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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800525">The Shadow of the Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hblake44/pseuds/hblake44'>hblake44</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fairies, Elves, and Vampires [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/F, Romance, Slow Burn, This is a prequel, all other ships are minor, choerry is late to the story, lipsoul, lipsoul is the main ship, they're all elves, vivi is in the sequel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:40:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>167,729</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800525</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hblake44/pseuds/hblake44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I didn’t think I’d ever see that,” Jungeun murmured.<br/>“See what?”<br/>“You smiling at me."</p><p>Only two elves have been given the ability to control moonlight, all the rest were born with it. The first was Jungeun, a warrior with a long past of violence. The second was Jinsoul, a healer for her people.<br/>Over the years that follow, both Jinsoul and Jungeun have to learn that Jungeun is more than her past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fairies, Elves, and Vampires [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Only other one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The Astra are elves who were born with a connection to the moon. It lets them control moonlight. </p><p>The Arcsa are the elves who are connected to water, but don't necessarily have control over the light. </p><p>Aside from moonlight, Jinsoul controls water, while Jungeun's magic is fire.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">For most of Jinsoul’s life, she’d had to heal people. A lot of the time, she considered herself lucky for having magic that actually helped.</p><p class="p1">Today, it just meant she was holding back laughter.</p><p class="p1">Two people had decided it was a good idea to harass a shark. One of the elves in the sea, who was a self-acclaimed defender of aquatic life, had sent three larger sharks onto them.</p><p class="p1">No one was missing a limb, but one had a dangerously large piece of his leg missing.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul had given Sehun a sleeping draught the moment she’d seen him.</p><p class="p1">And now she was forming a large bundle of water over the mutilated leg.</p><p class="p1">“You’ll need to get something stronger,” she told Eunha beside her. “The sigils speed up the worst. They won’t regrow skin and muscle unless I draw twenty of them.”</p><p class="p1">“What if we split it up?” She looked at her with kind, pale green eyes. “I’ll get two more and we each do fire.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul nodded. “But still send someone out for a witch, or a word to Lay, maybe even a fairy if anyone’s close.” She turned away from Sehun, gave Luhan beside him a sharp look, before cleaning her hands.</p><p class="p1">She knew it wasn’t fair to completely blame them, but a landed elf messing around in the sea was a terrible decision. At least these kinds of injuries were relatively easy to keep from being deadly. It was just really hard to keep the leg functional and/or aesthetically sound.</p><p class="p1">And she knew for a fact that this one was really interested in the person he’d gone shark hunting with. Maybe he’d want a scar, but not a missing piece of his thigh.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul moved to the water basin, now filled with bloody water.</p><p class="p1">She tugged on the water, while tilting the dish to the side. Warmth bloomed in her chest. It always did with her magic. The blood collected on one side, while the water drifted to the other. She gathered it in a large ball and started looking for a new basin.</p><p class="p1">Other than healing, this might’ve been one of the most useful applications of her magic. Having a constant supply of fresh and clean water was beyond convenient. Purifying sea water was possible, but she always got a headache after that. And it never healed as well as pure water did.</p><p class="p1">As she had the water flow into the next basin, she saw it start to glitter. She was in a tent. No sunlight was coming in.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul cursed and thrust her hands into the water. It had turned warm. The moment she touched the light, she felt her frustration ease, but it wasn’t because she’d found inner peace.</p><p class="p1">The warmth crawled up her skin, making it glow. Jinsoul hated seeing it. She didn’t like how it felt either, both energising and calming. Sometimes, she felt jittery for no reason. That was almost always at night. It barely let her sleep.</p><p class="p1">Moonlight. Something only a specific group of elves had control of, known as the Astra. While Jinsoul’s people were known to be tied to water, they didn’t just have that sort of magic. The Astra only had people who controlled moonlight. For a long time, those people had been born <em>into</em> the Astra.</p><p class="p1">Only one other elf who wasn’t Astra had received the ability to use the light of the moon. They’d been forced to join the Astra, both because the magic was a beacon for dangerous spirits and because the Astra hadn’t been able to believe that someone else had gotten their magic. That elf had been trained to use the magic and she fought for them now.</p><p class="p1">And now Jinsoul was like that too. She had control over the moonlight. The new magic would be dangerous to her family.</p><p class="p1">The only person other person who was like her was well known. A fire elf. A murderer. Jinsoul was sure that the number of people they’d killed matched the number she’d healed. She’d even healed some of the people who’d fought the fire elf.</p><p class="p1">Just the thought of being like them made her feel sick.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul pushed the thoughts away. In the basin, the the glow was gone. The water was cool now too.</p><p class="p1">When she left the tent, she breathed in the scent of the sea. She loved how being so close filled all of her senses, from the sounds of its waves to the feel of the cool wind. She loved how vast the blue was and how she could feel its endlessness.</p><p class="p1">And she was going to leave it behind. All because of a single orb in the sky.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul made a quick walk, just in case someone needed her. No one did. Pretty soon, they’d have to do without her.</p><p class="p1">She went to the sea next, the sand almost burning her feet. When the tide met her toes, she smiled. Even though she was a freshwater elf, the sea still called to her. Over the years, she’d made it her home, taking on the many trials of its currents, tides, and depths. She’d proven she was strong enough to master it. In return, she’d learned to love swimming within it more than walking.</p><p class="p1">It accepted her now as she sank beneath its depths. Her eyes didn’t burn as she gazed into the dark green expanse. The salt didn’t make her choke when it flowed past her lips.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul adored the sound of the sea. Shells caught its echo, but the slow rush that filled her ears now was unmatched. She heard the distant chatter of the sea elves, as well as the chorus of other animals.</p><p class="p1">As she swam farther out, she only focused on the distorted peace of the sea. She always preferred having her head submerged, filling her ears with a peace she found nowhere on land.</p><p class="p1">Not for the first time, she wished she’d been more closely tied to the sea. Would the moon have still chosen her then? And if it had, would the Astra have actually made her come to them?</p><p class="p1">If it had, she’d have been more of an outsider than she was already going to be. And the Astra hadn’t always honoured the sea elves as much as they should have. They’d once claimed that the sea bent to the will of the moon. A war had been fought in response. The other Arcsa, Jinsoul’s people included, had joined them.</p><p class="p1">Though Jinsoul had no love for war, if a lunar elf would try to tell her that the moon was the dominant force of the world, she’d be tempted to toss them into the rapids of a river.</p><p class="p1">There was a big chance that the Astra who were coming here would be thrown into the sea.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul closed her eyes. She didn’t want to go. They’d made the sea their home. The elves within it were almost friends, except for when they sent sharks after them.</p><p class="p1">And once she left, they’d be one healer short. She didn’t see a battle breaking out any time soon, but what happened when there was one? If they were fighting other elves who had fire or lightning at their side, all healers were needed.</p><p class="p1">She’d have to make that very clear to the Astra. If her people got involved with the fighting again, she’d have to be with them.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul was glad that the sea was there to take her tears. How she wished she could stay here, hide away from any Astran who came. The sea elves would let her take refuge there.</p><p class="p1">Unless she drew spirits to them.</p><p class="p1">Opening her eyes now, she saw flickers of light below her. Some were a deep yellow, others red, while another was bright green. They were all far away, but she could sense them better than she could actual animals. All because of her connection to the moon.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul made the water propel her upwards. She felt the pressure ease off of her. Then her head broke the surface.</p><p class="p1">The sun nearly blinded her, but she relaxed. She looked to where the beach was, only to see it was several hundred metres away.</p><p class="p1">She grinned and started swimming back. She let herself take her time, enjoying how the water made her body feel weightless, how it made her feel at home. She knew a lot of that was because of her magic, but over the years, she’d actually come to see the water as another part of her. She shared it with other Arcsa, but that made it all the better. It ensured that they always had a common ground.</p><p class="p1">It had made sure that their conflicts had been kept to a minimum.</p><p class="p1">The lunar elves had always prided themselves for not being as violent as others, but Jinsoul knew they fought more than her people did. She knew because she’d healed some who’d come away from some of those battles.</p><p class="p1">When she reached the shore, the first thing that greeted her was chatter. About a new elf, one most hadn’t ever seen before. They were saying they were crosesh and had eyes the colour of blood.</p><p class="p1">The few who knew her were whispering to one another hurriedly. Jinsoul just caught snippets.</p><p class="p1">“She destroyed the front of the western Crosa.”</p><p class="p1">“—three vampires burned to ashes.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul almost stumbled. This was it. Those with magic over fire were warriors. They could only use their magic to fight. Some took it to the extreme. This person was one of them.</p><p class="p1">And they were the only other person like her.</p><p class="p1">“First to go to the Astra, wasn’t it?”</p><p class="p1">“That was years ago.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul started running. A part of her wanted to go in the other direction. A mass killer had come for her. The burns they caused were the ones she healed. She <em>had</em> healed them.</p><p class="p1">The sun bore down on the coast. The sea glittered to her left. She longed to go back there.</p><p class="p1">“There she is,” someone said, exasperated. Jessica. She wasn’t quite an elder, but she was something very close to it. “Told you she’d be late.” She said it in lightly accented <em>crosesh</em>. Whoever this was hadn’t learned their language.</p><p class="p1">“I was early.” The voice was slightly nasally, but still sounded kind. A strike against the mass killer. Unless this was a mask that would fall away?</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul reached the source of the voices. She was greeted by her mother who frowned at her.</p><p class="p1">“Of all days, today was the one for a swim?” Lanah raised a brow at her.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul winked. “I needed it.” The pit in her stomach had eased, but not much.</p><p class="p1">Even as her mother chuckled, there was a flicker of hesitation.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul just squeezed her hand before ducking into the hut. It was barely even a hut, its walls only large pieces of linen, but they used it for guests and for foods they didn’t want being directly in the sun.</p><p class="p1">She didn’t have to look around. Her eyes found the newcomer immediately.</p><p class="p1">And she was at a loss for words.</p><p class="p1">The girl wasn’t tall, but she carried herself with an easy confidence. Her hair was blonde, like Jinsoul’s, but held in a high ponytail. She had Eastern features like Jinsoul did. Like all elves, her ears were elongated and pointed. She wore silver earrings. Not typical of warriors, but neither was her beauty. </p><p class="p1">And her eyes were red, but not like blood. They sparkled like rubies did, but those gemstones were directly in the glare of the sun. They were brighter than normal elves, but Jinsoul knew that was because of the moon.</p><p class="p1">“Hi.” The elf gave her a warm smile. “I’m Jungeun.“</p><p class="p1">“The only other person like me,” Jinsoul said. <em>But also a killer.</em> “Did they tell you why? Why the moon chose you?”</p><p class="p1">Jessica shot her a look. <em>Watch your tone</em>, that said.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul met her eyes once before looking back to the girl. This was someone whose actions didn’t match their appearance. This was someone who’d burned down countless vampires, fairies, and elves. If Jinsoul was supposed to respect that, she might as well have gone on a killing spree herself.</p><p class="p1">The red eyes didn’t look away or fill with irritation. Jungeun just kept talking. “We don’t have to go right away. I can be further up the coast and wait.” The words were filled with understanding.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul didn’t believe it. “You came later than expected. We should go today.”</p><p class="p1">Jungeun didn’t look phased. “Good.”</p><p class="p1">“First you’ll be staying for a meal,” Jessica said. “You’ve come a long way.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul frowned. “A long way?”</p><p class="p1">“She brought a horse.”</p><p class="p1">What elf rode? They had time enough to walk, and the magic to travel through the earth in mere hours.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun was just looking between them, her face simply polite. It had to be a mask.</p><p class="p1">“It is a gift,” the fire elf said. She met Jinsoul’s eyes. “We won’t be riding back.”</p><p class="p1">So she’d have to walk back with her? Or have to wait to be transported back in the earth, trusting that the elf wouldn’t take advantage of that?</p><p class="p1">“I’ll prepare my things then,” Jinsoul said. She looked to Jessica then. “I told Eunha she needs to fetch a witch for Sehun. Should I tell the rest not to be surprised if there’s,” she glanced at Jungeun, “another visitor?”</p><p class="p1">Jessica smiled. “I’ll do it. Thank you.” Her pale yellow eyes were kind, reassuring.</p><p class="p1">It was such a typical exchange. And Jinsoul wouldn’t have it anymore.</p><p class="p1">She just nodded and left the tent. It was rude. She knew that, but was she really supposed to care? The Astra weren’t a small people and the elf wasn’t anyone she wanted to associate with. Once she got there, she’d be able to live quite separately from Jungeun. Maybe she’d be able to not see her at all.</p><p class="p1">Her mother was waiting. She was gnawing on her bottom lip.</p><p class="p1">“You should give her a tour,” Lanah said in Arcesh.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul snorted. “Someone else can do that. I’ll be seeing enough of her.”</p><p class="p1">They started walking. Jinsoul wanted to go for another swim.</p><p class="p1">“Are you sure you aren’t being too harsh?”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul looked at her. “If those stories are true, I don’t want anything to do with her.”</p><p class="p1">Her mother gave her a look. “We’ve all fought before, Jinsoul.”</p><p class="p1">And she never wanted to do it again. “She’s younger than most and has killed more than you or I combined.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul remembered the murmurs that’d spread once, speaking of a young elf who fought with fire. She wasn’t the first, but they said she’d lost control and burned several at once, including people on her side.</p><p class="p1">And that hadn’t stopped her from fighting. She’d just grown more efficient.</p><p class="p1">How could her mother expect Jinsoul to respect someone like that? Someone she’d have been happy never meeting?</p><p class="p1">Why had the moonlight found Jungeun? Why had it found Jinsoul? It couldn’t have been a gift for their deeds. If it had, then the moon wasn’t anything to respect. If it wasn’t, then she still didn’t know why it’d have shone on either of them. They were far from the same. They <em>couldn’t</em> be the same.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is a prequel to The Lie of the Light with Lipsoul as the main characters. It takes place about three hundred years before TLotL. You do NOT have to read that first, nor read this one before reading TLotL. These two characters had a long history and I couldn't help but want to write it separate to the other one (because there would've been a lot of flashbacks otherwise). </p><p>And because it's what happened before, Vivi is sadly not in this story, but she's got a big role in the actual story. </p><p>If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask them! I hope you enjoy this journey.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Another crack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Normally, people with looks attractive enough to overshadow their pasts were charming. Disarmingly so. Confident too.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun was almost shy. Her words were never said hesitantly or quietly, but the look in her eyes wasn’t at all boisterous or brimming with charm.</p><p class="p1">“How are things with the emotional fae?” Jinsoul’s mother asked. “I doubt they’ve forgotten about Tresteu.”</p><p class="p1">That had been the attack launched by a rogue group of fairies. Tresteu was a fairy whose core emotion had been anger. He’d wanted to exact revenge on some of the Astra, but also bring a true battle to the lunar elves.</p><p class="p1">He’d lost, but not without overwhelming a fair amount of their numbers.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul watched for Jungeun’s reaction. How she felt about a battle she hadn’t been a part of —it might be able to say something on her attitude as a whole.</p><p class="p1">Had her mother asked this to test that specifically?</p><p>“I don’t think they'll ever forget,” Jungeun said. There was an edge to her voice. Even the light in her eyes seemed to have dimmed. “But the Astra meet with them now. Some had had wounds that only the fae could heal.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ve often heard them talk of light and spirits as though they held emotion,” Jessica said. She had donned the stiff bearing of an elder. Usually, she was quite the free spirit, especially during celebrations. “Can you say if that’s a ramble to ignore or to consider?”</p><p class="p1">Red eyes flicked to the elder, holding her gaze. Jinsoul could see her mind working for the response.</p><p class="p1">“We know they can exercise no control over the light, or actually calm any spirit,” Jungeun replied. “And what more the fairies said, I can’t repeat.” The hint of a smile appeared. “I fell asleep.”</p><p class="p1">It got her a few smiles and chuckles. Everyone had, at one point or another, gotten their ear chewed off during the ramblings of a fairy. Their culture prided in knowing everything about their individual magics. Most followed that custom.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul had sometimes been accused of being too much like a fairy. All because she was interested in how the mortal world worked, as well as all that lay within and across the sea.</p><p class="p1">Clearly, Jungeun wasn’t like that.</p><p class="p1">Unless she was lying to keep the rest of them from knowing too much about moonlight. The Astra were very secretive, almost as much as the emotional fae.</p><p class="p1">“So what will Jinsoul be doing when she gets there?” Her mother asked.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she wanted that question answered today. What if she was immediately assigned to a role she didn’t want?</p><p class="p1">“They’ll see what you’re best suited for,” Jungeun replied. Her eyes met Jinsoul’s once before looking away, almost as if she didn’t want to hold her gaze.</p><p class="p1">Someone chuckled. “I suppose that wasn’t so difficult when it came to you.”</p><p class="p1">Surprisingly, Jungeun winced at that. Jinsoul watched how she covered it with her own light laugh.</p><p class="p1">“You’re right,” she said. “I lit the fires of the camp for a few years.”</p><p class="p1">Someone sputtered, nearly choking on their drink. Others laughed.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun had managed to distract from that remark, as well as her slip-up. Jinsoul wondered if she could even count that as a slip-up.</p><p class="p1">_____</p><p class="p1">They’d left the camp quickly enough. They were actually walking. Why Jungeun wanted a longer journey, Jinsoul still didn’t know. She didn’t know if she was supposed to be concerned or annoyed at the fact.</p><p class="p1">And now they’d been walking in relative silence. Jungeun had started to look more tired as they walked, though her step had never slowed.</p><p class="p1">Eventually, Jinsoul had to break the silence. There were a lot of questions, but there was one she needed to ask.</p><p class="p1">“What do you actually do for them?”</p><p class="p1">Jungeun’s reply was immediate. “Other than stepping in for physical disputes, I’m on patrol.”</p><p class="p1">“You guard them?” Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she should laugh or curse.</p><p class="p1">Her brow rose at that. “If necessary, yes.”</p><p class="p1">“Isn’t that as bad as lighting their fires?” And apart from that, Jungeun only fought for them.</p><p class="p1">She didn’t expect Jungeun to look slightly offended at that.</p><p class="p1">“You’d be surprised at how much you end up doing there.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul frowned. “I’m not going to become their guard dog.”</p><p class="p1">“I never said you were,” Jungeun replied. “And patrol isn’t guarding the Astra. If there’s a threat to the camp, we take care of it, but the focus is on mortals.”</p><p class="p1">“You help humans?”</p><p class="p1">“We have to if they come across the wrong spirit,” she said. “You and the Astra can recover from those wounds, but they’d die easily. Or go mad.”</p><p class="p1">It sounded so simple. Jinsoul had tried to heal the injuries of elves who’d fought with Astra. It’d never worked. She’d had to put them all in the darkest of places and wait it out. She’d barely been able to treat their wounds without having to take a break. The moonlight had burned her. It probably wouldn’t anymore.</p><p class="p1">“So that’s all you do?”</p><p class="p1">Jungeun gave her an odd look. “It comes up more than you’d think. We also go after vampires or wolves if they’re near. We can find them pretty easily.” Without waiting for a response, she continued, “the wolves are a little more obvious, with the way the moon’s tied to them. We don’t kill them. As for vampires,” she trailed off. Then she sighed. “It depends on how we find them and what they’ve done.”</p><p class="p1">“And then you burn them to ash?” Jinsoul nearly took the words back.</p><p class="p1">But the red-eyed girl didn’t flinch. She also didn’t look offended this time. “If I have to.”</p><p class="p1">She didn’t know how to reply to that. She wasn’t sure if Jungeun was expecting a response.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun smiled slightly then, but it wasn’t condescending or happy. “The stories you heard of me are true, you know.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul started. She didn’t feel guilty that Jungeun had heard what she’d said earlier, but she almost felt caught.</p><p class="p1">“So when we get there,” Jungeun continued. “I’ll tell Haseul that you’ll be along with her.”</p><p class="p1">“You know Arcesh?”</p><p class="p1">“I sound like an idiot when I speak,” she shrugged, “but well enough to understand.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul narrowed her eyes.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun looked at her for a long moment. “You question a lot of what I say.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ve known you a day,” she said. “I don’t trust you.”</p><p class="p1">She winced. Then she nodded.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul was a bit surprised. “No excuse?”</p><p class="p1">“You should know why,” she gave her a small smile, “I’m a killer, not a liar.”</p><p class="p1">And there was another crack. The smile was strained, yet the words sounded easy. Jinsoul saw that those words affected her. Did that mean the killing bothered her? Then why hadn’t she stopped?</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul pushed it from her mind. She wouldn’t consider that Jungeun had a conscience until she actually showed it.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun didn’t fill the silence that followed. She was just looking ahead, a pensive look in her eyes, one that almost seemed pained. It was starting to get dark. Her skin had begun to glow at sunset. Her eyes had grown a bit brighter after that. The crystalline red seemed to take in different shades. It looked like there was a real fire there.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul looked away. She didn’t want to watch the different colours take shape, or to see the weird look there either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So their dynamic is currently quite strained. Do you think it's for a good reason or is Jinsoul being unfair? </p><p>As for the other things I occasionally mention like fairies, I don't want anyone to be confused by them. I've got three stories set in this world, all in different times, so my mind has been working with making sure they all work well together. That's not important for those reading and is more or less a bonus if you've read the other stories (which you don't need to!)</p><p>But if you've got any questions, feel free to ask them! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. It may be a bit of a slow start, but I can guarantee we're building up to something.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Her eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“You just have to find the focal point,” Jungeun was looking at the sky, “it’s basically the place your magic is centered.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul didn’t try to hide her frown. “I have no idea what that means.”</p><p class="p1">She chuckled. “Neither did I, but it’s only important when you’re getting started.”</p><p class="p1">“How do you know it’ll be the same here?” she asked. “You were the only one until now, how can you sure I’ll be like you?” The thought bothered her.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun shrugged. “The Astra learn better how to use their light once they find it. I only actually controlled it once I found mine.”</p><p class="p1">“Which is?”</p><p class="p1">She opened her hand. A piece of moonlight appeared. It formed like a flame did, flickering and fluctuating in intensity.</p><p class="p1">When Jinsoul looked back to Jungeun, she gasped.</p><p class="p1">Her left eye had turned completely white, while her right eye glittered even more, the red even brighter now. It was almost blinding to look at, as though the light of the moon had been completely focused into one eye.</p><p class="p1">“I found it here,” her hand went to the right side of her chest,” and here.” She put a hand to her eye.</p><p class="p1">“So an eye,” Jinsoul began, “and your liver.”</p><p class="p1">“So that’s what’s there?” Jungeun poked it, a strange wonder in her eyes. That wasn’t the usual reaction people had when they found out about what was <em>in</em> a body.</p><p class="p1">“You didn’t know?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m not exactly well versed there,” she shrugged, “but I did sort of know where it was.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul wondered if there was any actual significance to that. Or if it was just something she’d seen in the carnage of past battles.</p><p class="p1">“So what am I supposed to do?” she asked. “Look inside myself for inner strength?”</p><p class="p1">“More or less.” Jungeun nodded. “It might be easier if you’re using your actual magic.” Her eyes flickered to the ground then, almost as if she didn’t want to hold her gaze. “That’s how it was for me, yours might be different.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul wondered if that was spite in her voice, or just something close to frustration.</p><p class="p1">So she looked to the river and drew out a stream of water. She let it pool on the ground beside the fire.</p><p class="p1">“Focus on specific parts,” she said. “I know people who have a focal point in their arms, hearts, sometimes even their throats.”</p><p class="p1">“And what happens if they lose the limbs attached to that point?” Jinsoul asked. She knew very well that it was a morbid question.</p><p class="p1">And as was expected, Jungeun didn’t seem bothered. “It changes around,” she replied, meeting her eyes. “If I lost my eye, it’d probably go to my liver, or somewhere else.” Her two-coloured eyes went to her hands then. Why was she looking away again?</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul closed her eyes. She focused on them first, but felt nothing. Then she went to her throat. Nothing.</p><p class="p1">It went on. She tried to push her mind, just as she had when she’d first learned her magic. It was a distant memory now, but she knew it had taken months to lift any amount larger than her hand.</p><p class="p1">But when she looked at her knees, she also found nothing.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun had been silent the entire time. She’d barely moved. Jinsoul had expected her to be a bit more restless.</p><p class="p1">“It’s not working.” Jinsoul opened her eyes.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun was looking at something else, her eyes wide. She was being illuminated by a gentle light. Mixed with the fire, Jungeun looked both ethereal. Her skin accepted the glow, while her eyes burned like a soaring fire.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve got more light than I’d expected,” Jungeun murmured.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul tore her eyes away from her and her jaw fell slack.</p><p class="p1">The water had collected in a neat circle atop the ground. It was alive with the light, brighter than even the moon. Jinsoul was amazed she hadn’t seen it sooner .</p><p class="p1">“But I didn’t find what you were talking about.” She let her fingers trace across the surface. It was warm to the touch. When her hand went a bit deeper, she felt a slow rush of energy. Her frustration from before faded. She was torn between enjoying the feeling and wanting to resist. “My eye isn’t glowing, right?”</p><p class="p1">Red eyes lifted to hers. Jinsoul felt a slight warmth in her eye then. Her left one.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun let out a small breath. “A little.” She waved a hand. Her eye turned white again. In the space between them was a thin white crescent. It fell to the circle of water, settling right at the bottom of it. “Looks a lot like that.”</p><p class="p1">“So it’s because I’m just subconsciously controlling it?” Jinsoul just knew about people’s magic being triggered by their emotions. “They’re tied together, but I can only really control it once I find the place the light’s the strongest?” She was getting technical again.</p><p class="p1">She nodded, actually seeming engaged with what she was talking about. “Did this happen before?” she asked. “I didn’t notice for a while. We all thought I’d just made the fire brighter in some places.”</p><p class="p1">“It always got into the water,” Jinsoul replied. “I wasn’t paying attention when it happened.”</p><p class="p1">“Like here,” Jungeun said. “You stopped thinking about the water. Then the light came.”</p><p class="p1">“But it’s more than normal.” She looked at the circle. “Is it because you’re here?”</p><p class="p1">Her brow rose. “Me?”</p><p class="p1">“Another Astra,” she said. “If I’m near water, I’m stronger. If you’re around fire, I’d think you’d be too.” She waved at her. “You’re as close as it gets to the moon, maybe that has an effect on my magic.”</p><p class="p1">Jungeun looked at her for a long moment. “Did you try your head?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” she said. “Even focused really hard on this eye.” She pointed to her left eye. “Nothing.”</p><p class="p1">“I mean here,” Jungeun pointed at the top of her head, “your brain.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul looked away this time. Then she concentrated on what lay behind her eyes. The mortals hadn’t made much headway with that organ. Jinsoul barely understood it. Not even mindreader could.</p><p class="p1">A slow-moving calm came over her. It wasn’t like the giddiness or restlessness she’d already felt. It also wasn’t coupled with relief or a sense of being too calm. She was just focused on what was happening. She could feel a warmth stretching from her head to her eyes. It drifted down to her heart.</p><p class="p1">For once, the moonlight felt good.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun hadn’t said anything. When Jinsoul looked over, she saw that her mouth had fallen into a small ‘o’. She was also glowing brighter than normal, especially the space around her liver.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul blinked and that glow was gone. “It worked?” She felt completely at ease, rejuvenated too. As if she’d just dived straight into a lake.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” she said. “Look at yourself.”</p><p class="p1">So she did. Her skin was a beacon. All of it glowed. The light had warmed her, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.</p><p class="p1">“Moonlight’ll start to feel different now,” Jungeun told her. “Probably won’t feel all that off for you.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul frowned. “It never felt wrong, just strange.”</p><p class="p1">She shrugged. “I guess you could put it that way.”</p><p class="p1">“How’d it feel?” She knew she was furthering this conversation, maybe even leaning into something that’d humanise the fire elf.</p><p class="p1">“It hurt,” Jungeun replied. “I got sick every time it crept into my magic. I also started getting these really vivid dreams.”</p><p class="p1">“About?” Jinsoul had a growing suspicion about what the reason was.</p><p class="p1">“Battles,” she said. “Either about what happened or something,” she paused, “else.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul snorted. “I think there’s an obvious reason for that.”</p><p class="p1">Red eyes flicked to hers. They weren’t surprised. There wasn’t much of a reaction there. It meant she was hiding it.</p><p class="p1">For a moment, Jinsoul thought she’d overstepped. She still wondered if that mattered. She didn’t feel as if Jungeun was the type of person to lash out. She’d seen people with shorter tempers. And she was surprised that Jungeun hadn’t yet shown something close to that.</p><p class="p1">“You’re right,” Jungeun said then. “The moon doesn’t mix well with too much darkness.” She paused, looking down at her lap before looking back at her. “I’m guessing not so much fed into that for you.”</p><p class="p1">The implication of that hung into the air. Jungeun was looking at her as if she was expecting something. Did she expect her to say it aloud?</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul didn’t reply. She looked away instead. Jungeun hadn’t jumped to defend herself. She’d admitted that the moonlight hadn’t taken to her well, most likely because of her past—the life she’d led.</p><p class="p1">But that didn’t mean anything more than that. It just meant that Jungeun was aware of how terrible her actions were. If she hadn’t been aware of that, then Jinsoul would’ve immediately left for the sea, consequences of not joining the Astra be damned.</p><p class="p1">The fire elf didn’t say anything after that. A small fire hovered in the air between them. In the chill of the night, the warmth easily reached Jinsoul. The flames had strengthened.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t need that,” she said, looking at it. She didn’t want to think of how often that magic had been used against someone.</p><p class="p1">The flames vanished. Something cracked in Jungeun’s expression, but it vanished soon after.</p><p class="p1">“If you’re cold, try drawing on the light.” Jungeun laid down, arms folded behind her head.</p><p class="p1">“You don’t need a fire?” Anyone whose magic was ice was sensitive to heat. The opposite was true for those with fire.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun only chuckled. “I’m always warm.” Then she closed her eyes. “Good day—night.”</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul didn’t say anything. She looked instead to the moon. The reason she was here. The reason Jungeun was also here.</p><p class="p1">She closed her eyes as well. It felt like a cruel joke. If the moon was an actual being, then it <em>had</em> to be a cruel joke.</p><p class="p1">She lay there for what felt like hours. She couldn’t find the will to sleep. She only listened to the world around her. The chill of the night was actually starting to get to her.</p><p class="p1">Then she heard Jungeun move. She hadn’t been before.</p><p class="p1">Jinsoul opened one eye.</p><p class="p1">Jungeun had sat up, skin glowing ever so slightly. She glanced at Jinsoul before looking around the forest. In her hands, a length of moonlight appeared. Her eye started to glow as well, but not as strong as before.</p><p class="p1">For a moment, Jinsoul felt scared. Was this why they hadn’t travelled through the earth?</p><p class="p1">Then she watched as Jungeun relaxed into a sitting position, still looking around. She was keeping watch.</p><p class="p1">Then a fire came to life in the air again, but small. It rippled gently in the air, but burned as smoothly as a candle. It chased the cold away.</p><p class="p1">She let herself relax. Despite the fire elf’s past, she was safe to be around. At least so far.</p><p class="p1">Either way, Jinsoul would have to let herself sleep at least.</p><p class="p1">And she managed it too, but her dreams didn’t let her rest. She saw the moon. She watched it be overcome by red, leaving only a sliver of white. She was surrounded by fire. It came closer to her, its warmth growing.</p><p class="p1">But it never burned.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the journey was almost completely without a difficult conversation. At least, Jinsoul never saw or head something that crept up from Jungeun’s past. The fire elf hadn’t even asked about her own life. She only filled the silence with information about the Astra. </p><p>“I’d say Freya’s actually the one in charge,” Jungeun said. “They still discuss and I’ve seen her be convinced, but if she speaks, everyone’ll listen.”</p><p>Jinsoul hummed. She already didn’t want to see the leaders of the Astra. The elders would’ve been a part of <em>many</em> disagreements in the past. While people changed, they didn’t always change <em>that</em> much. </p><p>“But there’s a lot of faith to have in the future elders,” Jungeun continued. “Haseul and Sooyoung’ll be up sooner than others, but they’ve had more contact outside of the Astra than a lot of them.” </p><p>“Are they warriors?” Jinsoul noted the names in her head, but she didn’t know what to think of Jungeun’s view of people. </p><p>“Haseul used to be,” she said. “Still does when she needs to, but that’s nothing else she puts value on now.” A small pause. “She’s not like me, if that’s what you were wondering.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “What makes you think I was?”</p><p>Jungeun smiled slightly then. “The stories you heard of me are true,” she said. </p><p>Jinsoul started. She didn’t feel guilty that she’d been heard, but she almost felt caught. She’d been speaking a language she hadn’t thought Jungeun knew. This was the price for that. </p><p>
  <em>If those stories are true, I don’t want anything to do with her.</em>
</p><p>“So when we get there,” she continued. “I’ll tell Haseul that you’ll be along with her.” </p><p>“You know Arcesh?” </p><p>“Not well enough to speak it without sounding like an idiot,” she replied. “But well enough to understand.”</p><p>Jinsoul narrowed her eyes.</p><p>Jungeun sighed. “Are you going to scrutinise every word of mine?” </p><p>“I’ve known you a day,” she said. “I don’t trust you.” </p><p>She winced. Then she nodded. </p><p>Jinsoul was a bit surprised. “No excuse?” </p><p>“You should know why,” she gave her a small smile, “I’m a killer, not a liar.” </p><p>And there was the crack. The smile was strained, yet the words sounded easy. Jinsoul saw that those words affected her. Did that mean the killing bothered her? Then why hadn’t she stopped? </p><p>Jinsoul pushed it from her mind. She wouldn’t consider that Jungeun had a conscience until she actually showed it. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t fill the silence that followed. She was just looking at the fire. That fire seemed to amplify the colours in her eyes. The crystalline red seemed to take in different shades. It looked like there was a real fire there. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. She didn’t want to watch how fire reflected in her eyes, or to see the weird look there either. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul had rarely felt shy in life. She’d known most people around her since she was small and if there were newcomers, she’d been able to get to know them easily enough. </p><p>But now, underneath countless curious gazes, she felt exposed. </p><p>They’d gone through what seemed like pointless formalities of Jinsoul’s family and the magic they had. The Astra had even gone as far as to telling her what an honour it must be for her to have the magic she did. </p><p>It had almost been comforting to see how Jungeun’s brow had risen every now and then, even an eye roll here and there. But Jinsoul hadn’t met her gaze when Jungeun’s attention had gone back to her. If she didn’t have to, she’d avoid being around the elf. </p><p>“You’ll be primarily on patrol” the elder said. “Freya, one with golden eyes that seemed as bright as the sun. “Either with Jungeun or others who come to that role.” </p><p><em>Jungeun and others</em>. It didn’t sound right, but she thought better than to question it at that moment. </p><p>“But who’ll be teaching you our ways is still in question.” Freya looked to the rest. “You’re only the second to have gotten the moon’s blessing.”</p><p>Again, Jinsoul didn’t like how that sounded. She didn’t like that there were people around here who could see her magic—her light—and even her future. She hated that she couldn’t see any of that. </p><p>“Who’ll be the one, or ones, to show her?”</p><p>A few moments passed. </p><p>Jinsoul almost thought Jungeun would step forward. Then she remembered that the fire elf had heard of her opinion, now almost fully prepared not to speak with her. She felt a pang of guilt at that. </p><p>“We’ll do it,” a new voice said. </p><p>Jinsoul saw heads turn to two people moving through the crow. Then she saw a girl with dark red jewelled eyes. She was taller than the girl beside her, who had deep, but bright, green eyes. Both were beautiful, somehow more real then Jungeun. That was probably because their hair matched their Asian features. </p><p>“Then it’s settled,” Freya nodded, “we’ll leave you to get acquainted.” She gave Jinsoul a surprisingly warm smile. </p><p>The two girls came over to Jinsoul. Jungeun left with the rest. </p><p>Jinsoul stopped looking after her retreating form. Now there were only strangers. </p><p>“I’m Haseul,” the green-eyed girl said. </p><p>The one Jungeun respected. </p><p>“Sooyoung.” The red-eyed elf gave her a careful smile. It was both hesitant and warm at the same time. </p><p>Looking at her, Jinsoul got a sense that she’d be more insightful than most. That sort of a person could be a good friend or a very unpredictable acquaintance. </p><p>She wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out. She didn’t feel <em>right</em> here. She wanted nothing more than to leave. </p><p>“What was that about showing me?” Jinsoul didn’t like how the crosesh sounded to her ears or how strange the words felt in her mouth. </p><p>“How to use the light,” Haseul said. Jinsoul found only kindness in her expression. “And helping you actually get used to,” her eyes searched the camp, almost with a certain judgement, “all this.” </p><p>“That’ll take long,” she replied, knowing she sounded spiteful.</p><p>Sooyoung shrugged. “We have time. Jungeun got through it too.” </p><p>Jinsoul stiffened at the name. “I’m not like her.” There were fires everywhere too. All of it was fuel for the red-eyed elf. There was so little water. The only sources were thin streams and one river. She was stranded. </p><p>“Are you alright?” Haseul looked concerned. It seemed real. Jinsoul couldn’t bring herself to question it. </p><p>“We’ll start whatever that is tomorrow.” Jinsoul turned away. </p><p>“You’ll miss the tour.” Sooyoung was giving her a weird look. </p><p>“Tomorrow,” she said through gritted teeth. </p><p>People watched her as she walked off. She hated each stare, each gaze—it was all too much. </p><p>They expected this to become her new home. Surrounded by strangers, far from the sea—how could she ever call this home? </p><p>A part of her considered asking Jungeun how she managed it. She didn’t even know if she considered this place home. </p><p>She pushed the thought from her mind. She had the chance to never be around the fire elf again. She could go on without seeing a face she couldn’t to endless violence. </p><p>She wouldn’t go to her for help, let alone confide in her. </p><p>She scoffed at the thought. </p><p>After what seemed like ages, she reached the river banks. She didn’t stop. She inly let herself fall in. </p><p>The water surged up to greet her, enveloping her before she reached the bottom. The sound of the river’s roaring current calmed her immediately. Even the cold of it all was comforting. </p><p>She let herself drift, every now and then bringing herself to a stop so that the river would flow past her, almost rip her away, before she let go again. </p><p>It dawned on her that she barely knew this area. She’d have to follow the river back, but even then she wouldn’t know where to go. </p><p>But it might be better if she was lost, at least for a time. No one would miss her. They barely even knew who she was. </p><p>Even so, after some time of being submerged, she actually forced herself to the surface. The night air almost froze her completely. As she swam through the current, she nearly regretted diving in. </p><p>But she’d needed that, a reminder of where her actual home was. It wasn’t a place, but the water. Anywhere she went, she needed at least that, even if it was only rain, she’d have something that felt right to her. It was also something she’d always be able to call upon. </p><p>She climbed out of the river, her hands digging into the cool earth. The air kept drawing out the warmth from her. </p><p>Jinsoul let the water seep out of her clothes and hair, trickle off her skin, and flow back into the river. </p><p>It didn’t get rid of the chill, but it#d hopefully not get much worse. </p><p>She started to walk in the direction she’d come. She let her mind wander. She felt the way the water shifted in the presence of fish and other animals. She felt how water flowed through the water, occasionally settling on a leaf or stone, or enter her lungs before she breathed it out again. She felt the slow absorption of water by the trees. </p><p>Most had always thought knowing those details was useless. She found it exciting. Some said it made her more of a fairy than an elf, but humanity had its fair share of scholars. Most would agree they were <em>far</em> from being like the fae. Jinsoul also appreciated a fair amount of the fae. Their pursuit of knowledge made them relatively peace loving. Sometimes their narrow-mindedness led to aggressions or outrage from others, other times violence was just a goal chased after by untypical fae. At some point, it didn’t matter what you were, only what you did with your time and abilities. </p><p>Then she felt a brief chill, one far deeper than the cold air. It felt off, as if she could feel something through it. </p><p>Jinsoul stiffened and seized some water from the river. It wrapped around her torso and hands. She made a blade of ice from it. </p><p>She searched the forest around her, but found nothing. The feeling strengthened. It collected in her stomach, knotting it. It was fear, but not her own. </p><p>And then she realised what it was. A spirit. </p><p>Jinsoul melted the ice. She ran up the river, not risking that she’d loose her way. </p><p>All she knew was that she stood little chance against a spirit. Very few did, except for the Astra. </p><p>She was supposed to be one of them. She might’ve laughed, had she not been on the run. </p><p>If she’d let Haseul show something useful, or even Jungeun, then she might’ve been able to defend herself. </p><p>But now, she was powerless. </p><p>It was still very much in the dead of night. She only knew the river and where it went. </p><p>Jinsoul called the river, stepping onto the surge that came to her. She worked easily against the natural flow. As she sped across, she risked looking back. </p><p>A spirit followed. A dark red wolf. </p><p>It was closing the distance. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed the river harder, hoping to spot a familiar bank or crop of trees. </p><p>Jungeun had even taken a path close to the river on the way to camp. She should’ve taken note of each bend, but she hadn’t. </p><p>She tried to look for a smaller amount of water, either from a waterskin or a cooking pot. She could only faintly feel it. Was that her fear? Or the spirit’s effect on her? Or the growing effect of having two magics? </p><p>
  <em>Did you try your head?</em>
</p><p>Jinsoul nearly stumbled. She focused on her mind and felt for the light. It warmed her better than any fire had. She closed her eyes and looked. </p><p>In the distance, she saw the large mass of light. Astra. </p><p>She saw flashes of light elsewhere. Were they good spirits? Patrolling Astra? </p><p>It didn’t matter. She knew where to go now. </p><p>Jinsoul leaped from the river, the water crashing into the river bank behind her. </p><p>She scrambled to gain a stable footing. </p><p>Fear clenched her heart, both from the spirit and her. </p><p>A freezing cold struck her leg. </p><p>She fought a scream and kicked back. She didn’t make any contact, but she heard a growl. </p><p>Jinsoul forced herself to keep running. Her leg was like ice, but the pain hadn’t reached her. </p><p>She could still see light in the distance, as though there were fires. </p><p>She was reaching one small bit of light very quickly. </p><p>Looking back again wasn’t an option. She could hear the spirit behind her, feel how much colder the air had become. </p><p>She ran faster, well aware that she’d lose all strength soon. </p><p>The light was close now. It wasn’t a person. </p><p>She reached for it still. Her head spun once. </p><p>The light flew toward her. She could it, her arm warming as soon as she touched it. </p><p>It was a spear. Of moonlight. </p><p>Jinsoul whirled around. The wolf still neared. She settled into a crouch, legs both burning and freezing, and she waited. </p><p>The rule had always been to run from spirits. A select few had a few pieces of moonlight, but even those were used in the worst of emergencies. Running always worked. You weren’t even confronted with spirits most of the time. </p><p>Unless you were alone and overcome by some sort of distress. It was worse if you had some type of connections to light or a similar magic. Jinsoul had gotten herself into all three. </p><p>The wolf had come to a halt in front of her. Its eyes were a strange shade of purple. It looked at her. The hunger in its eyes were chilling. </p><p>Jinsoul leapt at it, the spear ready. </p><p>The wolf growled, but didn’t evade. It ran for her instead. </p><p>She dug the spear into its neck. Another burst of cold erupted in her arm and side. Spirits made no clear wounds. They only gave you darkness. </p><p>The beast whimpered as red erupted from the wound. </p><p>Jinsoul slipped as she moved back, her arms numb. Fear and some other unsettling feeling coursed through her. </p><p>She watched as the spear disappeared into the wolf. She watched as dark red turned into a vibrant one. Its eyes changed last, going from purple to orange. </p><p>Then the wolf straightened, seemingly few of its pain. It looked at her with wide eyes. Innocent. </p><p>Jinsoul felt her legs give out. She knew she was supposed to keep moving, that she was an even more appealing target to the spirits. Her legs thought otherwise. She’d run too much. She so rarely ran. If she needed to flee, she’d had the endless expanse of the sea. On land, she was so restricted. So weak. </p><p>The wolf came a bit closer before it sat down opposite her, as if it hadn’t just tried to maul her. </p><p>That’s how it worked: the Astra turned malevolent spirits and guarded, or were guided by, the benevolent ones. </p><p>Jinsoul had turned her very first spirit. </p><p>With moonlight that hadn’t been hers. </p><p>______</p><p>She was met halfway on the return journey. </p><p>She recognised Haseul, but not the woman accompanying her. Immediately, Jinsoul knew she was older than either of them. Though little aged on the outside, the look of a person with millennia-long lives was one you saw easily. It wasn’t haunted, at least not always, but oddly mature even in the long stretch of eternity. </p><p>“We should’ve never let you go off alone,” Haseul said, brow furrowed. “I didn’t know you’d be off so far.”</p><p>The other woman came closer. She had bright blue eyes. “I’m Nuala, responsible for healing.” She held out a hand, her expression both expectant and almost chastising. </p><p>Jinsoul knew that look well. It still made her feel embarrassed for going off the way she had. She held out her now numb arm. </p><p>Nuala’s skin began to glow, while her eyes became blinding. Warmth slowly crept up Jinsoul’s arm to her chest. </p><p>“That was a lucky first encounter,” the healer said. “One of our own nearly lost his life.” Her eyes lifted, holding Jinsoul’s. “If you’re drained of light and the darkness overcomes both your heart and your point of light, you’ve lost.”</p><p>“Not dead?”</p><p>“Not always,” she replied. “Some are lucky.” The next part of that hung in the air. </p><p>“I don’t think we have to go there,” haseul sent her a look, “she turned a spirit and got away well enough.”</p><p>“You should know the consequences,” Nuala said. She let go of Jinsoul’s arm, the glow subsiding. “And she’s not as sensitive to those thing as the rest of you are.” There was a gentle edge to that remark. </p><p>And then Jinsoul realised that Nuala knew about her life before. How? </p><p>Some Astra could see the future, others saw the past too? It struck her then as unfair. It unsettled her too. </p><p>“The first thing you ought to learn,” Nuala regarded her sternly, “is how to get moonlight in that head of yours.” With that, she walked off. </p><p>“Tomorrow, right?” Haseul gave her a reassuring smile. Jinsoul believed it this time. </p><p>She debated if it’d be better to learn now or not. </p><p>Then she caught a whiff of the different foods being prepared. The thought of food and warmth called to her almost as much as the sea did. </p><p>“Tomorrow.”</p><p>When they walked back into the camp, the eyes still bothered her, but she looked past them. </p><p>She briefly met the eyes of a rather serious looking girl with dark hair. Even from afar, Jinsoul knew her eyes didn’t glow. </p><p>But then another girl, also with almond eyes and light hair, sat down beside her, two bowls in hand. The black-eyed girl’s face broke into a warm smile. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. That was certainly a moment to be shared just between them. </p><p>Then she found her. </p><p>Jungeun was beside Sooyoung, a broad smile on her face. When she saw Jinsoul, she looked away, her smile somehow less broad, but not weakened. Jinsoul didn’t know how she could tell the difference. </p><p>The seconds had passed quickly, but they’d been enough. Jinsoul had felt a burst of recognition after seeing Jungeun’s glowing eyes. She’d seen some of the light in the fire elf. </p><p>That very light had been in the forest floor. </p><p>Jinsoul turned her attention back to Haseul who’d begun telling her about their typical meal times. She listened. </p><p>Anything to take her mind from the flames surrounding her and their sorceress. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Same tent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’d put them in the same tent. Jinsoul had been directed to one a bit on the edge of camp, but still encircled by at least ten others. </p><p>It was Jungeun who’d come to her before she’d gotten there. Her ears were tinged with red. </p><p>“You’re going to that one, right?” She pointed to one with silver trimmings. It was shaped more like the top half of a sphere, whereas the others were more square. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>Jungeun’s mouth pressed into a line. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I can change if you want.” </p><p>It took a few seconds for Jinsoul to realise what that meant. </p><p>“It’s yours.” </p><p>Her ears were a bright red now. “I’ll switch to Haseul’s. They probably still have space.”</p><p>“Is there anyone else in this one?” Jinsoul pushed past the front curtain. The tent was warm, but the heat dispelled the moment she walked in. </p><p>In the roof of the tent was a hole that let the moonlight in. Beside it was a disk of wood, but nothing attached to it that’d close it. </p><p>The actual living space was clean, meticulously so. To one side, there was a bed with furs. To another, there was something close to a chair, but it didn’t exactly have the form of one. Beside it was a small table. It had burn marks all across its surface. There was a chest beside it, almost a metre wide. </p><p>“I’m not usually here,” Jungeun said quietly. “Either I have patrol or I’m,” a small pause, “somewhere else.” Her eyes were fixed on the floor of the tent. There was a severe lack of confidence in her now. The red ears didn’t help. </p><p>Jinsoul sighed. “I’ll sleep over there.” She pointed to the far end, opposite the bed. </p><p>Her eyes widened. “What?” </p><p>“I’m not going to be in here that much either,” she said. Then she put her things down on the floor. </p><p>Jungeun just nodded, her expression still one of disbelief. “Well,” she glanced to the ceiling, “have a good day.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “You patrol during the day?” </p><p>She shook her head. “Guard.” Then she was gone. </p><p>_____</p><p>Days passed and Jinsoul felt how the light was starting to settle into her magic. It’d never been painful for her, but every now and then, it’d felt uncomfortable. Either it flowed into her blood, an unusual warmth she’d never felt, or she began to feel an unusual amount of calm. It wasn’t bad, but it was foreign. She still didn’t trust it. </p><p>“Don’t expect it to come all at once,” Haseul was telling her, “it takes time.” </p><p>She’d been trying to teach Jinsoul how to summon moonlight. </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul snapped. Then she sighed, trying to soften her voice. “It took years to actually learn my magic.” Simply tugging on it had been easy. Shaking, freezing, or moving it around had taken longer to master. Healing had taken twice that amount of time. </p><p>The other elf just nodded. She didn’t seem phased by Jinsoul’s frustration, a bit like Jungeun, except Jinsoul had an easier time trusting Haseul. </p><p>“For a long time, all I could do was absorb light,” she said. “They thought it was all I’d be able to do.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t reply. Instead, she tried to absorb more light. It worked. She watched how her skin started to glow. </p><p>“So all I was useful for was fighting with those metal weapons. I glowed, but that was it.”</p><p>“Are you telling me that because you think I’ll have the same experience?”</p><p>Haseul shook her head. “You already summoned a little, didn’t you?”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “How do you know that?”</p><p>“It’s a good thing. It’s progress.” Her brow furrowed. “Was that supposed to be a secret?”</p><p>“No,” she said. “But I’d feel better if the entire camp <em>wasn’t</em> hearing about what I can and can’t do.” Despite being in the same tent, she’d barely seen the fire elf, only briefly around certain fires. Sometimes she was with Sooyoung and the girl with no light in her eyes. Other times, she was with Haseul, the rest with other girls of the camp. It seemed like people liked her. Jinsoul wondered if they’d fully recognised all the things Jungeun had done. Or if they’d chosen to ignore it. </p><p>There were other times that Jinsoul had seen her. During the day when she couldn’t sleep. Jungeun was almost always never in the tent then either. She was usually at a nearby fire pit, basking in the sunlight. Or she was trekking through the forest, usually with a sack, either empty, or full when she was coming back from somewhere else. Probably a town. A few times, Jinsoul had seen her emerging from another tent. She never wanted to know more than that. </p><p>She’d never spoken to Jinsoul, but had always met her eyes. Thankfully, she’d kept her distance too. </p><p>“I’m one of the people responsible for you to learn this magic,” Haseul said. Her expression had hardened. “Of course she’ll tell me if you’ve already got a grasp on something.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her hands. The glow subsided. </p><p>“Yes, there’re people here who know who you were to your people. They know, just as Nuala does. Then there’re the ones who have a little idea about what you <em>will</em> do, but that doesn’t mean much.”</p><p>“That means a lot,” Jinsoul replied. “I’ve never been close to anyone who knew of my future.” It was daunting to think that time had a set course. Even if you made a decision and the exact path changed, there was still a path. The Astra seers could still follow that. They’d still know where Jinsoul was going if she decided to leave. </p><p>“But I don’t know your future and only a little about your past,” Haseul told her. “All I know for sure is your age and where the light in you is focused.” She shrugged. “And Jungeun’s the last person who’d spread information about you in the camp.”</p><p>That was interesting. Did that mean Jungeun was still closed off? Or did she not trust them either? </p><p>“Did you,” Haseul started, “do you have a history with her? Or indirectly?”</p><p>Suddenly, Jinsoul felt caught, as if she had to justify something. </p><p>But that was ridiculous. Her reasons were justified. </p><p>“I’ve healed many of the people she’s burned,” Jinsoul said. “I watched some of them die. Others could never be around an open fire for years, or until a fairy helped them.” Either by wiping their memory of the fight, or soothing they fear. </p><p>The green-eyed elf was quiet for a moment. The judgement in her expression had softened to something else. Was it understanding? Or doubt? “I understand.” Her voice had become much quieter. “But if you’re going off of that, you’ll have to start treating me the way you do her.” A crooked, yet sad, smile appeared. “I’ve broken families too. And the wounds I gave people couldn’t even be healed.”</p><p>She knew those victims too. “You have to put them far away from any light,” she said. “And you wait.”</p><p>Haseul nodded. “So you’ll stomach being around us, but not her?” </p><p>“I don’t have a choice with you,” Jinsoul shot back. </p><p>She looked at her for a long moment. Jinsoul was sure she’d gone too far. If Jungeun was anything close to a friend of Haseul’s, Jinsoul had as good as insulted her. </p><p>But even then, what had she done for Jinsoul to excuse her actions? </p><p>“Try summoning the light,” Haseul said then. “Push it into your hand.” She held her own out. Atop her palm, a small ball appeared. </p><p>They kept at it for hours. Haseul gave no indication that she thought lesser of Jinsoul, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t offended. The uncertainty was the worst part. Of all the Astra, Jinsoul was actually starting to respect Haseul. </p><p>But no, the elf only told her stories of people’s beginnings with the light. Not once did they talk about Jungeun. </p><p>When Haseul let Jinsoul go, she asked if she was hungry. </p><p>“Hyunjin makes a really good stew. We also got fresh bread from the town.” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “Not hungry.” When she saw the disbelief in Haseul’s face, she added, “my body still has to adjust. I never even had midnight snacks before.” </p><p>Haseul shrugged. “We’ll save you a bowl.” Then she smiled. “We’re right outside your tent too.” </p><p>Jinsoul knew that. She’d heard them chatting with one another, teasing one person about her strange love for baked goods, while another person was the brunt of many age jokes. Sometimes she heard Jungeun join in. Often, she heard people tease her about falling asleep at the fire. </p><p>_____</p><p>“Was it you?” </p><p>Jungeun looked up, seemingly perplexed. It was day time. She was eating something that looked like wheat with milk. She looked tired. </p><p>“The light in the forest,” Jinsoul said. “Did you put that there?”</p><p>The response was her chewing. Her hair was down. It struck her that this also didn’t fit the stories. </p><p><em>But they’re not just stories</em>, she thought. People had died. Others still wore the scars, even after the burns had long been healed. </p><p>“I—” Was she stammering? “Should I not have done that?” Suddenly, she seemed more insecure than anything else. </p><p>“If you hadn’t, I’d have met Nuala in a very different state.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded, but she still looked uncertain. And now she looked away. </p><p>“Why did you think I’d need it?” Jinsoul asked. “Did you know about the spirit?”</p><p>More confusion entered her eyes. She looked up. “Going alone like you did is a risk we all have. And I wasn’t sure how well you knew the forest. I just knew you’d gone to the river.”</p><p>Jinsoul expected to hear something she wouldn’t believe, but she didn’t. </p><p>Both of them were quiet. Jungeun didn’t look as uncertain as she had, but she kept looking down at the bowl in her hands. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t feel like leaving yet. </p><p>“Hungry?” Jungeun asked then. “I’ve got extra.” The fire strengthened, heating a pot with that wheat/milk mixture. “It’s a breakfast they have in the west.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I’m not hungry.” But she did wonder why Jungeun had made so much when only a fraction of the Astra were ever awake during the day. </p><p>“Okay,” her gaze fell, “then I’ll finish it.” A tiny smile settled on her face as she went closer to the pot. “But if you want to sit, sit.” She filled her bowl to the brim. “I’m going in an hour. Then you’ll have the pit to yourself.”</p><p>“The fire won’t extinguish when you’re gone?” </p><p>Jungeun’s brow knitted together. “Does it with others?” </p><p>“Yes,” Jinsoul tried not to frown, “if the source is magical, it fades when that’s gone. If I freeze something or shift the position of a river, it’ll return to how it was when I’m away from it.”</p><p>“Ah,” she said. “As far as I know, my fires keep burning. At least longer than,” the words caught for a second, “an earth-wielder’s dirt can hold after they leave.” A small shadow had crept into her expression. </p><p>Jinsoul let herself see the light then. It was harder during the day. Her head usually started hurting when she tried it. </p><p>There was light in the fire, the food, and then Jungeun. All of it was familiar, as thought Jinsoul’s experience in the forest had attuned her to Jungeun’s light. </p><p>Then she saw how a portion of the light around Jungeun had turned a light grey. She felt a small amount of anxiety from it. </p><p>She stopped looking at the light then, her head throbbing. </p><p>There was a story behind that grey light. Something that bothered Jungeun about an earth-wielder. A past encounter? Was that earth-wielder still alive? Or had Jungeun gotten her revenge? </p><p>“So you didn’t train that aspect of your magic?” Jinsoul knew she was getting technical—too technical for an elf. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “Everything I trained was to better the strength and reach of the flames.” Her eyes fell. The shadow remained. “Lasting flames weren’t what helped me.” </p><p>Jinsoul was torn between looking away, and finding a new subject to talk about. She didn’t want to see the echo of whatever Jungeun was feeling, let alone feel some of it through the light. </p><p>Her stomach twisted then. Why didn’t she want to see that? Because she didn’t believe it? </p><p>Or because she didn’t <em>want</em> to believe it? If one of them was true, she wasn’t sure which would be worse. </p><p>_____</p><p>Not for the first time, Jinsoul couldn’t sleep. It seemed as if Jungeun couldn’t either. She wasn’t even in the tent. That was a frequent occurrence. Jinsoul couldn’t even remember a time when Jungeun had been sleeping in the tent. Did she go to others for that? </p><p>Then again, that could’ve also meant she was in another tent. It was impossible not to notice the way Jungeun looked. It seemed as if other Astra had been drawn in by that. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to the ceiling of the tent. The disk of cloth had been drawn over the hole, but she could still tell it was day. </p><p>She silently cursed the Astra for being nocturnal. Then she got up and left the tent. </p><p>No one was there, except for further off in the distance. The guards for the day. She wondered if she should just be a guard every day. She’d be able to sleep at night and see very few Astra during the day. </p><p>On the one hand, it was perfect. On the other, it was lonely. </p><p>Jinsoul made her way through the camp, nodding at one elf who seemed at the end of her waking capabilities. She had a relatively small frame, but that never meant much when it came to the strength of an immortal. Her eyes were a deep blue, darker than even Jinsoul’s, but they still caught the sunlight perfectly. She had brown hair that fell just below her shoulders. </p><p>“I’m always amazed at how you daylighters do it,” she said in a hushed voice. A weird thing to hear in broad daylight. </p><p>“We were born into it,” Jinsoul replied. “It’s like how you can stay awake the entire evening.”</p><p>The other elf shrugged. “I’m Sua.” Then she chuckled. “But I guess you don’t have to introduce yourself to me.” She winked.</p><p>Jinsoul smiled slightly. “I guess not.”</p><p>“Can’t adjust yet?” she asked, waving to the sun. </p><p>“It depends,” she said. “If I practice with the light, I sleep fine.” But even then, she still stayed much longer than she should have. Either due to her thoughts, or simply not being able to sleep when the sun shone above her. </p><p>Sua nodded. “That’s normal, I think. You can’t just get into the rhythm perfectly.” She waved at herself. “When we’re out there, the day-night cycle adjusts with where the moon’s at above that part of the world.” She sighed. “I’d never been awake a whole day until we’d gone west.”</p><p>“Why were you there?” As far as she knew, the only reason the Astra had been there was because they occasionally changed where the camp was located. But even that was rare. </p><p>“There’s always a few groups out there,” she explained. “We deal with the problems out there if they have to be dealt with. Sudden rogue vampires, freak spirit attacks, but mostly new werewolves.”</p><p>“And the other elves?” Jinsoul asked, knowing she sounded eager. This sounded as good as staying awake during the day. Even better. </p><p>Sua grinned. “They usually let us stay over. I’ve got friends and,” she laughed softly, “others in a bunch of clans. Even the fae don’t mind us much. As long as we help them out a bit.”</p><p>Jinsoul felt a bit of hope then. She knew it showed on her face. </p><p>The girl’s eyes softened. “Once you’re better with using moonlight, you can come along.”</p><p>The hope strengthened. “Any other conditions?”</p><p>She smiled, a hint of teasing there. “You have to actually like your group, because you’re usually stuck with them. And we’re with each other for a few years. One minimum.”</p><p>Jinsoul fought the urge to grimace. She’d have to live with that. She could. </p><p>“We’d still take you,” Sua told her. “Right now, we’re a group of seven again.”</p><p>“Again?”</p><p>“One of ours spent a bit of time with the Warsa.” The mountain elves. They were spread around the world, but their groups were closely knit. Usually, people went to them if they’d been exiled. </p><p>“Oh,” Jinsoul tried to keep her voice light, “did she—”</p><p>Sua laughed. It was a bit of a unique laugh, as if each bit of laughter was partially a gasp. “No no, she’s as sweet and harmless you we get. She wanted to see how they managed all the rule-breakers.”</p><p>“And why’re you letting me join?” she asked. “When I’m ready,” she added. “You’ve known each other for years.” Adding someone they barely knew would change that group dynamic. </p><p>“She said the same thing,” Sua said, a thoughtful expression now. “Couldn’t believe that we’d just let her come along. That we’d even give her a chance.” A bit of sadness came next. </p><p>So Jungeun had also wanted to leave. “How long did she go for?”</p><p>“Two years. One with us, one with another group.” Then her expression brightened. “Not because she didn’t like us!” Then she sighed, her eyes dimming ever so slightly. She switched between those moods quickly, but it was all very clearly genuine. “People kept coming after her.”</p><p>“Why?” Jinsoul felt like she knew, but she needed to hear the actual reason first. </p><p>“Assassins.” Her gaze hardened. “The cowards tried a lot, getting vampires and witches involved, or coming during new moons, anything to get her at a weak point. We put them in their place.”</p><p>“You killed them?” </p><p>“Some.” Sua gave her a look. Very similar to Haseul. “A few would’ve kept coming back. Others were just jumping on the chance to get the closure they thought they wanted.”</p><p>“So she stopped, because it was too risky?”</p><p>She snorted. “Risk isn’t what she was avoiding. At least not the risk to her.” She shrugged. “Jungeun goes off alone all the time. A lot more in the beginning. Got her into a few close calls even then, not just with spirits.”</p><p>“But isn’t she a risk for the entire camp then?” How often would they have had to ward someone off? </p><p>Sua’s brow shot up. “If we went by that logic, half of us would need to leave here.” She shook her head. “And there’s no way we’d make her leave because she’s got a reputation. It wouldn’t be right.” Something else flickered across her face. Then it was gone. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to the light. A spike of pain hit her head. She saw an echo that wasn’t anger, but close to guilt instead. Then that vanished too. </p><p>She chose not to ask about that. </p><p>“But I’ll tell Haseul to let me know when you’re ready. Or you find me, as long as I’m still here.”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “Thank you.”</p><p>Sua smiled. “She could tell you a little about what helps, you know.” </p><p>“Your friend?”</p><p>“Handong?” Her brow rose. “I guess she could, but I wasn’t talking about her.”</p><p>“I was.” </p><p>Her smile faded. </p><p>“I’m going to the river,” Jinsoul said. “Should I fill that” She nodded at Sua’s waterskin. “It’s almost empty.”</p><p>“How did you—” Her eyes widened. Then she laughed. “Right, yeah.” She held it out. “Thanks.”</p><p>Jinsoul left. </p><p>As she walked, she spotted Jungeun emerge from one of the tents. She didn’t know whose it was, but judging by her disheveled appearance, it probably didn’T matter. </p><p>Jinsoul turned the other way and quickened her step. She heard Jungeun’s step slow at one point, before it continued. </p><p>“Morning,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>Before she could even wonder if it was directed at her, she heard Sua reply. </p><p>“Morning.” A small laugh. “You weren’t going to spend the day there?”</p><p>“<em>Not</em> your business.” The words had no bite. </p><p>Sua cackled. “I know who’s in there, so too late for that.”</p><p>“Then why ask?”</p><p>“Anything to get those ears as red as your eyes.”</p><p>Jinsoul remembered how they’d almost turned that red on the first night. </p><p>Jungeun snorted. “Glad I’m a spectacle for you.”</p><p>“Always are,” Sua said, voice brimming with glee. “Can’t wait for the next person to see you like that.”</p><p>“Not happening,” she muttered.</p><p>“Right, you’ll never get to that point.”</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>Jinsoul stepped listening and kept walking. She didn’t have to hear anymore. </p><p>But one thing stayed in her mind. She could leave the camp without being alone. She could be elsewhere in the world without taking every burden being in the Astra had. </p><p>She wanted that. All she needed to do was get stronger. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This story might be slow at times, but that's mostly because of the setup for this story. Unlike the other ones, I don't quite have a big external conflict building, only the one between our two main characters. I don't always have stories like this, but I have to say I'm really enjoying it. And with me (and some of you) knowing how they end up, it's been a lot of fun going back to the start between Lipsoul. Regardless of whether or not you're new to this world, I hope you enjoy that aspect of it as well. </p><p>Let me know your thoughts for how this story is going! </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Really</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You can go with Sooyoung,” Jungeun said. She was leaning from one foot to the other. “She’s with Jiwoo, Chaewon, and Hyejoo. Having one more wouldn’t be too much.”</p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. </p><p>“They’re a good unit,” she added. “Jiwoo’ll be someone you’ll warm too quickly, Chaewon to.” She shook her head. “But if you’re talking to Chaewon, Hyejoo’ll open up by that time.”</p><p> Something about the sheer uncertainty on Jungeun’s face made her pause.</p><p>“I can go with you on patrol,” Jinsoul said.</p><p>Her red eyes widened. “But you don’t have too. They’d be happy with it. You can go with them, or Sua if they’re on patrol tonight, or—”</p><p>“How many options’re you giving me?” </p><p>Jungeun chuckled, but there was an edge of nervousness. “I was thinking of them since we left the sea.” She looked away. “There’s a lot of—you know—better options.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t miss the insecurity in her eyes. She felt a pang of guilt for being the reason for it. </p><p>“I’ll meet the rest in my own time,” Jinsoul said. “Today–night, I just need to learn how this works.” She knew she sounded cold. She could already hear Haseul telling her she was too harsh. It was almost like when her mother had used to chastise her for diving too deep into the sea. </p><p>But Jungeun just nodded, looking more relieved than anything. </p><p>They started preparing then. Jungeun didn’t tell her much more than to make sure she had an actual knife with her. </p><p>“Even if I didn’t have moonlight,” Jinsoul peered at the blade, “I wouldn’t need it.” And she’d started summoning light. Most of what she’d managed were shapeless clumps of it, but occasionally she’d made something that looked somewhat like a club. Jungeun strapped an axe and a short sword to her waist. “Then make sure you have a decent amount of water.”</p><p>She wanted to ask her about the weapons. Why would a <em>fire elf</em> need actual weapons? And why two? Especially if the light gave her an actual arsenal?</p><p>But she didn’t. What if that led to another path she didn’t want to tread? She didn’t want to know if Jungeun had specific tactics for killing different targets. She didn’t want to hear about what was more efficient. She didn’t want to hear any of it. </p><p>Jungeun hefted a massive pack onto her shoulder. It looked like it was about twice her weight. Whatever strength her immortality had given her meant it wasn’t a problem, but it still looked bizarre. </p><p>Catching her eye, Jungeun smiled ever so slightly. “Food,” she explained. “And some things we’ll be able to sell.”</p><p>Right. Patrols included training. They sometimes lasted more than a day too. It looked like this would be one of them. </p><p>Her smile faded. “You can still go with Jiwoo. They always leave later than I do.” </p><p>“Do you even want to do this with me?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Again, Jungeun looked surprised. “I,” she trailed off. “Yeah,” she said. “I do, but if you’re uncomfortable around me, then—”</p><p>“I’m not uncomfortable,” she cut her off. “I just don’t want,” she broke off, realising she had no idea what she wanted to say. </p><p>But Jungeun just nodded. “I get it.” She adjusted the bag she wore. “Let’s go.” Whatever smile she might’ve had before was gone. </p><p>And Jinsoul was the reason for it. </p><p>_____</p><p>Both of them had had to conceal their hair. Jinsoul was able to turn hers black, but Jungeun’s was only a lighter brown. Jinsoul had no idea why that was. The biggest change was when her eyes turned from red to brown. It was the closest she’d come to looking normal. </p><p>But even though the changes succeeded in making her seem less ethereal, Jungeun still didn’t look all that human. She was far too beautiful for that. </p><p>But even so, she spoke with a relatively accent-free Korean in the human village. Her eyes were only gentle and her entire way of carrying herself had humbled. She’d managed to make herself seem like just a young woman who’d managed to find different herbs and other assortments of valuable items. </p><p>Not one of the mortals whose eyes caught on her would’ve been able to guess what she was capable of. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered how much that mattered. Just as Haseul had said, as well as Sua, many of the Astra had also been sucked into cycles of violence. She wondered if even the kindest faces had also been there. Haseul definitely fell into that category. </p><p>And if she hadn’t heard of Jungeun’s actions over the years, the fire elf could’ve very well fallen into that category as well. At least in the beginning.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jungeun said. She seemed so sincere. It was so strange to see Jungeun look like a mortal, acting like it too. </p><p>The vender smiled widely. “It was lovely to see you again.” </p><p>When they left, Jungeun muttered, “normally, it’d be best to avoid someone like that. Problem is he’s got the best prices in this region. His father was like that too.” </p><p>“Aren’t you risking them recognising you?” It wasn’t as if Jungeun was in any way forgettable. No amount of grime could conceal the fact that she didn’t age. </p><p>She shook her head. “I still have to visit the places further away, but in this one’s life,” she pointed, “I’ve still got a few years until his children are old enough to remember my face.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “He has children?” That meant a wife too. And the way he’d stared definitely hadn’t shown that. </p><p>“I know.” Jungeun grimaced. Then she looked back to the road they were on. “We still need to stop by their witch.”</p><p>They kept walking. Jinsoul started to spot people staring at <em>her</em>. She hadn’t been among mortals much. If she had, she’d used more illusions to remain out of the humans’ attention. </p><p>Jungeun seemed oblivious to it, though she occasionally smiled at those she passed, including an elder woman with a basket of bread in her arms. It was strange to see someone of that age in villages like this. Sadly, too many died long before they should have. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. The mortality of the humans wasn’t something she wanted to consider. It never failed to make her heart heavy. </p><p>The witch in question lived in a more luxurious house, but it wasn’t the wealthiest. So there was some restraint in extravagance. </p><p>“If you’re not careful, you might come away with bright blue hair ro a missing nose.” The expression on Jungeun’s face was a fond one. </p><p>“Are there traps or does she have a short temper?”</p><p>She smiled slightly. “Both. She had one encounter with necromancy, but that was years ago. Now she just likes using a few jinxes now and again.”</p><p>They reached the door and Jinsoul immediately felt uncomfortable. </p><p>“You’ll sense magic more viscerally than before.” Jungeun’s voice was soft. “The moon makes a lot of magic seem grey or black, even if most of it isn’t destructive.” Her hand went to the door. “They just feel wrong to us—once you’re tied to the moon.”</p><p>Jinsoul noted the hitch. She didn’t know why it had been there. </p><p>The fire elf just opened the door then, leaving it open for Jinsoul. </p><p>The house felt sweet, like a bakery. There was an undertone of several other scents, all of them belonging to potions or their various ingredients. </p><p>“A new one?” A very bright voice reached her ears. </p><p>From behind a large shelf, a girl appeared. She had a distinct look to her that seemed more like a fairy than a witch. Her hair was pale, but with several hues of pink. </p><p>“Also chosen by the moon,” Jungeun said. “How far’re you with the elixirs? </p><p>She pouted. “That’s all I’m good for?” After a moment, she added, “they’re almost finished.” </p><p>She nodded. “And is there anything new?” </p><p>The pout deepened. “Might just send your after a pack now.” Then she smiled at Jinsoul. “Mind introducing us?” </p><p>“That’s Yeri,” Jungeun told her. “One of the youngest witches we’ve ever dealt with, but she’s the best I’ve ever seen.” </p><p>The witch’s eyes lit up with glee. She was practically glowing. </p><p>Jinsoul looked once to the luge and saw that there was actual a small glow. She felt a bit of pride as she watched it. </p><p>“I’m Jinsoul.” </p><p>“Oh!” She smiled. “The healer. I didn’t know it was you going to the Astra.” </p><p>“You’ve heard of me?”</p><p>“A little,” Yeri winked, “my mentor was called to the sea a bunch.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. At the very least, it was only because of that. Her name wasn’t known. She preferred that. </p><p>“From what I know, you lunar types never let us come. We just get asked for potions.” Yeri grinned at her. “So I’d appreciate it if you don’t start brewing everything for them.” Then she pursed her lips. “Unless it’s an emergency. I’m not heartless.” Then she disappeared into another room. “Want a drink?”</p><p>Jinsoul found herself looking to Jungeun. She shook her head. </p><p>“It’s really strong,” Jungeun said in crosesh. “Maybe on the way back,” she called in Korean. </p><p>A snort. “You’re boring today.” Then she returned. “But here’s something for the road.” She handed her a bag. It sounded like there was glass in there. </p><p>Jinsoul caught Yeri sending Jungeun a pointed look. </p><p>The fire elf just nodded. “Thanks.” She smiled lightly. Then she handed her a large piece of light. </p><p>“There’s a battle tomorrow. Smaller than most, over the passage to the north.” Then she frowned. “And on that road up there, I also heard of an attack. Be careful there.</p><p>She nodded. “No witches? Blood suckers?” </p><p>Yeri shook her head. “A fairy stopped by. She was tracking another down, but I think she’ll do fine without help.” </p><p>“How many people come by here?” Jinsoul asked. Witches were relatively common, but many were often sought after.</p><p>“You’d be surprised,” she replied. “I’ve had wolves before the full moon, elves who can’t brew a healing potion for their life, fairies lecturing me about herbs, even vampires wanting a little something against their thirst.”</p><p>“And you have a solution for all of that?” </p><p>She nodded, pride evident in her expression. “Except for the lectures, but they actually help a bunch.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt herself start to smile. “Want to pass it on?” </p><p>Yeri’s eyes widened. “You’re interested in that?” </p><p>She nodded. “What the fae’re willing to share should be heard more than once.”</p><p>The witch laughed, a bright smile on her face. “Oh you Astra have won with this one!”</p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jungeun nodded. Then she stopped.</p><p>“So when you come back for supplies, I’ll give you some of my notes.” </p><p>“What do you want in return?” Jinsoul would give it, if reasonable.</p><p>“Nothing.” </p><p>She didn’t believe that. “And what’ll you want in a year?” </p><p>A small smirk appeared. “By that time, I’ll have done a few other favours. They’ll be repaid, but you don’t have to do this one.”</p><p>“Okay.” Jinsoul knew she’d sounded cautious. Almost every time witches came to help at the coast, they’d demanded payment, mostly from the riches that the sea held. </p><p>Yeri shrugged. “I know you probably never took anything for your healing work—which is great, but not when the food prices <em>and</em> taxes are getting brought up.” </p><p>“Taxes?” Jinsoul repeated. She’d heard about them before. At least she’d heard the word. </p><p>Yeri stared at her. “I always forget how little you people know about humans.”</p><p>She felt a blush coming. “It’s to do with the town leadership, isn’t it?”</p><p>“And the kingdoms,” she said. “Or empire if you’re really unlucky.” She sniffed. “But you don’t have to pay for a whole eternity. I’m mortal, and I’ve gotta pay.” She sounded heartbroken, but she didn’t look it. </p><p>“So now that you’ve explained taxes,” Jungeun said, her eyes light with humour. “We’ll get to that spirit and the battle.” </p><p>The witch just stuck her tongue out. “I barely explained that.”</p><p>“It was enough when I asked you,” she glanced at Jinsoul, “unless you want to know more?”</p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>“See you in a bit!” Jungeun started walking back. </p><p>Jinsoul followed. </p><p>Then a hand blocked her path. </p><p>And then there was a sharp crack. Jungeun coughed, but it almost sounded like a squeak. </p><p>There was a light laugh, but it sounded a lot like a cackle. </p><p>Jungeun took her hand back. She looked stunned and very confused. </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Jinx.” Her voice came out as a high-pitched squeak. Her eyes widened. “Ye—” Another squeak. She clamped her mouth shut. </p><p>Behind them, Yeri was laughing fully. </p><p>“Maybe if—” Jungeun whispered a high-pitched curse then. </p><p>Jinsoul snorted. Yeri laughed harder. </p><p>The fire elf immediately left the house.</p><p>“How long does it last?” Jinsoul called. </p><p>“An hour,” Yeri said. “Maybe two. It’ll go faster if she speaks.”</p><p>She frowned. “Really?”</p><p>Another laugh. “Might be worth a try.”</p><p>When Jinsoul left the house, Jungeun was still there. She was staring at the sky, her ears a bright red. Even though she’d made them round to look like human ears, she hadn’t hidden that odd blush of hers. </p><p>“She told me it wears off in a few hours,” Jinsoul said. “Faster if you talk.” </p><p>“Don’t believe a thing,” Jungeun squeaked. Then she covered her face. “Let’s leave?” Her voice was barely a whisper, but it was like a whistle. </p><p>Jinsoul hid the smile that was forming. “Let’s go.” </p><p>The next small journey turned out to be hilarious. Jinsoul had started by asking where exactly they were going. </p><p>Jungeun had started to answer, stopped, and then kept talking. She’d only stopped when she’d caught Jinsoul snickering. Whatever annoyance she’d had faded for a second. Then it came back.</p><p>“You’re doing that on purpose.” The fire elf glared at her. With her high voice, she looked nowhere near as threatening as she might have. It didn’t help that her face was as luminously red as her ears were. </p><p>“Does it hurt?” Jinsoul raised her brow. </p><p>“No—” Jungeun sighed, even that was higher than normal. </p><p>They kept walking. Jinsoul felt lighter than she had in days. </p><p>“This isn’t the worst one,” Jungeun muttered. Jinsoul hadn’t even heard children that sounded like this. At least, none that were so articulate. And none that swore. </p><p>“Did you also walk into that one?” She asked, even though she knew Jungeun had kept her from taking that spell as well. </p><p>“Jiwoo did. It made her have to sniff the person speaking to her.”</p><p>Jinsoul snorted. “You’re lying.” Though the picture in her mind was perfect. “They can’t make a spell so specific.”</p><p>“Yeri managed it.” She shrugged. “I can always ask her to cast it for you.”</p><p>“By that time she’ll like me enough that she’ll give it to you instead.”</p><p>Jungeun gave her a look. It was ruined the moment she opened her mouth. “I don’t think you want me sniffing people.”</p><p>Jinsoul covered her mouth to stifle the laughter. It didn’t work. </p><p>Jungeun groaned. It sounded like a whine. </p><p>She laughed harder. “Stop,” she gasped, “talking.” </p><p>“I’ll try my best,” she mumbled. Her ears were somehow even redder. Almost glowing. </p><p>Jinsoul calmed down quickly enough, but she felt good. She’d have to thank Yeri for that jinx. </p><p>A hand waved in front of her face. </p><p>Jinsoul looked at Jungeun. She made a motion of not speaking, a slight challenge in her eyes. Then she waved at the path. </p><p>So Jinsoul looked there. It was a normal man-made path, with a sign pointing to a town somewhere in the distance. </p><p>“There’s nothing here.”</p><p>Jungeun said nothing. </p><p>Jinsoul looked for any water. Thankfully, she couldn’t do anything with blood, but she could sense the water within it. </p><p>She didn’t find any, save for that which the ground and plants had absorbed. </p><p>Jungeun was still silent, motionless. Whatever she wanted Jinsoul to see, she wasn’t going to give her a hint. </p><p>Somehow, Jinsoul appreciated that more than it annoyed her. </p><p>She looked back to the path and just focused on it. </p><p>She started to feel something distinctly <em>off</em>. Wrong. It made her nervous. </p><p>So she looked to the light. She saw shadows appear across the ground. They almost looked like bloodstains, full of fear. There was a more focused streak of another shadow, one that she could follow in the direction of that town. Jinsoul felt anger emanating from it. Terror as well. </p><p>“Oh,” Jinsoul blinked once and the shadows vanished, “and what about the person who was attacked?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “If Yeri,” she closed her eyes, another sigh leaving her, “if she didn’t tell us where to find them, that means she didn’t know.” </p><p>This time, Jinsoul was able to <em>not</em> smile. </p><p>“So before tomorrow, we’ll find them and,” her expression grew sombre, “hopefully take back whatever they got.” </p><p>“And what about what they saw?” If a mortal’s worldview was shattered and they were hurt by it, that trauma was especially damaging. </p><p>“Yeri’ll have already sent for a mental fee. They’ll come after.” She went in the direction of where that shadow had gone. “We might meet them. We might not.”</p><p>Jinsoul was torn between wanting to see them and not. She didn’t want her mind to be invaded, but she also wanted to see how someone else acted around Jungeun. If they could see what was in her mind, would they be scared, disgusted, or something else?</p><p>But even then, she didn’t want to use someone’s magic to find that out. It had to be obvious, or at least not that hidden. And the mental fae overstepped any boundary as soon as they read your thoughts. The emotional fae were almost worse, because they could both see and change your emotions. The Astra seers saw your future, some saw your past, while all of them had some idea about who you were in that moment. They either saw the hints of your mood, or other pieces of your past. Shadows meant fear, anger, sadness, or something close to evil. </p><p>Haseul had told her they weren’t all bad things, because there were shadows that followed every immortal. That sort of thing was inevitable when they lived so long. It was normal. </p><p>But that didn’t mean that Jinsoul wanted anyone <em>seeing</em> any of that. </p><p>Before, Jinsoul had only ever been able  to tell if someone was fighting tears. She’d already thought <em>that</em> was too personal. </p><p>“Do you want to come with me when I find them?” An open question. </p><p><em>You don’t have to come</em>, was the other meaning. Jinsoul appreciated the phrasing, but Jungeun probably didn’t notice the way she’d said it. </p><p>“I’ll come,” Jinsoul said. “Because if your voice still sounds like that when we get there, you’ll probably need me.2</p><p>Jungeun stared at her. “Probably.” She looked away, but Jinsoul swore that she saw the corner of her lip raise up. </p><p>She started walking on to the next town. </p><p>Jinsoul occasionally asked her about what they were going to do. Sometimes it was genuine and Jungeun actually answered. </p><p>Other times, she realised Jinsoul was just asking to get a high-pitched answer. Then she gave her a pointed look and didn’t answer. Or, she muttered something under her breath about the witch, sounding ridiculous, or Jinsoul having too much fun with her voice. </p><p>“I think your voice’s getting deeper,” Jinsoul said after some time of walking. </p><p>“Really?” Jungeun’s brow rose. </p><p>She made her voice several octaves higher. “Really.” </p><p>A very high sigh was the response. “You’re having fun with this.” </p><p>Jinsoul hummed. “I think I’ll ask Yeri to teach me that spell too.” </p><p>Jungeun looked horrified. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly smiled. Then she stopped herself. </p><p>Only Jungeun’s voice had changed. Nothing else. </p><p>She looked away. </p><p>And just like that, the lighter atmosphere around them collapsed. </p><p>Jinsoul only saw a hint of it before it disappeared, but she saw Jungeun deflate. </p><p>Not for the first time, she felt a pang of guilt. She also pushed that down. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A slightly more light-hearted chapter. At least when it comes to the way they're talking to one another. </p><p>Any thoughts on what's happening? Or what may come? </p><p>Hope you're all doing well! I can't quite express how excited I am for their comeback. This'll be my second one with Loona, so it'll be a new era to enjoy as well, so that'll be great. </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Oddly poetic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The spell wore off by the time they reached the town. Unsurprisingly, it hadn’t exactly made it wear off faster. </p><p>Jinsoul remained silent as Jungeun spoke to the different people about the person who’d been attacked. Rather than charming, she seemed purely kind. She stayed vague, but reassured that there’d be a search of the surroundings for the person responsible. </p><p>It was damage control, ensuring that the humans wouldn’t questioning why someone who’d been hurt had suddenly recovered. </p><p> Jinsoul could already feel the sense of wrong in the air. She knew it came from the edges of the town. </p><p>And then they were going there. The feeling grew. Was this what she’d now feel because of the new magic? </p><p>“He’ll live,” Jungeun muttered. It didn’t sound as if she was talking to Jinsoul. </p><p>She walked directly to a very small house. It was more of a shack. </p><p>Jungeun knocked. “I can help with what happened,” she called softly. </p><p>Silence. Jinsoul could hear two people in the house. One’s breath was hurried, scared. The other’s seemed frustrated. They came to the door. </p><p>“What do you want for it?” Their voice was harsh. </p><p>“Nothing.” Jungeun looked straight at the door, but her expression was already gentle. </p><p>Another long pause. </p><p>The door opened a fraction. “No one does anything for nothing.” The woman was relatively tall, her face lined with worry. It didn’t match her aggressive tone. </p><p>“I don’t lose anything helping you.” </p><p>It seemed like the exactly wrong thing to say. </p><p>But the woman only scoffed and opened the door further. </p><p>“How can a deer do this?” she asked, her voice now shaky. “He’s freezing. He’s not—not,” her tougher facade faded, “he cried in his sleep.” </p><p>“It’s a poison,” Jungeun told her. “And I’ll make it go away.” </p><p>“He keeps talking about its eyes. They were red?” </p><p>Jinsoul saw Jungeun flinch, but the woman hadn’t. </p><p>“It was glowing,” the woman muttered. “Is that possible?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jungeun said. </p><p>“And you can help?”</p><p>She nodded. </p><p>“Then do it,” the woman said. “Please.” </p><p>Jungeun immediately went to the far side of the room. The sense of unease was strongest there. It almost felt like evil. If that was a feeling. </p><p>Jinsoul still followed. It smelled of stew. She spotted an untouched bowl of food on the ground. It also smelled of raw meat. She saw a slab of it on a tiny table. As well as the skin of whatever animal it had once been. </p><p>“Who’re you?” The woman was almost in her way, completely unaware that Jinsoul was so much stronger than she was. Her focus was only on protecting the one who’d been attacked. </p><p>“No one important,” Jinsoul said. “She’s the one helping.” </p><p>The woman nodded.</p><p>Jungeun was kneeling beside a boy. He couldn’t have been much older than twenty. He was pale and shivering. Jinsoul could feel the tears still welling up in his eyes. </p><p>She looked closer and saw the darkness. It was focused on his leg, but it looked as if a part of it was drifting upwards. It had reached his abdomen. </p><p>“He’ll be alright,” Jungeun said, pulling away the blanket. Even that movement was full with care. </p><p>The leg had been wrapped in cloth. When Jungeun took it away, there was no cut. The skin was dark grey. That colour was crawling up. It was in his blood, but it didn’t flow along with it. </p><p>Jinsoul was suddenly amazed that the human hadn’t been in hysterics. Seeing something so unnatural should’ve been something to completely terrify.</p><p>They watched as Jungeun’s skin began to glow. Jinsoul watched her put a hand to the boy’s leg. The darkness there shrank away. </p><p>And then it snapped towards Jungeun’s hand. Black soundless trailed up her arm. Jungeun had winced. </p><p>Several minutes passed. The woman kept asking questions as Jungeun quietly reassured her. </p><p>Colour returned to the boy’s face. His heart rate has evened our, as had his breathing. </p><p>Jungeun’s heartbeat had quickened, but her breathing was slow. Controlled.</p><p>Then she pulled her hands away. She looked tired, but that faded too. Hidden away. </p><p>“Why isn’t he waking up?” The woman moved closer, eyes half full of awe, half full of worry. “Isn’t he—“</p><p>“He needs rest,” Jinsoul told her. “His body was fighting the poison the moment it got it. His mind was working against whatever nightmare he had.” She tried to make herself sound as reassuring as Jungeun had. “He’s just exhausted.” </p><p>The woman nodded. Then she looked back to the boy. He had to be her son, or a younger brother. Jinsoul couldn’t quite tell. </p><p>“He’ll never go into the forest again,” she murmured. </p><p>“He will,” Jungeun said. She smiled slightly, but this time, Jinsoul saw the strain behind it. “Someone else may come here in the next days. They’ll make sure you’re both alright.” </p><p>A fairy to wipe both their memories. Was that fair? </p><p><em>Wrong question</em>, she thought. Of course it wasn’t fair. It also wasn’t fair that humans were mortal, while they weren’t. It wasn’t fair that the majority had no magic, or that they healed so much slower. An elf could be stabbed in the stomach and survive with a spell, but it took a human a genuine miracle to survive. And even then, they didn’t live long after. </p><p>Jinsoul always wished she could do more for the mortals, but she’d never been allowed to do much. Everything to hide their existence m. Everything she was allowed to do was hidden beneath layers of bandages and ointments, or done while the mortal was unconscious. </p><p>But even then, Jinsoul’s elders had stopped her from helping people she could’ve easily saved. </p><p>“We can go,” Jungeun whispered then, breaking Jinsoul from her thoughts. </p><p>Even though the strange feeling had faded, she was glad to leave. </p><p>“Thank you,” the woman said. </p><p>Jinsoul watched several emotions try to form in Jungeun’s eyes. There was something closed off, something pained, and then a subdued kindness. </p><p>“Don’t thank me,” she finally said. “Just keep safe. For the next weeks, don’t go into the forest alone. Not even the two of you.”</p><p>Then she left. Abruptly.</p><p>Jinsoul smiled at the woman once, before she made to leave as well. </p><p>“Did she forget that?” </p><p>She looked to where the woman was pointing. A small brown pouch lay where Jungeun had sat. </p><p>She picked it up, surprised at its weight. Inside were several pieces of bronze, iron and copper. It was nothing less than a fortune </p><p>Jinsoul nearly said yes, but something stopped her. Jungeun had been genuinely worried for the boy. </p><p>“This is yours,” she gave it to her, “stay safe.” She left before the woman could see what was in there. </p><p>But she still heard her call after them. She made sure the door closed. </p><p>Jungeun was waiting, looking down at her hands. Then she put them down, the furrow in her brow smoothing away. </p><p>“I think that’s enough time with civilisation,” she said. “We can either camp or try looking for spirits.” She started walking quickly. </p><p>“You can do that after that?” Jinsoul waved at the house. </p><p>“I still have enough. And I’ll get more.” She nodded to the sky. “It works very fast.” </p><p>“Did you leave that money?” </p><p>“He was out hunting.” Jungeun fidgeted with the knife at her waist. The axe and sword had been hidden by a spell. </p><p>“How’d you know that?”</p><p>“They call that poaching here. He was out at night, scared of being caught. They like that. It’s like a beacon for them.” She shrugged. She didn’t explain how she’d known. </p><p>But Jinsoul remembered the stew, as well as the bloodied animal remains. </p><p>The money was meant to keep them out of the forest. To let them buy from the actual venders. </p><p>They walked on in silence. Jinsoul didn’t ask her anything else. Jungeun didn’t fill the silence either. </p><p>______</p><p>Hunting for the spirits ended up being relatively easy. Jungeun had left it to Jinsoul to track them, a not so subtle way of making her practice. </p><p>And then they’d found them. One bird and one goat. The bird was black, like a crow, but it looked like a dove. The goat was a deep blue. </p><p>“I’ll take the bird?” Jungeun’s eye was already white. A thin blade had appeared in her hands. The air around her had warmed. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a sharp tug in her head as she summoned the moonlight. It was a formless clump. She broke it in half to have a sharp edge. </p><p>The spirits had spotted them, but they hadn’t attacked yet. Were they waiting? Jinsoul didn’t like that. It meant they could plan. </p><p>Then a thin spurt of flames tore into the air. It shot between the spirits, alive with moonlight. A mixture of the two? </p><p>The spirits leapt apart. Then they ran for Jungeun and Jinsoul. </p><p>Jungeun was already moving, light trailing behind her as she ran. </p><p>Jinsoul tore her eyes away, dodging the goat when it leapt towards her. It’d gone for her neck. </p><p>She was careful not to touch it. She focused instead on the moonlight in her hands, trying to make them longer. It didn’t work. </p><p>The spirit returned. She rolled away, driving her arm back. She felt a rush of cold along her fingers. The sharp screech that followed made her wince. </p><p>The spirit was glaring at her with silver eyes. She felt the pain and anger streaming off of it in waves. Then she watched as the eyes turned a warm brown. Its blue coat turned sky blue. </p><p>The sense of cold faded. Only Jinsoul’s hand felt freezing. </p><p>“Put that in your other hand,” Jungeun said. The bird, now green, stood atop her shoulder. Its head brushed her cheek now and then in a strangely affectionate manner. </p><p>Jinsoul put the other piece of moonlight in her hand. It soothed the cold, but immediately began to crumble. There were grey and black strands going through it. Then they faded, but the light had broken. </p><p>“It’s destroyed by the darkness?” </p><p>“They destroy each other,” Jungeun replied. “I don’t know how, but a lot of it just depends on how much, or how strong the light is, and the other way round.” Her eye turned red again, but was still bright. Her skin had also lost the light. Something was different. Was it the way she carried herself? Or the look in her eyes?</p><p>Jinsoul straightened, unnerved by the way the goat watched her. Its pain had seemed so real. The calm and open gaze was uncannily real as well. </p><p>“Why were there two?” Jinsoul asked. “Aren’t they usually alone?” </p><p>She shook her head. “Pairs are pretty common. They even stay together after they’re turned.”</p><p>“And if only one is?” </p><p>“They still find each other,” Jungeun said. “One ends up turning the other.”</p><p>It was oddly poetic. </p><p>“The same happens to Astra, right?”</p><p>Her brow knitted together. “What?” </p><p>They kept walking. Jinsoul didn’t ask where they were going. </p><p>Instead, she asked, “aren’t they connected like that as well?” </p><p>After a moment, Jungeun nodded. “I don’t see it as often as I thought I would. It’s mostly a private thing.” She chuckled once, but it sounded forced. “Unless you count the seers.”</p><p>“They can see that too?” Jinsoul felt a surge of irritation. Yet another breach into a person’s life, but instead of your future, thoughts, or feelings, it was the person whose soul was bound to yours. </p><p>Another nod. “As far as I know, no one else can, not even the bonded people. Apparently, it’s pretty clear if you are.” </p><p>“Then how do they find out?” She frowned. “Do they just tell you?” </p><p>“Some people ask. Sometimes they announce it.” The way Jungeun explained it, didn’t seem like she had in the beginning. It wasn’t as casual. </p><p>“Announce it?” Jinsoul repeated, feeling slightly sick. “I thought it was supposed to be private.”</p><p>“Private, yes, but sacred too.” Jungeun looked confused at her own words. “Like the ceremony before a wedding, or however the mortals do that.”</p><p>“And do you think it’s sacred?” It was a weighted question. She knew that, but she wanted to know what sort of answer she’d get. </p><p>“The bond itself,” she trailed off, pursing her lips. “From what I’ve seen, yeah.” </p><p>“But?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed, but it was empty. “Being bound to me isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.” She peered at her. “And with the way the bond’s supposed to be, you can feel what they do. Sometimes you even see their dreams.”</p><p>Jinsoul watched as a new expression formed. There was something like regret, but also vaguely hopeless. She didn’t hide it either. What had changed? She looked into the light then. There was still a shadow of fear. It seemed to have been laced all across her arm, some of it in the top part of her chest. Shouldn’t that have been gone by now? </p><p>“No,” Jungeun looked back to the forest, “I’m glad there’s no one.” </p><p>The words hung in the air. </p><p>“You asked.” Jinsoul didn’t know what to make of that either. </p><p>She didn’t reply. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t ask anything else. She was surprised that Jungeun had even said as much as she had. Even more surprised that it’d been honest. </p><p>But it also struck her that Jungeun had given away more than just that. Whatever dreams she had, she didn’t want anyone else to see them. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A shorter chapter, I know, but I wanted to get this out before the weekend. I've got an exam on Friday, but a part of this has been sitting in a document for a week already. I just wanted to finish it up. Also, I've been in a really great mood since the comeback. The entire album has been perfect for my writing, plus Why Not, despite taking a few listens to get used to, never fails to lift my spirits. I'm so happy the girls are back. </p><p>We got into the topic of bonds a tad, but if you're new to this world and I didn't explain it properly, being bonded basically means you're soulmates. Some people can literally see if two people are tied together by the moon and being connected doesn't exactly push those people together, but there're experiences unique to being bonded. As said in the chapter, you can see their dreams, sometimes feel their pain, or even what they're feeling emotionally. It's a bit of a complicated subject, but you really don't need to know it well to understand this story. </p><p>I hope you enjoyed! I always take time with developing the relationships, even if they're far from romantic at first. It's what feels most natural to me when writing. </p><p>Would love to know your thoughts! </p><p>Hope you're all doing well, see you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Not sleeping?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next part of patrol was so normal that it was strange. They’d had a small dinner of roasted meat and vegetables. They’d been awake for a night and an entire day, but the fatigue had only now washed over Jinsoul now that she’d eaten. </p><p>“Are we waiting until the battle passes, or do we have to be there?” </p><p>“Spirits avoid larger groups, even if they aren’t with magic,” Jungeun said. “But they’re almost always around a battle.”</p><p>“So they attack the survivors?” </p><p>“And anyone who tries to run,” she grimaced, “we have to patrol the edges.”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “So is this what you do? Look for people who were attacked, or could be attacked by spirits, and then track down the rest?”</p><p>“And other jobs Yeri, or another witch sends our way,” she replied. “You might even be on patrol when the full moon comes.”</p><p>“To hunt werewolves.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “Catch them, at least any newly turned one, or really manic ones.” A pause. “If we have enough, the moonlight can contain them. We don’t kill them.”</p><p>“I didn’t think you did.” </p><p>The fire elf looked away. She hadn’t believed her. She wasn’t hiding that either. </p><p>They were quiet again. </p><p>“I don’t know how long it’ll take tomorrow.” Jungeun got to her feet. “I’ll put in some runes.”</p><p>“The Astra use those too?” </p><p>“Similar ones,” she said. “But these are from my people.” She got to her knees and started to carve into the ground with her knife. When she finished, it glowed red. Then it filled with light. “The wards get stronger if you use both.” </p><p>“Like how you use it with fire?” Jinsoul remembered the bright streak of fire she’d used. </p><p>She nodded once. “Might be useful to find out what it does to the water.” She moved on to the next one. She was more closed off than normal. </p><p>“What does it do with you?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Gives me a better range, makes the fire brighter. Colder too.” She sighed. “Nothing huge.” </p><p>“Can you also use it for repulsion? Like a barrier.” The spirits had leapt away from the fire, though it technically shouldn’t have burned them, but they’d sensed the light it held. </p><p>The corner of Jungeun’s lip tugged up. “Yeah,” she nodded, “that too.”</p><p>She kept working on the runes. Her movements gave her away every now and then. Mostly, it was the way she stabbed into the earth. Her gaze was also harder than normal. </p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsoul called. </p><p>She looked up, uncertain. Again. </p><p>“Is the darkness from earlier still affecting you?” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes flickered away. </p><p>So Jinsoul asked a simpler question. “How does it actually affect a person?” She’d seen victims before. The memory still made her shiver. She was almost grateful she’d never seen someone in the process of dying from it. </p><p>At the very least, she’d be able to keep people from succumbing to that fate. </p><p>But she didn’t want to become a healer for the Astra. They already had a group of them. And that was a duty that needed someone who <em>cared</em><b><em>.</em></b> Jinsoul cared about a person’s wellbeing, but if she had no connection to the entire community, devoting her life to helping it wouldn’t work. </p><p>“You already know it’s cold,” Jungeun said then. “But it depends on what feelings’re in the spirit. There’s more than one emotion. You could be affected by any one of them.”</p><p>“Emotion?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “When I was last there, I asked a fairy if those colours had anything to do with emotions. They said it’s pretty much exactly that. Even the light’s made up of emotions.”</p><p>“You had to ask them?” Jinsoul frowned. “That wasn’t something the Astra taught you?” She had yet to hear anything close to that, but it made so much sense. She felt different things from different spirits. Sometimes the light of others made her feel a bit happier, oddly warm, or even excited. </p><p>“I don’t think they bothered to find out.” </p><p>And somehow, Jungeun had. </p><p>“Probably because they always had it?” Jungeun shrugged. “I don’t know about you, but all I need to know about fire is that it needs air to burn.” She went back to drawing the runes. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a bit of the former tension lessen. “I’ve looked into where the water tends to go. The weather too.” </p><p>Jungeun smiled. It seemed to come easier than before. “Is it true it’s always in the air?”</p><p>“Mostly. We breathe it out too,” she said. “That’s why you can see your breath when it’s cold.” </p><p>Interest flooded her expression. That was surprising. “Does our body <em>make</em> water?”</p><p>“We have to drink it still,” Jinsoul said. “But we do make it.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I don’t really get it, but,” she paused, seemingly searching for a word, “well, it’s interesting.” Her smile was sheepish. </p><p>“Plants do something like it too. They need the water, but any excess also comes out of their leaves.”</p><p>Her brow furrowed. “How?” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I don’t know. I just know it goes through the bottom of the leave. Not the top.” </p><p>“You probably already saw them, but with the maps the mortals keep making, the world’s more water than land.” She looked at her. “But the Arcsa probably knew that already, or?” </p><p>Jinsoul could only shrug. “I can feel how vast the ocean is, but nothing exact. Just that it’s huge.” She combed through the many times she’d met with sea elves. “Most stay in the area they were born. They know the different places within it well enough, even the depths. That’s enough for them,” she explained. “Just like how people on the coast almost never want to go into open water. And that’s flipped for the ones well below the surface.” </p><p>“So they’ve never been on land?” Jungeun glanced over, her brow having risen up again. </p><p>Jinsoul almost replied, but she had another question. “Do you really want to know all this?” A pause. “Or do you just want to make everything less quiet?”</p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “Both.” She looked down. “I don’t know much about the water at all. For obvious reasons.”</p><p>That left another silence. </p><p>“There’re some who’ve never even breathed air.” </p><p>“Wow,” she breathed out, looking stunned. “Could they if they wanted to?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “They’ve got everything we do, just an innate ability to breathe water. I had to learn that.”</p><p>Jungeun finished the next rune and faced her. “Learn it?” she repeated. Jinsoul couldn’t read that look. It was almost worried. </p><p>“I’m not a sea elf,” she said. “I’m actually tied too freshwater.”</p><p>“And you were at the sea?” A small frown started to grow. </p><p>“I have family there.” The thought gave her a pang of homesickness. It grew into an ache. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t ask another question. “Tea?” Instead two glowing white cups appeared. The light reflected in her eyes, which were glittering gently. </p><p>Jinsoul might’ve laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep.” </p><p>One cup disappeared. She didn’t look disappointed, but rather as if she’d expected this. </p><p>And if Jinsoul was honest, so had she. In fact, she’d expected the conversation to end with her and not Jungeun. Especially with her questions stopping, as if Jungeun knew they were veering into something more sensitive. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if she’d end up doing the same when the conversation went too close to something in Jungeun’s life. </p><p>Then again, she’d admitted to having dreams she wanted no one seeing. She’d admitted being afraid of water, or at least not having wanted a lot to do with it. </p><p>When Jinsoul laid down, she saw Jungeun settle down on the ground. Her large pack acted as a backrest. The fire was making small shapes. Its edges occasionally changed colour, ranging from purple to green. They were such precise changes, ones that needed a lot of skill. And practice. </p><p>Jungeun had said she’d only trained to fight. This sort of thing needed time. It wasn’t useful to any type of combat. </p><p>And now Jungeun did it absentmindedly, her fingers tracing the air. Was it just something that’d come over the years? Or something she’d learned when first grasping her magic, wanting to make fire beautiful and not simply a force to burn? </p><p>Jinsoul pushed the thoughts away. She wouldn’t be asking any time soon. “Your tea?”</p><p>The colours and figures faded. Jungeun lifted her gaze. “Hm?” </p><p>“You haven’t made tea. You’re just sitting there.” </p><p>“I take my time,” she replied. “I have a lot of it.” </p><p>“Not sleeping?” </p><p>Jungeun just smiled and shook her head. “I’m not tired.” Then, after a long moment, she said, “the wards are working. You can sleep.” </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded and turned around. </p><p>“Goodnight.” </p><p>For a good minute, Jinsoul debated saying it back. </p><p>She didn’t. </p><p>Sleeping was difficult. Again. And whenever she woke up, the fire was still burning, but it was a lot dimmer than before. </p><p>And Jungeun still hadn’t gone to sleep. </p><p>At least she’d made her tea. </p><p>______</p><p>Patrols had become a common thing. Jinsoul had started to learn where and when certain problems—vampire fiascos, rogue witches, or new wolves—were the most frequent. She’d met two more witches, one of whom seemed to have a not-so-subtle interest in Jungeun. She was a sweet one, but Jungeun never seemed to entertain that interest. She wasn’t cold, but she didn’t seem oblivious to it either. </p><p>Jinsoul had come to learn that Jungeun’s actual interests in others fluctuated. She still didn’t know if the fire elf’s gaze strayed to Haseul out of interest, or for another reason. </p><p>That was another thing. Sometimes, Jungeun was comically easy to read. Other times she was more complicated than a vampire. </p><p>When there wasn’t patrol, Jinsoul was encouraged to take breaks, as well as train more with Haseul. Once she managed to summon something with a sharp edge, Sooyoung had started to train with her too. </p><p>Sooyoung wasn’t as patient as Haseul, but for that she almost always kept things at a light and easy conversation. At least so far. There were the occasional, yet still vague, remarks about Jinsoul not knowing enough people. Sometimes she strayed a bit closer to the topic of Jungeun, either telling a short story, or mentioning how Jungeun compared to Jinsoul’s project. Apparently, she’d been much slower than Jinsoul. </p><p>And every time her name came up, Jinsoul became more convinced that Sooyoung was doing that on purpose. She didn’t know why yet. She also didn’t comment on it. </p><p>Where Jungeun went ‘on breaks’, that ranged from spending hours at the fire pit with the others to doing whatever ‘guard’ entailed. And then there were the patrols Jungeun did on her own. </p><p>Jinsoul was at the fire pit during one of them. It wasn’t as though Jungeun actually ate with her, but she tended to leave the pot she’d used above a slowly burning fire. It usually had two portions left in it. </p><p>One time, Jinsoul hadn’t eaten it. Then a very short girl had come by, accompanied with another Jinsoul had seen before. They’d gone ahead and eaten the food. The latter, Chaewon, had a very airy voice, while the other had a much deeper voice than should’ve probably been. She’d briefly introduced herself as Yeojin. </p><p>And now Jinsoul was starting to prepare her own meal for the day—night. She still hadn’t adjusted to the schedule. She wasn’t sure if she was trying hard enough or not. She still didn’t know if she wanted to adjust or not. </p><p>She also hadn’t asked Jungeun about the beginning of her time with the Astra. A lot of the time, it seemed she hadn’t adjusted. Jungeun barely had a proper sleep schedule, something that wasn’t exactly reassuring. </p><p>Jinsoul finished cutting the vegetables. She’d not gotten to the point of being able to make utensils out of the moonlight, so she’d always used ice. </p><p>One day, there’d been a cutting board, a plate, and cutlery, both made of iron, by the fire pit. Her suspicions were that it’d been Jungeun, but it hadn’t been a comforting realisation. </p><p>Even though she’d not wanted anything to do with her, Jungeun was a part of her days more frequently than any of the Astra. She didn’t even have to be there. Sometimes it was a person talking about her, or some sort of thing she’d done around camp, be it a fire or an iron plate left by said fire. </p><p>“Can we join?”</p><p>Jinsoul looked up. It was Sooyoung with Chaewon, as well as the two she’d seen before, but never met. There was the girl with dark eyes, though this time they had flickers of it, while the other one seemed to epitomise brightness, with sparkling peach-coloured eyes and a face already adorned with a smile. </p><p>“We brought enough so we all have seconds,” the girl said. </p><p>“Or some of us can have thirds,” the dark-eyed girl said. Her voice was surprisingly high. </p><p>“You can join.” Jinsoul tipped the vegetables into the pot. </p><p>The four girls sat down. </p><p>Sooyoung gently nudged the cheerful one. Immediately, Jinsoul could see the tenderness in her eyes. </p><p>“She doesn’t know you yet.” Sooyoung gave the dark-eyed one a look. “Or you.”</p><p>“I’m Jiwoo,” the peach-eyed girl said. “But most witches’ll only know me as Chuu.” </p><p>“Hyejoo,” the other muttered. “Olivia outside of camp. So keep that in mind.” </p><p>Chaewon shifted closer to Hyejoo then, but didn’t say anything else. </p><p>Even so, Hyejoo’s gaze softened. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a bit caught of guard. Were they so easy to read, or had they just left their guards down, not hiding anything about their group dynamic. </p><p>“You don’t use your real names?”</p><p>Chaewon snorted once and Hyejoo rolled her eyes, while Jiwoo just shrugged. </p><p>“Almost everyone uses their name,” Jiwoo said. “But Sooyoung had a few mixups.” She gave the person a wink. “We didn’t want to risk being tracked down.” </p><p>“Ah,” Jinsoul looked at her, “you’re that bad?” </p><p>Sooyoung chuckled. “Actually, I’m that good. Until it’s over.” </p><p>She saw Chaewon and Hyejoo cringe. Then the latter threw a pebble at Sooyoung. </p><p>Jinsoul wrinkled her nose. “So you also fall to the sorceress’ charms.” </p><p>Sooyoung poked her with her foot. “The other way round, thank you very much.”</p><p>She smiled. “I’m sure.” </p><p>Chaewon laughed then, just as airy as her voice. “Good, we’ll be coming here more often.” She eyed the pot. “At least depending on how that tastes.”</p><p>“You say that like your cooking doesn’t come with a side of coal,” Hyejoo muttered. </p><p>The fair-haired elf stared at her. Then she shoved her into the dirt. A short scuffle ensued, but the peals of giggles reassured Jinsoul that the two weren’t going to hurt each other. </p><p>“Will you be okay with that?” Jiwoo asked then. “If we come here?” </p><p>A no bubbled up into Jinsoul’s throat. She decided against saying it.</p><p>She stirred the pot. “That’s fine with me.” </p><p>Sooyoung looked up at that. Her brow quirked up ever so slightly. “That was fast.” </p><p>There it was again. Another remark. </p><p>“Don’t make me take it back.” </p><p>She laughed. “Wasn’t planning on it,” she raised her hands, “it’s a good thing.” </p><p>Chaewon had disentangled herself from the scuffle with Hyejoo. She leaned over to Jinsoul then. </p><p>“They stay annoying,” she whispered loudly, “but you learn how to throw it right back.” </p><p>“Sometimes too well!” Sooyoung called. </p><p>And that’s how it went for most of the night. Jinsoul’s cooking passed whatever standards Chaewon had put in place. </p><p>Until they settled into the comfortable silence that usually followed a meal. </p><p>“What’s the difference between healing with water and healing with spells?” It was Hyejoo asking. </p><p>“I need both for the best effect,” Jinsoul said. “But the water helps, because so much of our body is made of it.” </p><p>There was a slight shift in the atmosphere. </p><p>Hyejoo finally broke the silence. “Can water-healers control that too?”  </p><p>She saw both Jiwoo and Sooyoung look at her then. They were on sensitive ground now. </p><p>“Some,” Jinsoul said. “I can’t.” </p><p>The dark-eyed girl nodded, looking satisfied with the answer. </p><p>Then Jinsoul remembered. The Astra had had an encounter with the sea elves. A terrible one. Those elves had used the water to brutal effects, one of them being able to control blood. The Astra had then retaliated, but most hadn’t been killed. Instead, they’d been sentenced to banishment from the sea, as well as certain blocks put in place by the mental fae. Those were usually waves of terrible thoughts, memories, or even pain that triggered when the person tried to use their ability, had a specific thought, or tried to do something else. It was a frightening punishment. </p><p>Time had passed since that day, but that didn’t mean anything. If one of the girls had lost someone, that grief could have easily clung to them. The fear of a person with that magic could also prevail. </p><p>“If they’re able to,” Jinsoul began, choosing her words carefully, “we do everything we can to keep actions like that from happening again.” </p><p>Hyejoo smiled slightly. “It’s magic,” she said. “Either a weapon or a tool. Just like light, fire, or iron,” she looked at the fork in her hand, “you can kill someone with it, or help them.” </p><p>Around her, the three other elves were looking at her with very tender expressions. Each of them had a strong bond with the other. That had become so clear tonight. It was a nice change. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded once. “That’s why we try to find a balance. Alienating someone can only lead to resentment. And to add to that, Brieth and his followers were cruel.” Her eye caught on the fire then. She thought of someone whose actions could very easily be considered heartless and cruel. So easily that Jinsoul was sure they had been. </p><p>But with that came doubt. </p><p>“She killed him,” Sooyoung said then. She was looking at the fire too. </p><p>“He’d been sent to the mountains,” Jinsoul frowned, “she found him there?” Violence wasn’t forbidden there, but it wasn’t accepted either. For good reason. Those who’d been sent there had already gotten a sentence. </p><p>“He didn’t just take the lives of our people,” she replied, her gaze a bit sharper. </p><p>“They’d taken that into account,” Jinsoul countered. “Banishment was what they’d decided for.” There was a lot to be said for the hypocrisy she was seeing now. Jungeun was the cause of many deaths. Brieth had also been responsible for his own massacres. He’d had a following too. “There’re many people who want others dead, so how does that make this specific execution justified?” </p><p>But it seemed that the biggest difference was that they knew Jungeun and would defend her. </p><p>Then Jiwoo straightened. Her eyes widened ever so slightly. </p><p>Jinsoul realised that the air had warmed. It was getting warmer now. </p><p>“That smells good,” the slightly nasally voice said. “There still something for me?” Jungeun sat down beside Jiwoo. </p><p>She’d definitely heard that. Jinsoul didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, but something else she couldn’t put her finger on. It might’ve been somewhere in between that. </p><p>Sooyoung glanced at Jinsoul then, her gaze now unreadable. Chaewon and Hyejoo were having a silent conversation, looking more than a bit awkward. </p><p>Jungeun filled a bowl of moonlight with food. “I’d wanted him gone for a long time,” she said, not looking at any of them. “But it doesn’t make it any different to the people that want me gone,” she met Jinsoul’s eyes then, “it just means that some people can keep that fate from themselves. Others can’t.” </p><p>“Or they get it brought to them,” Jinsoul said. “Because people think they can carry out judgement by themselves,” she held the fire elf’s gaze, “or get their revenge.” </p><p>It was almost a shock when Jungeun’s expression <em>didn’t </em>change. She didn’t look hurt, or defensive. </p><p>“How was patrol?” Chaewon asked. “Did you find the bastard?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded, before the conversation went into a particular vampire they all seemed to hate. He’d not done anything terrible, but he continuously pestered them, especially Chaewon and Jiwoo. </p><p>Jinsoul let the lightness of the girls wash away the tension from before. She wondered what had been going through all of their heads. She didn’t know what to make of Jungeun’s reaction. She hadn’t been defensive. Almost the opposite. </p><p>But the others had been. Jinsoul almost expected them to treat her differently, but they hadn’t. </p><p>There’d been some cautionary looks when she hadn’t been looking, but their eyes had flickered between Jinsoul <em>and</em> Jungeun. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if that meant they’d separate the things she said and thought about Jungeun from everything else. </p><p>She hoped they would. </p><p>And when the day was starting to near, Jinsoul caught Jungeun’s eyes fluttering shut. </p><p>“You better sleep today.” Jiwoo elbowed her before getting to her feet. “Even with everything, you need it.” </p><p>Even with everything. What was that supposed to mean?</p><p>Jungeun just nodded. When she caught Jinsoul’s eye, the corner of her mouth tugged up. </p><p>Sooyoung came to Jinsoul’s side just before she started to leave. </p><p>“Wake her if it’s a nightmare,” she whispered. It was so quiet that no one else would’ve heard it, barely above a breath. </p><p>Then she was gone without a look back. </p><p>“You okay?” Jungeun was frowning after Sooyoung. </p><p>“Just tired too.” </p><p>She nodded and started shuffling in the direction of their tent. </p><p>“Was it a lot this time?” Jinsoul asked. Sometimes she didn’t like having too long a silence. </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “You could say that,” she said. “I think the past few days have just gotten to me.” </p><p>Jinsoul was pretty sure it’d been the past few weeks. Even if moonlight could energise you, a lack of sleep affected your body too. Whatever was keeping Jungeun up probably had a limit. </p><p>“I can sleep in another tent if you want,” she said quietly. She was looking at the ground again. </p><p>“It’s fine, Jungeun,” Jinsoul went into the tent, “unless you snore.” </p><p>She smiled and shook her head. She was looking exhausted now. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly asked her if something else had happened. She didn’t. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun whimpered. Her fingers curled around a bunch of fur. Then they tightened. The furrow in her brow deepened. </p><p>Jinsoul almost wanted to wake her, but when she went near her, she felt the warmth from her body. No, not warmth. Heat. Even the air she breathed felt oddly hot. </p><p><em>Wake her if it’s a nightmare. </em>Sooyoung’s words came to her mind. </p><p>This wasn’t unusual. Jungeun was haunted by something in her dreams. Jinsoul didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. </p><p>“Jungeun,” she called. </p><p>No response. Not even when she called again, louder this time. </p><p>Jinsoul reached out to shake her, but pulled her hand away immediately. Her skin felt like hot ash. </p><p>“Wake up,” she said it a bit louder. </p><p>No response. Jungeun just shifted, curling in on herself. </p><p>She didn’t want to do it, still feeling the heat on her fingers, but she had to. The last thing people trapped in a dream needed was to stay in it. </p><p>Jinsoul shook her again, before pinching her arm. </p><p>Jungeun started, eyes snapping open. They were a blazing red, the look in them was trapped. They met Jinsoul’s. </p><p>And in that moment, Jinsoul saw a flash of a memory. She heard screaming. She felt the heat of fire. She saw carnage around her. And she heard sobbing. Her own. </p><p>No, it was Jungeun’s.</p><p>She blinked and it all faded. </p><p>Jungeun wasn’t looking at her. She was just staring at her hands. </p><p>“Thank you,” she muttered, her voice thick. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t respond. She couldn’t.</p><p>“W-we can,” Jungeun coughed, “I’ll build a new tent.” She got to her feet. She was unsteady. Her hands were in fists at her side. </p><p>And then Jinsoul felt the tears building in Jungeun’s eyes. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Jinsoul said. “I’m not tired anyway.” She stood and walked to the exit. </p><p>The air around Jungeun wasn’t warm anymore. She’d taken it back. </p><p>Now that she was closer, she saw that the furrow in Jungeun’s brow hadn’t gone. She saw how shaken she was. </p><p>That was beneath the smiles and gentle gazes. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want to look at it any longer. </p><p>“You should stay,” Jinsoul told her, looking away. </p><p>“I’m still going to build another tent.” Jungeun pushed past her. “There’ll be no fire hazard then.” </p><p>“You told me you’d never set anything on fire in your sleep.”</p><p>She shrugged. “Doesn’t mean it can’t happen now.” She made to leave. </p><p>Jinsoul caught her arm. “If you don’t want me to know you’ve got nightmares, then at least say that instead of an excuse.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t respond. She just looked at Jinsoul’s hand. </p><p>“I don’t want anyone seeing me like that,” she said quietly. “And you don’t want that either.” She gently pulled her arm away, before leaving. </p><p>Jinsoul waited. She forced her gaze into that space of light. She saw Jungeun quickly moving away. The light around her had a shadow there. How had she not seen that before? </p><p>She left the tent then and walked in the same direction. </p><p>She didn’t know what she was expecting. She didn’t want to talk to Jungeun. She didn’t want to see that look again. </p><p>But she felt wrong staying where she was. </p><p>The sun was setting. The Astra’s day—night, would be starting in a few hours. </p><p>Jinsoul went in the direction Jungeun had gone. </p><p>If she closed her eyes, she could still see the site of the destruction. Caused by Jungeun. She could even remember the smell of the burnt flesh. It made her sick. </p><p>Had that been her dream? Or just a memory? </p><p>And how had Jinsoul even seen it in the first place? Moonlight didn’t let her see anything like that. Water definitely had no connection to the mind. </p><p>Maybe if she followed now, she could find out why she’d seen it. </p><p>Jungeun had started running at one point. The camp was relatively high up. She’d gone even higher. </p><p>Now Jinsoul knew why.</p><p>She watched as large plumes of fire rose into the air. They dissipated quickly, as if Jungeun was pulling them out of the air there too. </p><p>They didn’t stop. Jinsoul had no idea how much energy Jungeun used for that, if she could even run out. </p><p>Then a swathe of blue flames soared through the air. </p><p>Jinsoul watched it. She knew the air around it would be boiling. </p><p>She knew how good unrestrained magic could feel. If you controlled a force of nature like fire or water, the feeling of that being under your control was unmatched. </p><p>And now Jungeun was using it to escape her own head. </p><p>Jinsoul thought it would stop at the blue flames. It didn’t. </p><p>She stood there, watching bursts of flame arc through the air. They either spun or wove around each other. It was supposed to be a dance. It looked like the flames were fighting each other. </p><p>And she couldn’t look away. </p><p>Sometimes two flames met. Pieces broke away, almost as if the fire had solidified. Jinsoul had to scramble out of the way at one point. </p><p>Then the flames stopped. She’d heard that. </p><p>Jinsoul bit back a curse. </p><p>She had two options now. Leave and never talk about tonight again. </p><p>Or stay, see if Jungeun would come to her or not, and then go on with the night as if nothing had happened. </p><p>It took several minutes until Jinsoul saw Jungeun. She saw her from far away. She was glowing. Her hair was almost gold, her skin slowly reaching the glow of the moon. </p><p>Even from afar, Jinsoul’s magic let her know that Jungeun was drenched in sweat. How much effort had it taken for her to make those flames? Could she overdo it? </p><p>Jinsoul had once needed to heal a younger boy who’d tried to stop a wave. The effort had overwhelmed him, going as far as breaking his ribs and arms. He’d also had a headache for a week. </p><p>Jungeun had confusion etched across her face. Thankfully, that look from earlier was gone. </p><p>But she still looked drained. </p><p>“Yes?” Jungeun‘s eyes had turned partially orange and blue. Those colours fought with the red. Was that the effect of her magic? </p><p>Jinsoul said the first thing that came into her head. “What happened to the tent you wanted to build?” </p><p>“I have the whole night,” she replied. </p><p>“Right,” Jinsoul rolled her eyes, “I’m starting to think you’re doing this so you can get your usual company back.” </p><p>To her surprise, Jungeun laughed. Her brow furrowed as she did so. It almost didn’t seem like a real laugh. </p><p>But Jinsoul had heard her cackle before when she was talking to Sooyoung and the rest. It was an unexpected laugh, to say the least, but genuine. </p><p>“If that’s your biggest problem, then I’ll get right to making the new tent.” She started to walk past her. She radiated warmth. And she seemed a lot more calm. </p><p>Could Jinsoul ask her now? </p><p>“Wait,” she said. </p><p>Jungeun stopped immediately. The corner of her lip tugged up in a half smile, her gaze expectant. </p><p>The words of the others echoed in her ears. This wasn’t a facade. Not in the sense Jinsoul had expected, at least. </p><p>“Earlier,” Jinsoul started. “I saw something, after you woke up.” </p><p>The look in her eyes was replaced by dread. Her smile disappeared. </p><p>“What?” Jungeun’s voice was quiet. She sounded small. </p><p>Jinsoul almost felt guilty for what she’d seen. “I saw a massacre.”</p><p>What she saw next nearly scared her. </p><p>Jungeun’s expression shattered. Shame covered her face. </p><p>Jinsoul knew then that she’d seen flickers of this, but never in its full form. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jungeun said quietly. “You shouldn’t have seen that.” She took a step back. “T-that was,” she stammered. Her expression had shuttered, closing off before whatever panic she was feeling betrayed her. </p><p>“You don’t have to tell me,” Jinsoul spoke as though she was talking to a patient. She could already sense the tears Jungeun was fighting. </p><p>She shook her head. “That was my fault.” Her voice sounded thick. “I didn’t have control over it.” Then she straightened, the panic and the shame slowly receding. It didn’t leave her eyes. </p><p>“Was it the first time you’d fought?” </p><p>“No,” Jungeun said. “But the first time I killed anyone.” Something cracked in her expression again. “And it was four people.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want to, but she thought of what she’d seen. The four people burning and screaming. Two others crying. One person backing away. </p><p>“Did you know them?” </p><p>“No,” she said again. “And I’d hurt more after that.” A pause. “I knew them.” Her eyes caught on Jinsoul’s hand. </p><p>Jinsoul covered it with her other one, ignoring the way it stung. “That wasn’t your fault,” she said. “And I don’t think the others were either.” She’d seen people lose control. The same had happened to her. She’d just been lucky that the person she’d trapped in the whirlpool had been able to survive the water. </p><p>“Well,” Jungeun laughed, but it was harsh, “that was probably the last time anyone said that.” </p><p>She had no idea what to say to that. The look on Jungeun’s face was something fragile, even if there was frustration there. </p><p>“I’ll start building the tent.” Jungeun took a step back. “You won’t see anything like that again.” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You don’t have to do that.”</p><p>“I do,” she said. “The last thing you wanted was to share one with me. This’s better.” She started to walk away. </p><p>“Wait.” Jinsoul moved into her path.</p><p>Jungeun’s expression softened. “It’s okay,” she told her, “I know what you think of me and that’s fine.” She stepped to the side. “Just,” she let out a long breath, “it’s okay.” </p><p>“It’s fine with me,” Jinsoul said. “And it might be better for you if someone’s there.” It made sense that Jungeun hadn’t been sharing a tent with anyone before. She’d not let them. </p><p>“I can sleep alone you know,” she gave a laugh, “I couldn’t a few hundred years ago, but I’ve changed.”</p><p>“It’s not for that,” Jinsoul told her. “Is it always like that?”</p><p>Jungeun frowned. After a long moment, she said, “no.” </p><p>“Then it’s okay,” she moved out of the way, “I’ll just wake you if it comes up again.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply. </p><p>“I’ve done a lot of night watches,” she said. “I can get creative with waking you up too. Maybe splash you with water or something.” </p><p>She gave a soft chuckle. </p><p>“I’ll make my own tent if I need to,” Jinsoul continued. “I’m a pretty good judge at what my limits are.”</p><p>She saw the moment Jungeun gave in. Or gave up. </p><p>The walk back to camp was spent in silence. Jungeun was still vibrant from the magic she’d used. </p><p>When they reached the tent, Jungeun hesitated. </p><p>“I mean it,” Jinsoul said. “You should sleep here normally too,” she added. “Or do you sleep in the forest every day?” </p><p>Jungeun only shook her head. Then she went inside, laying down immediately. </p><p><em>Drop it</em> was the message. </p><p>So Jinsoul did. </p><p>She didn’t fall asleep that day. </p><p>And if what she heard was anything to go by, neither did Jungeun. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter wasn't exactly rushed, but today was a day I made free almost purely for writing. </p><p>Jinsoul's slowly getting adjusted to the Astra, but that has its own obstacles. She's also learning a little bit more about Jungeun, but what she'll do with that information is still a little bit up in the air. Do you think she's right to still think of Jungeun the way she does? </p><p>If you have any thoughts so far, or overall remarks on how the story's going, I'd love to hear them! </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’d happened gradually—Jungeun still didn’t know how it’d happened, but she’d stopped feeling like Jinsoul was judging her every action. </p><p>She still felt as if she had to prepare herself every time she met those eyes, but that dread was a little bit different now. There wasn’t much hostility there, but she couldn’t help but feel intimidated every time she had to meet them. </p><p>That was something Sooyoung found absolutely hilarious, and so did Chaewon and Hyejoo, of course. Jungeun was lucky she hadn’t said it aloud in front of Jinsoul. </p><p>There were some days that things were actually civil with the two of them. If they talked, it’d be about simple things and Jungeun had only ever heard a pointed remark once over the past weeks. </p><p>Things were still impressively awkward, but a little bit better than before. </p><p>It still wasn’t hard at all to see that Jinsoul thought she was only a few steps away from being a complete monster. What was harder to accept was the fact that Jungeun didn’t exactly have anything to say against that. </p><p>And that Jinsoul was right. </p><p>Jungeun had managed to stop thinking that way, at least most of the time. </p><p>It became a lot harder when she was around Jinsoul. </p><p>They were on their way to another patrol. Jinsoul had been catching on pretty quickly. She’d also started becoming friends with Yeri, definitely a good development. For the both of them. </p><p>“Is it hard taking the darkness?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Immediately, Jungeun knew where this was going. She’d been hoping that Jinsoul would want to avoid something like that. Many tried too. </p><p>“It depends,” Jungeun said. “Learning it doesn’t take long. It’s actually like trying to use your own magic instead of light.”</p><p>“So,” she looked over at her, the lightest of furrows in her brow, “if there’s someone who needs it today, can you teach me then?”</p><p>She pretended to think it over. She’d really wished Jinsoul wasn’t the person to <em>want </em>to take the darkness. </p><p>“I asked Haseul and she said the darkness already has to be there,” Jinsoul continued. “But healers don’t train by causing a cut.”</p><p>“At least not most of them.” Jungeun shrugged. Then she grimaced, realising what she’d said. “Sorry.”</p><p>Surprisingly, she didn’t look bothered. </p><p>“It feels like when a spirit hurts you. It lasts longer too, forcing you to remember memories you wanted to stay buried.”</p><p>Jinsoul raised her brow. “I hope you’re not going to start blocking me from that.” A pause. “Ideally, we should’ve been swapping who was taking and when.” </p><p>“Well,” Jungeun focused on the forest floor, “not always.”</p><p>“Really?” The doubt there was painfully clear. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I just, well,” she still couldn’t look up, “it’s better to have one person at the strongest they can be in that moment, not two people who’re both weaker.”</p><p>“That’s called sharing a burden, you know.” Jinsoul’s voice was quiet. </p><p>She could only shrug. “I’ll show you how it works. Some people get used to it, some don’t.”</p><p>“What’s the difference?”</p><p>“I,” she started, before shaking her head, “I don’t know.”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. She didn’t believe her. Of course she didn’t. </p><p>Jungeun fought a sigh. “It depends on who gets what,” she said. “Someone could know terror well, but at the darkness could unlock their traumas again.” She hoped Jinsoul wouldn’t ask too much more, so she kept saying what she could. “And it doesn’t stop. You’ll either get anger, maybe even hopelessness, or just get sucked right into the memory the next time you,” the words caught in her throat. She’d said too much. </p><p>“The next time you fall asleep,” she finished. “Is that why?” Her frown faded. “Why you don’t sleep?”</p><p>Jungeun almost said no. Then she realised that she’d extend this conversation more than necessary if she did. And there were other things she wanted to avoid talking about. </p><p>So she nodded. “Most of the time.” </p><p>Thankfully, Jinsoul actually dropped the subject. She didn’t actually talk anymore. </p><p>It felt weird. Sometimes, Jinsoul would talk a lot, seemingly enjoying it. From what she saw with Yeri, Jinsoul was brimming with curiosity, but also stories from her time before. Many of them lighthearted. </p><p>Except she wasn’t like that with the Astra. And she didn’t ever really feel the need to fill the silence when she was around Jungeun. </p><p>She didn’t know yet, but it was probably for a good reason. </p><p>Still, Jungeun found it hard to push down her own questions. She still wanted to know more, but she knew full well that Jinsoul wouldn’t want to tell her much of anything. </p><p>But she was still curious. </p><p>With a pang of disappointment, Jungeun kept her mouth shut. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun stood back as Jinsoul knelt beside the girl. </p><p><em>Don’t push on anything</em>, Jungeun had told her. <em>Just pull.</em></p><p>And if she was right, Jinsoul would see where she landed on the spectrum of people when it came to taking the darkness. </p><p>Jinsoul hoped she’d be able to handle it. </p><p>She sent another smile to the mother, before taking the girl’s hand. Her arm was covered in grey and black shadows. Her skin felt like ice. </p><p>It felt so distinctly wrong that Jinsoul nearly pulled her hand away. </p><p>She forced herself not let go and instead looked right into the light and through to the darkness. </p><p>It felt like being near those spirits. She felt so much at once, not only fear or anger, but also pain—the kind that came from betrayal and loss. It made her think of her father. </p><p>That was when she felt a surge of cold along her hand, grey spindles following that chill. </p><p>She realised that the darkness had been drawn to her. It’d wanted to join what she already held. </p><p>Jinsoul gritted her teeth and pulled. </p><p>A large part of it came easily, but it didn’t feel like light or water. It felt sluggish, bringing with it all the turmoil it’d trapped the child in. </p><p>Just the thought that this small girl had been forced to feel this encouraged Jinsoul to take the rest. </p><p>It was surprising how quickly it came. She hadn’t even needed more than one try to take all of it. </p><p>Was that because taking it had a cost? </p><p>Jinsoul pulled her hand way, only to see the last of the shadows sinking into her skin. She felt heavy. She was starting to feel hopeless too. Anger joined it. </p><p>“Someone’ll be here soon,” Jungeun said. “She won’t have nightmares after that.”</p><p>Faces seeped into Jinsoul’s mind at the sound of her voice. The people she’d failed to save. The ones who’d sunk into a stunned stupor, only to jerk away if someone drew near. Others who’d fall into hysterics if they so much as heard the crackle of a fire. </p><p>Jungeun had been the reason for some of that. As had some of the Astra. </p><p>But many others as well. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want the girl’s mother catching on, so she walked away. She could barely keep the restlessness from her feet. Her hands wanted to ball into fists, but she didn’t let them. </p><p>This was the darkness. It brought out what had been buried, but like Jungeun had said, it’d come all at once. Jinsoul felt the outrage she still had towards Jungeun. She was also reliving the fear of her first battle, of her first real dive into the ocean. </p><p>Then she heard Jungeun follow. She almost wanted to scream at her the moment she saw her. </p><p>She probably would have if Jungeun had opened her mouth. </p><p>Except she just met her eyes once before walking past her. </p><p>It struck her that Jungeun wasn’t ignoring her, but avoiding something else. Maybe the actual blow up? </p><p>They left the town, going long the dirt road. There was farming ground, and Jinsoul could see someone walking among the crops. Were they checking their conditions? It was nearing the end of the year, a bad time for many harvests this side of the world. </p><p>Jungeun was quiet as they walked, two metres off to the side. </p><p>Jinsoul still saw their faces when she looked at her. She saw others too, ones driven mad by the fae, ones whose minds were maimed by spirits. </p><p>“It was easy,” Jinsoul said. “Was it for you as well?”</p><p>“Yeah.” She wasn’t looking at her. </p><p>“Easier?”</p><p>Jungeun only nodded. </p><p>“How does it find some things sooner than others?” Jinsoul asked. “It latched onto my grief, but everything else was dragged up after.” She knew her words sounded harsh. “What was it with you?”</p><p>Jungeun’s steps slowed, but she kept walking. “A lot of things.”</p><p>“No surprise there,” she muttered. Before the last word left her mouth, she knew she’d gone too far. </p><p>But the fire elf didn’t react much. </p><p>And somehow, that made Jinsoul want to push her further. “And why can you handle it better?” she asked. “You have so much more than I do—than most.”</p><p>“A part of it’s practice,” she said slowly. “You get used to it. Eventually.”</p><p>There was something she wasn’t telling her. Jinsoul nearly asked. </p><p>“Pull on your light,” Jungeun told her. “Or hold it in your hand. It’ll make it be over faster. You’ll feel better during it too.”</p><p>“How does that make a difference to what I already have?” Still, Jinsoul summoned some light. It was harder to do that before, but it still came. Her eye warmed and the ice in her arms eased. </p><p>“It’s stagnant otherwise,” she replied. “This way there’s an actual flow to it.”</p><p>“Okay.” She could already feel some of the tension already starting to lessen. </p><p>Jungeun went into the forest, looking around as she did. Then her hair turned blonde again. </p><p>“What’s next?” Jinsoul was glad her voice wasn’t as sharp as before. </p><p>“Hunting,” her left eye turned white, the red crescent prominent, “there’s one nearby too.” A white axe appeared in her hands and her step quickened. </p><p>Jinsoul followed, an eagerness settling into her mind. She wanted to fight. </p><p>And that scared her slightly, but the moment she felt the spirit’s presence, that fear vanished. </p><p>She forced a blade of light into her hands, still not sure what to make of the darkness she’d taken. Instead of simple eagerness, she felt something a lot like bloodlust. </p><p>______</p><p>When Jinsoul had come back, she’d all but fallen onto her bedroll. The darkness had drained her, but much of it had faded. </p><p>Its absence left her exhausted. She wasn’t even sure if Jungeun was going to sleep either. She didn’t care to look. </p><p>As she drifted off, no dream came to her, not even a nightmare. </p><p>When she woke, it was night again. The heaviness of her grief was still there, but so much less than before. She wondered if she’d have to go to Nuala. She both wanted to see more of how the Astra’s healers worked, and she didn’t. </p><p>Jinsoul forced herself to get up, clean her teeth and change into something else. Jungeun, of course, wasn’t there. It didn’t even look as if she’d used her bedroll. </p><p>As Jinsoul got dressed into one of the Astra’s pale linens, she took a proper look at the tent. Some others had a tent in the rounded shape like Jungeun did. She wasn’t sure if they were laid out the same and she didn’t know if she’d ever find out. </p><p>Her eyes caught on the table. On it were several maps. </p><p>Jinsoul went over. There were spells for navigation and if someone was travelling a longer distance, they usually used the earth to travel. You didn’t need to know the route you were taking, only the general location. </p><p>The first was a general map of the world, an older one by the way the paper was cracked in several places and how the ink was faded. </p><p>There were a few markings, along with a messy scrawl of Korean, not <em>crosesh</em>. That was strange as well. </p><p><em>Group four here? </em>She’d circled the bottom part of Africa. </p><p>There were numbers all across different mountain ranges. Were those the number of people Jungeun had sent there? The amount of people she knew of being there? Or just a way of knowing which settlement (or prison) was which? The Warsa were some of the most tightly knit people Jinsoul knew of. They alternated which of their groups would overtake which residents, be they willing or not. Jinsoul knew of only one dispute that’d ended in violence. That’d been in the last three hundred years. </p><p>There were a few other mentions of groups. Jinsoul was sure those meant groups like Sua’s, ones that’d decided to leave the Astra, but still carry out their duties. </p><p>When Jinsoul looked to where her own people had been, she was surprised to find a faint circle around the area. </p><p><em>Full moon</em>. </p><p>That made her pause. The moon had been waning when Jungeun had come. A full moon must’ve been a week before, maybe more. And Jinsoul’s magic had started to change a month before that, around the time of the new moon. </p><p>Then she remembered that Jungeun had had a horse. She hadn’t travelled through the earth, but if she’d left at a full moon, then she probably wouldn’t have gotten to the camp at the right time. </p><p>It didn’t make a lot of sense. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a small surge of irritation, something she shouldn’t have been feeling at all. </p><p>The darkness. She needed to get rid of it. </p><p>She left the tent, finding that the fire was lit, there was a pot there, but no one else was. </p><p>She peered into the pot to see there was some meet and grilled vegetables. It didn’t take much thought to know that’d been left for her. </p><p>Finding the healing tent wasn’t hard. It was the largest, flanked by stone pillars too. It was another reminder that most elves were relatively ridiculous when it came to making their homes. Fairies too. They were more than capable of making houses, but the tents remained. It was one way of saying that the places they’d found weren’t permanent. Some moved around very often, like most emotional fae, partially because they kept separate from the other fairies. In the past, the Astra had moved around, but they’d settled in Korea for the past few centuries. Why they hadn’t bothered with houses yet still was a mystery. </p><p>Then again, many of Jinsoul’s people had still remained in tents as well. Even the ones who’d been there <em>before</em> they’d come. </p><p>“Was this the first time?” Nuala asked, her eyes flickering from Jinsoul’s arms to her face. </p><p>Jinsoul felt slightly self-conscious. She nodded. </p><p>“You should’ve come here immediately,” she sighed, “it just prolongs your discomfort.” She held out her hand. </p><p>She took it. Warmth came over her in a large wave. Nuala’s eyes glowed even brighter. </p><p>“The solution is to put more light in, direct it,” the healer said. “We can’t do that with people not tied to the moon, but among ourselves we can.” She let go. “It takes some time to finesse it, but you’ll be able to learn it.”</p><p>There was an expectance in her voice. </p><p>Jinsoul stiffened at the implication of that. “Does everyone take the time to learn it?” Or was Nuala trying to get her to learn it for another reason? </p><p>Nuala raised an eyebrow. “Only if they go away for a longer time. Otherwise they just come here.”</p><p>“Then I’ll be doing the same.” Even as she said it, it felt like a lie. She wanted to know how to direct the light, but somehow Nuala knowing of that, it made her stomach twist. She didn't want to be made responsible for the Astra too. Not yet. </p><p>The healer simply nodded. Then she turned around towards one of the beds. There weren’t that many and only a quarter were occupied. Four of the Astra there were silently crying. The darkness that clung to them was one of grief, or pain. Jinsoul wondered if that was because they’d been struck badly by spirits. </p><p>The one Nuala was tending to was shivering. “The darkness reached her heart. It takes longer to remove that, but we can do that,” she said softly. “But lots of light is also needed.”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded once. Then she left, knowing full well that was rude. </p><p>She didn’t want to see Nuala’s patience. She didn’t want to know the different effects of the darkness on them. She didn’t want to hear about how to help them either. </p><p>In the back of her mind, she could see her mother’s gaze, the one that told her she was being immature. </p><p>And she probably was. </p><p>Jinsoul found herself looking for familiar faces, but she found none, save for Hyunjin, but she was sitting at a fire, Heejin by her side. Some others she didn’t recognise were with them as well, but it didn’t look like the two were involved with that conversation. </p><p>She looked away, quite sure that wasn’t any of her business. She felt lucky enough already that she didn’t have anyone among her people she’d loved like <em>that</em>. At least not anymore. </p><p>Some people smiled at her, introducing themselves too. She tried her best to be polite and it wasn’t that hard. Not anymore at least. </p><p>But she managed to stop the conversation before it went on for too long. She preferred it that way. </p><p>Jinsoul made for the river instead. </p><p>She spotted a fire between the trees. </p><p>When she looked into the light, she spotted the people she recognised. Including Jungeun. </p><p>She didn’t go in their direction. There was a reason they’d chosen to be at the edges of camp. </p><p>But going to the river did mean she was going closer than she wanted to. </p><p>At first she only heard distant voices. She could’ve heard what they were saying if she strained her ears, but she didn’t want to. </p><p>Jinsoul focused instead on the flow of the river, the speed at which the water flew between the banks making her smile. </p><p>But as she walked closer, she started hearing the conversation. </p><p>Sooyoung was speaking. “Just at Nuala, would you say <em>she’s</em> the ideal?”</p><p>“If we went by that logic, no one is,” Haseul replied. “Especially not you.” </p><p>There was a sound, then a small screech, followed by a chorus of chuckles. </p><p>“But even if she is that great, that doesn’t change what’s happening now,” Sooyoung said. </p><p>Jinsoul felt uneasy. </p><p>“It just means she’s not usually like that.” Jungeun sounded tired. “And the same thing happened here.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean it’s normal.” It was Haseul again. “And if you won’t do it, then just let us talk to her.”</p><p>“No.” A pause. “Don’t even bring it up.” </p><p>“So you’re just going to let her keep treating you like that?” Sooyoung asked. “You want <em>us</em> to let her do that?”</p><p>“Can we not talk about this?” Jungeun didn’t sound annoyed, but it seemed like the step that came before that. Jinsoul knew what that looked like now, slightly narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow. </p><p>“We have to,” she shot back. “You’re letting her walk all over you.” </p><p>A long moment of silence followed. </p><p>“She’s right,” a new voice said. It was Hyejoo. “You’re doing all this for her and she isn’t even seeing it.”</p><p>“And even if she did, she wouldn’t thank you.” That was Chaewon. </p><p>“It’s not something to be thanked for,” Jungeun said. There still wasn’t an edge to her voice. “And it’s not as if she has to trust me,” she continued. “She doesn’t know any of us.” </p><p>“You haven’t done anything to des—“ </p><p>“Don’t start with that,” she snapped. The first time Jinsoul had heard her being even remotely close to angry.</p><p>“Jungeun,” Jiwoo began, "don’t start this again.” </p><p>“Plus,” Chaewon piped in, “all you’ve done is help her.” </p><p>Jinsoul heard Jungeun stand and immediately crouched down by a tree. She was supposed to have been way out of earshot. That was also probably why they'd come out here to eat. </p><p>She heard her sigh, but that was it. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly laughed at herself. Was she expecting Jungeun to mutter her thoughts under her breath? </p><p>She just heard her steps, somewhat heavy, as she left. </p><p>Jinsoul peeked into the light to see she was walking deeper into the forest. The shadow around her wasn’t anger. It was shame. </p><p>“I’m telling her,” Sooyoung suddenly said. </p><p>“No.” Jiwoo sounded defensive. </p><p>“Most of us have killed more people than the murderers in those prisons,” she replied. “She doesn’t get to treat Jungeun like she’s one of them.”</p><p>“We should stop talking about this.” Her bubbly counterpart sounded the most serious than Jinsoul had ever heard her. “She might be awake soon. Or Jungeun.” </p><p>“Let her hear it,” Hyejoo grumbled. “Jungeun’ll never say it to her face.” </p><p>They were all quiet after that. </p><p>Jinsoul took that as her opportunity to keep walking to the river. She even cast an illusion over her footsteps to keep them from being heard. </p><p>To her face, they were all being kind. Genuinely kind too. She didn’t think they were putting up a front, but they still very clearly cared about Jungeun. They did know about what she’d done and they still cared. They even got defensive about it. </p><p>Was that even justified? The thought of defending a killing spree made bile rise up in her throat. </p><p>She reached the river and sat down. She still felt heavy. </p><p>The current leaned onto the river banks, making a pattering sound as it collided with the rocks, taking some with it. </p><p>Jinsoul pulled the river closer, feeling the mass of water move towards her. Her hands sank into the water. It was freezing, but she welcomed those temperatures. She also adapted fast.</p><p>And now, just feeling the force of the river travelling over her hands, it felt good. </p><p>“Wow.” </p><p>She nearly dropped the river, but managed not to. </p><p>Jiwoo was gaping at her. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back. When she’d first started mastering her magic, lifting a part of the river out of the ground did look amazing. Now it was just fun for her. </p><p>“Hi,” Jinsoul said, trying to put on a smile. </p><p>“I know you were listening.” </p><p>“Oh.” She eased the water back down into the banks. “Sorry.” </p><p>Jiwoo shook her head. “Like Hyejoo said, it’s good you heard.” </p><p>“How did you know?” </p><p>For a moment, there was a waver in her gentle smile. “Unlike the rest, I was looking for any potential eavesdroppers.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. The weight in her was heavier. </p><p>“I’m not trying to say you’re wrong,” Jiwoo began. </p><p>“But you think I am.” </p><p>She just nodded, a sheepish smile on her face. “She might not be a born Astra, but she’s one of my closest friends.” </p><p>They were diving headfirst into the subject, so Jinsoul didn’t hesitate to say what she wanted. “How?” It was harsh. She knew that, but Jiwoo had come to her. </p><p>Jiwoo’s smile turned gentle. “That’s a very long story.” </p><p>“Then tell me why.” </p><p>She sat there for a long moment, thoughtful, but not at a loss. </p><p>“She’s one of the bravest people I’ve ever met,” Jiwoo said. “You’d be surprised how many people scatter when they see two werewolves coming their way.” Before Jinsoul could say anything, she added, “she didn’t burn them, if you were going to counter that.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t say anything. She probably would have tried to argue.</p><p>“And not a lot of people bother to treat the mortals with respect.”</p><p>Jinsoul had seen that. “But why is she <em>your</em> friend?” </p><p>Jiwoo seemed to take a moment to think about it. </p><p>When she spoke, it was with a soft smile. “Even when she didn’t trust us, she went on patrols, completely ready to learn what she could do on them.” A pause. “I didn’t know why she was so excited for it, but it wasn’t something I’d expected. Not a lot of people actually <em>like</em> patrols, especially if it involves humans.”</p><p>“That’s most of them.”</p><p>Jiwoo nodded. “I never expected someone like her, stories and all, to be the first person to go on patrol, not caring who it’s with.” Her eyes turned a bit sad. “It reminded a few of us that what we were doing was important. You start forgetting,” she sighed, “you know, when it’s all you end up doing.” </p><p>Jinsoul did know. She’d spent so many years just focused on healing. Faces blurred together and the only time she remembered them was when she’d failed. </p><p>“I’m not going to tell you about the times we saved her life, or she saved ours, but they happened.” Jiwoo shrugged. “Saving a life doesn’t exactly mean you deserve to be trusted,” then she looked at her, “but taking them doesn’t mean you should be condemned either. At least not forever.” </p><p>“But time passing doesn’t mean they should be forgiven,” Jinsoul said. “Just because she’s a friend, doesn’t mean she didn’t kill those people.” </p><p>“I know,” she said. “We all do.” She held her gaze. “And it’s not about forgiving her.”</p><p>“So you just accept it?” Jinsoul asked, feeling her chest twist. “And you’re here to tell me I have to? Just accept that what she’s done is <em>unforgivable</em> and move on?” She noticed how the water was curving towards her more. She pushed it back. </p><p>Jiwoo was eying it. “I don’t think I’m even asking you for that. At first, maybe,” she said. “But I know this’s something you’ve been involved with more than we have.” </p><p>She scoffed. “Involved?” she asked. “That’s not even the main reason. You can’t tell me that if she’d fought against you, if she’d taken people from you, or traumatised them with her magic, that you wouldn’t have fought back.” </p><p>Silence. </p><p>“If you respect her, if she’s a friend to you, to the rest of you,” Jinsoul said, "that’s not the problem. My problem is you telling me I have to see everything you do, that I have to understand someone I’d hate in any other world.” </p><p>“You don’t have to,” Jiwoo replied. “We just want you to try.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t reply. If she said the exact thoughts she was having, she’d probably make things a lot worse. </p><p>But she couldn’t agree either. Not when it wouldn’t be true. </p><p>Jiwoo just nodded, as if she knew that as well. </p><p>______</p><p>They were on their way back from another patrol. It'd been relatively uneventful. Jungeun had taken the darkness from the elder farmer, muttering something about it being her turn. Jinsoul had let her.</p><p>She hadn't been able to stop thinking over Jiwoo's words. They'd followed her over the days that'd past. She wanted to know how it'd been when Jungeun had come. The Astra had probably all had their reservations, but they'd moved on from them. There had to be some more specific reasons. </p><p>But Jinsoul still couldn't believe that those reasons were justified. How could they be? </p><p>She hadn't spoken much this time. Jungeun was also surprisingly perceptive when she wanted silence, so the fire elf had also refrained from filling the quiet. A few times, Jinsoul had found herself wishing she'd just asked a question, just so she could talk. </p><p>And then all of a sudden, Jungeun stiffened. </p><p>Jinsoul stopped walking. “What?” </p><p>She was listening, her expression lacking the warmth of before. It was similar to what she wore when fighting. </p><p>“Someone’s following us.” Jungeun’s voice was barely a whisper. “If you don’t want to be a part of this, go.” Her eyes were already glowing, as though the fire needed to go to them before reaching her hands. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” </p><p>“They’re after me,” she replied, turning around. </p><p>“And you’re going to go to them?” Was this where she’d finally see the person she’d always heard about? </p><p>“I’m not turning this into a chase.” Jungeun met her eyes. In them varying shades of red whirled around, fighting for which would dominate. “They follow, they’ll find the camp.” Then her eyes narrowed. </p><p>There was a flash of light. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a warm hand grab her arm, yanking her back. In the next moment, the air tasted like metal. A sharp sound broke the silence. </p><p>And a burning pain struck her foot. </p><p>Two people screamed. Jinsoul was one, Jungeun the other. </p><p>The scent of something burning reached her nose. </p><p>A white wall suddenly appeared in front of her. </p><p>She saw Jungeun scrambling to her feet. A long, jagged gash had been drawn along her arm. The skin around it wasn't burned. </p><p>“Go,” Jungeun threw over her shoulder, “they’re just here for me.” Then she disappeared around the wall of moonlight. </p><p>Something lit up the forest. The next sharp crack. A tree several metres away exploded. </p><p>There was a sound that almost sounded like the air tearing apart. An orange glow flashed once. Then it remained. </p><p>Jinsoul got to her feet, only to see that her shoe had been burned off, the skin below bright red. </p><p>The sounds were still there, ones of lightning and fire warring. </p><p>She wanted to leave the spot from where she stood, but something held her back. </p><p>Still, she forced herself to look past the wall of moonlight. Being nearer to it cleared her head. </p><p>She saw Jungeun wreathed in fire, moving faster than she’d ever seen her, evading the sparks sent her way. In one hand she held that axe of hers, in the other a shield of light. She was using it to block the lightning. </p><p>Jinsoul saw their attacker next. She was moving slower, but erratically, the lightning leaving her hands in short bursts, but sometimes longer streams too. When she caught a glimpse of the person's eyes, they were wide with desperation. </p><p>The pair were surrounded by fire and deep gouges in the earth. </p><p>Jinsoul remembered what Sua had told her then. People came after Jungeun, trying to get revenge for what she’d done. Some were killed. Jinsoul still didn’t know what happened to the others. </p><p>And she didn’t know what she was supposed to do now. She barely had any water with her, save for what was in the waterskins. It’d be enough for a fight, but not enough for what was happening in front of her. She fought when she had the advantage. </p><p>Here there was no such thing. </p><p>She watched as Jungeun sent a column of flames. A spout of lightning returned, but some of the fire passed through. </p><p>The attacker cried out. Sharp white tendrils exploded from her. </p><p>Jinsoul whipped behind the moonlight again, the hairs on her neck rising with the static. </p><p>She heard the moonlight crack, but it still held. </p><p>The sound of a blow being landed came then, along with a sharp grunt. </p><p>Jinsoul looked, only to see Jungeun swing her arm, hitting the lightning-wielder in the chest. She flew back, landing on the ground. She struggled to get up. </p><p>“Why’re you here?” Jungeun didn’t look like she was in pain, despite the multiple tears in her clothes that revealed several gashes. Her white clothes were either burnt or soaking in red. She walked closer, the moonlight on her arm held in front of her, as if she was ready for the next onslaught of sparks. </p><p>“You,” the woman began, “killed,” she coughed. </p><p>Jungeun lowered her arm. “You’re from the Crosa in the West. The empire.”</p><p>A sharp hiss left the elf as she pushed herself to her feet. She launched herself at Jungeun, sparks travelling along her arms. </p><p>Jungeun grabbed her wrists, keeping them away from her throat. There was the faint sound of crackling. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun grimaced, before throwing the other elf to the ground. </p><p>And then a small flash of light came. Jungeun leaned to the side only for the bolt to strike her shoulder. She stumbled, a gasp leaving her. </p><p>Jinsoul realised that something was off. Jungeun could’ve dodged that. She could’ve stopped the elf from getting up in the first place. She was more than capable than that. </p><p>“You killed our people,” she gasped, “one person against seven. You <em>humiliated</em> us.” She coughed again. “And then the Astra come to negotiate trade. It just took them <em>ten years</em>.” </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun’s expression lost whatever harshness it’d had. “Do they know you’re here?” </p><p>The elf had managed to sit up. She spat out a clump of blood and spit. Tears were drifting down her face. Across her leg and one of her arms were burns. </p><p>“Of course they don’t,” she sneered, “it’s suicide to go after you.” </p><p><em>Not always</em>, Jinsoul thought. She didn’t think Sua would lie about people being spared. Clearly, that information hadn’t been spread among others. </p><p>“I’m not going to kill you,” Jungeun said. </p><p>The elf gaped at her. Then her face contorted with anger. A trail of lightning erupted across her skin. It went straight for Jungeun who held the shield of light in front of her heart. The lightning still hit her. She flew backwards. When she landed, a high cry left her. The right side of her chest was smoking. </p><p>The elf got to her feet. Her hands were shaking, but sparks still traveled across her fingers. Yet Jinsoul could see the hesitance in her stance. </p><p>Then she screamed, collapsing to the ground. In her knee was a long strip of moonlight. An arrow. The next one hit her shoulder. She yelled out. </p><p>“Stop,” Jinsoul shouted in the direction it’d come from. </p><p>There were the sounds of quick steps. </p><p>Jiwoo appeared first, then Chaewon with a bow in her hands. Immediately, Jiwoo went to the fallen elf as the moonlit arrows gradually disappeared. Her eyes were drooping, as if the energy had left her. Then Jiwoo poured a vial of something in her mouth. </p><p>“Eline told us to come after you,” Sooyoung said. She was frowning at the elf. Her eyes widened when she saw Jungeun. </p><p>“She’s okay.” Hyejoo was at the fire elf’s side. “Might be in shock.” </p><p>Jiwoo shot her a look. “Not the time.”</p><p>The elf had fallen asleep, breath low and easy, despite the burns along her arms and legs. </p><p>“Well she’s right,” Jungeun said, her voice strained. “Help me up.” </p><p>“Jungeun,” Hyejoo started. </p><p>“The worst thing wrong is a few broken ribs,” she shot back. “I’m fine.” </p><p>Hyejoo pulled her up. </p><p>“So Eline knows she’s here?” Jungeun asked. She was leaning forward, a hand gingerly on her chest. It wasn't just broken ribs. The muscles holding them had also been hurt. Badly. </p><p>Jiwoo nodded, her jaw clenched. </p><p>“So what now?” Sooyoung asked, gaze hard as she looked to the elf. “Is this an assassin?”</p><p>“No.” Jungeun walked over, a hand over her chest. She twitched every now and then, but she seemed unaffected, despite having countless cuts and segments of reddened skin, in some places black. “They wanted to storm one of the mountains bordering the mortal empire.” </p><p>“Free one of their people?” Jiwoo asked. Hyejoo had moved to her side, opening the pack she’d been carried. There were several vials and a few cloths. A healing kit, but it looked rushed in how it’d been put together. </p><p>“More than one.” Jungeun nodded. “We couldn’t risk them getting out, so we intercepted.” </p><p><em>One person against seven. </em>Did that mean it’d only been Jungeun sent out? Or that she’d sought them out herself? </p><p>“It wasn’t something everyone’d known about on their side, but ours did. And after they’d managed to break in, so did the Warsa there.” </p><p>Sooyoung was still glaring at the elf. “So we’re putting her in the dirt?” </p><p>“You’re not killing her,” Jinsoul walked over, “and you have to clean the wounds first.” She pointed at Jiwoo’s waterskin. </p><p>“We’re not killing her,” Sooyoung threw back. “Why would Jiwoo have a healing kit if we were killing her?” </p><p>Jinsoul didn't answer. Instead, she focused instead on the elf. She uncapped her own waterskin, placing it along the wounds from the arrows, as well as the burns. There were thin coats. </p><p>“Here.” Jiwoo held out hers. </p><p>Jinsoul took that, as well as that of Chaewon. </p><p>“Why’d you use fire two arrows?” Jinsoul asked her. </p><p>“First one is the shock,” Chaewon said. “Second is for the effect of my light.” She held out a small clump. “It subdues people.”</p><p>Jinsoul gingerly pinched it. Calm came over her, but it felt heavy. She dropped it. </p><p>“Still overkill,” she muttered. “You know the healing runes?” </p><p>Chaewon nodded. </p><p>“Then start drawing.” </p><p>She did. </p><p>Jinsoul started the same by the ground beside her leg, knowing full well that the rest were watching her work. </p><p>“Here,” Jiwoo had gotten to her feet, “drink this.”</p><p>Jinsoul peeked up to see Jungeun squinting at it. </p><p>“It’s not going to make you fall asleep,” Jiwoo muttered, pressing it into her hands. </p><p>Jungeun drank it. She coughed. “But she’s going back. Don't let them interrogate her, just send her to the Roman Crosa, or close to it.” She leaned back. “I need to see Yeri, check if there’s anyone else coming.” </p><p>Jinsoul saw their expressions change. Chaewon and Hyejoo disappointed, while Sooyoung just sighed. </p><p>“And if no one is?” Jiwoo asked. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything, she just shook her head. Her eyes held a message Jinsoul couldn’t understand. It looked like Jiwoo did. Her shoulders drooped. </p><p>Jinsoul quickly wrapped the wounds. “How long until you send her back?”</p><p>“The seers’ll want to see if she’ll be a threat,” Sooyoung said, looking irritated. “So a couple hours most.” </p><p>“If she doesn’t stop bleeding,” Jinsoul got to her feet, “try for another rune, but she’d still be fine until you send her off.”</p><p>Jungeun was watching her, her expression unreadable. </p><p>“Chae and I could go to Yeri,” Hyejoo said. “You two could go back.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I’ve got it.” </p><p>Jinsoul could feel the rest preparing to argue. </p><p>“I’ll go with you,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>There was a stunned few seconds. Including Jungeun. </p><p>“Okay,” Sooyoung suddenly nodded, going to Jiwoo’s side, “we’ll take her.”</p><p>And all of a sudden, the matter seemed to have been solved. Hyejoo and Chaewon held the elf between them, while Sooyoung and Jiwoo started walking in the direction of the camp. Both of them sent Jungeun looks, questions in their eyes. They then looked away, the fight going out of them. </p><p>Jungeun was already walking in the opposite direction. She was hunched over, holding her chest, but her steps never faltered. </p><p>Jinsoul joined her. </p><p>The fire elf said nothing. She didn't even let any of the pain she was feeling show in her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to tell her that pushing through the pain wasn't how you did this, that they needed to take a break and she'd heal her, but she didn't. </p><p>Jungeun didn't speak at all as she walked. </p><p>So Jinsoul didn't either. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jungeun's first narrated chapter might be a tad underwhelming, though I did really want to show a bit more from her perspective. It won't be that frequent, because Jinsoul is the main perspective here. However, I do want to write from Jungeun's pov every now and then. </p><p>As for what's going on, something is shifting, but the way forward is still slow-going. It's been difficult to write, because I know how they end up, but it's also been a really interesting dynamic for me. I hope it's something you enjoy reading as well. </p><p>A lot has been happening in the world, on top of our current circumstances too. At this point, I've been wishing for a period of time that's largely uneventful, but we'll see. Until next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jungeun continued to be quiet on the way back. Small hitches in her breath came every now and then, but she didn’t ever wince. </p><p>Jinsoul had seen a fair amount of people who could put on that same expression, seemingly unbothered. It was either because they had an image to uphold or didn’t want to make people seem more concerned than normal. </p><p>“You should be getting back to camp.” Jinsoul felt odd breaking the silence. </p><p>“Yeri first,” Jungeun said curtly. “Then I’ll go back.” She paused. “You should go back.”</p><p>She nearly called her an idiot then and there. Someone had come after her, what if another came? Or if a vampire picked up on her scent, fully taking advantage of her weakness. </p><p>“You’re going to ask about what happened?” She nodded behind them. </p><p>“That and if anyone else’s looking for me.”</p><p>It reminded her of Sooyoung and the others. “Why don’t you use a different name?” Of all people, Jungeun should’ve had one. </p><p>“Didn’t in the beginning,” she muttered. “So it doesn’t make a lot of sense now.” Her eyes were abnormally bright. Still made vibrant from her magic. </p><p>That wasn’t the real answer. Jinsoul hadn’t expected to catch a lie, but she didn’t think she should’ve questioned it. </p><p>“Jungeun,” she started. </p><p>“Just get to the point,” Jungeun snapped. “Ask me what you want and don’t dance around the subject.”</p><p>Jinsoul looked at her, not seeing irritation, but desperation instead. </p><p>Her eyes softened. “Sorry,” she muttered. “But if there’s something you want to know, just ask me.” She looked away. </p><p>Jinsoul could feel the tears building in Jungeun’s eyes. They weren’t appearing in them. </p><p>“Why did you let her live?”</p><p>“I wasn’t letting her live,” she shook her head,” I–, I–“ She grit her teeth. “I didn’t fight her so one of us would die. Maybe,” her hand lifted to her arm, “maybe the right thing would be to let them do what they want, but I don’t have a death wish.”</p><p>“And if they overpower you?” </p><p>“Then they get what they want.” Jungeun snorted slightly. Then she winced. “I don’t do all this thinking I’ll win. That’d really get me killed.” She met Jinsoul’s eyes. </p><p>The look there made her pause. The way she spoke made it seem as if she didn’t care what happened. At the same time, she looked disheartened by what she was saying. It was as if she’d accepted this for quite some time, but the thought hadn’t given her much peace. </p><p>And of course it wouldn’t. Not wanting to die, but also being prepared for it, wasn’t how most lived out eternity. </p><p>“So that’s what that was?” Jinsoul frowned. “You were just going to let whatever happened happen?” </p><p>She didn’t say anything. </p><p>“That’s why you don’t hide your name?” </p><p>Jungeun had clenched her jaw. It slowly relaxed. Now she just looked tired. </p><p>“Sometimes they start hunting me immediately, but some get stopped by their people, forced to wait, or not do go after me at all,” she said. “And the journey until they get there, to leaving, that can take years.” She looked at her hands. “The actual path they take, though, that shouldn’t be longer than it has to be.”</p><p>“And when they get to the end of it, they fail.” Jinsoul knew that sounded terrible, but she needed to make some sort of sense of this. Especially now that it was becoming very clear just how much thought Jungeun actually put into this. </p><p>“I know,” Jungeun glanced her way, “but again, I’m not looking to die. Maybe you think that’s one of the worser things I’ve done and it probably is.” She sighed. “And some come back, maybe with more people, or they just stop. Maybe they give up, or maybe they end up moving on, I don’t know.”</p><p>“But killing them doesn’t let any of that happen?”</p><p>Jungeun put a hand to her forehead, before running it through her hair. Dried blood clung to the ends of several strands. “No.”</p><p>They kept walking. Jinsoul could still hear the sharp intakes of breath with certain steps. Some of the cuts hadn’t clotted yet. Jungeun’s clothes were soaked with blood, a lot of it having dried. She didn’t seem to care. </p><p>“You do know those could get infected, right?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “There’re salves and spells if that happened.”</p><p>“Doesn’t mean you have to wait until it gets worse.”</p><p>“I’ll buy one off of Yeri.”</p><p>Jinsoul nearly offered to clean the wounds. They were close enough to the river for that. She’d already wrapped her foot in a thin film of ice. It was cold, very cold, but it’d keep it from getting worse. It’d already stopped hurting as much. </p><p>But the offer didn’t reach her lips. </p><p>And Jungeun kept her gaze turned forward. She didn’t look like she was in as much pain as before. It made Jinsoul wonder just how used to pain Jungeun was. She was also very sure that wasn’t a good thing. </p><p>For obvious reasons, Jungeun wasn’t taking the direct route to Yeri’s house. It made for a longer trip, which Jinsoul still thought should’ve been skipped entirely. But even then, being out of sight made more than enough sense given that Jungeun’s clothes had turned red. </p><p>Jinsoul spotted some fires in the distance, but it was otherwise very quiet. The night was usually like that. Just not for the Astra. </p><p>Jungeun was looking around. She was about to keep going. </p><p>“Wait,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>She stopped, her skin glowing ever so slightly. </p><p>Jinsoul debated just telling her she’d heal her when they got to Yuri’s. That’s be something, maybe even a bit of a peace offering. </p><p>She knew it wasn’t enough. Jinsoul still didn’t understand Jungeun and she still wasn’t sure if that was something she actually wanted. </p><p>But the fire elf had admitted a lot, all of it honest. </p><p>“It’s not selfish,” Jinsoul said. “You wanting to live. It’s normal.” After a few seconds, she just added, “even if a lot of people never get into situations like that.”</p><p>Jungeun raised a brow. “Situation is one word for it.”</p><p>She gave her a look. “What I mean is that,” she faltered. How was she supposed to explain that? <em>Was </em>there an explanation? It was supposed to be simple—it wasn’t a bad thing <em>not</em> to have a death wish. </p><p>Jungeun smiled slightly, the look in her eyes a bit brighter than before. “I know what you mean, Jinsoul,” she said. “And—” She broke off as well. “Let’s keep going.” She nodded at her before turning around. </p><p>Jinsoul felt like she’d failed to say what she’d wanted to, but she didn’t know else she could’ve said it. The only other options risked ignoring the fact that someone had come to get revenge for what <em>Jungeun</em> had done. </p><p>______</p><p>Yeri nearly broke down when she saw Jungeun. Jinsoul hadn’t expected there to be any attachment beyond normal joking around. She was missing something there. </p><p>“Calm down;” Jungeun raised bloodied hands, “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Fine?” Yeri went straight to the shelves on the opposite wall. “Fine,” she repeated. “There’s more blood on you than in you.”</p><p>She looked like she was fighting a smile. “First, it looks worse than it is. Second, I’m about four hundred years old and I <em>know</em> this isn’t that bad.” Then she went over to her, gingerly stepping over a rune on the ground. “And I’m not here to get healed. I’d tell if you if I was.”</p><p>Yeri stopped rummaging around. She didn’t look convinced. “Who did it?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter,” Jungeun said. “But can you find out if anyone else has been looking?” </p><p>A frown broke out across her face. “Again?” The expression she wore was very similar to Hyejoo and Chaewon’s earlier. </p><p>Jungeun’s gaze softened. She smiled ever so slightly. “I’ll get you the same as last time. Double.”</p><p>The witch looked like she was going to decline whatever that offer was. Then she looked Jinsoul’s way and just nodded. </p><p>“Just,” Yeri sighed, “sit down.” She looked back to Jinsoul. “You can use whatever you need here.” A pointed nod at Jinsoul’s foot. </p><p>Then she disappeared into another room. Jinsoul heard her walking up stairs. </p><p>Jungeun did sit down. The smile on her face melted away in the next moment. </p><p>Jinsoul realised she didn’t want to see that expression anymore, so she looked to the shelves. </p><p>Yeri was organised, having arranged things by their effect and potency. The labels were neat, but nothing on what was actually in them. </p><p>Closing her eyes, Jinsoul searched the house for water, finding several collections of it. A fair amount was from the river, some was rainwater, and another part had been summoned. Why she needed three different types, Jinsoul didn’t know. </p><p>Jinsoul picked up a vial and placed a drop on her finger. One taste and she saw there was no trace of wolfsbane, but instead wormwood. She put the vial back and kept looking. </p><p>“You’re taking being struck by lightning well.”</p><p>A short chuckle. “It’s not the first time.” Jungeun was staring at the opposite wall. Her hair had been cleared away from her shoulders, revealing a cut that looped around the back of her neck. A lucky hit, even more so that it was only along the surface. “It’s a little like fire, but a lot faster. Hotter too.”</p><p>“And that’s why it’s bearable?” Jinsoul had gotten what she needed. Yeri had an impressive stock of healing creams and draughts. They took a bit of time to make, but were mostly just annoying to brew. She made a mental note to make them for her the next time they had patrol.</p><p>They. It was expected for Jinsoul to go with Jungeun on patrol. As much as she liked Sooyoung and the rest, she felt more than a little strange being alone with that group. It didn’t help that she was pretty sure that they almost were almost definitely starting to dislike her for how she acted towards Jungeun. </p><p>“You could say that,” she shrugged. “I have to focus so it doesn’t burn me. At least not always. Can’t do much against the shock though, or when they have enough force.” She absentmindedly traced her neck. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Focus?” </p><p>Jungeun smiled, but it was slightly strained. “It’s a bit like your water breathing. The capacity to do it is there to survive, but you have to train it. At least if you’re born without resistance.” She looked away from the wall. Confusion flowed into her eyes. “Is that everything you’ll need for your foot?” Guilt joined that confusion. </p><p>“Mine’s healing properly. It’s also been cleaned,” Jinsoul said. “None of yours have been.” </p><p>As she walked over, she paid particular attention to the floor for any jinxes. The last thing she needed was a high-pitched voice or dancing feet. </p><p>Jungeun was already shaking her head. “Like I said,” she waved at the two of them, “immortal. I don’t need that.” </p><p>“You’ll be wishing you’d gotten this once the infection comes.” Jinsoul set the things down on the table. “So don’t be stubborn.” </p><p>She regarded her with flame-filled eyes. Jinsoul could feel the warmth radiating from them. It wasn’t like before, where the air had been too hot. It was like being beside a normal fire. </p><p>“You do know you’re also being stubborn, right?” Jungeun looked at the supples with weary eyes. </p><p>“I’m allowed to be.” Jinsoul took hold of the river water down the hall and brought it over. It wasn’t enchanted or mixed with anything, but it had been boiled, removing all potential impurities. Jinsoul had once struggled with that. </p><p>A glowing white bowl appeared underneath it. Jinsoul let the water flow in. She counted Jungeun summoning it as a small victory. </p><p>“Bit bigger,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>It widened. </p><p>“This’ll feel odd,” she put the water onto Jungeun’s arm and neck, “but it’s how this works.” She attached a portion across her chest, the rest coating everywhere else where there was an injury. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at her arm, unusually focused. </p><p>Jinsoul knelt down and started drawing healing runes onto the ground below her with the rest of the water. </p><p>“It solidifies?” Jungeun asked, sounding stunned. “And it’s not ice?”</p><p>She fought a smile. “It depends. Some people heal just by soaking it into someone’s skin. I could too, but the runes work faster. And the other way takes more energy.” She finished the runes and stood. </p><p>Jungeun stared at the water. In her eyes, Jinsoul swore she saw awe, as if that water were something beyond normal magic. </p><p>“It even takes a lot of the pain away,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>Jinsoul peeled away the water, letting it fall into the basin of moonlight. Then she summoned a second bowl of moonlight. It seemed especially bright to her eyes. Or Jungeun’s light was lacking its usual glow. </p><p>She drew on only the water, watching as dirt, blood, and fragments of cloth were left behind in the bowl. </p><p>“I need to clean your wounds one more time. Then I’ll put the rest on.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded, a distant look in her eyes, as if she still couldn’t believe what she was seeing. </p><p>“Is this the first time you’ve seen a healer work?” Jinsoul started with her arm, letting the water flow over the wound, not too hard to avoid irritating it. As it flowed over her skin, it glittered, reflecting the light from the moonlight in the room. </p><p>She laughed. “Nope, but it’s the first time I’ve seen someone use water like this.”</p><p>Jinsoul caught an odd flicker or emotion in her eyes. “Like this?” She moved on to her leg. “You mean you’ve just seen it used as a weapon.” </p><p>A small nod. </p><p>She wondered if Jungeun had a fear of water. Certain fire wielders could barely face those with ice, but also air. If their breath was stolen, heat could be made, but no fire. It worked the other way too, but usually a lot less stronger. Unless that person was still haunted by the last time they’d encountered fire. </p><p>“Do you miss healing people?” Jungeun wasn’t looking at her. By the hesitance in her voice, she wasn’t expecting a reply. </p><p>“More or less,” Jinsoul admitted. “Helping them, seeing them recover, shrive, it’s always been important.” She started working on cleaning Jungeun’s chest. She couldn’t see too much through the tears in the clothes, but she still avoided looking at anything but the injuries. “You’re lucky it didn’t pierce you’re long,” she muttered. “But the muscles are certainly shot for now.” How she even breathed without crying out was almost supernatural. </p><p>“What about the less part?” Jungeun glanced up. “You don’t have to ans—”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jinsoul said. She cleaned the water again, before putting the water patches on the injuries again. “Like everything it’s tiring after a while.” She’d been called to many camps several times, or they’d come to her. She’d been doing what she wanted, but the work always drained her. Fighting hours for someone’s life, only to realise there’d been no chance of saving them was one of the many heartbreaks she’d had. </p><p>And she didn’t know how much of that Nuala faced. She didn’t know how often she was fighting to keep someone alive. She wasn’t sure if she could handle so much again. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. She met Jinsoul’s eyes then. There wasn’t understanding there, but a lot like it. There was also something that looked a lot like guilt. Jinsoul was sure that’d been there before, but she was only seeing it now. Until now, she’d only seen that guilt and regret with a mask on top of it. She’d seen how Jungeun looked without it. </p><p>“There’s been two others.” Yeri was back. “They’re,” she trailed off. Jinsoul saw her look between them before she continued. “One was from your people,” she smirked, “yearly checkin?” A pause. “The other’s someone I don’t know. They’re in Britain right now.”</p><p>Again, Jungeun only nodded. Jinsoul didn’t know if she knew who that meant or not. </p><p>“That,” Yeri pointed at them,” is incredible.” She was looking at Jungeun’s arm. It was glittering. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. She took out more water from the bowl. It was threaded with light. </p><p>“Do you feel any different?” How had she not seen that before?</p><p>Jungeun also didn’t seem to have noticed. “It doesn’t hurt at all.” Her eyes were wide. “I think you combined the two.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to.” She thought of the many times she’d tried hiding it, as well as the first time she’d ever seen it. It’d scared her. She’d been ashamed too. </p><p>Her expression sobered almost immediately, as if she was admitting to not accepting it. </p><p>“So does that mean it enhances your magic?” Yeri came closer. “Maybe it works the other way round with darkness.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Jinsoul tried to sound just as engaged. She wasn’t sure if she wanted there to be an overlap. It didn’t feel right to her. And it also made her feel something else. It made her think of Nuala, someone everyone went to first, rather than the others still perfecting that part of their magic. </p><p>“Was there anything you needed us to do?” Jungeun asked. “Or—”</p><p>“No.” Yeri gave her a pointed look. There was another message there. </p><p>Jinsoul still didn’t understand, but she was grateful that there wouldn’t be another thing left to do. Something told her that even if hunched over, Jungeun would go after a rogue vampire. She’d probably win too. </p><p>The thought made her pause. Had she really reached the point where she could assume things about Jungeun <em>and</em> be right about it? </p><p>She thought of what she’d kept seeing in Jungeun, especially today. She realised that she did know enough. </p><p>But was that a good thing? </p><p>Jinsoul kept working. Jungeun told Yeri about what happened. She said it like she was describing a simple outing that’d had a slight complication. If Jinsoul hadn’t seen it happen, hadn’t seen the way Jungeun had really felt about the encounter, she would’ve thought the fire elf was completely fine with all of it. </p><p>“So they’ll just send her back?” Yeri asked. She was scowling. “Just like that.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Jungeun also said that with a certain lightness. </p><p>“You know there’re ways to stop them from coming again, right?”</p><p>Her expression hardened. “Which isn’t necessary.”</p><p>“What are those ways?” Jinsoul gave her the paste to put on her chest, before she did the same on her leg. The redness from before had already faded. Had the moonlight-infused water really made that much of a difference? </p><p>“Fairies,” Jungeun muttered. She looked disturbed, even though this conversation must have happened before. </p><p>“Wiping their memories or taking their anger?” Jinsoul asked. Irritation flared at the thought. “Make it easier?”</p><p>“They <em>don’t</em> do that,” Yeri said, still sounding annoyed. </p><p>“Because it’s not supposed to be an easy thing.” Jinsoul tried to keep her voice calm. Yeri didn’t know their kind well enough to know why this was such a problem. “These’re pieces of people’s <em>lives</em>. Taking that away or changing it can’t be done very time there’s some kind of mistake.”</p><p>But even then, Jinsoul wondered how far Jungeun’s resolve went there. She wondered if there could be a point where Jungeun was justified in letting the fairies help. </p><p>And Yeri had mentioned some people trying to come after her again. </p><p>The witch raised a brow. “And what about the mortals? They’re completely harmless for you people. What makes them different to someone who almost killed Jungeun?”</p><p>Jinsoul felt her heart drop. They did meddle with the humans, they let the fae have almost free reign with their minds and emotions. They let that happen a lot. </p><p>Jungeun spoke then. “We’re dealing with their realities,” she said. She’d finished applying the paste. It was a pale blue. “We’ve never had to find something out so massive that our entire worlds changed. They either don’t have magic at all, or it’s unattainable, right?” Her brow furrowed as she looked at Yeri. “That’s what you meant with gods, or beliefs in how life works.”</p><p>Yeri nodded, looking a bit taken aback. </p><p>“Some could handle it, some’d <em>want</em> to know about what their world really is like, but we can’t let that happen.” Jungeun shrugged. “Just like you can’t tell anyone that you can cast spells and mix actual potions.”</p><p>She sniffed. “Way to reduce my craft.”</p><p>The fire elf smiled. It was a fond one. The tension in the room eased soon after. </p><p>They stayed until Jinsoul had bound the wounds. Jungeun had wanted to leave once her leg was wrapped up, but both Jinsoul and Yerim had forced her to sit back down. Twice. </p><p>Yeri had joked that they’d drained her stock. Jinsoul had promised to help her make the next batch, which would probably just involve a lot of gathering. </p><p>The walk from there was slower than before. Jinsoul could feel the effects of the healing. Her foot ached. Jungeun seemed to be losing energy just as quickly. </p><p>They were walking along the river again. Jinsoul felt revitalised just being close to it. After a silent debate of almost a minute, she stepped onto the river and starting walking on top of it. </p><p>When she looked back, she saw Jungeun start to smile. Then she chuckled. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Some mortals believe in someone who walked on water,” Jungeun said. “If they ever saw this, they’d be amazed.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “They’d think I was a trick, maybe worse. Most react poorly to such a thing.”</p><p>“Well,” her smile was still there, “if you came to them glowing and with sparkling eyes, I think they’d call you a goddess.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked back to the river. It’d only been something hypothetical, but the way she’d said it reminded her of earlier. Her face warmed. </p><p>Jungeun coughed once. “Thank you for healing me,” she said, sounding a bit more cautious. “You really, <em>really</em> didn’t have to, but thank you.”</p><p>Jinsoul could hear the Astra already—laughter, talk, and music were waiting in the distance. It was starting to feel familiar. </p><p>“And,” she started. She didn’t continue. </p><p>“And?” Jinsoul stepped off the river. She still kept a metre between them. </p><p>“I won’t tell anyone you can combine the two—water and—you know.” She was looking at her hands. “They already know about you being a healer, but most don’t think it’s as effective as moonlight.”</p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “Really.”</p><p>The corner of her lip tugged up. “Yeah, but I haven’t exactly corrected them.” She looked up. That uncertainty was back. It didn’t quite fit with who Jungeun was otherwise. “I don’t know if you were, or if you even feel this way, and I know it doesn’t matter what I’ll say—”</p><p>“Jungeun,” she said, “just say it.” She still wondered where this self-doubt came from. According to so many of the Astra, Jungeun was probably the best at what she did. Jinsoul believed that now too. </p><p>“Don’t feel like you have some duty to fulfil here. We have a lot of healers and those numbers have gotten the Astra through for a long time.” Jungeun’s voice sounded a bit stronger now. “If you don’t want to fall back into what you were doing before, there’s other things you’d be the perfect for.” She’d held her gaze until that last word. Then she was walking towards the camp, her step a bit quicker. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t remember actually saying anything about becoming a healer again. She also didn’t think she’d been all that critical about it. At least not aloud. </p><p>“Why’re you telling me that?” she asked. “Couldn’t Haseul help me to combine those things too?”</p><p>“She wouldn’t tell anyone,” Jungeun said quietly. </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul said. “But why wouldn’t you?” </p><p>She was looking at the river, not avoiding the question. Just thinking. </p><p>So Jinsoul waited. Still, she had another thing to consider. Jungeun knew of her reluctance to get sucked into the role of a healer, helping people she didn’t yet feel at home with. And now she was telling her, almost with too much understanding, that she could choose <em>not</em> to help. She was reminding Jinsoul that she had that option. </p><p>“The Astra work a little differently,” Jungeun said slowly. “Some people’er gradually relegated to a duty, but most end up choosing it. The seers don’t choose, the elders don’t either, but the rest, like Sooyoung, Haseul or Hyunjin, they can go from guard, to fighting or even healing. Maybe some’re kept to something, and people like Haseul still have their own duties, but they have that freedom.” She was quiet for a few seconds. “I’m mainly on patrol and guard, always in combat if it comes.” She shrugged. “What I mean is you don’t have to get stuck on one thing again. Well, not stuck,” she grimaced, “but—I mean,” she sighed. Her ears were red again. </p><p>“I know what you mean.” </p><p>Jungeun looked relieved. </p><p>As they walked, Jinsoul realised something else. Jungeun had had a very clearly defined role among her people. Everyone who’d heard of her had as well. She’d excelled in it too. </p><p>Then she’d come to the Astra and stayed in that place as well, but with a few other duties. </p><p>Somewhere along that, the guilt had probably set in. Whatever had led to the way Jungeun was now didn’t match her role before, nor really the one she had now. </p><p>And now, she wanted to make sure Jinsoul knew she could leave her own behind. </p><p>______</p><p>“Where’s Jungeun?” Jinsoul asked. She didn’t want to seem too attached, but unless it was because of patrol or guard, the red-eyed girl had always been there for meals. She’d even been there yesterday, bowed over her bowl of food, but there. </p><p>Haseul looked up and smiled slightly. “Sleeping.” </p><p>“Now? Isn’t this like the day for—I mean, it’s not that late?” She spotted Jiwoo and Chaewon sharing a look. </p><p>“She’s getting back to normal,” Hyejoo muttered. </p><p>“Meaning her schedule,” Chaewon added. “That’ll take about a week, I’d say.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. Jungeun hadn’t been sleeping for a different reason, hadn’t she? And she wasn’t a born Astra, so it was natural to be awake during the day for her. </p><p>Haseul seemed to pick up on her confusion. “She’s been here long enough to become nocturnal,” she said. “You’ll be getting there soon enough as well.”</p><p>They weren’t talking about what had actually happened. Jinsoul had thought Jungeun wasn’t sleeping because of her dreams. Why had Jungeun’s sleep schedule been disrupted in the first place? </p><p>“But why’s she just starting to sleep early now?” </p><p>Silence. The others were looking at each other. Were they silently debating whether or not to tell her? </p><p>“Is this supposed to be a secret?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“No,” Haseul replied. “But it’s not exactly something you can explain out of the blue.” </p><p>“And she wouldn’t be telling it to you like we would,” Jiwoo added. </p><p>Jinsoul felt herself getting impatient. They were dancing around this. “Just say it.”</p><p>“She spent about two weeks getting back to being diurnal,” Haseul explained. She didn’t wait for Jinsoul to ask why. “Didn’t want you to be awake when no one else was.”</p><p>“But she never talked to me much during the day.” Only when Jinsoul hadn’t immediately left the camp. Otherwise, Jungeun had been going off to towns or other villages. Sometimes she’d even just done some hunting herself. Apparently, it was for the camps, but just this small group could eat three day’s worth of food in a single night. “I thought she was awake because of her dreams.”</p><p>“They come and go,” Haseul shrugged, “but she’d be completely sleep deprived if she followed that.” </p><p>The words hung in the air. Jiwoo and Sooyoung had started talking about their next hunt. Chaewon and Hyejoo were teasing each other about something—it might’ve been Chaewon’s cooking? And Haseul wasn’t adding anything else. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a weird feeling stewing in her stomach. It wasn’t guilt, but something close to it. </p><p>Jungeun had come to the sea during the day. She’d made sure her sleep schedule was something that fit Jinsoul’s. </p><p>Then she remembered what Yeri had given Jungeun on that first visit. She remembered the vials she’d spotted in the tent. Had they been potions to keep her awake? </p><p>There was a pit in her stomach now. She hadn’t noticed any of that before. Should she have? </p><p>“I miss fresh fruit,” Jiwoo groaned. She tossed a wrinkled berry into her mouth and grimaced. </p><p>“Jungeun’ll bring some when she’s back,” Hyejoo said. She was also looking at her dessert with distaste. There were a few fruits in the creamy mixture, as well as berries, but they didn’t look as fresh. Either they’d had a stockpile of fruit, or some sort of magic had been used for it. </p><p>Then Jinsoul registered what she’d actually said. “When she’s back?” </p><p>Chaewon lightly swatted Hyejoo’s arm. </p><p>“Another ‘secret’?” Jinsoul raised a brow. </p><p>Sooyoung shrugged. “She didn’t tell you yet, so I guess.” </p><p>Jiwoo shot her a look. “Or she forgot,” she said. “You can do that when you’re exhausted.”</p><p>The burgundy-eyed girl softened, looking a bit apologetic too. </p><p>“Jungeun always leaves when this happens,” Jiwoo said, looking at Jinsoul now. “Usually just for a few months.”</p><p>It began to fall into place. The strange expressions on their faces after the attack. Then Yeri’s look of disappointment. They didn’t agree with what she did, but they’d accept it. </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>“It’s just how she deals with it,” Chaewon replied, a pointed look in Sooyoung’s direction. Why, Jinsoul also didn’t know. “Needs time to herself, and she needs it away from here.”</p><p>“Isn’t that dangerous?” And if she always did that, wasn’t there the risk that people just took those opportunities to get her alone? Far away from any healers as well. </p><p>“It’s always a risk,” Haseul grimaced, “but patrols are risks too. Same for anything else she’d do away from here.” </p><p>
  <em>And if they overpower you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then they get what they want.</em>
</p><p>The more Jinsoul learned, the more uneasy she felt. </p><p>“I know we didn’t say this sooner,” Jiwoo broke the silence that’d fallen, “but thank you.”</p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t even hide her surprise. “For?”</p><p>She smiled then. “Healing her properly,” she said. “Nuala’s always complaining that we don’t go to her soon enough.”</p><p>“And why don’t you?” </p><p>“They’re stubborn,” Hyejoo said. </p><p>Chaewon elbowed her. “You spent a whole night with a broken arm. She nearly had to break it again to get it straight.”</p><p>Hyejoo didn’t defend herself, but she smiled sheepishly. </p><p>“But while she’s gone,” Jiwoo leaned forward, “you can come with us. Or Haseul, or someone else.” A bit of that insecurity came up. It reminded Jinsoul of Jungeun. </p><p>“Or you can do both,” Haseul added. “Whatever you want.” Her expression was kind, less distant than before. </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. “Both’ll be fine.” </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun slipped the bag over her shoulders. </p><p>“You’re leaving?” It was Jinsoul. </p><p>She nodded. “Need to see the mountains first. Then find one of the wandering bands of Astra.” And hopefully she’d manage all of that without killing someone. </p><p>“I thought you weren’t supposed to travel on your own.” Jinsoul frowned. </p><p>“That’s for the people vulnerable during the day or night,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>Her brow rose. “And you’re not?” </p><p>“Not anymore.” She walked to the exit. </p><p>“Jungeun.” </p><p>She turned. </p><p>Jinsoul’s brow had arched upwards. It was different to the usual frown that was sent Jungeun’s way. “Why’re you actually going?” </p><p>The way she said it wasn’t as pointed as the question. By the way there was still a bit of hesitation, it looked like Jungeun could’ve not answered and it’d have been fine. </p><p>Why that made it easier to tell her, Jungeun didn’t know. </p><p>“This’s how I clear my head,” she told her. “I’ve always done this after—well, when I need it.” Telling her about the exact reasons wasn’t what she’d be doing any time soon. </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. “Just,” she trailed off. </p><p>Jungeun waited, another knot forming in her throat. The cautiousness she’d always felt around Jinsoul had lessened, but the nerves hadn’t. She wondered if the weeks she spent away would change anything about that. She’d debated going for longer, like she always did, but she wouldn’t do that. </p><p>“Be careful.” </p><p>“You too.” Jungeun walked out of the tent, feeling both relieved and disappointed. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't think it's too soon to say there've been some positive developments here. It's been really fun for me to work through these two in this story, compared to what they are later. </p><p>However, I'm planning on being a little more flexible when it comes to the 'timeline' of this story. Until now, most of what's been happening has been in a relatively short time. I don't yet know how far the time skips will go, but they'll be coming. This story is about the development of their relationship, not quite with a plot separate to that, so I hope you won't mind the jumping around. </p><p>It's been two weeks since November began and so much has happened. I won't go into any of that, but I hope you're all doing well or will be soon. </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Different</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Fourteen </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jungeun grinned. “I can almost hit him now.” She was bleeding from her forehead, but that's the only injury she'd had.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her father had been training her. An hour-long session each morning and evening, right before or after she'd slept. She either tried to land a blow on him, or evade each one aimed at her. She was good at dodging, terrible at getting within a metre of him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her mother ran a hand through her hair. “Pretty soon you’ll be able to take him,” Leah said. “But first you’ve got a round with Reyna and Pollux.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded, flexing her fingers. She made rounds within the camp, fighting each person her age and older—at least anyone who'd agreed to it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Deep breath,” Leah told her. “Just keep focused on this.” She tapped the wooden poles. “And then you won’t use the other weapon.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun gripped them tighter. She'd spent the first years just learning how to not burn herself when wielding it. Only after at least two sessions was she allowed to train her actual magic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She headed to the next ring. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Nice job over there,” Reyna smiled, “feel up to this?” She had a club. She was just a few years older than her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’ll see.” Pollux smirked. He twirled a wooden sword in his hand. A waterskin hung at his waist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun was shorter than both. She was younger too, just a few years past her first decade. She was very much at a disadvantage. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun didn’t reply. She instead focused on the weapons. She couldn’t use her magic for this one. She hadn't been able to fight anyone with fire. Not yet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pollux struck first, the air around him propelling him forward. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun dodged and whacked him with the right pole. He hissed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reyna came next, her club slamming into her arm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun dropped the pole she held in that hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She dodged the next blow and aimed for her side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A rib cracked when she got her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun felt the air in her lungs start to leave. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She grit her teeth and ran for Pollux, planting her feet firmly in the ground as the wind tried to knock her away. She stumbled once, but managed to tackle Pollux to the ground. She held the pole to his neck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dead,” she muttered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun rolled away then, narrowly avoiding the club sailing over her head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t get up immediately. Instead she scrambled across the floor, pushing herself into a crouch, before sweeping the pole across the ground, pushing into the back of her knees. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reyna crashed down in the next moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gotcha.” Jungeun pressed the pole to her throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then the air left her lungs completely. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun gasped, but pulling any air in hurt. She coughed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If the opponent has any life left in them." That voice had already chastised her this morning. “They’ll use it to kill you.” Her father appeared. “Get up.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun grit her teeth, her lungs aching for air. She forced her hands to push herself up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A blow to her back, knocking her back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun rolled away, lungs screaming now. She got to her feet, dodged the next strike aimed for her head. Then she held her baton to Pollux’s throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The air went back into her lungs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her father threw the club her way. It curved in an arc. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun grabbed it from the air, feeling three of her fingers give way as she did. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She dodged the earth sent at her head, but missed the way the ground rippled beneath her. It wrapped around her ankle, nearly twisting it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She landed on the ground, but scrambled up in the next moment. Then a staff of dirt struck her head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun pushed herself up again, scrambling away from the next strike. She shoved to her feet, staying low enough, before aiming the next strike at his knee. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A wall of earth rose up, shattered her pole. It collided into her in the next moment. She wasn’t sure what broke first, her shoulder or her ribs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” her father said. “Won the first part, lost the second one.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun nodded, pushing herself off the ground, groaning as her body protested. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Reyna and Pollux were looking at her. One of them seemed vaguely amused, but still concerned. Reyna looked worried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Round two,” Jungeun told them. She got the other pole, meeting her father’s eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll leave you to it,” he said with a small nod. Then he walked off to the rest watching. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun had stopped feeling embarrassed about failing. It was just a sign that she had to do better. The others just had to stop treating it like an exception. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We don’t have to—“ Reyna started. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Come on,” Jungeun raised a brow at Pollux, “this’s the only time you’ve got a chance with me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then they started again. Jungeun won. </em>
</p><p>______</p><p>The patrols with the others were fine, fun even. Jinsoul was able to get to see even more of how they acted with one another, and how they acted towards her without the thought of a particular elf. </p><p>Jinsoul found herself getting along with Sooyoung and Chaewon the most.  The level of annoyance they brought to the night was a necessary change from everything else. She cherished how Jiwoo could bring a smile to anyone’s face just by her own brightness. Hyejoo’s more reserved side made it hard to talk to her, but she opened up with certain topics. And if things were actually lighthearted, which they mostly were, Hyejoo joined in with several remarks towards her friends. </p><p>While it was a large group of friends, Jinsoul couldn’t help but see how there were groups within it. Sooyoung seemed to lead one, while Haseul was with the other. </p><p>The green-eyed elf was clearly a leader as well, but she took it more seriously than Sooyoung did, at least it looked like that. When she wasn’t helping Jinsoul with her magic, she was in discussions, going on some sort of journey to another clan, be they elves, fairies, or even vampires. With every meeting, Haseul came back from them looking exhausted. </p><p>That was hidden once she reached her friends. </p><p>Heejin was also involved in a lot, but she openly admitted when she was tired, especially when Hyunjin was there. It gave her an excuse to nap at her side. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t need to ask what that was all about. </p><p>Heejin was pretty lively, opinionated too, but she never made discussions into an argument. Jinsoul actually liked eating with them to hear what Haseul and Heejin could tell them about what was happening. </p><p>She’d learned then about how Heejin was still learning about the various groups around the world. One night she’d been going through the different Warsa and which mountains had imprisoned which people. Jinsoul had never seen someone have to have <em>lessons</em> about that sort of thing, but the Astra did that. She wondered how much of the information was true. </p><p>Hyunjin was someone she couldn’t read that well. She was both a vital part of the friend group, being the cause of a lot of laughter too. But then she was also distant at other times. Jinsoul had been with her on guard duties and seen how quiet Hyunjin could be. She’d let the silence persist, knowing very well how necessary that could be, even if Jinsoul wanted to fill it. </p><p>And then there was Yeojin, who looked like Haseul, but younger and <em>very</em> different. She wasn’t going to be an elder, but she knew almost as much as Heejin did. She also had a strong moral compass and was stubborn enough for it to almost never change. When it came to certain decisions the elders had reached, be it about a prisoner or another conflict, she’d blatantly say it was wrong and argue with Haseul at length about why. Hyunjin also got involved with those conversations, most of the time defending them. </p><p>Jinsoul had learned then that Haseul seemed to be the most flexible when it came to what she believed. Sooyoung followed, then Hyunjin, Chaewon, and Hyejoo. After that came Heejin and Jiwoo, then Yeojin. </p><p>When she thought about where Jungeun fell there, she still wasn’t sure if she was above Haseul, or closer to Yeojin. What she’d done should've meant her morality had plenty of exceptions within it.</p><p>After meeting her, lots of what Jinsoul had seen made her think the exact opposite. </p><p>She still didn’t know which she was supposed to believe. </p><p>The strangest thing of all was that how different being with the Astrans was without Jungeun. Jinsoul didn’t like how time had made a place for her. She expected to see Jungeun at the fire, or when others came back from patrols or guard. </p><p>She also didn’t like how patrols felt different. There wasn’t supposed to be a difference, but there was. </p><p>And of all the things Jinsoul wanted to be doing on said patrols, confronting a vampire coven wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t large, but it wasn’t small either. And apparently they were a bit on the older side. </p><p>“Don’t you think five is a little small?” Jinsoul asked. “They’re faster, they stronger, they’re—“</p><p>“We’re smarter.” Chaewon leaned into Hyejoo’s side. “And they don’t have our magic or experience." </p><p>She didn’t feel comforted by that. “How often does everyone get away unscathed?” </p><p>“They don’t,” Sooyoung said. “But if they do get close enough, we definitely manage to kill them then.” </p><p><em>Unless they snap your neck</em>, Jinsoul thought. She didn’t say it. Either she’d be deemed even more of a pessimist, or they’d try harder to prove her wrong. </p><p>“And it won’t be five.” Haseul was walking over. She was wearing something that looked like actual armour. Except it was just padded leather. At least it reached over some of her neck. She was carrying a few of the same. </p><p>Heejin and Hyunjin were beside her, also with that leather armour. </p><p>“No,” Sooyoung sighed, “we’re not doing that again.” </p><p>Jinsoul spotted several lines, some smooth, some jagged. They’d been torn apart before, and now sealed again. </p><p>“Yes we are.” Haseul handed Jinsoul one. It was heavy. “Either that or I’m tying a piece of steel around your neck.” </p><p>“That’ll just <em>help</em> them tear my head off.” Sooyoung crossed her arms. “We don’t <em>need</em> it, Seul.” </p><p>Then the shorter girl had dropped the armour. She all but tackled Sooyoung. “Remember this!” Her hands went for her neck. “You couldn’t move your head for <em>weeks</em>!” She shook her slightly. </p><p>Something else happened and Haseul and Sooyoung were both in the ground, wrestling. </p><p>“That,” Sooyoung grunted, “was just a dumb mistake.” She tried to get her in a headlock. </p><p>“You could be saving your life,” Haseul bit back, socking her in the side. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to the others, wondering if this was normal. Hyejoo and Chaewon looked a bit too excited by the fight, while Jiwoo’s eyes were filled with concern, but she was also holding back a smile. </p><p>“Haseul’s getting her way.” Hyunjin was beside her. “They both know she’s right.”</p><p>“Wrong!” Sooyoung muttered. She threw Haseul into the dirt then. The other girl proceeded to actually tackle her. </p><p>“Do they always fight it out?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Used to be worse!” Chaewon said, skipping over to them. “Sooyoung dislocated her shoulder twice, and then Seul actually broke her jaw.” She winked at Jinsoul. “They’re a lot better now.” </p><p>“She’s choking her.” </p><p>Then Sooyoung elbowed Haseul in the chest, knocking her back. </p><p>Someone finally interfered. Jiwoo pulled Sooyoung up, wrapping an arm around her waist. </p><p>“At least cover your neck,” Jiwoo whispered. </p><p>“We’ll just laugh at you a little.” Hyejoo sent her a smile. </p><p>“You’re not helping.” Hyunjin gave her a look. “But yeah,” she winked at Sooyoung, “we’ll laugh.”</p><p>Sooyoung snatched the armour from the ground and tore off the top part. She held it in front of Haseul’s eyes. “I’ll wear it, happy?”</p><p>Haseul nodded. Then she handed two to Chaewon. “You too.”</p><p>Both looked like they were about to protest, but neither did. Jinsoul probably wouldn’t have if that glare was directed at her. </p><p>“It doesn’t stop your movement,” Hyunjin said. “We still don’t use it enough, but if it’s against that many, then we need it.” She patted her own bit of armour. </p><p>Jinsoul looked at it. “I always used ice.” </p><p>“You still can if you want.” Haseul wiped at the blood trickling from her lip.</p><p>“Is there enough water where we’re going?” </p><p>“Take it with you,” Hyejoo said, patting the swords strapped to her waist. “Don’t start learning how to fight vampires, that’ll just make this worse.”</p><p>Jinsoul had also learned that Hyejoo couldn’t control moonlight. She wasn’t the only one, but it was rare. She still fought, while others usually didn't. </p><p>Whenever they went on hunts, Chaewon would cover the blades in moonlight. Hyejoo usually ended up taking down the most spirits too. </p><p>“Question first,” Sooyoung said. She was looking at the piece of leather she’d taken like it was something rotten. “You know we’re attacking, right?” Her gaze was slightly accusatory. “This isn’t a last chance at negotiating.” </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul replied. There was still that edge to Sooyoung#s voice. She understood why it was there too. That made it easier not to take the bait. “And if I didn’t agree with it, I wouldn’t be going with you.”</p><p>She nodded once, before turning to Hyunjin. “We’re taking the leader,” she said, meeting Haseul’s eyes as if they hadn’t just been fighting over a piece of leather. “And it'll be Hye, Chae and Jiwoo pulling the younger ones out.”</p><p>Jinsoul almost asked what that meant. She bit the question back. She could ask on the way. </p><p>“So let’s go.” Sooyoung waved them over to the forest. </p><p>Jinsoul started putting on the armour piece. </p><p>“Let me,” Haseul said, walking behind her. She started to secure the ties. “How often have you mixed up with them?”</p><p>“Enough to know how,” Jinsoul replied. “Not enough to be used to it.” Even though it was just a piece of leather, something a vampire could tear through easily, it was comforting to have something covering her neck. “What exactly are those three doing?” She nodded in Chaewon’s direction. She was discussing something with both Jiwoo and Hyejoo. It sounded like a plan for what was to come. Something about pulling them off to the side? </p><p>“We’re not killing them all.” She finished securing the leather. “They know someone’s coming for them. They’ll have a few more turned as a shield.” </p><p>“How many is a few?” Jinsoul asked. Those vampires would be completely new to the thirst, to the bloodlust that would take them over. They’d try to kill them, but that wasn’t because they were killers. And they’d have been vulnerable to whatever their creators had told them. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Haseul sighed, “the others’ve tried. That’s why we’re even going this far west.”</p><p>“And you think eight people are enough for that?” </p><p>“Chae’s light drains,” Haseul told her. “Most of the time at least. She and Jiwoo’ll mark all the ones with more good in them than evil. They’ll incapacitate them, but if one attacks you, you need to do everything, <em>but</em> kill.”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Since when can you tell that?”</p><p>“You learn with time,” she said. “Don’t look too long, but when we do get there, look out for the biggest differences.” She met her gaze. “This’s what we do if we don’t have a seer."</p><p>"You can't get one to come with?" If the priority was to keep them alive, then having an actual seer would've been the best option, wouldn't it? </p><p>Haseul sighed. "We only get them in battle if they're <em>absolutely</em> convinced they're needed.” She looked frustrated, as if this’d been a problem for a long time. “Jiwoo’s always been able to pick up on that, Chaewon trained to figure out the differences. She’s got a better eye for the darkness too.”</p><p>“But can’t we all see that?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“A little,” Haseul nodded, “but we mostly <em>feel</em> it, and see the overall picture. Some can actually pick out the types.” She shrugged. “I can’t. Vampires and all that have a lot more than most—that’s actually how we all find them, but not all of that means they’re evil.” </p><p>“It’s just the darkness tied to their being,” she finished. “Werewolves probably have that too, don’t they?” She’d only seen new wolves—people who hadn’t been changed long enough to even be able to decide what they’d use that form for. They all had a darkness and the bloodlust to go with it. Except when they changed back. Then they were just mortals, terrified of their minds being lost to the moon—and of hurting the people around them. </p><p>Another nod and a small smile. “So they’ll take those out. We focus on killing the rest.” Her eyes darkened. </p><p>That look meant one thing: the vampires had had their chance to change. They’d lost it now. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul’s stomach lurched. She bit down on the bile that rose up. The sunlight blinded her the moment they surfaced. Wherever they were, it wasn’t winter here.</p><p>Travelling through the earth always meant her world would be flipped upside down. While it took so much less time than walking or running did, she always preferred the long way. Most did too, but if they were going across spans of earth the mortals called countries, or empires, then they needed to. The journeys would take weeks instead of days. </p><p>Jiwoo wretched. As did Heejin. </p><p>Jinsoul wrinkled her nose at the smell. Then she threw up as well. </p><p>“Weak.” Hyejoo snickered. </p><p>Jinsoul looked up to see the girl get to her feet, stumbling as she did. She looked slightly cross-eyed. </p><p>Chaewon caught her, giggling. “What was that?” She looked completely unscathed by the process, except for her eyes being dull. Some people got lucky. Others very unlucky.</p><p>Sooyoung was still lying down, asleep. She’d been the one to use most of her magic for the transport. </p><p>When Jinsoul’s people had done it, which was rare, they’d tried to share it among all of them. It made sure that none of them were completely drained of energy. </p><p>Clearly, they didn’t do that here. </p><p>“Set up with me,” Haseul was saying to Hyunjin. She had a huge pack on her back. The two of them had been making sure no spirits would attack them. Actually sinking into the earth took time. They were vulnerable to attacks. </p><p>“You brought a tent?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Did you forget we live at night?” Heejin asked. “We’ll all get a sunburn if we stay out here, including you.” She wiped her mouth, grimacing. “Who had the water?”</p><p>“Me,” Jiwoo coughed, “I’ll get it soon.” She clutched her stomach as she slowly walked out of the now ruined earth. Jinsoul was relieved that mortals didn’t go very far into the woods. Otherwise they’d see several stretches of mysteriously dug up earth. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed herself to her feet. She wasn’t too dizzy, just nauseated. </p><p>She went to the edge of the disrupted earth, looking for water as she did. There was a large lake in the distance. She’d have to look further for the rivers. Trying to do that made her head hurt. Another thing she hated about using the earth to travel. </p><p>Jiwoo was carrying Sooyoung out of the ground. It was a strange sight. Jinsoul would’ve expected it to be the other way round. </p><p>Hyejoo was leaning up against a tree, eyes drooping. Her head was on Chaewon’s shoulder, their hands clasped together. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. Like Sooyoung and Jiwoo, she didn’t fully understand those two. The only people whose relationship was actually clear were Hyunjin and Heejin. They still seemed to be navigating whatever that was. And she wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be known among the Astra, so she hadn’t asked anyone about it. </p><p>Love among immortals wasn’t rare, but it was hard to find. There was the love that lasted several years. Jinsoul had experienced that a few times. </p><p>But then those years extended into decades. While people didn’t tend to change, that was sometimes the problem. Deeper flaws would be revealed, either from Jinsoul, or the other person. Either that, or Jinsoul’s healing duties would be seen as “too much”. Even with all the time they’d have together, the people Jinsoul had loved had felt as though she’d kept them on the periphery of her life. Maybe they’d been right. She still didn’t know. </p><p>No, in the lives of immortals, the people you spent your life with needed to be strong against time. Whether that be time apart, or time spent together. </p><p>With the people around her, they seemed to spend a lot of time around each other. They’d either overcome those challenges of time, or grown parallel to them. Somehow, Jiwoo and Sooyoung, as well as Hyejoo and Chaewon, managed to be around one another almost all night. They purposefully worked together for everything, but also spent time outside of their duties together. Somehow, they didn’t get fed up with one another. And if they did, they were just extremely vocal about it—without leaving. </p><p>She pushed the thoughts from her mind. She went to help with setting up. </p><p>Haseul sent her a smile when she joined, but didn’t say anything else. Her thoughts were very clearly elsewhere, probably thinking about how they’d attack. </p><p>______</p><p>“How many’re hurt?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>The fairy looked at her, half frightened, half relieved. “Sekar got the worst. They saw him as the greatest threat.” </p><p>She debated whether or not to comment that this fairy in particular seemed to have gotten a beaten as well. There was blood soaking through whatever bandages she’d put on, and one of her eyes was swollen shut. </p><p>Instead, Jungeun nodded and went over to the other fairy.</p><p>Immediately, she could see he was an emotional fae. His hair was pale blue and green. That meant calm and happiness were what he usually felt. A good sign. </p><p>And then there were his eyes. They were a deep angry red. When he saw her, they flashed with yellow surprise, joined by grey soon after. Fear. </p><p>“Why are you here?” Sekar asked. His eyes turned gold. </p><p>Jungeun tried not to focus on the colours. Being around certain fairies already gave her a headache. She didn’t need to spend ages trying to talk to him <em>and</em> figure out his emotions. Haseul was a lot better at that than she was. </p><p>“They asked me to come,” she replied. “I was close enough that I made it in time.” She’d been among the neighbouring Warsa. Then she’d gotten word from her father that Reyna was here. </p><p>A group of fairies had been ambushed. For what, she still didn’t know. She probably wouldn’t be asking. </p><p>Then they’d been imprisoned and forced to help with whatever it was the rest had needed. Reyna had met her at the periphery and they’d snuck in to the base area. Reyna’s hold over the earth helped a lot with that. </p><p>And now they were here. </p><p>Sekar nodded. “Thank you.” Then his brow furrowed, dark blue coming into his eyes, but there was still a lot of gold. Sadness and curiosity—or confusion. </p><p>He was looking into her emotions. She’d met a fair amount of emotional fae in and outside of fighting. She’d liked most of the ones she hadn’t fought, but even they ended up searching her emotions. Apparently she had a lot of inconsistencies. </p><p>She looked to Sekar’s injuries then. A broken leg under the knee. His arm was also deformed, but it didn’t seem like a normal break. They’d left burns all across his skin too. Had he been afraid because of that? </p><p>“Can we go?” Reyna had gathered the rest, all of them seemed hopeful. Probably because of whatever she’d said to them. </p><p>“Just a minute. Maybe two.” Jungeun summoned two short pieces of moonlight and placed them on either side of the leg. “This’s gonna hurt.” She summoned a third and held it to his mouth. “Bite down.” She put her hands on the pieces of moonlight. "Do I need to do your arm too?"</p><p>He looked at her and nodded once. "Just the leg." Then he did what she'd said. </p><p>She shoved the pieces onto the leg and pulled, straightening the worst part. </p><p>A muffled scream. </p><p>Another stretch of moonlight curled around all of it, making a large cast. She tightened it. </p><p>Then she carved in a quick healing rune into the light. There was a rush of magic. It felt very different to the fire, almost cold. </p><p>A sigh came next. </p><p>Jungeun took back the light he’d bitten down on and then helped him up. </p><p>His eyes had turned yellow. He was keeping himself awake. “I’m actually glad you didn’t warn me.” He wiped at his eye. “Your rune was messy too.” </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Did it work?” She helped him walk over to where the rest had gathered. Someone immediately gave him one of the weapons Reyna had brought. It’d work as a crutch. </p><p>Reyna was currently looking at her, eyes wide. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t think much of it. “Who’s got the best defensive magic? Illusions, maybe ice?” She glanced at Reyna. <em>No offence</em>, she thought. Reyna used it well offensively, but that wasn’t the norm for people with earth as their magic. The weapons used were usually brittle. </p><p>Two raised their hands. </p><p>Jungeun went over with Sekar. “You’ll be able to walk in a few minutes—maybe run if things get bad. Just keep them off you and I’ll—we’ll handle the rest.” She looked to Reyna, who still seemed surprised. “Who’s going to fight?” she asked. “Because even if you don’t, we <em>will</em> get all of you out alive.”</p><p>Only rarely had that promise been broken. The last had been two centuries ago. </p><p>A few came forward. After asking their names and magic, she had a lightning wielder, one with air, and an emotional fae. </p><p>“Dahyun’s told me about you,” Seulgi said, her eyes a combination of several colours. “She’d trust you to get us out.” Her hand tightened around the sword they’d brought. “So will I.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “Thank you.” She pulled out her axe. “Come on.” She sent the injured down one path, leading the others down the main route. Some would be able to get out of harms way, but once their captors realised they’d broken out, some would follow. It was easier to go after the ones escaping than the ones fighting. </p><p>There were shouts of alarm as the ground fell away, revealing the fairies’ captors. </p><p>She counted fourteen. Only a few held staffs of ice, others stone, while the rest had metal. </p><p>Jungeun sent a wide stretch fire at all of them. Then she lunged for the nearest one with ice, sinking her axe into his chest. She dodged the blow someone else sent her way. </p><p>She let the flames coat her skin and sink into the ground. They rose up around the next elf, wrapping around her legs and pulling them down to the ground. </p><p>She was still aware of who was around her and if they were winning or losing. She stopped someone from mauling the air-wielder at one point. </p><p>A familiar peace filled her mind as she took down each threat that tried to take her. Her thoughts faded from her mind. She only pulled on the fire, letting it fill the air, pushing it where she needed it. </p><p>The sounds of fighting continued. Had her magic been emotion, Jungeun would’ve seen how grey filled the air. Instead, she just saw the shadows of fear expanding around her. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Here to stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their assault began quickly. They’d left after night had fallen, absorbing moonlight as they went. The destination hadn’t been a cave, but a secluded building of wood and metal. It looked like it was supposed to be grand, but it was so far away that few people could even appreciate that. </p><p>And they were here to rid it of the people inside. </p><p>Jiwoo and Chaewon had gone first, Hyejoo close behind. Chaewon had covered Hyejoo’s swords with moonlight before, giving her another dagger as well. </p><p>Everything else had happened fast. </p><p>The vampires had come into their paths, quick and bathed in a bloodlust so strong even Jinsoul had been able to sense it. </p><p>Then several of them had stumbled, bands of white around their necks. </p><p>Jinsoul turned her attention to the ones without it. She had a reservoir of water at her side. She drew on the first piece, driving it into the hearts of two. They both crumbled to dust. </p><p>In the next moment, another tackled her, breaking several of her ribs in the process. Her water rose up to impale the vampire. She made another part circle her chest, hardening in places to stabilise what’d broken. </p><p>She tried to stand, but the movements still pulled wrong at her ribs. </p><p>A vampire crumbled only a few metres away from her. </p><p>Then Jiwoo was pulling her up. Jinsoul fought a scream. </p><p>“You take the lead,” she said quickly. “I’ll make sure they don’t sneak up on us.” There was a bite on her shoulder, but her skin glowed brightly. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t have time to question that. She summoned a blade just as the next vampire turned his attention to them. Jinsoul lunged first, letting the water encircle his legs. </p><p>He tried to run, but the water pushed back just as hard. He toppled over his own legs, dislocating something in the process. </p><p>Jinsoul drove the moonlight into his chest, twisting until she found his heart. Then he became dust as well. </p><p>Behind her, Jiwoo was trying to keep one from tearing out her neck. </p><p>An arc of water drove into the vampire’s own neck. She crumbled before her head fell off. </p><p>Jinsoul used the water to pull Jiwoo to her feet, before moving on to the rest. </p><p>And it went on like that, though Jinsoul wasn’t caught off guard again. Jiwoo managed to intercept, or shout a warning before teeth reached their necks. </p><p>Jinsoul had abandoned using the light. As she grew exhausted, it was her old magic that came easier when she called to it. She vaguely registered how her light had still managed to sink into the water as she forced it through the air. </p><p>And then it was over. In the survivors, Jinsoul could only hear their confusion and terror, but she didn’t understand their words. It wasn’t a mortal language she knew. </p><p>She could only see the darkness that clung to her. The water scattered across the ground itched to attack them too. She closed her eyes and turned away. </p><p>She hated when her mind was in this space—when the water became a weapon. When she was only facing one threat, like a spirit, wolf, or vampire, it wasn’t as bad. She could still keep a part of her mind.</p><p>But when the only goal was to stay alive, she couldn’t stop to think about what she was doing. She couldn’t stop to consider anything but the people on her side. Tonight, that person had been Jiwoo and vice versa. </p><p>Jinsoul took another deep breath. She could feel her blood rushing through her ears. Her limbs were still ready to move, her magic almost aching to be used. </p><p>She opened her eyes and looked to the rest. </p><p>The one most hurt was Chaewon. She was clutching her leg, her jaw clenched. On her arm was one deep gash and a bite. </p><p>Sooyoung was trying to put light around her leg. Bone protruded from the side. </p><p>Jinsoul went over. “Let me.” She let the water come to them. There was blood in it, as well as light. It took a few seconds until she’d fully separated the dirt and blood from the water. “Make it thinner,” she told her. Then she met Chaewon’s teary eyes. “I need to push it back first.”</p><p>Chaewon nodded once. “Whatever I call you next, don’t take it personally.” She closed her eyes. </p><p>As Jinsoul pushed the bone back beneath the skin, a string of curses fell from Chaewon’s lips. It wasn’t anything she’d ever expected the girl to ever say, especially with the voice she had. She also ended up learning a few words of <em>crosesh</em>. </p><p>Then she wrapped some water around each of Chaewon’s injuries, cleaning them. She started to make healing runes in the ground. Already, she started to feel how her thoughts were going away from survival. It happened slowly, but her mind was freeing itself of that focus that only came with violence. This was what her magic was supposed to be used for. She didn’t want to think of how many people she’d killed. Even if it’d been decided that the vampires had needed to die, that didn’t mean she felt proud for being the one to kill them. </p><p>“You’re hurt too,” Hyejoo said. Her face was tight with worry. She held Chaewon’s white-knuckled hand in her own. </p><p>“Not badly,” she replied. There was a small tug at her mind when the healing magic started to work. “Form it into two flat pieces, from here to here,” she pointed to the lower part of Chaewon’s leg, “then bind it with the other bit of light.” </p><p>Sooyoung did what she said, not even questioning it, or saying she didn’t need the instruction. She looked distant. Maybe she was still in that mindset of before. </p><p>Chaewon sighed as the magic started to work properly. She sank into Hyejoo’s side, her eyes drooping as the pain was replaced by exhaustion. </p><p>“Thank you,” Jiwoo was on her other side, “I think you saved my life at least five times.”</p><p>“And you seven,” Jinsoul replied. “Thanks.” It was strange to think of how easy it’d been to trust her. She’d let her focus go to what was in front of her, leaving everything else completely open. And Jiwoo had managed to either warn her in time, or take care of the threat herself. She’d seen that in Sooyoung a few times. She’d completely surrendered her awareness of her surroundings in favour of taking down one half of a spirit pair. Jiwoo had taken the other one, blocking it when it tried to defend the other. </p><p>“You didn’t use enough moonlight,” Sooyoung said. “But from what I did see, you can handle herself.” She looked her way and smiled slightly. The far-away look was still there, but it was slowly fading. </p><p>They all looked when they heard the raised voices. </p><p>Heejin and Haseul were standing by the newborns. Heejin kept speaking to them in a gentle voice, in the language Jinsoul hadn’t been able to understand. Blood ran down the side of her face. One of her arms was at an odd angle, but she managed to look comforting and kind. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as the newborns listened, eying the rest of them with varying degrees of distrust and fear. One was being held by Hyunjin, who had a hand on the side of the vampire’s throat. There was no moonlight, but Hyunjin’s skin glowed. It was a simple, but clear, warning. </p><p>The vampire just muttered something. </p><p>Hyunjin looked to Heejin, who nodded once. She let go. </p><p>The newborn sank to the ground, her eyes on the ash surrounding them. She looked as confused as she was angry. Of course she would. All they knew was that they’d been attacked by people with magic over light and water. Those people had killed their creators. Even if they’d been scared of them, their deaths would’ve shaken all of the young vampires. </p><p>And being surrounded by people with sharp ears and strange eyes, all of whom had survived the fight, that was more than overwhelming. </p><p>Yet both Heejin and Haseul were talking to them as if they hadn’t just all been enemies. </p><p>“Chae’s light helped calm them down for this,” Sooyoung said. “Without it, I think we’d still be fighting.” </p><p>“Is she the only one who can do that?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Sometimes we’re able to make light like that,” she replied. “But Chaewon’s natural light is always like that. Jiwoo’s normally lifts your spirits. Mine energises.” </p><p>She just nodded, focusing on tapping her foot. “You can still feel this, right?”</p><p>Chaewon nodded weakly. “I was moving it too,” she grimaced, “so I know it works.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “You shouldn’t be moving your leg for at least a week.”</p><p>“What?” Chaewon frowned immediately. “That’s ridiculous, I’ve been able to—”</p><p>“If you tell me you healed after a few days, that’s not actually true,” Jinsoul told her. “You were able to put pressure on it, but that didn’t mean the bone’d healed, or the rest of the leg around it.” She turned to Jiwoo, now feeling the pain that surrounded her entire ribcage. “How long did it hurt for?”</p><p>Chaewon thought for a moment. “A few weeks?”</p><p>Immortals were truly stubborn when it came to their healing. “And if you wait at least a week, it’ll hurt for a lot less than that.” She started to heal her wounds, starting with the bite on her neck. “Is the venom still working?” Vampire venom drained their energy. It didn’t stop one’s magic from manifesting, but it did make everything a lot harder. They’d told Jinsoul before that a lot of moonlight could counter those effects, but not always. </p><p>“It wasn’t before,” Jiwoo sighed, “I think it’s kicking in.” Her peach-coloured eyes were dim. “Can I lay down?” </p><p>“‘Course you can.” Jinsoul helped her lean back. The movement pulled at her chest. She swallowed a curse. “How long do you think that’ll last?” She nodded behind them. </p><p>Haseul was talking to a particularly frightened boy, showing him how moonlight formed on her hand. She pointed to the sky and then to the rest of them, explaining something. Somehow, he looked less afraid. </p><p>“Depends on how much they trusted the rest,” Sooyoung said. “Some see they were only there for protection pretty soon. Others panic and deny it.” She moved to Jiwoo’s side, carefully brushing hair away from the cuts on the side of her face. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “And how long does it take for them not to see us as their enemy?”</p><p>She just shrugged. Then she looked from Jinsoul, to Jiwoo, to Chaewon. “You know you don’t have to do this again, right?” </p><p>Had she given away too much how things like this affected her? Or did they think she’d end up making a mistake in the future? </p><p>Sooyoung shook her head. “I’m not saying you’re not strong enough for it, or anything like that.” She glanced down at Jiwoo. “Because I can see you coming on other trips and not having a problem there either.” </p><p>Jinsoul nearly told her that ‘having a problem’ wasn’t exactly the point of any of this, but she held back. Sooyoung wasn’t always the best with things like this. Jiwoo usually just let her talk through it, while the other two tended to make fun of it. </p><p>“You can’t tell me you don’t find this part better,” Sooyoung said. Then she grimaced. “Maybe not better, but—”</p><p>“I know what you mean,” Jinsoul gave her a small smile, “and you’re right.” She moved on to Jiwoo’s sprained ankle. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll sit out while you do this.” She’d had to do that a few times among her people. Sometimes she’d been able to go into the fight with them, if only to be there if there was a fatal wound, but most of the time they’d kept her out of things ‘for her safety’. She’d always found that argument to be idiotic. She wouldn’t let the Astra do the same. </p><p>She also knew that the more she stepped in to heal, the closer she was getting to falling into what she’d always done. </p><p>But was that a bad thing? The alternative was being sent on these trips, getting used to just being sent into a fight, before going on the other patrols, fighting spirits and other creatures that posed a threat. </p><p>Even Jinsoul’s people before hadn’t devoted so much time to that. They’d dealt with threats if they strayed too close, occasionally going into the sea if the elves there needed support. Jinsoul had only rarely been called in to help on the fighting, but she’d always been there to deal with the worst injuries. She’d worked quickly and learned to judge which people needed her help first. </p><p>Jinsoul was tending to the knife wound in Hyejoo’s side now. She didn’t seem to be bothered by it too much, but Jinsoul wondered how much of that was Hyejoo’s worry for Chaewon. That sort of fear could extend your pain tolerance. It had here. </p><p>“She told us you were good,” Hyejoo muttered. “I thought she was just overselling you.” </p><p>It wasn’t hard to figure out who ‘she’ was. </p><p>“I’m not doing much,” Jinsoul replied. “I’m just not the person who’ll let you go through the earth with several open wounds.” She pressed a thin strip of moonlight to the puncture, letting some water coat the edges and solidify, securing it. “Those do get infected, even if we used magic for it.”</p><p>Jiwoo laughed lightly from the ground. “I think you’re one of the first elves to be worried about infection in about a century.”</p><p>“I know plenty of people who don’t want them.”</p><p>“Did you convert them?” Sooyoung asked. </p><p>“Convert?” Jinsoul repeated. “You like to get a fever?” </p><p>“It’s not that bad.” She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“She just likes having an excuse to get pampered,” Hyejoo chimed in. Beside her, Chaewon let out a low snort. That she hadn’t fallen asleep was impressive. </p><p>“She really does,” Jiwoo slowly sat up, leaning into Sooyoung’s side, “every time she wants me to make her soup.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t miss how Sooyoung’s expression softened, nor how her eyes lingered on Jiwoo’s smile. </p><p>“So,” the peach-eyed girl sighed, “be honest now. Would you want do this again? I don’t mean come out with us, I mean that.” She nodded at the vampires and the ash that covered the ground. “Fighting them, not because you’re defending yourself or trying to get rid of a threat to our neighbouring towns.” </p><p>“But others couldn’t do it,” Jinsoul finished. “‘Want’ isn’t the right word for that. Do all of you <em>want</em> to do this?” </p><p>Immediately, Jiwoo shook her head. The other three nodded. </p><p>“Haseul doesn’t,” Sooyoung said. “Heejin’s fine with it. She can actually get out of there for it.” She shrugged. “Hyunjin and Jungeun are good at it.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. The last part didn’t really answer her question. </p><p>“I do it because we work best as four,” Jiwoo said, putting a hand on Chaewon’s good leg, squeezing it lightly. “And I gotten them out of messes at least ten times this year.”</p><p>Hyejoo tossed a clump of dirt her way. “I saved <em>you</em> just as many times.” She was smiling as she said it. “And I think I saw Jinsoul here save your skin a few times.” </p><p>“We helped each other!” Jiwoo sent Jinsoul a wink. “Defend my honour, please.”</p><p>“I owe you two.” </p><p>Her smile widened. “I’m not counting those two, so we’re even.” She tapped her shoulder. </p><p>A quiet argument came out about who’d had the highest count of rescues. Jinsoul half listened, half focused on tending to the cuts along Sooyoung’s arm. They were deep, probably scratches. They weren’t incredibly deep. Someone had probably tried to grab her and she’d pulled away just a little bit too late. </p><p>She’d need to look to how the others were doing. Maybe even the vampires, though they definitely wouldn’t trust her enough for that. They healed faster than them too. That was the trade off. They were vulnerable to a well-placed strike, but stronger and a lot faster than most. </p><p>Heejin would probably be first. Her hand kept drifting towards her back and she wasn’t moving around as she spoke. If she’d gotten a blow to her side, that wouldn’t speak well at all for her organs. Again, she’d survive it, but the healing process would feel terrible. </p><p>
  <em>Don’t feel like you have some duty to fulfil here. </em>
</p><p>It was almost funny. Had Jungeun expected this to happen? Or had her guess just been that good? She’d told her she didn’t need to become a healer, just as she herself hadn’t <em>needed</em> to become the Astra’s weapon. </p><p>While she did other things, like helping the mortals and carrying out other jobs, she still fought spirits and other creatures. She still fought for the Astra. And it wasn’t something she wanted, but something she was ‘good at’. </p><p>Then again, it wasn’t as if Jinsoul was bad at this. If she kept doing this, she wouldn’t be a burden for the rest. She’d be a part of their team. </p><p>And she’d be there if they got hurt. At times, it felt like they were a bit too confident. That was usually when Jinsoul started to worry. Confidence could so easily mean recklessness. </p><p>“I think we’ll be ready to leave soon,” Jiwoo said. Her eyes were still dim, but she looked better than earlier. “A few from another coven will be coming. Then we can go home—I mean,” her smile faded, “back to camp.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “It’s supposed to become my home, isn’t it?”</p><p>“That takes time,” Jiwoo replied. “New normals take a while to get used to.” There was an edge to her eyes. It left soon after, leaving only a warm smile. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if asking about that later would be a bad thing or not. </p><p>She decided against it. Whatever had changed in Jiwoo’s life, she’d probably hear about it eventually. For all intents and purposes, she was here to stay. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun sat down, letting her weapons fall to the ground. They were covered in blood. Her hands and arms were coated in it. She didn’t look anywhere else, but she could feel where the rest of the blood had settled onto her. </p><p>She sighed. The memories were already settling into her mind. She’d yanked someone off of one of the fairies and dragged them across the ground. </p><p>Then she saw how she’d melted down someone’s sword, using the molten metal against them. Her left hand still felt numb from holding it. She could see small clumps of pale grey across her ruined palm. </p><p>She closed her eyes, trying to still her heart. It pounded away, eagerly trying to keep her ready for another attack. </p><p>“You really do fight like no other,” Seulgi said. Her blade was coated in red, but the rest of her was largely free of it. “So why’re you feeling like that now?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I thought you were learning how to stay <em>out</em> of our feelings.” </p><p>“It’s not something I can easily ignore.” She sat down beside her. “Do you want any help?” </p><p>She looked up, frowning. “How would you do that?” </p><p>Seulgi’s eyes were partially dark blue. Sad. “Pull your calm to the forefront. It’ll help soothe the anger.”</p><p>Jungeun looked away. “No need,” she said. “I just need a few minutes.”</p><p>“Or you could try tiring yourself out a bit more,” she suggested. “Fatigue weakens the emotions too.” </p><p>Jungeun almost told her how terrible of an idea that was. If someone saw her flames in the distance, they’d come immediately. They were lucky no one was in the area now, but she knew from the Warsa that there’d be opportunists nearby. </p><p>Then Seulgi looked over to the others. </p><p>She followed her gaze. She saw the bodies first, many of them burned. There were still fires scattered around the makeshift camp. Jungeun extinguished all of them. </p><p>Then she saw the fairies. When the fighting had stopped, she'd checked to see if everyone was still alive. They were. </p><p>But they were also hurt. She only saw that now. </p><p>Jungeun felt her own shame surge. She wished her first thought had been to see if anyone was hurt. She wished the thought of healing them would’ve come immediately. </p><p>“There’s still some time, but we do have to leave soon,” Seulgi said slowly. “Your companion is eager to go.” </p><p>“You would be too.” Jungeun got to her feet. “If you couldn’t sense when someone was coming.” Sh’d been exactly like that until she’d gotten the light. If you weren’t expecting a threat, you could still overlook someone’s presence. Other than that, it’d gotten her out of a lot of bad situations. She’d gotten less nervous on jobs like these. </p><p>Jungeun joined the wounded. Someone had found potions, but they hadn’t been enough. And broken bones couldn’t be healed immediately. Or stab wounds. </p><p>“Clean your hands with this first,” a fairy said. She had bright blue eyes. She gave her a waterskin. “Someone else’s blood can be just as bad as dirt sometimes.” Then she looked at her, brow furrowed. "You need me to—" She reached for Jungeun's side. </p><p>She leaned away, shaking her head. A sword had struck her there, but it was shallow. Her ribs were also broken, but she'd managed to numb them with light. </p><p>After washing her hands, she went to the next fairy. He was the one with air as his magic. If she remembered right, he was called Remus. </p><p>“Need a hand?”</p><p>He let out a strangled laugh. “I thought you people were supposed to be funnier than us.” Remus lifted his mangled hand. Something had just about crushed it. </p><p>“They exist.” Jungeun summoned a very thin strip of moonlight. “I’m taking this off once we get there.” Moonlight wasn’t always great for people who weren’t Astra or, for some odd reason, emotional fae. At least it was tolerated, even helpful, in small amounts. "This'll hurt." </p><p>Remus shook his head. "I've seen you do worse." It was meant lightly. </p><p>Jungeun just got to work. Carefully, she wrapped it around his hand, ignoring the series of hisses and small cries of pain as she secured the fingers as best she could. </p><p>Then he sighed in relief. Either the light had numbed it, or it just felt soothing. She didn’t always know how it worked. Chaewon’s always drained, but the rest of theirs fluctuated between energising and subduing. </p><p>Jungeun set the hand on the ground and drew the healing rune. </p><p>“Best to do these multiple times, right?” She felt the next surge of magic. It cleared her head slightly, but that ache came back. </p><p>“Never done this before?” Remus frowned. </p><p>“Not enough,” Jungeun replied. When she did it again, she felt another tug on her magic, followed by a light pain. </p><p>“Well then lucky for me,” he smiled slightly, “it works.” </p><p>She shrugged. The third time she cast the spell, there was a sharp pain in her head. Then it faded. </p><p>“Might want to give some light over there,” he said. “Thank you.” He looked a bit surprised by his own words. Jungeun was too.</p><p>She spent the next part of an hour straightening broken bones and setting thin portions of the light on the most painful of injuries. She asked someone else to cast the healing runes. She’d tried again, but the pain felt as if it was trying to split her head open. She wasn’t a stranger to overdoing it with her magic, but she’d never actually gotten hurt by it. </p><p>In the back of her mind, she wondered if that was because it was so contrary to her actual magic.</p><p>She brushed it aside and tied the next piece of moonlight. This one had gotten a knife to the back. She’d have to be carried down. </p><p>They had a long way to go, which meant that the less pain these people had could have the capacity to be life saving. And they’d also be able to avoid infection a bit better now too. </p><p>She almost laughed. Infection should've been the least of their problems. Even broken bones could be walked on, if you grit your teeth enough. </p><p>Jungeun leaned back, a wave of exhaustion coming over her. She wasn’t sure if it was from the fighting or from the healing magic. She felt drained. Her own magic was almost effortless to call upon if she was using fire, but powering a rune had been exhausting after only a few times of drawing it. </p><p>“We really have to go,” Reyna was telling Seulgi, “any change?” </p><p>The fairy shook her head. </p><p>Jungeun looked to the rest. No one looked as if they were in too much pain. Someone sent her a small smile. </p><p>She looked away and got to her feet. She swayed. </p><p>Someone steadied her. Sekar. </p><p>“Should you be on your feet?” She looked at his leg.</p><p>“We’re going now, aren’t we?” His eyes were gold and pale blue. Then they flashed yellow. </p><p>Jungeun felt a burst of energy. It stayed, but wasn’t anything that made her unsettled. Excitement. </p><p>She realised then that the rush from the fight had faded. The memories felt a little bit more distant now too. </p><p>“You’re filthy.” Sekar was frowning at her face. “You do know you’re still covered in blood, don’t you?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I can smell it too.” </p><p>The fairy looked at her, his eyes purely gold now. "Why are you still here?" </p><p>Jungeun frowned. </p><p>"You're too entrenched in this place," Sekar said. "Your emotions are tied to every body you felled, you've—”</p><p>"Stop looking at it," Jungeun said, hoping she didn't sound angry. </p><p>“Eun,” Reyna was at her side, “are you okay? What you did,” she started, sounding both disbelieving and relieved. </p><p>“Tired,” she replied. “It’ll be fine.” She let the moonlight flow onto her skin, finding a welcome comfort there. </p><p>Sekar gave her one last look of gold, before going over to Seulgi. </p><p>“Okay.” Reyna nodded, still looking confused. “Tell me if you need a break.”</p><p>Jungeun laughed slightly. “Not happening.” She started walking. They’d probably have to take breaks for the rest, but that wouldn’t be for at least a few more hours. They needed distance and speed to make up for any time they might’ve just lost. </p><p>They couldn’t use the earth to leave until they reached the Warsa. It took too long and left most of them vulnerable. They could only do it in the safety of the Warsan tunnels. </p><p>And in the state most of them were, they’d be attracting spirits along the way. Too many. Jungeun wasn’t going to risk fending off that many while the rest sank into the ground. If she was overpowered, that’d mean the rest were as good as gone. Maybe it would’ve been better to take someone else with her. </p><p>The start of the walk was quiet. Everyone was tired, drained from the fear of their capture and then exhausted completely from the fighting. </p><p>Jungeun watched for any presences. She found spirits, most of them benevolent. At least there was that. </p><p>When there were malevolent spirits, she went after them, careful not to let her thoughts slip again. It took longer than it would’ve otherwise, but she didn’t mind. </p><p>Once she’d gotten the light and had to fight spirits, she’d had to take more time. The goal was never to kill, but to turn them. </p><p>There was a lot less deliberation when she was in an actual fight. She jumped from dodging to attacking without much of a plan in mind, but that had always been what saved her.</p><p>It didn’t work as much with spirits. They usually fought the way she did, and that was where she’d often ended up getting knocked back, a fair amount of wounds made from the darkness. </p><p>She was still thankful for being able to separate those two mindsets. The shift had saved her life a few times too.</p><p>______</p><p>
  <em>Sixteen </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jungeun’s hands wouldn’t still. She tried to force them, but failed. Even held in fists, they wouldn’t stop trembling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Eun.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two arms wrapped themselves around her small frame. She wanted to push them away. Her skin was still hot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m so proud of you,” Leah murmured. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I hurt them,” Jungeun said. This was what she'd trained for. They'd told her she was meant for this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So this was what she'd keep doing. And she'd as good as failed. Yes, she'd helped kill the ones they'd been sent out for, but she'd also hurt their people. </em>
</p><p>Her<em> people. They'd taken burns to their arms and legs. They'd screamed too. She'd hurt them, because the fire had been stronger. </em></p><p>
  <em>“Don’t ever blame yourself for the fire.” Her grip tightened. “It wasn’t your fault, and no one got badly hurt except the people who deserved it.” She kissed the top of her head. “No one blames you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What about their families?” Jungeun asked. “They hate me.” She could still hear their screams. Their parents, their siblings, their children—none would know how much they suffered. Only Jungeun would. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leah’s voice hardened. “These people,” she made her look up, “chose their paths. They walked on, knowing they took a risk, just as we do.” She brushed the next tears away. “And one of our paths will always end. Being able to keep walking is nothing you can blame yourself for.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to tell her she was wrong, but she knew she’d just be told otherwise. She'd been told to use her flames. They'd tried to kill her before she'd managed it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In her fear, she'd lost her grip on the flames. They'd scattered around her, burning everyone who'd stayed too close. Even the people she hadn't been told to hurt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I'll get to cooking?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun was so tempted to say yes. She wanted a warm meal and to stay where she was. Safe. “I need to practice.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leah’s grip on her fell slack, before tightening. “You need to rest.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shook her head. “We keep training my body,” she pulled away, “I need to train the fire just as much.” She made a flame in her hand. Its blades ran freely into the air, going in all directions. She needed more control over it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her mother looked at her for a long moment. There wasn’t disappointment, but she looked sad. “Alright.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun nodded, before leaving the tent. She spent the next hours trying to keep the flames in one steady shape. Then she spent the night trying to send the flames in a perfectly straight line. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When her father found her, she was surrounded by ash and melted rock. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I ended up making another large chapter, but I made it a double one. I figured that since it's been a month since the last update, I could do that. Life has been very busy, but I've finally got a break. The next chapter is already being worked on so I'll get it out this week. </p><p>I hope it wasn't too confusing. If you're completely new to this 'world', these characters feature in a different story of mine. It's set a fair amount of years after this and a small part of this story is also to show how the different characters were before certain events happened (that's putting it very lightly). Again, you really do not need to read any of my other stories to understand this, but if some things stray a bit away from Jungeun and Jinsoul, that's why. </p><p>The snippets of Jungeun's past won't be a constant in this story, but I wanted to show a bit more of how she'd grown up. Some of the exact reasons for it will be better explained later, but this is the first part. </p><p>I also really wanted to explore the stories of Jinsoul and Jungeun a bit more separate to one another. There's a chance this story will be getting a bit longer than I'd planned. These two characters have got a story I really want to explore more and I'll try not to overdo it, but I hope you'll be up for it. </p><p>Do let me know what your thoughts are! I know this was a bit of a beast of an update, but that's why it was split into two.</p><p>I hope you're all doing well and are healthy. See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. It was easy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Twenty</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The smell was worse than it’d ever been. Jungeun’s eyes burned with tears. Everywhere she looked, she saw ruin. All of it because of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flames still licked at their corpses. She extinguished them all. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun vomited. She slipped on the ground. Her hands sank into ash. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She retched, each breath in between filled her senses with the death around her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was so quiet. It’d been so loud before. She almost missed the sounds. Their absence meant it was over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she was left with this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She heard shouts in the distance. “She’s here!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun kept her eyes on the ground. The ground was black and grey. She didn’t look to where it was red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey,” it was Reyna, “you did it.” Hands went to her arms, before moving away immediately, followed by a small hiss of pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words sounded wrong. So wrong. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun looked up. She saw that Reyna was smiling. It was exactly the one she loved seeing. It should’ve been reassuring. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It made her feel sick instead. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pushed her away. She saw the hurt in Reyna's eyes. She ignored it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you hurt?” Pollux asked. He was looking around at what she’d done. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun was starting to feel the stab wound in her back. Her leg had been torn into as well. The pain was still faint. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jungeun?” It was her father. He was Daran to everyone else, the closest thing they had to some sort of general. He was at her side in the next moment. “Are you alright?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The laugh that left her was shrill. “Alright?” she repeated. “I’m alive.” She looked to her side and immediately regretted it. Someone lay with their eyes open, jaw slack. Her blade had sunk deep into their back. She felt another wave of nausea. She moved away from them and bent over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We should get you out of here.” His hand slowly went to her arm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun backed away. “I’ll burn you.” Her skin was still covered in the heat of the flames. She'd already burned Reyna. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stayed where he was. Jungeun didn’t know how to read that look. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We have to leave before they come,” Reyna said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then they’d see their dead. Centuries of life ended in less than an hour. They'd know exactly who'd done it too. What if she let them find her? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun coughed. Her eyes burned even more. “What did you mean I did it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They all looked at her, the confusion clear on her faces. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This’s what you wanted?” She saw another corpse turned unrecognisable by the flames. “What I’ve been training for?” The next one made her want to throw up again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They lost their chance at life,” her father said slowly. “No one died unfairly.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They begged me to stop,” Jungeun snapped. “They begged me to spare them and I did that.” She pointed to the one whose skin was entirely marred. “They watched me kill the others and some tried to run.” She looked to the one whose body still held her sword. “I dragged them back.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This isn’t the first time you’ve killed,” Pollux said slowly. “This isn’t even the second—“ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I slaughtered them!” Jungeun screamed. “You told me not to let anyone live and I gave you that. You told me to fight for my life, but I didn’t have to. It was easy.” She wanted to summon her fire again. She wanted to engulf something with it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jungeun,” her father came closer, slowly, “breathe.” He was looking from her arms to her eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked down only to see her arms were coated in fire. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She absorbed them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then arms went around her, pulling her close, ignoring the heat from her skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun sank into them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay,” her father said. “You’ve fought them. It’s finished now.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She broke down then. Her father’s arms tightened around her as she sobbed. </em>
</p><p>______</p><p>Life felt different in the mountains. It was colder, for one, and each breath felt like it was a chore to take in. For Jungeun, it was easy to start shivering. She also wasn't wearing what she usually did. She couldn't fight with it. </p><p>Other than the cold, Jungeun loved it. The world seemed changed by the height, stretching out far below her. Instead of being dwarfed by stone and great swathes of trees, Jungeun just felt peace. </p><p>It was quiet here, the only sounds being faint echoed voices and the wind. The sound of the air drowned out most other things here. There was a river in the distance too. She’d finally washed away the blood too. It’d stained her clothes, breaking through the enchantments they cast to keep them clean, but she was free of it. </p><p>It was exactly what Jungeun needed after today. She wished she could spend all her time out here. </p><p>But she needed to get back, as much as she didn’t want to. </p><p>They’d been offered to stay with the Warsa, but that was a risk in and of itself. They’d just stayed long enough to eat something. There were a few people there that Jungeun couldn’t risk seeing her. </p><p>And Reyna wasn’t quite universally liked there either. </p><p>They were just two now. Reyna was setting up the tent and Jungeun had spotted a spirit pair. </p><p>Both trailed behind her now. A yellow turtle and a blue fish. They weren’t quite in an aquatic area, but there was a large lake nearby. </p><p>Then again, she wasn’t quite as sure if turtles lingered in those areas as well. She didn’t know much at all about flora and fauna. </p><p>“It’s still weird seeing you like that,” Reyna smiled when she saw her, “a good weird.” </p><p>The turtle was gone, but the fish still floated in the air beside her. The ‘water’ around it was a pale blue. </p><p>“I’ll start with the runes,” Jungeun said. </p><p>Reyna nodded, a hint of hurt flickered in her expression. There was still one or two more things Reyna had been sent out for. She'd asked Jungeun to join her. It was still hard to say no to her. </p><p>It was quiet again. Jungeun brushed aside the guilt she felt then and got started on the runes. The magic for that didn’t hurt. The fish had gone now as well. </p><p>“Since when do you heal people?” </p><p>She should’ve known this question would come. </p><p>“Today,” Jungeun admitted. She could still feel that ache in her mind. That wasn’t supposed to happen with magic. At least not with someone who’d used magic for as long as immortals usually did. </p><p>“Did something happen?” </p><p>Jungeun frowned and looked up. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You never wait for injuries to get healed, let alone heal them yourself.” She chuckled. “We almost let someone bleed out because we were in a rush.” </p><p>Right, that’d happened too. “It’s a mistake I keep making. And the infections that come after are always nasty.”</p><p>“You went after a coven with a nice infection on your arm.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “And I felt terrible before, during, and after.” </p><p>Reyna’s brow rose. “But you always forced yourself through that.” Her eyes went over Jungeun’s frame. “You did that today too.” She was talking about broken ribs and the gash along her side. </p><p>Jungeun just shrugged. </p><p>“Hey,” she walked over, “don’t act like this’s nothing, because it isn't.”</p><p>“I’m not.” Jungeun finished with the runes. </p><p>Reyna was looking at her, expectant. She wanted an answer to that first question. </p><p>“We had time,” Jungeun said. “And I didn’t need them resenting us the whole way back and after too.” </p><p>She raised a brow. “Really? So the Astra got you to see that?” </p><p>She frowned then. “I mean if we had time with the rest, I’d have let them get healed.”</p><p>Reyna gave her a look. “But <em>you</em> never would’ve done the healing, let alone for an entire group.” </p><p>“And?” Jungeun went over to the tent and lit the fire. She sat down, lifting her hands to her head. It was pounding. She’d really done too much. </p><p>It’d need practice to stop that pain, but she wasn’t planning on devoting that time to it. She didn’t need a pain like this. She wondered if healing magic felt like that in the beginning. Maybe there was a reason for it. </p><p>Reyna knelt down in front of her, holding her gaze. “Eun, I saw you use that spell once in a year, if even that.” </p><p>“Don’t make this more than it was.” She shook her head. “I helped them in two ways. That’s all.” </p><p>Reyna put a hand on her knee. “It’s a little more than that.” </p><p>Jungeun looked at her. “Reyna,” she started. </p><p>“I know,” she nodded, “but this—you.” She smiled. “That was incredible.”</p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “You should see how the rest do it.” She thought of how Nuala had the capacity to work day and night. She thought of Jinsoul and how she’d merged the two types of magic. She was on her way to combining it with the light too. </p><p>“You just started,” Reyna countered. “Not exactly a fair comparison.” </p><p>“I’m just doing that if there’s no healer.” </p><p>Her brow furrowed. </p><p>“I’m not learning another magic,” Jungeun told her. “And if we’d have actually been at risk tonight, me healing them would’ve just been temporary. It drains me too.” She didn’t say that that was exactly what she’d wanted today. “But,” she patted her hand, “it’ll be good to start taking healers with you. Might be hard to get them to accept that, but it’ll help.” </p><p>“Or more of us try learning it,” Reyna said. “Show me the rune I should make?” She pointed at Jungeun’s side. </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “Really?”</p><p>She nodded. “Have to start somewhere.”</p><p>Jungeun traced the rune lightly in the ground, letting moonlight seep into the grooves. She held back the magic that wanted to use that rune. </p><p>“You look different,” Reyna started to make it, “I think your hair actually glows now.” </p><p>“Might just be because I’m using the light,” she replied, letting out a small sigh as the magic settled into her ribs. The spell didn’t compare to other healers, just like Jungeun’s had been sub-par, but it worked. “Don’t use it too much.” She took her hand, stopping it from drawing the rune again. “It’ll hurt more than my ribs do.” </p><p>She looked away from Reyna and let go of her hand.</p><p>“You should cover that too.” She was looking at the cut on Jungeun. </p><p>“We don’t have any bandages.” Jungeun grabbed a waterskin and drank. </p><p>Reyna gave her a look. “You can summon a cloth from light. Use that here too.” </p><p>So Jungeun did. She tried to ignore how Reyna watched her. The silence wasn’t as comfortable as before. It felt as if it was waiting for something. </p><p>“I know I say this every time,” Reyna said softly, “but I missed you.” </p><p>There it was. Jungeun focused on placing the moonlight over the gash. It was smooth, made by a sword of metal instead of earth or ice. She counted herself lucky for that. </p><p>“How’s the new Astran?” </p><p>Jungeun almost asked her how she knew that, but the news had probably travelled quickly. Despite the Astra trying their best to remain separate, many elves still knew a lot about them. “She wouldn’t want to hear you calling her that.” </p><p>“She’s Arcsan, isn’t she?” </p><p>She just nodded. “She learned a lot. Haseul’s been training her.” </p><p>Reyna looked up at that name. “Haseul's got time for that?” There was an edge to her voice, one Jungeun didn’t take long to decipher.</p><p>“She made time.” </p><p>Something in her expression faltered. “Impressive.” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t ignore the guilt then. There'd been a time when she'd been jealous of Haseul. That'd been before Jungeun had actually started feeling at home with the Astra. Things had changed even more after that. </p><p>The silence that followed wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. </p><p>She turned her attention back to the mountains behind them. Even though it was cold, even though the air was so much thinner here, she’d learned how to better live with it. The moonlight helped and having her magic heat her skin made everything a lot more bearable. She wouldn’t weaken that fast either. Still, if it got a lot worse, she'd probably get sick. </p><p>Jungeun could still feel Reyna’s eyes on her. The last time Jungeun had visited, they hadn’t had a falling out at all, but things were still strained. </p><p>“Hey,” Jungeun met her eyes, “how are you?” </p><p>“Good.” Reyna nodded, a small smile on her face. “Thought today’d go a lot worse than it did.” Her gaze turned thoughtful. “I knew they’d send someone, but they didn’t tell me it’d be you.” Her smile grew. </p><p>Jungeun wasn’t sure whether to keep looking or look away. “You fared a lot better than me,” she chuckled, “I think I’m losing my touch.” Then she glanced at the periphery of their little camp. “The runes will all be fine for spirits, but I’m not sure about the rest. Do you think we’ll need a watch?” </p><p>Reyna bit her lip. “You’ll probably have an easier time there, won’t you?” She glanced up at the night sky. “This’s your element, isn’t it?” </p><p>Jungeun could only nod. She wished Reyna could just tell her she was tired and they’d leave it at that. She didn’t want to sleep tonight. Her dreams were too vivid right after a fight. </p><p>And even though Reyna knew enough about them, she’d barely seen it happen. </p><p>Then lips met hers and two hands gently cradled her face. </p><p>Jungeun kissed her back. Reyna still tasted like lemons. She'd missed that. If this was what she could have for the next weeks, she wouldn't regret agreeing to help Reyna. </p><p>The ache in her mind faded. </p><p>Reyna pulled away. “I missed you.” </p><p>Jungeun laughed. “You already said that.” She put her hands lightly on her waist. </p><p>“I always mean it.” She moved in again. </p><p>Jungeun let herself focus only on Reyna. It was easy. Familiar. It let her not need to think about today. </p><p>And it was a reason for her not to sleep tonight. </p><p>______</p><p>Weeks passed and Jinsoul was slowly growing used to the schedules of the other Astra. She kept training with Haseul, going on patrol with Sooyoung and the rest, while having meals with the entire group. </p><p>“You healed <em>dolphins</em>?” Chaewon frowned at her. “Dolphins?”</p><p>Jinsoul gave her a look. “Those’re incredible creatures <em>and</em> we can learn to speak with them.” </p><p>Sooyoung raised a brow. “So you’ve got friends?” she asked. “That’re dolphins.”</p><p>“Whales and fish too?” Hyejoo laughed.</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>Her eyes widened. “I was joking.” </p><p>“And I’m serious!” Jinsoul said. “They make great company.” </p><p>All of them were looking at her as if she’d grown tentacles for a head. That'd happened to her once. </p><p>“So if you get fed up with us,” Haseul was fighting a smile, “you’ll complain to the fish and the dolphins?”</p><p>“There’re no dolphins nearby,” Jinsoul replied. “And what makes you think I haven’t already told them about you?”</p><p>Chaewon squinted at her. “You tell them our real names too?” </p><p>“Names have no meaning for them.” </p><p>“Right,” Hyejoo nodded, “that makes a lot of sense.” </p><p>Jinsoul took hold of the water in Hyejoo’s waterskin and tossed it at her face. </p><p>She screeched, before launching herself over the fire, tackling her. </p><p>Jinsoul lost almost immediately and threw up her hands. “I surrender!” </p><p>Hyejoo smirked. “You just don’t want a broken nose.” She got off her. </p><p>Jinsoul pulled the water off of Hyejoo and into a ball. Then she put it back into the waterskin. </p><p>“Is it very different to the light?” Yeojin asked. “Controlling that.”</p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “It’s a hard comparison if it’s like moving one of my arms.” She looked between them. “Isn’t it like that for you with the light?” </p><p>Yeojin nodded. “But does it <em>feel</em> different? Like how the light feels warm, you're manipulating something that’s <em>not</em> just coming from the moon, or yourself, but outside of it.” A pause. “Or is it a part of you?”</p><p>She was taken aback by the question. She hadn’t really talked much with Yeojin and she’d always thought the girl was more interested in the politics of the elves than their magic. </p><p>“Both,” Jinsoul said. “Most of the time, it feels almost as if I’m submerged in water again. That’s when I’m the strongest.” </p><p>“The worst place to fight Jungeun is a volcano,” Sooyoung said then. “She can’t control it, but the heat of it makes her stronger.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her. There was something about the way she said it, as if she wanted to make a point. </p><p>“You know she’s done what we did with the vampires,” Sooyoung trailed off, her gaze distant. Then it refocused. “Probably since she was in her second decade, maybe a bit earlier.”</p><p><em>Not just vampires</em>. “Why’re you telling me that?” Jinsoul asked. “I know how long she’s been fighting. I know what she’s done. I know what it’s cost.” </p><p>Immediately, there was a shift. Jinsoul regretted being a part of it, but Sooyoung had brought it up as well. Why she’d done that, Jinsoul wasn’t sure. </p><p>Right now at least, she’d just fixed Jinsoul with an unreadable gaze. That in itself was almost a challenge, as if encouraging her to say something against Jungeun. </p><p>“Not just to the people she killed,” Sooyoung said pointedly. “Do you know what it cost her?” </p><p>“Years of guilt,” Jinsoul said. “And she’s accepted what it’s cost. She accepts the pain people will want to bring on her, but she’s not ready to die. Knowing the details of what she’s done,” she frowned, “I don’t know what that’s supposed to change about that.”</p><p>They all looked at her. Jinsoul knew exactly that what she’d said hadn’t been what they’d wanted to hear. Maybe not the wrong thing, but definitely not the right one either. </p><p>She braced herself for the moment the silence would be broken. </p><p>It came sooner than she’d thought. </p><p>“You know what,” Haseul sighed, “she’s going to hate it when she finds out, but I need to say it.” She fixed Jinsoul with an apologetic, but irritated look. </p><p>“I’m being unfair,” Jinsoul said. She forced herself to hold her gaze. </p><p>“At least she’s aware,” Sooyoung muttered. </p><p>“All of you’ve made it obvious you think I’m being unreasonable,” she sighed, “but you can’t expect me to see her the way you do. She’s <em>your</em> friend. I knew people who saw her as the enemy.” </p><p>“But what has she been to you?” Haseul leaned forward. “She’s tried to help you avoid every pitfall she’d gone through. And that isn’t even counting the fact that you have it easier than she did.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t say anything to that. </p><p>“And yes,” Haseul grimaced, “I know she made it harder for herself. I know she made the choice to keep doing what she was doing. I know she’s done terrible things.” Her eyes hardened. “And I also know we’re <em>all</em> biased. I know we’re all someone’s ally, and we’re all someone else’s enemy.” She didn’t look away from Jinsoul. “And in an ideal world, we should know the difference.”</p><p>“I’m not treating her like my enemy.” </p><p>Sooyoung snorted. “Just because you healed her, doesn’t mean you don’t hate her.”</p><p>Jinsoul whipped her head around to look at her. “I could’ve gone ahead and never seen her again,” she shot back, “I could’ve told her the names of everyone I’d either healed or watched die.” </p><p>Her expression softened. “She already remembers their faces.”</p><p>“It’s not about remembering.” Jinsoul couldn’t bring herself to hold her gaze. “It’s,” she faltered. She barely knew how to finish that. </p><p>“What else do you expect her to do?” Chaewon asked. “She can’t apologise to their family, she can’t tell them the reasons why, so what’s she supposed to do?” </p><p>“You don’t keep killing.”</p><p>“As if it’s that easy,” Haseul muttered. “You really have no—“ she stopped. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul raised her brow. </p><p>“It’s not my place to say.”</p><p>“Right,” Jinsoul nodded, “just how it’s not my place to judge someone for the violence <em>they</em> caused.” </p><p>Sooyoung’s expression soured. As did a few others. Jiwoo looked sad. </p><p>“<em>That’s</em> not fair either,” Jinsoul fought a scowl, “I’ve listened to her. I’ve tried to understand and all I’m seeing is that Jungeun's the only one who sees both sides of this.” She met Jiwoo’s eyes then. The one who’d told her to try. “And all I really learned is that she’s ready to die the moment someone’s strong enough to kill her.” Just saying it aloud sounded morbid. Wrong.  </p><p>She didn’t miss how they flinched. Some of the fight in their eyes faded too. They knew that too. </p><p>“I don’t hate her,” she sent a pointed look Sooyoung’s way, “but I’m never going to just ignore what she’s done.”</p><p>“We’re not—”</p><p>“Have you ever wanted revenge for a loved one’s death?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Immediately, several people reacted. Hyejoo took Chaewon’s hand, the latter’s eyes having fallen to the ground, while Sooyoung’s jaw tightened. Haseul continued to hold her gaze, but there was an admission there. </p><p>“And did you get it?” </p><p>“What’s your point?” Chaewon asked, an edge to her voice. </p><p>“For how many people is Jungeun the one they want for their revenge?” Jinsoul remembered how that elf had tried to attack Jungeun, despite probably knowing the fire elf was much stronger than she was. </p><p><em>You humiliated us</em>. </p><p>“I don’t think a lot of people could fault you for avenging someone else,” Jinsoul continued. “Just like few on the other side will fault others for hating Jungeun, thinking she’s just a monster, because none of them, including me, know her like you do. You see the things she’s done differently.” She shook her head. “But you can’t tell me to do the same, not when I don’t know her like you do and <em>not</em> when I know some of the people she's hurt a lot more than I do any of you.” </p><p>The rest were quiet. Jinsoul looked back at the fire. The colours there reminded her of that same person. </p><p>“And what happens when you know her more?” Jiwoo asked. “You have to know some people who’ve killed people. Did you acknowledge those things too?” Her brow rose. “Look past them, or just accept them?”</p><p>“I accepted that they’d happened,” Jinsoul said. “But that never meant I accepted the acts themselves.” </p><p>“This’s going nowhere.” Sooyoung pushed herself to her feet. She gave Jinsoul another unreadable look. “I don’t care what you think about her. I just don’t want you rubbing it in her face, reminding her that she can’t change what she’s done.” She turned away, but not before muttering, “she already does that enough.” </p><p>______</p><p>“What’d they offer you?” Jungeun asked, taking a long drink from the cask. It was a mixture of a sweet wine and something else. They’d warmed it for her, adding a bit of chocolate to the rim. She couldn’t help but feel content. </p><p>Reyna and her had returned to a celebration. They’d been congratulated for three contracts they'd fulfilled, but mostly the rescue of the fairies. Jungeun had been dragged away by some old friends to help them orchestrate some explosions in the sky. After the feast, she’d been sent to the pavilion right in the centre of the clearing. This’d been one of their more permanent settlements. They usually left it for a few years if they’d angered a particularly vengeful group, but they could come back to it. </p><p>This current stay had been for more than fifty years now. </p><p>Jungeun was slowly getting sucked into the comfort of it all. And now they were talking about more political matters. Nothing she really liked. </p><p>“Nothing concrete at the time,” Pollux said. “But we ended up agreeing that they’d send some mentals and emotionals.”</p><p>She nodded once, before taking another sip. “Are things bad again?” She braced herself for news of another minor war brewing. </p><p>Her mother shook her head. “They just accumulated,” Thea said. </p><p>Jungeun nodded again. Fear had accumulated in their people again. Mostly their warriors. The emotional fairies could help with that. The terrors just got worse, building into breakdowns if they were confronted with a vampire, fire, or even a storm. The fairies didn’t take those fears away completely, because there was apparently a rule against that. They could push the fear further into someone’s emotions, burying it. If Jungeun had understood it right, they could lock the emotions away. </p><p>“What about the mentals?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“We had a bad run-in,” Pollux grimaced, “we’ve got three we put to sleep.” </p><p>Meaning, they couldn’t even handle being awake. There weren’t many, but some mental fae took too much pleasure in messing around with the mind. They could drive someone completely mad within a second if they weren’t fighting it. What’d probably happened here is that the fairies had flooded their minds with past fears. </p><p>Jungeun had gone through that a few times now. She’d been put to sleep once. </p><p>Sometimes the damage was irreversible. Jungeun just hoped that wasn’t the case here. </p><p>“Do we know when they’re coming?” Reyna leaned forward slightly. She glanced her way. </p><p>Jungeun stiffened. Even with the weeks spent together, Reyna hadn't addressed this once. Now she was getting a little too close to it. </p><p>“A week,” Thea replied. “They’re taking responsibility for what happened. They don’t know how long they’ll have to negotiate.” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “They won’t know it was us?” She’d left her mark on the rest. She wasn’t the only one with fire magic, but she was the first person a lot thought of when they saw the burns. </p><p>“Oh they’ll know,” Itsumi said. “But it wasn’t our fault the fairies got overpowered.” </p><p>Again, she just nodded. She still didn’t understand how the fae managed their relations. They had trials that usually ended with banishment instead of imprisonment or executions. Mental and emotional fae were employed, while the rest debated the merit of that person’s life. </p><p>Sometimes, Jungeun suspected it might’ve been the fairer way of handling things, but the idea still terrified her. She didn’t think it was right to subject people to that sort of scrutiny. </p><p>Then again, the elves’ idea of justice tended to lean to just pushing someone deep into the mountain settlements, or killing them. Jungeun’s people leaned more towards that. The Astra usually did that, but primarily with vampires. </p><p>Jungeun pushed the thoughts from her mind. As always, the more she thought about it, the more complicated it became. That was the kind of thing Haseul was good at making sense of. Said elf had tried to tell Jungeun the differences, and why the various groups stuck to their types of justice. </p><p>She’d ended up stopping her in favour of cooking dinner. </p><p>“How long’re you staying?” Reyna asked suddenly. It wasn't just going to be so they'd have more time together. They'd already had that. </p><p>Jungeun tried to stamp down her irritation at that. It didn’t work. “I’m not.”</p><p>Everyone looked surprised except her mother. She was grateful she’d not expected that. That also meant her father hadn’t either. </p><p>“Did you have another job?” Pollux frowned. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I just have to get back,” she said. “Got goods I owe.” </p><p>“But you,” Reyna started. </p><p>She cut her off. “If you thought I’d stay long enough for them to come, you were wrong.” </p><p>She winced. </p><p>Jungeun regretted what she’d said, but not enough to take it back. </p><p>“But after that fight,” Pollux said, “didn’t the emotionals help you?” </p><p>Reyna had told him about it. She wondered who else had heard the details. </p><p>“Only thing I got was a little burst of energy,” Jungeun told him. “That’s all I need from one of them.” She pushed to her feet. “I need to go,” she said. “Before the weather actually gets bad.” She’d already felt the cold strengthen on the way back. </p><p>“You’re not sleeping again.” Reyna stood with her. Hurt flickered across her gaze with the words. "They can help you with the dreams." </p><p>“They’re not getting in my head,” Jungeun said sharply. </p><p>“You can’t just leave now.” Pollux was looking to her mother. As if that’d make a difference. </p><p>“She can,” Tea said, holding his gaze. “It’s not her work she’s getting repaid for.” She stood and walked over to her. “Let’s see your father before you leave.” She held the door for her. </p><p>Jungeun almost laughed at the shift. She said a quick farewell to the rest, looking away the second she met Reyna’s gaze. </p><p>Then they were out of there. It was just the early evening, but people were already looking tired. Jungeun still thought it was strange when she was back here. She’d be alert when few others were and more comfortable in the dark than any of them. </p><p>“You already said some of it, but how is the new Astran really?” Her mother squeezed her arm.</p><p>Jungeun was relieved they weren’t talking about what’d just happened. Her mother could read a room better than she ever could. She was always grateful when Thea also avoided those same subjects. At least until it became necessary to address it. She still had some time until then. </p><p>Still, she felt guilty for brushing the others off. She knew it was meant well, but she’d grown tired of telling them the same things. She didn’t need the fairies. </p><p>“She’s fitting in a lot better than I did,” Jungeun said. “I still don’t know what she’s gonna do there.” </p><p>“You really think she’ll go back to healing?” </p><p>She shrugged. “There’s a reason she stuck with it.” <em>And it wasn’t like mine</em>, she added silently. Jinsoul had found what she did best, as well as what she loved to do. Then she’d stuck to it. </p><p>“Does she respect the Astra enough to want to help them?” Thea peered down at her. “Or is she the type to start resenting them?” </p><p>“I think she already does,” Jungeun chuckled, “but I’m hoping that got a little less now.” </p><p>Her mother smiled slightly. “Is that why this visit is shorter?” </p><p>“Maybe,” she said. “She’s hard to read.” That felt like an understatement. She’d avoided saying a few things, opting instead to just tell people that Jinsoul was finding her place. There wasn’t a need to keep confidential about it, not when the news had spread this fast. </p><p>But Jungeun was confident Jinsoul would hate every piece of information that seeped into the ears of others. Luckily, people didn’t eavesdrop here as much as they did among the Astra. Most were too intoxicated to care. </p><p>They were just in front of her parents' home now. It was relatively big compared to the rest, but had a sloped ceiling that took away from the space. Jungeun hadn’t spent much time in it. It usually felt too cramped with three people. </p><p>“And what’s she like with you?” Thea asked. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t respond immediately. That question was almost too targeted. </p><p>“I think I knew more about this Jinsoul than you did,” she continued. “She probably didn’t take it very well when she realised you were the other Astra like her.” </p><p>Jungeun pushed the door open. “She wouldn’t want you to compare us much,” she said. “I’ll leave it at that.” She went to retrieve her things. Her father was sharpening her axe. “You don’t need to do that.” She took it from him, before gathering up the dagger and the sword. They’d also been sharpened, cleaned, and the hilts had been replaced. </p><p>Daran huffed out a laugh. “You’ve been using it the most,” he said. “And the body needs replacing. It’s charred.”</p><p>She just shook her head. “I just have to get Yeri to renew the enchantment.” She shouldered the knapsack, before retrieving the bag of goods she'd be getting to Yeri. </p><p>“What set you off?” her father asked, glancing once at Thea. </p><p>Jungeun grimaced. “The fairies.”</p><p>His mouth pressed into a line then. He nodded. </p><p>Jungeun felt a twinge of guilt. He’d also have been for her staying. </p><p>“But you’re alright?” Thea asked. “Reyna said you started healing?” </p><p>Jungeun sighed. “I didn’t start anything. One of the fairies said draining my magic would help, so I did that.” She hugged her mother. </p><p>When she pulled away and turned to her father, he was holding a slip of curled paper. It was practically translucent. Sent by a witch. </p><p>“You don’t have to take it,” he said. “But they wanted you to see it first.” </p><p>Jungeun almost told him to pass it to Reyna. Then her curiosity gets the best of her. </p><p>She’s a little underwhelmed when she sees what they’re sending her after. </p><p>“They’ll come here when it’s done,” Daran explained. “They’ll want to see you after.”</p><p>Jungeun raised a brow. “Poorly planned assassination?” </p><p>“We asked about them,” Thea said. “You haven’t gotten anyone they know, or even the people they’ve already worked with.” </p><p>It was rare, but that happened too. Jungeun was almost thankful. </p><p>“Then they’ve heard of me?” Jungeun suggested. “Or they’ll try to do something heroic for our world.” </p><p>Thea’s mouth turned downwards. “They won’t.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t tell her that she’d met a few like that, hoping to get themselves into a fairy or elf’s good graces. They treated it like there was a bounty on her head. </p><p>“I’ll do it,” she said instead. “We’ll see what happens.” She pocketed the message. It’d be such an easy thing. Maybe they didn’t even want it to be a challenge. “But I’m meeting them two towns over.” </p><p>“Alone?” It didn’t take much to see the protests forming in her father’s head. </p><p>“We’ll see,” Jungeun told him. <em>Probably</em>, she said in her head. </p><p>She bid her parents goodbye, before quickly leaving the camp. As much as she loved some of the others there, it’d gotten a lot easier to leave. </p><p>______</p><p>“Alone again?” </p><p>Jinsoul looked up to see Sooyoung raising a brow. </p><p>“You too?” It was weird seeing her without at least Jiwoo or Chaewon. She also felt slightly intimidated. Sooyoung hadn’t been very different with her since that last ‘discussion’ about the fire elf, but she hadn’t been very welcoming either. </p><p>“I met someone in town.” Sooyoung sat down. “The others went for a hunt.” </p><p>“Met someone?” </p><p>She smiled slightly. “For the start of the night.” </p><p>Jinsoul cringed. “I didn’t need to know that.” </p><p>“You asked!” Sooyoung laughed. “Come on, you’re old enough for that.” </p><p>Jinsoul threw a ball of moonlight at her. </p><p>It hovered in the air just in front of her face. Sooyoung grinned. “You’re getting better.” </p><p>“Thanks to Haseul,” she said. “She makes it all sound so easy.” She thought of their most recent training session. It'd been like normal. Haseul wasn't resentful either. “And then it is.”</p><p>She nodded. “She’s good at that too.” </p><p>“But how?” Jinsoul asked. “It’s different than how we learn our natural magic. It’s a different kind of intuition. How’d she figure it out?” </p><p>“She taught Yeojin and some others,” Sooyoung shrugged, “and then learned a lot while teaching Jungeun.” </p><p>“Does she have to take on so much?” </p><p>She shook her head. “Look at me, I don’t do half the things she does, but I’m older.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked for the flicker of guilt or shame, but she never saw it. There was only respect for the person they were talking about. </p><p>Why would Haseul be the one to take on those responsibilities? She didn’t do those things in full view of everyone. Half the time Jinsoul barely knew where she was going until a few days after. The elders didn’t seem to celebrate it much, but they tended to pull her into a lot of discussions at the same time. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she was crossing the line with her next question. “Did you want to be an elder?” </p><p>“I was born into it.” </p><p>“And that means you have to become one?” </p><p>“Haseul’s one of those people who wants this, and actually does it well,” Sooyoung replied. “And sometimes someone who doesn’t want it can do their job well.” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s not often, but that happens too.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded.</p><p>Sooyoung peered over at her. “Did you want to be a healer?” </p><p>She took the time to think about her reply. She had the time for it. Sooyoung also didn’t seem the type to hold something like that over her head. “I was both those people,” she said. “When it started, when I realised how I could help, I loved it.” </p><p>“And then you realised it was a life-long duty.” </p><p>“I didn’t mind that,” Jinsoul admitted. “Just like we sometimes have to realise we live extremely long lives, I knew I’d have to heal someone at least once every week, most of the time every day.” She leaned back, glancing up at the sky once. The river of stars could be seen just above them. “But I didn’t want to be the one who couldn’t save someone.” </p><p>“You didn’t want to fail,” Sooyoung said. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly said she was wrong, but she’d had that discussion before. She'd ended up losing it too. For years, she'd been torn between blaming herself and letting herself be free of blame. Neither reaction was the right one. “I didn't," she nodded, "and explaining how an immortal dies is like trying to describe how light has a shadow.” She thought of how many times she’d seen that now. “Because it exists, it happens, but it always sounds impossible.” </p><p>She just nodded. The understanding there made her realise that Sooyoung knew this better than she thought. Either through personal loss or having to be the one to say those words too. Or both. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t ask. She knew Sooyoung wouldn’t tell her. She also knew that Sooyoung had been one of the people to avenge a loved one. </p><p>“Did that change?” Sooyoung asked. “Did you go back to wanting to keep doing it?” </p><p>“I think always wanted to,” Jinsoul said. “But the worst days made me stop for a few years.” She ignored the faint flickers of pain. “And then I went back to it.” </p><p>The other elf was looking into the fire. “Let me guess, you don’t want to go back to it now, but you think you will.” </p><p>“I know I will,” Jinsoul admitted. “But not yet.” </p><p>“Then don’t,” she said. “Nuala didn’t have to be a healer. She had to be an elder, but she chose to be responsible for every single person here.” A pause. “But later, after she’d fought for us, and after she’d spent a few years learning from the mortals. Old medicine, but she kept one or two things.” </p><p>Jinsoul was almost relieved to hear that. The Astra were still like most in that they dismissed less ‘severe’ things, either colds or infection. But at least Nuala had had the experience of treating those things seriously, if not fully, then at least she’d seen it. Some people got detached from that. </p><p>“Do they know why you were in town,” Jinsoul started, “Jiwoo and the other two?"</p><p>Sooyoung looked at her for a long moment. “Yeah, why?” She sounded a bit defensive. </p><p>“Just asking,” she raised her hands, “someone I knew always made excuses. They were making rounds through the mortal villages.” She grimaced just thinking about it. “Imagine my surprise when I went to an inn and I heard the end of it.” </p><p>“Were they someone you knew?” Sooyoung asked. “Or,” she trailed off. </p><p>Jinsoul laughed. “One time, but after what I heard, never again.” </p><p>She was smiling, but her mind was somewhere else. “You wanna ask me about something, right?” </p><p>“Am I easy to read?”</p><p>Sooyoung smirked. “Yes.” </p><p>She held her gaze. “Is there something going on between you and Jiwoo?” </p><p>Her eyes closed off. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t need to know any more than that. “You don’t have to tell—“ </p><p>“It’s complicated,” Sooyoung cut her off. “I don’t even get it.” The mask thawed and doubt showed through. </p><p>“On whose side?” she asked, wondering why she’d actually tell her the truth. </p><p>“Both.” She pulled her knees up to her chest.  </p><p>And their group was still so close knit. Jiwoo and Sooyoung seemed to be in agreement most of they time. Sooyoung listened to Jiwoo as much as the latter did to her. Even in the midst of a fight, one of them usually ended up looking out for the other. </p><p>“I’m guessing you never talked about it.” </p><p>Sooyoung scoffed. “What do you think?” </p><p>“You never got close to it,” Jinsoul replied. She decided then she’d leave it at that. </p><p>She winced, before nodding once. “I guess I’m easy to read then too.” </p><p>Jinsoul was torn between asking her what the real reason was, but with how Sooyoung was staring at the ground, she probably didn’t want to keep talking about it. If she was completely honest, Jinsoul didn’t want to either. </p><p>“You know," Sooyoung said, drawing out the word, "Jiwoo was a lot more accepting when Jungeun came."</p><p>And now they were going back to that. Jinsoul didn’t hide her sigh. </p><p> “I still feel like shit when I think about it, but,” she chuckled, “you probably know what my view of her was, huh?”</p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. </p><p>“The whole elder thing,” Sooyoung was looking at the sky now, “it got me into a lot of meetings in the world, to trials too.” Then she smiled and met Jinsoul’s eyes. “By the way, I’m telling you this, because I’ve seen actual monsters. They don’t listen to the people they’ve wronged, let alone try to spare their lives. They don’t mourn the people they’ve had to kill, just because they tried their luck on her again.” The smile faded. “And even the people who aren’t evil, the ones I had to negotiate with, or people in this camp.” She glanced at the trees, her voice dropping slightly in volume. “I haven’t seen someone hang onto their mistakes as much as she does.”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s a good thing,” Jinsoul said. She thought of the times she’d seen that pained expression on Jungeun’s face. “I think it’s one of the reasons she ends up liking the people who try to kill her more than she does herself.” She had no idea if that was the right way to say that or not. </p><p>“You think she hates herself?” she asked. “I thought that too. We all did at some point.” </p><p><em>So what changed?</em> Jinsoul didn’t ask that. In the back of her mind, she was torn between thinking that Sooyoung’s view of Jungeun might’ve been different to hers, but she wasn’t sure if that was true either. The others were so defensive of Jungeun, maybe because they still felt ashamed of how they’d acted before? Maybe because now they thought they’d come to the ‘right conclusion’. </p><p>“There’re definitely days where she does,” Sooyoung said. “But I think it was worse in the beginning.” Once again, her expression grew sour. “I’ll never say this around her, because she’d kill me, but her people are a few prayers away from being zealots.”</p><p>“How so?” She knew they gave the sky more sentience than others, while also attributing fate to certain aspects of the world, including the stars, as well as parts of nature. Even though it was frightening, Jinsoul had seen that the seers were reliable with most of their warnings and predictions. </p><p>“Well,” her dark red eyes bore into the ground, “they’re not that bad, but a few of them are only now seeing that not every prediction they get has to be a guarantee.” She sighed, before shaking head. </p><p>“We’ll leave it at that?” Jinsoul asked. Haseul, Sooyoung, and Jiwoo seemed to have a lot to say about Jungeun. They usually ended up saying a lot in the beginning, before realising they’d given too much away. Then they started feeling guilty for revealing too much about her. </p><p>That in itself said a lot. They respected Jungeun and they’d accepted her completely as one of their own, but there was still a fair amount they either disagreed with, or just felt bad for. They <em>knew</em> Jungeun wasn’t in the best of places now and that a lot of it had to do with her past. They just let themselves put more value in the present than they did the future. </p><p>And they still wanted Jinsoul to do the same. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Jungeun and Jinsoul's stories will come together again soon. I'd planned for it to be in this chapter, but there were a few other things I needed to devote some more time to. I also wanted to give you a bit of a better idea of Jungeun's people before the Astra. It's definitely not complete, but it's a 'snippet'. </p><p>I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sometimes I brush over certain passages of time, mostly because I'm still trying to keep this story at an acceptable length, but also because those bits of the story aren't actually relevant to the main plot. </p><p>Jinsoul's character has turned out to be harder to write at certain parts, mostly because I both agree with her and don't in some other areas. Jungeun's is a mixed bag, because a lot of the time I can write her more easily than others, but there are some moments where her mindset is extremely difficult to pinpoint. </p><p>Regardless, I'd love to know your thoughts! I wish you happy holidays if you celebrate and hope you're healthy! </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. You're sick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jungeun breathed into her hands, wincing as she raised one of her arms. She let fire flow from her lips. She smiled as warmth engulfed her fingers, bringing some feeling back. She was still shivering. </p><p>She needed to have a careful balance with her magic. She’d put on the warmest clothes possible, but warmed the air around her too. If she concentrated on just that, she could keep her magic going for longer. </p><p>That it’d taken her years to realise that was disappointing. </p><p>Jungeun kept breathing out fire, trying her best to avoid setting fire to her coat. She hadn’t gotten the right enchantment on it yet. </p><p>She took the time to look around. It was a familiar path, but she hadn’t been here for a while. It went out a bit further than she’d wanted to for the past few months. She’d probably be back here next month. </p><p>She wondered if Jinsoul would be okay with a longer journey like that. She’d probably agree to it if she was going with someone else. </p><p>She didn't know if Jinsoul knew that she could visit home as well. She’d have to bring that up when she got back too. </p><p>Of the things to hope for, the main thing was that Jinsoul had found herself a better place among the Astra. She’d already been fitting into Sooyoung’s group, with both Hyejoo and Chaewon warming to her pretty quickly. The time they’d spent together hadn’t been long, but it’d probably have been effective. Hopefully constructive. </p><p>A gust of wind came and Jungeun shivered. Winter had come a bit later this year, but it was still just as strong. Except for the cold season, the seasons bled together for her. </p><p>It was only when the temperature dropped, snow usually with it, that Jungeun’s year slowed. She had to be conscious about her magic and if she was warm enough. It’d been a disaster in the beginning, with Jungeun trying and failing not to get sick. That’d been followed by people using the season as an opportunity to come after her. She’d had close calls because she’d either lost her magic, or been too weak because of it. </p><p>That’d been the main reason why she’d had to train her other abilities. Fire was powerful, but it was vulnerable to a lot of other factors. Lack of air, water, and the cold could all be used against her. Her father had made it a priority for her to be able to fight just as well without it as she could with it. </p><p>It’d taken ten years for people to realise that the winter didn’t mean they had an opportunity to beat her. It just meant they had a slightly better chance, but even that was slim. </p><p>After that, she'd just had to deal with the usual opportunists. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. She’d already dealt with two. She’d checked if anyone else was coming and she was almost certain no one else was. She hoped not. </p><p>She was still nursing her arm since she finished that contract. It’d been on a warlock. She’d tracked down another warlock, as well as a witch to make sure she wasn’t killing some reckless youth. Her target had been trying to tap into the emotions of humans. He’d managed to drive at least ten insane. </p><p>Jungeun had wondered if this was indirectly a job from the emotional fae and the witches were making her do it for them. They’d meet with her to know the details, or get the proof. </p><p>She didn’t exactly have a problem with it. She just wasn’t sure why she’d had to get involved in the first place. </p><p>As expected, it’d been easy. After properly seeing what he’d done, it’d been even easier to ignore his terror. He’d heard of her too. She wondered how that’d even come about. Sometimes witches were completely oblivious to their existence. Other times, they knew almost too much about elves and fairies. </p><p>Jungeun pushed the thoughts of the contract from her mind. She had at least a month until she had to actually close it. </p><p>She had a feeling she’d be weaker for a few weeks. She needed to get used to the cold again. After that, she’d meet with the witches. </p><p>Now, she just had to focus on getting back. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul nearly had a heart attack when Jiwoo screeched something incoherent. It was almost impossible for that to happen, but it’d happened once. She’d had a hard time healing it properly. </p><p>“A WARNING WOULD’VE BEEN NICE,” Jiwoo sprinted away from all of them, “you know the rune for messages!” Her voice had lowered to something tolerable, but it was still sharp on the ears. </p><p>A very familiar laugh came from the distance, but it sounded stuffy. “I thought it’d be a nice surprise.”</p><p>Then Hyejoo and Chaewon started grinning. Still, they looked equally as shocked as Sooyoung did. </p><p>Jinsoul went with them as they jogged to where Jiwoo had gone. </p><p>“It’s great,” Jiwoo laughed, “but I was getting ready to miss you for a lot longer.” She was still hugging the person. They glowed in the night, but not as bright as the rest. </p><p>Jungeun was smiling, but she was holding one of her arms above Jiwoo's. Her eyes weren’t as vivid as they usually were. Her hair was longer, her skin a bit more sun-kissed too. Jinsoul had found herself getting a lot paler now that she was supposed to be nocturnal. </p><p>It was strange to see her again. </p><p>“Did something happen?” Sooyoung asked. She pulled Jungeun in for a hug after Jiwoo finally let go. </p><p>”Had something I needed to get back to Yeri,” she replied. “And I thought I’d come back a little earlier.” Her voice sounded slightly rough. </p><p>“A little?” Chaewon repeated, not waiting for Sooyoung to let go before she joined that hug as well. “You’re almost a year early.” </p><p>Jungeun scoffed. “Even if I was gonna be later, it’d never have been a year.” She patted her back before pulling away. She sniffed, before wiping her eyes. “Am I interrupting a patrol?” She looked between them. Her eyes met Jinsoul’s once. They really were dimmer. They looked bit bleary too. Maybe she was just exhausted. Jinsoul had seen the others be extremely drained, but their eyes had never looked like that. </p><p>“We’re coming back from one,” Hyejoo said, taking one of the bags. “You’re wearing <em>that</em> again?” </p><p>Jinsoul noticed then that Jungeun was wearing a heavily padded coat. She’d wrapped soft leather around her neck as well. There was a hood, but she’d pushed it back. Her hands were covered too. Most of their kind were able to withstand cold temperatures with simple coats. Few ever went as far as that. </p><p>Then again, Jungeun's magic was tied to warmth too. Of course she'd be vulnerable to the cold. </p><p>Jungeun coughed. It sounded a bit strained. “Yes, I’m wearing that. It’s <em>winter</em>.” </p><p>“And?” Chaewon raised a brow. “You don’t see us wearing something that looks—”</p><p>“We’ve been over this,” Jungeun elbowed her, “this’s the best thing I’ve ever worn, but it’s also hideous.” She whacked her with one of the gloves. “Try going to the mountains without gear and you’ll beg me for this coat.”</p><p>Chaewon looked like she was close to starting another wrestling round. </p><p>Then Jungeun coughed again. She covered her mouth, but Jinsoul heard exactly what was wrong there. </p><p>“You’re sick,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “Always happens when autumn shifts.” Then she sneezed, wincing slightly. </p><p>Sooyoung and Jiwoo were already walking back. Hyejoo was tugging Chaewon to follow them. They were having a silent conversation—almost an argument. It looked like Hyejoo won it when she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, picking her up off the ground for a few metres. Chaewon laughed and did the same. </p><p>Jungeun lingered, looking at one of her bags. “I need to get this to Yeri.” She looked back in the direction of town. </p><p>Jinsoul looked at it. Then she picked up on how Jungeun’s breathing was starting to sound like a wheeze. It was slow. “You’re not going.” She plucked it from her hand. </p><p>She looked at her, dull red eyes filling with confusion. “What?” Her heart rate was also too slow.</p><p>“Did you walk all the way here?” Jinsoul reached out and pinched her hand. Hard. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t flinch. She just frowned, looking from her hand to Jinsoul. “Yeah?" A pause. "Why'd you do that?" </p><p>She couldn’t help but sigh. “How long have you been feeling sick?” </p><p>“Just a few days?” </p><p>She pushed her in the direction of camp. Jungeun stumbled. Jinsoul steadied her. </p><p>“You’re too cold,” she muttered. She gave her a waterskin. “Warm that up and drink it.” </p><p>Jungeun did what she said, still looking very confused. How she was even standing was a mystery in and of itself. </p><p>Jinsoul lifted a hand to her neck, only to find the skin was freezing. “Do you have a routine for how to handle this?”</p><p>Someone called from ahead. “Keep it up until she collapses!” It was Hyejoo. </p><p>“Then repeat,” Chaewon added. </p><p>“Can you use your magic?” Jinsoul felt like she had in the beginning with her people. They’d all been so stubborn. The worst of them had been willing to go in for a fight after almost drowning in the ocean. </p><p>“Haven’t been able to since this morning,” Jungeun replied. "Why'd you pinch me?"</p><p>Jinsoul nearly shook her. “Your body might shut down any minute,” she said. "I pinched you to see if you could still feel pain." </p><p>The fire elf just looked at her, an eyebrow raised. She looked at a loss. Clearly, that fact didn’t bother her. </p><p>Jinsoul kept pushing her to camp. “I’ll take that sack to Yeri. You’ll sit right by a fire and then eat and drink something hot.” </p><p>“Jinsoul, this isn’t that serious,” she was saying, “I’ve had this—”</p><p>“Do you want to be sick for a month?” Jinsoul asked. “Because if not, you’ll listen to what I say.”</p><p>She started making a list for what she needed to do. It was nice making a plan like this again. She hadn't needed to do this in a few years. Most of her people had learned how to avoid getting badly sick. </p><p>The Astra probably had yet to learn that. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul rubbed her hands together. The blood was slowly coming back to her fingers. </p><p>“She’s never come to me for this,” Yeri said. “I didn’t even know you people could get sick.” </p><p>“No one expects it,” Jinsoul replied. “And even if they do, they’ll just keep going, because they know they’ll recover from whatever damage they do.” It wasn’t healthy or enjoyable, but in a month’s time, no one would remember they’d been sick. </p><p>The witch chuckled. “Sounds familiar.” </p><p>Jinsoul put the bag onto one of the chairs. “This’s from her little adventure, or whatever it was.” The bag was strangely cool. She’d strapped it to her elbow to avoid getting too cold because of it. “She said to tell you it’s fresh.”</p><p>Yeri tapped it. “Wow.” Her face broke into a grin. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Yeri opened it. She found herself leaning forward as well, wanting to see what it was. </p><p>Yeri pulled out several jars, along with a net with fruit in it. Some of them were ones she’d only seen rarely, but the others were more common. </p><p>“What is it?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Extracts from plants I can’t grow here, let alone summon with the right potency.” Yeri grinned as she held up one of them. “And fruits that only taste as good because I know they were hauled all the way over here.” She caught Jinsoul’s eye. “What, underwhelming?” </p><p>“A bit.” She paused. “No offence?” </p><p>Yeri smiled. “She was surprised when I asked for it.” She tapped one of the jars. “But they’re honestly amazing.” She resumed the spell. “I can use these to make potions that let me see in the dark, breathe underwater, or put someone into the best mood they’ve ever been in.”</p><p>“Is it easy to make those?” </p><p>“Depends.” Yeri shrugged. </p><p>“And the one for water-breathing?” She didn’t know those existed. It was slightly worrying. </p><p>“Uh,” she glanced up, “it’s in the middle.” </p><p>“Really?” Jinsoul picked up a jar. “Do a lot of people use it?” She wondered what the Arcsa below the surface thought of that sort of thing. It was a risk for an attack. A foolish one, because few could even stand a chance against the Arcsa in their element, but still a risk. </p><p>“No,” the witch shook her head, “it’s painful and all it does it let you breath. You can’t swim better or anything else.” </p><p>“You’ve tried?” Jinsoul felt herself start to smile. </p><p>“‘Course.” Yeri chuckled. “But the only time I’ve ever used it is to find the ingredients and creatures I need.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. </p><p>Yeri was surrounded by several pots. The only way to get anything to grow in this winter. Jinsoul might’ve been able to do it, but she still hadn’t mastered the spell. And she knew the properties of the plants she summoned would be too weak. That’d been the main reason she’d come. </p><p>And then Jungeun had passed her the bag of ingredients and fruit, telling her that Yeri would want them soon. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure if Yeri was all that interested in them, but she had smiled pretty brightly. Maybe Jungeun hadn’t quite bothered to learn what Yeri needed it all for. </p><p>“But your kind don’t die from a sickness like that,” Yeri frowned slightly, “is this really that necessary?”</p><p>Jinsoul nearly replied with <em>of course</em>, before she bit the response back. “No,” she said. “But being sick for longer than you should is foolish.” She'd had year-long debates with her people to actually accept someone <em>resting</em> when they got sick. </p><p>She shrugged. “I get that.” </p><p>The only sounds that came then were the lazy crackling of the fire, the slow bubbling of a potion somewhere else in the house, and the easy breaths of those cats. Jinsoul hadn’t seen them the last time she’d been here. Probably new additions. </p><p>“What’ll you want for this?” Jinsoul asked. “Money, a favour in the next months, or help?”</p><p>Yeri just smiled, as if she knew something Jinsoul didn’t. “Nothing.” She squinted at one of the pots, before nodding to herself. “I mean that.” </p><p>“Nothing,” she repeated. “This magic takes a lot out of you. I know that.”</p><p>“I know you do,” the witch replied. “But this isn’t a favour, it’s a gift.” </p><p>Jinsoul knew she was frowning. Yeri laughed the moment she spotted it. The eucalyptus plant began to properly sprout then. </p><p>“I’m serious, Jinsoul.” She smiled. “And with this being for Jungeun, it’s another thing I can shave off of what I owe her.” </p><p>“Owe her?” Jinsoul asked. She remembered very vividly how Jungeun had been coming to Yeri for work, as well as giving her different payments. “Does she know you’re in her debt?” She sent a pointed look at the jars on the table. “She was going to walk here, freezing, just to give you those.”</p><p>Yeri snorted. “‘Course she would. If you asked her, I’d owe her nothing.”</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>The witch sobered. The flowers were the next to bloom. </p><p>“Did she save your life?” </p><p>A short laugh. “I mean, yeah,” Yeri said. “But that wasn’t the main thing.” </p><p>Jinsoul waited. The next plant was emerging from the dirt. It was starting to smell very strongly of eucalyptus. </p><p>“What did she tell you?”</p><p>Jinsoul wracked her brain for when she’d first met the witch. “You were involved with necromancy once?” </p><p>Yeri sighed. “That’s an understatement,” she muttered. “My entire coven was devoted to it. My grandparents managed to make their own breed of vampire, even turning themselves.” She shook her head. “And they ended up killing one of their kids, draining a bunch of others, before some other blood-suckers ended them.” </p><p>There was very clearly shame on her face. She also sounded angry. Jinsoul wondered if she’d actually seen those sorts of vampires. If she’d fought them. </p><p>“My parents weren’t that much better. They were trying to cure vampirism,” Yeri grimaced, “but most vampires don’t want to be turned back.” She sighed. “Then you have me. I helped them with both,” she grit her teeth, “and when the time comes, the one where we’re supposed to get whatever retribution we’re owed, she’s there. With my mentor.” </p><p>“How did they know?” </p><p>Yeri chuckled, but it wasn’t filled with humour. “What we were doing, it wasn’t as if it was all in secret.” She looked to Jinsoul, the shame still painfully clear. “We got others involved, they either got us the vampires or helped us with the magic. And if what I’m hearing’s right, you moon-folk can spot necromancy pretty clearly.” She shrugged. “Dark magic like that affects spirits too. Either making them meaner, stronger, or both.” </p><p>That meant the spirits were more closely tied to nature than Jinsoul had thought. If there were disruptions to the natural order, that affected the balance between the malevolent and benevolent spirits too. Just like more death, either caused through battle or some other disaster, called to the spirits. It probably made more of them too. </p><p>“They got my father and one of my brothers,” Yeri explained. “Didn’t even bite him, because they didn't want him to have the option to turn himself back.” The haunted look in her eyes meant she’d seen it. “But they managed to save my mother, brother, and sisters too.” </p><p>“And the vampires?” Jinsoul asked. They’d wanted to stop what Yeri’s family had been doing to their kind. Had they died for that?</p><p>“One of them died,” she said. “She’d left me with this.” Yeri lifted her shirt a bit. There were long scars across her side and up to her ribs. “Jungeun didn’t let her kill me.” She swallowed once, lowering the shirt again. “My mother was brought to the coven in the north to be judged. They executed her.” </p><p>“And the rest of your family?”</p><p>“Split up among the covens,” Yeri said, a distant look in her eyes. “We’re still allowed to see each other, but they didn’t want us to be raised together.” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said. The witch must’ve been young. She was <em>still</em> relatively young. And lonely, stuck here while the rest of her family was elsewhere. </p><p>She shook her head. “It’s for the best. We thought what we were doing was <em>right</em>.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t know what to say to that. There probably wasn’t anything she <em>could</em> say. </p><p>“But what Jungeun did was more than save my life,” Yeri continued. “She and the witch who’d seen what was happening—they were the only ones who were arguing to give us a second chance.” She closed her eyes. “I’m not sure if they were going to kill us. I still don’t think they were going to, but they would’ve left us to the covens, we—we wouldn’t have stood a chance.” </p><p>“They were the only ones?” Jinsoul frowned. “You were just trying to help your family.” </p><p>She gave her a sad smile. “But I helped to make abominations, then I helped to take away eternity from people who didn’t want to leave it.” </p><p>“But were you going to turn against your family?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Even though I wish I would’ve, no.” Yeri shook her head. “But that’s why I owe her,” she said. “She’s the reason I’m here, and the reason why you even know me in the first place.” The final plant rose almost to the ceiling. “If it were up to anyone else, no one would’ve even tried to work with me, let alone for me.” </p><p>“Do people not know the full story then?” </p><p>“Oh they do,” the witch said. “But they still don’t hate me,” she shrugged, “I always thought it was the way they told the story.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. Did Yeri really think she deserved to be vilified for what her family had done? Even if she’d helped them, you couldn’t always choose to <em>not</em> stand by your family. </p><p>“But anyway,” Yeri was picking off leaves and putting them into small bundles, “make sure she knows you didn’t have to give me anything for this.” </p><p>“When’s the debt repaid?” Jinsoul asked. “How do favours you don’t need to repay, well,” she trailed off. </p><p>“They don’t.” She handed her several of the bundles. “But don’t tell her that. She wouldn’t accept half the things I do.” She looked saddened at that. </p><p>Jinsoul didn't know what to make of that, so she just accepted the herbs. “Thank you,” she said. “I hope that didn’t take too much out of you.” </p><p>The witch shook her head. “It’s almost time for bed, anyway.” Then she frowned. “Speaking of, are you sure you want to go out there tonight?” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Night is where I’m supposed to thrive, remember?” </p><p>“You came in shivering,” Yeri replied. Then she went over to the fire, whispered something and then came back. She held a torch. “This’ll last long enough for the walk back. Might even be warmer than light.”</p><p>Jinsoul took it. It’d only taken a glimpse into her past, but she saw Yeri differently now. She wasn’t sure if her impish behaviour was avoidance of her past, or showed her strength to overcome it. It might’ve even been both. That was usually the case. </p><p>“Thank you,” she said. “But you should take this too.” She held out a piece of light. “I know it’s not as potent, but it’s something.” </p><p>Yeri looked at it for a long time. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed it into her hands. “Take it for my conscience.” </p><p>She laughed softly. This time it had some warmth to it. “Okay. Just as long as you tell me why.” </p><p>“Why what?”</p><p>“Why’d you come here for this?” Yeri asked. “From what I’m hearing, you don’t exactly like her.” She looked like she didn’t believe that. </p><p>Jinsoul ignored what that suggested. “It’s an infection,” she said. “Nothing she should be keeping, especially if it comes every winter.” And if this was the first time Jungeun ever got something like that healed, then she’d spent <em>years</em> with an annual sickness. </p><p>“She’ll recover quick. She always does.” She went to the boiling cauldron. “And she probably doesn’t let being ill stop her from doing much, right?” </p><p>Jinsoul doubted that she ever would. </p><p>The actual question still hung in the air. </p><p>
  <em>Why are you doing this for Jungeun?</em>
</p><p>Jinsoul almost didn’t answer that, but it felt wrong to not answer the question. Especially when Yeri had told her much more than she’d needed to. </p><p>“I guess I owe her something too,” Jinsoul finally said. She then turned away. “Thanks.” She went to the door, not wanting to stray into whatever conversation they might’ve had. </p><p>It was freezing when she came out. And the wind was starting to pick up. Jinsoul held the torch a bit closer to her. When the wind eased, it warmed her face some. The fire reminded her of someone else’s eyes, despite it being very far from red. </p><p>She silently cursed the winter for bringing what it had. Then she broke into a jog, melting the snow along her path so she wouldn’t slip. But even then, it didn’t always work. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered why Jungeun didn’t go somewhere else when winter came. It was simple enough for them to go somewhere with the opposite season. She’d avoid getting ill. She’d avoid the cold that she probably hated. </p><p>And Jinsoul wouldn’t have to feel her hair slowly freeze as she made her way back to her. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun sneezed. It hurt her head. She groaned. </p><p>Then someone came in. “You know, I've actually seen a lot of elves get sick. I think I treated a fairy once, because they'd tried to test the limits of their cold resistance." </p><p>Jinsoul had snow along the top of her head and her shoulders. Her nose was ever so slightly pink. </p><p>Jungeun looked away. She wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that she’d missed her. That definitely wasn’t reciprocated. </p><p>“She’s got whatever that delivery was supposed to be.” Jinsoul drew a bundle of cloth out of a bag. “But Yeri managed to summon some decent herbs too.” </p><p>“Herbs?” Jungeun repeated. </p><p>“Good for teas,” Jinsoul explained, “ointments too.” She set the cloth down on the small table, unrolling it. “Do you feel worse or better?” </p><p>She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to answer that honestly. </p><p>“You look worse.” </p><p>Jungeun held back a laugh. Then she coughed. “Thanks.” </p><p>The corner of her lip quirked up. Jungeun almost felt proud for bringing it to the surface. “The first thing you’ll get is eucalyptus mist.” </p><p>“Me?” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned at her. “What did you think these were for?” </p><p>“Tea?” Jungeun suggested. “It’s winter.” She tried not to think about the flicker of warmth that settled in her chest. </p><p>She just shook her head, siphoning away the water from her cloak before taking it off. “If you get sick like a mortal, you need to be treated like one too.” </p><p>Jungeun felt stunned in that moment. Jinsoul had gone to get something. For her? </p><p>“I don’t need it,” she said. “I get sick every year. It’s fine.” </p><p>“How long’re you sick for every year?” Jinsoul raised a brow. </p><p>“It depends,” Jungeun shrugged, “sometimes a week. Sometimes more.” </p><p>There was a long sigh. Jinsoul was mashing a set of leaves in a mortar and pestle, both made of moonlight. </p><p>Jungeun nearly wanted to tell her she didn’t need to crush the plants anymore, but thought better of it. </p><p>Briefly, she debated raising the topic of home. She thought against it when Jinsoul kept crushing the plants. </p><p>“Every single immortal being I’ve met has been just like this,” Jinsoul muttered. “You think that because it doesn’t kill you, any sickness shouldn’t be treated.” Then she sent her a sharp look. “And I’m pretty sure that even if you’re sick for a month, you do everything you’d do if you’re healthy?”</p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply. This wasn’t quite the Jinsoul she’d expected once she came back. Then again, she didn’t know her that well. Her people had also seemed to sorely regret the idea of Jinsoul having to leave. </p><p>Maybe it’d been because she’d tended to just about any ailment. Or maybe there was another side to her that Jungeun had yet to see. She’d have to see if any of the others had seen it. Probably. Some people tended to change slightly once they felt comfortable where they were. That didn't mean they liked it, but it was some sort of progress. </p><p>Jinsoul sighed again. She uncapped the waterskin and poured it into the bowl. “That’s why you’re sick longer than a week.” She came over to her. A short column of steam formed over the bowl. “Put your face over it, make sure you can breathe it in.” </p><p>Jungeun did as she was told. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to even ask about how necessary this was. Jinsoul had a very specific tone in her voice, one that wasn’t filled with bite, but it wasn’t one Jungeun felt like questioning. Was this how she’d talked to the people she’d healed? Was this how she <em>would</em>be talking to others? </p><p>She imagined they’d all listened. </p><p>The water began to evaporate, the slightly sharp smelling vapour reaching her nose. </p><p>“And you’re going to do this until I tell you it’s enough.” </p><p>Jungeun hummed. Then she coughed. It tugged at her lungs more painfully than it had before. Whatever she had, it usually started slowly, then it got worse a lot faster. </p><p>“Did your healers never tell you to rest?” </p><p>She also didn’t know how to respond to that. She’d trained when freezing, ill, or weighed down by any other potential weakness. She’d needed to be able to handle any situation. She wasn’t sure if that was what Jinsoul would want to hear. </p><p>“Nuala?” Jinsoul sounded slightly hopeful. </p><p>“If it got really bad, I was kept here.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her. It was more than a little intimidating. “I don’t even want to know what really bad was.”</p><p>Jungeun chuckled. <em>You really don’t</em>, she thought. </p><p>“I’m having a talk with that woman,” she muttered. There were more sounds of shuffling, as well as the mashing of herbs. “You probably have some large idiotic rotation when a few of you cut yourself on a stray rock or get a bad blister.” </p><p>“Well,” Jungeun started, “it’s usually because we end up spending resources we need for other things.”</p><p>“One resource you’re losing is time,” Jinsoul said sharply. “And it lets people feel terrible for a lot longer than they should be.” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t say anything to that either. Jinsoul was able to do that a lot: make something make so much sense that you felt stupid by even questioning it. She didn’t exactly do it in a condescending way. Some fairies could be incredibly patronising and it infuriated most people to no end. </p><p>“You’re right,” Jungeun said instead, “but good luck convincing people they need to be healed for illnesses.” </p><p>A short pause, filled only by the sounds of Jinsoul making whatever herbs she’d gotten. </p><p>“Is the only reason you’re going along with this, because you’re exhausted?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p><em>Not quite</em>. Jungeun just hummed in response. Her breaths were already starting to feel easier. And the scent of eucalyptus wasn’t all that bad. </p><p>“Okay.” Jinsoul was a lot closer now. “Drink this next.” </p><p>Jungeun drew away from the bowl. Her entire face felt cool from the vapour that still clung to it. </p><p>In the next moment, it vanished from her skin. </p><p>“Was that you?” Junguen asked as she took the cup. Inside was a dark brown liquid. It smelled like earth. </p><p>“Want it back?” Above Jinsoul’s hand was a droplet of water the size of her thumb. </p><p>Jungeun fought a smile and shook her head. Something she wanted to see more of was Jinsoul’s magic. It fascinated her to no end. And Jinsoul had an interesting love for it too. She wanted to know exactly <em>how</em> it worked and not always how she could use it to her own advantage. That was something Jungeun had rarely seen in a person. She’d also never been the person to look for such a thing in her own magic. She wished she was. </p><p>She drank from the cup and nearly spat it out. She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed the first part, gagging. </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul said, a hint of amusement there. “It's terrible.” </p><p>“Do I have to drink it slowly?” Jungeun asked. She peeked out of one eye. </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. Her eyes were still a bit brighter than earlier. </p><p>So Jungeun downed the rest, holding in her disgust. “Is there more?” </p><p>“For tomorrow,” she replied. “A few days of this and you’ll be better a lot sooner than without it.” Then she took the cup from her. “And you can’t do anything like walking for a longer distance, let alone anything close to training.” </p><p>Jungeun stared at her. “What?” </p><p>Jinsoul held her gaze. “You have a lung infection,” she said. “We don’t get permanent damage, but if you keep doing what you usually do, you’ll have a month of getting tired really easily. Maybe more." </p><p>“I’ve had these before,” she countered. “And it’s always been fine.” </p><p>“Key word is fine,” Jinsoul shot back. “It’s not like you’ll be able to do much if you’re tired after a minute of running.” </p><p>Again, Jungeun wanted to tell her that she knew how to work around that. Not only was she capable of working against that, but the moonlight helped that too. </p><p>But she knew she’d just dig herself a hole by opening that discussion up. </p><p>She also didn’t want to ruin whatever strange peace they’d found for tonight. She wished she could know why Jinsoul had even bothered to help her, but she didn’t dare ask. Especially after she’d been gone. Maybe something had happened with the rest. Jungeun had no idea. </p><p>Then again, it was probably in Jinsoul’s nature. She’d healed other people she’d barely known, just because they’d needed her help. And here, it didn’t matter that Jinsoul disagreed with almost everything Jungeun stood for, but that she was sick. Jinsoul was able to separate that and still help, even if healing an illness or infection wasn’t necessary at all. </p><p>Jungeun looked away, a strange ache starting to settle in her chest. </p><p>“Thanks,” Jungeun said. "For," she nodded at the cup, "all this."</p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. She looked a bit distracted, looking down at the cup. By the way her brow furrowed, she was thinking through something. Was she weighing the merits of healing Jungeun? </p><p>“I haven’t yet,” Jinsoul said quietly, “but I might learn how Nuala heals with the light.” Her mouth pressed into a line and she went back to the table. There was a bowl of water. It started steaming. </p><p>Jungeun tried to hide her surprise. “Really?” </p><p>She nodded. “We went on some hunts—tasks,” she frowned, “whatever you call them.” Two cups of moonlight appeared. She’d gotten better at shaping the moonlight. “Apparently you don’t have healers that actually go <em>with</em> you?” </p><p>“Only on really risky missions,” Jungeun said. “If a seer sees it could go really wrong, then you get one.” </p><p>Jinsoul turned around, her frown deepening. “That’s stupid.” </p><p>She chuckled. “We can’t exactly risk losing one of our healers. It takes a while to perfect that magic.” She couldn’t help but think of how much her head had hurt after healing those fairies. She nearly asked Jinsoul about it, but she thought better of it. If Jinsoul asked her why she wanted to know, or <em>how</em> she even knew healing hurt—that'd just lead to a conversation she wasn't sure either of them wanted.</p><p>Jinsoul was pouring the boiling water into the two cups. There was a semi-mess with different leaves, as well as smears of green and brown. </p><p>“What did Yeri want for that?” Jungeun asked, getting to her feet. She still felt lightheaded. </p><p>Jinsoul looked up. “Sit down.” </p><p>She sat. </p><p>The blue-eyed elf nodded once. “She didn’t want anything. Said this was one of the many favours she owed you.” There was a clear question in her eyes. “And I guess what you gave her was enough too?”</p><p>Jungeun fought a sigh. She wanted to say there was nothing to be owed, but it’d only lead to questions. And if that story was ever going to be told, Yeri would be the one to say it. </p><p>“I did a trip to the southern part of the world,” Jungeun said. “Not only do they have plants and all that, but they’ve also got stuff you only get there.” </p><p>“All that way for a few jars and fruit?” Jinsoul asked. She came back with both cups. She pressed on into Jungeun’s hand. </p><p>She laughed. “She didn’t tell you the benefits?”</p><p>“She did,” Jinsoul replied. “But that’s a long trip to settle a small debt.” </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “Not if you use the earth.” She took a sip of the tea. It was minty and almost a bit spicy. She drank a bit more. </p><p>They sat in silence. Jungeun found herself wanting to fill it, but she didn’t know how to ask about what she’d missed without making things really odd really quickly. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun was shifting around too much. Jinsoul wondered if it was because she was tired, but she’d started fidgeting too. The cup of tea had helped give her hands something to do, but it wasn’t perfect. She didn’t exactly do that when she spoke. </p><p>“Where else did you go?” Jinsoul asked. She actually wanted to ask her if someone had tried to hunt her down. The chances of it happening were high, probably even higher since Jungeun got weaker in the winter. The only thing that stopped her was how Jungeun had looked after that initial attack. She didn't want to see that here. </p><p>Clearly, the question caught her off guard. Confusion seeped into her expression. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if that meant anything. “I mean, you said you took the earth, but you were clearly walking for a while.” </p><p>Jungeun looked away. “Someone I knew needed help with a few contracts,” she said. “My people told me and sent me over.” </p><p>“Contracts?” </p><p>The corner of her mouth tugged downwards. </p><p>“First one was getting some fairies out of captivity.” Jungeun shrugged. “What they hoped they’d get from it, we don’t know.” </p><p>By the way her expression shuttered, Jinsoul knew why. With the vampires, it’d almost been like some favour, but no one had called it a contract. </p><p>“Second one was a werewolf they were hunting. I just had to restrain it.” Jungeun tapped the edge of her cup. </p><p>That wasn’t unusual, just like some people hired healers for help, or requested the aid of fairies, they also wanted assassins, or something very close to mercenaries. Sometimes the lines between those weren’t exactly distinct. She wondered where the work Jungeun did fell there. Clearly, she hadn’t stopped either. </p><p>“And the third was part of some investigation, I think. I didn’t have to interrogate, someone was else was there for it.” Then something flashed across her expression. Disgust. At herself or the investigation? It vanished. “I think they gave us a loose end.” </p><p>“You think?” </p><p>Jungeun looked away. “It was one of those things you don’t question.” </p><p>“I don’t really know what ‘one of those things’ means,” Jinsoul said. Killing without distinction, without really knowing why—she wasn’t sure if that was worse than targeted cruelty or not. </p><p>She didn’t say anything, but that guilt was showing through. Yet she’d still done it. </p><p>“You’ve heard of my people before, haven’t you?” Jungeun asked then. “Not just what I’ve done.” </p><p>“Enough to know you’ve fought the most battles.” <em>And ended the most lives</em>. </p><p>Jungeun opened her mouth, then she closed it. “We have. So some hire the most skilled. Either they send us to intervene with something happening in the mountains, or to take out something else.” </p><p>Jinsoul took that in. They were hired hands, at least some of them. And when they weren’t, they fought. That particular group of Crosa might’ve had the fewest amount who’d splintered away, but their pasts were the most violent. Jungeun stood out among them, along with a select few, whose names were also known. </p><p>“So there’s certain people who’re always sent in for that?” Jinsoul asked. “And then they brought you in, because the person they’d already taken needed you?” <em>Or did you want the job?</em> </p><p>“One of ours couldn’t,” Jungeun said. “So Reyna was alone for those. And,” she bit her lip, “those kind of things aren’t usually done alone.” </p><p>Jinsoul found that more than slightly ironic. Jungeun went out on her own repeatedly and she wasn’t exactly <em>avoiding</em> any ambushes. Was it hypocrisy or was Jungeun just able to survive on her own better than the rest? </p><p>“Are there any jobs you don’t take?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Ones that take me to freezing places,” she replied. “And stuff with mental fae.” </p><p>Jinsoul was about to ask why when she beat her to it. </p><p>“My head’s an easy target,” Jungeun said. She didn’t explain.</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t ask. She remembered what she’d seen after one of Jungeun's nightmares. A chill ran down her spine. There were probably more memories like that. </p><p>And Jungeun hadn’t gotten rid of them. Some did, or they had a mental fae seal them off. That sometimes worked, other times it made things worse. </p><p>The fire elf’s gaze was distant now. </p><p>Jinsoul opted to change the subject. The sleeping agent she’d worked in took a little time to kick in. “So how does that all work afterwards? Do you get the payment or the person you worked with. Was her name Reyna?” The name wasn’t familiar. </p><p>Jungeun nodded, before she got out of her head. “They handle all that,” she replied. “But it’s usually just to compensate on what we’re lacking at that point in time.” </p><p>“Which is?” Jinsoul wondered if she was going too far, but Jungeun wasn’t acting as if it was getting too much. At least not yet. </p><p>“Sometimes it’s money, mostly the mortal kind,” she laughed slightly, “we end up spending too much.” </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure how much money the fae even had, let alone if they ever needed it. They came to the mortals if there was a pressing need, but even then it was only a select few who left their clans. Most didn’t see the need to watch how the mortal world developed, while others wanted to avoid exposure to other threats as much as possible. The fae weren’t always the strongest, even if their magic was often the most intricate. </p><p>And she spotted a slight waver in Jungeun’s expression. That meant money wasn’t all they were getting. </p><p>“What about your arm?” Jinsoul had drawn the rune before she’d left. She drew it again now. </p><p>“That was for the fourth job,” Jungeun replied. “Had a warlock.” She watched the rune glow, before fading. “He broke the minds of mortals, trying to recreate the magic of the emotional fae.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “So who sent you after him?” The fae usually liked to go after those sorts of people themselves. “Did the fae come to you as well?”</p><p>She shook her head. “They did for that first one, but otherwise they don’t,” she said. “This was sent by witches.” She pulled out a transparent slip of parchment. She gave it to her. </p><p>On it was the town and a short description. Underneath, in a slightly different scrawl was: </p><p>
  <em>Don’t stop for discussion. No need for discretion or imprisonment. Kill him. </em>
</p><p>Jinsoul felt a distinct sense of wrong then. "They don't give you a reason?" </p><p>Jungeun looked down at her hands. </p><p>"You don't need one?" Even as she asked it, she realised that Jungeun did know the reason. She didn't ask her how. </p><p>"Not usually," Jungeun said. "Most of the time we don't need it." </p><p>"Is it better that way?" Jinsoul could already feel that she was pushing her again. She'd leave that as the last question. </p><p>
  <em>I'm telling you this, because I've seen actual monsters. </em>
</p><p>Sooyoung's words came back to her. Those of the rest joined too. The constant emphasis that Jungeun saw this as her <em>duty</em>. </p><p>And at the same time, she'd been trying to tell Jinsoul not to fall into another duty. </p><p>Was that hypocrisy? Or had Jungeun just spent too much time in that cycle of violence and ignorance? </p><p>Jungeun finally spoke. "It used to be." She pursed her lips. "And I guess I'll find out more once I get the payment for it." </p><p>"You get that personally?" </p><p>Jungeun smiled, but there was no warmth to it. "They wanted me to do it," she said. "And they wanted to meet me after." </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. "You're agreeing to that?" It didn't matter if there'd been a good reason to hunt down the warlock. Even without Jungeun's history, this was a risk. </p><p>"Not yet." Jungeun looked like she'd already decided. “But I can’t see them like this,” she waved a hand to herself, “I can fight like this, but it’s better to avoid outsiders knowing we can get sick in the first place.” </p><p>“So once you’re better, you’ll just go through the cold again?” Jinsoul asked. “And then you’ll reach them and be sick again? Or at a disadvantage?”</p><p>“I don’t lose my magic as easily after I get sick,” Jungeun replied. “It’s like a shock to the system. Then it gets better.” </p><p>That didn’t exactly sound right. </p><p>Jungeun laughed “I deal with this every year, Jinsoul. I don’t know why it happens, but it gets better.” She turned away from her, before coughing. It sounded better than earlier, but still painful. Then Jungeun straightened. “You know, I’ll be going as soon as I can. Your home’d be on the way.” </p><p>Home. </p><p>“Just like that?” </p><p>Jungeun looked surprised. “We’re not banned from seeing our people,” she said. “I go home every few years.” </p><p>She still called it home. </p><p>“You can go with someone else,” Jungeun said then. Hurriedly. “Just not alone, because, well, that wouldn’t be a risk they’d allow you to take.” She grimaced, as if expecting Jinsoul to protest.</p><p>She didn’t. “It’s fine,” Jinsoul said. “You and I can go.” She shrugged. “You want to see you family too.” </p><p>“I already did,” she said. “That’s how I got that last one.” </p><p>“Won’t they think it’s strange if you go home twice?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed. “Homesickness is something none of them really know, unless you’re part of the wanderers.” She shook her head. “So no one can really tell me that’s odd or not.” </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t exactly following that reasoning, but she nodded once. </p><p>“But anyway,” that uncertainty came back, “you can go earlier. Maybe Sooyoung or Haseul’d go with you, or someone else.” She was fiddling with the fabric of her clothes now. </p><p>“Okay,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun looked up, her brow shooting up. It seemed like she didn’t believe her. </p><p>“It’s fine,” she told her. “We’ll go to both.” She felt a bit excited to be able to go home. She’d never asked. Maybe she had assumed they’d be blocked from going home, at least for the first few years. </p><p>But they weren’t. That was a relief in and of itself. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul was looking at her, an unfamiliar expression was there. It wasn’t judging, nor frustrated, or amused. </p><p>She felt a flutter of nervousness then. She wondered if it was because Jinsoul had become more unpredictable with that stunt of getting the herbs for her, or just because she still found her intimidating. Maybe more because she knew <em>nothing</em> about the time that’d passed since she’d left. </p><p>Jungeun looked away. That ache faded soon after. Probably just from the infection. </p><p>“It’s fine. We’ll go to both.” </p><p>The nerves eased. </p><p>“Great,” Jungeun nodded, “I mean—good.” She hated how her words got mixed up. Her face warmed. </p><p>“I’ve got guard duty,” Jinsoul walked to the edge of the tent, “are you hungry?” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. </p><p>“Then you should get to bed,” she said. “I’m serious.” Then she was off. </p><p>The scent of eucalyptus was still embedded in her nose. Jungeun still couldn’t quite believe what’d just happened. She couldn’t believe that Jinsoul had even gone to Yeri in the first place. </p><p>They’d really gotten lucky with the water elf. The Astra had someone whose ideals were set above a lot of other things, even her own personal beliefs. That was rare in most people, even rarer in immortals, especially elves. </p><p>Jungeun stood, her balance wavering briefly. She trudged over to the bedroll and laid down. She wasn’t tired. She forced the fire to dim a bit, but drew it closer to her. Winter was her weakness. Now it’d made her sick, again, while also not letting her fall asleep. It also left her to her thoughts. </p><p>The more she learned about Jinsoul, the more she saw what sort of a person the elf was. And that just made her wonder why the moon had chosen the two of <em>them</em> for the Astra. It was so clear why Jinsoul had been chosen, but her being there made Jungeun’s situation even more unclear. The Astra needed someone who questioned their magic, their ideals, while helping their people at the same time. </p><p>And whatever Jinsoul lacked now, it’d be something she’d learn. She’d come to trust the others and she’d master the moonlight. If she ever did decide for it, she’d become established among the healers too, with Nuala recognising what she brought to the table. </p><p>Jungeun smiled just thinking about it. With any luck, Jinsoul would realise she had a place among the Astra soon enough. Maybe she’d even start to see it as her home once she saw that. </p><p>She hoped so. </p><p>Jungeun closed her eyes, her breathing finally easier. The pressure on her lungs was still there, but whatever Jinsoul had given her had helped make it bearable. </p><p>And then she felt it, a light drowsiness had come over her. Had Jinsoul put something in that mixture? </p><p>She should’ve felt a rush of panic then, as well as anger for being forced to rest. </p><p>But it didn’t come. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been updating this story a lot. Mostly because I've finally gotten to a fair amount of scenes I'd already written. It was just a matter of weaving them in properly. </p><p>There was a slight tone shift too, partially because things were relatively heavy (at least for me) and also because there's been a bit of progress? By progress, I mostly just mean that time has passed. Jinsoul's seen more of both the Astra and Jungeun, not quite everything (naturally), but a bit more than before. </p><p>A part of me wanted to space the updates out, but given that it's the holiday season and I've had a good amount of time, I decided to put more work in now, then later. </p><p>Hope you enjoyed the update, would love to know your thoughts if you have any on what's happening. Not sure when the next chapter will come, but if it's after the new year, I wish you all the best until then! </p><p>See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. In stone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“My people first?” Jungeun was frowning. “I would’ve thought—”</p><p>“You have time pressure,” Jinsoul replied. “Once we’re finished there, we won’t have that after.”</p><p>She nodded, before walking on. She still wasn’t fully healthy, but nothing Jinsoul had said had been able to keep her from wanting to get on the move again. </p><p>At least the trip through the earth hadn’t been too horrible. </p><p>Now they were in an area where one of the mortal empires still was. From what Jinsoul had heard before, it was on the decline. She’d usually been interested in the state of mortals, but from the way it fluctuated, it usually ended up confusing her to no end. There was no long term stability. Mostly because their lives were finite. Their ambitions compensated for their mortality, but that usually led to social upheaval, violence, or both. </p><p>Each change she heard about reminded her why their kind stayed <em>out</em> of mortal politics. Most of them at least. </p><p>“Anything I should know about your people beforehand?” Jinsoul asked. “Something I shouldn’t ask about or do?” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply immediately. The expression was a familiar one around Jinsoul, but she’d not seen it around anyone else yet. “Not really,” she said. “But some’ll be fine with talking about a war or battle you’ve heard about, while others are still,” a short pause, “mourning.” </p><p>She just nodded. She knew of her people, but less than she had about Jungeun herself. They were usually involved in most of the conflicts among their kind, either as aid, instigators, or defending themselves from old grudges. It wasn’t as if those things weren’t universal among the different clans and people, but Jungeun’s were some of the most prominent. Jinsoul had healed people on both sides when those conflicts arose. She’d never asked for any names. She wondered if she’d recognise anyone. </p><p>“They do talk about violence—well, easily, I mean.” Jungeun grimaced. “I do too, I did—you know, before.” Her eyes fell to the ground. “There’s not exactly a reason for us to stray away from the subject, which is why there’ll be people who’ll still bring up something from years ago.” </p><p>“It’s normal?” Jinsoul suggested. “There’s a lot of people who end up treating it like that.” </p><p>“Not like this.” She shook her head. “But even then, do know that they’re not—they’re good people.” </p><p><em>They’re not like me</em>. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a pang at the thought. This was Jungeun’s way of both preparing her for, and defending, her people. </p><p>She just nodded. Then the two of them walked in silence again.</p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun’s return to her people felt like the greeting of a famous mortal. Perhaps a knight. Jinsoul had only seen a handful of those things. </p><p>People’s faces lit up with broad smiles, while others called into camp that Jungeun was back.</p><p>Jinsoul watched as some rushed to embrace Jungeun, or clasp her on the back with fond smiles. It was as if they hadn’t seen her in years, when it’d only been two months. </p><p>“Who’s this?” one of the elves asked, raising an eyebrow Jinsoul’s way. </p><p>Jungeun looked at her, the smallest of questions there. Was she asking whether or not they should tell the truth? To her own people? </p><p>“I’m Jinsoul,” she said. “I’m the other one who was called to the Astra.” </p><p>“They got an Arcsa too now?” The elf laughed. “I’m Pollux. Might’ve been through your territory before.” He grinned. </p><p><em>And banned from it</em>, Jinsoul added in her head. Pollux had gone straight to the sea and killed a blood wielder below the surface without warning. Another sea elf had helped him beforehand, but stopped once he’d leapt into the ocean. He was lucky they hadn’t hunted him down after that. “I wasn’t there at the time.” </p><p>“You’re their healer, aren’t you?” another asked. For lack of a better word, she was gorgeous. “Or were.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “How’d you know that?” </p><p>“Healers can have just as a reputation as we do.” Her gaze was both curious and almost challenging. </p><p>“Not the same,” Jungeun said, sending the girl a strange look. It was both a warning, but without any harshness to it. “Did the fae help?” </p><p>The elf nodded. She looked at Jungeun with both tenderness and concern. She looked like she wanted to say something else. Then she turned to Jinsoul, nodding her head once. “I’m Reyna.” She had bright green eyes and skin with a deep gold tan. She was undoubtedly beautiful. Unlike Jungeun, she had the clear air of a warrior to her, with a harshness in her eyes that was still somehow disarming. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded back. If she wasn’t imagining it, Reyna was searching her eyes. What she wanted to find, Jinsoul had no idea. </p><p>“The witches already caught wind of your success,” Pollux said. “They’ll be here tomorrow.” </p><p>“Where am I meeting them?” </p><p>“Eun,” Reyna began, holding her gaze. The tender edge to her expression was back. </p><p>Jinsoul felt strange seeing it. It wasn’t as though there was something off to it, but it contrasted to how she seemed without it. </p><p>“I’m seeing them,” Jungeun said. Not sharply, but there was a finality there. “Alone.” </p><p>Jinsoul certainly wasn’t imagining the silent plea in Reyna’s eyes. Jungeun had mentioned Reyna, as well as Pollux. She’d not said much more than that, but there was clearly a history with one of them. </p><p>Jungeun just went further into the camp. Technically, it seemed more like a village. </p><p>The fire elf looked over her shoulder, catching Jinsoul’s eye, before she kept walking. </p><p>Jinsoul weaved through the small crowd that’d only parted for Jungeun. The people smiled at her, but there was more curiosity there than anything else. She recognised the faces of only some. </p><p>Jungeun greeted the rest with a clasp to their arm, short embraces, or simple nods. Jinsoul wondered why there were so many differences, despite each person seeming equally happy to see her. The entire thing raised more questions than anything else. </p><p>Jinsoul took in what had once been Jungeun’s home. There were actual houses instead of tents. Some were of brick, others of stone or wood. There wasn’t much cohesion. That meant the abilities of several elves, rather than a select few, had built onto this area. </p><p>There was even a little market place, but she had no idea what sort of trade they’d have here. She’d ask later. </p><p>“We—They move every few decades,” Jungeun said. ”There’re barely any with an artistic vision here, if you couldn’t already tell.” Even so, she looked at the houses with a smile. </p><p>“There weren’t many wards,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“We just have warnings in place.” </p><p>“Because you could handle the threat.”</p><p>“We have the numbers,” Jungeun shrugged, “and there’re some more things we have in place if they’d really try something.” </p><p>“Witches watching out for threats?”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “It’s worked all this time.”</p><p>“Besides,” Pollux was there again, “the only times they really try something is when we’re out on a mission.” He looked at Jungeun then, also about to say something. </p><p>“And with the people we trust, we get warnings if something looks bad,” Jungeun said. “But only if it’s obvious.”</p><p>They reached a larger house in the centre. It had stone pillars, almost Greek in nature. Jinsoul wondered who among Jungeun’s people had been alive to see Ancient Greece. Many had enjoyed that period, as well as Rome, for some reason. </p><p>Two people waited there. They wore simple white with light tints of red at the edges. It looked like linen, very similar to the clothes Jungeun tended to wear. They both had pale hair, with the man’s being white, while the woman’s was pale gold. It wasn’t hard to realise who these people were. </p><p>Both also had the features of the region. The man looked colder than the woman did, sterner too. Jungeun fell somewhere in between the two. </p><p>When she looked back to Jungeun, she was taken aback by the pure happiness she saw. There was a glow in her eyes, one she hadn’t had earlier. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t go into their arms, but both her parents had a similar warmth in their eyes. Her mother was smiling. </p><p>“I’m Thea. He’s Daran.” She had pale blue eyes, like clear water below the sun. Her eyes didn’t harden when she looked at her. </p><p>The same couldn’t be said about the person at her side. </p><p>“You’re Jinsoul?”</p><p>Jinsoul bowed her head to both. “Yes.”</p><p>“You healed some of our own over the years,” she said. “I can imagine we weren’t always the ones you wanted to help, but we’re still thankful.”</p><p>Jinsoul tried not to look confused at that and nodded once. “I was happy to help where I could.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t have seen most of them here,” Daran said. “They were killed in the years that followed.” </p><p>What to say to that, she had no idea. There wasn’t any hint of a bite in his voice and he didn’t sound like he was accusing her of anything, but Jinsoul still felt intimidated. He had silver eyes that hadn’t softened the slightest since he’d looked away from his daughter. </p><p>“Did you have any problems with the warlock?” Thea asked. </p><p>Jinsoul caught Jungeun frowning at her father, before she replied. </p><p>“Barely any,” she said. “Couldn’t do anything more after, but I told Dahyun what he’d done.” She shrugged. “Haven’t heard anything since.”</p><p>Daran nodded. “And you already know you’ll be meeting them tomorrow?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “They didn’t have anymore demands?”</p><p>“Only that you’d take the pay.”</p><p>“Is it really a good idea to agree to that?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>They all looked at her and she was surprised by how similar their expressions were, all with a half perplexed, half expectant gaze. </p><p>“You don’t think so?” Daran asked. Again, not condescending or suspicious. Nothing positive either. </p><p>“It’s an opportunity,” Jinsoul replied. “And I don’t know if there’re a lot who’d take it or not.” </p><p>“Yes you do,” he said. “Or at least a very good idea.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but look away. </p><p>“Elly’d already ordered a wine for tonight. She’s been wanting us to try it for days.” Thea chuckled. It didn’t sound forced. She was probably used to doing the peacekeeping. “Itsumi wanted your take on who we’re sending to what next,” she said then. “And we need to plan for tomorrow.” </p><p>Jungeun looked to Jinsoul then. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words caught when her father spoke. </p><p>“We have a place set for her,” he said. “I’ll show her the way.”</p><p>Jungeun’s brow furrowed. She met Jinsoul’s eyes. <em>You sure?</em> That seemed to ask. </p><p>Jinsoul only nodded. Of all the things to turn away from, a <em>very</em> strained few moments with Jungeun’s father weren’t going to be a massive problem. Most of the trip here had been silent. </p><p>Jungeun still looked unconvinced, but she went with Thea. </p><p>The silence she left was extremely uncomfortable. Daran was watching the other two go. </p><p>Jinsoul chose to look around again. The ground was raised in one area, to make a hill, atop which must’ve been where they all ate. Jinsoul was glad the Astra didn’t have large dinners. At least not regularly. </p><p>Other than that, the only variation from the trees around them were the mountains that rose in the distance. They were coated with snow, but it was warm in this area. Jinsoul wondered if there were people who could influence the weather. </p><p>“I’d heard a fair amount about you before.” Daran started walking in the other direction. He spoke in <em>arcesh</em>. Was that how Jungeun had learned? “And Jungeun told us more.” </p><p>The words themselves sank in. They also explained the ice that laced his words. </p><p>Jinsoul could only think of how she’d acted towards Jungeun at the start, how the others had tried to defend her, while also trying to make Jinsoul feel somewhat at home. </p><p>“She respects you.” </p><p>The words struck her more than his anger would have. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t form a proper response. If she tried, she would’ve been stammering. </p><p>He gave her a knowing look. “I’m having a hard time seeing the same.” </p><p>Shame formed a pit in her stomach. Jinsoul wanted to look away, but she knew that’d just make him think worse of her. </p><p>Daran looked to one house of wood and stone. It was fairly large, but hardly grand. It looked a bit like a boat, one whose sail was wooden. </p><p>“That’s our home,” he said. “Even before the moon, she hadn’t been living there for years.”</p><p>Again, Jinsoul didn’t know what she was supposed to say. </p><p>Daran turned to face her. It wasn’t that he was unreadable, but he still reminded Jinsoul of an iceberg. Immovable, save for the force of the ocean. “The only thing I could applaud you for is that you stand by your principles.” </p><p>“But you think they’re wrong.” </p><p>“No,” he said. “I think you’ve walled them in stone.” A pause. “Or ice. You don’t let those of others through.” </p><p>“You mean hers,” Jinsoul finished. </p><p>He didn’t say much else, but that expression was there. It wasn’t disappointment, but it was similar. </p><p>They stopped at a small hut sort of thing, but with walls of linen. </p><p>“This’s where you’ll be staying,” Daran said. “Thea thought it’d be good for you to have something from home.” </p><p>“I’m glad it’d be good to have something from home,” Jinsoul muttered. </p><p>He shrugged once, a familiar gesture. “It’ll all start in two hours,” he said. “You’ll know when the music starts.” With that, he started to walk backwards. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “Thank you.”</p><p>He turned away. </p><p>Jinsoul went past the linen, only to see they’d put a charm over it. It made them resistant to the window. She’d also be able to seal them with a subsequent charm. </p><p>Then she saw the bowl of water. Either it was that ‘taste of home’ or a joke. Jinsoul wondered if it was the latter. </p><p>She still drew out the water and let it curl around her arms and hands. It gave her the deep calm she loved. </p><p>If the water was a joke, it was probably meant well. Hopefully. </p><p>She debated leaning to go and explore the camp. She didn’t always get to do so among other elves. Learning more about them could always be interesting. </p><p>A wave of fatigue came over her. When she fell back onto the bed, she was asleep in minutes. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul woke to music. And someone calling her name. </p><p>“I can just bring you something if you don’t want to go,” Jungeun was saying. “To be honest, they’ll probably just make a few remarks, but nothing—” she stopped mid-sentence when Jinsoul pulled the linen curtain back. Her eyes widened. Then she grimaced. “Were you asleep?” </p><p>“Yes.” Jinsoul went to her side. “But it’s fine.” </p><p>“You’re sure?” Jungeun raised a brow. </p><p>“Should I not be?” Jinsoul asked. She was almost certain that Jungeun hadn’t told people how things had actually been. People probably would’ve treated her <em>very</em> differently if she had. </p><p>She shrugged once. “You’ll disagree with most of them?” </p><p>Jinsoul kept walking. “You said they eat well here,” she said. “It’d also seem strange if I sit out now, but I came all this way.” And she was curious to see if Daran’s view of her was shared with the rest. </p><p>Jungeun nodded once. “There’ll be a good wine too.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost laughed. “I’m not sure if that should be what I look forward to.” </p><p>“It’s what I’m looking forward to.” </p><p>Jinsoul switched back to <em>arcesh</em>. “Are you happy to be back?” </p><p>Jungeun paused, a tiny frown appearing. “Why say that?” There was the slightest hint of defensiveness there. </p><p>“Were you?” </p><p>The frown deepened. “This are—was my home.” Except for the few stumbles when she spoke, Jungeun’s <em>arcesh</em> wasn’t bad. </p><p><em>Was</em>. Jungeun switched between ‘they’ and ‘we’ as well. She had for the last months too. She still belonged here, a part of her people, but she also felt like an Astran. </p><p>“You were happy to see your family,” Jinsoul said. “You were when you saw the others, but,” she paused, wondering if she was overstepping again, “less.” </p><p>Jungeun looked away, a hint of uncertainty in her eyes again. “When’d you,” she bit her lip, seemingly searching for the word, “see that?” </p><p>“When we arrived.” Jinsoul ignored her own questions that came with that. Why’d she even want to know in the first place? “I shouldn’t have asked,” she added. “It’s nothing I need to—”</p><p>“You asked,” Jungeun said quietly. She paused, opening her mouth and closing it again. Jinsoul wondered if it was because she was searching for the words in <em>arcesh</em>, or just what to say in general. “I could tell you it’s because I just saw them, but it’s been like that for a few years, decades actually.” She shrugged once. “Probably won’t happen with you,” she said hurriedly, “we’re not—it’s just—” She closed her eyes. “Don’t know how to say that.” She chuckled. </p><p>“You don’t have to keep speaking <em>arcesh</em>,” Jinsoul said. She’d thought it would be better, in case anyone decided to listen in. </p><p>Jungeun kept walking. “It’s different.” </p><p>They fell silent. At least until they reached the feast, where they were met with choruses of conversation and music. </p><p>It might’ve been what Jungeun had said before, but Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder if she was reading too much into what she saw. Jungeun’s smile was genuine. When she laughed, she meant it too. </p><p>But something was missing. Jinsoul had no idea what that was. No one seemed to be bothered by it. </p><p>At least until she looked to those closest to her. When Jungeun told them about the warlock she’d hunted, Jinsoul saw how Reyna struggled to hide her unease. The same applied to Jungeun’s mother. Jinsoul wondered why they’d let her walk into what could’ve very well been a trap. Did they have a plan for the event that it went wrong? Did they have so much faith in Jungeun that they believed she could fight her way out of it? </p><p>Or would Jungeun not let them interfere? </p><p>______</p><p>“You missed the perfect challenge,” Pollux said. “A stone wielder, air one, and a fire wielder. He tried out that whip technique too.” He laughed. “Didn’t expect I’d be able to pull them over.” He flexed his hand. There was a harsh burn there. He looked at it with pride. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t need much time at all to know how he’d learned how to catch fire, how to not flinch away when it came near. The warriors of these Crosa fought through pain and went well past their limits. It was mad. </p><p>And that was also the reason they ended up surviving most of the encounters. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at the burn there. She was smiling, but a part of it was lacking. “Was it just you?” There was some teasing in her voice, but it still sounded wrong. </p><p>Pollux grinned. “All took less than half an hour.” He made it sound like a grand victory.  </p><p>Jinsoul forced down the nausea she felt then. </p><p>“But they barely knew what to do with their magic,” someone scoffed, “wait ‘til you get an actual fairy.”</p><p>She tried not to listen to what followed. They talked of those fights as if they were games. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to Thea first. She was talking in a hushed voice with someone else. The snippets she caught there were faint, some words almost inaudible, but they were talking about a group of elves. They’d once been healers. Now they were able to access the either workings of the human body. </p><p>Bile rose into her throat. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Jungeun whispered. It was in clipped <em>arcesh</em>, but Jinsoul understood it. </p><p>“Did you know about the elves?” Jinsoul asked. “The healers.” Were the rumours true? They’d barely heard anything about it, mostly because the healers weren’t tied to the water. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head, before her eyes flicked to her mother. She listened. </p><p>Jinsoul could see how her expression shifted. Jungeun hadn’t known either. </p><p>“Can we take it?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Her brow rose. “Yeah.” </p><p>Jinsoul blinked. “What?” </p><p>“No one’s been sent out yet. At least not from us.” </p><p>“And they’d just send you and I?” </p><p>“Just takes a few words,” Jungeun replied. “Should I ask now?”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned.</p><p>Jungeun smiled. “Yes, it’s that simple.” She got to her feet and went over to the two. “What’s the time frame?” she whispered.</p><p>“They gave us two weeks,” the other elf said. </p><p>“They?” Jungeun repeated. </p><p>“Their people,” Thea replied. </p><p>Jungeun was silent. She was weighing it in her head. </p><p>“These the psychotic healers?” someone called further down the table. “Eun’s taking it?” She laughed once. “Beat me to it.” </p><p>Again, Jinsoul felt uneasy. Words like that, it made the elves seem like a prize. A simple target. </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to ask then if they wanted prisoners. If they did, then she was glad the others wouldn’t be going after them. </p><p>People were looking over now, almost eager to hear what they could.</p><p>And there was a reason for that. Jungeun had been their best. She was as renowned as a general, maybe even more than that. </p><p>“There a leader?” </p><p>A nod. </p><p>“Do they want prisoners?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“None.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt a pit form in her stomach. </p><p>“Don’t tell them you sent me,” Jungeun said. Then she clapped the elf on the shoulder. </p><p>People looked like they couldn’t believe their ears. Neither Thea or the other one were frowning, but a fair amount of other people were. </p><p>"This's supposed to be a simple one," Pollux said when she was close enough. "It's fine if they know." </p><p>"And you shouldn't go alone either," Reyna said. </p><p>"I won't be alone," Jungeun replied. </p><p>Then she sat back down beside Jinsoul. </p><p>Most eyes were on Jungeun, but Jinsoul felt someone else looking at her. When she looked around the table, she met Reyna’s eyes. She couldn’t read that look. </p><p>Without a word, Jungeun put a second helping on Jinsoul’s plate, before loading her own. She started eating. </p><p>Jinsoul was torn between being confused and worried. </p><p>Reyna kept looking over at them. As did some others, before looking to Reyna herself. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t seem to take note of any of it. </p><p>Most of the conversation went to something else, like the happenings of a nearby Warsan settlement. </p><p>One part of the table kept going back to fights they’d had, or Jungeun’s. Those seemed to be a point of pride. </p><p>Jungeun was silent for most of them. Oddly enough, her family didn’t join in either. </p><p>And Jinsoul heard tale after tale of the conquests of the different people around the table. At times it sounded like a race for who’d taken the most lives, or had the most difficult battle. </p><p>From what she heard, Jungeun seemed to be in the lead, even with the years spent away from her people. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder if that was one of the reasons why Jungeun had agreed to go after the blood-wielders. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun had wanted to go on guard duty, saying something about how her presence being there twice would draw the spirits. Two would make it worse. </p><p>Jinsoul hadn’t seen any spirits yet, at least not the ones who attacked. </p><p>“Why’d you tell them not to say they sent you?” Jinsoul asked once they were far away enough. </p><p>“Independence,” she replied. “I can do what I want.” She kept walking. “Meaning, you can do what you want.” She didn’t look at her. </p><p>“You mean you’ll let me.”</p><p>Jungeun frowned. “If you didn’t agree with what I’d do, you’d make that very clear, right?” </p><p>Jinsoul bit back a retort. If she said anything, she’d just be disagreeing for the sake of it. </p><p>“And if I went ahead and tried to kill those people, if you didn’t want that, you’d extinguish the flames, wouldn’t you?” Now she looked at her. She didn’t look defensive or even irritated. She just said it as if it were normal. “You’d stop me.” </p><p>“That’s assuming I’d be able to,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“You would be,” Jungeun replied. She looked away, a strange look in her eyes. It was torn between shame and acceptance. After a few seconds, she straightened. “I can’t fight your magic off that well.” </p><p>Jinsoul was torn between calling that a lie and actually believing the possibility. She’d never thought of it. Fighting someone like Jungeun—she’d never put herself in a position like that. She didn’t fight people she knew outmatched her in skill. </p><p>And yet her magic was the opposite to fire. If it was there in sufficient amounts, even an inferno couldn’t vaporise a flood. </p><p>Then again, Jungeun must have fought people who’d used water, or even ice. </p><p>“If they didn’t send me, then we’re not going off the contract,” Jungeun said. She didn’t say anything after that. </p><p>Jinsoul used the silence to think it over. They’d have to find a witch for a trail. They’d follow it to the healers. Those healers could easily take hold of their blood, or their entire limbs, and try and crush them from the inside. Jinsoul’s own magic could protect them, but that had limits too. </p><p>Magic that affected the mind was the most feared. Magic that directly attacked the body was close behind. Wiping them out with fire would be the easy solution. That’s why people had been glad when Jungeun had offered to hunt them down. They hadn’t been as pleased when she’d said to keep her separate from them. </p><p>“Would the Warsa even accept them?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“I know some who would.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “You don’t know anything about how it happened. Neither do I,” she said. “Everyone else knows more and they seem fine with killing all of them.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I did that a few months ago.” This time, nothing flickered in her eyes. They just held Jinsoul’s gaze. “And before that too.” </p><p>Jinsoul remembered when the others had spoken of another blood-wielder, Brieth. It had taken some weeks, but Hyejoo had told her why they’d even gotten to the subject in the first place. His people were responsible for the deaths of her parents. She’d wanted to take her revenge, but hadn’t. </p><p>And then Jungeun had taken his life.</p><p><em>I’d wanted him gone for a long time</em>. </p><p>“What’re you trying to say with that?” Jinsoul asked. “The only reason you wouldn’t kill of them is because I’d disagree?” </p><p>“Because I could’ve ignored what I heard,” she replied. “You could’ve too.” She shrugged. “And I can go back right now and say we just got called back to camp. They’ll leave it to someone else.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t barely make any sense of that. It didn’t explain why Jungeun would be completely fine with what she’d done recently and now do something entirely different. One explanation was a hypocrisy Jungeun wasn’t taking note of. Another was she had a deliberate reason for it. </p><p>“You were disgusted by what was said there,” Jungeun said. “I saw it.” </p><p>“So you’re trying to prove me wrong?” </p><p>She shook her head. No frustration had flashed in her eyes. Not even a hint of it. “What you did with the others, with the vampires. That might’ve felt like you weren’t considering anything when you fought, but the others were. Jiwoo and Chaewon were finding the people who didn’t deserve to die. The other things you do for the Astra, for the witches, it all has a reason.” Jungeun looked back once, before looking ahead again. “And even it unsettled you. Even knowing there was a reason, you probably wished you’d have known exactly why you were sent after them.” </p><p>Jinsoul swallowed her next response. She didn’t like Jungeun assuming anything about her. She really didn’t like that she was right. </p><p>“I’m fine with not knowing it,” Jungeun said. A ball of moonlight appeared in her hands. She tossed it up before catching it again. “It’s normal for me, but that isn’t what you do. You’re not a killer, you don’t just take jobs like that. You don’t think it’s right if we kill them just because their people want it.” </p><p>“Because it isn’t.” Jinsoul stopped walking. “Do you think it is?” </p><p>“That’s not what I think about first.” Jungeun caught the ball again. She looked at it. “I look at the risks first. They could actually kill us.” Her left eye was glowing white. It cast an odd light on her, as though she were caught between two phases. “Then the benefits. They’re being seen as a risk for obvious reasons. That kind of magic, with a rogue group—it’s a danger to everyone. Taking them out takes out the massive risk.” The ball disappeared. “Once I’ve got a list for that, I go through how I’ll do it.” She sighed. “What’s the first thing you think of?” The way she phrased it, the way she looked at her, was as if she actually wanted to know the answer. </p><p>“Why they left,” Jinsoul said. “What happened for them to send someone to kill them.” </p><p>The fire elf finally looked away. The shame in her eyes was clear. “Without knowing anything else,” Jungeun started, “would you do it if your people had sent you after them?” </p><p>“We banish them or send them somewhere to restrain their magic,” Jinsoul said. “I told you this.” It’d been one of the first times she’d eaten with the rest. “But you’d already leapt over all of those precautions when you killed Brieth.” The blood-wielder who’d already been sentenced to banishment. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t flinch. She just nodded. Was she accepting it? Or just letting Jinsoul talk? </p><p>Jinsoul felt herself getting angry. “All you’ve done is admit that you’ll carry out whatever instructions you’re given. All you’ve done is tell me exactly how different we are.” She grit her teeth. “And it isn’t because I’m naive, but because you’ve lived like this your entire life.” </p><p>Still, red eyes weren’t showing flashes of hurt or anything like it. </p><p>“So what’re you trying to convince me of?” Jinsoul asked. She could already feel her voice getting louder. “Is this entire thing some sort of twisted challenge? Are we going to look for why that contract was even sent here? Do you think we’ll get the reason and I’ll finally see your side of things?” Her eye had grown warm. “Are you expecting me to get so angry when I hear what they’re doing that I’ll kill them myself?” </p><p>Now, something appeared. It looked like sadness. </p><p>It wasn’t what she wanted to see. “They <em>glorify</em> what you’ve done,” she pointed to the camp, “people respect you for murder. Not just your people, but the Astra too. And why?” Jinsoul hissed. “Because you’ve saved their lives doing it. You’re their weapon. You’re still the one your people can send when the rest would be risking their lives. You’re the one they send, because they trained you all your life to push yourself through any situation, even when you’re dying. And that’s why people call you a hero, because you let yourself suffer through <em>anything</em> and you’ve been taught it’s a good thing if there’s just one killer.” </p><p>The words were met with silence. Jinsoul wondered with which breath she’d stepped too far. Each subsequent word had just pushed her further. </p><p>Jungeun hadn’t looked away. Jinsoul had expected her to once she’d let the words run freely. She'd expected to hear her defend herself, but there'd been nothing like that. Jungeun had only told her why she did what she did, how she managed to do any of those things. She didn't glorify it, but she still went after people like they were targets. </p><p>Jungeun's eyes glittered, but they no longer shone. Her jaw was tight and her mouth trembled. The expression was back. The conflict and guilt Jinsoul had seen a few times. Jungeun wasn't hiding it now. </p><p>Jinsoul could feel the tears forming in Jungeun’s eyes. Then they weren’t there anymore. She'd forced them back. </p><p>“We’re taking them prisoner,” Jungeun finally said. Her voice was surprisingly steady. “We'll either find a mental fae or we find the reason why they left another way.” Her brow twitched. She was biting the inside of her cheek. "We leave after I've met with the witches." </p><p>Silence again. Jinsoul didn’t break it. She wanted to look away from whatever was going on in Jungeun’s head, but she couldn’t. Not when she was the reason for it. </p><p>Then Jungeun turned away. She walked in the opposite direction of her people. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t follow. Her anger was gone. She just felt a distinct pit in her chest instead. It wasn’t something she felt often, but she knew what it was. </p><p>She wished Jungeun would’ve said something else. She wished her eyes would’ve filled with fire and that she’d have just shouted at her. </p><p>Instead she’d just been quiet, her eyes only holding a few sparks. </p><p>If she ever told Haseul, Sooyoung, or anyone from Jungeun’s people what she’d said, she would’ve gotten the shouts. She probably would’ve gotten worse than that. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t sleep at all that night. She could’ve attributed it to her starting to become nocturnal, but that would’ve been a lie. </p><p>Instead, what kept her awake was what she saw whenever she closed her eyes. Guilt trapped in eyes that were trying to hold back tears. </p><p>Jinsoul wished she could take every single word back. She wished she could’ve said the right words to keep that look away. </p><p>But she couldn’t do either of those things. She wouldn’t know what else to say either. </p><p>She hadn't apologised then, because how was she supposed to? Jungeun <em>had</em> killed people. She'd hunted some down and faced others in battle. She did it easily. She'd done it all her life. </p><p>Jinsoul slipped out of bed. There was a high chance Jungeun was spending the night with someone else. Still, as she walked, she looked out for pale gold hair, listened for her distinct screech of a laugh. </p><p>She even peered into the light, only to find that Jungeun wasn’t nearby at all. </p><p>The shame grew even more. Jinsoul thought of how Jungeun hadn’t defended herself, hadn’t lashed out when she probably should have. </p><p>Jinsoul passed by others, but most didn’t pay her any mind. A lot of them had had a fair amount to drink as well. </p><p>There were stares too. Jinsoul checked her skin twice, just in case she was glowing. She wasn’t. </p><p>They weren’t the stares from the Astra either, but normal stares, oddly enough. </p><p>She got to the central hill again. It was quiet here. She wondered if people avoided it as much as they could until there were meetings. </p><p>Jinsoul went in. She was greeted by more silence. </p><p>Jungeun had barely said a word when Jinsoul had attacked her. Jinsoul still wished she had. She wondered why she hadn't? Jinsoul couldn't believe that Jungeun didn't have at least <em>one</em> protest to what she'd said. Jungeun had to have been able to deny at least one of Jinsoul's accusations. </p><p>Except she hadn't. She'd only listened, with an expression that Jinsoul was starting to realise neared defeat more than it did hurt. The realisation only made her feel worse. </p><p>She forced herself to look at the room. It was grand, almost entirely made of stone. In the centre was a large table with a rounded end, while the other was straight. Did the mismatched sides have a reason or was this an attempt at being artistic? </p><p>Then she heard someone walking over. </p><p>Jinsoul turned in time to see Reyna walk in. She didn’t look surprised to see her. She was probably here because Jinsoul was. She was slightly surprised that Reyna wasn’t with Jungeun now. </p><p>“Hi,” Reyna said simply. </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod a small greeting. She wondered if Jungeun had told her, or if Reyna had seen her after she’d walked away. </p><p>She watched as the elf went to the table and leaned against it, facing her. She was here to talk. </p><p>Jinsoul tried not to show how much she <em>didn’t</em> want that. </p><p>“Did you like the meal?” </p><p>Jinsoul raised a brow. “Yes,” she said. “Why’re you here?” </p><p>Reyna smiled. It softened her features. She really was gorgeous. “Straight to the point,” she said. “Good, because I don’t like small talk.”</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>A small nod. “How long’ve you and Jungeun been close?”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. Had Reyna not seen Jungeun at all? “We aren’t close.”</p><p>Reyna tilted her head. “Is ‘on good terms’ a better way of putting it?” </p><p>“I don’t think so.” Jungeun’s pained expression was still fresh in her mind. </p><p>She held Jinsoul’s gaze. “From what I heard, from what I saw,” she shrugged, “can’t say I expected that.”</p><p>“Why?” And what exactly had she heard, or seen? </p><p>Reyna made a lazy motion with her hand. A breeze swept through the air, bringing in the scent of food from outside. It left again. “She changed.” </p><p>“I’ve only been here a few months.” Jinsoul wanted to say something else, but there wasn’t anything else in her mind. </p><p>“Must’ve been an eventful time.” Reyna looked like she also wanted to say something else. She was a bit easier to read than Jungeun was. </p><p>“When was the last time you saw her?” Jinsoul asked. “Something might’ve been happening before.” </p><p>“I’ve known her since we were little,” she replied. “A lot’s happened that could’ve changed her, but it didn’t. Other things changed her when no one would’ve expected it.” A long pause. Was she waiting for Jinsoul to reply? </p><p>“And I’m supposed to fall into the latter?” Jinsoul wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a warning, a defence, or something else entirely. </p><p>“I’m not sure,” Reyna said. “But you’ve definitely had an effect.” She looked at her, from her feet to her head. “I wanted to ask when it happened.” </p><p>She shook her head. “I barely know who she is, let alone any change she would’ve had.” She wondered how it would look if she left right now. </p><p>“She stalled an escape to heal the fairies we were freeing,” Reyna frowned, “she’d barely ever let a rushed rune heal her, let alone use one.” </p><p>“Were the injuries bad?” Reyna spoke as if that was something completely unheard of. Someone was always supposed to use those runes. Things rarely went wrong with them. If you made a mistake, it just didn’t work. If it worked, you eased the pain. </p><p>“Just a broken leg, then the aftermath was simple.” Reyna sighed. “Everything was how it always was.”</p><p>“So everything you think people should be able to just walk away from?” Jinsoul couldn’t help but think of Jungeun’s stubbornness. Had that belief in strength, of pushing through the pain, extended to others as well? </p><p>“We always can,” Reyna said simply. “But that day, she decided to use runes and light to heal someone’s hands, broken bones, and a stab wound anyone could’ve walked with.” Even as she said the words, she looked confused. </p><p>Was their perspective just skewed? Jinsoul couldn’t help but think of the dinner, of Jungeun’s view of her injuries and her health. Those things barred them from seeing pain as something you could remedy. They made it so that these people applauded the struggle—the battle of pushing through pain to keep fighting a bit longer. </p><p>“And what does that have to do with me?” </p><p>“You’re the healer,” Reyna replied. “And Jungeun barely tolerates the rest in your camp.” She gave her a pointed look, as if what she was saying made sense. “It’s a good thing. I just wanted to know the reason for it.”</p><p>“There isn’t one,” Jinsoul said. “She just knew to combine the two because of—” She broke off, thinking about the day. She remembered the sheer awe she’d seen in Jungeun’s eyes. “She’d learned that the light could ease the pain,” she said quickly. </p><p>Reyna looked unconvinced, but she didn’t say much else. </p><p>Jinsoul knew what to fill the silence with this time. "Are you worried for tomorrow?" </p><p>Her brow shot up. "Witches are hardly a match for her."</p><p>"Anyone can be caught off guard," Jinsoul said. That was something even Jungeun believed. </p><p>"She's prepared for that," Reyna replied. "She always is." </p><p>Jinsoul couldn't help but frown at the certainty in those words. If she'd learned something, it was that Jungeun was the last person to share that sort of attitude. "Then why are you worried?" </p><p>"Witches like making longer deals with us," she said. "And Jungeun's the one they know of the most among their covens." She smiled ever so slightly. </p><p>"How is that a good thing?" It made her a target to even more people. As soon as an mortal opportunist heard of the people who wanted Jungeun dead, they'd try their luck. </p><p>Naive mortals would risk their lives for a reward like that. What if tomorrow was the same? </p><p>Reyna's gaze was searching again. "You do know what her life has been, don't you?" </p><p>Jinsoul nearly scowled. "I'm not blind." </p><p>"Then you'll know how tomorrow will go, as well as that ordeal with the blood elves." She gave her another once-over. "And with a healer at her side, she'll be all the better for it." She bid Jinsoul a curt goodnight then, leaving soon after. </p><p>Jinsoul went back to her accommodations as well. Most of the people she’d seen earlier were gone, leaving only people in quiet, slurred conversations with one another. </p><p>When she laid down, she managed to relax. She was tired, but still not enough to sleep through the next hours. </p><p>She was awake long enough to hear how distant animals roused for the new days, the occasional hoots as well. Even then, very few elves were awake. </p><p>When she heard the first bird call, Jinsoul finally managed to fall asleep. </p><p>She lived through a memory that wasn’t her own. She heard screams that she hadn’t caused, but still clawed at her heart. She saw flames engulf people, trees, and the earth itself. </p><p>Then the fire faded into red swathes of light, scraping across the night sky. Then the slow glow of red and orange overcame the sky. It pulsed, so much unlike a sunrise, but the colours filled the midnight’s expanses. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Author's Note </p><p>It's been a while since the last update, I know. It'll probably be some time until the next. I've nearly been drowning in my studies and haven't had the energy for either of my stories, at least not for a consistent writing and editing session. However, I'm happy to say I've had a three-day break and this chapter's the result of that. I'll still be busy for a few weeks until my exam, and we'll see how things go from there. </p><p> </p><p>This was definitely one of the harder chapters to write. I had the main disagreement written shortly after writing the last chapter, but the rest was relatively new. It's something I've been waiting for, mostly because the main changes in Jinsoul's perspective won't come just from learning more about Jungeun. That'll feature more in the next chapters, as well as a bit more awareness of who Jungeun is as a whole. </p><p> </p><p>It's been difficult to balance the two characters. Jinsoul's character here is very different to the person she is later on, and she's more flawed than she is in the other story. Sometimes it's frustrating and there're moments, specifically like the one in this chapter, where I wasn't sure how far things would end up going. </p><p>I haven't been writing for this story in about a month, but I've loved coming back to it. </p><p>Hope you're all doing well! See you next chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Stuck in the past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jinsoul woke with a start. Her chest ached, the feeling crawling all the way to her throat. She sat up, taking deep breaths, trying to still her heart. Had she had a nightmare and just not remembered it? </p><p>She set to packing her things, listening to what was happening around her. </p><p>People walked by, their conversations ranging from blood elves, the Astra, to the meeting this morning. </p><p>“Left before we could even get a team together,” someone said. </p><p>Jinsoul straightened. </p><p>“She’d never let it happen,” another replied. </p><p>She stopped listening. Had Jungeun really just gone to the meeting already? Was this that same confidence Reyna had had? Or the same reason why she didn’t hide her name from people? </p><p>Jinsoul shouldered her bag and went outside. </p><p>The sun was near blinding from where it stood in the sky. Jinsoul flinched. Even with the short time spent in the night, she was starting to find the sun almost too bright. </p><p>She realised then she didn’t know where she was going. She was also getting hungry. She’d lost her appetite yesterday. </p><p>Then she remembered the words she’d said to Jungeun. Jinsoul grimaced. So much for breakfast.  </p><p>She walked to where there were less people. </p><p>Few looked her way, most probably focused on getting breakfast. Jinsoul was grateful for that. </p><p>“Jinsoul?” It was Thea, slipping away from the people passing by. Jinsoul hadn’t even spotted her before. “Were you going somewhere?”</p><p>Now people were looking at them. Were Jungeun’s parents elders? She’d hardly talked about them. She hadn’t had a reason to, but no one else had mentioned just how renowned Jungeun and her family seemed to be. </p><p>“I don’t think so,” Jinsoul admitted. “I didn’t really know where to go.” </p><p>“I was going to go into town,” Thea said. “Care to come with?” </p><p>She nodded. “Why’re we going?” She almost needed to jog to keep up with the woman’s long strides. Jungeun didn’t really share that. </p><p>“We’ve been spoiled with good bread,” she replied. “This’s the daily order.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “And people don’t wonder why?” </p><p>“If we’re regular customers, the mortals usually don’t question that.” They stopped at the house Daran had showed her yesterday. “Put your things there. Jungeun has hers ready for when you leave as well.” </p><p>The mention of Jungeun just reminded her even more of what she’d said. She wondered if Jungeun was type of daughter who’d tell her mother these things. </p><p>Thea smiled. “We’ll talk more when we’re out of earshot.”</p><p>Even if Jungeun hadn’t told her, Thea definitely knew something. </p><p>Jinsoul steeled herself for that moment. </p><p>_____</p><p>The walk out of the camp was filled with Thea asking her surprisingly harmless questions. She asked about Jinsoul’s magic, if it was only water. She asked if Jinsoul’s people had really been the closest to the elves under the surface. Jinsoul shook her head. “There’s too many like me there,” she said. “Fresh-water Arcsa.” </p><p>Thea raised a brow. “They make much of a distinction there?” </p><p>“Some of the sea elves have a bit of a superiority complex.” </p><p>She laughed. “And then you’re sent to the Astra.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “They’re not as bad.” </p><p>She should have expected that Thea would be good at making her feel at ease. She wondered if the two had planned it. If, after they’d realised how things actually were, they’d decided the order in which they’d approach Jinsoul about it. </p><p>It would’ve been funny had Jinsoul not been at the receiving end of both. </p><p>“The fae say that red is the colour of anger,” Thea said. “For us it’s simply the colour of blood.” </p><p>Jinsoul knew exactly where this was going. She swallowed every word she could’ve said then. She wouldn’t say those things now, not to Thea, not after yesterday. </p><p>“She was born to a blood moon, born with red eyes, and fire in her blood.” There was no pride in her eyes. Jinsoul couldn’t decipher what it was that she saw. “You’d have thought we were trying to fulfil a prophecy with how her life began. We had a mental fae to block her magic for the first years.” </p><p>Jinsoul grimaced. “And that helped?” </p><p>“Her own flames burned her,” Thea replied. “She learned how to resist that when she was four.”</p><p>Jungeun had told her she’d needed to focus to not be burnt. Was it now a reflex for her? </p><p>“Why’d you ask me to come with you?” Jinsoul asked. “Was it to tell me this?”</p><p>Thea laughed softly. “Don’t want to gradually find it out?” </p><p>“No,” she admitted. “Her friends have already tried to do that. They take too long to get to what they’d wanted to say in the first place.” </p><p>She simply smiled at that. It wasn’t clear if she was agreeing or preparing to say all the reasons why Jinsoul was wrong. “I’m not here to excuse what she’s done. She wouldn’t either.”</p><p>“But many here applaud it.” Jinsoul decided then that she wouldn’t hide what she was thinking. Thea knew about at least some of her opinion. Jinsoul also didn’t feel like lying to the woman would help either of them. </p><p>Thea nodded. “Is that what bothers you the most?” </p><p>“No, I—” Jinsoul broke off. Impulse had gotten her nowhere, even if she did believe what she said. “It did yesterday.” </p><p>“You did only hear the most vocal of our people.” She kept walking, stepping over a rock as she did. “We’re not all fighters, nor do we all glorify violence.” She held up a hand. “For most, it’s as simple as her being the one there to defend us, to fight those others wouldn’t be able to.” </p><p>“So they see her as a hero?” Even saying it, the words felt wrong. The Astra seemed to share that view as well. </p><p>“Some do,” Thea said. “And most forget why she’s the one we sent to fight those battles.” </p><p><em>We sent</em>, the mere phrasing twisted Jinsoul’s stomach. “Did she want that?” Jinsoul asked. “At the start.” </p><p>“She was born to a blood moon,” she replied. “With red eyes and fire in her blood.” Her eyes went to the sky even though it was bright blue. “A child either marked for death or destined to be the cause of it.” </p><p>Ice settled in Jinsoul’s stomach, twisting it. Did Jungeun really think her only purpose was to fight? If they’d said that she was destined for it since she was born, of course she did. “It didn’t have to mean either of those things.”</p><p>“She adored the training,” Thea said. “She loved learning how to master the flames and when,” she hesitated, “from the moment she could hold a weapon, we started her training. Then she started wanting to train even after she’d hurt herself.” She glanced at the ground before looking back to Jinsoul. “You would’ve thought we were worse than she was if you’d seen that. Her parents and her other trainers, she was training when her arm broke, when she’d gotten back from a fight, when she was freezing, when she was sick, I—“ She broke off with a strained laugh. “I probably shouldn’t even be telling you all of this.” </p><p>“Then why are you?” </p><p>It made sense. Jungeun had been applauded for working through her own pain in the past. Jinsoul wondered where what Reyna had told her was supposed to fall. Maybe Jungeun really only applied that expectation of strength to herself. It wasn’t healthy, but here it was seen as admirable. </p><p>Thea looked at her. “Because when you see her, you see the same person the rest do. My people applaud her, you abhor it.” The smile she gave her was even more strained. “So does she. She has since she first took someone’s life.”</p><p>“But she didn’t stop.” Jinsoul thought of shame she'd seen in Jungeun's eyes, as well as the turmoil that was either buried, or just below the surface. From the way Thea described it, there were very clearly people to blame. </p><p>“I sometimes wish she had,” she said quietly. The guilt there was familiar, but not as strong. It didn’t help that she’d used the word ‘sometimes’. “I only realised why she hadn’t years later.”</p><p>Jinsoul tensed, wondering if this would be Thea’s attempt to convince her. </p><p>“Knowing of her birth, what it meant, that’s stayed with her for years.” Thea shook her head. “And she does find some sort of solace when she fights, when she can use her magic freely.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but shake her head. “So you’ll just accept those things? Let her believe she was <em>born</em> to do this? You’ll admit there’s a part of her that wants to fight? To kill?”</p><p>“We wanted her to allow herself an escape,” Thea said, a hint of harshness to her voice. Or was it just frustration? “We’re responsible for who she is, what she did. We believed in the signs.” The frustration faded. “She should’ve blamed the rest of us, blamed the moon even, for being red that day.” </p><p>Again, Jinsoul saw pain in red eyes. Defeat joined it, along with shame. </p><p>“But she only blames herself,” Jinsoul said. “Did you ever actually tell her what she was supposed to blame? Of all the things to convince her of, why couldn’t it have been that?” It felt wrong to say, as though somehow it was taking away from Jungeun’s actions, making them somehow acceptable. </p><p>But even then, for a young girl to take on the role of a warrior, before she even knew what killing meant—that felt even worse to think about. And it'd already happened. </p><p>Jinsoul thought of the pained expression on Jungeun's face as she’d fought that elf.  She thought of the guilt that bubbled up repeatedly. She thought of how Jungeun barely managed to sleep without a nightmare reaching her.  </p><p>Thea held her gaze, even though the guilt was stronger now. It reminded Jinsoul too much of yesterday. </p><p>She was about to tell her it was alright, but it wasn’t. Jungeun didn’t blame her parents, or any of her people. Jinsoul hadn’t seen a trace of resentment. If anything, she’d seen exactly the opposite. </p><p>“Was there a time where she did blame you?” Jinsoul asked. She thought of the sheer amount of love in Jungeun’s eyes when she’d seen her parents. She thought of the fondness in them when she’d spoken of her people. </p><p>“In the very beginning,” Thea said. “And then she saw how people grew afraid of her. At the same time, we’d called her a hero, while the rest called her a monster.” She regarded Jinsoul with those pale blue eyes of hers. </p><p>She felt a burst of shame. And the urge to apologise. She could also feel how the woman was struggling to hold back her tears. </p><p>“Some do it rightfully,” Thea said. “They lost family to flames and Jungeun has never been ruthless enough to not consider that.” Her smile faded. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t know what to say. She also didn’t think she was supposed to say anything. She wondered if Thea had always thought of Jungeun’s past like this. And why she’d continued to keep her on that path if she felt such sadness for it. </p><p>She was also at a loss for reasons why Thea would tell <em>her</em>. </p><p>“Jungeun kept fighting, because she was becoming the best at it. She kept fighting, because she stopped fearing those she fought.” Thea shook her head, worry and something close to anger flashing across her eyes. “And she fights now, because it would be impossible to forgive her for all that she’s done.” </p><p>The same disgust of yesterday returned. Jinsoul forced it down. “You mean she grew numb to it.” Even as she said the words, she knew they were false. Jungeun wasn’t numb to any of it. </p><p>Thea seemed to know Jinsoul didn’t believe her own words. “It’s easier to kill ten if you’ve already killed twice that many.” Her voice was thick, while her eyes were glassy. “That was what she usually said, but the numbers got larger, until—” She was quiet then. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want to let those words sink in. She didn’t want to hear any of this. </p><p>“You have fought before, haven’t you?” </p><p>“Of course I have.” Jinsoul knew she sounded sharp. Was Thea going to try and—</p><p>“We have a fair amount of people who haven’t. As do the Astra.” </p><p>“And what does that have to do with me?” </p><p>“Because you know what it means to end an endless life." </p><p>Jinsoul flinched. </p><p>Thea’s gaze softened. She didn’t fill the silence that followed either. Was she trying to say that Jungeun knew how it felt to do that countless times? Jinsoul already knew that. To Jungeun, fighting as she did was normal. She pushed down her guilt, but she’d never stopped feeling it. How she’d pushed through that, Jinsoul still didn’t know. Was it because a part of her needed it? Or because a part of her believed it was her purpose? What was Thea trying to tell her? And why couldn’t she just say it outright? </p><p>The sounds of a human carriage reached Jinsoul’s ears then. </p><p>She cast the illusion over her hair, colouring it black. </p><p>Thea’s turned a chestnut brown. Like her daughter, it made her seem more human. </p><p>“Now,” whatever tears Thea had held back were gone, “time to get the bread.”</p><p>The rest of the walk was silent. Jinsoul was also starting to get used to that. </p><p>______</p><p>Bread for an entire people meant a great deal of sacks and a large cart. The baker had frowned as he’d stared at the bread, but it’d faded completely when he saw them. As well as the gold Thea had brought. The baker hadn’t even baked all of it, some having been ordered from other parts of the region. </p><p>Jinsoul pulled the cart with one hand and held a sack with the other. The cart was so full that not even one could have been added to the pile. </p><p>“How did you know?” Jinsoul asked. “How’d you know that we weren’t—that I,” she trailed off, not knowing how to finish that. </p><p>“That you were somewhat critical of her?” </p><p>Jinsoul had to laugh. “Somewhat?”</p><p>“Neither of you have—” She shrugged. “Well, the two of you did come here together.” </p><p>“She offered,” Jinsoul replied. Already, she dreaded the journey to her home. </p><p>“You agreed.” </p><p>The next moment felt like a long one, but it only lasted a few seconds. Thea’s brow had risen ever so slightly, without her gaze giving much else away. </p><p>“Yesterday,” Jinsoul began, “I said some things I wish I hadn’t. </p><p>“I thought as much.” Thea nodded once. “But she’s very forgiving.” </p><p>“Not with this,” Jinsoul said. “Not with what I said.” </p><p>“You regret it,” Thea paused in her steps, “and she’ll see that.” </p><p>She stopped walking as well, careful not to tip the cart. “Had you heard, if you knew all that I’d said, how I acted.” That shame was still there, growing heavier. </p><p>“I haven’t,” she said, “but Jungeun has.” A flicker of sadness appeared in her eyes. “Whether or not I agree, she won’t hold a grudge for any of that.” </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to ask why she was so certain. She had no idea how Jungeun had looked yesterday, when Jinsoul had thrown so much of her life, her regrets, back into her face. </p><p>Thea kept talking before she could even start to describe it. “If I’ve wanted one thing to come from meeting you, from talking to you, it’s this.” She turned to face her fully. “I’m not asking you to excuse the past, I know how far that is from what you actually believe. And I can’t act as though I don’t hate others for the same reasons they hate her.”</p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t hide her surprise. Unlike Daran, or the Astrans, there wasn’t the subtle (or not so subtle) hint that Thea thought she was wrong. </p><p>“I only ask that you try to keep her from being stuck in the past.” </p><p>The words wrenched at Jinsoul’s heart. She’d failed to do that. “I don’t—I can’t—" She could’ve slapped herself for not having a better response. </p><p>Thea smiled. It was too warm. “If you don’t have the patience, or even the will, I understand,” she said. “But even if it’s as small as waking her when she,” she faltered. Something was very much strained in her eyes. Jinsoul knew that look. “When she has those dreams,” she finished. “Then just waking her is enough.”</p><p>The understanding in her voice, coupled with the way her voice trembled—Jinsoul knew those things very well. Even after such a short time. And then with Daran, even if the outright stoicism wasn’t familiar, Jinsoul could piece together what Jungeun had inherited. She was also beginning to understand what seemed to belong wholly to Jungeun. </p><p>“Either way,” Thea straightened, a warmer smile appearing, “they’ll be waiting. The bread deliveries have succeeded in making most practically spoiled by mortal kitchens.” Her eyes twinkled. “Even if none of them would ever admit it.” She hefted the two large sacks in her arms, before setting off. </p><p>Jinsoul adjusted her own grip on the overflowing cart and followed, her mind almost entirely flooded with what Thea had told her. What she’d asked her, knowing well enough that Jinsoul was far from the person who should’ve known any of this, it seemed unfair. </p><p>While also reminding her of how unfair she’d been to Jungeun. </p><p>It wasn’t that Jinsoul felt worse now. She just had more questions, as well as more reason to regret everything she’d said yesterday. </p><p>The more she listened, the more she questioned what exactly people were talking about when they said she was wrong. Was it the words she was saying, or something else? She still wasn’t sure. </p><p>And it seemed Thea wasn’t finished, because she turned to Jinsoul again. </p><p>Jinsoul prepared herself for the next onslaught of information. </p><p>“You have a freedom Jungeun didn’t have,” Thea said slowly. “Few who hate you, not many who fear you, but so many who admire and respect you. She told me that your departure was dreaded and that you were missed.” </p><p>“She told you?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>“A lot can be spotted in a day,” Thea shrugged, “as I’m sure you’ve been watching out for everything you see here.”</p><p>She felt a small blush rise up her neck. She counted herself lucky that Jungeun wasn’t as prying as her mother. </p><p>“She never said you were a healer, did she?” There was that searching look again. </p><p><em>What I mean is you don’t have to get stuck on one thing again. Well, not stuck, but—I mean</em>—</p><p>“She tried to make it really clear I could choose what I did for the Astra,” Jinsoul said. “Because she didn’t just have to fight for the Astra, she could help people too.”</p><p>“Even heal them.”</p><p>Jinsoul stumbled.</p><p>Thea caught her, a slightly amused smile on her face. “I was surprised as well.” After a short pause, she added, “Reyna told me.” </p><p>“Me too,” Jinsoul said. Maybe Thea would make some sense of what Reyna had been trying to tell her.</p><p>“Probably without much of an explanation?” </p><p>“She said Jungeun changed and wanted to know if something had happened.” </p><p>“And?” </p><p>“Nothing happened,” Jinsoul said. “There’re other reasons she would have changed. Before me.” </p><p>“So Reyna thought you might’ve been the reason?” There was that expression again. The one she could barely read. </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “Change doesn’t occur in a matter of months.” </p><p>“It can,” Thea replied. “Perhaps more drastically for mortals, but we can live in the present just as intensely as the do. Some would say more.”</p><p>“We don’t change anywhere near as quickly,” Jinsoul said. “That takes a lot more time, especially something like that.” </p><p>“Like that?” Her brow rose higher. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered how much of this afternoon had been to simply pressure Jinsoul into explaining herself and listening to reasons why Thea thought she was wrong. </p><p>“Willing to heal wounds she would’ve forced herself to fight with, or getting rid of the infection, or pain.” Jinsoul shrugged. “Everything that should be dealt with, no matter if you’re a healer or not.” </p><p>Thea just smiled. There was a flicker of something, almost as if she was pleased. </p><p>Jinsoul steered the cart out of the way of a rock. The one they’d seen earlier. </p><p>And then Thea spoke again. “Did you heal her?” </p><p>Jinsoul fought a sigh. “I’m not a healer for the Astra.” A part of her wanted to add ‘yet’, but she bit it back. </p><p>“Does that mean you haven’t healed anyone since the moon chose you?” </p><p>Jinsoul peered at her from the corner of her eye. “I have,” she said. “Some of the people I've been on patrol with. Jungeun too.” </p><p>Thea hummed once. “And she let you?” </p><p>She frowned. “Can I ask why this is at all important? To you, to Reyna?” She looked at her fully. “You’re both making it seem a lot bigger than it actually is.” </p><p>“It's a big change when you know what Jungeun is like.” </p><p>Jinsoul nearly said she did, but held that back. </p><p>“She’s stubborn enough to get sick every year and not move to a warmer place for the winter. The longest she would’ve spent resting would’ve been the sunrise.”  </p><p><em>I know</em>, Jinsoul thought, thinking of how she’d threatened to tie Jungeun to the bed if she kept trying to leave for patrol. It’d taken two rounds of threatening her and making a tea they both knew would make her tired for Jungeun to stay in bed for most of the day. </p><p>“And she’d rather get an infection than waste time cleaning the wound.” </p><p><em>Saw that too</em>. Jinsoul thought of how Jungeun had let her wounds soak into her clothes, how she’d walked all the way to see Yeri before she let Jinsoul heal her wounds. </p><p>“Well,” Thea let out a small sigh, “other than that, it’s not important, I suppose.” Her step quickened. She was well in the lead as Jinsoul continued to drag the cart across the forest floor. </p><p>And finally, it seemed as if Thea had decided to leave all matters of Jungeun for the day. Jinsoul highly doubted she’d be returning here any time soon. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun was already there when they arrived. She was talking to her father in a hushed voice. People were still listening in. No one looked very reassured. </p><p>Even though Jungeun seemed unharmed. Jinsoul was almost relieved it hadn’t been a trap, even if Jungeun had gone into it without much consideration beyond <em>I’ll be ready</em>. </p><p>“And?” Thea pushed the sacks of bread into someone’s arms. “Take that up,” she said to the next person, nodding to the cart. </p><p>Jinsoul was grateful that she didn’t need to balance the thing anymore. She was positive that one of its wheels was close to falling off. </p><p>“Nothing happened,” Jungeun said, but her jaw was tight. “They paid with gold, more than the others do,” she pointed to the bag Daran still held, “and the rest of the payment,” her frown deepened, “was information.” </p><p>“Information where we still don’t know if it’s true or not,” Reyna said. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes flicked to Reyna then. Jinsoul was surprised at the irritation she saw there. </p><p>“What was it?” Thea asked. She was looking between the two, before she glanced Daran’s way. There seemed to be a short conversation then. “Have you already sent someone to ask a witch about it?” </p><p>“I don’t think we’ll need to,” someone else said. She was quite short, even in comparison to Jinsoul. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “They told me something’s being planned for here and we should be ready.” Her eyes went to her parents then, the worry in them clear. </p><p>People shifted, some looking uneasy as they looked at Jungeun. Clearly, that expression, the worry in general, wasn’t something that they usually saw. With what Thea had told her, it said something that Jungeun’s worry could have such an effect. </p><p>“They could just be trying to scare you,” Reyna said. </p><p>“You don’t send me to kill one of their own, someone they should’ve been able to take on themselves,” Jungeun looked at her, “and <em>then</em> try to scare me.” </p><p>“Then we see if there’s been a change,” Pollux shrugged, “and if there is, we’ll prepare.” </p><p>Jungeun’s breath came out in a small sigh. It was as if the energy had left her. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder why that was. It’d happened quickly as well. </p><p>Jungeun looked up, only to meet Jinsoul’s gaze then. </p><p>She suddenly felt the urge to look away, but she forced herself not to. </p><p>The smallest of smiles appeared. </p><p>“Tell me what happens when you know,” Jungeun said then, looking to her parents, as well as people who looked like they were the elders. “We have to go.” </p><p>“Already?” Reyna looked to Jinsoul then. </p><p>“Already.” Jungeun nodded. She was already pulling away from the crowd. “See you all next time.” A warm grin spread across her face. Then she was already walking away. No other goodbyes.</p><p>Jinsoul had no choice but to follow her as well. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything once Jinsoul was near, but she did send her an actual smile. It actually met her eyes. </p><p>She knew she probably looked confused when she saw it. </p><p>
  <em>Whether or not I agree, she won’t hold a grudge for any of that.</em>
</p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that smile. It barely made any sense. She must’ve been relieved that nothing had happened with the witches. </p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsoul started. </p><p>“Do you still want to do it?” Jungeun asked. She opened the door of the house and slipped in. She handed Jinsoul her bag. “I can still pretend we got a call to go back ho—back to camp.” </p><p><em>Back home</em>. Jinsoul decided not to comment on that. “We'll see what happened, and then see what we do.” She fiddled with the strings at the top of the sack. “Do you still want to go?” </p><p>She shrugged. “If we manage it now, there’s still a chance they just have to be sent away.” She slipped past Jinsoul and to the door. “And then we’ll go to your people,” she said over her shoulder, “sound good?” </p><p>Jinsoul spotted the hesitance in her gaze, but there wasn’t any other sort of strain there, or discomfort either. </p><p>“Good,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun smiled. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but look away then. There was still that weight on her chest. Jungeun could be easy to read, but not always. </p><p>As they walked, Jinsoul couldn’t help but think she was missing something.</p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun had managed to silently put Jinsoul into the lead. She waited a moment too long when they arrived, letting the person they talked to look to Jinsoul instead of her. Then she asked short questions in between.</p><p>They learned that the elves did indeed a leader, one who’d been born with a magic over both healing and blood itself. She’d employed the help of witches over the years to find others like her, or even with only abilities over blood or other parts of the body. She’d trained them to better control that part of their magic, trying to bridge the gap between the destructive and healing components of that magic. </p><p>She’d stayed as a healer for a long time, but began to join in on battles. There she started to exercise the blood magic. For a short time, it’d been rejected, but then the elders had accepted it. </p><p>Until it had gone too far. She hadn’t recognised that she’d started to enjoy using that magic. Some of her students had come to share that. All magic gave the user a feeling, sometimes good, sometimes better than that. Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder if the blood magic gave them the same feeling she had with the ocean. She wondered if there was an allure she hadn’t considered with it. </p><p>They’d attacked a coven of vampires, many of whom hadn’t been killed, only heavily deformed by the blood they’d consumed. It’d been a horrifying display of cruelty. The main clan had called on the help of mental fae to keep control, for some sort of help that still wasn’t clear. The blood elves had fled after killing two fairies. </p><p>A group of a group of Warsa had been sent after them, both because of the pleas for their help, as well as their own opposition to what had happened with the vampires. </p><p>They’d been killed. Only two of ten elves had survived. They’d been left scarred.</p><p>Very few had gone after them. It was a combination of fear and leftover sympathy for the once healers. Some still respected the leader, as well as some of her followers, still unable to understand how things had changed. Others were terrified they’d succumb to the same fate if they tried. </p><p>So they’d reached out to as many elves as they could. Many had rejected it. </p><p>The mental fae also didn’t want to risk their people, not when the blood elves weren’t attacking anyone else. Not yet at least. </p><p>Jinsoul had recognised the name then, as well as remembered the face to it. Ildra had been one of the few elves to offer training to other clans. It'd been many years ago, but Jinsoul had still learned more than enough, especially about healing that didn't need actual magic. </p><p>“What do you do when someone leaves?” Jinsoul asked. “And they're like that? Dangerous."</p><p>“We,” Jungeun paused, “I go after them. Sometimes Reyna or Pollux are with me, or others. It defends on who they were.” She shook her head. “But we've only had that happen three times.” The same flicker of guilt came then. </p><p>Jinsoul shifted her attention to the sky then. “We send a group of volunteers. Usually those under the sea come with us if it’s a blood-wielder.“</p><p>“And they didn’t know about this?” </p><p>“These aren’t Arcsa.” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul nodded, “they don’t care much if it’s a landed threat. As long as they can’t come below the surface.” She remembered going on trips to the depths, only to be turned away because their problems weren't 'important enough'. </p><p>Her brow smoothed over. “Well, we don’t know much of anything about the threats down there.” She snorted. “And the ocean’s the last place you’ll find me.” </p><p>“Are you afraid of it?” </p><p>“It’s a lot of water,” Jungeun said. “And I can’t breathe under it.” </p><p>“And swimming?” </p><p>“I stay away from water.” </p><p>“You came to the sea before. You’ll be going there again.” </p><p>“The chances of a wave dragging me in are slim.” A pause. “I hope.” She glanced Jinsoul’s way. </p><p>“They are,” Jinsoul said. “I could tell them to launch you back to the surface if you want. Or tell the creatures to push you back.”</p><p>A small chuckle. “Would that work?” </p><p>Jinsoul raised a brow. “Most dolphins enjoy saving people. Makes them feel even more superior,” she waggled her fingers, “even if they’re often envious of these.” </p><p>Jungeun looked at her. “Even more superior?” </p><p>“Their sense of strategy, communication, and reasoning matches ours. I know some that’re smarter than I am.” She could almost hear how a lot of people would tell her that wasn’t hard. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t look like she’d made that connection. “Wow.” She leaped over a fallen tree. It was as wide as she was tall. “Is that a language you learn or a part of your magic?” </p><p>“Both,” Jinsoul replied. “It’s a sort of telepathy I have with the creatures, but at a longer range, I can’t really make the right sounds. The Arcsa underneath can.” </p><p>She nodded. “But actually talking to them,” she chuckled, “that’s incredible.” Then she paused, before turning to face her. “You said the Arcsa can speak with them. Is it peaceful there with the creatures?” </p><p>“Mostly,” she admitted. “It’s a sensitive thing. Even if I know a shoal relatively well, I can’t quite save them from a shark or other predator. Not only am I stopping them from eating, but I’m also upsetting the order that’s supposed to be there. Just like we can take food from the ocean sometimes, but not excessively.” </p><p>“Balanced,” Jungeun said. “I’ve never heard of that being present on land.” </p><p>“There’s not enough people who can speak to them,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>She nodded once. </p><p>They kept walking. Jungeun hadn’t mentioned anything from before, not this entire time. It'd been two days. There also hadn’t been any extremely uncomfortable silences either. They hadn’t been very comfortable either, but it still wasn’t what she’d expected.</p><p>Jinsoul still had questions, both about Jungeun herself, as well as her home. She wondered how many answers Jungeun would have, or how many she’d even be willing to give. </p><p>“This might be a mission we don’t come back from.” </p><p>“All missions are ones people might not come back from,” Jungeun said. “They’re also ones we might come back from.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Isn’t that obvious?” </p><p>“It depends,” Jungeun nodded once, “if it’s an easy one, we believe more in one outcome. If it isn’t, we’re afraid of the second.” </p><p>“So what is it? You’re not scared anymore?” Jinsoul thought of what Thea had told her. How she wasn’t afraid of those she’d fought. </p><p>“I didn’t say that.” She smiled slightly. “I’m just scared of both kinds.” She ducked under a branch. </p><p>“Wait.”</p><p>Jungeun turned around, stopping. </p><p>“Do you think we’ll fight them?” </p><p>“I think we’ll have to,” Jungeun nodded, “but we can—or you can, try talking to them.” Then she bit her lip. “We could let them stay where they are,” she said. “Or we let them know we’re coming. Give a warning, a place to meet.” </p><p>“Have you ever done that?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Jinsoul was surprised. She probably looked it too. </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “Might’ve been a good idea at other times.” She looked at her hand, a small frown appearing. </p><p>She started walking again. Jungeun was a few steps behind. </p><p>“We’ll send the message,” Jinsoul said. “Should they know you’re here?” </p><p>“They’ll take it a lot worse if they find out at the meeting,” Jungeun said. “I could also,” she trailed off. <em>Stay behind.</em></p><p>“It might be better if you come,” Jinsoul said. “If they have any idea who I am, they’ll keep us away from water if they want to fight.” </p><p>“But you don’t want one?” </p><p>“I never do,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>Something flickered in her expression at that. Jungeun nodded again. </p><p>After they wrote out the passage and sent it off, Jungeun didn’t say anything else. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t either. </p><p>Once again, there was silence. Slowly, but steadily, it was getting better. Even then, it was still strained. </p><p>______</p><p>It was quiet before they attacked. Jinsoul hadn't heard anything, save for the rustle of the trees. </p><p>And then Jungeun’s scream tore into the air. It clawed at Jinsoul’s ears. </p><p>She saw her cradle her hands. There was no blood, but they were both mangled. </p><p>Fire appeared in a ring around them. </p><p>“Two in our left.” Jungeun was struggling to stay upright. Tears were streaming down her face. “One’s behind us. The rest,” she winced, “they’re coming.” </p><p>“Stop!” Jinsoul yelled. “We’re not here to hurt you.” She searched the light. She could feel the magic start to pull on her blood. She’d felt that before. </p><p>She searched for water and seized it. </p><p>There were loud crashes as it went through the trees. She didn’t let it snag on any person, but she did wrap some around Jungeun’s hands and all across her own skin. Light flooded the space around them. She hadn’t meant for the moonlight to come. </p><p>The tug of the blood magic faded. She’d caught them by surprise, or else they would’ve taken her arms, legs, or just killed her then and there. </p><p>“We took the contract,” Jinsoul said. “But we’re not here to fight, not unless you give us a reason to.” </p><p>“Then why bring the fire elf?” someone called. “In case we would fight?” </p><p>She looked down at Jungeun, only to see her looking back at her. Even with all the pain, Jinsoul could see that Jungeun would stand back for all of this. Unless Jinsoul needed her help. </p><p>“She won’t hurt you,” Jinsoul said. “I wouldn’t be here with her if she was going to.” She didn’t mention that they’d known Jungeun was coming. They’d had a warning. </p><p>“Did they give her a leash?” Someone else scoffed. “Who are you?” </p><p>“A healer from the southern Arcesh,” Jinsoul replied. “From the surface, not below it.” She let the water around them subside, making some of it flow back to the river. At least they’d let them meet in the area of one. </p><p>The elves were starting to show themselves. Most looked at Jungeun, hands raised in warning. All of them had come. </p><p>Jinsoul tried not to look afraid. She’d faced blood wielders from below the surface before, ones whose magic was even more advanced, more dangerous. </p><p>Jinsoul made the water coat Jungeun’s skin, giving her what she hoped was a reassuring look. There was still light there. The magic within the water would defend against the first surge of blood magic. They’d be able to push through it, but they weren’t yet. Jinsoul hoped the moonlight would strengthen that magic, not weaken it. </p><p>Jungeun was trembling, but her eyes didn’t give away anything. Neither fear, or even pain.</p><p>“Jinsoul, isn’t it?” The voice was one she recognised. Only from fleeting encounters and barked orders. </p><p>Jinsoul met Ildra’s gaze. Her eyes were a warm orange, but her magic was still on the edges of Jinsoul’s.</p><p>Had it just been Jungeun, Jinsoul was almost certain she’d have died going after them. Unless there would’ve been another approach. </p><p>Maybe that approach could've let Jungeun avoid getting hurt.  </p><p>“Did you come because of our deeds or our magic?” </p><p>“Because of what you did before you really started using that magic,” Jinsoul said. “You saved so many lives, and you still could.” It was a longer process, but the elves beneath the surface used it too. They didn’t want it on the surface, only with a few exceptions. </p><p>Ildra’s lip curled. “When they found out, it was difficult for my people to even let me be near. What makes you think anyone’ll let us near an open wound?” </p><p>“What’s the alternative?” Jinsoul asked. “There’ll be more sent after you. Those under the surface won’t yet, but if you keep using your magic <em>against</em> the living instead of for them, then they’ll come.” </p><p>There was a sudden pressure on Jinsoul’s leg. </p><p>She called on the water. The press of the magic eased. </p><p>No more attacks came. It’d been a warning. </p><p>So Jinsoul let the water hang in the air as well. The elves eyed it, a hint of fear there. </p><p>Ildra was looking at Jungeun now. “You’re honestly the perfect one to have been sent after us,” she laughed, “you see the hypocrisy yourself, don’t you?” </p><p>“I didn’t take the contract,” Jungeun replied, her voice shaky. “Not really.” </p><p>Ildra looked at her. “You mean we’d be dead otherwise?” </p><p>She didn’t reply. Jinsoul noted that she didn’t look smug, or even cold. There was something in between. And she was still in agony, but somehow not bent over in pain. </p><p>“From where I stand, you’ve given up every chance of slaughtering us this time.”</p><p>Jungeun didn’t flinch, but Jinsoul knew the words had hurt. </p><p>“You knew we were coming, you chose this place,” Jinsoul said. “Why agree to it?” </p><p>“She’s an excellent bargain,” Ildra replied. “And someone else wants the pleasure of killing her.” </p><p>Jungeun groaned in the next moment. She raised a ruined hand to her head. Were they controlling the blood in her brain?</p><p>“We’ll let you go,” Ildra said. Her hand was curled into a loose fist. “If you let us go with her.” </p><p>Jungeun fell to the ground, eyes open, but unmoving. She was looking around frantically. The fire around them had vanished. </p><p>Then red eyes met Jinsoul’s. The fear left them. The smallest hint of warmth appeared there, but there was something else as well. That expression was familiar, with an element of defeat to it now. </p><p>It was all Jinsoul needed to make her decision. </p><p>She took the water from Jungeun’s skin, the water that she’d let slowly drift towards the river, before launching it at every single person around them. She summoned the water she’d sent away. It still shone with water.</p><p>Something yanked at her chest, but the moment she engulfed Ildra in water, it faded. </p><p>Her leg was twisted, before it snapped, but not before Jinsoul filled each of their lungs with water. </p><p>Then the pressure of the blood magic faded. </p><p>She looked to Jungeun, relieved to see that their focus had only been on Jinsoul and not her. </p><p>Jinsoul took the water away. </p><p>Ildra fell from the glittering whirlpool, hacking out her lungs. The others coughed as well. </p><p>“You won’t be able to try anything else,” Jinsoul said, wrapping their arms and legs, before freezing the water. </p><p>“I’m surprised you didn’t kill us,” Ildra spat. Her eyes were red around the edges. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back to where Jungeun was, only to see her taking deep breaths. Her eyes were filled with agony. She met Jinsoul’s eyes, breathing ragged. </p><p>“Tell me why I shouldn’t have,” Jinsoul pulled herself over to Ildra, “you’ll be going to the only Warsa who won’t execute you.”</p><p>“To be prisoners?” One of the others rolled over, while another threw up on the ground. </p><p>“It’s not a prison,” she retorted. “You’ll be alive. You’ll have the training if you want it.”</p><p>“We’ll have the fae in our minds,” another said. “We’ll be theirs until we’re tamed.”</p><p>“You won’t—” Jungeun coughed. “You won’t be prisoners.” </p><p>“And I’m supposed to believe you?” Ildra asked. “You would’ve killed me, on any other day.” </p><p>“But not today.” Jungeun heaved herself up, a strangled cry leaving her as she put weight on her hands. “Worse people have gone to them. Worse people have been allowed to live.” </p><p>Ildra laughed, but it was harsh. “I’d rather die.”</p><p>Jinsoul gripped her shoulder. “You’re not the only one suffering this fate,” she hissed, forcing her to look to the rest still trapped in ice. The people who’d followed her here. “And you can still do good with your magic. You have to at least want that. Some of them have to.” </p><p>The elf looked at her for a long moment. “What I’ve done,” she whispered. “It was unforgivable.”</p><p>“The rest only followed you,” Jinsoul said. “You won’t decide what will become of their lives. They could still be spared.”</p><p>“Then you’ll kill only me,” Ildra closed her eyes, “and make them go.” </p><p>Jinsoul fell back. “No.” Not to someone like her. Someone whose magic had only changed, not them. At least not in the beginning. “I won’t do that.” <em>I can’t</em>. </p><p>“Then let her do it,” she looked to Jungeun, “I’ll tell the rest to go. And you’ll have it.”</p><p>“You don’t have to die.” </p><p>There were sounds in the distance. People. </p><p>Jinsoul tightened the grip of the water around her. </p><p>“They’re—“ Jungeun took a deep breath. “It’s the Warsa.”</p><p>“What?” Ildra stiffened. </p><p>Jinsoul remembered Jungeun writing a note. She’d thought she’d been writing to her home. </p><p>Jungeun met Jinsoul’s eyes. “To make sure you get there safely.” Then she looked to Ildra and the rest. “You’re exiles and you’ll have to stay there, but you won’t be prisoners, let alone slaves.” </p><p>The elf looked afraid. </p><p>“What you did,” Jungeun began, holding her gaze. “It wasn’t unforgivable. If that’s why you think you should die, then I won’t do it.” </p><p>Ildra narrowed her eyes. </p><p>“You lived a life that did more good than anything,” Jungeun said. “What you did now, that doesn’t erase it.”</p><p>Then all of the elves’ eyes rolled back into their head. Their heads fell to the ground. </p><p>“You can release them,” a new voice said. The accent was distinctly Warsan, both clipped syllables and a slight musical intonation to the words. Jinsoul knew there was a way to describe that better in a melody, but it didn’t come to mind. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun straightened, wiping her eyes with her padded sleeve. She watched as the actual facade came into view. She looked like the person Jinsoul was used to, even with her hands and heart that seemed to stumble over itself. </p><p>The Warsans had come in a group of five. Two of them had the characteristic metallic grey hair and eyes to match. The other two only had the eyes. The last one, with slightly shorter ears and eyes that weren’t metallic nor crystalline, was the one responsible for the unconscious elves.  A mental fae. </p><p>“Let them catch you off guard?” The person from before was frowning at Jungeun’s hands. “I thought you were more capable than that.” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head, a crooked smile on her face. It was almost unnerving how easily she’d slipped out of how she’d been before. </p><p>“You do know how risky this was,” another said. “Right?” He looked at Jinsoul’s leg pointedly. “You could’ve been in a worse state if we hadn’t been closer, you know.” </p><p>“We knew.” Jungeun nodded. </p><p>“And she wanted you to kill her?” The first raised a brow. She looked both disbelieving and almost amused. </p><p>Jungeun stood, not using her arms at all. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to the mental fae, whose yellow eyes had stayed on Jungeun since they’d arrived. She wondered what she was seeing. “Should we have spared them?” </p><p>The fairy looked up, as if surprised that Jinsoul was even speaking. “I can’t say that for certain.” </p><p>Jinsoul tried not to let her frustration show. </p><p>When the fairy chuckled, she realised she’d been stupid to even try. “I think so. They hadn’t planned on killing you,” she said. Then she frowned at Jungeun. “You, however.” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “Don’t tell me.” </p><p>The fairy shrugged once. </p><p>“So,” Jungeun was holding her hands at her side, almost behind her back, “should everyone believe they’re dead. Or know they were spared?”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. </p><p>“Either to see if we risk them being hunted more and a proper trial with the risk of execution,” the fairy said. “Or if we let them exist peacefully with a luxury many others don’t have.” </p><p>“Thanks for that,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>“Hani’s still trying to see how things’ll work out with their people,” the first elf said. “As far as I know, they didn’t kill any of their own?” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “But will the others be alright with you taking them in?” A flicker of worry appeared. </p><p>She waved her hand. “Might not look as great when we start swapping out between camps, but until then, we’re obligated to give at least one of them hell.” </p><p>A frown appeared. </p><p>The Warsan patted her arm. “It’s that mortal place they send all the bad ones to,” she said. “And I was mostly joking.” Then she waved her hands and the ground below the sleeping elves rose to encircle each one. “Thank you,” she looked at Jinsoul, “I’m Junghwa.” A smile slowly formed. “If you either made a mess, found a mess, or need one to be avoided,” she winked, “you’ll either tell me or any of the rest here.” She waved at them. “We’ll come as long as it isn’t a suicide mission.” </p><p>With that, the rest all nodded at them. The mental fairy’s eyes still lingered on Jungeun, a question in them. </p><p>“They told me to stay out of your head.” The fairy sounded distant. There was something between wonder and horror in her eyes. It was replaced by something close to concern. That wasn’t typical for mental fairies, especially if they were peering through your thoughts. </p><p>“Listen next time,” Jungeun hissed, her eyes surprisingly cold. </p><p>The fairy turned around and left, but not before she looked Jinsoul’s way. She felt the briefest of presences in her mind, before it left again.  </p><p>Neither Jungeun nor Jinsoul said anything. The group wove through the trees, slowly disappearing behind the leaves.</p><p>Jinsoul felt the fatigue settle in then. Her chest felt oddly cold. </p><p>“You want to take care of that leg, or should I?” Jungeun asked. “I can give you light. You used a fair amount of it.” </p><p>Jinsoul thought of how the water had been filled with light when she’d used it. </p><p>“I think your hands need more help,” Jinsoul said. She tried to go over to her. The moment she put more pressure on her leg, she fell. </p><p>She felt the water fall away. Then the pain came. </p><p>She groaned. </p><p>Jungeun was at her side then. Her left eye turned white. </p><p>Jinsoul felt the pain in her leg ease almost immediately. </p><p>“Since when does your light numb?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Jungeun only shrugged. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun wrapped her leg in a thin stretch of moonlight. Then two posts of light appeared on either side. </p><p>“Am I doing that right?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“Yeah.” Jinsoul grit her teeth when she put her hands over her leg. With a sharp movement, she straightened it, biting back a scream. </p><p>The two pieces of moonlight attached to her leg then. Some of the pain eased. </p><p>Jinsoul almost sighed in relief. She was able to call on the water still close to them and wrap it around her leg again. It gave her enough clarity that she could carve the rune into the ground. </p><p>Now she relaxed. </p><p>“You work fast.” Jungeun chuckled. </p><p>“Just takes practice,” Jinsoul replied. Reyna and Thea had both put so much weight on the fact that Jungeun was healing people. “Give me your hands.” She reached for them. “And some moonlight. Water’s best for wounds like this.” </p><p>Jungeun looked at her for a few moments, before she gave over her hands. A piece of moonlight hovered above them. </p><p>Jinsoul absorbed the light, feeling the cold in her chest ease as she did. </p><p>“Not with wraps of light?” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You need to use more healing magic for it that way. The water can be a bit more flexible in righting the fingers.” As she said it, she enveloped both of Jungeun’s hands in water. </p><p>“Ah.” Jungeun pursed her lips. </p><p>“It’s not a bad solution,” she told her. </p><p>“But the water’s better?” </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. She slowly let the moonlight flow into the water. Haseul had started showing her how, but it was still slow-going now. </p><p>“Thank you,” Jungeun said, her voice quiet. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but find something off to the words. </p><p>She thought of how Jungeun had looked less than an hour before. </p><p>“Did you think I was going to let them take you?”</p><p>Jungeun was looking at her hands, watching as the water filled with moonlight. It reflected in her eyes. The glow in her left eye was gone now. </p><p>She looked exhausted. </p><p>“Jungeun?” </p><p>“Would’ve been alright if you had,” she said slowly. “Especially if the others hadn’t been on their way.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Alright?” she repeated. “That would’ve been far from alright.” </p><p>“Didn’t you hear her?” Jungeun asked. “She thought what she’d done was unforgivable and she’d wanted <em>me</em> to kill her for it.” There was a sharp breath through her nose. “And once we know who they would’ve taken me to, I bet—”</p><p>“Jungeun,” she said, “that wouldn’t have been right. Even if they had a ‘good reason’.” </p><p>She frowned, looking both surprised and confused. </p><p>Jinsoul kept talking. “You came here to spare them, so they’d have another chance.”</p><p>Jungeun laughed, but it sounded forced. “That was you.” </p><p>“Remember what you said?” Jinsoul asked. “You could’ve just ignored it. I didn’t even know there was a contract to be taken, let alone by either of us.” </p><p>Jungeun was still frowning. She was now looking between her hands and Jinsoul’s eyes. She was still confused. </p><p>Jinsoul found the words she needed to say then. “What I said to you,” she said. “I didn’t mean that. I was—“</p><p>“You meant it,” Jungeun cut her off. “And you were right about a lot of it.” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I listened to what people said about you, what you told me yourself, and then I twisted it.” She’d made everything seem intentional, made it seem as if Jungeun had wanted the life she’d lived. Maybe there’d been moments she had, but if anything was clear now, it was Jungeun’s guilt. </p><p>“The only thing you were wrong about is why we were going after those healers.” Her expression faltered. “I’ve got nothing to prove to you, Jinsoul.” She chuckled weakly. “Remember, everything you’ve heard about me is either true, or an understatement, and it’s not everything I’ve done either."</p><p>Jinsoul stayed quiet. She finished infusing the water with moonlight. She started to draw the healing rune. She made several. </p><p>“We went after them, because of what they did before,” Jungeun said. “And if you being chosen by the moon taught me anything, one of those things was that healers are still devoted to helping. You didn’t lose your magic, but you,” she broke off. “Well,” she looked almost pained. </p><p>“Just say it,” Jinsoul told her. “I’ll tell you if you’re wrong.”</p><p>She laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Even if a healer loses their magic, or is pushed to something else, they won’t stop trying to fix what they can, help who they can.” She paused, her eyes flitting between Jinsoul’s. “You hoped that Ildra, that the others, would still be those people.” There was something else. Jinsoul could almost watch the thought enter Jungeun’s mind before it was pushed away. </p><p>She had a good idea what the thought was. If Jungeun had ever lost her magic, she’d probably have kept fighting. Was that why she used weapons of metal as well? Why she'd trained to be strong enough to manage a fight <em>without</em> magic? </p><p>“So don’t apologise to me,” Jungeun said. “Because most of what you said was true.” </p><p>“I insulted you.” Jinsoul almost wished Jungeun would defend herself. “True or not, I shouldn’t have said any of that.” </p><p>She smiled slightly. “It’s not exactly new to me.” There was a careful charm there. She was deflecting. </p><p>“So you’ll just move past it?” When Haseul and Sooyoung hadn’t. And she’d said better things to them than she had to the actual person’s face. </p><p>“Should I resent you?” Jungeun asked. “Go back to camp and never talk to you again?” Her brow rose. “Just because you made a few observations about who I am? What I’ve done?” When Jinsoul didn’t reply, she continued. “Even if it's friends, or my family,” she sighed, “even if they’d tell you you were wrong, you weren't. Not really.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” </p><p>Jungeun was quiet for a long moment. </p><p>Jinsoul held her gaze. She couldn’t say all that she’d said was wrong. To an extent, a lot of it had been true. She just wished she hadn’t said it like she had. She wished she hadn’t said it at all, but where would saying any of that get her? She’d said all of those things and it’d hurt. She’d seen it. </p><p>And now Jungeun was just accepting all of it. Jinsoul wished she wouldn’t. </p><p>
  <em>She should’ve blamed the rest of us, blamed the moon even, for being red that day.</em>
</p><p>But she hadn’t. </p><p>“Should we wait until your leg’s healed a bit more?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“I can walk on it.” Jinsoul managed to push herself to her feet. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at her hands. Through the fatigue in her eyes, Jinsoul saw a hint of amusement. </p><p>“It looks like I’ve got shoes for hands,” she said, a small chuckle. It wasn’t forced. </p><p>Jinsoul felt her lips tug up a bit at the sound. “I’ll make them look better before we get there. Until then, the more water’s there, the better.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded once, before she started walking. It was in the general area they needed to go, but the wrong direction. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Where’re you going?”</p><p>“The river’s that way, isn’t it?” She raised a water-covered arm in the direction. “Would’ve thought we’d follow it to the sea. Unless you want to use the earth again, or a stick.” A white staff appeared in the air in front of her. </p><p>“It’s a bit of a detour.”</p><p>“Not too long,” Jungeun shrugged, “unless you want to take the direct route?” </p><p>Jinsoul grabbed the staff and tried a few steps. It wasn’t agony, but walking wasn’t comfortable either. </p><p>And if they went the other way, she could be half submerged, half carried by the river. It would both ease the pain further and let the leg heal even faster. </p><p>“We don’t have to,” Jinsoul said. “I’m fine with going the other way.”</p><p>“And I’m fine with this one.” Jungeun kept walking towards the river. </p><p>Jinsoul’s protests faded the further Jungeun went. </p><p>All she could do was follow, using the staff Jungeun had summoned to help her walk somehow. She wasn’t used to it, so she kept stumbling. </p><p>“You’re supposed to have it on the other side,” Jungeun said, looking back. She’d awkwardly crossed her arms, as if to try and keep her hands from hanging down. There was a thin layer of sweat along her forehead. </p><p>Whatever the case, she was still in pain. </p><p>They reached the river then. Jinsoul practically dove in. When she surfaced, she heard quiet laughter. </p><p>She looked up to see Jungeun smiling down at her. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly returned it. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Luckily, this chapter didn't take too long to edit. I'd had a bit of time to write every now and then this past week, so I'm happy to have this here. I'm also really happy to say that Yerim will finally be coming into the story soon. Not next chapter, but still quite soon. </p><p>I'd first thought that scene with Ildra would've had a bit more action, but when I'd actually gotten to it, that didn't seem like the right direction. As for the other conversations, the one with Thea had been planned for a while, I think I even wrote it a few months ago actually. I'd wanted Jinsoul to meet Jungeun's family for a while, but having it earlier had never seemed like the right time. </p><p>Either way, I hope you enjoyed! I'm starting to use a bit more social media for my stories, but I don't really know how it'll be working out yet. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I've been in this 'old fantasy' setting too long. Either that, or I've written too many characters who aren't used to the modern world. </p><p>Let me know your thoughts! See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. You trust me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Someone being at home in their element had never made sense to Jungeun. When she was surrounded by fire, she was either angry, training, or fighting. A part of her knew she belonged there, but the other part wanted to think that the place she belonged wasn’t wreathed in flames. </p><p>And yet, watching Jinsoul propel herself through the water, a slow smile forming on her face, Jungeun understood. </p><p>It reminded her of when Jinsoul walked across the surface of the river before. Jungeun had meant it when she’d said the mortals would’ve seen her as a goddess. Jinsoul was beautiful, but not in the way that you’d ever think was deceptive. </p><p>Now in the water, she looked less like a goddess, but no less beautiful. </p><p>Jungeun had been told that her own appearance didn’t match her actions. She’d seen it too, when people saw her, but didn’t know who she really was. Once they found out, shock spread across their features. Even if they were her allies, she usually spotted the fear before they tried to hide it. </p><p>“It didn’t scare you earlier, did it?” Jinsoul’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. </p><p>“What didn’t?” Jungeun tried to steady her voice. It was a far cry from the excruciating pain of before, but her hands still hurt. She’d once had to deal with a mangled foot for a week and every day until it’d healed had been terrible. </p><p>“When I covered your skin with water,” she said. “I should’ve told you that was a possibility before, so that,” she turned in the water to face her, “you would’ve had a bit of a better warning.” </p><p>“I was a bit more scared of having my insides crushed,” Jungeun replied. “So the water was fine.” </p><p>Jinsoul’s brow furrowed. It arched up instead of down. “But it wasn’t exactly comforting, was it?” </p><p>Jungeun fought a sigh. “Water scares me, but what you did wasn’t frightening. I knew it was safe.” She’d been scared when the water had reached her throat, but that was to be expected. </p><p>Jinsoul still looked troubled. </p><p>“How’re your hands?” </p><p>It was almost funny, with Jinsoul still swimming in the river and the sun setting in the distance. With what had just happened, Jungeun had a hard time rationalising most of it. All of it had happened so quickly. She’d barely registered that the elves were now on their way to the mountains, travelling through the earth. She’d barely even understood Jinsoul’s attempt at an apology. And now she was asking about her hands. </p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>“Fine,” Jinsoul repeated. “That’s a typical word people use when they’re in pain.” </p><p>There was a short silence. Jinsoul had that look in her eyes again. It was the same one she’d had when Jungeun was ill. </p><p>“Blood magic’s always going to be painful,” Jungeun said. “Even if you’ve drunk three healing potions.” </p><p>“Three healing potions make you giddy, then drain you.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>Jinsoul sighed softly. Jungeun almost smiled. </p><p>“Does fire have the same effect for you?” Jinsoul was swimming on her back now. Well, not exactly swimming, since the current was carrying her, but she looked more than comfortable there. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “It makes me stronger, and I think it’ll numb me during the fight, but only so much.” She lifted her hands. “The water’s helping more than flames could.” </p><p>The water rose, carrying Jinsoul with it. She was sitting up, but still being pushed forward by the current. </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but be impressed at the ease with which Jinsoul controlled the water. She’d been at the mercy of water before, but this was very different. </p><p>She knew what it looked like when Jinsoul used it as a weapon too. She could only be glad that they were at least allies. </p><p>Jinsoul was looking at her as if she was trying to figure something out. Jungeun was torn between backing away and staying where she was. Even without the anger or borderline disgust, Jinsoul was intimidating. Sooyoung and Haseul had told her about how hesitant Jinsoul was when it came to fighting. They’d also told her about how she was more driven to heal those during and after the fight, how she was clumsy when it came to hand-to-hand combat, fumbling with the moonlight she summoned. They’d also told her a bit about Jinsoul being friends with sea creatures, including fish. </p><p>They didn’t seem at all intimidated, somehow already beginning to find things to pick fun at. Chaewon’s eyes had lit up the moment she’d heard that Jinsoul had befriended a sea slug. She especially liked to question what thoughts a sea slug could even have, as well as what things Jinsoul had in common with said sea slug. </p><p>“Reyna spoke to me yesterday,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun tried to steel her expression into something unreadable. Of all the things to talk about, from the sharks Jinsoul liked better than she did Jungeun, to the fate of the blood elves, Reyna was not on that list. </p><p>She must’ve failed, because Jinsoul frowned. </p><p>“Should she not have?” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t know what to say. <em>Yes</em>, was what she wanted to say. “What did she want?” </p><p>“She wanted to know if something had happened?” Jinsoul’s brow continued to furrow upwards. “Something that would’ve led to you healing people?” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but make a face. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul was now on eye level, the water practically dangling her above the river banks. </p><p>Jungeun only shook her head. “She’s just making something small a lot larger than it actually is.” </p><p>“You think so?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Jungeun forced herself to hold her gaze. It was easier than she’d thought it would be. </p><p>“Because she seemed to think it was quite the change for you.” </p><p>Jungeun almost wished she hadn’t stayed with Reyna after they’d freed the fairies. “She also thinks I’d be better off if I just let a mental fae, as well as an emotional one, in my head.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her. Jungeun heard how the current driving her came to a slow halt. “But didn’t the fae come to help the others?” </p><p>Jungeun stiffened. Had Reyna somehow raised the subject there as well? </p><p>Jinsoul seemed to notice that too. “You have your reasons to not accept them,” she said. “Have you actually told people them?” </p><p>“Any mental fae they managed to send my way learned easily enough.” She tried not to think about what else that brought. It didn’t work. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded once and went back to the river. Was she going to leave it at that? “Who is she to you?” she asked, back to drifting across the river. “Unless that’s too,” she didn’t finish the sentence. </p><p>Personal? Jungeun nearly said it was, but at the same time, it was hardly the most personal thing she’d said to her. Oddly enough. “We used to do most, if not all contracts together,” she said. “Pollux was there for some, but it was mostly the two of us.” </p><p>“And that stopped with the moon?” She spoke with clear caution in her voice. She also didn’t look extremely curious. Either she was hiding it well, or just leaving room for Jungeun not to say anything. </p><p>“Before that,” Jungeun admitted. “But there were other reasons.” </p><p>Jinsoul hummed once. She didn’t ask anything else. </p><p>Jungeun was more than a little surprised that she wasn’t prying. She’d have answered the questions if they’d come. </p><p>The night of the feast hadn’t been enlightening, but they’d shown her one thing. Jinsoul was far from actually trusting her. </p><p>She trusted her in the sense that she didn’t think Jungeun would turn on her. Where that trust ended was in how Jinsoul saw her. With what she knew about Jungeun, things were probably inconsistent. They always were around the people who hadn’t known her for years. The Astra had seen the inconsistencies as well, with a few of them trying to find out why they were there. </p><p>Jungeun wondered if Jinsoul was seeing them and thinking they weren’t true. With the person Jinsoul was, and if she really had healed some of the people Jungeun had hurt, it wasn’t really all that surprising. </p><p>“I’ll make the runes again.” Jinsoul had stepped out of the river. Water trickled away from her in small streams. </p><p>“Aren’t you cold?” Jungeun had rolled up her sleeves to lessen the pressure on her arms. She’d had a hovering fire beside her to keep from shivering. It hadn’t really worked. </p><p>“I can handle the deep sea alright,” she replied, gesturing for Jungeun to kneel down. She drew the runes on the ground next. “Just how I’m sure you can handle volcanoes.” She looked up then. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “It doesn’t burn me as quickly.” </p><p>A small frown appeared. “Didn’t you say you had to learn,” she glanced at the fire, “how to not get burned?” </p><p>“It’s like breathing,” she replied. “As good as a reflex now.” </p><p>“So you wouldn’t feel the better if you, well, stuck your hands in a fire?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed. “Only did that when I nearly got frostbite on them.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “Did that work?” She sounded almost appalled at the prospect. </p><p>“More or less,” she replied. “It hurt.” </p><p>Jinsoul’s hands went over the water then. Jungeun felt it solidifying here and there, tugging at her fingers. She hissed at one point. </p><p>“Sorry,” Jinsoul grimaced, “need to make sure they’re healing right.” Her brow furrowed further. </p><p>“What?” Jungeun wasn’t entirely used to the expression she saw there. “Is something—”</p><p>“Today was my fault,” she said. “I wanted to believe they’d talk to us. I didn’t think they’d attack us—you.” </p><p>“I thought today went well.” </p><p>Jinsoul’s shot to hers. “It was the opposite of that.” </p><p>“They didn’t kill us.” </p><p>Confusion flickered across her eyes. “They almost did.” </p><p>“They didn’t try to,” Jungeun replied. “Ildra was going to take me somewhere else and,” she paused, “well, if they’d wanted to kill you, it would’ve happened in the first seconds.” She didn’t like how it sounded, but that was how it worked. She didn’t tell Jinsoul how she knew that either, not when she’d probably figure it out in a few minutes anyway. </p><p>“And the Warsans?” </p><p>“We would’ve used the sleeping draughts,” Jungeun patted her bag, “but the Warsa are a lot better at transporting people, even if those people’re blood wielders.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded, but there was still a question forming. </p><p>Jungeun waited. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” </p><p>“If you want.” </p><p>Jinsoul gave her a look, but there wasn’t much of any irritation there. More just mild annoyance. “How do you know so much about the Warsa? How do you know Jeonghwa and the others?” She made it sound like she was asking something difficult. </p><p>Jungeun was almost relieved that it was simple. “I was there for a few years.” </p><p>She just looked at her, still confused. </p><p>“No one took me there, they probably would’ve had a lot to deal with from my people if that was the case.”</p><p>“When did you go?” Jinsoul was walking with her now. She was limping. </p><p>“You can go back into the river.”</p><p>Jungeun was about to summon another cane when some water left the river and wrapped around Jinsoul’s leg. A staff of ice grew from it too. That was her answer. </p><p>“I went twice,” Jungeun said. “Once was two centuries ago, I think. The second time was after I killed Brieth.” </p><p>Jinsoul opened her mouth, but seemed to stop herself. </p><p>“It wasn’t long. Ten years probably, but it helped.” Jungeun shrugged. “The only time I had to leave in that time was when they asked me to come back. It was for a—” She sighed, wondering when Jinsoul would hear a story where she <em>hadn’t</em> fought or killed anyone. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “And why go in the first place?” </p><p>“I,” she hesitated, unsure if Jinsoul really wanted to know that, “we sent a lot of people to the Warsa. That’s supposed to be our form of justice, but no one ever sent me away.” She shrugged. “Ten years is barely what it should’ve been, but my people didn’t let me stay much longer than that.” </p><p>She remembered how Reyna had practically shouted at her, trying to make her see that she shouldn’t have ever been there. She’d tried to convince her that Jungeun was practically innocent. </p><p>
  <em>“You’re nothing like them!” Reyna had screamed. “Stop telling yourself you are.”</em>
</p><p>Jungeun had been close to sending her away. </p><p>Then Reyna had taken her hands and pressed an almost desperate kiss to her lips. </p><p>
  <em>“Come back with me,” she’d said, voice soft. “We need you.” She’d looked at her, her gaze was so warm, welcoming. “I need you.” </em>
</p><p>Jungeun hadn’t known why then, but the words had clung to her, sending her into a panic when she thought of them long. That’d remained for years.</p><p>Until the moon had given her light. Jungeun had left and seen that they didn’t need her. She’d caught glimpses of it when she’d been among the Warsa, but it hadn’t sunken in then. </p><p>Jinsoul was still waiting, listening. </p><p>“Because I came willingly, they basically just gave me guard duty, and sent me to the mortals to get deliveries.” Jungeun wondered if it was normal to look back on those times fondly. “No contracts. No battles.” </p><p>Jinsoul was quiet for a moment. </p><p>Jungeun slowed her step a bit as they walked. She kept looking to the light to see if they were being followed. Now was a good opportunity, with both of them hurt. </p><p>“Why do you keep taking these contracts?” Jinsoul asked. “If you liked your time away, and the life you have with the Astra, why keep doing the work?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I don’t think I can give you a good enough reason for that.”</p><p>“You,” she started, then stopped. “You don’t have to.” </p><p>Jungeun turned to her.</p><p>Jinsoul jumped. </p><p>It didn’t make any sense. Why would Jinsoul say something like that? </p><p>“I mean it,” Jinsoul said.</p><p>Jungeun frowned. </p><p>“You,” another moment of hesitance, “you’ve already had to explain yourself.” </p><p>“Not to you,” Jungeun said.</p><p>“Yes you have.” </p><p>“Not enough.” </p><p>“You don’t have to,” Jinsoul repeated. She looked at Jungeun’s hands, then back at her. Something in her expression had softened. Jungeun had never seen her look like that. </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>The guilt was back. “After what I said to you—“</p><p>“Jinsoul,” Jungeun shook her head, “I told you, there’s nothing to apologise for.” </p><p>“There is,” Jinsoul said, her jaw tight. “You took everything I said without even defending yourself. You should have.” </p><p>“Wait, I—“ </p><p>“Jungeun, I expected the worst from you.” Her eyes were on the ground. “I thought you were trying to prove something to me, that you’d come here to make me,” she broke off. She shook her head. “I was so wrong.” Then she met Jungeun’s eyes again. “And don’t tell me I wasn’t.” </p><p>She closed her mouth. </p><p>“This entire time, you could’ve—you should’ve defended yourself.” Jinsoul looked to the river. It sank further into the banks. “You never did. And I’m not talking about your life, I’m talking about everything I expected from you, because it wasn’t fair.”</p><p>Even if Jungeun had wanted to, she wouldn’t have known what to say. She wasn’t sure if Jinsoul would let her, at least not until she’d finished. </p><p>“I said you’d lived surrounded by violence your entire life,” Jinsoul said. “I was wrong about that too.” </p><p>She avoided tripping on a root then. She looked over at Jinsoul to make sure she did the same. </p><p>Jinsoul took her elbow then, pulling her back. Her grip was gentle, still cool from the water. </p><p>Jungeun tried not to look too surprised. She turned to face Jinsoul properly. Jinsoul’s hand slid to rest just above her wrist. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Her eyes met Jungeun’s and there was a flicker there. </p><p><em>Don’t be,</em> Jungeun wanted to say, but the words didn’t even reach her mouth. Something stopped her. She was almost certain it was the look in Jinsoul’s eyes. And the certainty that she wouldn’t really listen if Jungeun said that. </p><p>“I wish I could say more,” Jinsoul said quietly. “But I don’t know you enough yet. I don’t,” she sighed, “there’re some things I can’t look past.” She looked even guiltier now. </p><p>“That’s fine,” Jungeun replied. “Believe me when I say we’re probably getting stuck on the same things.” </p><p>Her brow furrowed again. “You mean you’re agreeing with me?” </p><p>Jungeun wasn’t sure if she was supposed to answer that. </p><p>Jinsoul’s gaze softened. </p><p>She couldn’t help but look away. This was far from what she’d grown used to when she was around Jinsoul. </p><p>Jinsoul’s thumb gently traced the back of her wrist, before she pulled away. She cleared her throat before she practically jumped back into the water. There was no splash. The water was pulled back into the river before that happened. </p><p>They didn’t speak much after that. Jinsoul told her a bit more about her people and what else Jungeun could expect, but other than that, there was little. </p><p>Even so, it wasn’t uncomfortable. </p><p>Jungeun still felt uneasy with Jinsoul’s apology. She knew it was genuine, but she wished Jinsoul hadn’t felt like she’d needed to apologise. She wished she could tell her that, but it was clear enough that Jinsoul wouldn’t accept that either. </p><p>They kept walking. </p><p>_____</p><p>“It’s a lot better,” Jinsoul said. “Trust me.” </p><p>Jungeun raised a brow. “You’re practically an expert at noticing who’s faking all the little signs, how do I know you’re not doing that right now?” </p><p>“Because I don’t force myself to handle broken bones as if they’re little scrapes.” She nodded at her hands. “And you’ve had all those little signs since it happened.” </p><p>Jungeun pursed her lips as she looked at her hands. They were still swollen, but at the very least straightened out by the water. </p><p>“My leg is fine,” she told her. “I can walk, I have a crutch for it, and the water.” She patted her arm. “I’m doing a lot better than you are.”</p><p>Jungeun snorted. “Thanks for rubbing it in.” She looked at her with amusement in her eyes. The kind tended to make her eyes glitter with fresh light. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. “Now,” she said. She took some water from the river and replaced what was around Jungeun’s hands with it. </p><p>She hissed once, before sighing when Jinsoul filled the water with moonlight. “They say healers are the worst patients.” </p><p>“I’m not a patient,” Jinsoul said. “You are.” </p><p>Jungeun closed her mouth.</p><p>Jinsoul fought a laugh. The fire elf could be stubborn, but there were moments where she all of a sudden stopped to argue. It sometimes felt like a way she tried to avoid conflict. Other times it felt like Jungeun just didn’t know what else to say. </p><p>Either way, it ended up making things a lot simpler. </p><p>And anything even close to simple was good. Especially after what had happened since they’d accepted that offer to go after the blood elves. </p><p>“Have you heard anything from your people yet?” Jinsoul asked. She still didn’t know what exactly the witches had told her, but Jungeun had continued to be on edge when it came to sending word to her people. It wasn’t to tell them what was happening as much as it was to make sure that everyone was alright. </p><p>“Nothing,” Jungeun said, slightly stiff. </p><p>“That’s a good thing,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>She relaxed slightly. “Right.” She frowned at the ground. Then she looked up, a smile slowly forming on her face. “Hear that?”</p><p>Jinsoul listened. In the distance, she could hear the slow crash of waves. She closed her eyes. </p><p>“Can you feel it from here?” Jungeun asked, voice a lot quieter. </p><p>She nodded. “I can feel it from almost everywhere.” In only the most extreme of distances, she had trouble finding the sea. Most of the time, it only took a few minutes of peace and quiet to sense the distant pull. </p><p>“How’s it compare to the river?” </p><p>Jinsoul opened her eyes, only to see that Jungeun was looking down at the ground again. There was a hint of that uncertainty again. She was still cautious. </p><p>She could barely blame her, even if Jinsoul had apologised, it’d probably sounded empty to Jungeun. </p><p>“It’s endless,” Jinsoul said. “It’s more dizzying than when you look up at the night sky and realise it never ends, because you can actually go further into the depths of what you’re seeing.” </p><p>Jungeun shuddered. </p><p>“That probably sounds terrifying to you.” Jinsoul knew how the depths could be scary, but she couldn’t understand Jungeun’s fear of water as a whole. </p><p>She smiled. “It really does.” </p><p>That was another thing that was surprising. Jungeun didn’t really keep it a secret what scared her. For some reason, she hated it when the spirits took the form of insects, even if they were less threatening than the ones that took the form of actual bears or lions. </p><p>“Can you swim?” </p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “‘Course I can.” </p><p>Jinsoul held up her hands. “I’ve met quite a few elves who can’t.” </p><p>“I learned when I was five, I think,” she pursed her lips, “probably one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.” She met Jinsoul’s eyes. “And it was in a pond.” </p><p>She had to laugh then. “Really, more scary than a werewolf on a full moon?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “My feet didn’t touch the ground.” She shuddered. “And then something touched my foot.” </p><p>“A plant?” </p><p>She looked embarrassed. “Or a fish.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “That means it wasn’t scared of you.” </p><p>Jungeun put her face in her hands. “But I was. Still am.” </p><p>“Most fish aren’t too big.” </p><p>“Sharks are big,” she replied. “And whales are supposed to be huge, right?”</p><p>“Have you never seen one?” Jinsoul stopped walking. “Ever?” </p><p>Jungeun peeked up at her. “No? And I’ve only seen the fish you can vaguely see in the pond, or the ones you eat.” </p><p>“Have you ever been in the ocean?” </p><p>“Not really.” </p><p>Jinsoul pushed her next questions down again. Jungeun was afraid of the water for reasons that went beyond just her magic. </p><p>“Hey,” Jungeun had lowered her hands, “a few bad experiences doesn’t mean I hate the ocean completely.” Her ears were still red. “I even tried being on a ship a few times. I got sick each time, but it wasn’t terrible. I think.” </p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Looking out at the horizon didn’t help me.” She scratched the back of her neck. “So I got drunk and stayed under deck.” </p><p>“Below decks,” Jinsoul corrected. </p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “You’ve been on ships too then?” </p><p>“I had one.” </p><p>Her eyes widened. “So you were a captain?” </p><p>“For a little while.” </p><p>Jungeun grinned. “Were you disguised as a man, or did you manage it without the illusions?” </p><p>“The first time I was, the second time I managed it without,” Jinsoul said. “But I did have to make myself look older, seem like I had the right amount of experience, and without the obvious.” She pointed at her hair. </p><p>“Do you still have it?” As usual, Jungeun genuinely looked eager to hear the answer. Mortal forms of transport took so much time. Some Arcsa hated ships, but some enjoyed them, being able to combine the wind, the horizon, and the spray of the sea all at once. </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I passed it to my first mate. And it’s too old now.” <em>Probably sunk too</em>. </p><p>“Would you do it again?” </p><p>“I’d love to,” she admitted. “The more I see of the night, the more I want to see that out at sea as well.” </p><p>There was a soft smile on Jungeun’s face. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul wished she could know what she was thinking. </p><p>She shrugged. “Noth—well,” she laughed slightly, “I wish I could see it the way you do.” Her smile didn’t fade. The distant expression didn’t come either. </p><p>“Have you ever just sat by the beach?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Try it while we’re here?” She listened for the ocean again. “You don’t have to, but I’d make sure none of the ones below the surface would try and play a trick on you.” </p><p>Jungeun was looking ahead, a half-formed frown on her face. </p><p>“I just meant,” Jinsoul bit her lip, “if you wanted to start to see it that way, just sitting by it would be a start.” </p><p>“You’re right.” Jungeun nodded. “Sorry,” she grimaced, “it’s one of the things I can’t really wrap my head around. It’s frightening, but it’s not a living thing.” She glanced at her. “Unless?” A flicker of fear appeared in her eyes. </p><p>She shook her head. “Some believe it’s got a spirit. I just think it’s got an inherent magic to it, but it isn’t alive.” </p><p>Jungeun relaxed. Her brow furrowed. “You probably think I’m being ridiculous, huh?” </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. “Not at all.” </p><p>She looked over at her. “Really?” </p><p>“It’s frightening. When we moved from the river to the ocean, I could barely handle feeling all that there was, knowing how far it went. I had nightmares about what was in the depths too.” Jinsoul shook her head. “And I know what it feels like. Drowning.” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes softened. “You did say you had to learn that.” </p><p>She couldn’t hold that gaze either. Not when Jungeun had also felt the terror of almost dying because of it. Jinsoul had felt it knowing she could get out of it again, because her instructor would’ve helped her. </p><p>“Your fear of water isn’t ridiculous at all, Jungeun,” she said. “If I wanted to, I could flood the land completely. I’ve done that before and I’ve dragged people into the sea, surrounded them in water, everything—” She sighed. </p><p>Jungeun stayed quiet. She wasn’t sure if she was grateful for that yet. </p><p>“Everything you’re probably afraid of happening, I think I’ve done.” </p><p>“And you’ve done a lot more good with it too,” Jungeun said then. “You found a way to heal with it.” She lifted her hands. “The water’s actually not that scary when you’re using it. It’s actually more fascinating than anything.”</p><p>Jinsoul tried to see if Jungeun was just saying this to reassure her. </p><p>“Anything can be used as a weapon,” she continued. “But not everything can be used to actually build, to help, or heal.” She shrugged. “And not everything’s beautiful either, but the water is.” She glanced at the trees, as if trying to see the ocean behind them. “And I’ll admit, I don’t see it yet, but I want to.” </p><p>There was nothing, but that careful hope in her eyes and earnestness to her voice. </p><p>Then Jungeun looked back to her. “What changed that fear for you?” She still looked hopeful, as if Jinsoul could give her the answer to overcome her own fears. </p><p>“I learned how to withstand the pressures down there, the cold too,” Jinsoul said. “And then I saw what was down there.” She sighed. “That doesn’t really help you, does it?”</p><p>Jungeun laughed. “If there was ever the chance I’d be down there, it would, but you’d never find me in ‘the depths’.” She shook her head quickly. “But maybe it’d be a little less terrible if I actually knew what it was like to swim in the ocean.” </p><p>“Start with the beach first?” she suggested. </p><p>“I will,” Jungeun nodded, “but please, do make sure no one makes a joke of dragging me in there.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t lose my mind.” </p><p>“Promise,” Jinsoul said. “It’ll be safe.” </p><p>_____</p><p>Jinsoul was hit with a wave of emotion when she felt the pull of the sea again. She nearly cried when she saw her home again. She actually cried when she saw her mother. </p><p>She was enveloped in a warm hug in the next moment. Around them, people were calling that Jinsoul was there. </p><p>“Were the stories true?” her mother asked. </p><p>
  <em>If those stories are true, I don’t want anything to do with her.</em>
</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>Lanah pulled away. She held her gaze. “Tell me later?” There was something close to pride in her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned at it, but nodded. </p><p>Her mother turned to Jungeun then. “You found your way back quickly this time.” </p><p>They’d sent a message in advance, but it was obvious not many of the rest had been told about it. </p><p>Jungeun smiled slightly, bowing her head. “I knew the way.” </p><p>“You’ll both be staying for dinner, correct?” Lanah asked. “It took a small bit of convincing, but we’re prepared in case you attract any spirits.” </p><p>“The area’s currently clear,” she replied, all semblance of fatigue gone. “I can do an hourly check.” </p><p>“No need.” Jessica had come over. She smiled at Jinsoul. “Good to see you again. We’ve all missed you.”</p><p>Jinsoul returned it. It felt so easy here. She felt lighter. </p><p>Then she frowned at Jinsoul’s leg and Jungeun’s hands. “What happened?” </p><p>“You’ll explain later,” Lanah said. “We need to get started with the meal.” She started walking off. </p><p>“I’ll fill you in on everything you missed later,” Jessica squeezed her arm, “but it’s not much.” She walked away as well. </p><p>Jungeun was looking around, a bit lost. Jinsoul wondered if she’d looked like that at Jungeun’s home. </p><p>“Want to come with?” Jinsoul asked. “You’ll see how we make food here. Properly.” </p><p>The corner of her lip tilted up. “Our food is perfectly fine.” </p><p>“There wasn’t any fish.” Jinsoul started walking across the beach. </p><p>Jungeun followed. She was taking in the rest of the place. “It really is beautiful here,” she said quietly. “You should come here more often if you want to. If you use the earth, you can go alone then.” She was eying the ocean, both hesitant and curious. </p><p>“And then someone has to be watching me sink into the ground,” she finished, shaking her head. “No thank you.” </p><p>They reached the rest, the smell of fried fish filling in the air. Jinsoul felt another knot in her stomach ease. She’d missed this. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun offered to grill the fish. She watched as she actually managed to do it without charring it completely, but she avoided using her hands. They were still hurting her. </p><p>And then Jinsoul was pulled into mixing the soup. </p><p>_____</p><p>Later that day, Jinsoul’s mother drew her aside. From where they stood, Jinsoul saw Jungeun walking alone towards the beach. She stopped a few metres away, leaning from one foot to the other. She stayed there, just watching the waves. </p><p>“What changed?” Lanah asked. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back at her. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Almost every story was true,” she said. “And there was even more we didn’t know about.” That was a look Jinsoul recognised. </p><p>“What else did you know about her?” Jinsoul asked. “Did you know?” </p><p>“Know what?” Lanah’s brow rose.</p><p>“That I’d—I wouldn’t—” </p><p>“That you’d stay?” Her mother nodded. “I’d hoped so.”</p><p>“You’d hope so?” Jinsoul repeated. Then it struck her. “What did you know about her?” </p><p>“Enough.” Lanah paused. “When I knew the moon had chosen you as well, I’d tried to see what else there was to know about her.” She looked at her, before her eyes went back to Jungeun. “Honestly, I don’t see it.” </p><p><em>Me neither</em>, Jinsoul thought. She’d seen how Jungeun was so effective, but she’d barely seen the ruthlessness the stories had sworn she had. She’d never seen the cruelty. </p><p>“Did something change?” </p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>Her mother frowned, but she also looked slightly amused. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back to where they were still preparing food. When she looked back to the beach, Jungeun had sat down, her feet stretched out in front of her. “Nothing changed,” she said. “I just listened.” </p><p>_____</p><p>“So if I got this right,” Chaeryeon began, “you went to the ice caps, then the mountains, and then the southern islands.” She frowned. “For what?” </p><p>“Jobs,” Jungeun replied. “We had to go there.” </p><p>“But your magic suffers there,” Jessica said. “Wouldn’t you be a liability?” </p><p>She shrugged. “What good am I if I can’t handle a little cold?” </p><p>“The cold drains you,” Jinsoul said. “Just as higher altitudes drain earthers.” <em>It also makes you sick. </em></p><p>“Which is exactly why said earthers should spend the most time they can in the mountains.” Jungeun looked at her hands. She was eating carefully and slowly, but hadn’t given any indication that her hands hurt. </p><p>“Or they avoid them,” Lanah suggested. </p><p>The strange edge to her gaze faded. “Or avoid them.” She nodded. “Well,” she smiled, “I know what we’ve been missing back in the woods.” She took the last bite of fish. </p><p>“Aquatic foods don’t make you tired?” Hyewon raised a brow. </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “Not quite.” She winked. She looked a lot more at ease than before. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. “How have things been,” she asked quietly.</p><p>There was laughter somewhere else on the table. They definitely weren’t listening. </p><p>“Without me?” </p><p>Eunbi shook her head. “We’re doing fine,” she gave her a look, “you better <em>not</em> be here to help out again.” Then she smirked. “Elliane still has her eye on you, you know.” </p><p>Jinsoul rolled her eyes. “I am <em>not</em> here for that.” </p><p>“You should be,” she shot back. “Because I know you’re not gonna be with an Astran for a good amount of time.” </p><p>“Don’t be so sure,” Jinsoul shrugged, “you haven’t seen them.” </p><p>“I’ve seen one,” Eunbi muttered. “And if you haven’t been with her by now, you’re not gonna be with any of them.” She looked over at Jungeun. </p><p>She shoved her lightly. “You can have her.” </p><p>“I’m leaving that to the others.” She winked at her. </p><p>Jinsoul rolled her eyes. </p><p>Jungeun’s loud laugh caught her attention. Her brow was furrowed, her eyes crescents. </p><p>Some people looked confused, while anyone who’d been in on the joke were laughing along with her. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a bit more at ease then. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul got out of the water feeling better than she had in months. Even if it was her home, freshwater didn’t compare to the vastness of the ocean. She loved being surrounded by life, but also huge stretches of empty waters. It felt so much more freeing than anything on land. </p><p>She let the water keep to her skin. While it was cold, she didn’t mind it. And she could warm it to an extent. </p><p>Her legs felt tired. She hadn’t swum so much in ages. </p><p>She lay down on the sand and looked up at the night sky. It felt more peaceful out here than in the middle of a forest. </p><p>There were still sounds of talking and laughter. She could pick out her mother and Jessica. She couldn’t hear Jungeun. It wasn’t hard to figure out why that was, if the continued flirting of the night had been any indication. </p><p>Her mind went to the light instead. She searched the ocean. She’d seen so many spirits in the depths. She’d fought off one malevolent one, but there’d mostly been benevolent spirits. It was a small wonder why. There was so much more peace among the people there. While they did have violent conflicts, they were so spread out, as well as wholly independent, that the violence was rare. </p><p>On land there were the humans, elves, fairies, and so many other creatures, many whose creation stemmed from violence. It was almost alarming to consider the differences. </p><p>Jinsoul took her eyes away from the light. She just took in the sky instead, letting herself get lost in the immenseness of it all. It was calming to just be able to gaze up at something, searching, but not looking for anything in particular. </p><p>She must’ve laid there for an hour, maybe two. Then she heard two people talking. </p><p>“Are you okay?” It was Eliane. </p><p>“Fine,” Jungeun replied, her voice light. Too light. “I just don’t sleep at night. Mixed up times and all.” </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if Jungeun was getting worse at lying, or if she was just learning how to read her. </p><p>“Okay.” The sound of a kiss. “Thanks for tonight.” </p><p>“Thank you as well,” Jungeun said quietly. </p><p>Silence followed. There was a small sigh. Jinsoul wondered if they’d kissed again, but there wasn’t any more talking, or other sounds. Only the sound of walking. </p><p>Jinsoul sat up. She looked to where it came from. </p><p>Ever so slightly, Jungeun glowed in the dark. Her hair caught the moonlight too. </p><p>Jinsoul was taken aback by how even then she didn’t look at all like the person from the stories. She seemed like someone from a different story. She usually acted like it too. </p><p>She watched as Jungeun walked along the beach, not coming in her direction. </p><p>Jungeun walked for about two minutes. Then she sat down as well, still glowing. </p><p>Jinsoul was surprised she’d come out here. Then again, she’d talked about going to exactly the places one would think she’d avoid. Jinsoul thought of what else she’d learned about her. Did she go there <em>because</em> it made her weaker? Did she go there in order to build up resolve against it? And if she was afraid of it, how far did she go to combat that fear? </p><p>Or did she try to see past that? With the way she’d asked Jinsoul about the ocean, maybe it was because she wanted to see the ocean differently. Or was she just trying to get over her fear?</p><p>She was also surprised that Jungeun didn’t go and join the rest. She seemed relatively comfortable with them. </p><p>And that also gave her even more options for distraction. Jinsoul thought she’d have been the first to take it. </p><p>Or maybe she’d been wrong. It wouldn’t have been the first time. </p><p>More time passed. The sounds of the rest had lessened, though some were going to be celebrating far into the night. Those were the same people who still celebrated when they didn’t have a reason to. Jinsoul had sometimes been a part of that. Tonight, she wanted to enjoy the peace she could only ever have by the ocean. </p><p>Jungeun was humming very lightly. It wasn’t annoying or piercing, but she still couldn’t tune it out. </p><p>It wasn’t a melody she recognised either, but Jungeun’s voice somehow made it familiar. </p><p>Jinsoul sighed and laid down again. </p><p>The humming stopped. “Sorry,” Jungeun whispered. </p><p>“It’s okay.” She felt a pang of guilt, before she pushed it down. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t supposed to. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything. She just stayed where she was. Jinsoul could almost see her with a perfectly crafted expression, her eyes a warm red, and a smile that didn’t show, but you knew it was there.</p><p>She was reminded of the person behind that. They were someone she also didn’t understand, but they were still there. </p><p>Jinsoul got to her feet. She looked out at the water. The moon shone on it, illuminating a path along it. Jinsoul reached out to it. She felt it being drawn over to her. The water shimmered brighter. </p><p>She heard Jungeun gasp. </p><p>The moonlight rose with the water. A green and blue light also showed through. </p><p>Then the light separated from the water, flowing through the air in a beautiful wave. It settled on her skin. She didn’t feel the chill of the air anymore. All fatigue faded. She wasn’t restless, but she felt awake. Yet there was a peace that settled within her mind. It felt like she was underneath the sea, or drifting through a river. </p><p>It was different from the light she’d taken in before. She’d felt flickers if it before, but never like this. This light felt as if it were actually <em>hers</em>. </p><p>Jinsoul turned away from the ocean, jogging over to where Jungeun was. She nearly stumbled on the sand, but she was used to that. </p><p>Jungeun was watching as she went over. There was something close to awe on her face. </p><p>“That was incredible.” She was staring up at her. </p><p>Jinsoul almost blushed. She’d been subject to that look once before. It’d been with her magic as well.</p><p>“Can I,” Jinsoul started. She pointed at the sand. </p><p>Jungeun nodded several times, looking slightly surprised. “Of course.” She wasn’t glowing as brightly as usual, but her eyes were perfectly visible. </p><p>As Jinsoul sat down, she realised that the moon illuminated their part of the beach very well. It must’ve had something to do with their magic. </p><p>“Has that ever happened to you?” she asked. </p><p>“Never,” Jungeun chuckled, “my magic doesn’t work like that.” </p><p>“But have you ever absorbed light through fire?” </p><p>She was quiet for a few seconds. “Uh,” she looked out at the sea, “not really.” </p><p>“Not really?” </p><p>“I just give light to the fire,” Jungeun replied. “That strengthens it.” Then she looked back at her. “How do you feel?” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t have to think about it much. “Great. Better than with normal light.” </p><p>“Wow.” She paused, her gaze thoughtful. “How’d you do that?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Jinsoul admitted. “I’d never seen the light like that before so I tried something.”</p><p>A slow smile started to form. Her skin glowed brighter too. “And it worked,” she said. “You seem a lot brighter. You already were, but this,” she trailed off. </p><p>“What do you mean I already was?” </p><p>“Oh,” Jungeun looked away, “I mean, since we got here, you look happier than I’ve ever seen you.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t reply to that. She was right, but she didn’t really want to tell her that. </p><p>She shrugged. “That’s not saying much, I know, because it hasn’t been long, but,” she trailed off before sighing. </p><p>“But what?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“I don’t know if it works, I’ve only ever done it for a short time,” Jungeun said slowly, looking very uncertain again. “But you could try staying here.”</p><p>“You’d let me?” She ignored the flare of hope. “They’d let me?” </p><p>“You’re not a prisoner,” Jungeun replied. “You’re an Astra, or part Astran,” she added the second bit hurriedly. “And the reasons you were called to the camp, to leave this, was so you’d learn how to use that magic.” </p><p>“You learned how to use it,” Jinsoul said. “And you stayed.” </p><p>“I stayed.” </p><p>“Why?” She’d wanted to ask this before. </p><p>Jungeun looked surprised. Then she frowned, but it looked more like confusion than frustration. “That’s a complicated question.” </p><p>“We have time,” Jinsoul waved to the sky, “technically it’s morning for us.” </p><p>The fire elf was quiet. “I’m gonna answer,” she said. “Just thinking.” </p><p>The words came faster than she meant them to. “Don’t hurt yourself.”</p><p>Jungeun laughed. It wasn’t loud like before, but easy. Then a thoughtful gaze replaced it. “My life before,” she started, “I still do a lot of the same things now. I’m still the exact same, but,” she looked to the moon, “what I’m able to do now, I want that more than what I was doing before.” </p><p>“That’s not vague at all,” Jinsoul said. She didn’t mean that, not really. She knew what Jungeun meant, but she wanted to hear the rest. </p><p>The corners of her lips tugged up. “I was and still am a glorified mercenary. The only difference is I was also a flame for my people.” She looked down at her hands. “I burned wherever and whoever I had to. It was easy to leave it at that.” </p><p>“Until you left?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I still fight, I still kill,” she pursed her lips, “but that’s not everything. I can—“ Her hands clasped together. “Anyway, I still go home, but I’ve left it for good. You don’t have to. Not really.” </p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul said. “Finish what you were saying before? You can—what?” </p><p>Jungeun let out a short laugh, but it sounded like a sigh. “If I fight a spirit, it’s not ending in it dying. It ends in it changing.” She looked at her hands. A small piece of moonlight appeared above her knuckles. “I can help people without hurting something.” </p><p>“That’s why I love the ocean.” </p><p>She looked up then. She didn’t look confused, but she nodded. There was that hope from before again. </p><p>“It can be a weapon,” Jinsoul said. “It can be dangerous without anyone even wielding it too, but it isn’t like that everywhere, let alone the entire day.” She waved at it now. “The sea’s calm tonight. The only movement you see is what the moon’s showing us now.” She bit her lip. “And I’ve used it to hurt, to kill, but the water also lets me help people.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded again. “But you also love it, because of this, right?” She looked at the horizon, her jaw tightening ever so slightly. “It’s peaceful?” </p><p>“Do you think it’s peaceful, or is it just because I said it was?” </p><p>She smiled slightly. “I’m starting to see it.” The tension in her jaw eased then. She was still looking at the water. “Is it really cold at night?” </p><p>“Usually,” Jinsoul said. “But I can make it warmer.” </p><p>Jungeun glanced at her. “And the current?” </p><p>“I can slow that down too.” </p><p>Red eyes went back to the sea. There was both interest and a bit of hesitance there. </p><p>Jinsoul waited. </p><p>“You know,” Jungeun said, “there’s only so much to get from just staring at it.” She sighed. “I’m seeing some of what you were saying, but the rest of what you talked about, that’s all from being in the water.” </p><p>She didn’t say anything. She was almost hopeful for what Jungeun would say next. </p><p>“The Arcsa down there,” she began, “they don’t know who I am, right? Have they ever even heard of me?”</p><p>“Heard of you, probably,” Jinsoul replied. “But none of them would hold a grudge.” </p><p>She laughed slightly. “Now that’s rare.” She was still looking at the ocean. There was a lot less hesitance there. More curiosity than anything. </p><p>Jinsoul mulled over her next words for a few seconds. Would it hurt to ask them? “Do you want to see what it’s like?” She slowly got to her feet. “Properly?”</p><p>Jungeun stared up at her, confusion flooding her eyes, but she stood as well. </p><p>“Come on.” She took her arm and pulled her to the shore. </p><p>“Wait!” Jungeun dug her heels into the sand. </p><p>Jinsoul stumbled, nearly falling over. </p><p>Then Jungeun steadied her. Her red eyes were bright, but filled with hesitance and more confusion. </p><p>“It’s dark,” the fire elf said. “I’ve never been in the water at night.” </p><p>“It’s beautiful down there,” Jinsoul told her. “You should see it.” </p><p>Jungeun was shaking her head. “I can see it during the day too.” She was looking at the ocean, now as if it was a slumbering monster. </p><p>“You could try seeing it at night.” Jinsoul made her skin glow. “And we’ll both have light.” Still, she loosened her grip. She wouldn’t force Jungeun if she was reconsidering. </p><p>“Jinsoul,” she bit her lip, “I can’t go in there. I want to—I really do—but I can’t.” </p><p>The arm Jinsoul held was tense. She could practically feel the fear starting to emanate off her. </p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsoul took her other arm, squeezing it lightly, “nothing’s going to happen. I can sense just about everything that’s happening within hundreds of metres around us.” </p><p>“And what about beyond that?” Jungeun’s voice was nearing a squeak. </p><p>“I’ll also be looking out for that,” she replied. Then she tugged her to the shore. </p><p>Jungeun went with her, but she was still leaning away. “Jinsoul, I know this fear’s probably really irrational, but I’m actually terrified of the ocean.” </p><p>She held her gaze. “I know,” she said. “But you’re brave enough to practically walk into an attack from blood elves.” She looked pointedly at Jungeun’s hands. “And you go off on your own, knowing spirits’ll be following you, and you’re prepared to be caught off guard almost all the time.” She nodded at the ocean. “That won’t happen there. Not if I’m there with you.” </p><p>Jungeun opened her mouth, closed it, before opening it again. “I can’t walk in there.” She shook her head again. “Even though I want to, my legs won’t do it. <em>I </em>won’t do it.” </p><p>“And if I carry you in there?” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes widened. “Uh,” she looked at the ocean, “that’ll probably just be more terrifying?” </p><p>Jinsoul moved her hands to Jungeun’s upper arms. “You said you wished you could know what it was like,” she carefully pulled her over one more step, “and see it the way we do.” She gently rubbed her arms. “And there’s nothing I love more then just listening to the ocean moving around me, the distant sounds all distorted under the surface,” she said. “I want you to know what that’s like.” </p><p>She meant that. Jungeun had been submerged before in her life, but not because she’d wanted to. She’d never been able to really take in the silence that came with being underwater. Maybe she’d hate it, or maybe it’d be something that would give her a bit more peace. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at her, brow deeply furrowed and the hesitance overpowering her gaze. </p><p>“I won’t throw you in. I’ll make sure nothing brushes past your foot or anything like that. You’ll be able to breathe and see fine. Promise.” </p><p>She looked back to the ocean. Her heart was beating double what it normally did. Jinsoul hadn’t been able to imagine her being so afraid, but she was seeing it now. It wasn’t something she was used to. And now she was backtracking, maybe it was better not to force her. </p><p>“We can do it tomorrow too,” Jinsoul said. “Or not at all.” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head again. “No,” she sighed, “I’ll go.” </p><p>“You have to want to,” she replied. “You don’t have to prove that you can handle this.” Because she really didn’t. An irrational fear didn’t mean Jungeun wasn’t brave. Jinsoul knew her well enough to at least know that was far from the truth. </p><p>“I kinda do,” Jungeun laughed slightly, “but I really want to see.” She looked at the ocean and her smile faltered. “I just need a little push.” </p><p>“But if you really don’t want to, we don’t—“</p><p>“You just have to push me,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Maybe even throw me, because I’m not walking in there. It’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Jungeun,” she started. </p><p>“No really,” Jungeun smiled at her, “I trust you. And I actually want to see what it’s like when you’re just, you know, swimming.” </p><p>“But—“ Then she realised what Jungeun had said. “You what?” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “What do you mean?”  </p><p>“You trust me?” The words sounded foreign to say. </p><p>Then Jungeun laughed. “Of course I do,” her eyes had lit up, “it’s hard not to.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t believe her ears. “You don’t have—I haven’t given you a reason to.” </p><p>The laughter faded.“You have,” she said. “Several times.” She didn’t wait for Jinsoul to speak. “I mean, you never even told the others about Yeri’s little jinx. They would’ve had the time of their lives trying to get me to fall for it again.” The corner of her lip tugged up. “Then you healed me that first time, when we—I was attacked.” </p><p>Jinsoul closed her mouth. She’d probably looked like an idiot gaping at Jungeun. </p><p>“It was lots of those things,” Jungeun continued. “The others trust you too. Jiwoo said she could fight with you at her back from that first time you fought together.” Her expression softened. “And so could I.” She was quiet for a moment, eyes flitting between Jinsoul’s. “This isn’t exactly fitting for the ocean thing, because I know I’ll be fine, but,” she bit her lip, “well,” she shook her head slightly, “I trust you. I have a lot of reasons to.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt an ache in her chest then. As well as a wave of confusion. “But it hasn’t been that long. And the way I acted—“ </p><p>“Time‘s got nothing to do with it,” Jungeun smiled, “I trusted Haseul from the moment I met her. You might’ve as well after a short time.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. </p><p>“As for the way you acted,” she frowned, “I’ve been smiled at and praised, but I wouldn’t have trusted those people to even get bread with me.” </p><p>Jinsoul suddenly thought of Jungeun’s mother taking her to get bread. She fought a smile. </p><p>Jungeun chuckled then. “All that being said, get me in the water, and we’ll go from there.” She took another deep breath and looked at the water. “It’ll be fine, right?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded and started walking backwards. Soon, the water was at her heels. “You’re sure?” She held the tide back. </p><p>She was eyeing the water. “I think so.” Her voice was an octave higher. </p><p>Jinsoul gave her a look. </p><p>Jungeun’s smile was shaky. “Just get me in there.” </p><p>Jinsoul tightened her grip on Jungeun’s arms. </p><p>Then she pulled her closer, letting the tide come even stronger than before. She forced the water to warm, before it grabbed them and pulled them into the ocean. </p><p>A strangled shriek left Jungeun and suddenly she was clinging to Jinsoul’s side. She’d squeezed her eyes shut. </p><p>Jinsoul brought them further out, but didn’t let the water go over their heads. She forced the light into her skin, illuminating the water around them. She closed her eyes, calming the current around them. Then she brought the water to submerge her head, but not Jungeun’s. She heard the chatter of the creatures and urged them all to swim away for now. </p><p>Jungeun was trembling in her arms, but she wasn’t telling her to go back. </p><p>Or maybe she too petrified to talk. </p><p>One of the sharks suggested coming close enough to tap its nose on Jungeun’s leg. </p><p>Jinsoul sent a stream of bubbles its way. </p><p>Sharks didn’t laugh, but this one practically did as it swam away. </p><p>Jinsoul opened her mouth, sending short pulses into the water, telling the creatures who’d understand, as well as any elves nearby, that Jungeun wasn’t a threat. </p><p>Now she just needed to make it clear to Jungeun that she was safe here. </p><p>The water fell away from Jinsoul’s head. </p><p>Jungeun was staring at her. “I heard humming, then some other sounds. Was that you?” Her eyes were wide and her arms practically pinned to Jinsoul’s sides. She couldn’t exactly hold her yet because of her hands, but Jinsoul knew she would have been. </p><p>“That was me,” Jinsoul nodded, “no one will be bothering us.” </p><p>She took a few seconds before replying. “You were talking to them?” Her heart was still racing, but she’d relaxed. Not much, but a little bit. </p><p>“I also told them you’re not a threat. Just looking.” </p><p>“A visitor?” Jungeun laughed, but it was almost hysterical. “They can’t sense the fire in my blood, can they? Because a healer once said that to me, so I was worried—“</p><p>“Jungeun,” she tried to sound as calming as she could, “you’re perfectly safe here.” </p><p>“I know,” Jungeun nodded, “but, well, the ocean’s deep. And it’s—“ She looked down, before closing her eyes again. “Oh it’s right there. That’s the worst part.” </p><p>“It’s not that deep here.” </p><p>Jungeun slowly moved her arms from Jinsoul’s side. “Please don’t let me go,” she said. “I just don’t wanna crush you.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “You weren’t.” A pause. “Well, maybe at first you were.” </p><p>She chuckled, but her eyes were still closed. The moon was reflecting off her skin, as well as the droplets clinging to her. Her hair was also brighter. “Sorry.” </p><p>“It’s okay,” Jinsoul squeezed her arms again, “but you’re in the water now. Maybe not swimming, but—“ </p><p>“Please don’t make me swim.” Jungeun’s eyes flew open. Somehow they seemed brighter now than they had on the beach. “I really can’t do that and I don’t want to. I can swim, and I’ll prove that in a little lake, but not in the ocean.” She grimaced. “And don’t let me go.” </p><p>“I won’t.” Jinsoul moved one hand from Jungeun’s arm to her side. “Don’t worry.” </p><p>She nodded, giving her the tiniest of smiles. </p><p>Jinsoul felt relieved seeing it. “We’ll just stay up here for a little while. Floating.” </p><p>Jungeun pressed her lips together. She was still shaking slightly. </p><p>“Is it too cold?” Jinsoul started to warm the water a bit more. </p><p>“No,” she said. “I’m just still scared.” </p><p>Jinsoul lifted her hand to her shoulder. “Can I do anything to help or is this something that just needs some time?” </p><p>“Time.” Jungeun nodded. “I just have to get used to this.” She glanced at the water, but quickly lifted her gaze back to Jinsoul’s. She relaxed a bit more then. “I hate floating.” </p><p>She needed a moment to process that. “What?” </p><p>Her smile was sheepish. “I’ve never liked it. I tried in the beginning, in a pond, or shallow lake, but I really hated it. I barely like swimming.” </p><p>Jinsoul chuckled. “Is this from being afraid of it? Or do you actually just not like the art of floating?” </p><p>“The art of floating?” Jungeun repeated, smile widening. Then she shrugged. “It’s actually neither of those things, it’s—“ She stopped. Her brow furrowed ever so slightly, as if she was debating something. </p><p>Jinsoul almost told her she didn’t have to go on. </p><p>“It makes me feel powerless,” she said. “If I stop walking, I’m just standing. Floating is,” she sighed, “you’ll think I’m such an idiot for saying this.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You’re not.”</p><p>Jungeun held her gaze, as if trying to see if she meant it. Jinsoul hoped she saw that she did. “Whenever I’m in the water, I feel like there’s a threat. Always one I can’t see, or barely feel. Until it’s there.” Her eyes became distant. </p><p>“Did that happen a lot?” Jinsoul asked. How many people had she instilled a fear like this in? </p><p>She paused. Then she shook her head, a bit slower than before. “I didn’t mean it like that.” </p><p>“Like what?” Jinsoul didn’t feel defensive. She thought she would have. </p><p>Jungeun’s jaw tightened slightly. “I’ve been close to drowning before,” she said. “A few times.” She looked down at the water before looking up immediately. </p><p>“Hey,” Jinsoul nudged her side, “if you’re going to start feeling bad for that, don’t.” </p><p>“But you love the water.” She shrugged, her eyes still on the sky. “And you said being surrounded by it is also peaceful?” Her brow rose. “Somehow?” </p><p>“It is,” Jinsoul said. “And I know it’s easier to say it, but if you just focus on the actual floating part, it gets better. You’re basically weightless, just like we are now.” She looked at the horizon. “Can I stop glowing for a bit?” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply immediately. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back to her. </p><p>“Depends,” she said. “If we’re going under, that light’s not going out.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Not yet.” She stopped glowing and held Jungeun’s arm a bit tighter. “Look at the sky, look at how the ocean and it are the same colour.” </p><p>Again, Jinsoul was surprised at how bright Jungeun still was in spite of the light having left her skin. </p><p>“Is that normal?” Jungeun asked after a long moment. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“It’s so quiet.” Her red eyes were finally on the ocean, almost searching it. “I just hear the wind and the waves on the shore.” </p><p>“That’s all,” Jinsoul said. “Up here at least.” She kept her mouth shut then. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t ask anything else, but she was watching the space around them. Her heart was slowing down. </p><p>She wished she knew what she was thinking. All she could see was that Jungeun was looking for something. </p><p>Jinsoul focused instead on the ocean. There was a school of fish coming their way. She nudged them away with the current. If they suddenly came too close, she knew that whatever peace Jungeun was starting to find would be shattered. </p><p>“I think,” Jungeun started, “I could try going under?” Her heart had picked up the pace again. </p><p>“Yeah?” Jinsoul looked over. She let the light go to her skin again, illuminating the water. </p><p>Jungeun looked down and stiffened. “Give me a minute first.” Then she sighed. “Wait, no.” </p><p>“Should I just surprise you? Or do you want a warning?” </p><p>“Warning,” she said immediately. “I’ll scream your ear off if you just drag me down there.”</p><p>Jinsoul probably shouldn’t have laughed at that, but she did. </p><p>Jungeun relaxed. “And I’ll be able to breathe?” Her voice sounded small. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “Your head doesn’t even need to get wet if you don’t want it to.” </p><p>She frowned. “But you said it’d be best to hear it for myself.” </p><p>“You’ve made it this far,” Jinsoul replied. “We don’t have to push it.” </p><p>She chuckled. “Actually, we do.” She looked down at the water again. “Because I probably won’t be doing this for a while.” </p><p>Jinsoul grimaced. “That bad?” </p><p>Her eyes widened. “No! It’s great,” she said hurriedly. “Honestly, this’s the best experience I’ve had with the ocean, but it’s—” One of her hands gingerly went to her chest. “It’s a lot to take in.” </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. </p><p>Jungeun was taking deep breaths now. “It’s not as bad as I thought,” she muttered. “Well, I didn’t exactly think much about it.” A pause. “But I can see it.” Then she took another long breath. “Okay. Warning and then just do it, otherwise we’ll be out here forever.”</p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “I don’t mind.” Then she gathered a bubble beneath the surface. “Whole head?” </p><p>“Not my ears,” she said. “I want to hear it.” </p><p>“This’s your warning.” She waited two seconds, before diving down, pulling Jungeun with her. She felt her tense. </p><p>She immediately put the bubble over Jungeun’s face, but didn’t cover her ears. </p><p>The ocean was quiet tonight. That was good. Sometimes the whales decided it was the perfect moment to be loud closer to the shore. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were still closed. </p><p>Jinsoul waited. She let the light seep into the water around them, illuminating the depths a bit further. Thankfully, it didn’t show any creature’s silhouette in the distance. Jinsoul wasn’t sure if Jungeun would’ve handled that well or not. </p><p>Then slowly, Jungeun’s eyes opened. She was still tense, her heart the quickest it had been tonight, but she looked around the depths. Then red eyes found hers. She was definitely scared, but not completely terrified. </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. </p><p>“Can you hear me?” Jungeun’s voice was muffled. </p><p>She nodded. “And me?” She made sure the water carried her voice properly. </p><p>“Wow.” Jungeun laughed. “That works?” She took a small breath, before gasping. “This works?” </p><p>“Told you.” Jinsoul let them drift a bit further down. “How’re your ears?” </p><p>“Fine?” </p><p>“It’s the pressure,” Jinsoul explained. “My body’s used to sudden changes, but yours, mostly your ears, might not be.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. Her eyes left Jinsoul’s to look around. “It really is endless, isn’t it?” Even though the words sounded a bit shaky, there was a familiar awe in her voice. </p><p>“Listen.” </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun actually closed her eyes. She was still very tense, but she was listening.</p><p>“I’m not sure if I’d call this quiet,” Jungeun said quietly. “And the farther I listen, the more I hear things I’m not sure I want to know what they are.” </p><p>“Listen to just what’s here then?” Jinsoul hoped the whales weren’t coming over here. The dolphins wouldn’t be the worst of company, but if Jungeun saw an actual whale, there was the chance she’d try and launch herself <em>out</em> of the water. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply. Her heart was still beating quickly.</p><p>Jinsoul wondered what it sounded like to someone who’d never been here before. Was the constant rush of the water weren’t something you could just ignore. Were they too penetrating? Annoying? </p><p>Then Jungeun let out a long breath. </p><p>Jinsoul looked, only to feel her breath catch. With her hair drifting in the water and her skin glowing gently, Jungeun looked like she belonged there. She had a small smile on her face as well. </p><p>The ache from before was back. </p><p>Then Jungeun’s eyes flew open and she immediately pulled Jinsoul over to her. “What is that?” The fear was back in her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul listened, only to hear that the whales had started their calls. One of them was below them. He was swimming up to them. </p><p>“Whales,” Jinsoul said. “Do you want to go back to the surface?” </p><p>“Wait.” Jungeun kept listening. She shuddered when the next long whine came. “They aren’t dangerous, right?” </p><p>“These ones are really nice,” she replied. “They’ve come here for a few years now. I’ve known this one for nine years.” </p><p>Jungeun’s brow rose a touch. “So,” she started, “they’re a friend? They have a name?”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “ We don’t give them names,” she said. “He’s asking if the others have seen you yet.”</p><p>“Me?” She looked startled. “From how far away is he coming?” </p><p>“A few hundred metres.” </p><p>Jungeun looked dizzy then. “Oh,” she said. “And how does he know I’m here?” </p><p>“Gossip through the currents?” Jinsoul wasn’t sure if explaining how information travelled within the ocean would be helpful or harmful to Jungeun. She’d tell her another time. </p><p>“Ah,” Jungeun hummed, “okay.” Then she looked down. “He’s closer.” In turn, she inched closer to Jinsoul. “They’re really huge, right?” </p><p>“And absolutely gentle,” Jinsoul said. “They eat really small things.” She didn’t mention the kind of whale that ate larger creatures. </p><p>“I heard about people who’d spent a day in a whale before.” </p><p>“That only happens if you’re really stupid, or really drunk.” </p><p>Jungeun’s hysterical laugh was back. “I think I’ll be able to handle seeing the whale, but after that I think I need to get back to the beach.” </p><p>“We’ll go immediately.” Jinsoul debated what she’d do next. Was she really going to call for him? And was Jungeun actually going to manage seeing the creature appearing in the distance and then coming closer? “I’ll be right here.” She pulled Jungeun closer to her. Then she called for the whale. She also told him not to make any sudden movements, and to not react if Jungeun screamed. </p><p>“How do you do that?” Jungeun asked. “That sounds exactly like the rest.”</p><p>“Practice,” she replied. “And the water helps with altering the sound.” </p><p>“So you couldn’t do that on land?” </p><p>“I could try,” Jinsoul laughed, “but it’d probably sound <em>very</em> messy.” </p><p>Then the whale call was suddenly a lot louder. </p><p>Jungeun jumped, moving her face away from it. </p><p>Jinsoul let her hide in her side. “It’s okay, he’s just being dramatic.” </p><p><em>Who is it?</em> The whale in question was swimming a bit faster now. </p><p><em>A friend</em>, Jinsoul replied. <em>Who’s terrified of water. </em></p><p>
  <em>And you brought her here?</em>
</p><p>“Do you want to see him arrive?” Jinsoul asked. “Or wait until he’s actually here?” </p><p>“Neither,” Jungeun muttered. “But I can handle it.” She slowly peeled herself away from Jinsoul. </p><p>Jinsoul put more light into the water, furthering the reach. </p><p>And then she saw the large figure drifting upwards in the water. </p><p>Jungeun let out a high-pitched curse, but she didn’t move. “Is that him?” Her voice sounded tiny. </p><p>Jinsoul pulled her back over to her, lightly holding her waist. Jungeun’s eyes were glued on the whale’s form as it grew bigger, still slow-moving. </p><p>“I can’t believe it,” Jungeun muttered. She was trembling. </p><p>“Too much?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>”Almost,” she squeaked. </p><p>Then the whale was barely fifty metres away. </p><p><em>Not too close</em>, Jinsoul warned. </p><p><em>Why not?</em> </p><p>
  <em>She’ll never come back into the water.</em>
</p><p>The whale came even closer. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were popping out of her head now. </p><p>Jinsoul hoped this wouldn’t traumatise her. </p><p>“I always heard stories,” Jungeun said. Even through the water, Jinsoul could hear how strained her voice sounded. “That these were the most amazing creatures to ever exist.” </p><p>Now the whale was twenty metres away. </p><p>Then he passed them by, a twinkling eye met Jinsoul’s, before fixing on Jungeun. </p><p>A low rumble came next. <em>Light like you?</em> More rumbles followed. </p><p>“What’s he saying?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“He’s trying to figure out why you’re glowing too,” Jinsoul said. “It took me a while to explain when the moon first gave me light. Telling them about other elves is a little hard for them to imagine.” </p><p>“Just like me imagining something like him is hard.” Jungeun stared as he slowly turned around in the water. Thankfully, he wasn’t swimming at the angle that let him catapult them through the water. </p><p>“He also wants to know if you’ve ever seen the villages.” Jinsoul laughed softly. “He’d take you if you’d want to.” </p><p>Her eyes were wide, but now confused instead of scared. “What?” </p><p>“He’d let you grab his fin, then he’d bring you down to one of the shallower Arcsan villages.” </p><p>“How do I politely say no to that?” Jungeun’s gaze was almost shy as she met the whale’s eye this time. </p><p>Jinsoul translated it one way. Then relayed the next message. “He’s offering to take us further into open water and then back.” </p><p>A small croak left Jungeun’s throat. </p><p>
  <em>Is that a yes?</em>
</p><p>“We don’t have to,” Jinsoul said. “It’s a lot faster than it looks when you actually try it.” </p><p>“Is it fun?” Jungeun was half-frowning, half-smiling. Jinsoul didn’t know if that was a good thing. </p><p>Meanwhile, the whale had gone to the surface to take a breath. </p><p>“I think it is?” </p><p>Jungeun shrugged then. “Then I think I can try it.” It sounded more like a question.</p><p><em>Go slowly,</em> Jinsoul said as she made the water push them to his fin. <em>Her hands are hurt</em>. “I’ve got you.” She put one arm around Jungeun’s waist and put the other on his fin. </p><p>Jungeun’s smile was strained. She didn’t say anything. </p><p>And then the whale was off. </p><p>Jungeun’s arms were wrapped completely around her. Jinsoul tried to make it so that the current wasn’t pulling at them too much. If Jungeun was suddenly drifting off into the sea, alone—she hardly wanted to think about that. </p><p>Then the whale dove down. Jinsoul quickly made an air bubble around both their heads. Hopefully that would mean that the pressure didn’t get too high for her. </p><p>“Are you okay?” she asked. </p><p>Water streamed off her face. Jungeun looked surprised. When the whale started to move up again, she squeezed her eyes shut. “Can’t say I saw much of the scenery,” she muttered. “But I’m fine.” She looked dizzy again. </p><p>Jinsoul patted the whale’s side. He slowly came to a stop. </p><p><em>Boring</em>. </p><p>After telling him she’d be coming back another time, she told him thanks, translating Jungeun’s shaky one, before she brought the two of them back to the surface. </p><p>“Was that too much?” Jinsoul asked when they surfaced. She made the current slowly propel them back to shore. They were far into open water now. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “Nearly.” She let out a sigh. “But not too much.” </p><p>Jinsoul still saw the relief in her eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever go into the ocean again?” </p><p>She laughed. “Actually yeah.” </p><p>“Really?” Jinsoul manoeuvred them so that the water wouldn’t spray into Jungeun’s face. </p><p>“Not alone,” she said. Then she added, “but you wouldn’t have to do it again. I’m probably a handful there.” She grimaced. “Sorry for, well, not letting go of you.” </p><p>“It’s alright, Jungeun.” She slowed them before they reached the beach. “I’d do this again if you wanted to.” Then she let a wave carry them back to shore, letting it rise a lot higher than normal. </p><p>They both stumbled when their feet hit the sand. Jungeun all but collapsed. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Jinsoul checked if she was conscious (she was). Then she carefully pried the water from their clothes and hair. Jungeun would probably get horribly sick if she spent too long in soaked clothes. </p><p>Jungeun closed her eyes. “Tired,” she murmured. Then she tapped her shirt, pinching it. “Thank you.” She smiled, before laughing softly. “You—your magic is really incredible.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt her face warm at that. “The water does most of the work.” </p><p>“But you do great things with it,” she replied. Groaning, she pushed herself back up, slowly opening her eyes again. “Not just the healing, but using it to talk underwater, move the way we did, help people who can’t breathe.” Her smile grew. </p><p>Jinsoul didn't know how to reply to that either.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jungeun said. “I,” she laughed, “I never thought I’d ever be in the ocean like. Ever.”</p><p>Jinsoul fought a smile. “I might’ve pushed you a bit too much.” </p><p>“You did.” She nodded. “But I needed that.” </p><p>“Needed what?” </p><p>“A push,” Jungeun replied. “I was terrified, so I needed that.”</p><p>“Is that how you always respond to panic?” Jinsoul asked.</p><p>She raised a brow.</p><p>Was she going too far? “Going headfirst into the problem? Forcing yourself to go into it?” Jinsoul almost wished she could be quiet. Things were calm, properly calm. </p><p>“It’s one way of doing it,” Jungeun shrugged, “and do you really think I would’ve managed any of that tonight?” She shook her head. “Because I really don’t. I thought I was just gonna stick to the beach, then be done with it.” </p><p>She looked down at her hands. She listened for Jungeun’s heart only to find that it was still racing. </p><p>“Would that’ve been better?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Silence. </p><p>She risked a glance up. Jungeun was looking back at the ocean. There wasn’t any hesitance in her eyes, only that strange awe she sometimes got. </p><p>“No,” Jungeun said. “This was a lot better.” She turned her attention back to Jinsoul. “It wasn’t how I’d imagined it. It’s,” she trailed off. “It’s actually calm,” she laughed softly, “it’s just there. Like the sky almost. Except you can reach it. Explore it.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t know what to say. Was Jungeun less afraid? Or still trying to reassure her? She’d been terrified at first, then again when the whale had come. </p><p>“I mean that.” Jungeun was smiling again. It softened her features even more. “I can’t say I see it like you do yet, but I know a little bit more about why.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. “That’s good,” she said. “That’s really good.” </p><p>She laughed again. “I think so too.” She fell back against the sand, a short breath leaving her. </p><p>“Tired?”</p><p>“Exhausted.” Jungeun closed her eyes. “You can go back to wherever you need to. I actually think I might stay here. There’s no spirits around.” Her smile grew. “And I don’t think I’ll be a lure for them at the moment.” </p><p>It took Jinsoul a few seconds to realise why. Jungeun wasn’t afraid. Not right now. She wasn’t angry either, or overcome by guilt either. </p><p>“Thank you, Jinsoul,” she said. “And goodnight.” Then she laughed. “I still think it’s weird to say that.” </p><p>“Are you really going to sleep on the beach?” Jinsoul asked. She didn’t move from where she was. </p><p>“I’ll probably be sore.” A pause. “But I’m really comfortable at the moment.” </p><p>“So am I,” Jinsoul replied. “I’ll stay here too.” </p><p>Jungeun peeked out of one eye. </p><p>“And I can wake you before you get a sunburn later today.” She leaned back on her arms. “Remember, I love being here.” </p><p>“I know.” Jungeun opened her other eye. “But doesn’t your leg need to be elevated?”</p><p>“That reminds me.” Jinsoul summoned the water from the sea, leaving the salt behind. “Just lift your hands.” </p><p>Disbelief flooded her expression. </p><p>“This barely takes a few minutes,” Jinsoul said. “And is it still painful?”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“Then don’t give me that look.” </p><p>Jungeun narrowed her eyes slightly. </p><p>Jinsoul just smiled back at her.</p><p>She didn’t miss how Jungeun’s eyes widened. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I,” she stammered. Her eyes lingered on her mouth. “I didn’t think I’d ever see that,” she murmured. </p><p>“See what?”</p><p>Jungeun met her eyes. “You smiling.” She looked away. “At me.”</p><p>Jinsoul knew Jungeun didn’t mean to, but a pang of shame came to her anyway. </p><p>She let moonlight seep into the water, before drawing out the healing rune. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were on the water. They were tired, but she looked like she wanted to say something else. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she could stand the night going on for any longer than it already was. </p><p>“Goodnight, Jungeun.” She lightly squeezed her arm. “You should probably sleep.” </p><p>“Night,” she murmured, yawning. “Thanks again.” </p><p>“You said that twice.” </p><p>“And I meant it both times.” Jungeun’s breathing was already slowing. Her expression relaxed. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away, watching the waves drift up the shore before going back. </p><p>Once she was sure Jungeun was asleep, she got up and walked back along the beach. She got to what they’d set up for the two of them. Another shared tent. </p><p>Jinsoul ignored how one bed was very clearly used and took the other one’s blanket. She went back across the beach. No one was awake now, everyone sunk deep in their dreams. </p><p>When she reached Jungeun, the fire elf had curled on her side. Jinsoul put the blanket over her. She brought some water into the sand beneath Jungeun, warming it slightly. </p><p>Then she turned her attention back to the horizon. The moon had drifted further across the sky. In the distance, the sky was slowly turning a dark blue again. </p><p>Jinsoul stayed where she was, listening to the ocean, feeling how the currents were going, which creatures were still nearby. </p><p>Jungeun’s heartbeat stayed slow. She didn’t start to move around, or make any sounds other than a brief mumble here or there. There wasn’t a shift in the light around her either. </p><p>The entire rest of the night, Jungeun didn’t have a nightmare. </p><p>Even when the sun began to rise, Jungeun didn’t stir. </p><p>Jinsoul checked again when the sun had nearly broke from the sea. </p><p>Jungeun’s skin caught the sunlight as well. Her brow was smooth, hardly furrowed. She almost had a smile on her face. </p><p>Jinsoul closed her eyes, trying to ignore whatever ache had been building itself in her chest. </p><p>She focused instead on the ocean, letting her mind drift along with the endlessness of it. </p><p>Then Jungeun stirred. </p><p>Jinsoul looked over, almost regretting it when she did. </p><p>The fire elf blinked slowly, squinting against the light. </p><p>“Jinsoul?” She looked her way, still blinking. </p><p>“Hi.” </p><p>“It’s day?” Jungeun’s voice was almost a rasp. </p><p>“Sunrise.”</p><p>“And you’re still here?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>“Did you sleep?” She sat up, running a hand through her hair. Even her eyes were changed by the sunlight, glowing even though they’d been dimmed by sleep. </p><p>“I’m nocturnal now, remember?” </p><p>Jungeun gave a soft laugh. “Then it’s time for you to go to bed then.” Her hand rested on the blanket then. The water soaked into it. “Oops.” She started massaging her neck, wincing slightly. </p><p>Jinsoul took the water away. </p><p>“But really,” Jungeun propped her head on her elbow, “are you tired?”</p><p>She was. “Slowly.” She took the blanket from her. </p><p>Jungeun frowned slightly. </p><p>“This’s mine.” She pushed herself to her feet. “When’re we leaving?” </p><p>She looked up at her, eyes finally adjusted to the sunlight. “You want to?” When Jinsoul nodded, she just shrugged. “Whenever you want,” she said. “Tonight, tomorrow—”</p><p>“We’ll go tonight then.” Jinsoul finally took a step back. “See you then, Jungeun.” She heard her response, but didn’t look back. </p><p>She changed into night clothes that didn’t have any sand in them. </p><p>Then she settled into the bed they’d set up. It was comfortable. The linen did nothing to keep the light out. She probably wouldn’t sleep long, but it’d be enough. </p><p>When she closed her eyes, she realised two things. One, the blanket was warm, as if she’d hung it by a fire. Two, it smelled like the smoke from said fire. </p><p>She dreamed of the sea that day. The depths were a deep blue, fading into darkness in the distance. </p><p>And then there was a glow far to the side. It began small, but quickly grew, slowly coating the depths in a red glow. </p><p>Jinsoul woke to the sun blinding her and a dull ache in her chest. Each time she blinked, she saw the same red light in her head. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So it's a very long chapter and it's also shortly before a time skip. I have very good news that Yerim will be coming to the story next chapter. It's about time too, but before then, I'd needed some things to happen. The main thing was actually this chapter. It might've actually been my favourite one to write yet in this story, partially because I'm fascinated by the ocean. I adore nature documentaries and the segments (or entire shows) on the oceans were always my favourite. It was nice to write from two differing perspectives on the sea as well. </p><p>There's not much else I've got to say, except that I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as well in spite of the length. Would absolutely love to know what you thought of it! </p><p>I hope you're all doing well. See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. With the earth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Years passed without any massive event. There’d been a few patrols where Jungeun had been attacked, but nothing more than that. Jinsoul was only grateful that she was there when it happened. Sometimes they managed to get a near fatal injury. Those were also the ones who didn’t end up surviving. </p><p>Jungeun kept having nightmares from her past. Whenever Jinsoul woke her, she squeezed her eyes shut, as if trying to hide whatever it was that’d filled her mind. </p><p>She’d tried to go into the ocean once every year, each time with the intention of trying to swim. She usually ended up either trying to hold onto Jinsoul so she wouldn’t sink, or she’d actually sink and Jinsoul would make the current push her back up. If that happened, Jinsoul dragged her back to shore, mostly because she was worried Jungeun would have a heart attack. Immortals didn’t have heart attacks, so she didn’t know how to heal those. </p><p>Jinsoul managed to master the moonlight better. She still hadn’t become a healer, but she was one when they went on patrol, hunts, or other tasks they were set. </p><p>Not once did Nuala approach her, but Jinsoul knew that the rumours were spreading. From what she could gather, people were waiting for her to make the change. Some seemed to be suspicious of it, others almost too interested. </p><p>Haseul told her not to mind it. “Nuala’s fine with it either way,” she told her each time it came up. </p><p>“And they’d have to shut up the moment you save their hides,” Sooyoung had added. </p><p>Time with the Astra blended together easily enough. </p><p>And even then, the patrols where it was only Jungeun and Jinsoul didn’t rush by. The silences remained, but their conversation had extended to easier things. Jungeun told her stories of early patrols, spirit hunts, as well as some of Sooyoung and the rest’s blunders. She called it ammunition, for when Chaewon or Hyejoo decided to bring snails or slugs for Jinsoul to speak with. </p><p>She hardly ever spoke of her life before. Jinsoul’s outburst that one night had practically made it a taboo subject. </p><p>So Jinsoul never asked either. At least she tried not to. Sometimes she made a mistake and there’d be a flicker of pain again, before Jungeun replied. She almost always gave her an answer. </p><p>Something Jinsoul had started to see in the fire elf was that she barely ever defended herself. Even in small things. Hyunjin, Jiwoo, and the rest purposefully avoided certain subjects, but if there were others, people who weren’t part of their little group, it was almost unavoidable for a jab, or even a harmless remark, at Jungeun’s past. </p><p>Either it was the suggestion that Jungeun was used to something, or there was the question of whether or not they should go after a certain threat. Be it a coven of witches, a large pack of wolves, or a rogue fairy or elf. Jungeun was consulted for those things, but people also held that knowledge in Jungeun’s face. She always accepted it and always gave them the answer they wanted. </p><p>It didn’t happen consistently, but Jinsoul had seen it happen multiple times over the years. Enough for there to be the faintest of trends. It was also enough for Jinsoul to piece more together. </p><p>The years had been uneventful. It had been ten years since Jinsoul had been given the moonlight. A century since Jungeun had come to the Astra. </p><p>And then Freya had come to both of them, an elder at her side. It was Eline, one of their most powerful seers. Jinsoul still didn’t really know what ‘powerful’ was supposed to mean when they didn’t exercise it enough. They’d only warned them once in the last five years that someone was even tracking Jungeun. They had to go to witches to actually find that out. </p><p>“Someone else is blessed the moon,” Freya said. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes widened. She looked at Jinsoul then. “From where?” There was a bit of hope there, as well as concern. </p><p>They’d both wondered several times if there’d be another. Jungeun had said it would take another hundred years. Jinsoul had said half that. </p><p>They’d both had the hope that it wouldn’t be as difficult for them. Haseul knew even more how to train someone with the magic, and they’d have two others like them. </p><p>Jungeun hadn’t said it, but Jinsoul knew she was relieved she wouldn’t be the only one to help the newcomer. She didn’t know if it was because Jungeun didn’t want to be the only one in that role, or if it was because Jinsoul wasn’t infamous. She hadn’t asked. </p><p>“Crosa as well,” Eline said, peering down at Jungeun. “No relation. Your paths have never crossed until now.” She looked at Jinsoul then. “Yours nearly did.” </p><p>Jinsoul exchanged a look with Jungeun. The fire elf was more comfortable around seers than she was, but she also didn’t like how some looked too far into their pasts, as well as their future. </p><p>“Shouldn’t be too long until you meet now,” the seer continued. “She's already left.” </p><p>“What?” Jungeun sat up. “She’s out there now?” The worry had won over her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t have to think long to remember her first real encounter with a spirit. She wouldn’t have managed without Jungeun leaving her the moonlight she needed. </p><p>Freya frowned. “Didn’t you say you’d learned the most when you’d gone off on your own?” </p><p>Jungeun pushed herself to her feet, the food abandoned. “I’d learned how to summon the light before I did.” She was already looking to the tent, muttering something about a map and the earth. “From where is she coming?” </p><p>“I can’t see that.” </p><p>Jungeun’s jaw tightened. “Then I’ll get it from Yeri.” She slipped past them to the tent.</p><p>“Do you know who they are?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Eline looked at her with a strange gaze. Jinsoul hoped she wasn’t currently looking at her future. </p><p>“She’s young,” she replied. “A strong tie to the earth.” She closed her eyes. “Her path has shifted several times tonight.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “She doesn’t want to come here?”</p><p>“Sometimes she does,” Eline said. “Other times she nearly goes back. Or she decides to go to the Warsa.” </p><p>The Warsa? Did she know anyone in the mountains? Or was that where she'd try to find a new home?</p><p>Jinsoul got to her feet as well. “How long have you known?” </p><p>Freya pursed her lips when she looked at the seer. Surprisingly, Jinsoul saw she was irritated. “I was told they’ve known for some weeks, and only told me at the start of the night.” She sent Eline a pointed look. </p><p>Eline didn’t look guilty. “It was never a doubt that she’d come here.” </p><p>“And was Jungeun going to meet her halfway?” Jinsoul asked.</p><p>“On some of the paths.” </p><p>Jinsoul had to force down her own frustration then. She wondered if it was the magic that addled their minds, or just the type of person who became a seer. </p><p>When she got to the tent, Jungeun was packing a bag, her movements sharp. She was worried. Very worried. </p><p>“You don’t have to come,” Jungeun said when she saw her. “It could either be a long trip, or a short one. I don’t know yet.” She frowned. “But that they're just saying it now,” she muttered. “We could’ve been waiting for it, or already been there.” She checked one of the knives before sheathing it. Probably with more force than she’d intended, by the way the sheath rattled. </p><p>“I’m coming with you.” </p><p>Jungeun paused, her eyes widening slightly. “Really?” </p><p>Jinsoul gave her a look. “The third person who’s like us,, she should know there’s two others if she doesn’t already.” </p><p>Jungeun’s face broke into a bright smile. </p><p>She was taken aback by it. That was another thing. Jungeun smiled easily. They were almost always genuine too. </p><p>“Good,” Jungeun tossed her a second bag, “I sent word to Yeri to already start looking.” She paused, looking at the entrance. “Should anyone else come?” </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. “We don’t know how she’ll feel about actual Astrans.” And with how it wasn’t completely certain that the elf wanted to come here, Jinsoul didn’t want to risk her feeling trapped. </p><p>She nodded, before sitting down on her bed. She watched as Jinsoul packed. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but look up every now and then. Jungeun glanced away a few times when Jinsoul caught her eye. </p><p>This time she didn’t. </p><p>Another thing Jinsoul had noticed was that the where moments when Jungeun didn’t hide her expression had become more frequent. When that happened, Jinsoul could see past the guilt that took over so much of her. There was a side to her that fit the way she looked, something calm, free of the shame and the anger. </p><p>“Do you think they threw her out?” Jinsoul asked. “Or that she just left?”</p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “Freya said they sent her away, and I doubt she would’ve been wanting to go.”</p><p>“Eline said her path keeps changing.”</p><p>Her brow quirked up. “I hope she says nothing about that when we get back.” Worry returned to her expression. It didn’t disappear behind a casual smile this time. She’d stopped doing that, at least most of the time. </p><p>Jinsoul packed extra clothes. What if the newly made Astran had needed to leave before she could even pack her things? They’d have to find food before as well for her. </p><p>“Finished.” She closed the bag. </p><p>Jungeun got to her feet. “We’re leaving immediately, if that’s okay.” There was a hint of a smile there, but it was overpowered by the worry.  </p><p>“Of course it’s fine,” Jinsoul went to the entrance to the tent, “she might need us.” </p><p>Jungeun’s gaze softened.</p><p>Jinsoul nearly looked away. </p><p>And then Jungeun left the tent, holding the flap open for her. “Let’s get the third of our kind.” </p><p>______</p><p>“I see her,” Jungeun said, breaking into a sprint. </p><p>Jinsoul scrambled to follow, barely evading a root on the ground. </p><p>“Spirits.” Light flooded the space around them. Jungeun held two curved blades. </p><p>Jinsoul could hear the spirits, how they were snarling. Waiting. She could hear the panicked breaths of another. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed her legs to keep going, even though they already burned. </p><p>“We’re here!” Jungeun called. The air was already warming. </p><p>There was one turned spirit. Four dark ones. They’d surrounded a large tree, encircled in dirt. </p><p>In the next moment, one was impaled by a blade. The next was shot with flames. </p><p>Jinsoul drew one away, holding her sharpened staff. </p><p>The tiger leapt at her. She stopped it with the weapon. She hated how it screamed in pain. </p><p>Another sound followed soon after, a violent howl.</p><p>Jinsoul watched as a bear began to change, going from midnight blue to a pale violet. </p><p>The tiger was now a bright gold. </p><p>Jinsoul dodged when the next spirit lunged. She was too slow. </p><p>It grazed her leg. She hissed. </p><p>She caught it with her hand and forced light in that way. </p><p>Flames erupted around another spirit, before there was a flash of light. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun drove her blade deeper into the spirit’s heart. She saw an expression she recognised. It was the one she’d learned that Jungeun put on when fighting. Her eyes were cold. </p><p>In the next moment, all the spirits had turned. </p><p>That cold in Jungeun’s eyes faded, replaced by fatigue. Then that vanished too when she looked at Jinsoul. "Are you alright?"</p><p>Jinsoul’s hand and leg were ice. She forced light to fill her limbs. "Fine." </p><p>Jungeun looked to the tree then. </p><p>“Who are you?” The ground shook. The sound of bark cracking filled the air. </p><p>Jinsoul saw the earth fall away from the tree, revealing a girl. Blood covered her face and neck. Tree branches were hovering in the air, the edges sharp.</p><p>“Astrans?” The ground trembled with each word. </p><p>“We’re from there,” Jinsoul said. “But my magic is water.” </p><p>The reaction was only slight, but Jinsoul saw it immediately. The girl flinched. Eline had said their paths had almost crossed. Had it been in a battle? Had she fought with someone else whose magic was water?</p><p>“And you’re the fire elf,” the girl said to Jungeun. Her eyes were purple, but they looked less bright than they probably should have. “The ones like me?” </p><p>Jinsoul saw it then. The slightest bit of hope. “We are,” she said. “I’m Jinsoul.” </p><p>“Jungeun.” </p><p>“Choerry,” the girl replied. </p><p>It was a fake name. One look Jungeun’s way only confirmed that. </p><p>“I didn’t think you’d come.” The tree branches finally fell away. She looked between the both of them. “My eye’s like that too,” she muttered. “Is it because I’m just half of what they are?” </p><p>“You’re not half of anything,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“Don’t lie to me,” Choerry snapped. “If you think you’ll be able to comfort me with empty promises, don’t even try.” </p><p>She felt a pang of hurt, but ignored it. She could barely imagine being forced to leave by her family like that. </p><p>“They’re not empty,” Jinsoul told her. “I thought the magic would be weaker too, but it isn’t.” </p><p>“Then why couldn’t I summon it?” The girl’s voice was still sharp, but relief was starting to soften the look in her eyes. </p><p>“It’s a new kind of intuition,” Jungeun said. “Something you just have to find and then use just as much as you would with the earth.” </p><p>“It’s different from fire?” Choerry asked. “You’re summoning things.”</p><p>Jinsoul spotted the flicker in Jungeun’s expression. Choerry would’ve hopefully missed it. </p><p>“Fire is,” Jungeun trailed off, “it’s always moving. The light isn’t like that.” Then she went over to one of the spirits. “The emotional fae’ll tell you there’s some connection to emotions, and there probably might be.” She knelt down beside it. The tiger regarded her with trusting eyes. They were blue, a great contrast to the gold. “But what matters is that our light changes them.”</p><p>“And turns them good?” </p><p>“Good,” Jungeun repeated. “Not good,” she said. “The other spirits aren’t evil either, but they’ll attack. That’s either because they’re scared of us, because the light hurts them, or they want to turn us too.” She looked at the tiger. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“But we’re hurting them,” Choerry said, eyeing the spirits. She didn’t look afraid. “Are we supposed to be okay with that?” </p><p>Jinsoul stayed quiet. She was content to just watch. She also wasn’t sure if every word she said would end up setting the girl off. Keeping it to one person was better. At least for right now. </p><p>“Not okay with it,” Jungeun replied. “It’s just something we have to do. Both for everyone else, and maybe even the spirits themselves.”</p><p>She thought of that expression on her face from before. The one that meant she was trying not to focus on what she was actually doing. </p><p>They’d talked about that. Jungeun hated hearing the screams, so she tried to make it as fast as possible. She’d learned that the flames actually helped to cover as much of the spirit in the shortest time, letting the transformation finish quickly. It was either that or a well placed blow to the heart or head. </p><p>“And you?” Choerry looked her way then. It wasn’t a challenge, but something close to it. </p><p>“I don’t like it,” Jinsoul said. “But the look in their eyes changes once you turn them.” Going from being full of anger and hate to being free of it. “They’re at some kind of peace when it happens.”</p><p>“I thought they weren’t sentient.” She frowned. </p><p>“Nobody really knows,” Jinsoul replied. “Not one fae can read their minds and no one can really talk to them.” She looked at the other two. “But look at their eyes. Does that seem mindless to you?”</p><p>Choerry’s frown deepened. “Is that important? If all we’re supposed to do is turn them?”</p><p>Jinsoul wondered if Choerry was just looking for a reason not to trust them, to find a reason not to care about what the Astra did. If that didn’t matter, then there’d be the chance she could just leave without having to regret it. </p><p>“You’ll learn how to do it, and then you can see if you’ll actually want to seek out the spirits,” Jinsoul told her. “But you decide.” She couldn’t help but think of when Jungeun had told her something similar. She didn’t know what Choerry had done for her people before, but she also didn’t know if she’d even be coming back with them. </p><p>Then Choerry’s expression softened. “Alright then,” she sighed, “can we get out of here?” She looked at the ground, before shaking her head. “The spirits—what they were before, I mean—they do something to the earth, to the trees.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. She was almost certain Jungeun didn’t either. </p><p>But she still nodded, briefly meeting Jinsoul’s eyes, before looking back to the girl. “We’ll set up camp then. Can Jinsoul help with your wounds then?” </p><p>Choerry’s eyes shot to her, both surprised and still harsh. </p><p>Jinsoul almost looked away. </p><p>“You’re the healer?” Choerry asked quietly. “You came to my people once already.” She looked away. “We were only a bit across the ocean, on an island, right at the base of the mountains there.” Her jaw tightened. “A group of your people from under the surface attacked us, wanting one of theirs who we’d sent to the Warsa. Remember that?” </p><p>Her heart sank. “I remember.” She almost told them they weren’t her people, but that wasn’t really true. “Not all of them were from under the surface.” Just the mention and the way Choerry was acting made sense. She was afraid of water and that was because of an attack from an Arcsan—maybe even one Jinsoul knew. Was she scared of Jinsoul too?” </p><p>“Didn’t really make a difference to us.” Choerry scoffed lightly. “Doesn’t matter if you’re above or below the surface, the magic still drowns.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked away this time. She knew that. She also knew who Choerry was. From what she’d heard at the time, Choerry’s magic hadn’t been as under control as it was now. She’d gotten caught in a whirlpool and lost control of her magic, killing the Arcsan who’d tried to kill her. </p><p>She’d seen it too. The trees had practically been torn to pieces, all reaching for the elf. The ground had opened up below the Arcsan. He’d probably been held in place while the trees had impaled him. </p><p>Choerry had refused to see her. She hadn’t been the only one who hadn’t wanted to be healed by an Arcsan. </p><p>“It heals too,” Jungeun said then. She was frowning at the forest to the west. “There’s a spirit slowly making its way here.” She then started walking in the opposite direction. </p><p>Choerry’s eyes were still on her. “I shouldn’t have said that,” she said. “I know why you were actually there.” Her gaze fell to the ground, which started to smooth over. The tree also reverted back to normal. </p><p>Then Choerry walked after Jungeun. </p><p>Jinsoul followed. She couldn't help but think of the terror that Choerry must have felt. When you were drowning, you were alone. The peace that Jinsoul coveted under the surface became a prison. She'd put people there before. Someone had tried to do that with Choerry as well. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun had made the three of them dinner: a curry just spicy enough to leave a slight burn, but not enough to leave them on the brink of tears. She’d made that once and Jinsoul had walked all the way to Yeri to get her to summon a glass of milk, because the delivery hadn’t come yet. The burn had barely subsided when she’d gotten there. </p><p>Choerry had let Jinsoul heal her. She hadn’t flinched away from the water and she’d given her a curt thanks. </p><p>Jinsoul counted that as a win. </p><p>“So you’re actually nocturnal?” Choerry grimaced. </p><p>“It starts to feel natural over time,” Jungeun said. “But you don’t have to sleep during the day. We won’t be either.”</p><p>The girl frowned. “And when will you two sleep?” </p><p>“We'll manage a few days.” </p><p>Apparently, the longest Jungeun gone was two weeks, helped by potions to keep her awake. Jinsoul had managed a week. </p><p>“I’m not gonna run away,” Choerry said. “You can let me keep watch during the day.” </p><p>Oddly enough, Jinsoul believed her. She adjusted her hands around the bowl. It was getting colder again. She let a bit of moonlight into her skin without making it glow. It helped a bit. </p><p>“You probably will,” Jungeun nodded, “but right now, I think it’ll be better if we’re all up during the day.”</p><p>“Is there a difference?” Choerry asked. “I usually felt clearer once it was night. Is that because of the light?”</p><p>“Probably,” she replied. Then she tilted her head slightly. “Was it always like that for you?” </p><p>“Not every night,” Choerry shrugged, “but often enough that it was something.” Then she looked between them. “It wasn’t like that for you?” </p><p>Jungeun met Jinsoul’s eyes then. “Night’s always been peaceful for me.” A silent question. </p><p>“I spent most of my nights swimming,” Jinsoul admitted. “But I did love the nights before too.” </p><p>“You never thought that was weird?” Choerry raised a brow. “It made sense to me once the light came.” Her expression soured a bit. For obvious reasons, it was a touchy subject. </p><p>The question made Jinsoul pause. Was Choerry suggesting they'd <em>meant</em> to be chosen by the moon? A part of Jinsoul wanted to believe it'd just been random. There wasn't something they all shared, except for the light they'd been given. </p><p>“I didn’t care much about it,” Jungeun said. “And day was just as fine with me.” </p><p>“Because of the sun?” </p><p>“It’s warmer, so probably because of the sun too, if it’s a ball of fire.” Jungeun shrugged. “I can’t reach that far.” </p><p>“Did you ever try?” Choerry asked. “I can feel the ground for several leagues away if I concentrated enough.” </p><p>“If the humans are right, then the sun’s even farther away than anything else,” Jungeun said. “And I did try, a few times, but there’s a better chance I’ll lift lava than get anything from the sun.” </p><p>Her brow shot up. “Can you?” </p><p>“I’ll get the worst headache trying to.” She shrugged. “And even after training with it, it never got less.” </p><p>Jinsoul held back a frown. </p><p>“You should’ve just stopped once it didn’t work,” Choerry said. “Why get a headache over and over again?” </p><p>It was almost funny how Choerry wasn't quite holding back on the questions. Maybe she knew that Jungeun would answer them, or she was trying to see how much she'd tell her. </p><p>“I was stubborn,” Jungeun chuckled, “but trying to ended to teaching me how to stop it burning me immediately.” </p><p>Choerry cringed slightly, but nodded. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t seem to notice, but Jinsoul knew why. Sometimes Jungeun talked about her training, about the lengths she went to, as if they were normal. Jinsoul avoided pointing it out, because when Jungeun realised it, she got that look in her eyes again. The one that was full of doubt and shame. There were a lot of looks Jinsoul didn’t like seeing on Jungeun.</p><p>“And lightning?” </p><p>“No hope of controlling it,” Jungeun said. “But I have some resistance. Not the best, but enough.” </p><p>“Enough?” Choerry looked at her, confused. </p><p>Jungeun was quiet for a few seconds. A shadow of the look appeared. </p><p>Jinsoul almost told Choerry not to push it, but she knew neither would appreciate it. </p><p>“Enough not to get killed in the first blast.” Jungeun slowly absorbed the bowl of moonlight she’d made. </p><p>Choerry didn’t ask anything after that. Her eyes had gone to the fire, her mind at work. Jinsoul both wanted to know what she was thinking about and didn’t. She knew that if Choerry did start asking those types of questions, she’d get the answers. Jungeun would hide the fact that she didn’t want to answer them too, so the questions would keep coming. </p><p>Then Choerry pointed at Jungeun’s eye. “How’d it happen for you?” she asked. </p><p>Jinsoul shouldn’t have been so relieved, but she was. She looked at Jungeun, only to find her looking back, silently asking her who would go first. </p><p>She nodded once. She hadn’t heard this either. They’d never talked about it.</p><p>“The light came without me realising it,” Jungeun said. Then she hesitated, “it was on the way back from a fight. I was an easy target.” </p><p>“Why?” Choerry leaned forward.</p><p>“If you’re afraid, angry, anything like that, and alone,” Jungeun shook her head, “then they come. Usually more than one.”</p><p>“Like earlier,” she finished. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. </p><p>“Who came to get you?” </p><p>No answer. </p><p>Choerry’s face fell. </p><p>“It wasn’t all bad,” Jungeun said then, a smile forming. “I lived.” </p><p>The girl’s brow rose. “So did I, and it was terrifying.” </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “I didn’t say I wasn’t scared.” </p><p>Choerry frowned then. “Did they send you away?” </p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>Purple eyes shifted to Jinsoul. </p><p>“Jungeun brought me to the camp,” Jinsoul said. “I’d gotten the light, but I’d barely used it.”</p><p>“Me too.” Choerry sighed. “But with you being their healer,” she looked back at Jungeun, “you their—” She looked away. Her shoulders drooped. </p><p>“Hey,” Jungeun moved over to her, settling down on the ground in front of her, “you meant something to them. People get scared like that all the time. They turn away from what they shouldn’t more often than you’d think.” </p><p>She gave her a look. “Is that supposed to be reassuring?” </p><p>“Yes and no.” The next smile was a bit sheepish. </p><p>Choerry snorted, but she looked less dejected. </p><p>Jinsoul saw the relief in Jungeun’s eyes then. </p><p>That‘d been her plan. </p><p>“We didn’t know about you until a few days ago,” Jungeun said, getting to her feet. “More?” She looked at the pot before looking back at Choerry, who shook her head. Then she met Jinsoul’s eyes, tilting her head slightly. </p><p>When Jinsoul nodded, her bowl slowly left her hands, drifting to the fire. Jungeun refilled it, before sending it back to her. </p><p>“And where were you coming from?” Choerry asked. “From what I can tell, the Astra aren’t exactly nomadic.”  </p><p>“Uh,” Jungeun frowned at where they were, “we’re on this continent. And,” she narrowed her eyes. </p><p>“That way,” Jinsoul said, pointing her spoon. “It’s a two nights’ walk, I think.” </p><p>Choerry looked between her and Jungeun. “Aren’t you the one who’s been lunar longer?” </p><p>The fire elf laughed. “I just follow the light now. Once you know how to see it, that’s all you’ll need.” </p><p>Choerry looked to Jinsoul. “Is that true, or does she just let you lead the way?” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Both.” </p><p>Jungeun sat down beside Jinsoul then. The air around Jinsoul warmed almost immediately. Had she even known she was cold? Or was she just warming the air up for all three of them? </p><p>“She also knows where the river flows, and I have no idea about any of that.” Jungeun glanced at her, a slight playfulness there. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back to Choerry, glad to see her more relaxed. There was even a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Can I ask what your magic is exactly?” She knew the effects, but was that everything? </p><p>She looked surprised, before nodding twice. “Plants and dirt is the simple way to say it, but, well,” she put a hand on the ground, frowning for a bit, “there’s a lot.” A flower rose from the ground, blooming immediately. On the rocks around the fire, moss grew. The trees leaned over, but their branches parted, revealing more of the night sky. </p><p>“Wow,” Jinsoul felt herself grinning, “is navigation also included there?”</p><p>Choerry smiled. “It will be once I’ve been there.” Then the expression faltered. </p><p>“Do you want to?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>She quirked a brow at that. “What?” </p><p>Jinsoul looked to Jungeun, before meeting Choerry’s eyes again. “Do you want to go there?” </p><p>“I don’t have a choice,” Choerry said, a bit more harshly. “I’m a hazard until I know how to control it. Even then I’ll still be a risk.” </p><p>“You can choose,” Jungeun replied. “We’ll teach you what we can. If you don’t want to be among the Astra, you don’t have to be.” </p><p>Choerry frowned. “And what, you’ll just stay away from camp? I learn slow.” She looked at the ground. The expression in her eyes was familiar. </p><p>Jinsoul immediately wished she could say something to get rid of it. “We have time.” </p><p>She shook her head. “And after that? I can’t go anywhere else,” she bit her lip, “and I wouldn’t go back home.” Tears were building in her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly reached out, but thought better of it. “We’d figure that out once we got there.” </p><p>“Why’re you’re even offering me that?” Choerry asked. “What would the Astra think if they sent you out, just for one person—maybe both of you—to be training someone outside side of your camp?” </p><p>“Wouldn’t really matter.” Jungeun shrugged. “But you could get to camp in a few days, turn around, and get to somewhere else that might be safe. You could leave after ten years, or a hundred. Whenever you wanted to.” </p><p>“Did you ever want to?” Choerry looked both hopeful and hesitant. </p><p>Jinsoul hadn’t asked that, at least not like this. Not that directly.  </p><p>“A few times,” Jungeun nodded, “but my life there, it—“ Her gaze grew distant. She pressed her lips together. “It’s the right one."</p><p>Choerry looked at her for a long moment. Then she looked at Jinsoul. “How’s it look after, well, however long you’ve been there?” </p><p>“Ten years,” Jinsoul said. She should’ve expected that the girl would ask this. She had no idea what to say. She couldn’t tell her she’d just accepted it, not when Jungeun had said what she had. </p><p>And it wasn’t exactly true either. </p><p>She could feel Jungeun’s eyes on her. When she looked up, her red eyes were both encouraging and ever so slightly uncertain, as if she wasn’t sure what Jinsoul would say. </p><p><em>Be honest,</em> Jungeun seemed to say with the smallest of nods. </p><p>“I’m still trying to find what’s right for me there,” Jinsoul said, pulling her eyes away from Jungeun. “It’s not home yet, but it’s,” she paused. She thought of the many meals had around the fire, the laughter and simple feeling of ease she’d been starting to get there. She still went to the sea and felt that ease ten times more, but it wasn’t as painful to leave the sea either. “I’ll be happy there.” </p><p>Choerry was quiet for a long time. It felt like she was overturning each word they’d said in her head. She was very clearly young, much younger than them, but there was still an intensity to her gaze. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away, letting her think it over. Maybe she’d change her mind tomorrow, or even later tonight. They wouldn’t know. </p><p>All they could hope was that Choerry would give them the chance to teach her how to use the light. After that, they’d have to let her do whatever she wanted. If she didn’t want to be among the Astra, then neither Jungeun or Jinsoul would be allowed to force her to stay. </p><p>And then Choerry nodded, deflating slightly. “I’ll see what it’s like there.” </p><p>Beside her, Jinsoul felt Jungeun relax ever so slightly. She knew that if she looked at her, she’d see barely concealed relief in her eyes. She knew she probably wasn’t hiding it as well in her own. </p><p>“Relax,” Choerry laughed lightly, “I’m not gonna run away from you.” She frowned at the direction they’d come from. “I’m not going off on my own until I know how to survive for at least a week.” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “I think we’d get you to a month.” </p><p>“Two,” Jinsoul added. </p><p>She looked between both of them, rolling her eyes slightly. “You’d think the two of you would be agreeing with each other about this.” </p><p>Jungeun chuckled softly. “And once we do agree, we’ll make sure you’ll be managing a lot longer than that.” She gave her a small smile. She didn’t say it, but that expression said, <em>trust me</em>. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Choerry gave another short nod, looking a bit more relaxed than she had all evening. </p><p>______</p><p>“I like her,” Jungeun said, her words breaking the silence of the night. </p><p>Jinsoul had been dozing. She straightened. </p><p>A small chuckle. “Did I wake you?” She nodded at the tent. “I did say I’d have the first watch.”</p><p>“We’re both nocturnal,” Jinsoul muttered. “We’ll be doing all watches.” </p><p>They were quiet for a few moments then. Jinsoul absorbed some more light from the moon. It woke her up again. Properly. </p><p>“She’s honest,” Jinsoul replied. “Except for the name part.”</p><p>Jungeun huffed. “Yeah. It’s a good strategy. If she’d ended up running, we wouldn’t have technically been able to find her again.” Then she sighed. “Do we tell her that the seers could do it anyway?” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “That just makes it all worse. If she does end up wanting to leave.” </p><p>“You’re right.” She nodded. “All we can do is just keep the Astra in a good light, but also keep it obvious that it’s not all easy.” Then she straightened. “Or I can, if you don’t want to. I just thought that since, well—”</p><p>“We’ll both do this,” Jinsoul told her. She almost reached out again, but held back. “It also makes sense, since she’s coming into a situation a little more like mine than yours.” She glanced back at the tent. She heard no movement. “And I think she’d like me even less if I didn’t get involved.” </p><p>Jungeun then turned to face her completely. “I don’t think so,” she said. “She’d just not like you as fast as she would me.” She winked, but there was still a seriousness behind that expression. </p><p>Jinsoul focused on the fire instead. “You want to say something else. Just go ahead and say it.”</p><p>“She’s not afraid of you,” Jungeun said. “And enough time has passed that she doesn’t completely hate the water. You saw how she let you put water here, right?” She pointed at her neck. “Even if it’s a bandage, I don’t let anyone do that for me.” </p><p><em>Would you let me?</em> Jinsoul nearly asked. She forced the question out of her head immediately. “I know, but you saw the way she looked at me.” </p><p>“She's trying to find a reason not to trust us,” Jungeun said. “She’ll keep doing that, because she wants another reason not to stay.” She grimaced. “You’d have been an easy way out. Me too.” She frowned slightly. </p><p>“She’s already warming up to you,” she told her. <em>It’s hard not to</em>. </p><p>Jungeun gave her a look. “Warming up?” she repeated. </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “I couldn’t resist,” she said. “But I meant that. She’s already starting to trust you.” </p><p>“It’s been a day. Less than that.”</p><p>“But you saved her life,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>“I didn’t save her life. We did, but those spirits weren’t going to get through the tree either.” </p><p>“You were honest with her,” Jinsoul added. “I think that’s probably the most important thing for her right now.” </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. She wasn’t going to argue with her, but she also didn’t believe it. </p><p>Jinsoul fought a sigh. </p><p>“So do you wanna teach her how to summon the light?” Jungeun asked. “Should I? Do we swap?” </p><p>“I’m not really a good teacher.” </p><p>“Neither am I,” she laughed quietly, “but Haseul’ll have a hard time getting through to her. At least for the first few weeks, so we’re what she’ll have if she wants to leave camp.” </p><p>Jinsoul sighed this time. “No pressure.”</p><p>Jungeun’s smile was bright. “I know.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how Seul did it.” The look in her eyes was proud. It usually was when she talked about the green-eyed elf. “She just,” a small sigh, “managed to figure out how to do it along the way.”</p><p>She nudged her shoulder with her own. “I’m pretty sure you did too,” she said. “I’m still here, aren’t I?” </p><p>Her smile softened. “True, but at the start you didn’t even know if you were allowed to leave. I didn’t either.” </p><p>“If I’d really wanted to,” Jinsoul started, “then I would’ve.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “I know.” She started looking away again. Jinsoul knew that meant she was looking for spirits. She also knew she wanted an excuse not to look her in the eyes. “I thought you were going to.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t say anything. Jungeun hadn’t acted like that in the beginning. She’d talked to her and treated her like she was there to stay. So had the rest .</p><p>Then Jungeun laughed, but it sounded strained. “Sorry, not the way to start thinking about the newcomer either, is it?” </p><p>“It might be possible,” Jinsoul said. “But I hope she doesn’t.” </p><p>She nodded again, but there was still a lot of uncertainty left. </p><p>“For how long did you think I’d leave?”</p><p>Jungeun’s eyes widened slightly. Clearly, she’d thought they’d dropped the subject. “Uh,” she glanced at her before looking at the fire, “it was probably just a gradual thing? After a year, I stopped wondering what day you’d be leaving.” A small chuckle. “And when it got to five years, I was pretty sure you were staying.” </p><p>“Funny,” Jinsoul smiled, “I knew I was staying within half a year.” </p><p>She looked at her properly then. “Really?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>Her brow rose and the corner of her lip tugged up. “That’s good.” Her mouth broke into a proper smile then. “Great actually.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost asked her how long it’d taken for her, but a part of her didn’t. Choerry would probably end up asking anyway. </p><p>And she also had an idea for the answer, but also the way Jungeun would probably look when she started to explain it. </p><p>So instead, she asked, “you’re warm enough, right?” </p><p>Jungeun looked confused for a moment, before laughing. “Toasty.”</p><p>“Good,” Jinsoul inched a bit closer to the fire, “because you won’t look nearly as cool if she sees how sick you get when it’s chilly.”</p><p>A soft laugh was the response. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but smile when she heard it. </p><p>______</p><p>Choerry had slept until mid afternoon. Jinsoul had almost gone to wake her, but Jungeun had held her back. </p><p>"We do want her to like us, don't we?" She'd smiled. "And neither of us know if she's a morning person yet."</p><p>When Choerry had woken up, Jinsoul's skin was uncomfortably warm from the sun. She'd been out during the day plenty of times, but her skin was getting more sensitive to the sunlight. </p><p>They started walking in the direction of the camp. Choerry didn't speak much to either of them, but she didn't walk behind them. Instead she was off to the side, pulling on the trees as she walked past. Bird calls greeted them and Jinsoul almost wondered if Choerry could also speak to animals. </p><p>Choerry didn't make any sounds in response, but she did smile when she spotted the birds. The smile quickly left her face and she glanced there way. It was almost as if she didn't want them to see any of that. She stopped pulling on the nature around her after that. </p><p>Jungeun tried to talk like she normally did, but after the first hour, she stopped as well. Instead she started playing with fire, letting it loop around her hands. Maybe that was one thing the two had in common. </p><p>They kept walking. The sun set and the moon rose. Jinsoul felt the relief she felt with the night. She wondered if that coziness she'd started feeling in the night had always been there, or if it'd only come when the night came. Except when it was completely dark, she'd never been scared of the night. </p><p>And then Choerry finally spoke. "I want to learn how," she said. "At least the start of it." </p><p>Jungeun stopped walking. Jinsoul did as well. </p><p>"It starts with finding where your magic'll come from," Jungeun said. Her voice had already shifted into something Jinsoul was so used to hearing from mentors. She'd been ready for this. Had she known Choerry would wait until nightfall? </p><p>Choerry frowned. "Isn't it right there?" She pointed at the moon. </p><p>"Yeah," Jungeun nodded, "but the light comes through us first. We have to be able to absorb it and then we can use it. I can't just pull on the light and make it into something immediately." </p><p>The frown deepened. "That doesn't make any sense to me."</p><p>"Fire needs air to burn," Jungeun said. "Plants need the earth to grow. Moonlight reaches us first. Then we can use it." </p><p>Choerry raised a brow. "And what do I to get that? Absorb it?" She looked at the moon, both frustrated and confused. </p><p>“Focus on a part of you. Everyone has a piece that’s more tied to the light than others.” She motioned between her and Jinsoul. “We both have a little bit in our eye, but hers is in her head, while mine is,” she touched her side, “my liver?” She looked at her. </p><p>“So an organ,” Choerry finished. </p><p>“Others have their hands,” Jungeun replied. “Or leg. It could be anything.” </p><p>Choerry snorted then. “Anything?” She raised a brow. "Has it really been like that?" </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun started to blush. “Not that way,” she muttered. “But if you’re the first, I won’t spread it around.” </p><p>“I’m not,” Choerry said. “Just checked.” </p><p>Jinsoul snorted. “I can think of at least ten people who’d have sent you to guard duty for that.”</p><p>“And five who would’ve loved it," Jungeun added, sighing slightly. </p><p>Choerry looked between the two of them. “I don’t usually talk that way,” she then smiled, a bit embarrassed, “but anyone would’ve seen that coming.” </p><p>“Anyway,” Jungeun lifted a hand in Jinsoul’s direction to stop her, “there’ll be a part of you that has more light than the rest of you.” </p><p>Jinsoul summoned a piece of light, feeling her eye warm. </p><p>Choerry glanced at it, then the light, before looking back at Jinsoul. </p><p>“Once you’ve found that tie to the light, it’ll be like having a new lens to see through,” Jinsoul said. “Jungeun told me to use my magic at the same time. There’s some kind of connection there.”</p><p>Choerry raised a brow, but nodded. “Makes sense. It’s all our magic anyway.” The trees leaned over to them. “Make sure to duck, just in case.” </p><p>“In case of what?” Jungeun was eying the trees. </p><p>“My hand slips.” Choerry winked, before closing her eyes. </p><p>“Was that a threat?” Jungeun looked Jinsoul’s way. </p><p>“Probably.” </p><p>“I can hear both of you, you know,” Choerry said. “I’m not thinking that hard yet.” </p><p>A few minutes passed. The trees weren’t creaking, even though Choerry had pulled them to bend almost completely over them. The branches looked more like eels than sticks as they swayed in the air. Jinsoul became more and more aware of how powerful Choerry’s abilities were. </p><p>The ground also felt like it was close to collapsing, but even when Jinsoul pressed her foot down, it didn’t give way. She could just feel that Choerry’s magic was there, ready to act. </p><p>Jungeun gasped. </p><p>And then Jinsoul saw it. The way that the flowers rising from the soil started to glow, as if their petals held the light. She watched the leaves of some trees also start glowing. The cracks in the earth began to glow, as if filling with light. </p><p>“I got it!” Choerry laughed. It was a musical sound. Her eyes opened, one of them was purple now. She was grinning. “I can feel it too.” Then her eyes widened as she looked at them. “Is that normal?” She pointed at them. “The light in you." Awe filled her eyes. "There’s so much.”</p><p>“It builds with time,” Jungeun nodded, “the Astra are born with all of it, but we have to get the rest of the light.”</p><p>“And then,” she frowned at them, “it becomes yours? Not just the moon? Or stays the moon’s?” </p><p>Jungeun looked confused. She glanced at Jinsoul. “Does it?”</p><p>“I think it’s ours,” Jinsoul said. “But even if someone ends up using too much, once they absorb the light again, it becomes theirs again.” She shrugged. “No idea how it works, but it does.”</p><p>“Okay,” Choerry said. She smiled again. Then she looked around them, blinking a few times. “Did I do that?” She pointed at the glowing leaves. </p><p>They both nodded. </p><p>“Wow.” She knelt down by a flower. It bloomed. The stem started to glow then. “Does the light do anything to it?”</p><p>“Probably,” Jinsoul said. “I didn’t use it yesterday, because the injuries weren’t all that bad.” She took out a waterskin and drew some water out. She watched for a reaction, but Choerry didn’t flinch this time. She just looked at the water with interest. </p><p>She let the water form a ball above her hand. Then she infused it with light. </p><p>Choerry immediately stood, watching it. “Can I?” She lifted a hand to it. When Jinsoul nodded, she hesitantly touched it. “It’s warm?” Then she frowned. “And is the light supposed to make me feel,” she looked at her arms, “different?”</p><p>“Different how?” Jungeun asked. “Calm? Dizzy?”</p><p>“Energised,” she replied. “Not weirdly, but it’s still weird.” She pulled her hand away. “Does that make sense?”</p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “Definitely.” </p><p>“Can you do the same thing?” </p><p>Flames bloomed on Jungeun’s hand, so much brighter than normal. The orange was joined by countless tendrils of light. </p><p>“But it’s not like Jinsoul’s. All that changes about mine is that I can use the fire on spirits,” Jungeun said. “But yours might actually end up being more like hers.” She looked at the leaves. “If there’s a change to them.”</p><p>Choerry turned to her then. “And what does it do?”</p><p>“It enhances the healing magic more. Takes away pain even better than the water does.” Jinsoul shrugged. “And I don’t have to cast as many healing runes.”</p><p>“Does it change anything when you drink it?” </p><p>Jinsoul could feel how her surprise spread across her own face. “Drink it?”</p><p>Choerry tilted her head, confusion making its way across hers. “You never thought about drinking it?”</p><p>“Uh,” Jinsoul stared at the ball of water, “no?”</p><p>Choerry looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to laugh. </p><p>Jungeun was looking between the two of them, clearly torn between saying something and just watching. </p><p>“You should try it,” Choerry said. “I could try it.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “You haven’t even absorbed light yet, at least not on purpose.” And she had no idea how it would feel to drink the water like that. What if it was stronger? </p><p>She smiled. “So how do I do it?” There was a glimmer of a challenge there. </p><p>Jungeun held out a piece of light. “Could be an intuitive thing, or you have to actually pull on it,” she shrugged, “from what I’ve seen, it depends.”</p><p>Choerry immediately took it. Was it recklessness? Or was she just eager to get the answers to her questions? It felt like she had a lot of enthusiasm, but still had a lot of it barred off. Would it change once she trusted them? <em>If</em> she trusted them? </p><p>She looked at it for a long time, brow furrowing. Then the moonlight melted into her skin. Her eyes glowed brighter. Her expression relaxed. </p><p>“I’ve felt this before,” Choerry said. “Only really in the past few weeks.”</p><p>“When you were using your magic?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>She nodded, before looking confused again. “Did that happen to you too?”</p><p>“Whenever I was distracted, the light got into the water,” she said. “I didn’t like it.”</p><p>“Why not?” Choerry asked. “Did it scare you?”</p><p>“It was a reminder,” Jinsoul replied. “That I’d have to leave.” </p><p>She looked away then, the excitement from before gone. Jinsoul felt guilty that she was the reason for it. </p><p>“I ended up figuring it out,” Choerry said. “And then they told me to leave.” Her expression closed off then. </p><p>Jinsoul started to get angry at Choerry’s people. Yes, they might’ve been scared and maybe the Astra had told them that she’d have a place, but the way it’d been done—everything that could have gone wrong seemed to have gone terribly. </p><p>“Woah,” Choerry was looking at her, “I just saw something shift. Is that normal?” </p><p>“Was it grey?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>She gave a slow nod. Her eyes drifted to Jungeun. “You have it too.” Then she raised a brow. “Is this because of what happened? You’re both angry? That shadow in the light’s anger?”</p><p>“Yes and no,” Jungeun said. “We don’t exactly see any emotions, but we see if there’s a shift, something between the negative and positive emotions?” She shook her head. “Some people learn to really see the differences, but it takes a lot of time.” </p><p>Choerry looked at the ground, then the flowers that had sprung up. Then she crouched down again, putting her hand around the flower. She concentrated on it, before sighing slightly. Then she took a deep breath, gasped, and then started coughing. </p><p>Jungeun lightly patted her back. </p><p>“I’m fine,” she rasped. “Just choked on air.”</p><p>“Good job.” </p><p>Choerry gave her a glare, but it lacked most of the intimidation she’d probably wanted. “Either way, I did it.” She put a hand to the ground, breathing in. The light slowly left the earth, making her fingers glow. “It’s amazing,” she whispered. </p><p>“You said you’re a slow learner,” Jinsoul said. “From what I’m seeing, this’s pretty na—you’re doing better than I did.” </p><p>Choerry laughed softly. “Maybe now, but it’ll probably look different once things get complicated.” </p><p>“More complicated than growing plants from a seed?" Jungeun asked. "Getting trees to bend and the branches to stretch like they do?” She raised a brow. “Compared to summoning light, you’ll manage.” </p><p>“Shaping it’ll be hard for me,” she said. “The plants,” she sighed, “it took years to get a seed to sprout. I wouldn’t have known if I could control something else if my emotions didn’t get tied into all this.” She looked at the trees. They slowly went back into place. “I don’t know how it’ll be.” </p><p>“We’ll show you,” Jinsoul replied. “And it’ll work.” </p><p>Choerry looked at her for a long time. Her brow was furrowed, but there was a little bit of hope in her eyes. It was growing, but confusion came along too. “Why’re you bothering with any of this?” she asked. “You don’t know who I am. You don’t have to help me.” </p><p>“We don’t,” Jinsoul agreed. She thought of what had greeted Jungeun when she’d come to the ocean the first time. How difficult Jinsoul had made it for her. She hadn’t realised what that’d meant until now. Choerry wasn’t even difficult to deal with. She didn’t look at Jinsoul with hate even though the water had once almost killed her. She didn’t look at Jungeun the way Jinsoul once had either. “But we’re both like you, we both had to leave our homes.” </p><p>“I know,” Choerry said. “But you don’t even know if I’m worth that trouble. The time, the work, it’ll be worth nothing if I leave.” Her lower lip trembled. </p><p>Something tightened around Jinsoul’s heart then. She could already feel the tears forming in Choerry’s eyes. </p><p>“Yes it will,” Jinsoul told her. “You’ll be able to defend yourself, turn them if you can. You’ll be safe.” </p><p>“And I should believe that actually matters?” Choerry asked. “The Astra want us in the same place. Is that really done to teach us how to defend ourselves? They told me the lunar elves wanted to save face and that’s why they don’t want us outside of their camp.”</p><p>“Maybe some think that,” Jinsoul replied. “But I know that’s not all of them. The reality is that if we’re out there untrained, we’ll attract spirits and we won’t be able to protect anyone. We learn how to use our magic, and we can.” She paused. “You could too, if you left.” </p><p>She looked away, back down at the ground. Jinsoul could still feel the pull of her magic on it. Was it because she was upset? Was it the confusion? </p><p>“That still doesn’t answer my first question,” Choerry said. “Why do you even care what happens? There’s other people who’d do that, you have everyone who taught the other Astra.” She scoffed. “Do they not want to teach the ones like us? Or are we just that different from the full Astra?”</p><p>“I told you,” Jinsoul put a hand on her arm, “we aren’t half of anything.” </p><p>Choerry’s eyes were on her hand. </p><p>She pulled it away. “When Jungeun came there, she had people to teach her.” She didn’t mention the fires they’d had her make for them. “When I came, I had Jungeun and those same people.” She also didn’t mention what she’d thought of Jungeun at first. That would come later. “And you’ll have us.” </p><p>The flowers sank back into the ground then. Choerry sat down. She was staring at the earth.</p><p>“Yerim,” she said then. </p><p>“Yerim?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>“That’s my name.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Thank you.” </p><p>Yerim just nodded. She looked tired. </p><p>When Jinsoul looked to Jungeun, the rest of what she might’ve said left her head completely. </p><p>Jungeun was smiling at her, her eyes shining. </p><p>She felt another pang in her chest just looking at her. It was one she recognised. Had she used too much light today? They’d had to deal with some spirits. The ache usually came after they’d fought something. Other times it came just around the fire. </p><p>She ignored it when Jungeun just nodded at her, that look still in her eyes. It reminded her of a sunrise. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's so nice to write OEC here. Yerim's character is also one that went through some change, so finally writing out her character is really great now. The dynamic between Jinsoul and Jungeun isn't what they have later on, but it's definitely changed. I can tell you now, I've been very happy to write that out. </p><p>I'm hoping to get another chapter done soon, but I have no guarantees. When uni starts again, I'll be swamped with a lot of things to do for a good three weeks. Writing is my stress relief, but editing takes me more time than it should.</p><p>Let me know your thoughts! Reading the comments for the last chapter was so nice, thank you so much for all supporting this story. It means a lot. </p><p>I hope you're all doing well. See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. I didn't know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s not going to work.” Yerim threw the piece of moonlight to the side. It went through a tree with so much force it broke. Just as the tree was tipping over, it stopped. The bark slowly regrew, reattaching the two pieces. </p><p>“This’s easier than that,” Jinsoul told her. “You just have to figure out how.” </p><p>Yerim gave her a barely concealed glare. </p><p>“Can you bring it back?” Jinsoul asked, nodding at the discarded piece of moonlight. </p><p>She sent her glare in the other direction. No movement. </p><p>Yerim sighed and then a tree branch started to move. </p><p>Jinsoul brought the piece of light over before Yerim could grab it with the branch. “Not like that.“</p><p>“I won’t get it,” Yerim shot back. “It was lucky I managed to even absorb the light yesterday. Don’t act like it was skill.” </p><p>“It might’ve been,” she countered. “So try.” She dropped the light to the ground. </p><p>Yerim grit her teeth, but she looked at it. </p><p>“Maybe—“</p><p>“If you tell me to be calm,” Yerim muttered, eyes flashing with a threat she didn’t say. </p><p>“Well, sort of,” Jinsoul admitted. “It might help if you hold this.” She handed her another piece of light. </p><p>She looked at the light. Her brow had relaxed, but nothing else happened. “Can’t we work on summoning it?” </p><p>“Jungeun’s doing that,” Jinsoul replied. “Except for light, I never summoned anything.” </p><p>“But you don’t know when she’ll be coming back,” Yerim replied. </p><p>She almost told her she did, but didn’t. Jungeun had just gotten a note from Yeri. It told her about a pack of werewolves who’d lost control of one of theirs. It was probably because of a witch. </p><p>And Jungeun was the one who’d be going after it. Hopefully to ease the lunacy that sometimes plagued the wolves. </p><p>She’d been gone for more than a day. </p><p>“You’re nervous,” Yerim said. “If that shadow and your inability to take a nap is anything to go by.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want to lie and say she wasn’t. She didn’t really want to admit it either. “She’ll be fine.” </p><p>“But?” Yerim raised a brow. </p><p>“Nothing,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“I mean this well,” she gave her a look, “but you’re a horrible liar. Even without the light, you’re easy to read.” </p><p>Jinsoul blushed. “Thanks.” </p><p>Yerim patted her arm. “If the stories I heard are true, then I’m pretty sure she can handle a werewolf.” </p><p>
  <em>If those stories are true, I don’t want anything to do with her. </em>
</p><p>Jinsoul swallowed the shame that rose. “They’re true,” she said. “But it’s not the wolf I’m worried about.” </p><p>She frowned. “I’m not sure vampires would fair much better, even if they did find her—“ </p><p>“She’s a target for a lot of people,” Jinsoul cut her off. The moment she did it, she watched for irritation to come and for Yerim to just stop talking entirely. She didn’t look angry, so Jinsoul kept going. “Either ones who want revenge, or people sent after her for that revenge.” </p><p>“Assassins,” Yerim finished. “But isn’t she one too?” </p><p>“For some things she is.” The thought still made her stomach turn. At least until she knew what Jungeun had actually been sent after, then it lessened. Somewhat.</p><p>“And now,” she frowned, “someone’s after her? Why would she go alone? Why aren’t we with her then?” </p><p>“There’s always a chance someone would come,” Jinsoul said. “And she didn’t want us there.” </p><p>“And you let her?” </p><p>Jinsoul laughed. “As if she’d listen.”</p><p>“You’re sure?” Yerim’s brow rose. “From what I’ve seen, what you say matters to her.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned at her. </p><p>“What?” She smiled slightly. “Would you two be getting along that well if she didn’t?”</p><p>Jinsoul almost told her how ‘getting along that well’ was definitely not the way she’d put it. Then again, they’d been living like this for over ten years. Neither of them had really changed much about it, even if Jungeun had essentially stopped being her mentor after two or three years had passed. </p><p>“She listens, but not when it comes to that kind of thing,” Jinsoul said. “She’s not stubborn with most things, but if you happen to get one of the exceptions,” she fought a smile, “you’ll have no chance.” Either it was Jinsoul and the others trying to convince her to just take one of them along when she was going off on a particular contract. Or it was Jinsoul insisting she take more healing draughts with her, or trying to teach her a little bit more healing magic. Jungeun’s argument against it was that it made her head hurt, but Jinsoul had a strong feeling there was more to that. </p><p>Yerim’s mouth twitched upwards. </p><p>Jinsoul stared at her. “What?”</p><p>She gave her a look. “I’m not that blind, you know.” Then her eyes widened. “And I’m not just saying that because you‘re both non-Astra, because—“</p><p>“I know what you mean.” Jinsoul looked away, forcing a smile, despite her stomach having flipped at the thought. “But no. There’s none of that.” </p><p>If anything, Yerim’s eyes became wider. “You’re joking.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only shake her head. Was it really that unbelievable? Was the opposite that <em>believable</em>?</p><p>She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought of it.</p><p>“Oh.” Yerim was frowning again. She looked confused. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure what to say. Was she even supposed to say something? </p><p>“Sorry,” Yerim said. “I assumed?” She was blushing now. She wasn’t the only one. </p><p>“It’s fine.” Jinsoul pointed at the light. “Bring that over.” </p><p>Yerim seemed happy with the subject change and started focusing on it. </p><p>After about five minutes of staring at it, Jinsoul saw how the piece of light tilted in their direction. She held her breath, not saying anything. </p><p>Yerim took a deep breath. The branches bent with it. </p><p>The light rolled over once. </p><p>“My head hurts,” Yerim groaned, “and I barely have it.”</p><p>“Then that’s enough,” Jinsoul told her. “Don’t force it.” </p><p>“Wait.” She clenched her jaw. </p><p>The piece of light slowly started to slide across the ground. </p><p>Yerim’s right eye was starting to glow, a sliver of white light across the bottom of her iris. She winced then. </p><p>“Careful,” Jinsoul warned. Unless she’d used too much light, she’d never felt a pain when using her magic. </p><p>“I almost have it.” Yerim took another breath. </p><p>Jinsoul could feel the tears building in the girl’s eyes. </p><p>Then the moonlight reached their feet. </p><p>Yerim let out a long sigh. She fell back. </p><p>Jinsoul caught her. </p><p>Yerim had squeezed her eyes shut, tears trickling down her face. “Ow.” She held a hand to her head. “Oh, it hurts.” </p><p>Jinsoul slowly lowered her to the ground. “Lay down.” She uncapped the waterskin. “Can I use the water? This’ll go on your forehead.” </p><p>“I’m afraid of swimming in it,” Yerim muttered. “As long as you don’t put it on my mouth or nose, it’s fine.” </p><p>Jinsoul infused the water with moonlight and put it across her forehead. </p><p>She sighed. “Better.” She winced. </p><p>“But not much?” </p><p>Yerim shook her head. “Probably just a time thing, huh?” </p><p>“Maybe.” Jinsoul sat down beside her. “Are you sure you couldn’t have just saved it for later? Maybe an hour?”</p><p>“I’ll try and lift it in an hour,” Yerim replied. Her brow was still furrowed. </p><p>“And then be out of it for a day?” Jinsoul asked. “Have a headache the entire rest of the night?”</p><p>She peeked out of one eye, before closing that immediately. “I don’t get it, there’s light on my forehead, but I can’t even look at you?” </p><p>“The light on your head is healing,” Jinsoul told her. “But your brain’s under too much strain.”</p><p>“My brain,” she repeated. “That’s what’s in there, isn’t there? I think there’s mortal diagrams about it, aren’t there?” </p><p>“Not many,” Jinsoul said. “Many still think it’s a sin to know about it.”</p><p>“What about you?” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled at the question. “I just wrap the head in water and cast a spell. It usually works.” She carved a rune into the ground beside her. “Did that help?”</p><p>“A little.” She sighed again. “It’s fine, Jinsoul. I’ll just wait it out.” </p><p>“But I don’t know if it’ll go away,” Jinsoul told her. “Absorb this.” She put the piece of light she’d brought over in her hand. </p><p>Slowly, it melted into her skin. Her skin glowed slightly. </p><p>“Can you pull it to your head?” </p><p>“What?” Yerim grimaced. </p><p>“Focus on the light that you have,” Jinsoul said. “Try pulling on that.”</p><p>“It’s the reason I have a headache,” Yerim said slowly. “Is that a good idea?”</p><p>“Right,” she frowned, “sorry. Don’t do that.” </p><p>Yerim smiled slightly. “No problem. The light helped a little.” </p><p>But it wasn’t enough. </p><p>“Relax,” she said. “I know you’re worried and I can’t even see you.” </p><p>“All this should’ve at least taken the pain away.” </p><p>“Maybe it’s just too much,” Yerim said. “Let’s just wait.” She let out a long sigh. </p><p>Jinsoul leaned back on her hands. She kept the water on Yerim’s forehead cool. She wondered what the reason for it was. Had Yerim had enough light? Was there still a block? Did she have another part of her that focused her magic, one that she hadn’t found yet?” </p><p>“Jinsoul,” Yerim called. “Stop worrying.” </p><p>“I’m not.” </p><p>She snorted, before groaning. “You sure?”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t answer. </p><p>“You know,” Yerim started, “I could try drinking the moonlight.” </p><p>“I haven’t really seen that bad of a headache unless the person had used too much light,” she said. “I barely even know what happens when a person drinks it.”</p><p>“I got headaches like this when I was first using my actual magic.” Slowly, Yerim opened her eyes. She squinted, looking at the trees now. “That’s why I’m a slow learner.” She sat up, groaning. </p><p>“Didn’t I tell you to lie down?” </p><p>Yerim’s eyes were still narrowed as she looked at her. “Yeah, but you’ll be worrying more if I look like some patient.” She sent her a smile, but it looked strained. “So if I tell you it’s normal, believe it.” Her eyes began to open again. The white crescent at the base of one was gone. “Well, at least I can look at you again.” </p><p>Jinsoul laughed. “Is it a sight you really want to see?” </p><p>Her brow rose. “You do know you’re actually gorgeous, don’t you?” </p><p>“Do I really answer that?”</p><p>Yerim’s smile grew a bit. “No.” Then she prodded at her head, her fingers sinking into the water a bit. “It feels weird.” </p><p>“Should I take it away?”</p><p>She shook her head. “I just have to get used to it.” </p><p>They sat in silence then. Yerim was looking around. </p><p>“And those spirits won’t come here?” </p><p>Jinsoul looked, concentrating a bit. Then she saw a pair of bright spirits. “No,” she said. “The wards we put up are against both.” </p><p>“Do those always work?”</p><p>“No.” She looked away from the light when she didn’t see another form coming through the trees. “If the spirits really want to get in, they will.”</p><p>“And that’s when they can sense you’re angry, or something like that,” Yerim said. “Why’s it just those emotions? Why isn’t it the positive ones? Wouldn’t they want to take away the opposite?” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “I’m not sure if they go that far in their thinking. They’re drawn to the what they’re most similar to. The bright spirits as well.” </p><p>“And that’s us?” she asked. “But they wouldn’t come just because someone’s happy?”</p><p>“No,” she said. “I don’t know why, but only if we’re Ast—I mean, only if the tie to the moon is there.”</p><p>“You can say it,” Yerim said then. “You can say the word if you want.” She shrugged. “And if you think I’m actually Astran, I guess you can say it too? Unless you don’t believe that.”</p><p>“We are,” Jinsoul replied. “If the moon gave us the light, even if we can’t use it, then we’re Astra.”</p><p>She frowned. “What do you mean if we can’t use it?” </p><p>“Not all of the Astra can use the magic,” Jinsoul told her. “I know a few, one’s a friend of ours, and she can’t use the magic.” </p><p>“What do they say about that?” Yerim asked. “Do they think she’s weak?”</p><p>“She isn’t,” Jinsoul said. “She does everything we do, patrols, hunts. Her friends,” even if the word didn’t match what that group actually was, “they give her the light she needs for the spirits. That’s all.”</p><p>She nodded. “And what does she think about people like us? Doesn’t that sting, knowing that someone could have magic of their own, and then what the moon has?”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t respond immediately. She’d wondered if Hyejoo had been envious of them, and maybe she had been at first, but she’d never shown it, or ended up growing sullen because of it. She’d even asked Chaewon once if she was. Chaewon had told her that Hyejoo had been hurt when she’d first heard of someone outside the Astra getting the moonlight. After she’d met Jungeun, that’d faded. </p><p>“It stung when everything started,” Jinsoul said. “But now she just thinks I’m weird.” </p><p>“You are.” Yerim nodded. She’d relaxed. </p><p>“Really?” Jinsoul asked. “You’ve barely known me a week.”</p><p>“That’s plenty to figure it out,” she threw back. “And Jungeun might’ve told me you talk to fish and some of your friends’re whales.” </p><p>“Dolphins too. And two sharks.”</p><p>Yerim smiled. </p><p>Jinsoul almost asked what else Jungeun had told her, but she didn’t want to ruin whatever was happening now. </p><p>“I think she wanted to make you seem less intimidating,” Yerim said. </p><p>“Do you think I’m intimidating?” Jinsoul almost took the water away from her head then. She left it there. </p><p>“At first, of course I did.” She shook her head. “You were glowing, your eyes were two different colours, and you’d practically gotten mauled by a spirit without losing it.” She glanced at her once. “And you were next to Jungeun, someone I only ever heard stories about, but all of them just made it so clear how powerful she is. Of course I’d have been intimidated.”</p><p>“And now I’m not?” She wasn’t sure if that was insulting or a relief. </p><p>“You were worried about a headache,” Yerim said. “And you’re worried about someone we both know can definitely handle herself.” </p><p>“And I talk to fish?”</p><p>“And you talk to fish.” She looked away this time. “But I’m not saying that as if you’re not powerful, or anything like that. I don’t think Jungeun’s that intimidating either, but I know she’s stronger than most people I know.” </p><p>“You’re not,” Jinsoul trailed off. What was she supposed to say. </p><p>
  <em>You’re not scared of her? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You don’t look at her and remember what she’s done? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re not like I was?</em>
</p><p>“I mean, you’ve known her longer than I have,” Yerim said. “But you can see it after a little while.” </p><p>“See what?” </p><p>“I always heard two things about her,” she explained. “One told me she was a monster, but others said she’s nothing like that. Those were the Warsa, people who’d seen her, more than a few times too.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “Did she spend that time near where you were?”</p><p>Yerim shook her head. “I just knew the people who’d seen her. They told me a little of what she did.” Confusion crossed her eyes. “Pretty much nothing, but what they asked her to do. Like the rest, except for helping along with trade.” </p><p>Jinsoul wondered how it had been when Jungeun had first gone there. Had everyone been afraid? Or just confused? </p><p>“And now that I’ve actually met her,” Yerim paused, looking at the ground now, “she’s honest and everything, but there’s something—” She shook her head. “You’re right, sorry, I’ve only known you two for a few days.” </p><p>“You can say it,” Jinsoul said. “I said a lot to Jungeun when I first met her.” She bit her lip. “None of it good.”</p><p>Yerim looked even more confused then. She didn’t end up asking about it. She just looked back to the trees. They swayed a bit. </p><p>“I feel like she’s sad,” she said. “Not like other people I’ve seen, but it feels like almost everything she says is somehow hiding something. She’s not lying, but she’s also not being open. She doesn’t have to be, but,” she glanced at her, “does that make sense?”</p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. She was more than surprised that Yerim had picked up on that so quickly. “She’s been like that in the time I’ve known her too.” She didn’t know if that was just Jungeun keeping her at bay, in some way or another, or if that was just how she always was. She was starting to think it was the latter. </p><p>Yerim looked like she wanted to say something else. She didn’t. </p><p>So Jinsoul didn’t ask about it. “How’s your head?” she asked instead. </p><p>Yerim lightly rolled her eyes. “Better,” she repeated. “Unless you wanna give drinking the light a try.”</p><p>“Why’re you so eager to drink it?” </p><p>She shrugged. “You haven’t done it yet, so when else’re you gonna find out?”</p><p>Jinsoul pulled more water from the waterskin. Slowly, she let the water become infused with moonlight. She didn’t put in a lot. She pulled off two balls of water and popped one in her mouth. </p><p>The water was still cool, but she immediately felt a shift. It was slow, but definitely there. </p><p>Jinsoul swallowed the water. The ache she had from the most recent spirit encounter disappeared. She felt the calm through to her fingertips. It didn’t feel foreign, but it still happened quickly. Her head felt clear. She was focused, almost more than she was when she held a piece of light. </p><p>Yerim had leaned forward, mouth wide to take in the water. </p><p>Jinsoul fought a laugh as she watched. </p><p>Yerim caught her looking and closed her mouth. “Is it safe?”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “I think so.” </p><p>She drank the water, before closing her eyes. “Wow,” she said. “It even tastes nice.” </p><p>“Really?” Jinsoul frowned. “I didn’t taste anything.” She drank a bit more. It tasted like normal water, at least like water when it was cold. </p><p>“It’s fresh,” Yerim replied. “Different to what I’m used to.” Then her eyes opened, now wide. “And my head doesn’t hurt at all.” She grinned. “It worked!” </p><p>Jinsoul could only stare at the water. It was still glowing. </p><p>And it could heal. Was that because her magic had to have an effect on it first? Then the moonlight enhanced that healing effect? Or was it the moonlight that had the healing effect, like with how Nuala used it? </p><p>“Are you okay?” Yerim asked. </p><p>“In shock.” </p><p>She laughed slightly. “Do you think it’ll work for bigger injuries too?”</p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “I don’t think so.” She frowned at it. “But it could make them better after I’ve gone through the rest of the healing.” She drew the water back into the waterskin. “Thank you, Yerim.” </p><p>She stared at her. “I didn’t do anything.” </p><p>“Yes you did,” Jinsoul smiled, “you asked if I’d ever tried drinking it and I hadn’t. I probably wouldn’t have for a few more years.” </p><p>Yerim almost looked shy then. </p><p>“And you got a headache too, which helped.”</p><p>She snorted. “Does this mean we can keep going?” </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. “It might’ve just gotten rid of the pain. You’re still taking a break.” </p><p>Yerim bowed her head. “Yes, madame.” Then she laid down again, closing her eyes. The earth around her head rose, creating a type of cushion. “Want one?”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Jinsoul said. “I’m not tired.”</p><p>“Because you’re both taking that elixir that keeps you awake.” She peered out of one eye. “Isn’t that just getting rid of the fatigue? Are you sure you’re brains aren’t just still tired?” </p><p>“No idea,“ Jinsoul admitted. “But even if I knew, that wouldn’t change that I can’t sleep.” </p><p>“I can,” Yerim muttered. “Goodnight, Jinsoul. Or do the Astra say good morning?”</p><p>“They say that when it’s time to sleep.”</p><p>“Weird.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Yerim.” </p><p>It was quiet again. Jinsoul watched the forest for any other spirits, or people. She didn’t see anything, or anyone. </p><p>Yerim was quickly falling asleep. She hadn’t let the earth form into a blanket. </p><p>Jinsoul quickly got one from the tent. She wondered why Yerim was staying out here for the night. She wasn’t as susceptible to the cold as another elf was, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get sick. </p><p>Then Yerim shifted, curling into the blanket a bit more. She looked even younger asleep. Peaceful. It made Jinsoul pause. Yerim wasn’t a stranger to violence, but it was something almost too easy to forget. It went beyond the frustration and homesickness that Yerim clearly had. It came when she wasn’t even thinking about leaving her home, even when she was talking about others. </p><p>Jungeun wasn’t the only one who was hiding something. </p><p>_____</p><p>The blood was still on her hands. She could still smell it. </p><p>If her thoughts slipped, she could taste it too. </p><p>Jungeun knelt down by the river and started wiping at her fingers. It was the third time she’d tried to take it off. Her hands were still red. </p><p>She’d barely managed to restrain the werewolf in time, but its mind had already been too far gone. The moonlight hadn’t calmed it, but made everything worse. It’d broken from the restraints and charged. It’d hit its target. </p><p>And then Jungeun had killed him. </p><p>She remembered what’d happened, but the details still slipped her mind. She just knew what had happened after. </p><p>The werewolf had whined, trying to get away from her. His form had slowly changed back, the fur falling away as fast as the blood dripped from his mouth. </p><p>Jungeun wiped at her face now, rinsing out her own mouth, fighting the urge to vomit again. Her head was pounding and aching all at the same time. </p><p>The werewolf’s eyes had been a bright yellow. They’d turned dark brown. They’d been angry, before turning afraid. He’d been desperate to live. </p><p>Jungeun had tried to make the healing runes. She’d not been able to use the moonlight, because that drove mortals mad. It would’ve been worse for the werewolf. He couldn’t have been much older than twenty. </p><p>The tear in his chest had been too large. The blood he’d lost had been too much. Not even his own accelerated healing had kept him alive. </p><p>He’d been dying. No rune she’d cast could’ve closed the rest fast enough. Even the most skilled of witches didn’t treat wounds like that. And even though his mind had been lost, even if he’d been reduced to less than an animal, he’d been afraid. </p><p>The last thing he’d had in his eyes was a plea for the pain to stop.</p><p>Jungeun had snapped his neck. </p><p>The worst might’ve been the acceptance on his family’s faces. They hadn’t been angry when she’d brought him back. They’d known he was lost. They’d just hoped that Jungeun could’ve somehow managed to heal him. </p><p>They hadn’t even blamed her. She’d wanted them to scream at her. </p><p>Jungeun closed her eyes before her thoughts could go anywhere else. They hadn’t even wanted their revenge. He’d lost his mind to the moon. It wasn’t just the anger that got amplified, but everything. It made the transformation go too far. Nothing could help. </p><p>But no pack would lose the hope that they could stop it. </p><p>At least not until they lost the person they’d wanted to save. </p><p>Jungeun grit her teeth. She was shaking. Her head hurt more than it ever had. </p><p>And she was still bleeding. </p><p>The worst blow hadn’t hit an organ. At least she didn’t think it had. Her lungs were free of blood. She was at her weakest when she couldn’t breathe properly. </p><p>She rinsed the cuts she could reach, letting more water trickle down her back. She debated going to Yeri just to avoid facing Jinsoul and Yerim like this. </p><p>But it was a longer way. The coward’s way too. </p><p>Jungeun pushed herself to her feet and leapt over the river. It pulled at the wounds she’d just tended to. She stumbled, cursing with each step. Terrified brown eyes flashed in her head. </p><p>It was cold. The water and blood had soaked into her clothes. </p><p>Jungeun let heat travel across her body. It was still cold. </p><p>And then she heard footsteps. Had someone known about the wolf? Or had they followed her? </p><p>Fire erupted along her arms. </p><p>She saw the light in the next moment and there was a spike in the pain in her head. The fire disappeared. </p><p>“Jungeun?” The steps quickened. </p><p>“It’s fine,” Jungeun called, hoping the strain of speaking wasn’t showing through. </p><p>In the next moment, Jinsoul was there. Her eyes widened. </p><p>“Did someone come after you?” She reached for her arms. “What happened?” </p><p>“No one followed me,” Jungeun said. She tried to avoid looking into her eyes. They were almost too bright to look into. The pain in her mind hadn’t gotten worse, but it hadn’t gotten much better either. </p><p>“The werewolf?” Jinsoul frowned. “How—”</p><p>“I didn’t know he was already gone.” She pulled away. </p><p>The realisation came then. “Can I heal these?” </p><p>Jungeun wanted to say no. </p><p>And then Jinsoul drew some water from the river. “You’re shivering, it’s going to be winter soon, and you’re bleeding.” A bit of that stern edge to her gaze was back. It was so familiar. </p><p>Jungeun felt the lump in her throat ease. </p><p>She let Jinsoul lead her back to the river.</p><p>Surprisingly, Jinsoul didn’t ask her anything else. The water was warm when it spread across her skin, rinsing the wounds better than Jungeun’s attempts had, before coating them again to start the healing process. </p><p>It was soothing the burn that’d started to spread. </p><p>“Yerim helped me figure something else out with the light,” Jinsoul said quietly. </p><p>“Really?” Jungeun could speak easier now. She focused on the headache, wondering how long this would last. She still wondered why it had to be the healing magic that made a pain like that. Did it work differently for her? </p><p>“Drinking it does something,” she said. “I think it’s another way of absorbing the light, but it’s different.” She held her gaze. “It works against pain too.”</p><p>Jungeun almost told her she didn’t want it. She knew it’d just start a discussion. Maybe she’d have to tell her what exactly happened. </p><p>“I’ll try it.”</p><p>The corner of her lip tugged up. Then she held up her waterskin. “I’m almost certain it’s not toxic, so you can have as much as you want.” </p><p>Jungeun almost smiled. “Almost certain?” </p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “I haven’t drunk an entire one yet.” </p><p>She took the waterskin and drank, forcing her hands not to shake. The water was cool, but it took away the chill that’d started to settle into her body. The burn of the wounds also faded completely. She felt at ease. Properly at ease. </p><p>The constant flashes of angry yellow eyes melting into brown left her mind as well. The pressure and pain in her head also started to stop. </p><p>She felt a relief she usually only felt after a few days. It washed over her, taking away the tightness in her limbs. Her hands stopped shaking. </p><p>She gave it back to Jinsoul. The elf’s eyes were on her face, brow now furrowed in concern. </p><p>Jungeun realised then she was crying. </p><p>She wiped at her eyes. “Wasn’t the water,” she said quickly. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Yeah, because this—“ <em>This shouldn’t be happening yet. </em>“I know it wasn’t.<em>” </em>The flow of tears had slowed. Jungeun let herself laugh. “I like that stuff.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked unconvinced. </p><p>Jungeun just hoped she’d let it go. </p><p>“Yerim got a headache when she moved the light,” she said. “She got it, but pulling it along the floor hurt.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s a slow start.” Jungeun couldn’t have been more grateful that Jinsoul wasn’t pushing it. </p><p>Jinsoul drew out bandages then. </p><p>Jungeun stared at them. “Did you know?” </p><p>“I thought you might be hurt,” she just said. “And I can sense if someone or something’s in the river.” She looked at her side. “Can you do it? Or should I?” </p><p>“Uh,” Jungeun reached for the bandage, “I think so?” If she made sure to move her shoulder the right way and didn’t twist. </p><p>Then Jinsoul moved a bit closer. “I’ll do it.” She was looking at Jungeun’s shoulder. “Lift your shirt?” </p><p>She did. Her clothes had been torn a few times over the years, so not much had been left to imagination in the past. Still, she blushed. </p><p>Jinsoul’s hand was cool where it brushed her skin. Jungeun jumped. </p><p>“Sorry.” She pulled away. </p><p>“It’s fine,” she said. “Everyone’s a little cold to me.” </p><p>Jinsoul’s skin started to glow, before she started. “Better?” Her eyes were on the bandage now. The focus in them made it less of a big deal. </p><p>Jungeun started to relax. It wasn’t easy, even with the light from the water. She was surprised it’d even worked like that in the first place. Maybe because she didn’t have as much light as normal. </p><p>Every now and then, she got the nerve to look up and watch Jinsoul work. She was careful not to put too much pressure on any of the wounds. Every now and then she asked Jungeun to lean forward. </p><p>The question bubbled up before she could stop it. “Doesn’t it get annoying?” </p><p>Jinsoul paused. “What?” </p><p>“I’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve helped me. At one point you could just say you’re tired of it.” Then she added, “I can handle these kinds of things.” </p><p>“I know.” She frowned. “Doesn’t mean you have to.” Then she moved on to her arm. “And if I’ve ever been annoyed to heal someone, it was when people kept messing with the sharks and got bitten in return.” </p><p>Jungeun shivered. “That sounds terrifying.” Jinsoul had shown her one shark. She had a nightmare about facing down a swarm of them. Twice. </p><p>“They made it a challenge,” Jinsoul replied. “Seeing if you could out-swim them, or other completely idiotic things.” She met her eyes then. “But that’s what’ll annoy me. Not this.” She gave her a small smile.</p><p>Jungeun felt a little more tension ease at the sight of it. “You’ll tell me if it does?” </p><p>“Probably not.” She then put her hands on her lap. “Finished. Don’t do any fancy stretches.”</p><p>“Fancy?” Jungeun repeated. </p><p>“You know what I mean.” Jinsoul got to her feet and held out a hand. “The ones you usually do would tear it all open in a heartbeat.” </p><p>Jungeun took it, wincing when she was pulled up. </p><p>“Sorry.” Another furrowed brow where her eyebrows arched upwards. </p><p>Jungeun smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay. Most things might hurt.” </p><p>Jinsoul’s brow rose slightly. “Is that supposed to be reassuring?” </p><p>“It is for me.” </p><p>Then Jinsoul’s eyes flickered down. </p><p>Jungeun followed. She still held her hand. </p><p>They both let go. </p><p>Her hand felt cold from the absence. That was rare. </p><p>Jinsoul cleared her throat. “I was checking. Yerim’s alright, but we should get back.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. She picked up the knapsack she’d taken with her, letting out a small gasp when the movement tugged at something. </p><p>“Careful.” Jinsoul plucked the bag out of her hand. “You’ll tear something else with this.” She frowned at the bag. “Did you pack armour in here?”</p><p>“Ironically, it’s silver.” She shook her head. “It was what they—” It felt like a blow to the stomach. Why had she taken it? It wasn’t a payment she should’ve had, it was— </p><p>“Jungeun.” The careful voice drew her from her thoughts. “Let’s just go back.” Jinsoul moved to stand in her view. Her hand went to her arm, gently encircling her wrist. “Come on?” </p><p>Jungeun was being pulled away again. She wasn’t shaking, but her chest felt like it was being weighed down. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t look her way while they were walking. It was a relief, but also nerve-wracking in its own way. She didn’t know how much Jinsoul was paying attention to. </p><p>So she kept her expression neutral. </p><p>Was it pathetic that a dead werewolf had done her in? Or was it just a sign that she was reaching another limit? Passing them meant taking time away. Not several months, but years instead. </p><p>“You’re back?” Yerim was at the entrance of the tent. She looked half asleep. </p><p>Jungeun half expected Jinsoul to let go of her. Instead, her thumb slowly ran over the side of her wrist. </p><p>“What happened?” Yerim stood, frowning. “Did someone end up coming after you?” </p><p>Jungeun could only shake her head. “Got caught by surprise.” </p><p>“And now,” her eyes went to the bandages, then their arms, “you’re all patched up?” She glanced Jinsoul’s way, before looking back at her. </p><p>Jungeun laughed slightly. “Yeah. I heard you’re moving light now?” </p><p>Yerim shrugged. “If you count dragging it across the ground.” </p><p>“I do.” Jungeun smiled. “But you look like you want to sleep.” </p><p>“I really do,” Yerim muttered. “But your footsteps woke me up.” </p><p>“Our steps?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>“I can sense it.” She waved at the ground. “I wake up whenever I feel something coming my way. Usually.” Then she trudged back to the tent. “Night, you two.” </p><p>“Goodnight,” they both said. </p><p>Jinsoul was still holding her arm, still tracing along the space between her hand and her wrist. “Hungry?” </p><p>Jungeun could only nod. Now that Yerim was gone, she felt drained. </p><p>This time, Jinsoul let go of her. The cold feeling returned to her arm. </p><p>They went to the fire, which was only a few half burnt logs now. </p><p>Jungeun made the fire rise, burning as though it’d never started to fade. </p><p>A bowl of light rose above the fire in the next moment. </p><p>Jinsoul was watching it cook. Jungeun could see she wanted to ask, to know what’d happened.</p><p>And she wasn’t saying anything. </p><p>“Here.” Jinsoul gave her a bowl. “I made it, but Yerim said it tasted good, so unless she lied, you’ll hopefully enjoy it.” </p><p><em>I usually do</em>, she thought. There’d been one time when she’d added spice to what Jinsoul had made. When the water elf had tried the food Jungeun tended to want to make, she’d complained about a burnt mouth for the entire night that followed. </p><p>Jungeun started eating. The taste was the reminder that she hadn’t eaten the entire night. “It’s delicious,” she got out, before she kept eating. </p><p>All too soon, the bowl was empty. </p><p>“More?” </p><p>“I shouldn’t.” Jungeun shook her head. “Then I’ll get sick.” Again. “Thank you.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded, but her expression was only a few seconds away from being a frown. </p><p>She prepared herself for the question. Jinsoul had already left it at the basic story earlier. She’d helped her. She’d even known that Jungeun had taken money for what she’d done. </p><p>“Do you want to be alone?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Jungeun hadn’t expected that. </p><p>She started to stand. “Because I can go if you want.” A small grimace was starting to form. </p><p>“You don’t have to,” Jungeun said. “I,” she stopped herself. Maybe this was Jinsoul trying to escape.  “Unless you’re tired.”</p><p>Jinsoul waved at the night sky. “Not really.” </p><p>“I’m not either,” she replied. “Not really.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled slightly. Then she looked back to the fire. “And you’re sure you don’t want another bowl?” </p><p>She did. It was another relief to get the taste of the day out of her mouth. </p><p>Then again, they’d usually been cooking more to have enough when morning came around for breakfast. </p><p>And then the bowl left her hands. Jinsoul filled it and sent it back to her. “You still look hungry,” she said, before leaning back on her elbows. </p><p>There was something in the way she spoke, how simple it all sounded. </p><p>Jungeun felt another knot in her chest unwind. She felt her eyes start to burn. She forced whatever was coming back. There were no sudden flashes of what had happened. Her mind went back to it anyway, the scene continuing to play in her head. </p><p>“Eat,” Jinsoul said. The bowl hovered in front of Jungeun’s face. </p><p>She ate. </p><p>Jinsoul was watching her. She looked to the forest every now and then. </p><p>“You can go if you want to,” Jungeun said between bites. </p><p>She shook her head. Simply. Again. </p><p>Jungeun looked back at the food. She took a deep breath. If something else happened now, if Jinsoul said something else, something that tugged at whatever Jungeun was trying to press down, it’d all come spilling out. </p><p>It was the last thing she wanted Jinsoul to hear. She didn’t want Yerim overhearing it either. Not now. Not for a long time if she could avoid it. </p><p><em>You could barely kill a wolf,</em> she thought. <em>And now it’s breaking you down</em>. </p><p>Her hands felt weak, as if the bowl would slip from them. She set it down on the ground. </p><p>Jinsoul stood. She walked over to her side and sat down. There might’ve been half a metre of space. </p><p>She hadn’t said anything. She hadn’t really needed to. It was enough of a question. </p><p>Or did it count as an invitation? </p><p>Jungeun risked meeting her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul was already looking at her. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said then. </p><p>And there it was. What she hadn’t wanted to hear. </p><p>Jungeun turned her head away and closed her eyes. No tears came, but that didn’t mean the feeling wasn’t there. “I’m not sure if you want to hear that,” she said. “I killed someone and got paid for it. Isn’t that—” She didn’t want to finish that sentence. <em>Isn’t that what you hate?</em></p><p>“You regret it,” Jinsoul said. It wasn’t a question. “You can tell me what happened.” There was the lightest of presses on her shoulder. “I’ll listen.” </p><p>Two words. </p><p>Jungeun opened her eyes, but kept them forward. </p><p>“He was young. I thought it’d be how we always did it.” She focused on the fire in front of them, feeling the way parts shot to the sky, before falling away, or sinking back down. “But he was already gone.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t say anything. </p><p>“I don’t know why it’s like this,” she said. “I can always move past it.” She wondered then if she’d said the wrong thing. </p><p>Then again, Jinsoul knew that. It was why she’d taken so long to trust her. </p><p>“Are you sure?” </p><p>Jungeun looked up. “About what?” </p><p>She frowned. “You don’t move past these things. At least not completely.” </p><p>Jungeun looked away again. “I wasn’t there to kill him.”</p><p>It was quiet. Jungeun could hear the river, as well as owls in the distance. Some other animals’ footsteps were going further away too. </p><p>Jinsoul hadn’t said anything. </p><p>So Jungeun continued. “I didn’t know anything about what’d really happened until after he was gone.” </p><p>“Maybe that was how they wanted it?” </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “Well, the witch did ask for me, so I guess she knew.” She scoffed. The fatigue was catching up again. “I wish I could’ve saved him.” It felt strange admitting that. The thought had never crossed her mind before. She’d once wished she didn’t have to fight. </p><p>“You tried.” It was barely a question. “Your head was hurting earlier, wasn’t it?” Jinsoul nodded to the tent. “I saw plenty of the symptoms already today.” </p><p>She didn’t reply to that. She didn’t want to hear Jinsoul’s reassurances. She knew that Jinsoul hadn’t been able to heal everyone. She knew that’d been painful for her. This wasn’t like that. </p><p>“What do you usually do when this happens?” </p><p><em>When I start losing it?</em> Jungeun bit her tongue. “I leave.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked away and nodded. “Will you?”</p><p>“I can’t.” The ground to the left looked like someone had buried something below it. Yerim might’ve used it to make herself a bit more comfortable. Or she’d given Jinsoul a seat. </p><p>“She’d understand.” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “That’s not the point,” she said. “There’s three of us and I think it’ll be good for her to have both of us along the way with her.” Then she realised how that sounded. “Unless that’s—”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Jinsoul cut in, but there was no edge to her voice. “I want to help her. Before she leaves, or if she stays, I’ll be there for her.” </p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jinsoul lift a hand before letting it fall again. </p><p>“For you too.” Jinsoul’s voice was quiet. </p><p>Jungeun had to close her eyes again. “You don’t have to.” </p><p>“I’d only be there if you wanted someone there. It can be anyone else, but,” she stopped then. There wasn’t disappointment in her voice, but some type of resignation. </p><p>“Thank you,” Jungeun said. “I mean that.” </p><p>Jinsoul was quiet. </p><p>“But this’ll be over soon.” She grimaced at how that sounded. “I mean, it’ll be something that I—where I won’t be like this.” </p><p>“Like this?” Jinsoul repeated. “You don’t have to force yourself to move past it. You can let yourself think about it too,” she said. “But you have to consider the rest too. He was already gone. His family already knew there wasn’t a high chance he’d live. You came to help him, and you still did.” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but frown. It was starting to sound like something the others would say. </p><p>And then Jinsoul shook her head. “Yes, you killed him when you didn’t want to, but he was already gone. He wasn’t the person he was before, only driven by instinct. They’d already lost him.” </p><p>“You don’t have to say that.”</p><p>“I think I should. At least once,” Jinsoul replied. “It doesn’t change that he’s dead, I know that, and you probably won’t believe that it could’ve been what was best, because I wouldn’t have thought that either.” </p><p>Jungeun could barely believe her ears. There were some things over the years where Jinsoul had very clearly been uncomfortable with going along with. She’d ended up staying behind for some things, but Jungeun was almost certain she was close to hating most of what they were sent to do. </p><p>When they left to help and only that, Jinsoul usually seemed relieved. Those were the ones that didn’t require killing anyone. </p><p>“I think I should stop talking,” Jinsoul said quietly. “Should I stay here a while?” </p><p>She almost wanted to say no. </p><p>But if things were quiet, she’d start to think. If she thought, then she’d think back to what happened. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to hide it. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “If that’s okay.” </p><p>Jinsoul gave her a smile that almost felt too gentle. She knew what had happened. She knew what Jungeun had done, and that she’d gotten paid for it. </p><p>“It’s okay.” </p><p>_____</p><p>Yerim was staring at the camp, gaze unreadable. She looked tired, as though the arrival had drained her. It probably had. While it hadn’t been that long, there’d been a lot of people. </p><p>A bit of discussion too, when Jinsoul and Jungeun had volunteered to teach her. They hadn’t said that they’d already started. Yerim hadn’t wanted that. </p><p>“If you wanted to,” Jinsoul lowered her voice, “you could go.” </p><p>Yerim smiled weakly. “I know, but I won’t.” She sighed. “It just looks so normal,” she said. “Nothing like what the elders or anyone else said.” She looked back at her. “So either they were lying, or they just hadn’t seen any of this.”</p><p>“They made stories, because they didn’t know,” Jungeun said. “I thought it’d be a village of moonlight.” Her hand was at her side, gingerly tracing the edge of the bandages. Despite the healing magic, the wounds still hadn’t sealed properly yet. </p><p>“I’d heard it’s a city,” Yerim said. “Everyone enveloped in blinding cloaks.” She looked back at the camp. “But they don’t even make the clothes out of light.” </p><p>“It isn’t exactly subtle,” Jungeun replied. “But a lot do like to make their skin glow, mostly for how it feels, but also for how it looks.” Then she nodded at someone. “Like her, she loves that.” </p><p>Sooyoung was coming over, a raised brow. She was glowing softly. “Gossiping?” she asked. “About me?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed. “Sure.” She turned to Yerim. “This’s Sooyoung. A typical Astran, who we’re okay with.” </p><p>Sooyoung scoffed. “You both love me.” Her expression softened when she met Yerim’s eyes. “Whatever they told you, don’t believe a word. I have my own stories about both, even her.” She glanced Jinsoul’s way. </p><p>Yerim nodded. It looked like she wanted to smile, but wasn’t going to. “We’ll see if I’m around enough long enough to hear them.” </p><p>Confusion spread across her face. “Oh.” </p><p>Yerim looked away. “I’m really tired now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll hear the first.” The smile she had faltered almost as soon as it came. </p><p>Sooyoung only nodded. </p><p>Then Yerim stepped back, glancing at Jinsoul, before starting to walk away.  </p><p>Jungeun squeezed Sooyoung’s arm as they passed. <em>I’ll explain later,</em> that said. </p><p>“Any requests for what we should cook? It’s Heejin’s turn,” Sooyoung asked, voice regaining her usual confidence. </p><p>“As long as there’s noodles, I’m fine with it.” Jungeun grinned. It was lacking at the edges.  </p><p>Jinsoul walked a bit faster to reach her side. </p><p>Yerim’s demeanour had barely changed from earlier. “Do I have to be awake during the night?” </p><p>Jungeun was walking on her other side then. “No,” she said. “But early evening could be a time we get in some training?” </p><p>Yerim shrugged. “Sure.” </p><p>“Do you want your own tent, or are you okay with it being in ours?” </p><p>Yerim’s brow shot up. “You’re okay with that?” She looked Jinsoul’s way, another question there. </p><p>Jinsoul felt her face warm. “It’s fine. Perfectly.” </p><p>“And we’re here.” Clearly, Jungeun hadn’t picked up on what she’d just suggested. She went into the tent. “I can get you a bedroll, or build another tent.” She turned to Yerim, looking a bit more hesitant with each second. “I get nightmares,” she said. “And it’s nothing bad, but,” she glanced at Jinsoul, “I don’t know if it’ll make your stay here worse or not.” </p><p>Yerim looked at her for a long moment. “We probably won’t be sleeping at the same time,” she said. “And even if we did, it’d be fine.”</p><p>“Then I’ll get it set up.” Jungeun smiled at her, before walking off. </p><p>Jinsoul opened the entrance of the tent. Yerim walked past her and into the tent. </p><p>Her expression changed almost immediately. It was a combination of homesickness and frustration. </p><p>“How’d you manage it?” Yerim asked. “I felt like I was the exotic animal you’d dragged halfway across the world.”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “It stops after a few days,” she said. “Maybe even less for you.”</p><p>“Because they get over the shock?” Yerim sat down on the ground, pulling her knees to her chest. “Because I’m just another surprise?” </p><p>“I wouldn’t put it like that.” Jinsoul sat down beside her. “But in a way, we all were.” She copied the way she sat, resting her cheek on her knees to look at her. “It won’t last. Around the right people.” </p><p>Yerim hummed once. “Is Sooyoung one of them?” </p><p>She nodded. “So is Haseul. She wasn’t there, but she helped Jungeun and me. So did Sooyoung.” </p><p>“Are they going to do that with me too?” Yerim didn’t look like the thought had been a comfort to her. </p><p>“Only if you want their help,” Jinsoul said. “For now, it’ll just be the two of us.” She nodded at Jungeun’s bedroll. It’d been scorched in two places in stretches as long as her arm. They’d been there even before Jinsoul had come here. She’d always wondered if it’d been from a nightmare she hadn’t been able to wake up from. </p><p>“Good.” Yerim was looking at the ground again. “Thank you.” </p><p>The flap of the tent opened and Jungeun came in. Her expression transformed within an instant, going from blank to a smile when she saw them. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but feel uneasy. She hadn’t ever seen Jungeun cry until she’d come back from fighting the werewolf. There’d been other times that’d taken their toll on both of them, but Jungeun had never reacted the way she had. </p><p>“Where do you wanna sleep?”</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Yerim muttered. “Maybe here?” She pointed next to her, right at the edge of the tent. </p><p>Jungeun just nodded and came over. </p><p>“Why’re there maps?” Yerim asked then. </p><p>“I plan my trips,” Jungeun said. “And I like to know if there might be places I have to pass by.” She looked her way. “There’s a few groups all around, ones who see if there’re spirits elsewhere and deal with them if they have to.” Her gaze softened then. “It’s sometimes an option if you want to stay here, but not be <em>in</em> the camp.” </p><p>Jinsoul watched for Yerim’s reaction. There wasn’t really a flicker of interest there, but she looked a bit more awake. </p><p>“I think I met one of them once.” She frowned slightly. “They don’t just hunt spirits.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “It’s mostly an extended patrol. Working with the elves or fairies there, but also the witches if they need to.” </p><p>“Have you ever gone?”</p><p>“A few times,” she replied. “But it’s—I mean, I prefer it here.”</p><p>Jinsoul suddenly thought of one of the first times she’d spoken to Sua, what she’d told her about when Jungeun had gone. </p><p>“So it’s not permanent,” Yerim said. “You can go and then come back?”</p><p>“I’ve left to go off completely on my own before, and then come back.” </p><p>There was the smallest of frowns on Yerim’s face. It left it soon after. </p><p>Jinsoul wondered how long it would take for her to know what that meant. She’d probably end up asking soon enough. </p><p>“And it’s really okay if I sleep at night? At least right now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jinsoul said. “But it might end up being really loud. And you could sense a lot of people coming this way.”</p><p>“I know,” Yerim shrugged, “if I hate it, I’ll just get up.” </p><p>“Here’s some more clothes too,” Jungeun set it down at the foot of the bedroll, “also the rest to clean your teeth and all that.” </p><p>“Thank you.” She crawled over to it. “I’ll probably be more awake in a few days. Maybe tomorrow.” She sighed. “Or I could try the potions you two were taking?”</p><p>“Depends on whether or not you want to change your sleep schedule,” Jinsoul said. “At first, you’ll be absorbing a lot of light to try and keep yourself awake at night. Then you’ll be awake for most of the day.”</p><p>Yerim nodded once. “So if I try sleeping through most of tomorrow morning?”</p><p>“It’s a start.”</p><p>Then she lay down. </p><p>Jinsoul looked Jungeun’s way, before getting up. </p><p>They both left the tent. </p><p>Someone was waiting, but a bit further away. </p><p>Jinsoul watched Jungeun start to smile as they walked over. </p><p>“I missed some of it,” Haseul said. “But I’m glad you’re both doing this.” She met Jinsoul’s eyes, nodding once. </p><p>“Where were you?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>Concern flickered in Haseul’s gaze the moment she looked Jungeun’s way. “Another little deal for moonlight,” she replied. “I got direct deliveries of fish for a month. Then a set of blades and shields I’ll have to sell on next time.” </p><p>Jungeun went over to a fire pit, lit the fire, and sat down. </p><p>Before Jinsoul followed, Haseul caught her eye. There was a question there. </p><p>She was surprised that Haseul had seen the change so quickly. </p><p><em>Later</em>, Jinsoul mouthed. A part of her didn’t doubt that Jungeun would tell Haseul as well. They didn’t go on patrols or anything. Jungeun had always said it was because the last thing she wanted to be involved with was trade or the political element of their society. She also admitted that she was technically not free of it, but preferred to ignore it. </p><p>“What do you think?” She tilted her head to the tent. </p><p>“It’ll take time,” Jungeun whispered. “And she might leave.” </p><p>Haseul frowned. “Really?”</p><p>She shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame her.”</p><p>“But you both stayed.”</p><p>Jungeun looked Jinsoul’s way. “We did.” </p><p>Jinsoul nearly smiled. “We just have to give her time. Actual time, not just a few weeks.” </p><p>Haseul nodded. “You’ll have it.” The corner of her lip tugged up. “I’m happy you’re doing this.” </p><p>She blushed slightly. “I have too.”</p><p>Haseul shrugged. “No one has to.” She glanced at Jungeun then. </p><p>Jinsoul looked her way as well, only to see that Jungeun wasn’t looking at either of them. Her ears were slowly turning pink. </p><p>“I think she’ll stay,” Jinsoul said. “But all we can do is wait.” </p><p>“Hyejoo was asking about her,” Haseul smiled fully then, “when do you think they can give her a little visit?”</p><p>“After her first hunt,” Jungeun replied. She looked up from the ground, meeting Jinsoul’s eyes this time. “When she’s ready.”</p><p>Jinsoul nodded. She couldn’t help but feel relieved at the conviction in her eyes. It was so different from that look before. It was one she wanted to see more. </p><p>_____</p><p>Jungeun was cold. </p><p>The first thing Jinsoul saw was how tightly she’d wrapped the blanket around her. She was shivering. </p><p>Jinsoul fought a sigh. It wasn’t a surprise, but she’d thought Jungeun had stayed warm enough not to get sick. </p><p>Then again, after the werewolf, her skin hadn’t been as warm, and all the stress from it had plummeted the moment she’d drunk the light. The healing had also been focused on her wounds, not a potential infection. </p><p>“Jungeun.” Jinsoul got up, going to her side. The air wasn’t getting warmer. That was a good sign. </p><p>And then Jungeun let out a small sound. It sounded pained. </p><p>“Is she okay?”</p><p>Right, Yerim was also here. </p><p>“Just a nightmare,” Jinsoul replied. “But it’s better to wake her up.” </p><p>“There’s ways to avoid that,” Yerim said. “Hasn’t she done that?” </p><p>“Sometimes.” Jinsoul put a hand to her shoulder, shaking her slightly. “Jungeun?” She shook her harder. </p><p>Her eyes opened. </p><p>And then the memory filled Jinsoul’s head. </p><p>Everything was white. She was freezing. She was also stumbling through snow, trying desperately not to fall. One of her legs was hurt, but she hadn’t slowed much more than normal. </p><p>And someone was coming her way. Quickly. </p><p>The ground shook. </p><p>She leapt out of the way then. An entire platform of ice flew up, launching her into the air. She landed on the bad leg and screamed. </p><p>A thin spurt of fire left her hands, already in search of someone. </p><p>A sharp cry let her know she’d hit the target. </p><p>She felt herself smile. Her lips cracked, dried from the cold. </p><p>Then her vision cleared. Jungeun was talking to Yerim. </p><p>“I don’t know. Seeing dreams isn’t impossible,” she said. Then she looked at Jinsoul. “Are you okay?” </p><p>Jinsoul felt caught, as if she’d once again seen something she shouldn’t have. “Fine.” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. </p><p>“So you saw her dream?” Yerim asked. </p><p><em>A memory. </em>Jinsoul nodded. “What’s it look like when it happens?” </p><p>“Your eye turns white,” she said. </p><p>“And you don’t see us,” Jungeun added. She looked worried. Her eyes were dimmer too. </p><p>“You’re sick again.” </p><p>Jungeun blinked. </p><p>“Anyone hungry?” Yerim asked. “I am.” </p><p> Before either of them could answer, Yerim left the tent. </p><p>Jungeun laughed. She coughed afterwards. </p><p>“Told you,” Jinsoul muttered. </p><p>“One cough,” Jungeun retorted. “Not sick.” </p><p>She lifted a hand to her forehead. It was cold. “You are.” She wondered how sick Jungeun had been after she’d left that place of ice.</p><p>Then Jungeun fixed her with a questioning gaze. “What did you see?” </p><p>Again, Jinsoul felt caught. She shouldn’t have seen what she had before, nor what she had now. </p><p>“Was it the north? Or the south?”</p><p>Jungeun took a deep breath. “South.”</p><p>“Why would you go there?” She didn’t want to ask what had happened to the attacker, or even what’d happened before really. </p><p>She chuckled. “It’s supposed to be the coldest place,” Jungeun said. “I wanted to see what’d end up happening.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost couldn’t believe her ears. Except it made sense. </p><p>“And what did?” Yerim had poked her head through the tent’s opening. “Sorry, I heard you went to Antarctica. I’ve always wanted to go.” </p><p>“The fires burnt out,” Jungeun said. “But I saw those lights in the sky, the different colours.”</p><p>“I’ve seen them in the north.” She started to smile. It was a relief to see that expression. “I’d heard they were in the south too, but I’d never believed that.” </p><p>Jungeun grinned. “It’s beautiful.” </p><p>“Food’s ready,” Yerim said. “It’s my breakfast, so you’re having eggs.” She fixed a look Jungeun’s way. “And there’s spice on the side.”</p><p>Jungeun pushed herself to her feet, wincing slightly. She glanced at Jinsoul. “It’s just not healed yet, it’ll be by the end of the weak.” </p><p>“Your own healing slows down when you’re sick,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>She lightly pushed her shoulder as they went to the fire-pit. “What do I have to make?”</p><p>Jinsoul quickly went back into the tent then. She came out with a small sack. She pushed it into Jungeun’s hands. </p><p>Jungeun looked at it, then back to her. </p><p>“I got that from Yeri.” She looked around the camp. It was empty, everyone asleep. </p><p>And the sun was burning brightly in the sky. </p><p>“How much?” Jungeun opened it, peeking down at the leaves and powder. </p><p>Yeri hadn’t accepted any money, let alone a favour. “The family we healed two months ago.”</p><p>Jungeun frowned at her. “When did you get these?”</p><p>Jinsoul almost didn’t want to answer that. </p><p>“Here.” Yerim pushed a bowl into both their hands. It was smoothly formed wood. “Eating something’s also good for your health.” Then she looked at the leaves. “You use eucalyptus for this?” </p><p>“If she starts getting a lung infection.” </p><p>Yerim raised a brow at Jungeun. “And this happens enough that it’s normal?” </p><p>She laughed softly. “The season changes and I’m terrible with cold temperatures.”</p><p>Her brow rose higher. “And you went to <em>Antarctica</em>?”</p><p>Jungeun looked embarrassed when she nodded. </p><p>“It’s almost like if she went to a volcano, or you went into the actual ocean.”</p><p>“She has,” Jinsoul said. “But I never went to a volcano.” She wasn’t vulnerable to heat, but she didn’t really like it either. </p><p>“The ocean,” Yerim repeated. She stared at Jungeun. “Are you mad, or,” she looked Jinsoul’s way, “you’re used to this?”</p><p>“She helped me actually get into the ocean,” Jungeun replied. She was smiling. “So that’s not new to her.”</p><p>“You being in the south was,” Jinsoul nudged her leg with her foot, “please tell me that was the only time you went.”</p><p>When she didn’t say anything, Jinsoul exchanged a look with Yerim. </p><p>“You really are crazy,” Yerim said, shaking her head. “People can go their entire lives without freezing. You could’ve been one of them. When do you <em>ever</em> need to go to the coldest places?” </p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “I’d explain myself, but it’d probably just sound worse.”</p><p>“But it isn’t?” Yerim frowned. </p><p>“I don’t recommend it,” she replied. “But it helped me learn how to get better against cold and ice.”</p><p>And then the understanding came. Yerim looked once Jinsoul’s way, before she nodded. </p><p>“This’s good,” Jungeun said. She kept eating the eggs. A not so subtle <em>change the subject</em>. </p><p>Yerim let it happen. Instead of the cold, she asked about the different duties of the Astra. </p><p>They told her what they could, including the things they did around camp. </p><p>Jungeun’s coughs got progressively worse. </p><p>So Jinsoul made the tea, let a bit of moonlight go into the water, before sending her to go sleep. Surprisingly, Jungeun listened. </p><p>They sat by the fire. Even though the sky was blue and the sun was bright, the air was cold. Jinsoul liked winter, but she usually paid little attention to when the seasons changed. Now she did. </p><p>“So that’s how she is?” Yerim was looking at the tent. “If anything could be a weakness, she’ll just go to the extreme?”</p><p>“She sees what her limits are, or tries to not be afraid.”</p><p>“Does it work?” </p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “She’s still afraid of the ocean,”she said. “But she knows what to expect.”</p><p>“But you can avoid that,” Yerim said quietly. “If you know there’s an ice-wielder, or anything like that, you can avoid them.”</p><p>“She won’t.” </p><p>“Why?” She frowned. “That’s like staying in front of a drawn bow, just waiting for the arrow to leave.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t nod, but she also didn’t deny it. It wasn’t her place to explain that part of Jungeun’s life. Yerim would probably realise what it was over time, or maybe Jungeun would tell her. She didn’t know. </p><p>Then Yerim nodded. “She can’t actually avoid them either. The ones who come after her.”</p><p>Jinsoul thought of the fight she’d seen in the ice. </p><p>“She could,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“But she won’t?” Yerim finished. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>_____</p><p>“So how was Jinsoul on all this?” Haseul asked, leaning back on her elbows. “Difficult again?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “She was great.” She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself. The worst of whatever illness had awaited her hadn’t come. She still had a chill, a sore throat, and a headache. </p><p>Sooyoung hummed once. “Good.” There was an edge to those words. </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but frown. </p><p>She gave her a look. “What, I can still be bitter about it, can’t I?”</p><p>“That was years ago. And I’m not.”</p><p>“You never were,” Haseul said. </p><p>Jungeun fought a retort to that, almost saying that neither of them should’ve been angry before and that both should’ve forgotten about it now. </p><p>“I didn’t have to be,” Jungeun replied. “And if there was anything she had to make up for, which she didn’t, that was settled in the first year.”</p><p>Both looked unconvinced. </p><p>“All of you have to drop this,” Jungeun said. “She’s done so much good for us and how she thinks of me does nothing for any of that.”</p><p>“Thinks?” Haseul repeated. “You mean she still does?”</p><p>“It’s not something you can just drop,” Jungeun snapped. “And me coming back covered in the blood of a mortal doesn’t really help, does it?” </p><p>“Did she say something about that? Did it look like she was disgusted by it?”</p><p>Jungeun could only remember the reassurances. </p><p>“She’s a lot better than at the start, I’ll give you that,” Sooyoung said. “But don’t forget that the same logic could be flipped around.”</p><p>A part of her recoiled at the words. “It isn’t the same. At all.” Revulsion crawled up her throat. She’d never thrown up when she got sick, but maybe this was new. </p><p>“But Yerim doesn’t have any of that, right?” Sooyoung asked. She’d come away from the bite in her voice. She was dropping it. For now. </p><p>Jungeun felt herself relax. She thought of Yerim’s reaction when she’d realised who Jinsoul was, even afterwards. It’d been conflicted, trying to reconcile what’d happened to her with the person she who was trying to help her. Jungeun had barely needed to tell Yerim much else. Jinsoul had managed to gain some of Yerim’s trust pretty well on her own. </p><p>“Not really,” she said. “But she’s heard a lot about how we live here, how we are. Most of it’s wrong, but it’ll take a while to see that.” </p><p>“If she stays that long,” Haseul added. She looked worried. “But where would she go?” </p><p>“To the Warsa, at least the ones she knows,” Jungeun replied. “But I don’t know how it’d be different from here. She still wouldn’t be at home.” </p><p>“Was it true?” Sooyoung asked. “Did they force her to go?” </p><p>“More or less,” Jungeun grimaced, “they were terrified of spirits coming.” </p><p>“Do you think she’ll ever go to visit them? Her parents?” </p><p>Her heart sank at the thought. Had Yerim’s parents let her go? </p><p>Then she felt cold. Did she still have hers? </p><p>“I don’t know,” Jungeun said. “But that’ll be something to think about in a few months, maybe years.” </p><p>They nodded. </p><p>“Do you want help?” Haseul asked. “Training? Or just telling her about who we are?” </p><p>“Not yet,” Jungeun smiled, “unless she comes to you.”</p><p>Sooyoung’s eyes fell. She knew how that worked, with both Chaewon and Hyejoo. </p><p>“We’ll keep Freya and the rest from meddling,” Haseul promised. “Buy you that time she needs to adjust.”</p><p>Sooyoung snorted then. “Some of them still think it’s easy to shift from day to night.” </p><p>“It is with the right drink,” Jungeun said. </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “They’ve never seen a full week of sunlight.” </p><p>Out of habit, Jungeun looked to see if anyone was listening. Neither Haseul nor Sooyoung really cared. </p><p>“Did Jinsoul give you the cream for the sun too?” Sooyoung raised a brow. “Or just tea for your little cold?” </p><p>Jungeun tossed a ball of moonlight at her head. “I don’t burn, you idiot.” </p><p>She grinned back at her. The ball hovered close to her nose. “Is it awkward having a third person around?” </p><p>Haseul laughed. </p><p>Jungeun wondered how quickly they’d dodge a burst of fire. </p><p>Sooyoung cackled. “Kidding, I know you two aren’t doing <em>anything</em> in there.” She gave her a look. “But I would’ve thought all that bite she had before would’ve gone somewhere else.” </p><p>Jungeun abandoned the blanket. </p><p>Sooyoung shrieked when Jungeun flipped her onto her back. Then she laughed. “Aren’t you supposed to <em>not</em> move around?” </p><p>She flicked her forehead once. Hard. </p><p>“Ow.” Sooyoung shut her eyes. “They say that’s not good for the thing inside the skull, the—what’d they call it?” </p><p>“Your brain,” Haseul said. “But yours might be small enough that it’ll survive.” </p><p>Jungeun went back to where she’d been sitting. Her face was warm. </p><p>Thankfully, they went back to talking about the current negotiations and other discussions. At first, Jungeun had been surprised that the two would even talk about any of it around her. Over time, she’d gotten used to it. She’d also realised that both Haseul and Sooyoung had agreed that Jungeun should know exactly what was going on. Even more surprising, they wanted her to weigh in on the different points. </p><p>This time it was something about how there’d been more spirits killing mortals. There weren’t many, but in the past years the number had been rising. Every now and then a mortal died with their eyes taken over completely by black. </p><p>“The fae’re paranoid,” Sooyoung explained. “Both kinds.” She shook her head. “Are we supposed to guard the towns now?” </p><p>“Renew the wards?” Haseul shrugged. “It’s been twenty years since the last ones.” </p><p>“And then the next one will be at another battlefield,” Jungeun said. “It won’t be something that’ll stop.” </p><p>“Then more hunts?” Sooyoung asked. “Or longer ones?”</p><p>“Longer ranges,” she replied. “Nothing’s happening immediately around us, because that’s where everyone goes.” She wrapped the blanket a little tighter around herself. </p><p>“I thought that too,” Haseul said. “But I don’t know how they’ll react to being even further away from home.” </p><p>“I can ask Jinsoul and Yerim. Maybe we’ll go first, or the four of you.” She nodded at Sooyoung. </p><p>She smiled. “Can’t wait to rub it in Teveril’s face.“</p><p>“I think he’d like that,” Haseul said under her breath. </p><p>Sooyoung just winked at her. “He can dream.” </p><p>Briefly, Jungeun thought of Jiwoo. She pushed the thought from her mind then. It was hard to tell what was going on with them. </p><p>And it also wasn’t anything she’d pry at. She’d asked in the beginning, only to see an expression on Jiwoo’s face that she never wanted to see again. It’d gone soon after, but it’d made it so very clear that the subject was off limits. </p><p>“But how are you?” Sooyoung asked then. “Other than being freezing again?” Despite the bit of humour, Jungeun could still see the undertones of concern there. </p><p>She debated dismissing it. </p><p>Then she saw the same question and concern in Haseul’s eyes. </p><p>“Fine,” she said. “But the last thing I got sent out for,” she sighed, “that I didn’t—they hadn’t—I hadn’t known—I thought I’d be able to help him.” She focused on the fire instead of the other two. </p><p>“Would it’ve changed anything if you’d known?” Haseul asked. She put her hand over Jungeun’s, prying the fingers out of the fist she’d made. </p><p>Jungeun just nodded. She wondered what that said about her. </p><p>“Then don’t blame yourself so much,” she said. </p><p>“And,” Sooyoung added, “they would’ve ended up having to do it, or they’d have sent for someone else.” </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Haseul raised a brow. “Do you actually mean that?” </p><p>Jungeun nodded again. </p><p>Sooyoung came to her other side and hugged her. “When you’re better, the three of you should just do the hunts. No other jobs.” She lightly patted her head. “Because you’re not going anywhere else, right?”</p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>Haseul pressed the lightest of kisses to her cheek. “But if you have to, then we’ll see what we can do.” </p><p>“Thanks,” Jungeun muttered as Sooyoung pulled away. “We’ll see.” </p><p>She left it open for them, but she’d already made up her mind. She wouldn’t be leaving, not until after they knew what Yerim was going to do. </p><p>_____</p><p>
  <em>Twenty-five</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jungeun,” her father went over to her, arms reaching out, “you don’t have to do this again. I won’t send—“ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That won’t matter,” she said, “they’ll send me anyway.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shook his head. “They won’t—“ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” Jungeun cut him off. “They will.” The reality sank into her heart. “Wasn’t I born for this?” she asked. “You’re going to give me a few years away, but then I’ll be sent in to hunt a vampire again, then a wolf. After that I’ll get another story of a rogue elf and have to go after them. Then you’ll give me another group and each time, I’ll have to be ready for the people who want me dead for what I did.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Daran’s arms fell to his sides. His normally calm expression had started to falter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun looked away. She didn’t need to see that. Not now. She could still see the rage in their eyes. She could still hear how they’d cursed her for what she’d done. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her ears still rang with the sounds of their screams. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t want to kill them,” Jungeun whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They’d kill you,” Daran said. “You can’t let that happen.” Pain had seeped into his voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun managed to ignore it. “There’s a lot who’d want that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And just as many who don’t.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She frowned. “And what happens in ten years? Twenty? A hundred?”she asked. Her voice was slowly rising to a shout. “This won’t stop. Whatever life you said I’m supposed to have, it’ll keep going. The number will rise and once there’s more people who want me dead than alive, then what?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ll keep going,” a new voice said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun nearly lashed out then, but she forced the anger down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry for what happened,” Diana said. She walked until she was at her father’s side. “But you knew it would. You knew what you were training for.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun looked away. Of course she had, but what she’d done—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your eyes are red,” she continued. “What does that mean?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll see blood spilled.” Jungeun had searched for others in the camp who’d had red eyes. She’d found no one. Not even the ones who’d fought the longest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You were born under the red moon.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun’s eyes were burning. When she blinked her vision grew clouded. She forced the tears down. They wouldn’t change anything. She’d only look more pathetic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What did that mean?” Diana asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She could still feel the wounds they’d given her. She could still see their faces. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She also remembered who they were avenging. It should have been a simple intervention, one where she’d keep them from reaching a group of fae. They hadn’t thought to be scared of her, so they’d attacked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jungeun,” she put a hand to her shoulder, “the red moon?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The blood,” Jungeun forced out, “I’ll be the reason for it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ll be a warrior,” Diana said. “And you’re strong enough to bear the weight of it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun bit back a protest. She wished she could’ve forced herself to say something. She’d wanted to fight. She’d wanted to run. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Though she knew he’d have been the last person to do so, she wished her father could’ve told Diana to tell her all this another day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’d longed to hear someone else to speak then. So many had been listening from the edges of the clearing. They could’ve denounced the moon and what it meant. She wished they’d told her she could stop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But take time away,” Diana smiled at her, “you’ve done all you’ve needed to for some years.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jungeun nodded once. Relief filled her almost instantly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re protecting us, fighting the battles we cannot,” Diana said. “We need you.” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This ended up being longer than I expected, but it covered a lot of what I'd wanted to get to. I definitely reiterated a few things that have more or less been discussed before about Jungeun's character, but I wanted to show it through the lens of 'ten years later' as well as how it'd be 'presented' to Yerim and seen by Haseul and Sooyoung. </p><p>I'm at the end of an extremely busy week. Next week will probably also be that way, but writing hasn't exactly slowed for me. I was very focused on this story, which is why I managed to get the update finished when I did. However, it might take a bit more time for the next one. </p><p>Do let me know what you think! Your comments always inspire me to keep writing and make better an already enjoyable experience. Even so, thank you all so much for reading, no matter if you comment or read along silently, it means the world to me that you're reading this story and enjoying it as well. </p><p>I hope you're all doing well. See you next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. When I surface</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>Note: the scene that begins with 'They lost' includes the aftermath of violence. There is a death of a very minor character, but if that is too much, then do skim over that part</em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on,” Jungeun was laughing, “just do it.” She leaned against the tree. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim shook her head. “You’ll hate it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably.” She smiled at her. “But you need to see how strong you have to make it.” Her eyes were sparkling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was taken aback by the look there. She’d seen that playful challenge before, but never with a tenderness like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We won’t be moving on until you do it,” Jinsoul muttered beside her. “If you’re lucky, you’ll only have to do this twice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Twice?” Yerim repeated, staring at her, before looking back to Jungeun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll see.” Jungeun winked. “Gimme the tree.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim was frowning. “I don’t want to hurt you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her gaze softened immediately. “The worst I’ll get is a splinter.” She met Jinsoul’s eyes. “And this one here’d probably still try and take care of that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul just nodded. “You won’t be getting out of this.” She squeezed Yerim’s arm. “She made me wrap her arms in ice once because she was testing how she’d handle the cold.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And it worked.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul fought a smile in response. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then the tree rippled, its trunk opening in the next moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was right in front of them then, brushing off some moss from her arm. “A bit faster?” She raised a brow at Yerim. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then branches wrapped around her waist, pulling her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun practically flipped, sharp cracks following as the branches were snapped off of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul glanced at Yerim, only to see that her brow was furrowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ground crumbled when Jungeun landed, enveloping her legs. Jungeun was smiling. Her hands dug into the still solid ground and she was out of the sinkhole, a few feet in front of them then. Her legs were covered in dirt and her arm had been scraped by a branch. Jinsoul saw how she was angling it away from Yerim. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That always works for me,” Yerim muttered. She didn’t look embarrassed, but more in shock and maybe a bit of awe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun brushed off her clothes. “It’s because I’m expecting it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim shook her head. “Even people who expected it didn’t do what you did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re also holding back on me.” She raised a brow. “You could’ve let me sink to my neck.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ground gave out below her then. She was at her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun’s eyes had widened. Then she burst out laughing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this a good sign?” Yerim whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Very,” Jinsoul chuckled, “she’s in a good mood.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Jungeun met her eyes, Jinsoul saw how what she’d said was actually true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The fire elf practically threw herself out of the ground then. She was covered in dirt then. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tree. Make it quick. I’m just dodging.” Jungeun went back to the tree. “I won’t break out of it this time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This time,” Yerim repeated, eyes narrowing. “You’ve got a new training idea?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” Jungeun tilted her head. “Don’t like it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tree practically exploded behind her, with the branches shooting out to wrap around Jungeun several times. The ground turned to soft mud as Jungeun began to evade. She slipped, only to be caught by the tree and dragged back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The next thing they saw was Jungeun’s grin, her face rimmed by bark, legs poking out at the bottom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perfect!” She whooped. “I didn’t know you could make it muddy too.” Her eyes were practically shining. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve never seen someone so happy to be in a tree.” Yerim went over, knocking gently on the wood. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me neither,” Jinsoul fought a laugh, “but I’m not surprised.” She walked over as well. “Can you give her a fringe of moss?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun raised an eyebrow at her. Then her forehead was covered in moss. She was still smiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Didn’t you say you’d break out?” Yerim asked. She was laughing, but seemed a little cautious still. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I could,” Jungeun pursed her lips, “but that’d either involve breaking this tree or burning it.” She shook her head, at least as much as the tree let her. “And it’s not that bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul put a hand to her forehead and peeled the moss away. She brushed away the residue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ever thought of doing this to Sooyoung?” Jungeun asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim seemed to pale at the thought. “The rest wouldn’t let me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul had to laugh at that. “They definitely would. And Sooyoung wouldn’t be all that mad. She’d just bribe you to do it to Chaewon.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was moving her chin, nudging away bits of bark around her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Comfortable?” Jinsoul asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun chuckled. “It’s actually warm in here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked to Yerim then. “Should we leave her here then?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A burst of warm air brushed past her then. “I’m not bad at breathing fire, but I’d rather not be fending off spirits as a tree.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul smiled. “Too bad, it suits you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tree gave way, Jungeun stumbling slightly. Yerim and Jinsoul caught her. They started to brush away the moss and bark clinging to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” Yerim was frowning at Jungeun’s arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry,” Jungeun squeezed her arm, “see me after I’ve sparred with Seul and you’ll know this isn’t anything bad.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim looked to Jinsoul then, confusion spreading across her features. “Is this supposed to be,” she trailed off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Normal?” Jinsoul brought some water from the nearest stream. “Sort of.” She let it coat Jungeun’s arms, cleaning them, as well as the base of her neck and chin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You make a single healing rune and I’ll say you’re hysterical.” Jungeun gave her a look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul cast the spell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hysterical,” she muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her good mood hadn’t faded at all. Jinsoul almost wondered if she’d missed something and Jungeun was forcing it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except she wasn’t. She was just happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s good you didn’t, but a good hit to the head would’ve made that perfect,” Jungeun said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim frowned. “So what, you’d have preferred it if I whacked a club to your head?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Jungeun laughed slightly, “but it’d have been more effective. Then I’m either dazed or knocked out, and you’d have no problem trapping me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim looked Jinsoul’s way again. “She’s crazy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun lightly elbowed her. “Not going to defend me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t if it’s true,” Jinsoul replied. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes you can.” She gave her a glare without any bite to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry,” Jinsoul turned back to Yerim, “by her standards, she isn’t crazy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A small flick to the back of her head. There was no strength behind it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul laughed slightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Either way,” Jungeun started walking a bit faster, leaving the two of them behind, “one of the next things we can start doing, is seeing how you could get moonlight into those branches. Then you’d be able to trap a spirit easy if you needed to handle a group of them.” She glanced back. “Sound okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim nodded. “You’re not making yourself the test subject, are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll try without one first,” she replied. “Then I’ll probably be it.” Her eyes slid to Jinsoul. “Unless?” She lifted a brow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m too slow, and not as motivated.” Jinsoul shook her head. She couldn’t help but smile as she did. Something had shifted in Jungeun. She wasn’t sure what that was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’d been weeks since the werewolf. Jungeun hadn’t left for a longer period of time. She’d just spent more of it training Yerim to summon the light. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim also wasn’t showing any signs that she’d be leaving. Jinsoul was still not sure yet, but she was starting to hope. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe Jungeun was too. Or maybe she could see better what Yerim was going to decide. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think this’s a good idea,” Jungeun said. “The runes I cast are weak.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It takes practice to make them stronger,” Jinsoul told her. “Whatever you do, it probably won’t hurt me.” And whatever it was going to be, her arm hurt more. A spirit had bitten it, turning a part of the skin grey. It’d also been the hand she’d gotten a nasty cut on before the spirits attacked. Her foot was also freezing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably,” she repeated. “We could get Nuala and one of the others. And didn’t you say your magic works fine? I mean, I’ll do it, but it’ll take longer than the others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jungeun,” she squeezed her arm, “it doesn’t matter if it takes a bit longer.” She looked around the forest. Yerim was jogging back, holding a small sack in one hand and a full waterskin in the other. “Still have some light?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim summoned another piece and gave it to Jungeun, who still looked like she was close to being sick. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you do it?” Yerim asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul shrugged. “I don’t really have a lot of light for it.” She nodded once at Jungeun. “And she’ll get a bit of training for it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun looked at her once, before rinsing the cut with water. They’d already gotten most of the dirt away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You told me you don’t heal,” Yerim said then. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul pinched her arm once. “You have. And you’re not bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t feel right,” Jungeun muttered. She put her hands on her foot and arm, right over where most of the shadows had come. Her skin glowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Slowly,” Jinsoul said. “Don’t take too much, and don’t give it too quickly.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun’s jaw tightened. She closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt an unfamiliar warmth then. It wasn’t the kind that normally came from Jungeun, the one that felt like it came from a fire. It also wasn’t what she’d grown used to with the light. This was almost in between that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then the spindles of darkness slowly rose up Jungeun’s wrists. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Next,” Jinsoul nodded at Yerim, “Nuala told me it could work even better with a type of stencil.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim summoned a thin stake and held it out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun opened her eyes and took it. The darkness was at her elbows now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Use a bit more light,” Jinsoul said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was glowing even more now, the light reaching her hair too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul forced herself to look at the stencil. “Draw it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun drew it. The darkness was fading from her arms, burned away by the light. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was the rush of healing magic. Jinsoul sighed as some of the cold faded. The sting to the cut also eased, but not much. Not yet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun drew another. Jinsoul watched as a muscle in her cheek twitched. Jungeun had told her it hurt, but whenever she did try to heal someone, she always used too much magic. Then she wouldn’t heal anyone for weeks, sometimes even months, before overdoing it again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was about to draw another, but Jinsoul grabbed her wrist. “Now absorb it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nuala said to do that too?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My light’ll get rid of anything that’s left,” Jinsoul replied. “This gets rid of more of what you took.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun gave her a look, but took in the light. She slowly let go of Jinsoul’s arm as well. Then she let out a sigh. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not red anymore,” Yerim said, smiling. “The spell worked fast.” She looked between Jinsoul and Jungeun, the briefest of questions there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul wondered why Jungeun had told Yerim she didn’t heal. Especially when she’d done it enough times to be relatively experienced with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Did she not want that to be an expectation? Or just something that wasn’t obvious?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun lifted a hand to the side of her head. She looked disappointed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were healing three things at once,” Jinsoul said. “Was it too much?” She almost lifted a hand to her temple. Maybe if she let light flow in that way, it’d soothe whatever pain was there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she shook her head, “it just hurts like the last time.” She grit her teeth. “Even when I pushed myself, I never felt something like that.” There was a familiar expression of shame. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think your magic’s fighting it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could feel Yerim looking her way. A part of her wondered if she should even be seeing this side of Jungeun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, Jungeun wasn’t really hiding her frustration. She’d tried to hide worse before, so she was probably fine with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun hadn’t replied either. Did she believe that?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My head hurt when I first started using magic,” Yerim said then. “What if this’s like that too?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not the first time I’m using it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You might not be using it enough,” Yerim replied. “Or you don’t want it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun looked up then, frowning slightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul almost expected her to avoid the question, but she didn’t say anything. She was waiting for Yerim to go on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I stopped being being able to control trees,” Yerim said. “It took me years to learn how to again.” Her gaze shuttered slightly. “That was after the first time I’d actually fought—killed anyone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun’s frown vanished. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul didn’t say anything. Yerim had avoided saying much about herself beyond what her magic could do. She’d managed to do it by asking them about the camp or their own lives. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I could still use the earth, because I hadn’t done anything with it. I could grow seeds too, help plants along, but when it came to shifting the bark, or anything like that, I got this ache in my head if I tried.” Yerim gave Jungeun another piece of light. “Hold that to your head, maybe it’ll do something?” She glanced Jinsoul’s way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could only nod, feeling a flicker of pride at how she was so ready to help, even if it was a small thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And when I actually managed to pull on a branch, it just got worse,” Yerim said. “Because I kept remembering what happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one said anything for a little bit. Jinsoul couldn’t help but think of what she’d seen then. Yerim hadn’t meant to do it, but she had. Seeing it had made it all the more worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not remembering anything while you heal,” Yerim said slowly. “Or are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun shook her head. She also looked torn between asking a question and not saying anything else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t think it’s right for you to use it, do you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was silent. Jinsoul could see her reflex of avoidance. She also watched it fade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it is,” Yerim said. “Just like the fire and the light, this’s something you can use.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I never said I couldn't." Jungeun's voice was quiet. She cleaned the cut again before wrapping a bandage around it. She stood up. “There’s a spirit coming our way. I’ll deal with it.” Then she was walking away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did I say something wrong?” she mouthed it, already looking worried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was already shaking her head. It was a far cry from what she’d been before. Jinsoul wondered if this was what it was like when Jungeun tried to keep herself together. She was open to the best parts of the day, but vulnerable to the harder ones. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once she was sure Jungeun was far enough away, Jinsoul let herself talk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing wrong,” Jinsoul said. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She looked hurt,” Yerim grimaced, “did I remind her of before?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She does that already,” she told her. <em>So did I</em>. “It could be the darkness, but it’s mostly just everything she doesn’t want to think about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But she does that anyway.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim shrugged. “You know better than I do, don’t you?” She lifted a brow. “The blame doesn’t stop. She just forgets about it, until she doesn’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t say anything to that. What could she? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I reminded her, didn’t I?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Jinsoul said. “Her head was already there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim looked down at the ground. “Should I have even said anything?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you’re right,” Jinsoul told her. “And it’s better that than her thinking she’s just,” she bit her lip, “not <em>meant</em> to use the magic.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim nodded once. She still looked guilty. She'd been here almost three months now. The three of them had grown closer, but there were still things Yerim didn't know yet. Some of those things she'd figure out, but others she'd have to hear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reached out and took her hand. Luckily, Yerim didn’t pull away. “You don’t have to avoid saying any of that. She knows what you mean. She knows you’re just trying to help.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that how you do it?” Yerim asked. “The way you two act, it always feels like you understand.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul’s face warmed, but with shame. “I didn’t at first. Not for a while.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bewilderment crossed her features. “What?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought I’d hate her,” Jinsoul said, looking to make sure Jungeun wasn’t there. “I’d healed people she’d hurt. I’d seen some of the bodies she’d left.” She let go of Yerim. “And she still helped me. Just like she did for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You both did,” Yerim said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Over ten years later.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Yerim was reaching out, taking both of her hands and squeezing them. “I think you feel worse about that than she does.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul could’ve told her that it was only because there were people who treated Jungeun worse than she had. She could’ve told her that Jungeun didn’t hold grudges and would never believe that Jinsoul had been wrong. Not even if it hurt her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Jungeun was jogging back. She reached them in a few seconds. Her eyes were a bright red and gold now. “The second came around, but we’re fine now.” She sat down, almost too quickly. “Everything okay?” A flicker of worry came over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All good,” Yerim said. “I was just telling Jinsoul here she should think about charging us for all the times she’s healed us.” She said it easily. Almost too easily, but she squeezed Jinsoul’s hands once, before letting go. Her smile was warm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun relaxed, meeting Jinsoul’s eyes once. “I offered, but all she’ll accept is a detour to the local craftsman or bookbinder.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not a library?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That too,” Jungeun replied. “But I’m not good at sneaking into places.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s terrible,” Jinsoul said. “Apparently, the solution to opening a locked door is melting the lock.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim raised a brow. “Aren’t you supposed to be the one who knows how to blend in the best?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Blend in,” Jungeun protested. “Not break into their homes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s hardly breaking in if they barely read their own texts.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Yerim straightened. “So <em>that’s</em> where Hyunjin’s going?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She asked me if my magic worked on human constructs.” She frowned slightly. “And of course it does.” The frown deepened. “She asked me if I’d come with her next week. Some kind of trip. Three day’s walk? I think it was Hyejoo going with her?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul smiled. “And you think she’ll be borrowing some books?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borrowing?” Yerim scoffed. “She told me not to tell Heejin. That definitely means we’re taking something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll go?” Jungeun asked. Jinsoul knew she was hopeful, but it wasn’t showing in her voice yet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so,” Yerim shrugged, “just as long as you two tell me I’m not committing some terrible deed that’ll be hurting these mortals.” She paused. “And that Hyunjin’s not going to end up ruining some guard’s job or anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She usually doesn’t,” Jinsoul said. “Ever since Hyejoo learned how to change their logs, they’ve made sure no one misses anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So forgery,” Yerim said. “And theft.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’d say it’s fun,” Jungeun shrugged, rolling her eyes slightly, “and if the lord or his family aren’t all that terrible, you’ll be leaving a bit of gold or something anyway for compensation.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You two’re just accepting this?” Yerim frowned at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re usually the ones who start a needless fight, or lift the taxes,” she explained. “Hyunjin thinks it’s fun. Hyejoo says it’s worth it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And why isn’t Chaewon with them?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s covering for them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim laughed. She pulled at the earth below her. It formed a small model of a house. “Would we count as rich, or very, very poor to them?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Technically without any property, or anything close to citizenship,” Jungeun replied. “Hyunjin thinks that gets us out of their laws, also the fact that we don’t technically exist.” She made a face. “And she let them put her in a rock cell before. She broke out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And how do you two know so much about that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I went once,” Jungeun said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I went a few times,” Jinsoul added. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim hummed once. “So I probably shouldn’t tell Heejin or Haseul how much you’re encouraging stealing, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope,” Jinsoul said. “We’re both technically innocent.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Technically,” Yerim repeated. Her eyes glittered. “So technically, I’m not going with them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul felt her heart soar.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun’s expression lit up completely then. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t huge, but it was something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yerim’s smile grew. “Should I bring anything back?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Took on the first bigger group tonight,” Jungeun sat down by the fire, “one spirit grazed her leg, but she managed fine.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jiwoo handed her a bowl. “And now?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She wanted to try again,” she said. “Jinsoul needed to get something from Yeri, and they sent me back here.” Four months in and the two were getting along better with each day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you listened?” Hyejoo raised a brow. “They didn’t have to threaten you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“First, it’s a spirit. They don’t need me there,” Jungeun smiled slightly, “second, how do you think either of them would threaten me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yerim could dangle you upside-down,” Sooyoung said. “And Jinsoul could bring a fish.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She showed me what they actually look like alive,” Jungeun scowled at her, “they’re tiny.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you’re still terrified of them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You try getting surrounded by a swarm of them,” she muttered, “and then tell me that’s not scary.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Next time you do a trip to the sea, I’ll come with.” Sooyoung grinned. “Unless I’ll be interrupting something?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yerim’s there,” Chaewon smacked her arm, “they don’t do that around her.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t <em>do</em> anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then why did she ask me what the deal was with you two?” Hyejoo asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun frowned. “And what did you tell her?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That I had no idea,” she smirked at her, “or should I’ve cleared something up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun wished she could retaliate, but it wasn’t possible with all <em>four</em> of them here. Two of them kept passing by each other, either because of time, or some other relationship they were chasing, while the other two seemed content with the line just at the edge of friendship. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re all impossible,” Jungeun said instead. “There’s nothing to clear up or interrupt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And why not?” Jiwoo lifted a brow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun frowned. “It’s not happening.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They looked like each of them wanted to say something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It isn’t.” Jungeun started to eat her food. She hoped that’d be enough to drop it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Surprisingly, it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was the sound of a splash in the air. A small slip of paper appeared, droplets of water falling into her lap. Jinsoul took it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew the rest were watching her, but it didn’t matter. This was from her people. They’d never sent her anything before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she read the words, cold washed over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it?” Jungeun asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I need to go,” Jinsoul pushed herself to her feet, “they need my help.” She practically ran to their tent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She heard Jungeun following. She almost told her to stay where she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul immediately started to pack her things. She didn’t know how long they’d be there. She needed water too. She’d get that along the way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun's voice reached her ears then. “Should I ask Yeri to prepare something? She’d have it ready by the time you get there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul looked back, frowning. “How do you know I’d need something?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’d need you if someone was hurt,” Jungeun was already writing something down on a piece of paper, “what do you think you’d need?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul told her which ointments they needed, as well as binding materials and some potions. They'd have a few more things to do for her, but that wouldn't matter. They also wanted to spend more time helping Yeri. The necromancy her family had engaged with was going to be forgiven in the next years, at least once there was new leadership. Then Yeri could finally join a proper coven.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun muttered something, before she enveloped the paper in flames. “Who’s attacking them?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Crosa, south-west,” Jinsoul replied as she kept packing. “They might already be finished by the time I get there.” She nearly tore the bag when she tried to close it. Her hands were shaking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The air warmed slightly when Jungeun came to her side.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me,” Jungeun took the bag from her, pulling the strings at the top, “do you want someone to come with you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They don’t trust the Astra enough to have them there,” she said. She thought of when she’d come to Yerim’s people. “And they wouldn’t want them there after either.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And me?” Jungeun gave her the bag. “I could stay behind once you get there. Unless that’s too big of a risk.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What was a risk was Jinsoul going off alone, barely able to conceal her worry. Spirits would come and she’d expend too much of her light before she even got there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When we get to Yeri, she’ll tell us if someone’s following you or not.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun went back to the table and wrote another note, before sending it off in flash of fire. Then she packed a few things, before slinging the bag over her shoulder. She didn’t pick up any of her other weapons, save for a dagger she strapped to her ankle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul wondered if that was because she didn’t intend to fight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then they were leaving. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The entire journey was spent in relative silence. Jungeun asked her what she knew about the group of Crosa, but left it at that. They just ran through the forest, going in the direction Yeri had pointed them in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’d come across some spirits, but they’d not been hard to turn. Having Jungeun with her hadn’t slowed them down. She was grateful that she’d come with, even if she didn’t want to voice her worries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was also thankful that Yerim was off with Hyunjin and Hyejoo. She was almost certain the girl would’ve come with them, but to help the people who’d once attacked hers, even if it’d been years ago, wasn’t something Jinsoul wanted Yerim to ever have to do. Even if it was her own family. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Someone called her name then. It was Hyewon. Her sides were coated with red, but it wasn’t hers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not finished,” she said, leading them off to the side. “But we need you.” Her eyes flicked over Jungeun. “Can she help too?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul nearly said something, but she broke off when Jungeun nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll do what I can.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’d lost. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was all Jinsoul could think of when she took in the injured. Her feet carried her to where the worst injuries were. A punctured lung, a slit throat, a stab to the stomach—it was all what she could heal. It needed more than just her water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She used light sparingly, but enough to have an effect. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She made countless runes for each, enough to stop the blood flow. Then she had someone else put pressure on the wound before she went to the next person. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her mother was among the injured, but nothing was life-threatening. Jinsoul saw Jungeun working to straighten her arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Sehun brought another elf to her. Her head was at an angle that didn’t look right, but there was a gaping wound in her chest that was more dangerous. She was young. Very young. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul immediately drew water from the large basin. She cleaned what she could around the wound. There was water in the wound, so she drew it out. The injury had been caused by ice. Some of the blood was frozen. Jinsoul unfroze it, warming it enough so it wouldn’t shock her body completely. She didn’t know how far it went.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The girl didn’t make a sound, other than a low groan. She was delirious. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul summoned a thin sheet of light and laid it over the wound. She drew several runes, one after the other. She poured a potion into the girl’s mouth, urging her to swallow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes kept falling shut. Her breaths were quick, barely bringing any air in. When she coughed, something dribbled from her chin. Her heart was slowing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul cast more runes. It stung, but she had enough magic left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She drew on the water, wrapping it around most of the girl’s body. She cast the next spells, feeling how the magic drew on her more, tightening its hold. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul couldn’t hear if she was breathing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The bleeding had stopped, but the wounds weren’t even starting to seal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Jinsoul heard her heart still. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her hands over the girl’s chest and began to press. Even with the wound, she needed to keep the heart beating. She drew more water and wrapped it around her neck, warming it so that there might be more blood flow there. She summoned the light to draw the next healing rune. She felt the magic flood her body. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her heart didn’t continue to beat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t possible. It shouldn’t have been. The wound was something she’d healed hundreds of times over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jinsoul,” it was her mother, “she’s gone. Others need your help.” She pulled her up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul felt numb as she healed the next person. It was another blow to the abdomen. She healed it quickly. Too quickly. Their heart beat fast too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The one that followed had also been struck in the chest. She’d been able to heal it. He’d live. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It blurred together, marked only by the deep pain starting to bury itself into her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood, only to stumble, narrowly avoiding someone who steadied her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s finished,” Eunbi said, sending her a weak smile. “The rest of the wounds aren’t life-threatening.” She took her shoulders and pushed her in one direction. “Go rest.” She waved someone over. “Take her to the river.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was there then. Her eyes were a dim red. Her hands were smeared with blood, but Jinsoul knew this hadn’t been from fighting. Not this time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul spotted the rest around them. There were five bodies, but the others were alive. She saw the form of the girl. Motionless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She turned away, focusing on the pull of the river. She started walking. Each step felt difficult. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun said nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul could still hear the sounds of pain behind her. She’d given Hyewon draughts for the pain, but there were too many who’d been wounded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She braced herself for when she’d hear the sounds of grief as well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An hour later, they reached the river. Jinsoul immediately knelt beside it, letting the water rise to clean her hands. She’d done it between each person, but this was still from the last. There was also the blood of others along her wrists, on her clothes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She saw the girl again, heard how she’d tried to keep breathing, but it’d only come in shallow gasps. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was a small way’s away, also rinsing off her hands. Her brow was furrowed. She kept wincing, but when she glanced Jinsoul's way, all of that vanished. She looked like she wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Jungeun stood, the water still dripping from her arms. “Should I go?” She wasn’t turning around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just at the sound of her voice, of the hesitance there, Jinsoul felt a surge of anger that she barely managed to push away. “Yes,” she said sharply. She wished she didn’t sound like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun needed to leave before Jinsoul said something hurtful. She didn’t know how to tell her that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun nodded once, taking a step back. “Should I tell someone where you are?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Another nod. Her eyes were slowly showing the worry in them, but she wasn't walking away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you want to say something, say it,” Jinsoul snapped. “Then go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She was going to die anyway,” Jungeun said slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul frowned. “You don’t know that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head. “You don’t. <em>I</em> know how to save them. I’ve done it before. I—this wasn’t that bad. She could’ve lived, I know she could have.” There it was. She was saying too much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There was a blow to the head, so that was already making its way through,” Jungeun said. “Her neck was twisted, but not broken, and whatever got her went through parts of the heart and the lungs.” Her hands were clasped behind her back. “With everything else, she wasn’t going to live longer than a few minutes. The only good thing was that she didn’t feel most of it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul had seen the injuries. She’d seen how the blood had seeped into the girl’s eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All of that can be healed,” Jinsoul said. “I've healed all of it before.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But together,” Jungeun shook her head, “it happens too fast.” Her jaw tightened. “This wasn’t your fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course it was.” She felt the tears come. She forced them away, letting them fall to the ground. “If they’re alive before they get to me, I can save them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jinsoul, they made sure you wouldn’t have been able to.” Shame flickered in her eyes, but it disappeared. “You can’t always save them, because whoever attacked her, knew what to do to make sure that any healing magic wouldn’t help.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So they targeted her,” Jinsoul said. She remembered where Jungeun’s flames had gone before. “Is that how you did it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun winced. She knew exactly how this worked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All of her anger drained away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul felt something break. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She stood immediately. “I should’ve never—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun walked back over to her. “It’s okay,” she said. “That’s what I did. I still do.” Her eyes fell to the ground. “That’s how we’re trained. That’s why I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul shook her head. Jungeun had come with her to help her. “You’ve healed people—you did that today.” She grit her teeth. “And you tried to heal someone you lost as well.” She hated that she’d ignored that. She hated that she’d attacked her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun gently took her hand. Her skin was warm. “Come here.” It sounded like it was just about to become a question. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul let herself be pulled into Jungeun’s side. She was as warm as a fire. She felt all the comfort she felt when sitting beside one on a cold night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t blame yourself for this,” Jungeun said. “Regretting it is one thing, but saying it’s your fault isn’t true.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t say anything to that. A part of her knew Jungeun was right. She’d had to learn that so many times—that it wasn’t always her fault. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That never made it feel any better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you want to do now?” Jungeun asked. “Go with them? Go back ho—the Astra, or the sea, but not with them?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul looked up at her. “What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The coast goes on for a long time,” she replied. “You could be a league or so away from there and just stay there for a bit.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That feels like I’m avoiding something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun shrugged. “Or you don’t,” she said. “Lanah told me that you don’t need to go home. She’ll—well, she’ll handle everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul sighed. Her mother always did that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to decide now.” Jungeun patted her shoulder. “We’ve got time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was well aware that they’d rarely been this close. The closest might’ve been when Jungeun had first gone into the ocean. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except now it wasn’t because one of them was afraid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your head?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My head?” Jungeun repeated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it hurting from earlier?” Jinsoul asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not much, it—” She stopped talking when Jinsoul lifted her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pressed her fingers lightly to Jungeun’s temple. She let some light seep in that way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was the slightest of aches in her chest, but she ignored it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was looking at her, the light in her eyes brightening a bit. She looked confused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then she sighed slightly, leaning in to her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better?” Jinsoul asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Much.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then what was that about it not hurting much?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun smiled. “It was already starting to feel better.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul pulled her hand away. Her fingers still felt warm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She realised then that the pain she’d gotten from the healing earlier had also dulled. She wondered how long they’d been here. The water usually helped when she’d used too much magic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul nodded once. “I think that’s enough healing for the both of us tonight.” She slowly let her head sink onto Jungeun’s shoulder, wondering if that was alright. "We'll go back to the sea. I still need to know more about what happened. There'll also be other injuries they missed in the retreat." Nothing pressing, but nothing pleasant either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"But not yet?"</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"Not yet," Jinsoul said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Jungeun pulled her a bit closer. The warmth of her magic enveloped her, not too much as being by a fire sometimes did. It was just comfortable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither of them said anything else. The river filled the silence, along with the distant brushes of wind that slid through the trees. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They didn’t doze off, but Jinsoul heard how Jungeun’s heart slowed to a calm rhythm. She hadn’t realised it’d been quicker before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll stay up here,” Jungeun gave her a small smile, “tell people not to look for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul raised a brow. “I might be long.” Her mother had already broken the news to the families, but she'd still seen the family of that girl. They hadn't turned her way. Her father had thanked her for trying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her heart still felt like a stone. All she wanted was to sink beneath the waves, at least for a little while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll wait,” Jungeun said. “It’s nice here.” She smiled out at the sea, no hesitation in her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay,” Jinsoul nodded, “but if you go back to bed, I won’t blame you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her smile grew. “I know.” She leaned back, resting her elbows on the sand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The moonlight framed her, almost perfectly. Jungeun’s hair turned a pale gold with only the natural light around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun looked up at her. “Something on your mind?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul blinked once, before looking away. “Just thinking about where I’ll go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The deep cities?” Jungeun suggested. “You did say you always feel at ease there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shrugged. “I’ll make my way down.” She went over to the water. The tide enveloped her feet. “And Jungeun?” She looked back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm?” Jungeun sat up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” she said. “For coming with me.” <em>And everything else</em>. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The smile that got her was warm. “Of course.” Her gaze softened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul felt an odd lightness in her chest then. It almost tickled. “I’ll see you when I surface.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">______</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun couldn’t say she loved the sea, but she loved to sit by it. The sounds filled her ears, giving her a calm she wasn’t used to. It let her think of how hauntingly endless the sea was, but also how peaceful it could be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The moon was half full tonight. It illuminated a path along the water. Jungeun could almost imagine walking across it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could <em>see</em> Jinsoul walking across it. She saw how the moon would turn her hair a silvery-white and how her eyes would light up, glowing a beautiful blue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun let herself watch the sea. She let herself wonder where Jinsoul was going. She hoped the time in the sea was helpful. It wouldn’t heal anything, but it’d make it all less severe. Hopefully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An hour might've passed, or it could've been three. It was one of those nights where she could just let time wash over her. Her mind was relatively free of thought too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then the ocean rippled. Jinsoul appeared about a hundred metres away. The top of her head reflected the moonlight as she swam across, smaller ripples moving away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun could only watch as Jinsoul rose slightly in the water, gracefully shifting to stand on the shallow waters, before walking over across them. She was glowing slightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun smiled. It was like what she’d thought of, only water dripped from Jinsoul's hair and she was smiling. It wasn’t a grin, but it was something halfway there. It was better than what she’d seen before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Jinsoul came over to her. “You stayed." A pause. "Or you timed it so that you’d be here when I came back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Either way, I’m here,” Jungeun chuckled, “how was it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” She sat down beside her. The water on her skin was flowing into a small ball in front of them. “I saw my first spirit in the shape of a tuna.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun had to smile. “Any others?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The usual, an eel and a shark pair. I turned them.” She sighed slightly, leaning back on the sand. “Haven’t seen a whale spirit yet.” Then she looked over and smiled. “Don’t like the idea of that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A bright one sounds good,” Jungeun said. “But if I had to fight one—“ She shuddered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They don’t move that quickly,” Jinsoul said. “And their heart is pretty big. Not something you’d miss easily.” There was a small frown. The thought of hurting a whale, even if it was a spirit, didn't seem to sit well with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun shook her head. “They move fast. You’re just faster.” Then she added, “in the water at least.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul gave her a look. “I’m fast on land too.” When Jungeun didn’t reply, she poked her side. “We both have heightened speed. You can’t say you’re faster than I am.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I am.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul pushed herself to her feet. “Prove it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun grinned. “Haven’t I already?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You react faster. Doesn’t mean you move quicker too.” She nodded to the beach, where a column of water slowly bent over the shore. “We’re running to that arch. Don’t cheat.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m too old to cheat,” Jungeun replied. “And I won’t need it.” She took a step to the side. “You’ll do the count?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun kicked off. Her feet sank into the sand, but she knew how to angle it so that she didn’t fall.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul wasn’t too far behind, but she was struggling with the sand. Not much, but enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She passed the arch, Jinsoul following a few seconds after. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was that about—“ She broke off when Jinsoul tackled her. It wasn’t really a tackle, but she threw her to the ground, almost gently. It was still so unexpected. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you train on sand too?” Jinsoul was kneeling over her, eyes narrowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I say yes, are you gonna throw me in the water?” Jungeun lifted her hands to defend herself. It didn’t terrify her to unexpectedly be put in the water, but she still hated the brief moments of being submerged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was tempted.” Jinsoul’s foot dug lightly into her side. “But I’m worried you’ll end up wanting to train for that too.” She narrowed her eyes. “Which isn’t happening. Yet.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yet?” she repeated, sitting up. “You’re saying you would?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul raised a brow. “You sound hopeful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Getting my head dunked or being caught in a wave can only work if I trust you.” Even saying it, Jungeun felt a small flicker of panic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul seemed to catch it. “Patience too,” she said. “And I wouldn’t do any of those things just because you want to know how to fight it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would you then?” Jungeun wasn't sure what to make of the lightheartedness they had now. She’d almost expected Jinsoul to stop talking to her after today. She wondered if it’d actually sunk in what Jungeun had told her before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just to get you to see the ocean even better than you already do.” A smile started to appear. “I want you to really like being here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Jinsoul nudged her shoulder, “but that doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes look at it like it’ll bite you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun laughed slightly. It was true, but she’d meant what she’d said. The ocean was daunting and she didn’t really think it’d become any less so for a long time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was it part of your training, or did you choose to go to the south?” Jinsoul was looking out at the water. She looked completely at ease. There was still a hint of the smile from before. Her eyes were bright, both dark and light blue held within them. It looked like the colours were flowing around each other, like slow-moving currents. It was almost hypnotising to watch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one wanted me to go there,” Jungeun replied, thinking back to the time on the ice and snow. “It drains any magic to do with heat. Lightning less than fire.” She remembered the incredulous looks when she’d first suggested it. “My mother helped me sneak out the first time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sneak out?” Jinsoul turned to her, frowning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>Oops. </em>“They just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t try it.” She shrugged. “But I did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did,” Jinsoul said. Her eyebrows were starting to arch upwards, the disbelief growing. She already didn’t believe her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was Jungeun that easy to read? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul then looked away. She wasn’t going to push it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun decided then she’d just tell her. “They didn’t want me going away,” she said. “Not to the mortal world, or really anywhere else.” She chuckled. “They were a little paranoid. With good reason.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you thought they were hysterical.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun smiled. “Maybe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul rolled her eyes. “They might’ve had a point.” Then her gaze softened slightly. “But Thea let you go?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She knew I’d go anyway,” she explained. “And that actually ended up being the reason why I survived.” She looked to the sand then, tracing a few Korean letters in it. “You saw a bit of what went wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun didn’t feel embarrassed to say the truth. She’d gotten what she’d wanted and seen where her limits were. She’d done exactly what she hadn’t wanted to and fought someone, but she’d survived. Thanks to them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My father knew where I’d gone pretty quickly, then my mother’d told him where exactly I’d gone, so there was a search party out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And when did they reach you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“During a snow storm,” Jungeun replied. “I’d gone on alright without it, but when it came, that might’ve been the coldest I’d ever been—falling into a frozen lake included—but they got to me at the right time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good timing,” Jinsoul said slowly. Her brow was furrowed. “How close were they behind you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They followed me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Jinsoul turned to face her completely. “For how long?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably before I got to the ice cap,” Jungeun said. “They knew soon enough where I was going.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But what about the person who attacked you? Did they come and help you?” Her voice sounded oddly strained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was Jungeun’s turn to frown. Then she remembered that Jinsoul wouldn’t know that. Was she supposed to tell her that? How would that even sound? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was still looking at her. There was concern there too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I,” Jungeun started. It sounded worse the more she thought it over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You wouldn’t have let them?” Jinsoul asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun shook her head. “Would you? If someone had come after you, and only you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun didn’t want to have another silence like this. They’d become a lot rarer over the years, but they always came when something like this came up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But if you told me not to step in, I’m not sure if I would’ve listened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun laughed. “You didn’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was quiet for a moment. Then she shook her head. “I just watched.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You helped her too,” Jungeun said. “Made sure Chaewon didn’t sink another arrow in too.” She shrugged, torn between shaking her head and laughing. “The others don’t really listen either when I tell them to stay out of it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which is a good thing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun almost said that wasn’t true. She stopped herself easily enough. In a lot of ways, maybe it was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d seen that with Haseul too, who’d made a few of her own enemies. She hadn’t wanted to let her go off alone, neither had Sooyoung. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except Haseul had done the same as Jungeun and told them not to act like her guards. They’d both ignored her. It’d been the right thing, because those enemies had sent a group after her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you agreeing with me?” Jinsoul asked, tilting her head. “Or just staying quiet so we’ll move on?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Both.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She bumped her shoulder. “Glad you’re seeing a little sense.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The silence that came then was so much more comfortable. Jungeun was almost relieved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except Jinsoul was getting ready to say something else. There was always a miniature frown when she was thinking it through, an edge of hesitation while she debated on whether or not to say it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun braced herself for what would come next. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry for what I said.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun turned her way. “Jinsoul, I—“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say it’s fine,” Jinsoul said. “You always do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>Because I mean it</em>, she wanted to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You came with me here,” Jinsoul continued. “You didn’t have to, and I’m not sure if you even wanted to, because <em>I</em> didn’t even want to go.” She was looking at the ocean again. “You didn't want to use healing magic, but you did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It would’ve been awful if I hadn’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“True,” Jinsoul cracked a small smile, “but you didn’t have to help as many as you did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t,” Jungeun said. She was about to add something when Jinsoul lifted a hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I spoke to some,” Jinsoul told her. “They said you healed about fifteen people.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took some time for the words to sink in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might’ve got twenty, but you weren’t all that bad.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Twenty?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul’s smile grew a bit. “Ten, actually.” There was a flicker of something, but it went away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun debated what she was supposed to do, or say, next. She urged herself to decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul’s eyes went to hers when Jungeun took her hand. She didn’t pull away. ”It wasn’t the first time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t mean it’s any different.” Jungeun hated that she could say that and mean it. She hated that it wasn’t for the same reason. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except Jinsoul was still looking at her, eyes not hiding much. They weren’t filling with uncertainty, suspicion, or anger. There was something else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun didn’t want to look away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I kept wanting to heal the mortals. I learned from some how the mortal healers, but all it ever showed me was how fragile mortality is.” She shook her head. “But over the years I saw just how vulnerable our own eternities are.” She took a deep breath. She was quiet for a few seconds. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun waited. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s why I wanted to stop,” Jinsoul said then. “Why I didn’t want to keep going.” She sighed. “Because it hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun carefully took her other hand. She waited for Jinsoul to stiffen, or pull away. She didn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You told me the Astra don’t force us into anything.” She paused, frowning for a second before her brow smoothed over again. “Is it the same for healers?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun nodded. Even if Haseul and Sooyoung would always have the future of being elder hanging over their heads, they could do more than that. Jungeun liked to believe she could do more. She actually did for some of the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d seen how Jinsoul worked. Today had shown that more than anything else. Her focus was practically unbreakable. Even after what’d happened, she’d went on to the next without slowing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good,” Jinsoul smiled ever so slightly, “because I want to keep things the way they are.” She looked between their hands and Jungeun. “And if I’m not wrong, I think Yerim might really be considering staying.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun thought of when she’d seen those three planning their trip to the mortal towns. Yerim had been listening intently, eyes wide and open. It’d been one of the first times she hadn’t eaten with Jinsoul and Jungeun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think she’s staying.” Jungeun had to smile. “And if things stay the way they are?” She didn’t imagine the lightness in her chest at the thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then it’s the three of us,” Jinsoul said. “She’ll come with us when we go to our homes before. If the time comes, and she’s ready, then we go to hers.” Her eyes saddened for a moment, before lighting up again. “We’ll keep doing what we are, but we can do more too. You know, explore a bit, because there’s always spirit sightings in different parts of the world.” Then she looked a bit hesitant. “Sound good?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded once. Twice. “I love it,” she said. “There’s a lot of places I know we can stay in between. They’re either friendly to Astra or open to me coming to stay.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul’s eyes were almost sparkling now. “Then that’ll be the plan?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun squeezed her hands once. She almost didn’t want to, but she let go. “Definitely.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt as if a weight had been lifted from the night. Jungeun didn’t know if it was just the way the night had gone, or just the way it was when it was the two of them like this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was looking tired again. Drained.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should we go back?” Jungeun asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head, laying down. “Unless you want to?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not tired.” Jungeun put her hand on the sand and warmed it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul hummed lightly. “That’s nice.” She turned on her side. “You don’t have to stay. I’ve been pulled in by the tide before, so I’m used to that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll stay,” Jungeun said. “Just have to get something.” She quickly got up and went to where they’d started the short race. She got the bag and went back. “Want one?” She held up a blanket. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul peered up at her. “Maybe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She chuckled and threw it over her. She sat down and straightened it a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One of Jinsoul’s eyes had closed. “You’ve got one for you too, don’t you? The wind might come at one point.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun nodded, pulling it from the pack. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed her eyes. “Good night.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sleep well.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Another small hum. Then, in what seemed like seconds, her breathing slowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun was almost amazed at how quickly she fell asleep. It made sense with all the tension of the day, with the amount of magic she’d used. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun wondered if the lightness that’d settled over her chest was normal. It wasn’t the first time she’d felt it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked away and towards the ocean. It held a world she’d only caught glimpses of. A part of her was still content without seeing any of it. The other wanted to know about everything that was there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul shifted on her side again, mumbling something intelligible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun turned her attention back to the sea. The tide near to them rose a bit higher. Was that how Jinsoul had been pulled into the sea before? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And was Jungeun supposed to wake her if that happened?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Time flew by beside the ocean. Jungeun was both surprised and happy with how the hours passed by easily. Her thoughts were simple, going from the routes they could take around the world to what she’d be willing to see in the ocean. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They settled on the person beside her again. Would she become a healer now? Even if Jinsoul had once wanted to stop before, she’d never really stopped healing. She’d stepped in when she could. It made a lot of patrols so much less daunting, because the risk of having to walk all the way back to camp, kept together by some sort of makeshift piece of moonlight and poorly drawn runes, was gone. Despite what they’d thought in the beginning, Sooyoung and the others had come to respect Jinsoul because of how ready Jinsoul had been to help, regardless of whether or not that was healing or joining in the fight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that would be how it stayed. Unless Jinsoul wanted to actually stop fighting. She’d never said much more about that, but she’d usually not needed to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, she’d had the chance to stop in the past years. Haseul, Sooyoung, and Jungeun had all tried to make it clear that she could stop, but she hadn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun pushed the thoughts from her mind. Whatever happened was out of her control. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>Then it’s the three of us. </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun smiled just thinking of the words. She couldn’t help but think of what that would be like. There were so many places she knew they’d like. From the large forests in the east across the ocean, to even the southern and northernmost parts of the world. She couldn’t wait to see what they thought of those places. She wondered what they would think of the desert. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The sun was rising. Jungeun’s breath caught in her throat as she saw how the sky slowly went from an inky black to a blue that almost matched Jinsoul’s eyes. The moon was still in the sky, but it was hovering above the sea, as if waiting to sink down below its surface. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at the horizon, wondering how far away she was seeing it. They said the world was round, so was she seeing one of the many edges of the world in the distance? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The sounds of the water still filled the silence. The ocean had rushed in and out of her ears, despite its flow being constant. Before, she’d never been able to drown it out when she was awake. It’d been hard to fall asleep. Usually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re still awake?” A sleep-ridden voice broke her from her thoughts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun looked down. She had to smile in the next moment. “Morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was squinting against the sunlight, brow deeply furrowed. She slowly pushed herself up. Her shoulders were drooped and her head bowed as she yawned. “Good morning,” she mumbled. She slowly straightened, but then pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. Then she laughed softly. “Are we always going to be in the middle of saying that and goodnight?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Jinsoul nodded slightly, as if she’d just thought of something. “If poor sleep is bad for us, I don’t know what the effects of an inconstant sleep cycle are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re immortal.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The words seemed to wake her up a bit more. “That doesn’t mean we won’t be affected by it.” She narrowed her eyes. “You get a cold every year.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun laughed. “Alright, then it’s not healthy, but would you rather stay nocturnal around your family?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was quiet for a few seconds. She looked like she was actually thinking it through. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was going to say we’d just take the potions, but that’s also unhealthy.” She frowned, slowly blinking as she looked at the ground. “Did you have to ask me a good question <em>now</em>?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You started it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul sent her what seemed to be a glare. It was softened by the sleep that still hadn’t left her eyes. “You’re immortal, remember?” She leaned her full weight into Jungeun’s side, as if to push her over. “Act like it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t start with that,” Jungeun pushed back a bit, “I’d have plenty of things I could raise with you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If that includes sea slugs, I might really just drag you down to meet them. Or throw you in.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t the slugs,” Jungeun replied. “I was thinking more about those contraptions you seem to adore.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re interesting.” She lifted a brow at her. “Don’t start mocking me for it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t!” Jungeun protested. “It’s a way to stay young. Sort of.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The corner of Jinsoul’s mouth tilted up. “We’re also eternally young, by other definitions.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m still younger than you are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not much.” Jinsoul lightly shoved her. “And like you said, we don’t start with that. The flow of time is nothing you or I know enough about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” Jungeun laughed, “hungry enough for breakfast?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not yet.” She looked her way. “Are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll be alright for a few more hours.” She nodded at the sky. “The nocturnal time’s also turned into being hungry during the night.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul lifted a brow. “Let’s start going back.” She grabbed her arm and got up, pulling her with her. Jungeun must’ve looked confused, because Jinsoul just shrugged. “The moment you smell breakfast, you’ll get hungry. So will I.” She let go of her to start rolling up the blanket. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure you’re not just hungry?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul shook her head. “I just know you are.” She smiled at her once, before she started to walk back across the beach, a bit closer to the edge of the tide. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun followed. The water enveloped her feet when the tide came. She felt a small flicker of panic, but reminded herself that it was extremely shallow where they were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think?” Jinsoul looked back, a question starting to form in her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked out at the ocean. It was different when she was standing so close to it. “It’s still scary,” she admitted. “But it really is beautiful.” She smiled slightly. “The more I’m here, the more I see why I,” she trailed off. She wasn't sure if she wanted to finish that sentence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So it’s getting better?” Jinsoul asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun looked from the horizon to her. The sight that greeted her almost made her think she’d dozed off on the beach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The rising sun bathed Jinsoul in a pale yellow glow. It wasn’t like cool like the light, but warm. She still looked completely relaxed as she walked along the shore. There was the lightest of smiles on her face, along with a growing hope. Was that because of what Jungeun had said?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is,” Jungeun nodded. “I’m really seeing why,” the words were hard to find, “well, why you love it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul’s smile brightened. It reminded her of the sunrise. Her voice felt weighed down in her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” Jinsoul slowed slightly. “You do?” Her eyes were sparkling in the sunlight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun could only nod. She couldn’t speak. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was grinning. “I’ve been waiting to hear that,” she said, chuckling softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun found her voice again. “You were?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” Jinsoul nodded. “Only seeing this,” she looked at the ocean once before looking back, “as some terrifying, dangerous force of nature—I knew why you did, but—” She bit her lip and stopped walking. Her eyes locked onto Jungeun’s, widening slightly. It was as if she’d realised something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun wondered if she’d say it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it’s brought me a lot of peace over the years,” Jinsoul said. “The water’s always been my home and it’s been a threat for so many others.” She frowned. “Especially you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun chuckled. “Some would say it’s a natural opposition.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe,” Jinsoul was shaking her head, “but it isn’t. Like me not being able to breathe it in at first didn’t mean I didn’t belong in the water.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun just nodded. Jinsoul never seemed out of place on land, but there was something about seeing her by or surrounded by water that brought out a change. It was subtle, but certainly there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You being scared of it, so much that even if you wanted to, you couldn’t see what else there was,” she faltered again. “I’m just glad you’re seeing those things.” A small smile appeared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun found her next words easily enough. “You’re one of the reasons I can.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jinsoul was quiet for a moment, still looking at her. Then she cleared her throat. “Good—I mean, great.” She laughed softly. “But I guess you won’t be swimming any time soon?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t push it,” Jungeun smiled, “that won’t be for another few years.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m patient.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They walked along the beach in a silence that was only broken by the shore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun felt relaxed. That same deep sense of comfort was there from when it’d been dark by the sea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked to where Jinsoul was. She was drawing on the water, letting it circle through the air. Her eyes glittered as she used her magic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun watched as she created a large arc of it through the air, letting the water solidify into different patterns, before it fell into the ocean. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Something else joined the calm. It began as a flicker of lightness in her chest, which settled there, growing a bit heavier. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Jinsoul met her eyes. The feeling vanished. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something on your mind?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungeun shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They kept walking. There was the smallest of aches in her chest now. It was easy to ignore. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I do not condone crime, even if some of my stories end up making it something comical or normal. It's either fantasy or a sci-fi world and I stand by the mentality that there are different standards in those stories than in our world. That's my disclaimer.</p><p>On that note, the triplet line wreaking a bit of havoc is a fun concept. The stories in this universe aren't exactly 'light', but being immortality can bring about its own brand of absurdity. That's both to do with time and perspectives on different aspects of our lives and all that. </p><p>I apologise for the tone shift. I'm hoping it wasn't too abrupt? It made sense in my mind to make some jumps in time, mostly because this story wasn't actually planned to be neatly chronological. In the beginning, I needed to have time going a little slower, to really show how things between Jungeun and Jinsoul were developing. </p><p> </p><p>Either way, I hope you're all doing well and are staying safe. See you next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Contradictions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were leaving soon. Jinsoul was off saying her goodbyes, but also tending to the injuries she still needed to heal. It wasn’t hard to see that her people still cherished her abilities, as well as just having Jinsoul near. She was patient and almost always seemed calm. </p><p>She was a stable presence here, even if she wasn’t there for multiple stretches of time. </p><p>Then Jungeun heard the soft crunch of sand off to the side. </p><p>She looked up. Lanah was walking along the side of the ocean. She had a similar pale hair to Jinsoul, but made even lighter by the sun. </p><p>Jungeun made to stand when she got closer. </p><p>“Stay where you are,” Lanah said. “I only came to give you this.” She held something out. </p><p>Jungeun took it. It was a dagger, one with a pale blade and a strange rock as the hilt. The base of it glowed a pale blue in the later afternoon. </p><p>“The blade is pearl, charmed not to shatter,” Lanah explained. “The rock is from the very base of the sea. The blue is the glow you only see among the creatures in the deep.” </p><p>“It isn’t from them, is it?” Jungeun looked at it. Jinsoul was always so energised when she spoke of the animals. She was also fascinated when she spoke of the deep sea. Killing anything from there for a blade felt wrong. </p><p>“The Astra aren’t the only ones who can gather light,” she replied. There was a small smile on her face. “It’s a gift.”</p><p>“For me?” Jungeun tried not to frown. She hadn’t done anything. </p><p>Lanah looked back to where the elves still were, where Jinsoul was, eyes softening. “She trusts you,” she said the words lightly. Too lightly. </p><p>Jungeun swallowed the lump that’d settled in her throat. She kept her expression neutral. </p><p>“I’ll admit, I didn’t think she would for a long time.”</p><p>“Me neither,” Jungeun said, feeling oddly small. There was a quiet sort of intimidation she felt here on the beach in front of Lanah.</p><p>“She already did a decade ago.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I’m not sure if that—“</p><p>“I knew,” Lanah said. “Or do you think I would’ve misread such a thing?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>She smiled. “If you didn’t believe that she trusted you, shouldn’t you have argued with me now?” </p><p>Jungeun stared at her. </p><p>“Either you’d like to avoid arguments, or you know that I’m right.” Lanah pointed at the knife. “You don’t think you should have that, do you?”</p><p>She didn’t say anything. </p><p>“You could give that to your newcomer if you wanted to. Tell her it’s a gift from the sea.” Lanah’s smile grew ever so slightly. “Even with what little she’s told me, Jinsoul’s come to respect her quite a lot.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “So have I.” She already knew Yerim would love it. If she’d use it was another question. </p><p>Her brow furrowed then, a familiar gesture. “I’m guessing you’ll pass it on then?”</p><p>Jungeun grimaced. “I’m sorry, is that—”</p><p>“Don’t apologise.” Lanah waved a hand. “I was quite sure you wouldn’t want that.”</p><p>“How?” Jungeun’s face warmed. What else was she supposed to say to that? She’d apologise if she hadn’t already been told not to. </p><p>“You’re surprisingly similar.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “We aren’t.”</p><p>Lanah only smiled. “Have a nice journey back, Jungeun.” She turned around and walked away. </p><p>There was a sour taste in her mouth. The reasons why Lanah was wrong were all caught in her throat. She pushed them down. </p><p>Jungeun looked back at the knife. Yerim would love it. She’d been interested in hearing about the times Jungeun had trained to use certain mortal weapons. Moonlight was much lighter than any metal weapon, as well as any out of wood. Jungeun wondered if Yerim would ever want to train with a dagger. Most didn’t need it, but Yerim liked to push herself. She was also someone who wanted something to do. </p><p>Maybe she’d even start training to use it. </p><p>“Jungeun?” a voice called, one that Jungeun heard perfectly over the constant rush of the sea. </p><p>She knew where to look to, only to see Jinsoul jogging along the beach, two packs on her shoulder, including Jungeun’s own dagger, hanging from its straps around her wrist. </p><p>“I’m guessing you’re ready to go?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>Jinsoul smiled and handed over her pack. “They gave us some food for the way. That’s in your bag, because you didn’t pack as much as I did.” She looked at Jungeun’s dagger once before giving her that as well. “I’ll never get why you use these when you have two types of magic, one of which can make one just like this.”</p><p>“I have to concentrate to make it,” Jungeun said. “And even with the light, it’s not what I practiced with. The metal, real weapons, they’re heavy and need a specific balance to them.” </p><p>“Did you have to use them, or did you want to?”</p><p>As if on cue, the two of them started walking. The sand still felt warm from the sun. Jinsoul had told Jungeun that her feet hurt when it was too hot on the sand. The water she wore on her feet was a sign that it was still too hot. </p><p>“I wanted to,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>Jinsoul was still looking at her. She knew there was more to that. Jungeun almost smiled. </p><p>“Fire was difficult to control sometimes,” Jungeun said. “If I was angry, the flames burned a little faster. If I was tired, they sputtered out.” She shrugged. “They weren’t reliable at all when I was younger.” She strapped the dagger to her arm. </p><p>Jinsoul’s eyes were on her other hand now. “She finally gave you that?” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “This?” She lifted the knife of pearl and bedrock. “Finally?”</p><p>She smiled slightly. “It takes some time to get that much pearl out of the sea.” She met Jungeun’s eyes then. “And I might’ve told her you’d like something you could use.” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t have hidden her surprise, not even if she’d wanted to. ”What?” </p><p>“She asked me what to give you,” Jinsoul explained. “She wanted to thank you for being the reason I—" She didn’t continue. </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but want to hang onto the words, but also to the silence that followed.</p><p>Jinsoul was looking down now, brow furrowed as she was looking for the next words. They’d come, but not yet. </p><p>They reached the forest now, a route they’d taken so many times. It was one Jungeun would’ve never taken twenty years ago, or even twelve. </p><p>“You helped make the Astra a home for me,” Jinsoul said. “I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you for it properly.” </p><p>Jungeun almost stopped walking. She didn’t, because Jinsoul was still keeping a faster pace. </p><p>“Did I ever even say that to you?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>She didn’t remember. “You didn’t have to.”</p><p>“I did.” Now Jinsoul stopped walking, gently catching her arm. “Thank you for everything, for taking the time to, well, bothering with all of it.” A pause. “With me.” She let go of Jungeun then. </p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “You’re not a hard person to deal with.” </p><p>“I was then.” </p><p>“I’ve dealt with worse,” Jungeun said. “I mean that. Not just the people who actually hate me, but with the Astra, my own people too.” She could’ve told Jinsoul of the people she’d wanted to hate, of the people she’d wished she could've taken her anger out on. She didn’t. </p><p>“But I added to it,” Jinsoul shot back. “I never gave you a chance.” Her other hand was fiddling with her sleeve. “I held everything I’d heard about you against you.” Her voice went a lot quieter now. “I still do sometimes.” </p><p>
  <em>They targeted her. Is that how you did it?</em>
</p><p>It’d stung, but only because it was true. Jungeun knew how to kill them quickly, leave them so they were just barely alive when the healer came, or push them so close to death that no healing magic could save them. All of it was something she knew how to do, and had done so many times. </p><p>“You heard a lot about me,” Jungeun said. “A lot of it was true.” Before Jinsoul could reply, she continued, “and there’s still things you don’t know about.”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned at that. </p><p>Jungeun felt a small jolt of dread. Had she not told her enough? Or had there—</p><p>“But I know things I didn’t before,” Jinsoul replied.</p><p>Jungeun didn’t know what she was supposed to make of that. Jinsoul hadn’t known a lot of things before. She still didn’t. </p><p>“How does that make a difference?”</p><p>“I know you now,” Jinsoul continued. “I should’ve made an effort to know you the moment I met you and I didn’t.” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “A lot of people don’t do that. Not just with me.” She held her gaze. “That isn’t a bad thing.” </p><p>“So you wanted it to happen?” Jinsoul asked. “You wanted me to keep treating you like I did?”</p><p>The words almost felt sharp. The answer was no, but it felt like a mistake to say that. </p><p>But Jungeun remembered the way Jinsoul had looked at her before. She’d had that same look yesterday, if only for a brief second. </p><p>Jinsoul's voice softened. "Then don’t tell me I was right.” </p><p>“Just because I didn’t want it to stay that way, doesn’t mean you weren’t justified,” Jungeun said. </p><p>“You’re saying that because you agree with what I'd thought,” Jinsoul frowned, “and I don’t anymore.”</p><p>She looked away, ready to keep walking, but Jinsoul took her hand then. As always, her skin was cool, but Jungeun warmed at the contact. </p><p>“Why don’t you want to hear that?” Jinsoul asked, almost carefully. </p><p>Jungeun grimaced. Of all the things she didn’t want to hear, someone being cautious around her was high on the list. She hated it if people were afraid their words would find some weak spot. So many were like that. Even her family.</p><p>They avoided talking about it to her, because they thought they’d hurt her. They thought they’d create more cracks, when they’d just put a bit of pressure on them. Just letting it be was one thing, trying to ignore it was avoiding it. </p><p>It was hypocritical, because Jungeun preferred to avoid those things herself. </p><p>“It’s actually pretty easy to justify what I’ve done,” Jungeun said. She kept walking, gently pulling out of Jinsoul’s grasp. “I did it for my people, for the Astra. I did it to get money, to get rid of the threat, to save someone else, or a group of people.” She shook her head, keeping her eyes ahead. “Or I did it because I was raised to do it. I did it because it’s what I’m destined to do, or because it’s who I am.” </p><p>Jinsoul was walking beside her. Even looking out at the forest, Jungeun knew she was looking at her. </p><p>“And all of that feels like an excuse, blaming it on something I can’t control when I can.” </p><p>“You could’ve controlled how you were raised?” Jinsoul was still frowning. </p><p>“Maybe.” Jungeun shrugged. “I always did what I was told,” she said. “And then I got good at doing what people wanted without them having to tell me.” </p><p>“And the things you want to do?”</p><p>“It all mixed together at one point,” she replied. “There’s contradictions that I can’t be bothered to get rid of.” </p><p>“Contradictions?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>Jungeun wondered if she already knew. “I want to stop—I wanted to stop from the beginning.” She looked down at her feet. “But every time I had the choice, every time someone was telling me I <em>could</em>—should do something else, I didn’t.” </p><p>No response. Jinsoul’s arm brushed Jungeun’s every now and then. She wasn’t moving away, but Jungeun didn’t dare look at her. </p><p>She kept talking. She wondered if she’d ever said any of this to someone. “There’s always something I can't handle. If I know I’m close to it, I’ll see if I can get myself back together. Then I get to the point where there's something else.” She paused, the words were almost coming too quickly. “And then it keeps going.” </p><p>Jinsoul was still at her side. </p><p>Jungeun found she didn’t have anything else to say. Was that it? All that she’d thought about? She’d spent so long trying to think through her life. There was something in her mind, something that let her put all of it at a distance. She’d made sense of it, but she knew it couldn't be understood. No matter if she tried to explain it or not. She wasn’t sure if it was supposed to make sense. </p><p>“So that’s why you leave?” Jinsoul asked. “To heal before you get to that point?” Her tone was something unfamiliar. Jungeun wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what that was. </p><p>Still, being honest was the only option she had. Jinsoul was almost always honest with her, no matter what that truth might've meant for either of them. “I leave so I can come back.” She risked looking to the side. </p><p>Jinsoul was looking at her, neither with confusion or anything close to distaste, but there was still something that she couldn't place. </p><p>“So when you went to the Warsa,” Jinsoul began, “even though it was for a few years?”</p><p>“I never planned on staying there,” Jungeun admitted. “And unless a mental fairy gets involved, they can’t keep me anywhere.” Another time, she might’ve been proud to say it. She had her fair share of weaknesses, more than most, but there were ways she could work around most of them. </p><p>“But you still went,” she said. “You liked being there.” </p><p>“I stayed because it wasn’t home,” Jungeun replied. “I left for the same reason.”</p><p>“And your people had to come get you.” </p><p>Jungeun was more than slightly surprised that Jinsoul remembered. </p><p>“How long would you have stayed?” Jinsoul asked. “If they hadn’t made you come back?”</p><p>“Not much longer,” Jungeun said. “Maybe five years, or even less.”</p><p>Her brow rose. “Really?” </p><p>“I was pretty much alright by the time they—Reyna came.” </p><p>“Pretty much,” Jinsoul repeated. “You went because you thought you were supposed to be there.” </p><p>“I was,” Jungeun said. “Both for me and for them.”</p><p>“The Warsa?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “My people.”</p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “But they wanted you back.”</p><p>“They didn’t want me there in the first place,” she said. “But they wouldn’t have liked it if I’d stayed either.” </p><p>The confusion just got stronger. </p><p>“They were scared,” Jungeun said. </p><p>“Of you?” Jinsoul turned then. She looked so surprised. </p><p>“When I wasn’t able to keep going,” she explained, “they tried to help me—fix what’d happened.” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t ask it, but it was pasted across her features. <em>What happened?</em></p><p>“It was something I’d done before,” Jungeun said. “They send me after a group and I have to take—kill them all. These were vampires.” She almost laughed. “They’re the ones I’m supposed to have no problem with. They're not supposed to be human the second human blood touches their lips.” </p><p>“But they’re still human at heart,” Jinsoul finished. </p><p>She nodded. “After, they all reminded me they weren’t human, told me that I’d had to kill them, all that.” She looked back to the trees. “But before I attacked, I saw how one tried to push another away, telling him to run.” It was always difficult to catch a vampire, but with a quick enough reaction and the right attack, she always could. “I didn’t let him.”</p><p>Jinsoul was quiet. Jungeun didn’t look her way. Not this time. </p><p>“What scared them, Reyna, Pollux, the others,” Jungeun gnawed on the inside of her cheek, “was the way I’d been after that—that it’d been vampires that’d pushed me past my limit.” </p><p>She saw how Jinsoul turned to her, how she almost said something, before pulling the words back. </p><p>“You can ask me,” Jungeun said. “Whatever it is.” </p><p>“Didn’t they know that all of it was hurting you?” </p><p>Jungeun frowned. “I don’t think that—”</p><p>“Did they know you didn’t want to keep going with that?” Jinsoul asked. “That you wanted to stop?”</p><p>She shrugged. “They found out when I left if they didn’t before.”</p><p>This time Jinsoul frowned. “So they just thought that you’d be able to keep doing what you were doing, without a problem?”</p><p>“There're so many others like me,” Jungeun replied. "They pushend through it."</p><p>“Except you were sent out each time,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“Because I wanted to be.”</p><p>“And they should’ve known it was too much.” </p><p>Jungeun chose not to reply to that. They were close to the river. She sped up a bit. </p><p>“Did I say something wrong?” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “Nothing.” </p><p>“Jungeun.” </p><p>“I don’t know,” she turned around, “I should’ve been able—it doesn’t matter. That was years ago.” </p><p>Jinsoul took her arm again, pulling her back. “But what about now?” Her brow was arched upwards again. “What do I do if it comes to that? Leave you alone? Talk to you?”</p><p>“You’re,” Jungeun started, “you’re not supposed to do anything. You don’t have to.”</p><p>“I want to.” Her voice was soft. </p><p>Jungeun felt a bit of the tension leave her at the words. </p><p>“I’m not saying you have to tell me when something’s wrong,” Jinsoul said. “Just that I know when you need some time away. Yerim’s getting adjusted, and I’ll be there for everything else.” She moved her hand to take Jungeun’s. </p><p>She couldn’t speak. A small ache settled into her throat. </p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand. Then she let go. “Just tell me what to do if it comes to that.”</p><p>Jungeun forced together the words she wanted to say. “I don’t think I’ll be going for a while.”</p><p>“But if you do?” </p><p>“Just let me go?” She let herself smile. <em>I’d come back</em>, she wanted to say. </p><p>Except that was a promise she didn’t want to make. She could tell her she’d try. </p><p>Jinsoul smiled back then. “Okay.” </p><p>They kept walking after that. The ache hadn’t gotten much stronger, but it hadn’t faded either. </p><p>_____</p><p>The camp was in sight now. The two of them had stuck to lighter conversation for most of the way back. Jungeun had asked her where she’d want to go if they’d go anywhere. Jinsoul had told her either the desert or the frozen oceans. </p><p>And it’d gone from there. All of it simple. </p><p>Now they were here. Jinsoul felt nervous, close before a decision that might’ve been a mistake. </p><p>They’d stopped walking. Jinsoul wasn’t sure if Jungeun had stopped first or if she had. All she knew was that Jungeun was waiting for her to say something now. She knew. </p><p>“I have to go to Nuala,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun met her eyes. “Yeah?” The second question was plain, even if she didn’t have to ask her. <em>You're sure?</em></p><p>She nodded. Jungeun had once told her she didn’t have a duty among the Astra. In some ways, that was true. </p><p>But it also wasn’t right. Jinsoul needed to help here in the best way she could. </p><p>The smile that spread across Jungeun’s face was breathtaking. </p><p>"You were already helping us a lot," she said. "But the Astra'll be lucky to get you as a healer."</p><p>“It’ll be lucky if they trust me enough for that.” Jinsoul shrugged. “Even if they know what I can do, it’s still a leap of faith.” </p><p>Jungeun chuckled. “You’ll have Nuala watching over everything in the first weeks,” she said. “Or maybe even less.” There was so much conviction in her voice. </p><p>Something in Jinsoul grew lighter just hearing it. “I’ll see you soon.”</p><p>Her smile softened. “See you.”</p><p>When Jinsoul walked away, she felt the slow wave of familiar emotions. She couldn’t discern them, but they were there. </p><p>She kept walking. </p><p>_____</p><p>“Jinsoul, enough!” Jungeun dodges her hands. </p><p>“You need something on your head too!” Jinsoul shot a look Yerim’s way. “Help me, please.” </p><p>Yerim lifted a hand. </p><p>Moonlight wrapped around her legs several times, before embedding itself into the ice. Had it not been to trap her, she would've been proud. Then Jungeun kicked the light off her legs, hoping they wouldn’t hear whatever she was muttering under her breath. Jinsoul had already slipped the hat over her head.</p><p>“Don’t you dare burn that off,” Jinsoul said. “I knitted it myself.”</p><p>Jungeun’s brow rose then. She closed her mouth too. Now she definitely couldn’t burn it. </p><p>Jinsoul and Yerim exchanged a look. It looked more than a little suspicious. </p><p>“You planned this?” Jungeun narrowed her eyes at the both of them. She was shivering. She had been for a while, but she’d been trying to hide it. </p><p>They didn’t respond. </p><p>Jungeun rolled her eyes, before adjusting the hat. “You’re both being—”</p><p>“Every year, you’ve gotten a cold no matter how warm your clothes are,” Jinsoul said. “The best you ever had was a simple hood, but you never wore a hat.” She tucked Jungeun’s ears into the hat. “And the cold gets into your head just as easily.”</p><p>“I don’t like having my ears covered,” she muttered. </p><p>Jinsoul untucked one. Jungeun was almost certain it looked ridiculous, with one pointed ear sticking out the side of the hat. </p><p>“We’re here though!” Yerim smiled. “So don’t worry about that.” She glanced at Jinsoul. “You can sense movement on snow, right?”</p><p>“If I concentrate.”</p><p>“So concentrate.” Yerim slapped her back before bounding across the snow. “It’s so quiet here!” She laughed, hopping around the northern ice. It'd been a few months since they'd first spoken about it, but they were finally here. </p><p>“Is the ice thick enough?” Jungeun asked, wondering if they’d have to drag her out of the ice water. </p><p>Jinsoul was already looking at the ice. “I can sense water a few metres down. We’ll be alright.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you two stay warm,” Jungeun said. She watched Yerim as she ran across the endless planes and had to smile. </p><p>“Summon some fire,” Jinsoul said, huddling a bit closer to her. “Just because I’m not shivering doesn’t mean I’m not cold.”</p><p>She did, a sharp tug in her chest when the flames appeared in the air. Making them grow was easier, but summoning them in the first place was always difficult when it was cold. She just had to maintain the flame for as long as she could.</p><p>“My goal is that you don’t get sick,” Jinsoul continued. “Or at least don’t get a horrible lung infection.” She adjusted the scarf she’d already given to Jungeun last winter. It’d started with the dagger Lanah had given Jungeun, but Jinsoul was starting to give things more. It wasn’t much, but nothing Jungeun could overlook. </p><p>The only consolation was Jinsoul extending that to Yerim too, who was currently sporting a scarf and gloves Jinsoul had managed to knit. It was something Jungeun had known she could do, but she’d never really seen her do it. Except now. </p><p>“I think the reason I get sick is just winter,” Jungeun replied. “You’re fighting nature.”</p><p>“And it could be a fight we win!” Jinsoul’s eyes were sparkling a little more, stunning in the sunlight that bounced off the snow and back. </p><p>Jungeun found herself staring for a few seconds longer than she should have. </p><p>And then Jinsoul caught her, the corner of her lip tilting up slightly. </p><p>“I’m the best person to have on your team for a snowball fight,” she said. “Should we gang up on Yerim?” </p><p>Jungeun blinked and spotted the way humour shone in Jinsoul’s eyes. “I think it should be a free-for-all.” She immediately gathered some snow and threw it Jinsoul’s way. It hit her shoulder. </p><p>Immediately, there was a surge of snow beneath her feet, almost making her land on her back. In any other situation, Jungeun would’ve been scared. She laughed now. </p><p>“Yerim!” Jungeun called. “She’s attacking me!” </p><p>She saw how Yerim gathered snow herself, before lobbing two snowballs Jinsoul’s way. </p><p>Jinsoul shot her a look of betrayal. “I thought we had no teams!”</p><p>Jungeun’s legs were buried in snow and ice then. </p><p>She grinned as she melted it with the fire she still had in the air. “You’ve got an unfair advantage,” she replied. “I’ve got Yerim.” She tossed a large snowball at her back when Jinsoul turned to face Yerim. In the same moment, two hit Jinsoul, one in the face, the other in the chest. </p><p>“This isn’t fair!” Jinsoul screeched. The snow rose from the ground, gathering in two massive spheres. </p><p>“<em>That</em> isn’t fair!” Yerim scrambled over to Jungeun. “Melt them!” </p><p>Jungeun made the air around them heat up, but Jinsoul was still controlling the water. When she flung them at them, Jungeun ducked, taking Yerim down with her. She felt the water on her face, but both balls sailed above them. </p><p>And the fight went on, until the first gave up. Surprisingly, it was Jinsoul, the one who’d probably been dominating the entire thing. </p><p>Jungeun felt the melted snow that’d soaked into her clothes warm before it disappeared completely. She knew the same happened to Yerim, because she looked at her clothes with surprise. </p><p>“Truce,” Jinsoul said, pulling them both to her sides. “Just as long as you two know I could’ve buried you both in the snow.” She wrapped her arms around their shoulders. </p><p>Jungeun brought the fire back to the air in front of them, warming the air around them without melting the snow or ice. </p><p>“You would’ve never done that,” Yerim said. Just from the sound of her voice, Jungeun knew she was grinning. </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul admitted, “but I would’ve pelted you both with an endless amount of snowballs.”</p><p>“Except we would’ve both gotten terrible colds,” Jungeun elbowed her, “I’m right, aren’t I?”</p><p>“You still might,” Jinsoul grumbled. “Let’s start making dinner.” </p><p>“Already?” Yerim frowned. </p><p>“Already,” Jinsoul left them to get the bag she’d dropped, “and you’ll be making a fire.” She held it out to Jungeun. </p><p>She looked into it only to see there were several blankets rolled into the top. Jungeun barely knew what to make of Jinsoul’s giving side, nor the one that would lug this many blankets for days, and stop a snowball fight even though they were very clearly winning it. </p><p>“And make sure you’re warm,” Jinsoul said, looking surprisingly stern. </p><p>Jungeun fought a smile in return. </p><p>_____</p><p>”Now we wait,” Jungeun said, a smile already on her face. “Might come now, or only when it gets dark.” </p><p>Yerim looked over at her then, confusion crossing her features. “You’ve been here enough to know?”</p><p>“I like it here,” Jungeun replied, looking out over the ice and snow. “It’s quiet.”</p><p>All three of them were huddled together beneath a large fur blanket. Jungeun was in the middle so they could keep her warm, but also to bask in the warmth still radiating from the fire elf. The lingering pain in her head had finally started to fade now. It was either the ice around them, or the cold. Something had helped. </p><p>Jinsoul reached out beneath the blanket and looked for her hand. She brushed her knee first, before finding her fingers. Jungeun gently squeezed her hand, the skin still warm, but it didn’t feel like the air around a fire. The north still drained her. </p><p>“It’s weird not having the earth near me,” Yerim said quietly. “Except for traces across the ice and the ocean floor, I can’t feel anything.” </p><p>“Is that good?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“It’s weird,” she replied. “But I like it.” She huddled a bit closer to Jungeun as well. “Means I can just focus on what’s around us.” She looked out at the ice. “It’s beautiful.” </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Yerim and Jungeun both began to smile. Yerim’s was in awe, while Jungeun’s was both relieved and happy. She was particularly aware of Yerim’s mood. Maybe because Jungeun was always looking to see if she was alright, if the homesickness would make an appearance, or if Yerim was withdrawing into herself. </p><p>Except now they were here. Yerim’s smiles were almost always open now. </p><p>They sat, quietly talking about the other times Jungeun had come to the northern or southern parts of the world. It was more than Jinsoul had thought (more than Jungeun had told them before too). She’d never been afraid of it like she’d been scared of the sea, even if it could be more dangerous. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t keep her mind from dwelling on how at ease she felt with Jungeun and Yerim with her. She couldn’t stop thinking about how Jungeun was at an almost normal temperature (even if she should’ve been cold by now, though by Jungeun’s standards, she was). </p><p>She put some more into her skin, giving some of it to Jungeun. </p><p>“You don’t need to do that,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>“But I still will,” she whispered, moving a little bit closer. It should've been strange how easy it was to be close to her. Jinsoul knew she would’ve once never even wanted to be closer than a metre. </p><p>Now there was only a small amount of air left. </p><p>“I know.” Jungeun’s voice was soft in the silence around them. Jinsoul wanted to hear more of it. </p><p>Just the thought made her look up. Jungeun was already looking her way. There was a gentle fondness in her gaze. </p><p>Yerim gasped. “There!”</p><p>Jinsoul looked away first, turning her attention to the slow crawling light in the sky. She couldn’t draw on it, but a part of her could almost feel it. Her breath caught as she watched the wisps of green and yellow travel across the sky below the stars. It was all slow, but they sat through them, watching them travel along, changing shade ever so slightly, before disappearing and being replaced by more. </p><p>“They told me they were blue,” Yerim said. </p><p>“I think they can be?” Jungeun shrugged. “Any sort of colour.” She laughed softly. “Maybe one day we’ll know why.” She squeezed Jinsoul’s hand once. A question, as if she'd know the answer. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back, only for the words to grow heavy in her mouth. </p><p>She’d seen Jungeun when she was tired, numb, scared or excited. She’d seen her smile, both the fake and the real one.</p><p>This was different. </p><p>There was a small hint of uncertainty, but with all of it was a calm that Jinsoul had only rarely seen. She looked happy. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t look away. There was something so different about seeing the gentle greens reflect on Jungeun's skin, paired with a gaze that held nothing but warmth. Even if she was beautiful without those things, she was captivating now. </p><p>She thought of what Jungeun had told her before. Of how she’d left only so that she could come back to face her life again.</p><p>And a lot of it had been so that her people wouldn’t see her suffering. Jinsoul wondered how it must’ve been for Jungeun’s lack of strength to have been such a deciding factor. </p><p>Either that or Jungeun just didn’t want people to see her that way, no matter if they wanted to or not. </p><p>Then Jungeun ran her thumb over Jinsoul’s hand, a small question in her eyes. </p><p>“What do the mortals think of when they see this?” Yerim asked. Her eyes were wide as she watched the sky. “Do they think souls are in the light? Or that it’s a god’s acts?”</p><p>Jungeun looked away and Jinsoul felt a pang in her chest. She turned her attention back to the display of light in the sky. </p><p>“Some think it’s a creature in the sky, or a type of spirit, or heavenly fire,” Jungeun explained. “My favourite is the belief that the souls of the dead dance in the sky, that they’re happy even in death.” Her eyes were slowly filling with awe as they looked up at the sky. </p><p>That was a new expression. It felt like Jungeun actually wanted to believe in that. </p><p>“So that could be true?” Yerim asked. “We still don’t know what really happens to the dead, do we?” </p><p>“Not really,” Jungeun replied. “It’s something we want to think we know, but we don’t always.”</p><p>Yerim shifted so that she was looking at them both. “You don’t think your people are right? Or the Astra?” </p><p>“I don’t know if anyone’s right,” Jungeun said, looking up at the sky. “We know souls, or something like it exist, while the humans don’t. Even then, they still believe a part of them will transcend. Some think they’ll be reborn, others think they’ll go to a place more fitting of the lives they lived.” She pointed up. “And some think there’s different paths to those places.” </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to ask what she believed in, but she held back. “We believe our souls go back to the water. Mine would flow back to freshwater, probably the river where I learned how to swim.” She paused, wondering if even talking about this would be helpful. “That’s one of the reasons we think the water has so much magic within itself—why it can give life.” </p><p>“And what about the rest?” Jungeun asked. “Would I go into flames?” </p><p>Jinsoul almost felt ashamed for what she’d say next. “I don’t know.”</p><p>She smiled. “You don’t have to.” She looked to Yerim. “Do you?” There was a lightness in her expression, even with the subject on her mind. </p><p>“No,” Yerim said. “I want to, but I’ve seen so many who believe a different thing, each of them just as convinced as the next.” She shook her head. “So I don’t know.” </p><p>“I don’t either,” Jungeun replied. “More than a few mortals would call us heretics for that.” A small chuckle. “Chae and Hyejoo told me I should toss a coin. Sooyoung suggested I sit in on one of the mortals’ ceremonies to see if it works.” </p><p>Yerim’s brow rose. “Have you?” </p><p>She nodded. “I even looked to the really old gods, the ones they worshipped before we were alive.” Then she smiled. “There’s moon goddesses, as well as ones of the fire, but neither of them said I’d be going to the fire. Instead, they described a world under the ground, with different places to go depending on your life.” She frowned. “But there was nothing really to be said about the afterlife of the gods’ predecessors, or even the gods themselves.” </p><p>“You looked?” Jinsoul asked. Even her own interests in what the mortals created didn’t stray into their beliefs. Not when she had her own. Especially not when their stories and beliefs held nothing on elves, fairies, or other beasts and magics that existed. </p><p>“I did.” Jungeun looked a bit embarrassed. “Didn’t really find much, but I could tell you a lot about their pantheons and how most see death.” </p><p>Jinsoul struggled to find what else to say. Jungeun was very aware of the limits to her immortality. The first months spent around her had taught Jinsoul that. The first years had shown her that Jungeun still lived normally even with that mentality. </p><p>Jinsoul had never stopped to think of what Jungeun thought of what came after. She’d thought she’d either believed what the Astra did, or what her people before had. </p><p>“Sorry,” Jungeun said again. “Not exactly the best topic, I know.” </p><p>“It isn’t something to normally be worried about.” Jinsoul made sure to keep her voice from being too sharp. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t seem hurt by it. “Most don’t have to.” </p><p>“And does thinking about it long enough help?” Yerim asked. “Or does it make it worse?”</p><p>The corner of her lip tilted up. Why, Jinsoul had no idea. </p><p>“Probably worse,” Jungeun replied. “But thinking’s never really gotten me anywhere good.” She looked to the lights again. “I’m fine with being in the dark about what might happen. Can’t say it isn’t scary, but there’s nothing I can do.” She shrugged. “I spent years trying to see what everyone believed in, and I ended up seeing that people just find peace with it at some point. Either it’s ignorance, or there’s something else I haven’t found yet, but those people can keep living without fear because of it.”</p><p>Jinsoul felt a flicker of unease then. She usually did when they got close to this topic. It reminded her that one of Jungeun’s aims was just to <em>keep living</em>. She made the most of it, but it still left Jinsoul wondering what else Jungeun could have if she let herself live with a bit more freedom from her past.</p><p>It wouldn’t ever happen. Jinsoul had learned that over the years as well. Ironically, or maybe it was expected, Jungeun had a strong sense of morality, one that was the strictest for herself. Jungeun would never excuse her actions, or explain them away, not even for a reason even Jinsoul would agree with. </p><p>Jinsoul watched how Yerim’s eyes fell slightly then. Like Jungeun, she hoped for something certain. Jinsoul was already surprised that the two were similar in that way, but there were still differences. Yerim hoped for a bit more than Jungeun did. </p><p>“No one knows for certain,” Jinsoul said. “Not really.”</p><p>Jungeun raised a brow at her. “Are you saying you’re doubtful?”</p><p>“I’m hopeful,” she corrected. “I hope that if, or when, I die, I’ll go to the river, and maybe be swept out to sea. I don’t know if that’ll happen.” </p><p>Jungeun’s smile was gone. The hand holding Jinsoul’s tightened slightly. Yerim also looked discomforted. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul looked between them. </p><p>“Hearing you talk about it,” Yerim started, moving a bit closer to be in front of them, “it feels wrong.” </p><p>“Agreed.” Jungeun wasn’t looking at her. </p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand and stretched her leg out to lightly nudge Yerim beneath the blanket. “I don’t think I have to tell you both that you’re being hypocrites.”</p><p>Yerim grimaced. “I guess not.” </p><p>They were all quiet for a bit. She wasn’t sure if it was a good sign if both of them were more affected by talking about Jinsoul’s afterlife than their own. Then again, Jungeun was also fine with going off on her own and coming back to tell her about another person's attempt on her life.</p><p>“To be honest,” Jinsoul started, “I don’t think about the mortal’s beliefs when it comes to the afterlife. I look at what they think about the world instead.” </p><p>Jungeun’s brow furrowed slightly. “You mean their philosophies?” </p><p>“Sort of,” she shrugged, “I try to keep up with what I can when it comes to numbers. What they can do with them.” </p><p>“Numbers,” Yerim repeated. “Is this their economy or the mathematicians?” </p><p>“Mathematicians,” Jinsoul smiled, “I barely understand how finances are supposed work.”</p><p>“Me neither.” Jungeun shrugged. “But I’m also a fool when it comes to numbers.” </p><p>“It’s actually really simple.” Jinsoul spread her hands. “I learned with these.” She waggled her fingers. “And I listened in on lessons for nobles.” </p><p>Both of them stared at her. </p><p>“Lessons?” Yerim repeated. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “It took some time, but I managed to get a handle on what they had by around the twelfth century. I still have to go back and see what they’ve come up with by now.” </p><p>If their stunned expressions were anything to go by, they probably weren’t going to burst out laughing at Jinsoul’s expeditions into the mortal world. Hopefully. </p><p>“And what can they do with the numbers?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>Jinsoul blinked. “What?” </p><p>She smiled. “You said you tried to learn what they can do with them? What do numbers do other than combine with each other?”</p><p>“Create,” Jinsoul replied, the surprise falling away quickly enough. She hadn’t known either of them for long, but she’d seen enough to know when Jungeun was genuinely interested. She also had an idea of what Yerim looked like from the days and nights spent answering her questions. Oddly enough, both wanted to know more now. “So much of what they do is possible because they can calculate the right things.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded, but her brow was furrowed. </p><p>“It doesn’t make much sense without context,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“Nope,” she grinned, “but that’s fine.” </p><p>“Is it really?” Jinsoul couldn’t help but frown. “You’re fine with not understanding how the calculations work?” <em>And not knowing what comes after?</em></p><p>Jungeun laughed. It was one of the gentler ones, not as brash. “I like languages more.”</p><p>“Right,” Yerim gave her a look, “what was it, you can speak Warsan, Arcsan, Korean, English—what else?” </p><p>“Latin, Greek,” Jungeun replied, "and I can understand a few more, but only specific dialects.”</p><p>“Was that all from when you went away?” Yerim asked. </p><p>“Pretty much,” she said, smiling. “Want to try it?”</p><p>Yerim wrinkled her nose. “You put yourself into a new place, maybe with a few illusions, and then learn that way.” She frowned at her. “I’m fine.”</p><p>Jungeun leaned over and pushed her gently. “Maybe I’ll convince you in the future.” </p><p>There was an eye roll in response. </p><p>Jungeun just laughed. It wasn’t the loud one, but there was a warmth to it. Even with where the conversation had gone, Jungeun didn’t seem to have been dragged down by it too much. </p><p>Jinsoul found herself wanting to stay here. She wanted to watch Yerim tease Jungeun, or the other way round. Even if Jinsoul sometimes ended up being a target for both, mostly for her aquatic friends, she didn't mind that at all.</p><p>They kept watching the lights. Every now and then, there were portions that were blue. </p><p>Jungeun had warmed the air some more around them, so they stayed there for hours. </p><p>Until Jinsoul started to yawn, followed by Yerim, and Jungeun started to build the tent. She ignored both of them when they wanted to help.</p><p>_____</p><p>Jinsoul fell asleep surprisingly quickly. Jungeun wondered if it was the healing that made her so tired. She hoped that wasn’t it. Jinsoul had dived straight into healing for the Astra, trying to learn everything she could from Nuala, as well as try out other ways to use her healing magic. She was busy the entire night and some days she spent sleeping in the healing tent to make sure everything was fine with the people she was tending to. </p><p>It’d been four months of that, broken by some patrols that Jinsoul insisted she could still go on. Elves weren’t supposed to get tired, at least not in the way that Jinsoul had been. </p><p>So Yerim had suggested they go somewhere <em>without</em> a contract. </p><p>Jungeun had suggested going to the North Pole. </p><p>And now Jinsoul was finally sleeping. </p><p>Yerim shifted a bit to drink more tea. </p><p>“Hungry?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>She looked at her. “Are you?” A smile was starting to appear. It was coming a lot easier. With each passing month, Yerim smiled more. She still didn’t have a lot to do with the rest of the Astra, but she talked more with Hyunjin and Hyejoo (by extent Heejin and Chaewon too). It wasn’t perfect yet, because Yerim still outright refused having much to do with any Astran outside of their smaller group. Yerim also preferred being awake during the day. Jungeun had the sneaking suspicion she was still clinging on to what separated her from the Astra. </p><p>Even if she was staying, Yerim probably still didn’t feel like she was one of them. She was grateful that Yerim didn’t really include her and Jinsoul into that. It’d been the three of them for the past year now, and then a few months added to that. It didn’t feel like such a short time. </p><p>“Yep,” Jungeun replied, putting on another serving. They had enough food with them that they didn't need to ration much. Jungeun also ate a lot more when she was cold, so she'd packed twice what she'd normally have with her. </p><p>“Is it the cold that does that?” Then Yerim shook her head. “Never mind, you’re always hungry.”</p><p>She chuckled. “My mother always said it was because I was like a fire, always drawing on the air or wood.”</p><p>Yerim smiled. “Except you use food. Light too.”</p><p>Jungeun started eating. </p><p>“I’m glad you took us here first,” Yerim said. “It was everything I’d imagined, and more.”</p><p>“Yeah?” She paused. “Not too cold?”</p><p>“Freezing,” Yerim laughed, “but that’s how it works here.” She nudged her. “It’s also so quiet,” she added. “I wouldn’t have ever wanted to come here alone. Only with—” Her voice paused. “Honestly, only with the two of you.” </p><p>Jungeun’s heart warmed. She put down her bowl and then wrapped Yerim in a tight hug. </p><p>“Don’t crush me,” Yerim muttered, but she hugged her back. She smelled like the forest, but also a combination of fruits and flowers. None of it was overwhelming, but Jungeun couldn’t distinguish between the scents. </p><p>They’d hugged before, but not really like this. Jungeun probably wouldn’t ever forget the first time. Yerim had been homesick, but angry at herself for feeling that way. The anger toward her people had numbed over time, but it hadn’t disappeared completely. How could it have?</p><p>Jungeun and Jinsoul had sat with her. For one of the first times, Yerim had cried in front of them. </p><p>Jinsoul had asked if they could hug her. </p><p>Yerim had responded by wrapping them both in her arms. She’d thanked them for being there this entire time. She’d thanked them for being so patient with her. She’d also thanked them for trying to make a new home for her. </p><p><em>“I’m not there yet</em>,” <em>she’d said, voice still heavy with emotion. “But I know I will be. Someday.”</em></p><p>“The cold really does take a toll on you, doesn’t it?” </p><p>“Am I cold?” Jungeun asked, warming her skin a bit more. </p><p>Yerim shook her head. “But you’re normally a lot warmer than this.” She pulled away just enough so that her head was on Jungeun’s shoulder. “What’s it feel like for you? Do you feel weaker? Or just cold?”</p><p>“The fire won’t come as easily,” she told her. “But the light doesn’t change.” She focused a bit more on her magic, what was there. “So I’m weaker, yeah, and a lot of my energy isn’t really there anymore, but that comes around every winter.” </p><p>“And you’re fine with that?” Yerim asked. </p><p>Jungeun laughed slightly. “Pretty much.”</p><p>Yerim held her gaze, a tiny frown appearing. </p><p>“Don’t believe me?” </p><p>“I do,” Yerim said. “But I didn’t expect that.”</p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but frown. “Why?”</p><p>“A lot of people don’t like being where they aren’t at their strongest,” she shrugged, “I couldn’t be here longer than a day or two.” She flexed her fingers. “Not stranded like this.” </p><p>“I think she’ll think the same when we go to the desert.” Jungeun looked over at Jinsoul then. Her expression was completely calm, devoid of any tension. She usually slept soundly. Jungeun was always the one who stirred in her sleep, or there was something where she needed to be woken up. Jinsoul always did. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” </p><p>Jungeun smiled. “You don’t have to ask, Yerim.” </p><p>“I know,” she bit her lip, “but it might be more personal.” </p><p>“Just ask.” Jungeun dug an elbow into her side. </p><p>“What actually happened?” Yerim asked. “When Jinsoul came to the Astra?”</p><p>Of all the questions, that was one of the last she’d expected. </p><p>“You don’t have to tell me, I’d just heard some things—” She then broke off. </p><p>Jungeun wondered if Hyejoo and the others had said something. Whatever it’d been, she could clear it up. Most likely. “What’d they tell you?”</p><p>“Jinsoul hated you?” Yerim looked at the elf in question. “I didn’t exactly believe that.” She frowned. “At all.”</p><p>Jungeun almost felt flattered. “You might have to ask her, but she definitely didn’t like me before.” </p><p>Her eyes widened. “So they were telling the truth?”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “All Jinsoul had known about me was what I’d done before. She’d healed people I’d hurt too.” She took a small breath. Even thinking about it still stung. “And with everything Jinsoul stands for, can you be surprised that she was like that at first?”</p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>Jungeun blinked. “What?” </p><p>Yerim glanced at Jinsoul again, who was still fast asleep. She coughed once, probably to check, because Jinsoul had once been almost <em>too</em> aware of people’s sickness if it came to it. </p><p>No reaction. </p><p>“You’re both selfless,” Yerim said. “And you push yourselves too much to get better at something.” She pursed her lips as she looked at the sleeping figure. “You went to the coldest places possible, she does this whole thing until she’s exhausted and—” She stopped. </p><p>“What?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>Then she was shaking her head. “Nothing, I mean—”</p><p>“Yerim.” She gave her a look. </p><p>“She was getting headaches.”</p><p>Jungeun felt the smallest of pang in her chest. </p><p>“That’s the main reason I wanted us to come here,” Yerim said. “Be around water, technically ice, and being somewhere where the only person she has to potentially worry about is you.” </p><p>Jungeun must’ve been making a face, because Yerim was waving her hands. </p><p>“You’re different,” she said quickly. “I don’t think it’s all that stressful for her to make sure you don’t catch a cold.” She smiled slightly. “And that’s probably funnier than you think, because, you know—” She nodded at her. </p><p>“I’m dumb?” Jungeun smiled as well. </p><p>“No!” Yerim was waving her hands again, her eyes starting to form crescents. “Well, maybe that too, but I meant that you don’t really let people take care of you.” </p><p>That made her pause. “I do.” </p><p>Her brow rose. “You barely let people cook for you, let alone watch your back on a patrol.” Then her smile grew. “And your family doesn’t count.” </p><p>Jungeun sat back. “What about Haseul?” </p><p>“Haseul takes care of everyone.” Yerim’s brow furrowed. “But even with her you probably end up doing most of the look-outs, right?”</p><p>“I do that with Jinsoul too.” </p><p>“Except she helps you too, gives you tea, occasionally cooks when it won’t be terrible, and she’ll heal you.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “She heals everyone.”</p><p>“But you’re always together.” </p><p>Jungeun almost denied that when she realised it was true. </p><p>“That’s why I can’t believe you didn’t like each other,” Yerim said. “Not when you work this well together now.”</p><p>“I always liked her,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>Yerim’s eyes widened. So did her smile. </p><p>“I’d heard some things before,” she added. “It was hard <em>not</em> to like her.”</p><p>“But then how’d you get past that?” Yerim asked. “How did things get like this?”</p><p>Like this. Jungeun didn’t really know what that was supposed to mean. Friends? Was that even the right word?</p><p>“I don’t really know,” Jungeun admitted. ”Time, maybe?”</p><p>“Time,” Yerim repeated. </p><p>Jungeun nodded. “It should’ve been that the more she learned about me, the more she hated me,” she almost laughed, “but she didn’t.”</p><p>She frowned then. “It’s the opposite. For almost everyone who knows you.” </p><p>Jungeun fought the urge to say something else then. She didn’t need to start a discussion. Not here. </p><p>“But I think a lot of it was that we were here, doing a lot of patrols together. We always walked too,” Jungeun said. “And every now and then we’d talk.” The highlight might’ve been when the silences had become comfortable. </p><p>Yerim nodded. She looked like she wasn’t finished. </p><p>She smiled. “Any more questions?” </p><p>“Chaewon said you don’t really like doing the same thing. That you take patrols out farther away, or something, when it is getting the same.” Yerim paused, looking at Jinsoul once, before looking back at her. “I like the patrols the way we do them, but isn’t that also doing the same over and over again?”</p><p>Jungeun could answer that easily. “It was never the same these last years with Jinsoul,” she said. “It hasn’t been like that with you either, and I don’t think it will be.”</p><p>She looked unconvinced, almost insecure.</p><p>Jungeun took her hand. “What Chae was talking about was me getting bored out of my mind with guard duty, or going with Haseul to those diplomacy talks or whatever those are.”</p><p>“Negotiations?” Yerim’s smile was coming back. </p><p>“Those,” Jungeun laughed, “the way to and from there were nice.” She <em>wouldn’t</em> be explaining why here. “But the actual meetings weren’t anything I liked.” </p><p>“And you like the patrols?” </p><p>“A lot of the time, yeah,” Jungeun said. “But I,” she paused. </p><p>Yerim was already nodding. “You?” She wanted to know. Was there a part of her that thought Jungeun would get bored?</p><p>“Patrols, the other contracts too—they changed when Jinsoul came,” Jungeun explained. “There were a few changes when you came along too.” She didn’t wait for Yerim to ask what those were. “I always just settled on getting rid of the target.” She grimaced. </p><p>“We still do that.” </p><p>“Not always.” She couldn’t help but smile. “We look for the reasons they’re hunted, check to see who really could have another chance to do something better.” She wondered if Yerim knew. “I didn’t do that for a long time. With you two, it’s natural.” </p><p>Yerim frowned. “But you’re still the driving force behind a lot of that.” </p><p>Jungeun wanted to refute that. </p><p>“So much of what we do is because you’re the one trying your hardest to find ways we don’t have to fight.” Yerim tilted her head. “And you’re saying you do that because of us?” </p><p>“Jinsoul never liked it,” she said. “The violence, the killing.” She held her gaze. “Are you okay with just killing someone without knowing why?”</p><p>Yerim didn’t answer, but the look in her eyes was enough. </p><p>“I got too used to it,” Jungeun admitted. “I still am, but it’s always been better to do it the way we do it now.” </p><p>Yerim’s arms went around her waist then. </p><p>Jungeun was surprised. Was she supposed to be if they’d already hugged? It felt out of place after what she’d just said. </p><p>“Don’t start thinking that it was just Jinsoul, though,” Yerim said. “Sooyoung told me you were already trying to do things differently when you came here. Not always, but you liked healing spirit wounds from the start.” </p><p>She smiled at that. “And what else did Sooyoung say?” </p><p>“Is it okay that I asked around?” Yerim looked up at her. “They pretty much told me what I already knew, but still.” </p><p>“It’s fine,” Jungeun said. “They probably know me better than I do. Definitely better than some of my people before.” </p><p>She looked surprised then, but that faded. “We’re going there after this, right? Your old home?” </p><p>“You’re okay with that?” Jungeun asked. It was the first time Yerim’d see Jungeun’s people from before. </p><p>“Of course.” She gave her a look. “I need to see if anyone’ll tell me some stories.” She winked. </p><p>She pinched her arm. “I can always tell them not to.” </p><p>“I’m persuasive,” Yerim threw back. “I need to hear about the days where you tripped over your feet, or something.” </p><p>Jungeun laughed, hopefully quiet enough so that Jinsoul wouldn’t wake up. “Ask the right people, and they’ll tell you all about that.” Then she added, “I’m not telling you who.” </p><p>She just grinned back at her. “I’ll find out.”</p><p>It didn’t take long for Yerim to start getting tired enough to go to sleep. Jungeun had expected herself to fall asleep quickly too, with how draining the cold always was, but she wasn’t. </p><p>She quickly heated up some water, put in the leaves Jinsoul had brought, and waited for it to infuse into the water. All to stop getting sick. Apparently. </p><p>Jinsoul shifted then, a soft groan leaving her. Her hair fell across her face and Jungeun almost wanted to brush it away. </p><p>She turned her attention back to the tea instead and drank. </p><p>Even with the ice all around them, she felt comfortable here. She still looked to see if anyone was coming their way, or if there were spirits wanting to try their luck, but there weren’t any. </p><p>The ice had always been daunting, but she’d not needed to mind it so much today. She’d even had fun. She’d been in awe before at how endless it’d looked, but she’d never spent a comfortable evening beneath the skies. Now she had. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was honestly a treat to write. I love having more of Yerim in the story and it's been so nice to write out the 'origins' of oec. Lipsoul being on better terms has also been refreshing to write, even if there's some things we haven't quite resolved yet (and if you've read the next part, it still takes some time for some other things to resolve). </p><p>I'll be honest, this chapter could've been about 15k words. I've left the next part for another chapter, mostly because I'll have to connect some scenes I've already written. That chapter might come sooner than rather than later, but I can't make any promises. We'll both be seeing Jungeun's old home again, as well as the desert, so look forward to that! This's definitely one of the more light-hearted chapters and I can't promise it'll still be like that. If anything, they'll be like last chapter with a mix. </p><p> </p><p>This story as a whole has been wonderful to write and I'm so happy I decided to really dig into oec's 'background'. I'm still not sure how long it'll be, but it won't be as long as the other one (I'm 98% sure, ±0.5%). Still, thank you so much for reading this story like you have! </p><p>Would love to know your thoughts! I hope you're all doing well! See you next chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. It was quiet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Note: trigger warning for the death of a parent, which comes in the latter part of the chapter after "Some years passed".</p><p>______</p><p>Going to her old home with both Jinsoul and Yerim was strange, to say the least. She wondered if the stares would almost them, because they were almost inevitable here. Everyone knew who they were. They would all wanted to know more too. </p><p>“Want to camp outside or stay here?” she whispered. </p><p>Yerim looked at the houses, brow furrowed. “Here,” a small smile, “I’ve been wanting to see this place for a while.” </p><p>Jungeun looked to the other person beside her. </p><p>Jinsoul only shook her head. “Before you ask, I’m happy staying here as well.” </p><p>Jungeun smiled.</p><p>Once they reached the houses, the stares did come. There were warm greetings for the other two. </p><p>Jungeun led them to the place they usually had. Hopefully there'd be a third bed for Yerim. </p><p>When she pulled back the curtain, there was.  </p><p>“You two should sleep pretty soon,” Jungeun said, setting her bag down. </p><p>“You’re not going to?” Jinsoul lifted a brow. </p><p>“Have to tell them we’re not taking any contracts.” </p><p>The corner of her lip tugged up. </p><p>Jungeun realised then that she’d never been here and <em>not</em> taken a contract or two. </p><p>“Then we’ll see you soon,” Jinsoul said, the light smile still there. Did she know? Her eyes didn’t give away much. </p><p>Jungeun just nodded. “See you.” </p><p>______</p><p>Yerim was asleep in a matter of minutes. Jinsoul took the slow start of quiet snores to tip-toe outside.</p><p>It was late afternoon and people walked between the small houses and tents amicably. There was always something happening here. Jinsoul wondered what it was to make so many of them so energised. Was it the restless energy that needed to be channeled somewhere? Or just the constant bustling from place to place? </p><p>She took to walking around, nodding as people said hello to her. Some actually knew her name, even if she’d only briefly seen them over the years. </p><p>Jinsoul walked by little shops that had the produce of nearby farms or other mortal merchants. That was where a lot of the money went. Either that or weapons, maybe metal. </p><p>From what Jungeun had told her, there was actually a smith here who could shape metal to his will. Jinsoul had never met him, but she had seen someone whose clothes looked like they were made of thin sheets of metal. </p><p>She walked into the forest then, towards the stream nearby. It was near a smaller clearing where the sun still shone, but she sat in the shade. The cold there didn’t bother her anymore. The warmth of the sun and the day were almost stranger. </p><p>It wasn’t a surprise that she hadn’t seen Jungeun. She was either in the place where they held all their discussions, or somewhere else with her family. Either that, or she was with Reyna. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed the thought from her head. It wasn’t really any of her business where Jungeun was. </p><p>She leaned back against the tree instead, feeing her own fatigue coming again. Her head wasn’t hurting anymore. Drinking moonlight-infused water actually helped, but that pain had lasted longer than she'd thought it would. </p><p>Nuala had been surprisingly open to the new method of healing. It’d been the most expressive she’d been, almost in awe as she drank the water. They hadn’t used it extensively, mostly because Jinsoul still needed to learn how to use the moonlight purely in its physical form. </p><p>It wasn’t easy to use so much light and put in so much energy, but it was fascinating to see what else there was to learn. It was also exhausting. </p><p>“Can I sit here?” There it was: a voice that sounded like velvet. She hadn’t heard her coming. Maybe she should’ve been more watchful. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. She looked up, but regretted it. The sun and blue sky framed Reyna perfectly within the afternoon. Her bright green eyes were also graced by the sunlight, glittering like the sea did on a summer day.</p><p>She couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Jungeun usually saw her. She’d seen how they looked at each other, how a lot of the tenderness hadn't really faded over the years, even if the amount of time Jungeun spent with Reyna had. Then again, that was another thing where Jinsoul had to stamp out her curiosity.</p><p>“Jungeun’s been worried,” Reyna said. “Still from years ago, when those witches told her there was an attack planned here.” She shook her head. “Nothing’s happened. We’ve asked whoever’s been able to scry and they see nothing.” </p><p>“The future changes,” Jinsoul replied. She remembered when Jungeun had come back from that meeting. She also remembered how when Jungeun got scared, many others lost some of their confidence. It wasn’t hard to see how much people still looked up to her here. </p><p>Jungeun hadn’t really said it, but a part of Jinsoul wondered if she hadn’t found some of that faith in her suffocating. There was a similar feeling when people looked to healers as the ones who could heal any ailment. They could with most. Not all of them. </p><p>“Right,” Reyna chuckled, “you’ve got seers.”</p><p>“And I know you can’t just rely on them,” Jinsoul said. “Is there anyone where things are really strained? Or places where they could get complicated?”</p><p>“‘Course we have.” She frowned slightly. “And there’s always places we’re not loved. You know that better than I do.” </p><p>It wasn’t said with malice, but there was still bite behind it. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away, focusing instead on the sky. There were some clouds in the distance. She’d welcome the rain if it came. Jungeun didn’t like the rain much, but the flames she made didn’t get drowned out by it (of course, she’d trained for that too). </p><p>“But Jungeun doesn’t get worried about someone attacking her,” Jinsoul said. “And she wouldn’t take a baseless threat here so seriously.” Even if it’d been years, Jungeun’s visits home had been frequent. They hadn’t really needed to stop here on their journey, but Jungeun had needed to. She still sent messages to check, while also asking Yeri to scry whenever she could. No matter how many times there’d been nothing, Jungeun still worried. </p><p>Reyna laughed then. “She only ever worries about the rest.” There was a gust of warm air that circled them, before fading again. “You should’ve seen that by now. She’d try to melt a needle if it was thrown at us and ignore a sword sent at her back.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but wince at the thought. </p><p>“You knew that,” Reyna nodded, “good.” It could’ve been condescending, but Jinsoul didn’t think it was. Reyna might’ve had a bit of a superiority complex, but there were many elves, including Astra and Arcsa, who shared that. “But you don’t know her like some of us do.” <em>Like I do</em>, was what the elf clearly wanted to say. </p><p>She thought of what it would’ve been like to know Jungeun from the beginning. To know more of what’d happened to her, to have been there while it had happened—to see how she’d had to adjust to the role they’d given her. </p><p>“I don’t.” Jinsoul shook her head. “And I’m glad.” </p><p>Reyna frowned. </p><p>There was so much Jinsoul wanted to say, but she held back. The last thing she wanted to do was risk insulting Reyna. She was still someone Jungeun very clearly loved and she’d stayed that for a reason. </p><p>“Jungeun said she won’t take any other contract here,” Reyna said. She was looking at her, as if expecting her to react to that. “She’s never left this camp without something she’d have to do.”</p><p>Jinsoul bit back that ‘something she’d have to do’ almost always meant bloodshed. “She snuck out sometimes,” she said instead. </p><p>“Even then.” A small smile appeared. “There’d be something she’d do. So that time away wasn’t lost.”</p><p>Jinsoul forced down the wave of revulsion that threatened to come then. The perspective was so skewed. Thea didn’t have that and neither did Jungeun. She knew there were others here like that, but Reyna wasn’t one of them. </p><p>“But you really went to the south?” Reyna asked. “Just to go there?”</p><p>“Yerim wanted to see it,” Jinsoul said, the memory of Yerim’s enthusiasm making her smile. A few other memories also came to mind. “So did I.” </p><p>She looked confused at that. “Just so you could see what it was like there?” </p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. Would Jungeun have not done that before? With how open she was to exploring, to seeing whatever else the world had to offer, Jinsoul would’ve thought that’d have hardly been a surprise. </p><p>“She used to tell me it was too dangerous,” Reyna said quietly. “That she couldn’t fight if we were attacked.” </p><p>“Did she have the light then?” Jinsoul chose not to mention that being on the ice meant that both Jungeun and Yerim could be protected. Easily. </p><p>“Good point.” She didn’t look so convinced. </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to ask why she was here. The last time Reyna had really spoken to her was to see what had changed Jungeun, because she’d healed someone. Did she want to know if something had happened, because Jungeun had finally <em>not</em> taken up a new job on her visit here? Jinsoul was almost certain that Jungeun would take another on the way back, have them send something when she was at home again, or something like it. </p><p>“What do you think of the contracts?” Reyna asked. “Honestly.”</p><p>It felt like a question she had to be careful with. </p><p>“Sometimes we have to do them,” Jinsoul admitted. “But they don’t have to end in someone dying.”</p><p>“Like the blood elves?” Reyna’s brow rose. “The newborn vampires?” A pause. “Should I go on?” </p><p>Jinsoul felt a knot in her stomach form. “Is it a problem if they're alive?” </p><p>“No.” Reyna leaned back, still regarding her. “But it all happened with you. Including the healing.” </p><p>“Because she saw how it could work,” Jinsoul said. “That it wasn’t something difficult.” <em>That it was something she could do</em>, she added in her head. </p><p>She shrugged once. “I’m only saying this as someone who tried to change her,” she said. Her eyes hadn’t changed, but her voice had. “It’ll never work.” </p><p>“Change her?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>Reyna gave her a pointed look. “I know you how you felt about her at first.” </p><p>Jinsoul held her gaze. </p><p>“I wanted her to get better,” Reyna said. “The first times she fought, she changed.” Her gaze fell. “She used to laugh the loudest, you know. When things were hard, she wouldn’t pull away. She’d stay.” There was a small smile on her face, but it was sad. </p><p>“She still laughs.” Jinsoul shook her head. “Maybe she changed, but she’s still strong enough to get through so much and come back.” </p><p>“She won’t stop,” Reyna began, “I know you want her to, but that isn’t her.”</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to stop from the beginning.</em>
</p><p>“I’ve never told her to stop,” Jinsoul retorted. Then it hit her. “I’m not trying to change her,” she said. “And I’m not saying she hasn’t changed, but any of that change was because of her. Not me.” </p><p>Wasn’t it obvious? If Jungeun was stubborn enough not to let Reyna of all people push her to some sort of change, how was Jinsoul going to make a difference? She didn’t even want to. She wished she could’ve changed what’d happened to Jungeun before, but that past was sealed. </p><p>Jungeun also hadn’t changed much from the day she’d met her. She was still open, patient, and determined to help, even if that idea of helping had been skewed over the years. </p><p>“So you’re just accepting what she’s done?” Reyna asked. She was trying to find an answer for a question Jinsoul couldn’t figure out. </p><p>“No,” she said. “Jungeun never did either.” </p><p>“And you think that’s a good thing?” Reyna scoffed. “She can barely live with herself.”</p><p>“You’re putting words in my mouth.” Jinsoul turned to face her properly. “And she’s been living with herself this entire time. It hasn’t made her happy, but she still does.”</p><p>“You didn’t see her at her worst,” she said quietly. </p><p>“I didn’t have to.” </p><p>Reyna’s eyes narrowed when she looked up. </p><p>“Just because you saw her break doesn’t mean she didn’t find those pieces again,” Jinsoul said. “None of that means she’s weak.” </p><p>“I never said—”</p><p>“Everyone knows she’s one of the strongest of our kind,” Jinsoul continued. “But no one really knows how all of that affected her.” She wondered if she should even say the next part. She checked to see if anyone had followed to eavesdrop. No one had. “You think she’s broken.” <em>And that you can fix her</em>. Or she’d believed that once. Jinsoul still didn’t know which it was. </p><p>Reyna pushed to her feet. </p><p>She’d said the wrong thing, found a wound—something. </p><p>“Broken or not,” Reyna swallowed once, “you come close to seeing those pieces and she’ll pull away.” Her gaze softened, but it revealed a deeper sadness than before. “She does that with everyone.” A pause. “Even me.”</p><p>When she left, there was only the careful stutter of the stream. </p><p>______</p><p>“You look happier,” Thea said. </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but look over at that. “I was happy before.” </p><p>“Not really.” Her mother reached over and took her hand. “Your smile‘s stronger now.” </p><p>She didn’t know what to say to that. She’d been happy before. Maybe only in waves, but she’d been happy. </p><p>“I’m a little offended,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>She squeezed her hand. “All I meant was that the new state of things seems better than before,” she said. “Would Yerim and Jinsoul have anything to do with that?” </p><p>Jungeun had to smile. “A lot,” she said. “Not being the only one,” she thought of how it’d been when things with Jinsoul had started to normalise, “that’s been one of the best things that’s happened since the light shifted.” </p><p>Her mother’s eyes practically glowed then. It wasn’t something Jungeun was used to seeing. </p><p>And then arms went around her, tightly gripping her. “I’m so glad the moon chose them then,” she whispered. </p><p>Jungeun felt herself relax. “I am too.” Then she pulled away, looking up at her. “Any word from the witches?”</p><p>Thea’s expression didn’t falter. “Nothing, which's better than hearing from them.” She ran a hand through Jungeun’s hair. “Don’t start worrying about me.” </p><p>“But—”</p><p>“There’s the chance that you could be hunted almost every day,” Thea said. “If you tell me not to be worried, then I can certainly say the same thing to you.” An edge of chastisement had crept into her voice and gaze. </p><p>Jungeun smiled. </p><p>“And you need to focus on enjoying your trips,” her mother went on. “Jinsoul’s also the ones keeping your colds from getting terrible, isn’t she?” </p><p>Her face warmed at the thought. “Yes?”</p><p>“Well you’re not sick now, so that’s proof enough.” Thea laughed. “I’m glad I was right about her then.” </p><p>Jungeun frowned at that. “Then?”</p><p>“Your father was ready to dismiss her completely,” Thea said. “So I’d gone around to see a bit more about who she actually was.” </p><p>“Where’d you go?” Jungeun almost wished she was hearing things, not listening to her mother admitting she’d done <em>research</em> on Jinsoul. </p><p>“Briefly to the sea where they were. I think I met her mother, if the resemblance I spotted was right.” Her smile grew. “And then I looked to some of the people she’d healed. Some healers can have quite the pride in them.” She shrugged. “And even though she has some of that, there’s more care than hubris there.” </p><p>“A lot more,” Jungeun said. “And whatever you learned then, I think I probably know a good amount of it now.” She liked to think she knew Jinsoul enough after these years. Definitely not everything, but she didn’t need to know a lot of it. If she did, then it’d be Jinsoul who’d tell her. </p><p>To an extent, that same logic applied to Yerim too. </p><p>“Probably,” her mother echoed. There was a look that Jungeun wasn’t all that fond of. It was a combination of teasing and smugness that Thea tended to use when she was about to say ‘everything’ she knew. </p><p>“I don’t need to hear it!” Jungeun quickened her pace a bit. She could feel her ears burning a bit more than before. </p><p>Thea only laughed. That look was still there. </p><p>Jungeun ignored it. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul always likened drinking to how it felt to be underwater. At least to people who didn’t feel at home under the surface. </p><p>She felt disoriented, too light on her feet. </p><p>“This’s strong,” Yerim said, looking at her glass. </p><p>“Should I drink the rest?” Jinsoul asked. “You really don’t have to keep up with the others.” </p><p>“Or you.” Yerim handed her the drink. “But I’d think there’s some magical reason why you can handle more than me.” </p><p>“Or it’s age.” Jinsoul winked. “And practice.”</p><p>“I think Jungeun’s the one with practice.” Yerim snickered, looking over the others around them. “She’s been in at least two contests and I think they just gave her something stronger.”</p><p>She followed her gaze, only to want to look away again. </p><p>Reyna lingered at Jungeun’s side, who was currently talking about something she couldn’t make out over the chorus of singing and conversation. Her hands moved wildly and her red eyes were bright in the fires around them. </p><p>One of the things Jungeun was also looked to for was hanging flames in the sky, the colours ranging from yellow to red, and then blue or green. There was little heat from them too. </p><p>They hadn’t faltered during dinner, nor when Jungeun had been dancing with her mother, laughter following both of them the entire time. They weren't showing any signs of fading now either. </p><p>Then there was laughter from the group around the two. Reyna was grinning, leaning into Jungeun’s side as they both chuckled. They were telling a story of theirs. </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. </p><p>Yerim’s eyes were on her. “Can you sing?” </p><p>Jinsoul blinked once. “Sing?” </p><p>“Jungeun can,” she said. “She doesn’t really, but Pollux told me she does when she’s way in over her head, she’ll burst into either a folk song from those western islands, or some other thing.” She smiled. “But I’m not sure how far into the drink she has to go for that.”</p><p>“She hums sometimes,” Jinsoul replied. “I don’t recognise most of the melodies.”</p><p>“But the ones you do know,” Yerim lifted a brow, “you could sing them?”</p><p>She nudged her side. “Why the sudden interest in my voice?”</p><p>“Call it a feeling,” she said simply. “Hyunjin’s told me that the Astra sometimes just like to sing or a few learn a mortal instrument.” She pulled her to the side a bit. “My people did the same.” </p><p>“So did we.” Jinsoul smiled. Even if it lacked the significance it seemed to have for a lot of mortals, music still had its place among most people, including fairies and elves. The Arcsa below the sea weren’t exempt from that, but those songs tended to be something you had to grow up with. “And yes, I can sing, including tunes that whales really like.” </p><p>Yerim started laughing. “Does that include mating calls?”</p><p>Jinsoul gasped. “No!” She gently pushed her. “Learning anything like that’d be terrible.”</p><p>“You’re telling me no one’s done that before?”</p><p>“They have,” Jinsoul grimaced, “but it’s disrespectful.” </p><p>Yerim looked at her for a long moment. Then she laughed again. “I’m sorry,” she grabbed her arm, “I’m really sorry—I know it’s serious, but,” she gasped, “you’re talking about mating calls.”</p><p>“Which’re important.”</p><p>She giggled, eyes glowing. “I know,” she said. “Doesn’t mean it’s not still hilarious.” </p><p>Jinsoul sighed, but she took the hand holding her arm, squeezing it. </p><p>Yerim leaned her head on her shoulder then. “Aren’t you tired?”</p><p>“It’s night time.” </p><p>“But still,” she nudged her side, “you’ve been working.”</p><p>“It’ll probably come later,” Jinsoul replied. “Do you want to go to bed?” </p><p>“I’ll find my way back,” Yerim said. “You should socialise.” </p><p>"I'm social." She frowned at her. “Why, do you think I'm not?” </p><p>“Well," Yerim shrugged, "a lot of people’ve been looking over at you." She patted her arm. "And I think that even after a few years, you probably don’t know their names.”</p><p><em>I never needed to</em>, Jinsoul thought as Yerim weaved through the people, disappearing from view. </p><p>It hadn’t rained. Jinsoul would have to ask Jungeun if there was someone who could control the weather, or some part of it. She wondered if that same person would’ve tried to keep the rain and snow away for Jungeun. </p><p>Probably not, if Jungeun was stubborn enough to fight when her breathing started getting difficult. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t look to see where Jungeun was, or anyone else. </p><p>She started doing something she hadn’t done in a <em>very</em> long time: small talk. </p><p>There was a shorter elf named Hitomi, but once she started talking, you knew she wasn’t nearly as young as she looked. </p><p>“After all this time, it feels weird to say,” Hitomi began, “but I still miss her being around.” She sighed. “I mean, you know how she is.”</p><p>Jinsoul just nodded. </p><p>“She can be the life of a night like this when she wants to,” Hitomi waved at the sky, “I mean, who else do you know can do this without even thinking much of it?”</p><p>“Was it another training session?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Not this time!” Hitomi grinned. “But we made it a challenge. Each of us would have to use our magic somehow, then we’d see how distracted we could get, or,” she lifted her drink up, “you know—and whoever failed first had to finish their drink, then run to get more. Sometimes into the next town.” </p><p>“So she can do this,” Jinsoul looked at the many flames above them, “because of a drinking game.”</p><p>“It was the best kind of training! No one got hurt.” A pause. “Usually.”</p><p>Jinsoul laughed. “We had something similar, only ours was to see how close we could get to the Arcsan towns below the surface.”</p><p>Hitomi’s brow shot up. “And how’d you know if it worked?”</p><p>“We shaved off a bit of fluorescent pearl,” Jinsoul said. “If you got caught, they launched you out of the ocean.” </p><p>She laughed. “Sounds embarrassing.” </p><p>“It was,” Jinsoul admitted. “But nothing compared to when they started sending the creatures after us.” </p><p>Hitomi’s eyes widened. “And <em>that</em> sounds terrifying.” </p><p>“Jungeun thought that too.”</p><p>She smiled then. “Oh yeah, and you showed her a whale, didn’t you?” </p><p>Jinsoul felt taken aback for a second. She nodded. </p><p>“She’s actually loves going to the ocean now, you know,” Hitomi said. The excitement in her voice was like Yerim’s when she was passionate about something. “When she was with us, you’d have had to tie her up to get her anywhere <em>close</em>.” She laughed once. “I’m serious! She told us to drag her over, but she ended up burning the ropes off.” </p><p>Jinsoul remembered the fear in Jungeun’s eyes that night. </p><p>“But you got her there,” Hitomi’s laugh was a bit softer now, “<em>in</em> the water.” </p><p>Briefly, Jinsoul wondered why Reyna had never mentioned that. She must’ve heard about it. Wasn’t she closer to Jungeun than Hitomi was? </p><p>“And Antarctica too.” </p><p>“She talked about the lights in the sky,” Jinsoul said. “We both wanted to see it.”</p><p>“It wasn’t some kind of challenge?” Hitomi asked, her smile fading. “None of you were trying to test your limits? And Jungeun wasn’t testing out how she could handle ice water?”</p><p>“Freezing waters would be way too dangerous,” she said immediately. “Even if she’d wanted to try it, there’s no way we would’ve let that happen.” Luckily, the thought hadn’t seemed to cross Jungeun’s mind. </p><p>Hitomi brightened then. “So it was just a little outing then?” </p><p>Jinsoul fought the urge to frown. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Good,” Hitomi said. “That’s really good.” </p><p>She didn’t hide her confusion this time. </p><p>Hitomi chuckled. “Jungeun’s never really gone somewhere without the added bonus of learning something from it, or,” she glanced around, “temporarily exiling herself.” She looked back at her. “The rest was to get training from whoever’d give her some, or push some limits you don’t need pushing.” </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but be surprised. She hadn’t expected this kind of an attitude. Not from someone who seemed to have gone along with some of the fighting herself. “Is this really the first time she’s come here without taking a contract?”</p><p>She nodded. “I mean, she will next time, but it’s still a first.” Then she took a sip of her drink. “But I have to say, I’m not exactly surprised?”</p><p>Jinsoul stared at her. “You’re not?” How could Hitomi act so nonchalantly when Reyna was acting as if it was a massive change?</p><p>“Jungeun’s never said a bad word about you,” Hitomi said, smiling. “I think all your best traits rubbed off on her.” Then she laughed, but it was only for a second. “Don’t look like that. You spent more than a decade with her.” She patted her arm. “I bet you got something from her too.” With a final wink, she said goodbye and went over to a few others. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as the celebrations went on, with varying degrees of refinement left. It was always like that. Jinsoul almost wished there could be some sort of game that she could see happening. She’d go join it, no matter who else was there. </p><p>But she was also tired. The walking had been long and she still hadn’t completely worn off the fatigue that’d come from the healing. </p><p>Jinsoul closed her eyes, looking for the stream in the distance. She drew some water from it. She made sure to make it rise into the air so that no one would be struck by it. </p><p>And then a flame fizzled out as the water sank to rest in the space in front of her. She didn’t look around to see if someone had seen it. They knew what her abilities were. </p><p>Jinsoul drank from it, the coolness of it soothing. It also gave her a bit more clarity. It also took away a bit of the tiredness. </p><p>Someone was walking over. She recognised their steps and relaxed slightly. She didn’t want to go through any more ‘small talk’. </p><p>“Soul? Everything alright?” Jungeun was smiling, but concern quickly appeared in her eyes. When she wanted to, she could show every little emotion through her expression. </p><p>Jinsoul forced herself to look away. “I’m fine.”</p><p>Jungeun held out a hand. “Should we go to the river? A pond? Whatever we find first?” </p><p>Her heart warmed at the thought. “I’m fine,” she repeated, patting her arm once. “It’s been a long time since I’ve tried celebrating for no reason.” She looked to Jungeun’s side or behind her, but she didn’t see anyone. “Where’s Reyna?”</p><p>Jungeun’s brow furrowed. “Somewhere?” Then she looked up. “You took out a fireball.” She waved at the sky. “Are they getting too hot?”</p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. “I just can’t aim.”</p><p>She laughed softly. “I’ve seen you aim perfectly fine.” </p><p>“Not when I’m tipsy.” </p><p>“You’re tipsy?” Jungeun asked. “You don’t look it.”</p><p>“Neither do you.” </p><p>“I’ve got a good tolerance,” she replied, “something about being able to digest the alcohol fast?” She looked at Jinsoul as if she’d know the answer. </p><p>“I think that’s outside of what I know,” Jinsoul said. “But if you feel fine, then you can handle a lot more than I can.” </p><p>Jungeun was quiet for a few seconds. “Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere else?” She didn’t look worried, but there was something close to it. </p><p>“Maybe back to bed,” Jinsoul chuckled, “I had a burst of energy, but now it’s gone.” </p><p>Jungeun smiled then. “Can I walk with you then?” </p><p>She nodded, before she started walking. </p><p>“I’ve heard you sing?” Jinsoul narrowly avoided someone stumbling into her path. He gave her an energetic apology and a broad grin in Jungeun’s direction, joined with a wink.  </p><p>“He’s got a terrible tolerance,” Jungeun whispered, leaning over. “But he turns into a surprisingly affectionate person at parties.” </p><p>“Including with you?” Jinsoul wondered if there was more to that. Some of those here looked at Jungeun with nothing short of desire. There was little wonder why, but Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder if they’d been close enough to fulfil that. </p><p>“Once—wait actually twice.” She chuckled slightly. “But that was a <em>long</em> time ago.” She grimaced. “And we were both pretty inexperienced the first time.”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t know what to say to that. At all. </p><p>“Too much information, isn’t it?” Jungeun laughed again. It wasn’t the loud one, but it was on its way there. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a few more eyes on them then. They went to Jungeun first, then Jinsoul. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t really say much more after that. She only commented quietly on the most intoxicated of revellers, telling her which to watch out for when the wine or soju came into the mix, as well as those who’d make for the best of company, mostly because they had the best of stories. </p><p>Jinsoul noted that most of those people tended to either be venders she’d seen before, or people with a specific craft. Almost none of the people Jungeun spoke extremely highly of were the warriors. Those were easier to pick out, either through their build, clothes, or the weapons they still had strapped to them. </p><p>She also spotted a blade on Jungeun’s ankle. The only weapon she had, but even she still felt like she had to have one with her. Even if her flames and the moonlight was more than enough. </p><p>Was that paranoia? Habit? Or something else?</p><p>“How is it?” Jungeun asked. “Being here.” She waved at the houses. “It’s a lot more like an actual town than a camp.”</p><p>“I like it,” Jinsoul admitted. “The way there’s things that’re almost shops is nice.” </p><p>There was a smile on Jungeun’s face. It looked proud, before a hint of hesitance came. “And the part where everyone’s staring at you? Are they asking you a lot too?”</p><p>“Too?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>“I get asked about you, now Yerim too, all the time,” she said. “It’s almost worse than the Astra.” </p><p>“Almost,” Jinsoul laughed, “as long as we don’t get the questions, it’s fine isn’t it?” She nudged Jungeun’s side. </p><p>Jungeun was still smiling. “You don’t even know what I tell them.” </p><p>Hitomi’s words came back to her, as well as Thea’s. Even if they’d both known how Jinsoul had treated her at first. “I have an idea.” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes went to the ground then. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back, only to see that the flames were still in place. “And you can really leave those up without dwelling on it?”</p><p>“More or less,” Jungeun said, turning around as well. She looked a bit relieved at the change of subject. “It’s like keeping the fire from burning. It’s both a reflex, and something else in my magic I couldn’t really explain.” </p><p>She had to smile at that. “So we’ll leave it at that?”</p><p>Jungeun returned it. “We will.” Then she straightened slightly. “Did Yerim go sleep?”</p><p>“Yep,” Jinsoul said. “And I think I’ll be joining her soon.” She started walking in the direction. “I know the way too, so you can go back. I think Reyna’s waiting for you.” </p><p>“Reyna?” Jungeun repeated. She was still walking with her. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly turned away then. She wasn’t drunk, but she was saying too much too easily. </p><p>“Did she say something to you?” A small frown appeared. </p><p>The words brought a wave of everything Reyna had said, of the sadness she’d seen in her eyes too. There‘d also been a distinct longing there. </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Jungeun looked even more confused. </p><p>“It’s nothing to worry about,” she told her. “Goodnight, Jungeun.” She turned away. </p><p>“Wait,” Jungeun caught her hand, “is something wrong?” They both came to a stop. “Did I do something?” There was already too much uncertainty there, as if she'd expected it. </p><p>Something in her chest twisted. “Nothing,” Jinsoul promised. </p><p>“Really.” Her brow furrowed. “You can tell me.” </p><p>“And I would,” Jinsoul told her. </p><p>Jungeun chuckled then. “Right.” </p><p>“But I’m not sure if there’ll be a lot of that. Not anymore.” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes went wide. </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “I meant that too.” </p><p>The corners of her lip slowly rose. </p><p>It was a beautiful smile, a lot gentler than normal.</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t think I’d ever see that.</em>
</p><p>Jinsoul felt a pang of guilt then. Reyna had put so much weight on the idea that Jungeun had changed the most in these last years when it’d been Jinsoul. </p><p><em>You smiling at me</em>. </p><p>When they’d met, Jungeun had been patient. She’d never snapped when Jinsoul had thrown biting words her way, but that didn’t meant they hadn’t hurt. </p><p>“Jinsoul?” Jungeun’s voice drew her from her thoughts. “You’re tireder then I thought.” She was still smiling. “Or were you thinking about something?” </p><p>Jinsoul wondered if she was supposed to say it, or if that was something Jungeun even wanted to hear. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at her, brow already starting to furrow. In moments like these, she barely hid what she was thinking. </p><p>“You’re one of the strongest people I know,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Surprise filled her expression. Then she laughed. “There’s a reason for that,” she said. “Training—a lot of it—magic, it’s all—”</p><p>“I didn’t mean that,” she cut her off.</p><p>Jungeun looked confused, most likely thinking this was just what Jinsoul mumbled about when she’d drunk something. </p><p>“I meant here.” Jinsoul lifted a hand to Jungeun’s face, letting her fingers lightly trace her temple. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes had widened again, but she wasn’t pulling away. </p><p>“I wish you didn’t have to be.” Jinsoul brushed a thumb over her skin. It was warm to the touch. “But you are.”</p><p>Jungeun was still looking at her, eyes their bright red, full of fire. They were still open, giving away the confusion, but also the warmth they so often held. </p><p>Underneath the night sky, away from the canopy of flames, this was the Jungeun she’d come to know through walks in the forest and nights spent beside the beach. This was the Jungeun she’d seen on the ice. </p><p>“I’m not sure if that’s strength,” Jungeun said quietly. “It’s time.” </p><p>Jinsoul moved some hair away from her face.  She felt Jungeun lean into her hand. </p><p>She felt the flicker of an ache return. She took a deep breath. “There was something that helped you get through that time.” </p><p>Jungeun looked at her for a long moment. Her eyes had softened to something Jinsoul should’ve been able to read, but she couldn’t. </p><p>“Why’re you saying that?” </p><p>Many reasons came to mind. Jinsoul didn’t let most come to mind. “I wanted you to know.” </p><p>“Know what?” Jungeun was searching her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>You’re not broken. You’re a good person. </em>
</p><p>“That you’re someone I respect,” Jinsoul said. “A lot more than even some of the people I’ve known longer, or should look up to.” </p><p>She was still looking at her, stunned. Normally, Jungeun would’ve looked away at this point. Why wasn’t she? </p><p>“You mean that?” Jungeun asked, her voice hushed. </p><p>“You don’t think I do?” </p><p>“I believe you,” Jungeun said. “But,” she trailed off. </p><p>Jinsoul reached for Jungeun’s hand then. “If it’s any help, from where I’m standing, it’s not that surprising.” </p><p>Her eyes fell to their hands. The confusion was still there, but something else in her expression thawed even further. </p><p>The ache in her chest strengthened. It wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t something she could just ignore. She swallowed once, wondering if that would displace it. </p><p>Jungeun looked up then. Her eyes were shining. “It is for me.”</p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand. <em>I know</em>, she thought. “Goodnight, Jungeun.” The ache subsided a bit then. </p><p>Her lip twitched upwards at that. “Sleep well.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost didn’t want to let go, but she did. The dull pressure in her chest remained.</p><p>______</p><p>“You should’ve told me I was being stupid,” Jinsoul growled. She wiped away the next wave of sweat, drawing out the water first, before leaving whatever was left to fall to the ground. She put it back on her skin and cooled it. "This heat was what inspired the mortals' view of hell." </p><p>“I didn’t think it was stupid,” Jungeun replied. She was smiling brightly, holding out a waterskin for Yerim. She was carrying several in her pack. <em>We have to be prepared</em>. </p><p>“Of course you wouldn’t,” Yerim muttered. “This’s comfy for you.” She drank from her skin as well. </p><p>“But my skin does feel a bit itchy.”</p><p>Yerim and Jinsoul both exchanged a look. Then they pushed her to the ground, tickling her sides. </p><p>Jungeun’s laughter was loud and unrestrained. Even with the unrelenting heat, Jinsoul managed a smile. </p><p>Yerim stood, complaining that the sand was too hot on her knees, before she had a long drink of water. Jinsoul stayed at Jungeun’s side, sprinkling sand into her hair. </p><p>“This wasn’t my idea,” Jungeun said. “I’d just like to make that clear.” </p><p>Jinsoul pulled her back up. “You should’ve warned me a bit better.” </p><p>“It’s a desert!” Jungeun waved a hand. “Almost no water unless it’s in the plants.” She cocked a brow. “What kind of warning did you need?”</p><p>“Your type of thinking is something I should never have.” She looked out at the wide expanses of sand. It was almost like the ocean in that it didn’t seem to have an end. Even though her feet weren’t burning anymore, she knew that the sand was boiling to the touch. It was also endless. She wondered how people without their abilities managed, or if they did at all. She had a newfound respect for any mortal who managed to survive this. </p><p>Jungeun had taken most of the heat away from their path, but she hadn’t cooled the air. A part of Jinsoul wondered if she was trying to get them used to it. </p><p>“Your hair’s still down.”</p><p>“What?” Jinsoul frowned at her. </p><p>Jungeun was looking at the top of her head. “Here.” She grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. “Can I put it up?” She moved some lengths of hair back over her shoulders. </p><p>Jinsoul fought a shiver when Jungeun’s fingers brushed her neck. “Sure.”</p><p>She gathered her hair up. Jinsoul heard a brief tearing sound, before her hair was gathered at the top of her head. </p><p>“Better?” Jungeun was missing a part of her sleeve. </p><p>“Not sure yet.” </p><p>“You look it.” Jungeun patted her arm once, before picking up her pack. “Let’s keep going? There might be fresh water in a few hours. I think I remember there being a stream, unless it’s dried out.” </p><p>“Don’t even <em>joke</em> about that,” Yerim gave her a sharp look, “not all of us have endless patience.” She looked to Jinsoul. “You’re taking the lead, so please look for it.” </p><p>Jinsoul grimaced. “Jungeun was right this time. It’s a few hours that way.”</p><p>Yerim groaned, while Jungeun grinned. </p><p>______</p><p>The desert was cold at night. Freezing almost. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t know what made that cold different from what was in the north, but her fire burned as brightly as it did normally, if not a bit more. </p><p>She let the flames dance in the air, changing the colour of some portions, before guiding the sparks higher into the night sky. Except for the wind and the crackling fire, there was almost complete silence here. </p><p>Jinsoul and Yerim’s light breathing was also there, but it was a reminder that she hadn’t come here alone. That wasn’t normal for her. All of the places she’d gone, whether it be loud or silent, cold or freezing, beautiful or terrifying, she’d been alone. </p><p>And two people were with her now. </p><p>“Why’re you still awake?” Jinsoul’s voice sounded groggy. “We’re walking all day tomorrow.” </p><p>“I’m not tired,” Jungeun replied. “Might be the desert.”</p><p>“We were on an ice cap and I was still tired,” Jinsoul said, pushing herself up into a sitting position. “And we’ve been by the ocean a few times, and I slept by it too.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s the heat?” She shrugged. “I always took a little while to sleep after a day in the sun.”</p><p>“I guess you’re right.” Jinsoul had moved to sit at her side now. “I always feel energised after I’ve been in the water.” </p><p>Jungeun hummed once. She kept her eyes on the rolling hills of sand. </p><p>Jinsoul’s words were still in her head. </p><p><em>You’re one of the strongest people I know</em>. </p><p>It’d been said with so much conviction. Denying it had almost been difficult, even if she didn’t believe the words themselves. </p><p>“It’s beautiful here too,” Jinsoul said. “Quiet.” </p><p>“That’s one of the reasons I love it,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>“And the rest?” She’d turned her head. </p><p>Jungeun almost did too, but she didn’t know if she’d look away again. </p><p>The moon illuminated the sands, making them grey mixed in blue, so very different to the varying shades of yellow and gold during the day. </p><p>“It looks endless,” Jungeun said. “I could go anywhere and still feel like I’m in the middle of it.” </p><p>“And if you get lost?” </p><p>“All the better.” </p><p>Jinsoul shifted again and Jungeun knew she had to look now. </p><p>Jinsoul’s eyes were slowly glittering, as if even the light within them was tired. “You’d want to get lost in a desert?”</p><p>Jungeun smiled. “I can survive a lot longer in the heat than I can the cold.” </p><p>She huffed softly. “Right, the heat’s comfortable for you.” </p><p>“That,” Jungeun started, “and I just like it here.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled slightly. Without moonlight, Jinsoul's skin had a slight blue sheen like the desert did. “What’s your favourite part?”</p><p>“There’s pretty much only sand and the sky,” Jungeun said. “I can see just about everything, even if it’s leagues away, and there’s almost never a cloud in sight.” </p><p>“You really don’t like the rain, do you?” She looked like she was close to laughing. </p><p>“It’s uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Sweating is uncomfortable too,” Jinsoul said. “And you’re fine with that.”</p><p>“That’s different,” Jungeun chuckled, “sweat cools you off a little. Rain skips straight over that to being cold.”</p><p>“So when there’s a storm?” </p><p>“I hate them.”</p><p>Jinsoul’s smile grew. “And summer rains?”</p><p>“They’re nice.” </p><p>A soft laugh. </p><p>“So you like the rain,” Jinsoul said, her eyes still sparkling. “You just don’t like being cold.” </p><p>“Not many do, I don’t think.”</p><p>“But I like wearing warm clothes, drinking hot drinks.” She laughed again. “Sitting by a fire.” Jinsoul’s arm brushed hers. </p><p>Jungeun wished she wasn’t so aware of it, but she was. </p><p>“And when it’s warm, I like going swimming.” </p><p>“You swim all year round,” Jungeun said. </p><p>“But I make the water warmer,” Jinsoul countered. “I don’t really like being cold either.” Then she looked at the desert. </p><p>Jungeun felt slightly disappointed that she’d looked away first. </p><p>“Do you like it like this?” Jinsoul asked. “At night, when it’s cold?”</p><p>“I do,” Jungeun said. “I like the stars.” </p><p>“And the moon?” </p><p>Jungeun laughed. “That’s a given, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Doesn’t always have to be.” </p><p>Jungeun could only nod. She’d known a few people who’d almost hated their element. She had in the beginning too. </p><p>Like many things, you learned to either accept it, love it, or simply cherish it. She’d known a lightning wielder who’d said she simply respected the magic. She’d never talked about controlling it, which was where Jungeun had disagreed with her. Still, it’d helped to come to terms with her magic by simply learning to respect it. </p><p>There was a small nudge to her side. “Want me to take over watch now?” </p><p>Jungeun pushed back. “I’m not tired enough to sleep yet.” </p><p>“What about relaxing?” </p><p>“I’m very relaxed,” Jungeun said. “I think that’s actually why I’m not sleeping.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her then. “Because you’re relaxed?” Confusion flickered across her features.</p><p>“If I’m asleep, I miss that feeling.” </p><p>It was quiet for a few seconds. Jungeun was used to those silences by now. </p><p>Jinsoul’s eyes were going from the sand, to the sky, to Jungeun, and back to the sand. Her brow had furrowed, but now it slowly relaxed again. Then she nodded. </p><p>“Do you like healing for the Astra?” Jungeun asked. She wanted to ask about the headaches, but she held back from that. </p><p>Her brow arched up. “Most of the time,” she tilted her head, still thinking, “it’s like my life before, but also not really.” </p><p>“Is it because of the light?” </p><p>“It’s because I’m not the lead healer,” Jinsoul said. “They turn to Nuala when there’s a problem, and I’m still learning from her.” She smiled. “It’s nice.”</p><p>Jungeun wondered what sort of responsibilities Jinsoul had had in the past. Everything she’d have needed to be aware of and account for. She knew of some of it, but mostly just the different feats of Jinsoul’s. They’d talked about some of it, but only briefly. </p><p>“And I have the time to be away like this,” Jinsoul continued. “Be somewhere I don’t have to think about what I’ll come back to.” </p><p>“Did they not let you go before?” </p><p>“They did.” Jinsoul pursed her lips. “I didn’t.”</p><p>It took her a little too long to understand what that meant. Then she did. It made sense too. Jinsoul wouldn’t have wanted to go somewhere else, because she’d have been too worried that someone would need her. </p><p>“And now you do?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>She nodded. “Nuala was also pushing me to take a break,” she chuckled, “she barely does that herself, but she can make everyone else do it.” </p><p>Jungeun felt herself start to smile. “Is that what you did too?”</p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “Sort of, but most of our breaks just included swimming.” She looked around the desert then. “And that was always energising.” </p><p>She watched as the fatigue came over Jinsoul's expression again, but only slightly. </p><p>“Should we go to the ocean more then?” </p><p>Jinsoul looked up then, a small furrow appearing in her brow. “You want to?” </p><p>Jungeun smiled. “Remember, I like it there now.” She didn’t mention that it was mostly only that way when Jinsoul was there. “So we can go whenever.” </p><p>The corners of her lips tilted up. It was an expression Jungeun loved to watch grow. Even with the years that’d passed, it still felt like a surprise when Jinsoul smiled at her. </p><p>“Do you still get sick on ships?” Jinsoul asked then.</p><p>Jungeun could barely hide her surprise. She'd only told Jinsoul about her seasickness once before. “I don’t think so? Haven’t been on one in a while.” Then she laughed slightly. “Planning a boat ride?” </p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “Maybe. There’re elixirs against seasickness, so maybe I can give those to you and Yerim.”</p><p>“You’d want us on a ship?” </p><p>“It’d be nice to go from harbour to harbour, wouldn’t it?” Jinsoul asked. Then she laughed. “But I also just want to be surrounded by water for a few days instead of sand.” </p><p>“Is it that bad?” Jungeun looked out at the desert. There was so little water. Of course it would’ve been uncomfortable. </p><p>Then a hand took hers, squeezing it. </p><p>“I'm having fun,” Jinsoul said. “Especially once the sun started to set.” She smiled again. “And you did make it bearable.” She looked Yerim’s way as well and her gaze softened. “I think she loves it here too. She enjoyed both trips.” She looked back to Jungeun. “They were both good ideas, going there and then here.”</p><p>“Travelling was your idea,” Jungeun replied. “With just the three of us.” </p><p>She nodded once. “I like it that way.” Her gaze drifted to the sky then. “I think we make a good team.” The light in her eyes was a bit brighter. </p><p>Jungeun found herself staring. </p><p>“Is it strange for me to think like that?” Jinsoul asked. “Yerim hasn’t been here long, but it doesn’t feel like that.” </p><p>Jungeun felt something in her chest flip then. “It’s not strange,” she said. “It feels like that for me too.” <em>It felt like that with you, </em>she added silently. </p><p>She hummed once. Then she looked down at their hands. </p><p>Jungeun felt a small weight in her chest then. It wasn’t uncomfortable.</p><p>“You know,” Jinsoul started. “time’s been moving a lot slower for me since I came here.”</p><p>Was that a good thing? Jungeun had never thought time dragged on longer than it was supposed to at the camp, but was it because she enjoyed that aspect of it? Did Jinsoul? Or was it something she didn’t like? </p><p>“It always feels like every passing hour is something different,” Jinsoul continued, “and I don’t really know why.”</p><p>“And do you like that?” Jungeun asked. Even with how Jinsoul said it, she couldn’t help but wonder if there was something that was wrong with that for her. Jinsoul had gotten a bit lost with the healing, but she’d still spent so much of her life doing it. </p><p>Jinsoul looked out ahead of them for a few seconds. “That’s a good thing, Jungeun,” she nodded, “living for an eternity doesn’t mean nothing changes. It shouldn’t mean that.” She was quite then. </p><p>What was she supposed to say to that? As ‘normal’ as immortality was to consider, that didn’t mean it was easy to talk about. </p><p>“What’s different?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“I feel like a lot of it was always changing before too,” Jinsoul said. “But I’m more aware of it now.” She frowned slightly, before that faded. “I think it’s because I keep learning something? Either about magic, the way the Astra do things, or,” she pursed her lips, “you.” </p><p>“Me?” Jungeun repeated. “What’s there still to learn?”</p><p>“I think I lot,” she replied. “Like how you love the desert,” a small smile appeared, “or that you know a lot about the mortals’ belief systems.” </p><p>“I don’t know that much,” she shook her head, “there’s a lot more than just how they see death.” </p><p>Jinsoul shrugged. “You still know more than I do.” Then she leaned her shoulder against Jungeun’s. “But I mean other things like that,” she said quietly. “We’ve both lived for a while. There’ll be a lot to tell.”</p><p><em>I don’t know if you want to hear all of that</em>, Jungeun wanted to say, but it didn’t feel like the right time, let alone place, to say anything like that. </p><p>“But we’ve got time for that,” Jinsoul said. “Right?” </p><p>Jungeun could only nod. </p><p>Neither of them said anything after that. </p><p>They just sat there, watching as the moon drifted across and the sky gradually got lighter again. Jungeun hadn’t ever expected Jinsoul to be at her side to watch the sun rise above the desert, but she was. </p><p>They still didn’t talk much, but that was fine. Neither of them let go of the other either. </p><p>______</p><p>Some years passed. It might’ve been five, or it might’ve been six, Jinsoul still wasn’t sure. </p><p>Except there was a growing sense of unease in the air. Jungeun kept going off somewhere. She usually did that alone, leaving Jinsoul and Yerim to wonder where she was until she came back to explain. Either she ended up going to Yeri, another witch, or back to her people. </p><p>She didn’t really hide her worry. It also wasn’t hard to figure out what the rest of that meant. </p><p>And because her worry kept growing, it also meant that whatever the problem she was trying to fix wasn’t improving either. </p><p>Jinsoul knew it had something to do with what those witches had said. When she’d asked her, Jungeun had deflected, saying it probably wasn’t anything serious. </p><p>And then a few months later, she’d be going off again, or writing out a note to send to her people. </p><p>Only tonight, they sent a message first. It came from the fire, bursting out of it. </p><p>Jungeun reached forward and caught it immediately. </p><p>Jinsoul saw the moment she finished reading. The paper was once again engulfed in flames. Jungeun’s hands were completely still, but her eyes were wide. She looked from the fire to the ashes of the message. </p><p>Then she was on her feet and walking off. </p><p>Jinsoul followed with Yerim close behind. </p><p>And then they heard shouting. </p><p>“You told me nothing would happen!” Jungeun’s voice was harsh. “You saw <em>nothing.” </em></p><p>Jinsoul could feel the air warming. Then she saw how Jungeun’s skin glowed and how her eyes burned. </p><p>“There wasn’t a sign of it,” one of the seers said. She looked scared. “I promise—“</p><p>“You weren’t looking,” Jungeun hissed. “But now you’ll tell me where I’m going. Now.” </p><p>“Your people,” the seer told her, taking a step back.</p><p>“You’re lying.” Jungeun’s voice was quieter, but there was anger in her eyes. “Tell me where I’m going.” </p><p>“You’re going to your family,” Eline said. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t react, but the air grew warmer again. “Where am I going?”</p><p>Eline’s voice softened. “They’ll send you where you need to go.” </p><p>It was quiet. </p><p>Fire flickered across Jungeun’s skin, but her hands were still.</p><p>Then they vanished and Jungeun was walking away. </p><p>“What happened?” Yerim asked, her voice tight. </p><p>“Her mother.” Eline was watching where Jungeun had gone. “She’s dead.” Her eyes were dim, as she looked to the sky. “And we didn’t see it.” </p><p>Jinsoul was running then. She went straight for their tent. </p><p>When she went in, the air almost burned her. The heat subsided the moment she saw Jungeun. </p><p>“Sorry,” Jungeun said. She was fastening a blade to her waist. </p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsoul started.</p><p>“Maybe she’s just close to it,” she said then. “I’ll get there, and maybe we can still find her.” She then slung her bag over her shoulder. </p><p>Yerim came was at her side then. “Can we come with?” </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “I’ll be quicker by myself.”</p><p>“But—“ </p><p>Jinsoul took Yerim’s arm, squeezing it, before letting it go. </p><p>Yerim’s eyes were slowly filling with tears. </p><p>“The message said she disappeared,” Jungeun said then. “The seers think she’s dead.” Her jaw was tight. “But they didn’t see what was happening before.” She walked past them. </p><p>Jinsoul caught her hand. Jungeun’s skin was burning. She let go. </p><p>“I have to go.” Jungeun didn’t look either of them in the eye. </p><p>“When’re you coming back?” Yerim asked. </p><p>Jungeun’s expression faltered. </p><p>Jinsoul’s heart sank. </p><p>“I’ll try to come back as soon as I can.” Then she was gone. </p><p>______</p><p>“You’re going too?” Yerim asked. She’d let her tears fall freely this time. </p><p>“I have to.” Jinsoul checked if the pack was full. “Thea vanished, but who caused it? If she’s dead, someone killed her.” And Jungeun would go after them. </p><p>“But she won’t want us there.” </p><p>“Then we’ll stay away,” Jinsoul said. “We—I just have to be there. In case she does.” </p><p>Yerim looked at her. “Are you sure?” </p><p>“No,” she admitted. She gathered her things and started to leave. “Do you want to come with me?” </p><p>There was a flicker of hesitance, before Yerim shook her head. “I shouldn’t.”</p><p>“Neither should I,” Jinsoul said. “Probably.” </p><p>“You’re right!” someone called from outside. Sooyoung. </p><p>Jinsoul went out. </p><p>“She has to do this alone,” Sooyoung said when she saw her. “And you can’t stop her either.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Jinsoul told them. “But she might need help after.” She opened her pack and showed them the contents. </p><p>Haseul frowned. “You can’t put her back together.”</p><p>“I know,” Jinsoul said. “And that’s not why I’m going.” She closed the bag again. “If she doesn’t want me to heal her, then I won’t.” She met their gazes. “And I’ll leave if she doesn’t want me there.”</p><p>“You don’t think we’d want to go as well?” Sooyoung asked. </p><p>“Then go instead of me,” Jinsoul told them. “I don’t think she should come back from wherever she’s going alone.” She grimaced. “She’ll have her father and the rest of her people before there, but when—if she’s coming back to camp after that, she’ll be coming back alone.” </p><p>Several excuses came to mind then. What if someone decided to come after her then once she was drained by her grief? Or what if a larger group of spirits came, drawn to the grief and anger she was feeling? What if she got hurt? </p><p>“Do you really think it’d be a mistake to go?” Jinsoul asked. “Because then I won’t.” </p><p>There were a few moments where no one said anything. It made Jinsoul beyond nervous. </p><p>“You’re just going to help her,” Jiwoo said then. “Just that.”</p><p>“If she wants my help.” Jinsoul nodded. There was a good chance Jungeun would just tell her to leave. She’d have to listen if she did. </p><p>Jiwoo exchanged a look with Sooyoung then. She looked reassuring, even though there was clearly pain in her eyes. All of them had it. Jinsoul wondered if they were right for not following Jungeun. Maybe they’d focus on being there when Jungeun came back. Was Jinsoul supposed to do that too?</p><p>“Go,” Haseul said. “And if Daran also lets you stay, then you’re good.” </p><p>Then Sooyoung fixed her with a look. “But you know what you could be walking into?”</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t, but that didn’t matter. </p><p>At least she hoped it wouldn’t. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t need to search for the place. She could feel it the moment she entered the forest. The feeling, one twisted and cold, didn’t leave the forest. Somehow, whatever magic lay within the woods could hold it back. </p><p>Still, Jinsoul felt a deep sense of revulsion. It grew with each step she took. They'd told her that Thea had vanished, but her body had been sent back. Some thought Jungeun had found it and gone through the ritual to send her back home. Pollux had told her that it was an act of revenge from a group of elves. Whatever Thea had done, or been involved with, that'd been years ago. </p><p>Around the time of when Jungeun had been warned by the witches. </p><p>After an hour of walking, Jinsoul started to smell it. The heavy scent of ash, the metallic edge of blood, and burnt flesh. Underneath it all was a distinct sense of death, something she hadn’t felt for a long time. </p><p>It was worse when she looked to the light. She could see the way the forest had taken in the rage and the fear. She could see how death seeped into the air along with its scent. </p><p>She felt cold. She felt sick. </p><p>And then she saw it. It was still far enough away, but she could see the pale grey and black of ash and char. </p><p>It was what the stories talked about. What was left afterwards. </p><p>And it was quiet. As the others had expected, no survivors. </p><p>Except for one. Jinsoul knew she could’ve found her. She knew she was still in the forest, but she didn’t know what she’d find when she saw her. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t want to keep walking. She didn’t want to see it. </p><p>The ground began to crumble beneath her feet the closer she got. Everything, from the branches to the earth, was brittle, worn down by the heat from flames that had already been extinguished. </p><p>She saw the first body. Then the next. </p><p>She vomited. </p><p>With each breath, she could feel the ash still hovering in the air. The air was still hot, as if the fire was only a breath away from tearing into the earth again. </p><p>Jinsoul stumbled as she tried to get away, avoiding anything that could still be recognised as a person. Her eyes burned. </p><p>The darkness felt like a weight on her mind. It made her think of screams, of roaring flames, of red eyes. </p><p>She didn’t need to know what had happened. The aftermath surrounded her. </p><p>Jinsoul forced herself to stand. She wiped her mouth and tried to ignore the constant weight of the anger around her. </p><p>Jinsoul started looking for footsteps that might’ve still been burning the earth. </p><p>She heard those same steps in the next moment. </p><p>Jinsoul looked up, dread filling her. </p><p>Jungeun had been near. Jinsoul should’ve looked for her before. She shouldn’t have seen this place before she saw her. </p><p>Jungeun was staring at that place now. She was covered in blood, some of her skin burnt. There were several wounds that made Jinsoul’s throat constrict. </p><p>She was shaking. Her hands were opening and closing into fists. Then her hands stopped somewhere in between and she stopped shaking. </p><p>Jinsoul had wondered what Jungeun would look like when her carefree attitude fell away. She hadn’t expected it to look like this. She hadn’t expected the sight to tear at her heart.</p><p>“Ten,” Jungeun said. Her voice wasn’t quiet or loud, but hoarse. “There’s ten people there.” </p><p>Jinsoul took a step forward. </p><p>Jungeun raised her hands. They were covered in burns, with blisters already forming all across her palms and fingers. “I burn the air,” she whispered. Her eyes were alive with the flames she’d used before. They were also dry, but even after the nightmares she’d seen before, Jinsoul had never seen her look like this. </p><p>“What can I do then?” Jinsoul was grateful that her voice came out steady. Seeing Jungeun like this made her nervous. Not about what she’d do, but about what had broken her down. </p><p>“Nothing,” she said. “You’re not immune to heat and, well,” she broke off. “Enough burned today.” She hadn’t taken her eyes off of the corpses. She’d just stayed here. </p><p>“Why are you still here?” </p><p>Jungeun blinked once, looking at her. </p><p>Jinsoul nearly looked away. She didn’t want to hold that gaze, but she forced herself to. </p><p>“I,” Jungeun looked back at the place, “no one should see this.” She grit her teeth. “And you did, I—” </p><p>The air grew warmer. Jinsoul wondered if it’d start to burn again. Then the heat vanished entirely. </p><p>“You should go back,” Jungeun said. “Back to the Astra maybe, or to your people, I won’t—you don’t have to go back with me.” </p><p>“I could still go back with you." She didn’t know how else she was supposed to talk to her. Carefully? Or try to talk in some way that was normal? </p><p>“They should’ve sent someone else,” Jungeun muttered. “Someone used to,” her words caught, “this.” She looked scared for a moment, eyes still on what was behind Jinsoul. </p><p>“I am,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>Her eyes flicked to hers before looking away again. Guilt was swimming in her eyes. </p><p>And then Jungeun laughed. It was a harsh sound. “Proved your point now, haven’t I?” Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. She blinked several times. Then she looked straight at Jinsoul. It took all she had not to flinch. “If you knew how it had happened,” she trailed off, looking back to the bodies, “you’d—” She broke off. </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “Don’t think about that.” </p><p>“I have to,” she spat. “I got what I wanted.” Her eyes still glowed, harsher than before when she’d used her magic. </p><p><em>No you didn’t</em>, Jinsoul thought. Saying that wouldn’t help her. “Should we go back?” </p><p>Confusion seeped through that look in her eyes. “Weren’t you going?” The anger from before was fading. It left something that was painful to look at. “I thought you’d leave.” Her brow furrowed. She kept looking at the space behind her. </p><p>Jinsoul reached out. </p><p>Jungeun stepped back. </p><p>“The air’s cooled a bit more,” Jinsoul told her. She took her arm, trying not to focus on the burns on her hands. Even through the sleeve, she could feel how Jungeun’s skin still burned. She made sure Jungeun didn’t notice that it hurt. “I have other clothes with me.” She searched for the river and pulled Jungeun along with her. </p><p>Jungeun pulled her arm away, but kept walking with her. </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t look her way this time. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to think about what they’d left behind. She didn’t want Jungeun to either, but she knew that was all she could think about. </p><p>They reached the river. </p><p>“Wait,” Jungeun was already turning away, “I don’t—please don’t heal me.” </p><p>Jinsoul held her breath. None of the wounds were dangerous, but they’d hurt. “Can I clean them at least?” </p><p>She started to speak, before her eyes caught on her hands. She stared at them, before looking at her clothes. There wasn’t any bit of exposed cloth, everything was either covered in ash, blood, or it had been burnt. </p><p>“I’ll just clean them.” Jinsoul held out a hand. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know if she was supposed to treat Jungeun like a patient, as she had to other people who’d been left in a state close to delirium. She didn’t know if leaving Jungeun alone would be the right choice or not. Most of her was sure she needed to stay here unless Jungeun told her to go. </p><p>Jungeun’s jaw was clenched. Her eye twitched. </p><p>Jinsoul felt the tears come before they started to fall. </p><p>And then they came all at once. </p><p>Jungeun put her head in her hands, her fingers fisting into her hair, even despite the burns on them. Jinsoul almost thought she was going to tear it out. A strangled sound left her. </p><p>Jinsoul reached out, but drew her hand back. Jungeun hadn’t cried when she’d heard the news. She hadn’t believed it at first. </p><p>And Jungeun started to sob. </p><p>Jinsoul went over. It was almost painful to be so near. Jungeun’s skin had gotten closer to the heat of a fire. She grit her teeth and pulled her closer. </p><p>Jungeun sank into her, but it felt like an admission of defeat instead of relief. Jinsoul slowly let both of them sink to the ground. </p><p>She didn’t say anything. Jungeun cried silently, but she shook as she did. She coughed every now and then. She wished she had been there, but she was also thankful she hadn’t been. </p><p>It was quiet save for the rushing river and Jungeun’s breathing that had slowly gone from gasps to strained breaths. </p><p>Jungeun slowly pulled away. Her eyes were fixed on her hands, covered in burns and blood. Her lip trembled. Her tears had left tracks through the ash and red on her face, but everything had been smudged. </p><p>Jinsoul drew out a cloth and dipped it in the river. She held it out to her. </p><p>Her eyes looked at it once. There was hardly a reaction, but she took it, dabbing at her hands first. Her brow twitched as she did it.</p><p>It was still silent. Jinsoul kept wetting one cloth to swap it with the one Jungeun was holding. She wished she could, but she didn’t infuse it with moonlight.  </p><p>Jungeun’s face was free of the dirt now. There were a series of cuts along the side of her face. Jinsoul realised they were from nails. The same marks were on her forehead and neck. Jinsoul tried not to think about the way it would’ve happened. </p><p>“You don’t have to stay here,” Jungeun said. Her voice sounded even more worn. She wrung out the cloth, gritting her teeth, before wiping at her arms. There was a sharp intake of breath, before Jungeun’s expression smoothed over. </p><p>“Do you want me to leave?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>She looked up. The distant edge to her gaze faded. “Not really.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded once. </p><p>They swapped the cloths again. Jinsoul put it in the river and let the water clean it again. . </p><p>Then Jungeun stopped. She was trying to wipe at the wound at her side. </p><p>“What’s—” Jinsoul didn’t finish that. It would’ve been the worst question to ask. </p><p>Jungeun grimaced. She knew what she’d wanted to ask. “I don’t think this’ll work.” She looked at the cloth. Her hair was still matted with red and her clothes were still stained. </p><p>“I have a change of clothes with me.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded, but that was it. </p><p>Jinsoul’s eyes stung slightly. She still didn’t know what she could do. Without the healing, there wasn’t anything she could do for her. </p><p>Then Jungeun was rinsing out the cloth herself. </p><p>“I could find a pond? Or stop the current.” </p><p>Jungeun just shook her head. “It’s fine.” Her gaze stayed on the river. “Does it help?”</p><p>“Does what help?” </p><p>“You drift in the water a lot,” Jungeun muttered. “I don’t do it, because I can’t swim out again. Don’t really have much to do with a river unless I’m drinking from it.” </p><p>“I hope you bathed in it too,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>It got her a tiny smile. It wasn’t much, but it was something. </p><p>“I’ve never trusted a river enough not to drown me.” She pursed her lips. “Then again, I didn’t trust the ocean either.” </p><p>Jinsoul moved to the river bank and put her legs in. It was too cold. She made sure the water warmed properly. “Are you sure?” </p><p>Jungeun shifted to sit beside her. She didn’t hide her winces. Jinsoul wished she’d have let her heal her. The water would soothe some of those wounds. Would Jungeun let that happen at least? </p><p>“I’m sure.” Jungeun frowned slightly at the river. “And it’s not as deep as the ocean.” </p><p>Jinsoul went into the river. She stopped the current in the space where she was, bringing the water to a halt, while the rest of the river flowed past her. </p><p>Jungeun let out a short breath. </p><p>“I could also make a very elaborate rain shower.” </p><p>The small smile appeared again and she shook her head. “I think I need the sounds.” She nodded at the river. “This time without the whales in the distance.” </p><p>Jinsoul held out a hand, letting the water rise a bit more. It almost reached Jungeun’s knees. </p><p>She took her hand. Jungeun’s skin still felt like a furnace, but it was more bearable now that Jinsoul was in the water. </p><p>“I’ll make sure you can breathe,” Jinsoul said. She squeezed her hand, letting the river rise a bit higher, watching just in case hesitance or fear would appear in Jungeun’s eyes. </p><p>It never did. </p><p>“I’ll let the current go as soon as you’re in.” </p><p>Jungeun only nodded and pushed herself into the water. Jinsoul felt the power of the current, let it go, and relaxed into it. </p><p>They sank below the depths. </p><p>The first thing Jinsoul did was make a bubble around Jungeun’s mouth, and nose. She didn’t cover her ears. </p><p>Jungeun’s grip on her hand tightened, but she wasn’t thrashing or shaking. Her eyes were open, looking at the surface of the water above them. </p><p>They drifted down the river. Jinsoul made sure they wouldn’t smash against anything, but other than that, she let them move freely, but slowed the current a bit more. </p><p>Slowly, Jungeun relaxed, squeezing her hand lightly. She’d closed her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul could feel that more tears came. She focused instead on keeping their course through the river and maintaining the temperature of the water. The wounds would be cleaned along the way. Her clothes were another thing, but she couldn’t do that while they were still moving. She could, but she doubted Jungeun would appreciate it. </p><p>“Can you hear me?” Jungeun asked. Her eyes were still glowing brightly, but they weren’t as harsh as before. </p><p>“I can.” </p><p>There was a moment where the current was all she could hear. Jinsoul wondered if that was what Jungeun had wanted. </p><p>Several minutes passed before Jungeun spoke again. </p><p>“I think this’s enough.” </p><p>Jinsoul brought them to a stop then, pushing both of them so that they were upright. </p><p>Jungeun wiped her face, taking a deep breath. She let go of Jinsoul, before pushing herself out of the river then, sitting on the banks again. She didn’t seem to care about the mud. She was looking at the forest, water still dripping from her hair. Except for her clothes, there wasn’t any blood. Jinsoul was sure some of the wounds would still be bleeding, but at least they were clean. </p><p>“It worked.” Jungeun’s elbows rested on her legs. She looked exhausted. </p><p>Jinsoul went to the edge and sat beside her again. Again, she wasn’t sure what to do. Should she take the water away again or let it stay, but keep the temperature warm? </p><p>“What did?” </p><p>“The sound of the water,” Jungeun waved a hand at her ears, “it helped.” She closed her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul carefully took her hand. It was cold now. “Do you need a fire?” </p><p>“No fire.” She shuddered. “I,” she broke off, sighing. </p><p>“Light?” Jinsoul first warmed the water-soaked ground beneath them. Then she handed her a piece, pressing it into her hand. </p><p>Jungeun’s fingers caught on one of hers before she pulled away. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “You didn’t have to do this, or come here, any of it.” A pause. “You didn’t have to stay.” She let go of her, shame seeping back into her expression. “You can go.”</p><p>“Do you want me to?” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were on her lap. “No,” she said. Her jaw clenched. "They all thought I'd changed." She closed her eyes. “But you saw what happened. It—you don’t know what I did. I didn’t just kill them.”  </p><p>Jinsoul took her hand. “I know.” </p><p>“It was worse than your stories.” She shook her head. “It made you sick.” The hand Jinsoul held stiffened. “You should hate me.” </p><p>“I don’t.” </p><p>Jungeun opened her eyes. “What?” </p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand, before pulling her closer. She took away the water, letting Jungeun’s hair and clothes dry. “I don’t hate you.” </p><p>She looked at her, a flicker of hope appearing. Then the emptiness from before took over again. </p><p>Jinsoul swallowed down her reassurances and any other words that wouldn’t help. Not now. “When do you want to go back?” They'd have to go upriver a bit to get the packs. Or Jinsoul would come back for them once Jungeun was with her father. </p><p>“Now,” she muttered. “But not yet.” </p><p>“Close your eyes for a bit.” Jinsoul picked up a clean cloth. “They’re swollen, probably sore, right?” She patted her shoulder. “And come here.” </p><p>Jungeun looked confused then. </p><p>Jinsoul slipped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her over to her. Then she set the cloth over her eyes. </p><p>She sighed. Her head fell to rest on her shoulder. “Is this you pitying me?” Her voice sounded faint, as if she was already falling asleep. </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said. “This is me being here.” She adjusted the cloth. “For you.” </p><p>“You don’t have to.” Her voice was even fainter now.</p><p>“I know.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply. Her head grew heavier and her breathing slowed. </p><p>Jinsoul closed her own eyes. They were still burning. </p><p>The sounds of the river and Jungeun’s breathing were all she had. Jungeun was surprisingly cold beside her. </p><p>Jinsoul summoned light and made it into something that resembled a blanket. She draped it over Jungeun’s lap. </p><p>Jungeun’s wounds were still there, but she slept in spite of them. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to the light then, nearly recoiling when she felt the same darkness from before in Jungeun. </p><p>She looked past it and at the forest around them. Spirits had already gone to the part of the forest where the dead elves were. They’d be distracted by it for a time. </p><p>Still, Jinsoul made her skin glow brighter. Would more spirits have come to Jungeun if she’d have stayed here alone? What had her plan been for afterwards?</p><p>Or had there not been a plan? </p><p>Jungeun shifted slightly. The cloth fell away from her eyes. Her brow was furrowed, but her face was otherwise calm. </p><p>Jinsoul wished she had someone there, someone who knew Jungeun better than she did, who knew what to do when she was like this. </p><p>Except ‘like this’ hadn’t ever happened before. Jungeun had lost her mother. She’d gotten her revenge. </p><p>And now she was left with the guilt of it, with horror in her eyes when she looked at what she’d done. </p><p>Jinsoul listened then. She listened past the river and the one beside her. She heard nothing, barely even the wind. There were no birds or animals. There were barely any insects. They’d all fled. </p><p>She realised why Jungeun had wanted to be in the river. She’d been left with the darkness, along with the fear and the anger from before. And the silence. </p><p>______</p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything on the way back. She didn’t look anything like she had before, but she was hiding it. After she’d woken up, Jinsoul had seen her already trying to steel her features into something else. </p><p>Even now, when she greeted her father again, her eyes didn’t give anything away. </p><p>“Their bodies are still there,” she said. “I didn’t—couldn’t send them back. There’s wards against the humans.” She pulled away. “I can go back, but—”</p><p>“We’ll take care of it,” Daran cut her off. His eyes were incredibly gentle as he looked at his daughter. There was a question there. <em>Are you alright?</em> “There was also another here, a little bit impatient when it came to waiting for you two.” </p><p>Jinsoul could feel the smallest of tremors in the ground then. She watched as Jungeun’s eyes widened. </p><p>Yerim flew into her arms in the next moment. She'd come as well. </p><p>“Yerim?” Jungeun’s voice was small again. “What’re you doing here? Do you know—"</p><p>"I know." Purple eyes met Jinsoul’s. They were teary. “I wanted to go back with you.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply to that. She just wrapped her arms around Yerim tighter. </p><p>Jinsoul saw how people were both looking and trying to avoid staring. They were all concerned, but also nervous. </p><p>She understood why. They knew very well that Jungeun was hiding her grief. They didn’t know what to say, or what to do, but they wanted to be there for her. </p><p>Jinsoul was surprised when Yerim’s arms slipped around her waist. </p><p>“How long did it take you to get here?" Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“I left a day after you did,” Yerim said. She pulled away, but took Jinsoul’s hand, squeezing it. “Technically I snuck away, but I told them where I was once I got here.” She looked after Jungeun who was now walking between the houses. Her father was speaking to some of the others. He looked for his daughter, before looking back to them. </p><p>“It’s good you came,” Jinsoul told her. </p><p>“She looked scared at first.” Yerim’s worry was obvious now. </p><p>Jungeun was scared Yerim would see her differently, just as she’d been afraid that Jinsoul would, but there'd also been relief that Yerim was here as well. Jinsoul was also glad she'd come. </p><p>“I’ll tell you later.”</p><p>“Jinsoul,” Daran walked over, looking slightly awkward, “can I speak with you?” </p><p>She could only nod. </p><p>Yerim gave her hand a final squeeze before pulling away. “I’m giving their gardens a bit of an improvement.” She left. </p><p>Jinsoul watched the rest start to disperse, but they were very clearly listening. </p><p>Daran started walking in the opposite direction Jungeun had gone. </p><p>Jinsoul followed. </p><p>Like his daughter, Daran stayed quiet. He had the same expression Jungeun had had earlier. He was also one to hide his grief. He looked just as drained as she was. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a weight press down on her chest. He’d lost the love of his life and his daughter had come back no better than she’d been when she’d left, but worse. </p><p>And now she’d be going back to the Astra. What would Daran do? Was he like Jungeun in that he’d leave for some time? Or would he stay and try to adjust? </p><p>Jinsoul had watched her mother face the same. She’d put all of her energy into her duties for their people. Others had left entirely, going somewhere they’d be without the reminder of all those their loved one had known. Immortality was a gift, but the end of it was a curse few could bear, let alone consider. </p><p>“I don’t need to know what happened,” Daran said slowly. “But how was she?” He turned to her, silver eyes almost pleading. “Was she scared? Angry?” </p><p>Jinsoul needed to force herself to not look away here as well. How could she tell him that Jungeun had been ashamed of what she’d done? How could she tell him of the look she’d seen in her eyes? </p><p>“Both,” Jinsoul said. “And numb. When I got there, there wasn’t any fire, but she—her eyes—I don’t know how long she’d been there. She’d stayed there.” </p><p>Daran only nodded. </p><p>“You’re not surprised?” she asked. <em>She hated what she’d done and she was surrounded by carnage</em>. </p><p>“Jungeun would’ve thought it cowardly to leave,” Daran said, a muscle in his cheek twitching. “She didn’t want to forget what she’d done.” </p><p>“Yes, she does,” Jinsoul said. “I saw it. It scared her.” </p><p>“That’s why she stayed.” His voice was sharper. “Because she was ashamed of what she’d done, because she’d been driven by rage when she’d killed them.” He shook his head. “I knew it,” his voice cracked, “I shouldn’t have let her go.” </p><p>Jinsoul nearly agreed. What stopped her was the pain in his eyes. “She wouldn’t have let you stop her.” </p><p>“She should’ve let me go.” Daran’s voice grew steadier. “And I should’ve made her stay here.”</p><p>“Then why didn’t you?” Jinsoul didn’t really want to hear about what <em>should</em> have happened. Thea had been murdered. Jungeun had gone after her killers. She didn’t want to know that <em>what</em> <em>should have happened</em> was someone else going to do that. </p><p>“She was so sure,” he said quietly. “I thought she needed to go. For all—both of us.” </p><p>She wanted to tell him that Jungeun had never <em>needed</em> to do the things she’d done. People had wanted her to, or she’d wanted to, for reasons she’d convinced herself were necessary. </p><p>“I know you don’t agree with any of what we’ve done, what we’re like, but that has its own reasons.” He met her eyes, but they held the same fatigue Jungeun’s had. “But you can blame me for this.” </p><p>For this. Did he mean Jungeun going after the elves? Did he mean the way Jungeun was? Or Thea’s death?</p><p>“I blame the people who took her away,” Jinsoul said. She turned her gaze on the forest. She wondered who Daran could speak to. He must’ve had people, like Jungeun had Haseul and Sooyoung. </p><p>But if he was like Jungeun, then he probably didn’t show much more than he was now. </p><p>Jinsoul’s heart sank further. Thea had been the one he would’ve turned to. </p><p>“So do I,” he replied. “And they’re gone.” </p><p><em>Does it solve anything? </em>Jinsoul wanted to ask. <em>Were their deaths worth Thea’s?</em> She wouldn’t dare say those words, not to Daran, nor Jungeun. </p><p>“Why did you go after her?” Daran asked. “Did you need to see what she’d done? What she’s capable of?” A hint of defensiveness had crept into his voice, but underneath it was sadness. </p><p>“I already knew that.” </p><p>“Like this?” </p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “This was different.” </p><p>He frowned. “Was it? She went after another target, killed them all, and she’ll go on to the next.” </p><p>Jinsoul was taken aback by the way he spoke. She realised in the next moment that the words were practically a challenge. </p><p>“If it was just what she did, then no, it wasn’t different,” Jinsoul said. “But I saw her before and after it happened.” She didn’t say the rest. “I know it was different.” </p><p>“She hasn’t done something out of anger in a long time.” A familiar guilt was spreading across his expression. “Even some of our own hadn’t been able to look at her the same after they’d seen that.” </p><p>“I know what she did,” Jinsoul told him. “I know what she can do, and that doesn’t change the way I see her.” </p><p>Daran looked at her for a long moment. Jinsoul wondered if he’d asked her here to try and convince her of something. She wondered if that was how he handled his grief. </p><p>"There was a small change in her. When she returned," Daran said. "I went with her to find," he faltered, "when we found her. She went ahead. I thought that pain would never fade." </p><p>Jinsoul didn't know what to say. There was still so much, but Jungeun had driven most of it down. </p><p>He was quiet then. That searching look had returned. Jinsoul felt a flicker of the nervousness she’d gotten when she’d first met him. He was intense in a way she’d never seen Jungeun be. Jungeun always had a more gentle approach. At least she did in everything that wasn’t battle. </p><p>Then she realised he was waiting for something. Her response. </p><p>“It's still there” Jinsoul said. Jungeun was trying to handle it. If that meant she’d drown out her ears with the sound of rushing water, or going away again, then that was what it was. “But she's trying.”</p><p>His expression softened. Then he sighed. "What happened? What did you do?"</p><p>“We went to the river.” </p><p>His brow rose. “But you didn't heal her," he said. "And that's a fast-moving river."</p><p>“My magic,” she started, hoping her voice sounded somewhat steady, “I’m used to strong currents and I slowed them down. All she wanted was to let something else carry her.” <em>And not be surrounded by silence. </em></p><p>“So that was it,” he said. “Nothing more?” His expression softened. The resemblance to his daughter increased. "You managed to ease a small amount of pain in her," he said then. "Both of you." </p><p>Jinsoul didn't know what that small amount had changed. She knew the grief felt with the loss of a parent. That didn't ease just because someone was there for you. Jinsoul being there hadn't taken away any of it for Jungeun. </p><p>And then he smiled. Even though it was shaky on the edges, it was the very same smile Jinsoul knew so well. It changed his demeanour completely, making him something familiar instead of intimidating. </p><p>“Thank you,” Daran said. “I wanted to stop you at first. I didn’t know if you’d make it worse or not.” </p><p>Jinsoul could only nod. Had she not known Jungeun, had she not seen what she had over the years, she probably would’ve made it worse. </p><p>She still wasn’t sure if she’d made it any better. </p><p>“But having you here—having the other one as well,” he paused, “it’ll help her.” Gratitude and not regret appeared then. "More than we could."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that chapter took the turn, I know. As a whole, I was a little nervous to get to this point of the story, but it was also something that needed to be included. Regardless of whether or not we're mortal or immortal, we're going to face loss at one point or another. The way we take that loss is extremely subjective. I personally handle things like that alone, but I know there's a lot of value of turning to other people as well. I wanted to show a part of that here, even if the actual event is very much removed from our reality. </p><p>Still, I wanted the first part of the chapter to be somewhat lighthearted with the trip to the desert. The next chapters will also hopefully have a balance, but I can't guarantee they'll be very light as a whole. I don't think they'll be as long as this one, but I also can't really promise that. </p><p>Do let me know your thoughts! I hope you're all doing well. </p><p>See you in the next chapter. </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Don't want to say goodnight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Note: there'll be the description of what happened in the last chapter. I've put it aside with italics, so if you don't want to read that, you can just skip over it. The scene that starts with "Someone was following them" is also violent, but is relatively short.</p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Grief changed Jungeun. It should’ve been a subtle change, but Jinsoul kept spotting each nuance. So did Yerim and the rest. When that number grew, it just made it more clear that Jungeun was in more pain than she was letting on. She’d never let the others see it. She didn’t want Jinsoul to see it either. </p><p>Jungeun slept, but she did after spending hours in another’s tent. She ate, but only right at the end of meals—only enough that no one could comment that she didn’t join them. Her smile was weak, even if wide. She could never hide the dullness to the red in her eyes either. </p><p>When they went on patrol, Jinsoul saw the changes to her stance. She was always ready to find a spirit or new threat. Even if there wasn’t a threat, she never relaxed. And when she did fight, it was with swift brutal strikes. She was quick to burn the spirits, but always with a spear of fire. Jungeun had never drawn out those fights before. She’d never let the spirit undergo the turning process longer than necessary, but now it seemed like she wanted to turn it instantly. </p><p>The vampires they came across were not much different. Usually, Jungeun could incapacitate two in the time it took Jinsoul to take one. Now she took three, sometimes even creeping up behind them to finish the fight. </p><p>No matter who they fought, or who they helped, silence always followed. Jungeun always fell into that stupor she’d been in when Jinsoul had first found her. If she ever did speak, she didn’t look Jinsoul’s way, but instead at the sky, even if it was cloudy. </p><p>Yerim kept things from getting too quiet by asking questions. Most of them were things she probably should’ve heard from Haseul, Sooyoung, or Hyunjin already, but she still asked. Anything to keep Jungeun talking. </p><p>Jungeun appreciated the questions, but there were also moments where Yerim didn’t ask anything. That was when Jungeun was clearly trying to force herself to talk. Both of them just let the silences remain when they saw that. Jinsoul didn’t miss the relief in Jungeun’s eyes when that happened. </p><p>And then there were the nightmares. Jungeun had wanted to take a separate tent, admitting that she would almost certainly have more nightmares. Jinsoul had told her that they’d keep sharing a tent for exactly that reason. Surprisingly, Jungeun hadn’t argued much. At first she hadn’t slept at all and she hadn’t even tried to hide it. </p><p>But after a month, she’d started actually coming back to the tent to sleep. If Jinsoul was awake then, she waited until Jungeun’s breath evened out. Sometimes she even waited until she reached her dreams. </p><p>Almost every time she did, Jinsoul ended up hearing small whimpers and desperate whispers. Jungeun cried in her sleep. Jinsoul wondered if she felt any relief when she woke up, or a sense that she’d let some of her grief out in her sleep. She doubted that. </p><p>Jinsoul woke now to warm air. Immediately, she could sense Jungeun’s tears. She knew they evaporated as soon as they left her eyes. </p><p>She heard her rapid breathing next. Then a muffled cry. It hurt to hear. </p><p>Jinsoul sat up. </p><p>Yerim was also awake. She was watching Jungeun, pain in her eyes. “Do we wake her?” </p><p>“I’ll do it.” Jinsoul tried for a smile, but she knew it fell flat. </p><p>Jungeun was shifting around. Her hands had formed fists, the knuckles white. There was blood on the bedroll from her hands. She hadn’t woken up from the pain. </p><p>Then there was another sound, twisted. Had Jungeun’s mouth been open, it would’ve probably been a scream. </p><p>Jungeun had told her not to wake her if she had a nightmare. Jinsoul had done that in the past weeks since she’d started sleeping again, but this was the worst yet. There’d been times when she’d needed to wake her. </p><p>Jinsoul went over to her side. The air got warmer. Jinsoul could feel the heat emanating from Jungeun’s skin. She knew that if she touched her, it would burn. </p><p>She grabbed one of her shirts, covering her hand. Then she shook Jungeun’s shoulder. </p><p>“Hey,” she said. “Wake up.” She shook her harder. “You’re just dreaming.” She could feel the heat even through the cloth. She winced when it surged. </p><p>Jungeun cringed away, another muffled cry. </p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsoul gripped her shoulder, “please get up.” She shook her again, tightening her grip. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes opened. Fire had caught in her irises.</p><p>Jinsoul felt a flash of pain in her head. Grief clutched her chest, almost suffocating her. She choked back her own sob. Rage filled her mind in the next moment. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Someone screaming as her hands wrapped around their throat. She saw the skin burn beneath her fingers, falling away to reveal muscle, and then bone. Her own hands were burning as well, but she didn’t scream. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another was running over. The flames on the ground shot towards them, solidifying into what looked like a whip. The fire wrapped around their chest, seizing them before throwing them to the ground. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jinsoul let go of the person, the only sounds escaping their mouth were twisted moans. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She went to the person on the ground. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please,” they cried. She looked like a young woman, but she was far older than that. Still, she looked helpless. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You don’t get to beg,” Jinsoul said, but her voice sounded harsh. She realised then that it wasn’t hers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then she called the flames to her. They seemed to relish in the rage coursing through her. She couldn’t feel her own light. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jinsoul saw another with their hands up. The air left her lungs. She felt her legs want to give out and her chest wanting to constrict. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then she lunged for the elf taking away her breath. Her feet worked against the urge to stop. Her body was using up the energy it was already starting to lose. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jinsoul grabbed their outstretched hands and wrenched them down to the ground. There was a crack in one arm. They screamed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then the air was back in her lungs. The fire came with it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jinsoul let go of the broken wrist. Her free hand went over the elf’s mouth. She fed them flames. Their eyes were a bright green, now filled with agony and terror. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then the vision was gone. </p><p>“It’s alright, Yerim,” Jungeun whispered. “This's happened before. You saw it.”</p><p>“Another dream?” Yerim asked. </p><p>Jinsoul could watch how her expression shifted, struggling to give an answer to the question. She also saw the moment Jungeun knew she’d come to again. </p><p>“I told you not to wake me.” Jungeun’s voice shook now. Clinging to her eyes were several droplets. </p><p>Jinsoul wiped them away. Jungeun’s skin felt like fire.  </p><p>Jungeun moved her hands away, before hissing. She let go of Jinsoul immediately after, looking at her hands. The skin on her fingers and the top of her palm was bright red. She’d burned herself.</p><p>“I don’t know how well I can control the fire now,” Jungeun said. “What if you—what if I hurt you?” She shifted away from her, eying Jinsoul’s hands, which were also reddened. There was a mixture of fear, exhaustion, and guilt in her eyes. </p><p>“I’m never far away from the best remedy for burns,” Jinsoul replied. “And I don’t think you should be either.”</p><p>She was already shaking her head. “I know what you saw.” Her voice trembled more. She was avoiding her eyes. They still held the flames. Her expression flashed between the pain and being devoid of those emotions. She wasn’t able to hide it properly. </p><p>“What—” Yerim started, before she cut herself off. </p><p>Jinsoul tried to keep from showing she was still shaken. She’d <em>been</em> Jungeun. She’d felt the sheer volume of her anger. Her mind felt as though it’d been burned by that very anger, but made heavy by the grief. That heaviness still weighed down on her. </p><p>She could still see the people Jungeun had taken her revenge on. She still felt how empty she’d felt watching them die, but also the bursts of satisfaction she’d felt when they’d screamed. </p><p>“I’ll leave,” Jungeun started moving away, “I—I just need,” she stammered. Her head sank into her hands. She broke into the sobs she kept trying to stifle. </p><p>Jinsoul felt a pain different to the one she’d felt from the memory. It was her own. To see Jungeun like this, not even with the strength she’d used to hide, it hurt. </p><p>She went over to her and wrapped her arms around Jungeun’s frame. She pulled her to her. Jungeun leaned away.</p><p>“This doesn’t hurt me,” Jinsoul whispered. “Promise.” It was on the brink of being painful, but she wouldn’t tell her that. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jungeun choked out. “What you saw, that—it wasn’t a nightmare.” </p><p>“I know.” She rested her chin on Jungeun’s head, before rubbing her hand up and down her back. “It’s alright.” She caught Yerim’s eye and tried to tell her the same that way. </p><p>She could feel her shake her head. “No,” Jungeun muttered. “They begged me to spare them.”</p><p>Jinsoul hadn't seen the rest, but did that matter? No words could've broken through Jungeun’s anger—her hatred. </p><p>What else was she supposed to tell her? <em>It wasn’t your fault</em> was the most stupid thing she could say. <em>They deserved it</em> wouldn’t work either. She wasn’t even sure if Jungeun believed that anymore. Had she even thought so in the first place? </p><p>“Don’t go there,” Jinsoul told her instead. “You can’t do that to yourself.” She almost made her look at her, but she knew Jungeun wouldn’t meet her eyes. She wouldn’t risk Jinsoul seeing that memory again. “You got your revenge. You know your father and anyone else at home would’ve done that too.” </p><p>Daran, who’d been one of the people to shape Jungeun into the person she was today. He'd trained her until she could fight when the air was taken away from her, while she'd tried to emulate his stoicism. That same person had looked at Jungeun with sadness and regret. When he'd seen her come back, he'd realised just how deep that training had been driven into her. </p><p>It was only slightly, but Jinsoul felt Jungeun lean into her. </p><p>“I’m not going to tell you it’s okay,” Jinsoul continued. “Because I know you don’t believe that.” She pulled her a bit closer. “But I don’t want you to go just because of what I saw,” she said. “I don’t want you to have to live through that either.” Her stomach twisted at the thought that Jungeun had been reliving that in her dreams this entire time. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t reply. </p><p>“I’ll be here to wake you. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll just throw a part of the river at you so I don’t get close.”</p><p>A tiny laugh. Like her smile, it lacked so much energy, but it was still a laugh. </p><p>“I can stay here until you fall asleep, if you want.” </p><p>Jungeun gently leaned away. Jinsoul loosened her grip so she could. She finally met her gaze. The fire in her eyes had slowed, but it still swirled within her irises. </p><p>“I won’t be sleeping today,” Jungeun said. Her eyes were swollen. “I think I just need,” she took a deep breath, “some air.” Her lips twitched up for a brief smile. “Thanks for waking me up.” She looked to Yerim then. “Sorry,” she whispered.</p><p>There it was again. She was pulling back all that she’d let out. It was both reassuring, because Jungeun had passed a breaking point and she was coming back from it, but also worrying. Would this happen again? Was Jungeun just going to avoid facing all those things she felt? </p><p>Jinsoul let her go. “Be careful.” </p><p>Jungeun only nodded. Then she left. </p><p>When she was far enough away, Jinsoul went back to her bedroll, sinking into the furs. She could still feel the pain across her fingers. Jungeun had lost control over her magic. It’d burned her. Jungeun too. </p><p>“Jinsoul?” Yerim was at her side now. “Are you okay?” Her arms were already going around her. </p><p>Jinsoul let Yerim pull her close. She closed her eyes, feeling how they started to burn. She let them. </p><p>“It’s about what happened, isn’t it?” Yerim asked. “What she did.” There was a dull edge to her voice. A knowing one. </p><p>“Did you see?” Jinsoul looked up at her. </p><p>Her face was pained. “I went to make the—to help them fix—I went there.” Her voice was quiet. “I buried the ash, started the growth of new trees, and helped them send the bodies back.” </p><p>Yerim hadn’t shown any sign that she’d seen it on the way back. She’d only stayed close enough to Jungeun so she’d know she was there, but she’d also been quiet. Still, all of them had been. Jungeun hadn’t wanted the silence before, but she’d wanted it then. </p><p>“You’re seeing her memories?” Yerim frowned slightly. “I thought you only saw her dreams.”</p><p>“I saw her nightmares,” Jinsoul said. “I don’t know how I do, but it happens if I wake her.”</p><p>“I could wake her up next time,” she told her. “You don’t have to be the one to always do it.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You don’t want to see that.”</p><p>“Neither do you,” Yerim said sharply. “Your vision cleared and you looked haunted.” </p><p>Had Jungeun seen that too? That made it worse, didn’t it?</p><p>“Yerim,” Jinsoul started. “I think it only happens if I look into her eyes. I just have to avoid that.” She put her arms around Yerim’s waist. “And I’ve been waking her for years. I usually don’t see what she does. Jungeun knows how it happens too, so she can avoid it happening too.” This nightmare had just been too much. They'd both forgotten. </p><p>“But if I’m awake too, let me.” She tightened her grip on her, before laying down. “It’s the three of us now. You’d both wake me up if I had nightmares. We’d do the same if you had them.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost said this was different, but she bit down on her tongue. It wasn't fair to say. </p><p>“Do you think you can sleep?” Yerim asked. There was something soothing about her voice. Jinsoul felt safe with her there. She also smelled like a meadow of flowers. It wasn’t anything overpowering, but it filled her senses. </p><p>“I think so,” Jinsoul whispered. “You’ll stay?” </p><p>A tiny laugh. “Of course.” She gently poked Jinsoul’s back. “I love cuddling.”</p><p>Jinsoul chuckled. “Me too.” She sank a little further into Yerim’s side and closed her eyes. </p><p>In her dreams, she saw a forest being engulfed in flames. Then the skies opened and rain fell. </p><p>The trees kept burning. </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Jinsoul looked up when the flaps of the tent were parted. Her heart nearly dropped when she saw who was walking—stumbling in. </p><p>Haseul was holding her up, but she looked pained as well. Jungeun’s entire leg was covered in red, but Jinsoul could see where the injury had started. Upper thigh. She was pale.</p><p>“What happened?” Jinsoul immediately brought water from a basin to wrap around the leg. How much blood had she lost?</p><p>“We found someone who had a pet lion,” Jungeun muttered. </p><p>“Warlocks,” Sooyoung said. “We think one was able to to control their minds.”</p><p>“Either that or the thing was a friend.” Jungeun grimaced as they moved over the floor. </p><p>They made her sit down. Jinsoul spotted burns along her arms and hands. Why were they there?</p><p>“And it bit you.” Jinsoul pulled away the water and set it into a basin, before drawing it out again without the blood and dirt. She infused it with moonlight and repeated the process. She spotted a stab wound in her side too. “Was there anything else?” She put some water there too. </p><p>Jungeun was avoiding her eyes. </p><p>“Had one other encounter there,” Haseul said. </p><p><em>On the way there or back? </em>Jinsoul wanted to ask. </p><p>“Come on,” Nuala called. “We’ll tend to yours too.” </p><p>“But there isn’t,” Sooyoung started. </p><p>“I can see you hiding that arm from me,” she chided. “And your knee.” She pointed at Haseul. </p><p>It was almost funny to see the two of them walk over. </p><p>She looked to Jungeun only to see that her ears were red now. </p><p>“Can I?” Jinsoul pointed at her side. Was she embarrassed? “Was it a big lion?”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “You’ll see with the bite marks,” she muttered. </p><p>Jinsoul lifted the shirt. It hadn’t fully stuck to the wound, but it’d soaked up a fair amount. She cleaned it with the water. Her stomach tensed every now and then. </p><p>Jinsoul focused instead on her leg, cleaning it as well. </p><p>“You look mad.” </p><p>She peered up, only to see that Jungeun was watching her, eyes slowly filling with a bit of concern. Hesitance too. </p><p>“I’m not mad,” Jinsoul said. “I was just surprised.” The full breadth of the bite marks came into view this time. She sucked in a breath. “Was it some mutated lion?” She glanced at her. </p><p>“A normal lion, I think,” Jungeun chuckled, “haven’t really seen that many.” </p><p>“This might hurt,” she said, before carefully pressing on the leg. </p><p>Jungeun yelped. </p><p>“Bone’s affected too,” Jinsoul sighed, “you shouldn’t have even been walking on it.” </p><p>She scoffed. “Should I’ve let them carry me?” </p><p>“Actually yes.” </p><p>Jungeun gave her a look. </p><p>Jinsoul should’ve expected it, but seeing it was just another reminder of how stubborn Jungeun could sometimes be. </p><p>Jinsoul made a face back at her. “You made the damage to your muscles worse. So now you’ll need more time to recover.” </p><p>“Time,” Jungeun repeated. “To recover?”</p><p>“You can’t just go on another patrol like this.”</p><p>“I heal fast enough.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You’ll just make this last longer than it has to.” </p><p>“Jinsoul,” Jungeun looked at her, “I’m perfectly capable of walking on a bad leg.” </p><p>“You carried me when I practically shattered my knee.” </p><p>“Because I heard all the cracks,” Jungeun said, shuddering slightly. “You nearly carried me when the spirits managed to get my leg. I said no, because that barely compared.” </p><p>Jinsoul bit back her next retort. It was almost no use, but she wanted to press her about it. “You’re not walking on it for at least two nights. I should make it three, but I know you’ll try and force me to keep it at one or none, and I don’t want to argue after night two.” </p><p>Her brow rose. “So just one night rest?”</p><p>Jinsoul put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back so she was laying down. “Two.” </p><p>“Tomorrow night. I need to settle something with Yeri first, then it’s one or two things in the towns. That’s all during the day. Easy too.” </p><p>“I’m not negotiating,” Jinsoul replied. “Wouldn’t you rather a walk where you don’t have the worst leg pain ever after?” </p><p>“I don’t want to do nothing for two nights.” Jungeun almost looked like she wanted to sulk. </p><p>“You can always keep me company here?” Jinsoul wondered if that was saying too much. </p><p>“Or you could come with me to town?” Her eyes were a little wide as she looked up at her. </p><p>She looked away. “Don’t look at me like that.”</p><p>“Or you’ll say yes?” Jungeun leaned forward a bit. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed her back down again. “Or I’ll ask someone else to tend to this.” She summoned a thin film of moonlight, before holding it up. “You choose.” </p><p>Jungeun smiled then. It lacked a lot of light from before, but it was still something. “I’ll close my eyes then.” Her eyes flickered around her face before closing. “I’m tired.”</p><p>She hummed once, before starting to bind the leg.</p><p>If she glanced up, Jungeun had opened her eyes again. She was watching her. There was a hint of the heaviness in her gaze, but it wasn’t that strong. Her eyes were the red they usually were when she used her magic. </p><p>“Your eyes look like the sky sometimes,” Jungeun said quietly. “Spring.” A pause. “In the morning.” </p><p>“No one’s ever described it like that,” Jinsoul replied, lifting a brow. “The early evening sky, maybe, but mostly like the sea. Way in the north. Cold.” </p><p>“Cold?” she repeated. “They’re almost never cold.” </p><p>Almost. Jinsoul wondered how Jungeun had seen her eyes in the beginning. She hoped she’d never have to see that again. </p><p>“I mean, maybe it looks like the sea there. I’ll give them that,” Jungeun was still talking, “but your eyes—you—“ Then she looked away. “I think—I mean, they’re warm.” Her ears were red again. Then she closed her eyes again. </p><p>Jinsoul realised she was smiling then. <em>Yours are too,</em> she thought<em>.</em> They hadn't lost that warmth, even after some of the light had gone. </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Jungeun was out with Sooyoung again. She hadn't let Jinsoul keep her immobile for any longer than a day and night. The healing would take longer and Jinsoul knew each step would still hurt, but she'd also known full well that Jungeun wouldn’t listen to her. Jinsoul didn't think the leg would be the problem now, even if it was hurting her. Before she'd hurt her leg, she'd been coming back the last time with flecks of blood still on her neck, missed when she’d tried to wash the rest off.</p><p>Jinsoul worried about what the next time would bring. Time was wearing Jungeun down more than any injury could. </p><p>And there was still the question of why she hadn’t gone away yet. Jinsoul hadn’t asked yet. She was almost afraid that she’d hear when that’d be. </p><p>“Dinner?” Haseul asked from the tent’s entrance. </p><p>“Hang on.” Jinsoul nodded to the water basin. She lifted her hands, separating it from everything that wasn’t water, before infusing it with moonlight. There was a sharp tug in her head with the exertion, but she kept going. Then she put it back into a clean basin. </p><p>“That’s still so cool,” Haseul said. “I’ve tried it a few times and it’s amazing to drink.” </p><p>They left the tent.</p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “I’m glad you like it.” </p><p>“A lotta people do.” She stretched her arms over her head. “If you could charge for it, I think you’d make a good profit.” </p><p>“It’s water and it’s light.” Jinsoul waved at the sky. "We're not really struggling for resources on that front.” </p><p>“But your energy's finite,” she said. “At least the nightly dose.” She pointed at her face. “Your eyes’re dim.” </p><p>“It’s been a long day?” </p><p>“Night,” Haseul winked, “but I get that.” She also looked tired. </p><p>“Where were you?” </p><p>“Mediterranean,” she said. “There were some spirits they wanted dealt with on the coast, so I passed on some spears to use.” Then she groaned. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul looked over. “Does your head hurt?”</p><p>“No,” Haseul sighed, “I’m an idiot.” She squeezed her arm. “Next time, you’re coming with me.” </p><p>“I am?” </p><p>“You could join in the spirit hunting in the ocean,” she replied. "Sounds good, doesn't it?” Her brow rose. </p><p>Jinsoul grinned. “It does.” In the back of her mind, she wondered if there was any way for Jungeun and Yerim to come with her. They could come with, but they couldn’t go into the sea, not even if she gave them air to breathe. Waiting on the beach could be nice, but the Mediterranean was well populated with both mortals and immortals. Either the two would love it or they’d just go off into the nearest collection of trees together to hunt other spirits. </p><p>“What’s that face?” Haseul’s brow rose. “Second thoughts?”</p><p>Jinsoul blushed slightly. “No,” she said. “Just thinking.” </p><p>She nodded, but it didn’t look convinced. </p><p>They reached the fire pit. No one else was there. Either they were with others or busy somewhere else. </p><p>Jinsoul sat down. The fire burned without wood. Their fire-pit was always that way, almost always lit too, even when Jungeun was away.</p><p>“I don’t really know what we’re supposed to do,” Haseul said. </p><p>Jinsoul looked up. “With what?”</p><p>“Jungeun.” She sat down beside her. </p><p>She frowned. “But you’ve been helping her.” They’d always gone somewhere. Jungeun sought out those patrols more than she did with Yerim and Jinsoul. </p><p>“Helping,” Haseul repeated. “I don’t think we’re doing anything.” She met her eyes. “We talked about it once, but that doesn’t always help her.” </p><p>“Do you think she’ll be leaving again?” Jinsoul asked. She almost didn’t want to know. Jungeun had only needed to leave once, but her absence had been noticeable even then. </p><p>Haseul nodded. “But she doesn’t want to.” </p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>“She’s still here,” Haseul said. “If she’d wanted to, she would’ve gone the moment you got back. I think she thinks she can do that without it?” She frowned. “But it won’t work.” </p><p>Jinsoul watched the fire. It burned slower than the fire Jungeun used when fighting. It also wasn’t as bright, holding instead a warmer orange glow. The other fires she made sometimes had red in them. They had them more now too. </p><p>“But you’re helping,” Haseul said. “You know that, right?”</p><p>“I haven’t done anything.” </p><p>“You and Yerim just being with her is,” she trailed off, “it’s helping.” Then her eyes softened even more. “And you still wake her up when she needs it.” </p><p>“Or she just doesn’t sleep,” Jinsoul said. She’d thought Jungeun would eventually come back to the tent properly, but she’d only come back for brief sets of sleep that barely exceeded two hours. </p><p>“And the witches enable that,” Haseul sighed, “I’m just happy they never told her how to make it.” </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t surprised to know this’d been going on for longer. What made her wonder was the familiarity in Haseul’s voice. Hadn’t Jungeun always been alone when she was asleep? Then again, they’d been away for patrols together too. </p><p>“It’s good you went after her,” Haseul muttered, also looking at the fire now. “At first I thought, if anyone was going, it was supposed to be Soo and me.” She sighed. “But we weren’t going to go, because one, a good amount of her people aren’t that fond of us. Two, we’d thought Jungeun would want to do all that alone.” </p><p>And she’d done it alone. Jinsoul didn’t know how much Haseul knew of what’d actually happened.</p><p>“Did she tell you anything?”</p><p>“Enough,” Haseul replied. She opened her mouth, before closing it again. Jinsoul felt how Haseul’s eyes started to get teary, but she was holding them back. “And I know what it’d have felt like. Both sides.” She reached over and took her hand. It was a silent question. <em>Are you alright?</em></p><p>Jinsoul nodded. She knew full well that Haseul had painful stories of her own. She’d probably tell her if Jinsoul asked, but that wasn’t something she needed to say. Jinsoul knew Haseul wouldn’t want to either. </p><p>“Is there anything we should do?” Jinsoul asked instead. “Anything we can do?” </p><p>“We’ve always just let her do what she thinks is best,” Haseul said. “We’d all thought she’d learned to cope before she came here. I thought that too for a while.” She shook her head. “But they taught her was how to burn through it.” </p><p>“If things got bad before, I asked her what we were supposed to do,” Haseul continued. “The answer I got was somewhere between do nothing, and just listen to her.” She laughed, but it was short. “But how often do we even know what <em>we</em> need when things fall apart?” </p><p>Jinsoul didn’t reply. It was a subject she’d learned to be careful around. They’d rarely shied away from going to the fae for help, but they’d tried to help their own how they could. Some wanted to be alone, some needed company, while there were others who couldn’t bear either. </p><p>“What did you do before?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“A lot of what we’re doing now,” she replied. “Distracting her, letting her do whatever she thinks she needs to do, however she wants.” </p><p>Was that why Jungeun kept going away with them? Did she feel like she couldn’t do those things around them? </p><p>“It’s not because of you,” Haseul said. “Either of you.” </p><p>“What isn’t?” </p><p>She gave her a look. “She isn’t distancing herself from either of you. Not really.” Then she sighed. “I know what that looks like.” </p><p>The expression on her face was familiar. There was a sadness, joined in part with doubt. The only difference was that there wasn’t really any longing. </p><p>Was it because Jungeun didn’t do that anymore?</p><p>“She’s ashamed.” Haseul’s voice was hushed. She was looking to see if anyone was listening to them.</p><p>“And she isn’t with you?” </p><p>What would it have been like if she hadn’t acted the way she had before? Jungeun hadn’t hid those things. She’d told Jinsoul a lot, almost all of it without hiding her actions or motivations. </p><p>Except Jinsoul had never acted like Haseul or Sooyoung had. </p><p>“It’s because we’ve seen what we’re capable of,” Haseul said. “All three of us have done things we’re not proud of.” </p><p>“So have we,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>“I know,” she reached over and squeezed her arm, “but you didn’t enjoy it, did you? Either of you.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked away. </p><p>“That’s never meant we went out of our way for it,” Haseul’s voice sounded strained, “it just meant that we didn’t have to explain ourselves. At least not then.” </p><p>It made sense. Each of them had known well enough what burden the guilt and shame carried. Jinsoul had no idea what they’d done before. She didn’t know what it meant for them to be able to find solace in having only the three of them there. </p><p>“But I barely knew that she was having nightmares.” Haseul took a deep breath. “Only when we were out somewhere else and she was tired enough for me to take the watch instead of her, or—” She pushed out the air again, before giving a very clearly forced chuckle. “That is <em>not</em> how I expected this to go.” </p><p>What was that supposed to mean? Jinsoul was just about to ask. </p><p>“Honestly I’m actually a little surprised no one told you yet.” </p><p>It clicked then. </p><p>Then Haseul lifted a brow. “Is it that unexpected?” </p><p>“No,” Jinsoul said quickly, making sure she didn't look so surprised. It wasn't really that surprising. She’d even thought there’d been <em>something</em> in the beginning. </p><p>“There’s nothing now,” Haseul said. There was something else to the way she said it. “Hasn’t been for years actually.” </p><p>She hid her frown at the emphasis there. </p><p>Then Haseul cleared her throat. “I think I proved my point, right? Don’t worry that it’s the two of you, because it really isn’t.” </p><p>Jinsoul laughed slightly. “All this for that?”</p><p>She nodded. “You still don’t really believe me, so yes, all that.” Then she got up and summoned two bowls of moonlight. There was a look in her eye. </p><p>“And you’re not done yet,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>“You’re right.” Haseul winked at her. “But I’ll leave it short.” She filled the bowls with soup before handing one to her. “Everything you’re doing now is helping her, even if you can’t see it.” She summoned two spoons next. “And if she wanted to be alone, completely alone, she would be.”</p><p>Jinsoul accepted the spoon. They started eating. Haseul asked her about the healing tent and what she did there. They talked about another extended patrol. Jinsoul hadn’t often been on patrols with Haseul, let alone Sooyoung. They were either within their own ‘usual’ groups, or off doing whatever it was they did for the elders.  </p><p>They didn’t talk about Jungeun after that. Yeojin and Heejin joined them soon enough. Haseul’s smile turned cheeky as she started teasing Yeojin about their training the next night, with Heejin joining in. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t really spared from it, because neither Haseul nor Yeojin believed in leaving embarrassing magic slip ups in the past. </p><p>When Sooyoung and Jungeun came back, they were both unharmed. </p><p>She felt a knot in her stomach ease when she saw her. The corners of Jungeun’s mouth tugged up when she waved to them. Sooyoung sat down, but Jungeun walked away. She was limping.</p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t the only one who watched her go. Sooyoung’s shoulders had sagged when Jungeun had turned away, Haseul’s hands had tightened around her bowl, while Yeojin hadn’t been able to hide her disappointment, nor any of her sadness. Their conversation had a heavy undertone until Hyunjin proceeded to terrify all of them by recounting a mortal ghost story and combining it with a very disturbing facial expression. </p><p>Laughter filled the air. Jinsoul felt a lot lighter than she had in a few days, but she missed one particular laugh paired with bared teeth and a furrowed brow. It was almost strange how well she could see it behind her eyes. </p><p>She pushed it from her mind. </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Jungeun had felt their eyes on her as she’d left. It was almost entirely the reason she didn’t want to be there in the first place. Still, she felt guilty for not sitting down with them. </p><p>She was at the river now. The solitude was both a relief and a reminder of what she didn’t want to know. </p><p>It wasn’t quiet. It was spring, so the birds were starting to sing to each other. The wind still blew across her ears in soft waves of sound. The river was calm here, but still loud enough to drown out a little more of the silence. </p><p>Her leg ached. She wondered if Jinsoul might’ve been right that she should’ve waited to walk on it. </p><p>Except she could run with it fine. If she drank a healing draught, coupling it with moonlight-infused water, there was no pain. It was just wearing off now, so a part of it was burning, with the other being a very sharp pain each time there was a small movement in her leg. There was also a strange ache in her chest.</p><p>She wrapped some moonlight around it now. It took the edge away, but not all of it. At least she wasn’t sitting idly anymore. Being in the camp was worse than the pain of a bad leg. </p><p>It was impossible to hide from what’d happened. She could hide that she was grieving, but everyone knew that she was. She saw it in the eyes filled with sympathy or concern. Everyone seemed to expect her to crack, to lash out, or to break down. They were looking for something they could comfort. A problem they could fix. </p><p>The seers avoided her eyes when she was near. Eline wasn’t one of them, but even her gaze had softened some. Jungeun wondered if they’d known what she was going to do. She still didn’t know how the path of time was supposed to look for them. Had there been a shadow over her fate? A flicker in her path when she’d hunted them down? </p><p>Then she realised someone was coming. It was something she’d learned through the light, a way to feel how the light of her surroundings didn’t match that of a person. She looked into the light immediately, only to see that the person was absorbing some of that light. There were swathes of grey, but the light was still brighter than most. </p><p>“How’d you know I’d be here?” </p><p>“I’ve known you for a while," Jiwoo said. "I think I’d know where your favourite nesting places are.” </p><p>Jungeun huffed. “I’m not a bird.” </p><p>She just hummed. </p><p>Jungeun knew one reason why she was here. She appreciated it more than she’d have thought. </p><p>Jiwoo sat down beside her, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Are you doing that on purpose?” </p><p>“Doing what?” </p><p>“You’re not warm,” Jiwoo said. “I mean, you feel like a normal person, which’s practically cool.” </p><p>“Oh.” Jungeun leaned into her side. “I don’t feel that different.” It wasn’t really true, but she hadn’t paid any attention to if she was warm or cold. </p><p>“Okay.” She didn’t believe her. </p><p>Jungeun went back to watching the river.  She liked how the rushing water filled her ears. A deeper sort of calm settled in her. </p><p>“When’s that leg gonna be healed properly?” Jiwoo asked. “Not sure if the walk over here was good for it.” </p><p>“I hopped for some of it.”</p><p>“And now she’s a rabbit.” A small chuckle. “So you didn’t use a crutch?” </p><p>“I’m walking fine,” Jungeun gave her a look, “have you been talking to Jinsoul?”</p><p>Jiwoo shoved her lightly. “I have eyes. I can see you limping.”</p><p>“My leg works perfectly, thank you very much.” She pushed back. </p><p>Jiwoo laughed. “I thought you were supposed to be the mature one.” </p><p>“I am.” She knocked her head against Jiwoo’s. </p><p>They stayed there, heads leaned together. Jiwoo told her about the trip she’d had with Chaewon and Hyejoo. They’d been hunting in the mountains. Six spirit encounters. They hadn't been in the mountains for a while. </p><p>“There was a bat the size of a dog,” Jiwoo said. “Terrifying, but incredible.”</p><p>“There’s a lot of mountains,” Jungeun said. “Caves too.” She wanted to explore them, but she didn’t usually trust herself <em>not</em> to get lost. </p><p>“Should we go?” </p><p>“We will.” Jungeun smiled. “Some day.” </p><p>Jiwoo straightened then. “You’re leaving?” </p><p>She shrugged. “Not yet?” </p><p>Something crossed her features then, before it left. “Are you sure?” </p><p>Jungeun looked at her. She’d not planned on it any time soon, but she was going to. She was going to need time away. A lot of it. </p><p>“I wanted to try staying for a little longer,” Jungeun said. </p><p>“Don’t push it,” Jiwoo replied. “Especially if it’s not for you.” </p><p>She couldn’t help but frown. “It is.” </p><p>“Not completely,” Jiwoo said. “There’s a lot of riverbanks you can sit around.”</p><p>“Do you want me gone?” Jungeun chuckled. </p><p>“No.” She turned to face her and grabbed both her hands. “But you don’t like being here. Not when it’s like this.” </p><p>Jungeun blinked. Since when had Jiwoo known about that? She’d never had to give big reasons for why she needed to go. </p><p>“What,” Jiwoo smiled ever so slightly, “didn’t think we’d learn a few things about you?” She reached up to tap the space between her eyebrows, before frowning ever so slightly. “Did you?” </p><p>Jungeun just shrugged. </p><p>Jiwoo was still frowning, but she squeezed her hands. “Either way, I want you gone only because you want to go.”</p><p>“It won’t be like before,” Jungeun muttered. “It’ll be for a long time.”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter for how long it is.” She finally smiled then. “You do remember we’re immortal, right?”</p><p>Except she’d been with the others for a very long time. There were two who she hadn’t. The time she took away had the potential to be longer than the time she’d known them for. </p><p>“Oh.” Jiwoo was looking at her. “It’s because of them.” She didn’t sound surprised. “Do you want them to come with you?”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. It was the last thing she wanted. Not when she was like this. </p><p>“But you want them around?”</p><p>“No,” Jungeun said. Then she cringed. “Of course I want them around. They’re already—I mean,” she stopped herself. </p><p>“Family?” Jiwoo suggested. </p><p>She stared at her. “It’s too soon for that.” </p><p>“It’d be too soon if they were your favourite people,” Jiwoo said. She pursed her lips. “So friends?” Her brow rose, as if she knew very well the word didn’t fit either. </p><p>Jungeun thought about it. Yerim had quickly become a friend in the beginning, but now it was different too. She couldn’t describe how, only that she’d had the same feeling when she’d started to find a home among the Astra. </p><p>She didn’t know when Yerim had become closer to her than what she considered a friend. Jiwoo had been like that, with the constant insistence that she eat with them, or telling stories about all of the others, all while wearing a bright grin that was completely genuine. </p><p>Had it been when she’d started telling them about her life before? Or when they’d been in the north together? Maybe even just during one of their patrols?</p><p>Then there’d been what’d happened years after that. Yerim had known what she’d done. Jungeun also knew she’d seen it. She’d seen the haunted edge to her eyes on the way back. It’d never been there when she’d looked her way, but Jungeun had still seen it. </p><p>“You’re thinking about that long.” Jiwoo’s smile was gentle. </p><p>“Because it’s not that simple,” Jungeun said. “Jinsoul actually said it the best. Even if Yerim hasn’t been here long, it still feels like I’ve known her for decades.”</p><p>“And Jinsoul?” </p><p>“Jinsoul,” Jungeun repeated. </p><p>Jiwoo nodded. </p><p>She should’ve been able to answer that. They might’ve been friends at one point, but even that was different now, wasn’t it? </p><p>Jiwoo nodded again, a more subdued smile now. “Something else.”</p><p>Jungeun frowned at the wording. “Not like that.” A part of her heart twisted thinking about it. </p><p>Her brow shot up then. “At all?” </p><p>She almost said yes, but that was a lie. She didn’t know what she was actually supposed to say to that, or if she even could. </p><p>Then Jiwoo was shaking her head. “Forget I asked,” she said. “Sorry.” She looked away. </p><p>“It’s alright.” Jungeun tried for a smile. “I just don’t think I can give you that answer now.”</p><p>Jiwoo leaned back against the tree again. She almost looked at a loss. </p><p>Jungeun closed her eyes, feeling the guilt start to wash over her again. “But you’re right,” she said. “I’ll have to leave soon.” </p><p>The hand around hers tightened. </p><p>The birds were getting a bit louder now. It'd be morning soon. The ache in her chest had strengthened. </p><p>“I don’t want to.” </p><p>“Why?” Jiwoo’s voice was hushed, as if she wanted to keep from disturbing the bird songs. </p><p>“Honestly,” Jungeun laughed slightly, “I don’t want to be alone out there.”</p><p>“Sua’s in one of the rainforests,” she replied. “You could meet them there.” </p><p>It was a good idea. She couldn’t be there long, not like she was, but for a short time it’d work. </p><p>“Why else don’t you want to go?” </p><p>“To prove I don’t have to go somewhere,” Jungeun admitted. “You’re all expecting me to leave, because it’ll help me—and you’re all right—but I don’t want that to be the only way this’ll get better.”</p><p>“It won’t be,” Jiwoo said. “It’ll take more than just time away to heal that.”</p><p>Jungeun opened her eyes. That was only a story to her. Jiwoo had lost her father to spirits when she was young, maybe Yerim’s age. He’d lost his mind to the darkness, something no one could heal. </p><p>“But you need to take that time, for as long as you need,” she continued. “To start to heal the worst of it.” Her arm went back around her. “And maybe I’ll pay you a little visit if you end up missing me too much.” </p><p>Jungeun laughed slightly. </p><p>Jiwoo’s smile was a little brighter. </p><p>The birds were still singing. The river still flowed by.</p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Someone was following them. </p><p>Jungeun turned to the other two. </p><p>“I know they’re there,” Jinsoul said. Her eyes were somewhere else. </p><p>Jungeun looked down only to see that her hands were shaking. She forced them to stop.</p><p>“You both need to go,” she said. No one had ever come after them when Yerim and Jinsoul were there with her. She needed to keep it that way. </p><p>“What?” Yerim frowned. “We can’t leave.” </p><p>“You will.” Jungeun looked to Jinsoul. “You have to.” She saw the moment Jinsoul wanted to say no. “Please.” Then she ran, knowing full well she’d out pace them. </p><p>Footsteps, before someone stumbled. </p><p>“We have to go with her,” she heard Yerim say. “What if something happens?</p><p>“We’ll be here,” Jinsoul said. Neither of them followed. </p><p>Jungeun wished they wouldn’t be, but they’d have never gone. It was almost a good thing. Almost. </p><p>There was a surge of air that blasted her off to the side. </p><p>There was a loud crash as she broke through a tree. She shot fire in their direction, several bursts of it. </p><p>When she landed, it was on her bad leg. She bit down a cry, as she scrambled across the ground. She took deep breaths as she ran, sending fire across the air and drawing out her axe in the next moment. </p><p>She heard a scream when one of the blasts of fire struck him. </p><p>The air turned cold, launching her across the forest again. Then there was a sharp pain in her lungs. He’s changed something in her chest. She couldn't breathe.</p><p>Jungeun forced herself back up. The pain in her leg was stronger too. </p><p>She didn’t breath. She threw a wall of fire, following it with more gusts of flames, before throwing a knife at where she’d seen him. The flames were all extinguished. </p><p>There was the sound of an impact and a sharp intake of breath. </p><p>It still hurt when she took in her next breath, but it was easier. She summoned more fire. </p><p>She heard him scream. </p><p>And then she couldn’t breathe again. </p><p>Jungeun stumbled. Wasn’t he too hurt to use his magic? </p><p>She coughed. </p><p>The trees were burning. The ground was charred. He was still screaming. </p><p>And then her back hit the ground. The impact knocked the breath out of her. She didn’t move, caught in a daze. She had to move. </p><p>The sky peered through the branches. There was the crackling of fire. She knew how it looked, but she couldn’t see it. </p><p>And then there was a face above hers. She recognised the eyes. A brilliant green, bright. They were filled with anger. </p><p>“I didn’t recognise her,” he hissed. “Or any of them.” </p><p>There was a pressure on her hand then. Two fingers broke. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t scream. Instead she forced the hand up, gripping his shoulder. Her hand started to burn. </p><p>The sound that left his mouth then made her flinch. She yanked him onto the ground, before encircling his limbs with moonlight. His eyes were quickly filling with terror. </p><p>The strangled shrieks kept coming. She could feel the air changing, but she didn’t let go. Her hand felt numb. His clothes burned. </p><p>“St—stop,” he gasped. “Please.” </p><p>Jungeun stopped. Burns covered the skin on his shoulder, an angry red without blood, as though she’d burned that away too.</p><p>Her own hand looked the same, but it was joined with portions of black. Even on the back of it. She hadn’t had a burn like that in so many years. She couldn't feel it, or even the pain of the broken fingers. </p><p>“Do you know what happened?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>He was crying. He might’ve still been able to use his magic, but he wasn’t. Or he couldn’t. “You killed them—all of them.” </p><p>“Why?” She’d seen those same eyes fill with agony. She knew how they’d looked when the life had left them. </p><p>He didn’t answer. </p><p>“Answer me.” She summoned a blade of moonlight in her other hand. </p><p>“One of yours was killed.” He coughed once. “But that was deserved.” </p><p>Jungeun saw the wound where her dagger had got him in the chest. She sank the moonlight into it. </p><p>He screamed. </p><p>“So you knew I killed them,” Jungeun said. “And you don’t know why.” She ripped the blade out. It melted into her skin. </p><p>He was shaking his head. “If you’re going to kill me, kill me.” </p><p>He didn’t know why. He’d come alone. They didn’t send him. They couldn’t have. </p><p>She pulled him up with her good hand, before driving her other hand into his chin. His head snapped back before he fell back to the ground, unconscious.</p><p>She checked his pulse. He was alive. She hadn’t used too much strength. </p><p>Would he live from the other wounds? She checked where the knife had gone. It shouldn’t have reached the heart and he was breathing. </p><p>She saw the burn again. She’d covered others with them, or even worse. It was how they’d always known it was her and not another fire-wielder. </p><p>Her breath was strained. She could feel the pressure within her chest, followed by a stinging pain. From her leg came a dull agony.</p><p>“Jungeun?” </p><p>She looked up, getting to her feet immediately. Pain shot through her chest again. Broken ribs. “You were supposed to go.” </p><p>But that meant he could be healed before he was sent back, didn’t it? </p><p>Jungeun nearly shrank away from their gazes. There was fire in the trees still. She took it away. The ground was partially ash, but only in patches. </p><p>“He needs to go to his people," Jungeun said. He’d come back, maybe with more. “He needs to be healed.” </p><p>His people had known what had happened before it had. They’d planned it. They’d agreed to take her, to torture her, and then—</p><p>“Your hand.” Jinsoul was in front of her now. </p><p>Jungeun stepped back. “It’ll heal.” She looked to the fallen elf. “He needs it more than I do.” Yerim was peeling away his shirt, or tatters of it. There were other burns Jungeun hadn’t seen. They weren’t as red. </p><p>“Can you feel anything, or move it?” Jinsoul asked. She sounded scared. “Getting back any of that will take years without magic.” </p><p>It was good if she was weaker. </p><p>“Just let me put a bit of water on it,” Jinsoul said. “I don’t know what happens if you leave it untreated for too long.” </p><p>“I burned him,” Jungeun walked past her and to the elf, “that’s the same burn.” </p><p>“No it isn’t. We’ll get him healed fully, before sending him back. I need—let me heal your hand.” The fear had left her voice. It was the voice she usually used when she healed another. </p><p>Jungeun watched as Yerim started to carve a healing rune into the ground. Yerim would right the trees again. She’d had to do it before. Now she’d heal the burn Jungeun had made. It looked like a brand in the shape of her hand. </p><p>“I know how,” Jinsoul said. “Just let me.”</p><p>She knew how. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “You can’t.” </p><p>She frowned, both worry and confusion filling her eyes. Jungeun remembered when they'd been filled with anger. That outrage should've never left. </p><p>”These were the burns you healed before.” </p><p>How could Jinsoul look at her and not see all of those burns? How could she see Jungeun's hand and want to heal it?</p><p>Jinsoul’s brow furrowed. Then her eyes widened. “Jungeun, wait—I didn’t mean—“ </p><p>“You did.” Jungeun was cold. After a burn, you lost your own heat. She hadn’t had that in a while. “The ones you helped, the ones you couldn’t save, you—“ </p><p>“He doesn’t need to be saved,” Jinsoul said then, voice sharpened ever so slightly. Her eyes were warm. “Neither do you. These’re just burns and they're ones you’ll both heal from.” </p><p>He’d pleaded for her to stop. He hadn’t even tried to kill her when she had. He’d only wanted the pain to stop. He'd wanted to survive her.</p><p>“Jungeun.” There was a glow in the air. “Hold this.” </p><p>She watched as a piece of moonlight flew from Yerim to her. It fell into her good hand, giving her warmth. She wanted to drop it. </p><p>Warm fingers were on her arm. They didn’t go around her wrist, but they were close to it. </p><p>“Please,” Jinsoul‘s voice was still so gentle, “let me.” The water was already there, gently glowing with threads of moonlight. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything. She didn’t move when Jinsoul slowly turned her hand over so that the palm faced up. She ignored how Jinsoul gasped. </p><p><em>How much did you see?</em> she wanted to ask. She didn’t want to know the answer, but she couldn’t see it in either of their faces. Did that mean they’d seen little? Or that they were hiding it?</p><p>The water started to wrap around her hand. </p><p>Jungeun pulled away. “Stop.” She flinched. The water fell away. “I need to see if anyone else is here.” </p><p>Jinsoul took a step forward. </p><p>“Please," Jungeun said. The word made her feel sick. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. Her eyes didn’t leave Jungeun’s.</p><p>She left then. She felt pathetic, limping through the forest, cradling a mangled hand that’d been burned by her own magic. Flames hadn’t hurt her since she was a child, one scared by the roaring flames and heat she hadn’t been able to control.</p><p>Jungeun forced back her tears and kept walking. </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>She found her cradling her hand. She’d wrapped it in moonlight, but the skin was still mottled. It would’ve looked like that even if she’d let Jinsoul heal her, but it might’ve not hurt as much. </p><p>Jinsoul went over to her. Her head was pounding, but it was slowly getting better. </p><p>Jungeun looked up. There was so little light in her eyes. Then the corner of her lip tugged up. “Done for the night?” </p><p>She nodded, lifting a waterskin. “Want some?” It was for the pain, but she didn’t say that. </p><p>Thankfully, Jungeun accepted it. </p><p>Jinsoul sat down beside her. The air wasn’t warm. She forced herself not to look at her hand. </p><p>“Yerim sent him through the earth. We also had a piece of moonlight with him.” Yerim had gone to talk to Hyunjin about something. She’d been getting closer to both Hyunjin and Hyejoo now, going on repeated patrols too. It was a far cry to how it’d been in the beginning. </p><p>“A warning,” Jungeun said. She sounded tired. </p><p>“A message.”</p><p>She looked down away, swallowing once. </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to reach for her. Instead she started making tea. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything, but she made the flame rise higher to reach the pot. It still had flickers of red. </p><p>She dropped the leaves into the water, letting it swirl and diffuse. </p><p>Jungeun summoned two cups of moonlight and Jinsoul filled them. Holding the light, Jinsoul felt her headache ease a little bit more. </p><p>“Isn’t this what you give for colds?” </p><p>“If your hand gets infected, then you might need it.” </p><p>Jungeun was quiet. </p><p>Had she said the wrong thing? </p><p>“Is the light not enough?” Jungeun looked at the waterskin. “And this?” </p><p>“To heal the muscle, to get the feeling and control back—you need more of it.”</p><p>“You mean I need a healer.”</p><p>Jinsoul shook her head. “You need the runes, ointments, and healing draughts. I can give you those, but the rest you can do yourself.” Just as long as Jungeun wanted it healed, that was alright. “How’s your leg?” </p><p>“I think I hurt it again,” Jungeun said. “Would it be healed by now if I’d have listened to you?” She wasn't looking at her. </p><p>“Maybe?” It’d only been a few weeks. The muscles had to have been mostly healed by now, but the bone was still fragile. The fight must’ve pulled at the weaknesses in it. </p><p>Then Jungeun chuckled, before wincing. Something was wrong with her chest too. “You can say I told you so if you want.” </p><p>“I don’t,” Jinsoul admitted. “But I could cast a quick spell for it?” <em>Or your hand</em>. </p><p>She shook her head. “Not if you have a headache.” She pointed at her forehead. “Which you do.”</p><p>Jinsoul lifted a brow. “And how do you know that?” </p><p>“You had a little bit of a tightness in your face when you got here,” Jungeun looked at her, “it’s a little less now, I think, but you still have it.” Her hand drew back and she looked away. </p><p>The pain in her head was a lot less now. She wondered if that’d be enough for Jungeun to let her heal her.</p><p>“I’ll do it.” Jungeun started tracing in a healing rune into the ground. A sheet of light appeared in the next moment, wrapping around her leg. </p><p>Jinsoul watched as Jungeun grimaced slightly, before the tension in her face eased a bit after she cast it. </p><p>“I’m sorry for earlier,” Jungeun said. “You both wanted to help and I,” she paused, “I left you there.” </p><p>Jinsoul actually thought it’d been better that Jungeun hadn’t stayed there. A part of her was still surprised that Jungeun had spared him. The other felt ashamed for even thinking that. </p><p>She hadn’t left them either. She’d helped herself. </p><p>“It’s alright,” Jinsoul said. It wasn’t enough, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything that would lead to another discussion. She wanted to tell her that her having healed those burns before didn’t mean that Jungeun’s own burns couldn’t be healed. </p><p>Jungeun nodded, but it wasn’t in agreement. She didn’t want a discussion either. Jinsoul wasn’t sure what she wanted. Was it good that she was there? Or was she supposed to leave now?</p><p>“Did you eat yet?” Jungeun asked, nodding at one of the many pots they’d placed around the fire. Those heated better than moonlight did. “Heejin’s pot still has some sort of bread soaked in egg. They put bananas on it, even used up Hyunjin’s stock of chocolate.” </p><p>Jinsoul leaned forward and opened it. She was greeted with a wonderful scent. “How was it?”</p><p>“I ate four pieces.” She leaned forward and opened the lid of another. “But I think you should probably have something before hand. Leave it for dessert.” </p><p>“I might want to have two pieces,” Jinsoul fished one out with her fork, carefully not to let it drip too much. </p><p>Jungeun gave her a tiny smile, before lifting her good hand. Jinsoul felt the air warm slightly, before the crust of the bread started to curl a bit. Then the air was colder again. </p><p>They were quiet as Jinsoul started to eat. Jungeun had turned her attention to a map she hadn’t noticed was there. </p><p>“Where is that?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“Americas,” Jungeun replied. “Southern part.” She traced along a winding stretch of blue that went through almost the entire northern part of the landmass. “I don’t know exactly, but I think that’s one of the largest rivers in the world.” Her eyes were distant. “I want to see it.” </p><p>“Have you ever been to that continent?” Jinsoul knew they were close to a specific subject. It was one she didn’t really want to address. </p><p>She nodded. “But I steered clear of the rainforest. Used to think it’d be a prime place for,” she stopped, coughing once. She winced, one hand twitching to her side. Broken ribs. She didn’t finish the sentence. </p><p>“Used to?” Jinsoul repeated. She wondered if Jungeun wasn’t saying more, because she was once again too aware of her own actions. She wondered if Jungeun would start trying to hide more because of what had happened. She hoped that wouldn’t be true. </p><p>“After I went to the southern ice planes,” Jungeun shrugged, “a jungle doesn’t feel like it’ll be all that terrifying.” </p><p>“You’ve also been in the ocean,” she added. </p><p>Jungeun met her eyes, giving another small nod. “I have.” She looked back to the map and rolled it up with her good hand. “What happens when it’s humid? Can you change it?”</p><p>“I usually don’t,” Jinsoul said. “Especially when I can make the air cooler that way. I can’t do that when it’s dry.” </p><p>“Air-wielders can’t really do much about it directly,” Jungeun said. The mention of an air wielder didn't seem to bother her. “They have to push that air up, hoping they’ll move it away, but it’ll end up coming back.” She wrinkled her nose. </p><p>“I’m guessing it’s uncomfortable for you too?”</p><p>The corner of her lip twitched upwards. “Very. It’s weirdly warm, it doesn’t leave my skin for long, and I breathe it in too.” She tossed the map to several other rolls of paper on the ground. </p><p>“When we go there, I can get rid of what’s around you,” Jinsoul said. She set down her plate. She hadn’t been able to finish the second one. </p><p>Jungeun looked up then. Jinsoul couldn’t read that. Had she said something wrong? </p><p>“You’d want to go?” She sounded surprised. </p><p>“I would,” Jinsoul said. “Wouldn’t you?” For a moment, she wondered if that had shifted as well. Would Jungeun not want the three of them to go anywhere anymore? Would the risk of someone coming after her stop that?</p><p>Jungeun’s gaze fell again. Jinsoul saw then that she was afraid of that. </p><p>“It isn’t different than before,” Jungeun said quietly. “But it feels like that.” </p><p>Jinsoul almost asked her what she meant, but Jungeun’s eyes were on her hand. </p><p>“I don’t know why it’s changed,” she shook her head, “it shoulnd't—her death shouldn’t have changed it.” Her voice wasn’t faltering. “Not that.”</p><p>“Everything can change,” Jinsoul replied. “They’re usually the centre of so much of our life. At first. Losing them doesn’t just lead to grief.” Was she doing the right thing in addressing it? Or was she supposed to move on from it?</p><p>Jungeun looked confused. Then there was the realisation. Her mouth pressed into a line, but she didn’t avoid her eyes this time. There was a question in her eyes. </p><p>“I couldn’t go into the sea after my father died,” Jinsoul said. “It didn’t matter if I was on the opposite side of the world.” Then she paused. “Do you want to hear this?” </p><p>“Only if you want to tell me,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>Jinsoul looked to see if there was a falter in her expression. Was Jungeun saying that for her sake or Jinsoul’s?</p><p>Jungeun nodded then. Jinsoul still didn’t know which question that answered. </p><p>“My dad was killed in the sea,” Jinsoul said. They’d executed him, but she didn’t say that. </p><p>“Arcsa?” </p><p>“There’s a lot of conflict below the surface,” she replied. “It’s like land. You just don’t see their wars.” </p><p>Jungeun nodded. She still didn’t look as if she wanted to drop the subject, but she also wasn’t making any move to continue it. Jinsoul could’ve described the different societies, how they’d gone in and out of conflicts with each other, or other coastal Arcsans, including Jinsoul’s people. It wasn’t important. Not now.</p><p>“My father taught me how to breathe underwater,” Jinsoul said. “How to survive the pressures of the deep sea.” She smiled. “He and the others used that to do what they could to help below the surface. When that meant taking a side, they did that too.” Her heart still ached. Even now. “So they took him prisoner when one side lost.” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes shut for a moment, before opening again. She knew well enough what had happened. Thankfully, she wouldn’t have to say it. </p><p>Jinsoul took her good hand. “I couldn’t breathe in salt water for a long time.”</p><p>Surprise appeared, before it was replaced by something else. There was a fine line between sympathy and understanding. Sympathy had been what she’d seen the first time she hadn’t been able to save someone. Understanding was when she’d sought out healers to help train her more, because of it. </p><p>Jungeun had that expression now. She wouldn’t try to comfort her, because she knew those wounds were scars now. </p><p>Except Jungeun was the one who’d just lost her mother. </p><p>“Did you have to learn it again?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>It hadn't been about learning it. There'd been training and her mother had tried to ease her into the water as Jinsoul had Jungeun. It hadn't worked then. </p><p>“I needed to learn that it wasn’t the reason I’d lost him.” </p><p>In the next moment, she felt the tears start to form in Jungeun’s eyes. </p><p>“Jungeun,” she started, “I’m sorry, I—”</p><p>She shook her head. “It’s good you said that.” She looked to the sky then. “You’re right.” She squeezed her hand. </p><p><em>Then why does it feel like I made it worse?</em> Jinsoul held her words back. </p><p>“She said I looked happier.” Jungeun’s eyes were glassy, but the expression in them hadn’t faltered. “I think she was right.” </p><p>What could she say to that? Jungeun had looked happier than Jinsoul had seen her be before. There’d been a new lightness to her smiles then. </p><p>That’d been before. No smile she’d had after had had any of that light. </p><p>“Fire’s always been inherent to why my life is the way it is,” Jungeun said. “It’s not this time, but it’s still been changed.” Her burnt hand was on her lap. It hadn’t moved. </p><p>It felt like ice had settled into her chest then. She remembered when Thea had tried to tell her more about Jungeun’s life. She remembered how Thea had felt responsible for it. </p><p>“But it’s not the reason she’s gone.” Jungeun closed her eyes. Tears fell. She lifted her hand to her face and wiped them away. When she opened them, the look in her eyes almost made Jinsoul look away. </p><p>She knew why. There were ten others who were gone.</p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>The reason for it hadn’t been subtle at all, but it’d been decided that they’d go to the sea. All eleven of them. </p><p>Haseul had brought the idea to them with a broad grin, but it’d been impossible to miss the hope in her eyes. </p><p>At first, they’d wanted to go to a random part of the ocean, but after Jinsoul had told them the waters were safest around land-based Arcsan camps, they’d agreed to go to her people. </p><p>But they’d set up camp a small way’s away. Sooyoung had insisted it was because Chaewon and Hyejoo would end up making enemies of Arcsans if they were allowed to roam free, while Haseul just said eleven Astrans in one place was alarming to some people. </p><p>That hadn’t meant they’d not seen their people. A group, no doubt led by either Sehun or Eunbi, had come along with enough food and drink that Jiwoo’s and Hyejoo’s screeches of excitement would’ve alerted just about anyone within miles, even under the surface. </p><p>Hyunjin and Heejin had looped Jungeun in with them for an Arcsan game none of them understood. Jungeun hadn’t touched any of the drink, but there was still a bit more ease in how she carried herself. No matter how slight it was, it was enough. Hyunjin hadn’t been one of the people to express her worries about Jungeun, but she hadn’t left her side today. </p><p>Jinsoul had been pulled into rounds of conversation herself, mostly for her to explain a story from her ‘youth’, as Yerim liked to put it. </p><p>“They laughed when I started talking about Argus,” Hyewon said. “Did you tell them about him?”</p><p>Jinsoul sent Yeojin and Chaewon a pointed look. “Not him,” she replied. “They’re all convinced befriending a sea slug is hilarious.” </p><p>She frowned. “But they’re,” she glanced at the other two, “how did you even describe them?”</p><p>Jinsoul had an idea then. “How many do you think you could take there?” she asked it in <em>arcesh</em>. Chaewon would understand a small amount of it, but not enough to spoil the surprise. “Or is that not allowed?”</p><p>Hyewon grinned. “It’s allowed.” She looked over. “How many do we take?” </p><p>She wanted to say all of them, but she didn’t think it’d be the best idea. </p><p>“Yerim!” She waved to her. </p><p>The girl in question ran over, her eyes bright. </p><p>“Feel like meeting the sea slugs I told you about?” </p><p>Yerim’s smile grew, amusement flashing across her face. “Definitely.” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded to Hyewon. “Don’t let the fish come. I want us to be able to come back here without them being scared.” </p><p>Hyewon bowed her head. “We’ll have fun, don’t worry.” </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she trusted the look in her eyes, but the other three looked excited enough. </p><p>She watched them go into the ocean, still chattering. It was very different to when another had gone into the water with her. </p><p>Jinsoul looked back, only to see her at Haseul’s side now. She was smiling. </p><p>So she went into the water herself. </p><p>In the distance, she could hear Hyewon explaining something, before there was a brief shriek, followed by a chorus of laughter. Chaewon was laughing too, but Jinsoul heard a few curses in between that too. </p><p>She swam a bit deeper into the sea, letting herself hover in the water for a few minutes. A fish came by. It asked her if she was alright. </p><p>She hadn’t said it aloud much, but she missed the creatures of the ocean. There might’ve been moments where she couldn’t say certain things, mostly because they didn’t really understand what humans were, let alone spirits, because they couldn’t see them. </p><p>She surfaced after meeting a whale’s new daughter. She could hear the chatter and the laughter from the beach. She swam in the other direction. </p><p>Her mother was where she usually was, sitting on the shore atop a large rocky platform. About two centuries before, someone had told her she would never be able to move rock with the current. She’d carved out a large piece of stone from beneath the surface and dragged it onto the beach. It was practically her study now. </p><p>“I never would’ve thought there’d be Astran festivities here.” Lanah grinned. “I’d go, but I think the age is still well under mine.” </p><p>She had a sneaking suspicion of why her mother hadn’t come further down the beach, but she didn’t say it.</p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Just a few centuries.” </p><p>A large drop of water fell over her head. </p><p>Then her mother pulled her into her arms. </p><p>Jinsoul sank into them. </p><p>“How’s Jungeun?” Lanah brushed a hand through her hair.</p><p>She pulled away. “How did you know?”</p><p>“Thea might not have had the same stories around her like her daughter, but many knew of her.” A pause. “And what happened after.” </p><p>Jinsoul winced. It would be another story they’d tell. It wasn’t one anyone could exaggerate or excuse. No one could look past it. </p><p>“And that’s why you’re here?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “It actually wasn’t my idea.” That the others had decided the ocean was the place to come was a surprise in and of itself. </p><p>“And she isn’t afraid of the water?” Lanah looked out at it. “I thought fire elves were weakened by it.”</p><p>“She was afraid,” Jinsoul said. <em>Terrified</em>. She hadn't really told anyone about that. “But now that she’s seen more, it’s,” she hesitated, “different.” She remembered how at ease she’d seemed when they’d been on the beach, but also on the ice.</p><p>Lanah smiled. “You shouldn’t be here long then,” she pulled the water from Jinsoul’s hair and clothes, “they’ll be missing you.” </p><p>“I love you.” Jinsoul gave her one more hug. </p><p>“I love you too,” Lanah murmured. “So much."</p><p>There were hints of singing joining the night. Either Jiwoo had decided to pull Sooyoung and Haseul in for the festivities, or Eunbi had instigated something. She’d find out soon enough. </p><p>Jinsoul jogged back. </p><p>Chaewon immediately pounced on her. “You didn’t tell me they were as big as horses!” she screamed in her ear. “And they <em>glow</em>?” She was punching her arm. </p><p>Jinsoul laughed. Loud. </p><p>Yeojin joined in, while Yerim was staying back. Hyejoo was beside her and they were both laughing. </p><p>“I told you they’re wonderful creatures,” Jinsoul said. “But that includes the tiny ones.” She pushed them both off her, massaging the spaces that’d been punched. Chaewon had probably landed most of them. </p><p>“Next time you tell us about some friend of yours, you better tell us if it’s the size of a bear or not.” Yeojin gave her a look, before pulling her up. “And I need more tours of the ocean.” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “You’ll get them,” she promised. “Want one now?”</p><p>She shuddered. “It was terrifying seeing it for the first time.”</p><p>It was such a familiar sight. Jinsoul kept her smile there. “Then we leave it for next time.” She squeezed her arm before looking at the rest who were there. Hyejoo was dragging Yeojin to the bonfire in the centre. She was gushing about a food from below the surface. Jinsoul had seen her excited before, but to have it be here at her old home over things she’d grown up with, she felt a wave of emotion rise within her.</p><p>She didn’t find her at first. There were a few elves here with lighter hair, but it didn’t take long for her to know they weren’t her. She’d almost started looking for her along the beach when she saw her sitting on the other side of the bonfire. Her eyes were on the flames and Jinsoul saw she was moving parts around it around, including the sparks that rose at the top. No one was beside her this time, but she saw how people looked over, either concerned, confused, or wondering if they could approach her or not.</p><p>Jungeun caught her eye and gave her a small smile, before looking back at the fire. There was nothing cold about it or even subdued, but it was a clear message. </p><p>So Jinsoul didn’t go over to her. She went instead to where Hyunjin was. </p><p>And then they demanded a demonstration of the drinking game, except they had to take one Astran with them. Since Jinsoul was both, she had to take two people along with her. </p><p>That meant that when she lost, she was dragging a terrified Heejin and Hyunjin through the water. They saw a whale and promptly demanded to go back to the surface. Both shared the punishment of a large cask of a drink only produced in the underwater Arcsan cities. They spat it out at the same time too. </p><p>Jungeun had come to her side after they’d surfaced. The air was a little warmer this time. When Jungeun’s arm brushed hers, she realised her skin shared that warmth too. </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>Jinsoul woke with what might’ve been the worse headache of the century. It was the type she could relieve by swimming as far as she could into the depths, before coming back. Or she could drink light-infused water. </p><p><em>Or both</em>, she thought, cleaning her teeth. Jungeun was fast asleep, strewn across the bedroll, but there were no burn marks across it. </p><p>Yerim wasn’t there, even though it was barely late afternoon yet. </p><p>Jinsoul left the tent, only to see three people passing a telescope around, staring at it with wide eyes. </p><p>“Hi?” </p><p>They jumped, immediately turning to her. </p><p>“Find something on the beach?” Jinsoul asked, nodding to the object they held. </p><p>“Um,” Hyejoo looked to the other two, “yeah?” </p><p>Jinsoul lifted a brow. </p><p>“How did they get this to work?” Hyunjin asked. “I can see the waves all the way over there.” She pointed at the horizon. “I even saw people from the camp. Their <em>faces</em>. All the way from here.” </p><p>“Glass and metal,” Jinsoul said. “The way they explained it at the time was they used mirrors and specific lenses.” </p><p>“What’s a lens?” Hyejoo lifted a brow. </p><p>“Something made out of glass,” she replied. “I stopped understanding it after they tried to explain why the mirror’s used.” Then she nodded at the compass Yerim was holding. “Where’d you get that?” </p><p>“Can we tell her?” Yerim asked, looking to Hyunjin and Hyejoo. </p><p>Hyunjin shrugged. “It was your idea.” Despite the nonchalance, there was a bright smile on her face. </p><p>All three of them looked excited. Yerim had a little bit of hesitance in her eyes. </p><p>It made Jinsoul feel more than a little nervous. </p><p>“See that?” Hyunjin pointed down the coast. </p><p>She looked, only to see a very familiar form. “There’s a boat here?” Were there any mortals nearby? It was risky being on this area. Sailors knew that well enough. It wasn’t like the elves in the Mediterranean and other parts of the sea, ones where mortals had made stories about monsters or temptresses on the coasts. </p><p>“Yours,” Hyejoo said. “Technically ours, because we’ll probably end up—ow!” She scowled at Hyunjin. “It’s true.” </p><p>“We looked for ships that was big enough for a group, but were still small enough that you wouldn’t need a huge crew.” Yerim was leaning from one foot to another. She looked nervous.</p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “Are you forgetting that I don’t need sails? Or a crew?” Even if she’d had one before. </p><p>“But what if you don’t have time?” Hyunjin threw an arm around her shoulders. “Then we’ll be scrambling on one of those huge ships, more incapable than mortals.” She grimaced. “Sounds horrible.” </p><p>“And why’s it mine?" Jinsoul asked. "At least in the non-technical sense?” </p><p>“You have first priority for it!” Yerim’s smile was starting to grow. “You love sailing almost as much swimming.” Then she grabbed her hand. “Come on.” </p><p>And then they were running across the beach. Hyunjin and Hyejoo made it a race, with Hyunjin in the lead, while Yerim laughed at both. Jinsoul wondered then if Yerim had been meant to be part of two groups of three. That‘d be a fate Jinsoul wouldn’t question. </p><p>Hyunjin ended up winning and Hyejoo howled that she’d cheated. Then the two of them straightened at the same time, turning to Jinsoul with hopeful expressions. </p><p>“Do you like it?” Yerim asked. </p><p>The wood barely creaked beneath her feet. Something about it was more comfortable against her skin, either the lack of it burning her toes or the small sloping in the wood. Yerim’s work. </p><p>“I love it.” Jinsoul went to the helm. “How’d you get it?” The sails were almost in perfect condition. It was a brand new ship. </p><p>“First we asked Yeri and she said we’d need a mountain of gold to get a huge one and a slightly smaller one for something like this.” Hyejoo hopped onto the rigging on the side. “But with enough jobs and some connections,” she winked, “we put together the gold and silver for this. And a few bonuses.” She lifted the telescope. “Do you actually use this?” </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. </p><p>Hyejoo leaned forward, holding it to her eye. If she let go, she’d fall straight into the sea. “So, am I the beautiful sailor, or not?” </p><p>“Not.” Hyunjin shook the rigging, making Hyejoo shriek and jump down. One of the started sprinting around the deck, while the other chased her. The telescope had been put down on the ground, out of harm’s way. Jinsoul had no idea when Hyejoo had found the time or the care to do that. </p><p>“So is this where you and the other two start being pirates?” </p><p>“I was thinking all of us, but we don’t tell Haseul what we’re doing,” Yerim replied. “If all ships are like this, I’d be the best pirate of all.” She looked at the mast. </p><p>A rope of wood broke from it and wrapped around Hyunjin, before pulled Hyejoo and her together. Soon after, it broke into several splinters under the force of both elves. </p><p>“You’re lucky we’re surrounded by wood!” Hyunjin called. “When we go to the ice caps, it’s over for you.” Then she met Jinsoul’s eye. “And you’re banned from even touching the snow.” </p><p>Jinsoul grinned. “And what about now?” She brought up some water. She froze it, before scattering it into snow. </p><p>“Especially now!” Hyunjin and Hyejoo disappeared belowdecks. “It’s an unfair advantage and you know it!” Hyunjin shouted from the cover. “And don’t even get me started on those massive things in the ocean.”</p><p>“They’re whales!” Jinsoul threw back. </p><p>“They’re terrifying!” Hyunjin’s voice cracked and Hyejoo burst into laughter. There were muffled sounds then and Jinsoul could only assume there’d be another chase. </p><p>“They’re in a good mood,” Yerim chuckled, “Hyunjin was scared you wouldn’t like it.” She looked up at her. “She also thought you’d cry.” </p><p>Jinsoul lifted a brow. “As if she’s not worse than I am. I can feel when she’s holding them back, you know.” </p><p>She gave her a look. </p><p>“Maybe we’re equal,” Jinsoul corrected. “But still.” </p><p>Yerim just smiled and went to the side of the ship facing the sea. </p><p>“So is there some voyage planned?” Jinsoul asked. “Is that why we’re all here?”</p><p>“Yes and no?” Yerim’s gaze softened. “We—I thought you and Jungeun would want to spend some time on the ship.” Her hand traced the wood. “Out there, further away from land.” </p><p>“Only us?” Jinsoul wasn’t even sure if she was supposed to frown or smile. </p><p>“If you wanted that,” Yerim added that quickly, “Jungeun can’t exactly sail, but she’s been wanting to be on a ship. And like you said, you don’t need a crew.”</p><p>“You think that’d help?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Yerim replied. “But when the worst parts of my life were tied to water, I went to the mountains.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt a heaviness start to weigh on her. </p><p>Yerim reached for Jinsoul’s hand then. “It’s not like that anymore.”</p><p>She’d known that Jinsoul had felt that. Almost immediately. </p><p>“And you love the sea,” Yerim said. “And I want you to be out there.” Then she dropped her eyes. “But only if you want to.” </p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand. “I’d love to.” </p><p>Her head rose. “Really?” </p><p>She nodded. “Surprised?”</p><p>“Not really,” Yerim said. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.” She looked at the ship. “If I trained for it, I think I could actually move the ship along too, but not for a while.” </p><p>“You don’t want to come?” </p><p>“I do.” She nodded. “Next time.” She looked up at the ropes. “Maybe you can show me a little how to do all this.” She waved her hand and the mast curved to the right, before going to the left. “Because then we’d be able to swap if we went on some voyage together, right?” After a short moment, she said, “and Jungeun could steer?” </p><p>Jinsoul smiled. “We could make her the captain.” </p><p>Yerim grinned. “Or the cook.” </p><p>Jinsoul then pulled her into a tight embrace. “Thank you, Yerim.” </p><p>There were hurried steps too. </p><p>“We paid for a third of it!” </p><p>“Each,” Hyunjin added. </p><p>Jinsoul held out an arm, catching Hyunjin, before Hyejoo was also there. All four of them stumbled, before Hyunjin regained her balance and by effect theirs. </p><p>“Thank you both for this,” Jinsoul said. “But you can keep the compass.”</p><p>“And the scope-thing?” </p><p>“We’ll be keeping it.” </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p>“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jinsoul asked.</p><p>Jungeun smiled, but it looked tired. “Are you?”</p><p>If Jungeun being out at sea this way was something she’d enjoy, then she would be. </p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>Jinsoul took her hand and pulled her onto the ship. “It’ll sway.” The others were having lunch. A few of them were very much feeling the effects of the night before, but they'd all taken it well. </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “I’ve been on a boat before,” she squeezed her hand, “might not have the best sea legs, but I stopped throwing up the fifth time I went on one.” </p><p>She just shook her head. “But you were still scared of the water?” </p><p>“Terrified.” She looked out at the horizon. “Now I’m just cautious.” When she looked back at her, her smile had grown a bit more. “I wonder who’s to blame for that.” </p><p>Jinsoul hugged her next. She was warm. “I’m glad you came.” She'd almost been nervous when she'd told Jungeun about the boat, but it'd disappeared when her eyes had lit up a bit more and she'd nodded. </p><p>Jungeun slipped her arms around her waist. “So am I.” </p><p>They both pulled away then. Jinsoul almost felt embarrassed. She hadn’t really planned for that. </p><p>Jungeun went across the deck then. She looked over the side. She was holding the telescope and now had it to her eye. </p><p>Jinsoul went to prepare the sails. She didn’t really need them, hence why there wasn’t a crew. She used the water for that. </p><p>“Ready?” Jinsoul called. </p><p>Jungeun looked over her shoulder. The water and blue sky framed her figure. The smile she wore looked a little lighter. “Ready.”</p><p>She let the water surge on the side, before propelling them away from the shore. </p><p>Over the sounds of the rushing water, she heard Jungeun laugh. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul brought the ship to a slow stop. She went around, dropping the sail so they wouldn’t go somewhere else too quickly. </p><p>She walked over to Jungeun then, who sat at the front, looking past the figurehead. </p><p>“Water propulsion feels a little different from wind,” Jungeun said. “I like it.”</p><p>“You’re not sea sick?” </p><p>“A little, but it passed.” </p><p>Jinsoul slung her legs over the side of the ship. </p><p>Jungeun jumped. It almost looked like she was going to catch her. </p><p>“I’d be fine even if I fell overboard,” Jinsoul told her.</p><p>“And if the ship hit your head?” Jungeun asked. “It can take a lot, but I’m not sure if it’s manage a whole ship.” She prodded her forehead.</p><p>Jinsoul waved it away. “Should we try it out?”</p><p>She gave her a look. “That’s not exactly how I’d test out skull durability.” </p><p>“There’s a right way?” </p><p>“Probably not.” Jungeun flicked her forehead. “How’d that feel?” </p><p>Jinsoul rubbed the spot. “It stung.” She frowned at her. “What was that supposed to be?” </p><p>She smiled. “To get that look,” she said. “And to prove that we don’t really need that test.” </p><p>“I’m not sure if that proved anything.” </p><p>Jungeun shrugged. “Just don’t go overboard.” </p><p>“I’ll only do that if you come with me.” She wondered if she’d gone too far. </p><p>Except Jungeun’s expression didn’t change. She nodded. “A little later.” She looked out at the water. “I like it up here too.” </p><p>Jinsoul felt a small rush of relief. “You do?” </p><p>Another nod. </p><p>They watched the ocean then. Jinsoul pointed out where shoals of fish were, or if a whale was going to surface soon. </p><p>And the Jungeun turned to face her fully. “I know why we’re out here,” she said softly. Her hand found Jinsoul’s. “And I really don't think they should've gotten a ship for that. </p><p>“Do you not like it?” Jinsoul felt a flicker of nervousness. Was she doing this all wrong? Should she have just left the boat for another time?</p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “I love it.” She looked out at the sea. “It’s actually nice having something secure under my feet after I know what it’s like to be in there.” She squeezed her hand. “And then being out in the sun too,” she trailed off. “It reminds me a bit of the desert.”</p><p>The words hit her a little more than they probably should have. Jungeun loved the desert. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn’t help but wonder what else was like the desert for her. She wanted to know where else she could take her to get Jungeun to feel so relaxed. </p><p>They sat there together, watching the sun travel across the sky, before it started sinking below the horizon.  </p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jungeun turn her head to look at her. </p><p>“What?” Jinsoul kept her eyes on the sky. </p><p>“I think,” she started, “we could go into the water now. If you want.” </p><p>“Do you want to?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>A small laugh. “I don’t think I’d ask if I didn’t.” She elbowed her. “But I’m not diving off the edge of a ship. I think you’ll have to push me, or make the water grab me or something.”</p><p>“You’d prefer a tentacle of water coming up instead of just diving in?” Jinsoul looked over. </p><p>Jungeun was smiling lightly. “The push might be a little better than that.” </p><p>Jinsoul pushed her off the ship in the next moment. She dove in after her. Jungeun was still smiling when she surfaced. Another time, she would’ve been terrified. </p><p>Jinsoul reached for her arm and pulled her closer. “You need to see what it looks like from below.” </p><p>“The ship?” Jungeun linked their hands. “Or the surface?” </p><p>“Both, but mostly the ship.” She nodded. “Ready?” </p><p>“Ready.”</p><p>They sank down into the water. Jungeun still tensed, but she relaxed a lot quicker than before. </p><p>Jinsoul waited until Jungeun opened her eyes. Then she let the current move them a bit further into the ocean. </p><p>“I’ll tell the kraken not to attack,” Jinsoul said.</p><p>“The kraken?” Jungeun repeated. Even distorted, it sounded like a squeak. “That exists?”</p><p>She lifted a brow. “We’re immortal beings with pointed ears and we exist too.” </p><p>“And this is the kraken, the one that’d torn the ships apart?” </p><p>“There’re several.” Jinsoul stopped them to make a few sounds into the ocean. </p><p>Small jolts came back through the water. Tiny, but she knew they’d be stronger currents where the creature was. </p><p>“Want to meet her?”</p><p>“No thank you.” Jungeun’s eyes went up then. They widened. “That already looks like some sort of creature, almost like a whale.” </p><p>“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jinsoul propelled them around so that the moon was partially hidden behind the boat, but still illuminated the water around it. </p><p>“Beautiful.” The look in her eyes matched the awe in her voice. It also described what Jinsoul saw then. </p><p>Jungeun’s hair spread out into the water. Her eyes were darker than normal, but still bright. She wasn’t glowing, but her skin still caught the light seeping through the water. </p><p>“Where to next?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>Jungeun looked back at her. “A bit deeper?” </p><p>She let the water take them down. She made sure the water pressure around Jungeun didn’t change too fast. </p><p>“It’s colder.” Jungeun tugged her a bit closer. “I think I can hear more too.” </p><p>Jinsoul let more light onto her skin. She warmed the water some more too. “None are coming because I told them not to. You want to see anyone?” </p><p>“Anyone as in fish, or sea slugs?” </p><p>“Both.” </p><p>Jungeun laughed softly. “I’m guessing we’re not deep enough to see those fish that glow?” </p><p>“Do you want to go further?” Jinsoul asked. “Because all I have to do is make the pressure less for us. Then make it a lot warmer around us.” </p><p>“The other Arcsa won’t think I’m a threat?” </p><p>“If you’re at my side you aren’t, and they usually don’t think any landed are much of a threat.” </p><p>“So they think I’m harmless here?” Jungeun asked. She didn't say anything after that, but Jinsoul had a good idea what it was. </p><p>Jinsoul squeezed her hand and took them further, making sure to alleviate the pressure as it built. </p><p>“It’s so dark,” Jungeun said. She didn’t sound scared. </p><p>“I can’t be too bright,” Jinsoul replied. “Otherwise I’d scare the fish.”</p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“They’ve never seen sunlight, let alone moonlight. Only fluorescence, if even that.” </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes still glowed in the ocean. Jinsoul was still surprised that she wasn’t scared yet. The deepest parts of the sea had been terrifying for many, even those accustomed to the water. </p><p>“Do a lot of fish have that glow?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“No,” she said. “But enough.” She brought them to a stop. “I’ll tell them to give us a small show,” she whispered. Then she looked for the shoal of fish that’d been dancing around the area during their descent. She spoke to them for a bit. They were eager to tell her about how they’d distracted another predator. They wanted to appear directly in front of Jungeun’s face, but she told them not to. </p><p>Then it began. </p><p>Jinsoul heard Jungeun gasp. </p><p>The fish swam in patterns, shooting out fluorescent packets that made themselves visible only at the end of their journey. It was almost like a firework display. </p><p>And then one appeared in front of them. Fluorescence was shot off to the side of them too. </p><p>Jungeun yelped and huddled into her side. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned at the fish. “They’re having a bit too much fun.” </p><p>“I can hear something,” Jungeun muttered. “Please say it’s just a whale.” </p><p>Jinsoul listened, focusing the currents a bit more. “Not a whale. Want to go back up?” </p><p>“Wait,” Jungeun’s eyes were wide, “what is it?” </p><p>“Scavengers,” Jinsoul whispered, “they might be having a whale for dinner.” </p><p>She swatted her arm. “Do <em>not</em> say that when we’re this far down.” </p><p>Jinsoul laughed slightly. “Alright, I won’t tell them we’re here.” She slowly started to lift them up. “But you would see a six-gilled shark.” </p><p>She didn’t have to see her to know she was shaking her head. </p><p>“Next time.” </p><p>Jinsoul lightly tapped her head to Jungeun’s. “Okay.” </p><p>They were quiet as they rose through the water. Jinsoul made sure to move them back in the direction of the ship. </p><p>At one point, Jungeun had huddled a bit closer to her, her head partially resting on her shoulder. </p><p>It was nice to be there with her. Jinsoul felt happy knowing Jungeun felt safe enough in the ocean to actually want to see the depths like that. It reminded her of how she’d started: scared to look out at it and barely willing to put a foot into the water. Unless there was a push.</p><p>Then they surfaced. The moon was directly above the ship, the light bleeding into the water around them as well. </p><p>“Can we stay here?”</p><p>Jinsoul warmed the water. </p><p>“It’s weird not seeing land anywhere,” Jungeun said softly. “It makes everything else feel further away.” She looked up at her. “Is it like that for you, or different because it’s like the land for you?” </p><p>“Both,” Jinsoul said. “Depends on where I’m spending most of my time.” </p><p>“So now it’s like how it feels for me? At least a little?” There was a hint of hesitance again. </p><p>“More than a little,” Jinsoul replied. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were still on her. There was a warmth in them that Jinsoul knew she’d seen before, but couldn’t remember where. </p><p>“You’re so beautiful,” Jungeun whispered. </p><p>Jinsoul hardly knew what to say then. There was a ticklish sensation in her throat too. </p><p>“I mean that.” She was still talking. “Being by the river, or in the ocean, but it’s something. Something good—great actually.”</p><p>“Something,” Jinsoul repeated, smiling slightly. </p><p>Jungeun chuckled, glancing at the water around them. “You always look at home here, or in a river,” she said. “You look happy.” She smiled lightly. “That’s one of the reasons I love coming here.” Her eyes had started to glow a bit more. </p><p>Jinsoul couldn't find any words to say. </p><p>There was something almost strange about tonight. It was so quiet. Jinsoul barely knew how far away the next bit of land was. Even with the creatures below, they were still alone. </p><p>Jinsoul pushed away some of Jungeun’s hair, taking some of the water that still clung to it. “Are you cold?” She let her hand stay on the side of Jungeun’s face. </p><p>Jungeun shook her head. She put her hand over Jinsoul’s, lightly squeezing it. </p><p>A deep ache settled into her heart then. Jinsoul almost pulled away, but she didn’t want to. Not now. </p><p>“Are you?” Jungeun asked. Even though there was no one else to hear them, she spoke quietly. </p><p>“Not when you’re here.” </p><p>There was a gentle smile then. All it managed to do was make the ache stronger. </p><p>Jinsoul wanted to lean forward. She almost did. </p><p>Except Jungeun was still grieving. Being out here had been for her, not the two of them. Not really.</p><p>“But I think a cup of tea would do us some good?” Jungeun was still whispering.</p><p>Jinsoul let the water carry them up, before she stepped off the wave she made, pulling Jungeun with her. </p><p>She took the water from both of them, but left her own hair wet. She always liked the feeling. </p><p>“I’ll go make it.” Jungeun gave her a small smile. She started to let go. </p><p>Jinsoul started walking with her. “Want moonlight in it too?”</p><p>Jungeun didn’t let go of her hand. “Sounds good.” </p><p>They made tea. Neither of them let go of the other. Jinsoul wondered if it was strange that she didn’t want to. She wondered if Jungeun wanted to let go. </p><p>Except she hadn’t either. </p><p>They sat on the deck again. Jungeun had brought a packet of sweet light brown squares. She called them caramels, apparently from a country in the European continent. </p><p>“I found them a few years ago, apparently new there.” Jungeun popped one in her mouth. “So I got a large packet every year.” She smiled slightly. “I meant to share, but—“ She looked down. </p><p>Had it not been dark, Jinsoul knew her ears would’ve been a pale pink. </p><p>“You eat a lot,” Jinsoul tapped her leg with her foot, “and you’ve got a surprising sweet tooth.” She ate another, enjoying how it slowly melted on her tongue. There were hints of salt on It too. “It’s almost a crime that you didn’t share this with us. Yerim will be mad.” </p><p>“I have an extra bag at home,” Jungeun replied. “And you need to stop me from indulging. Then Yerim will get a few.” </p><p>“A few?” Jinsoul repeated. “I think we should expect equal shares.” </p><p>She gave her a look. “Fat chance of that,” she stuck out her tongue, “I paid for all of this and did the trek from Europe to here.” </p><p>“You went through the earth for that one,” Jinsoul told her. “So it doesn’t count.” </p><p>“I’m getting close to pushing you in,” Jungeun nodded at the ocean, “I owe you that.” </p><p>“And I could flip this ship.” </p><p>There was a flicker of surprise, before Jungeun laughed. “Alright! Equal shares. Promise.” </p><p>It was so nice to hear her laugh. Properly too. </p><p>“You gave up the extra sweets very quickly.” </p><p>She was still chuckling. “It’s a big bag,” she said. “Even a third is more than enough for me.” She bit the next one in half and sighed, smiling slightly. </p><p>“You like them that much?” Jinsoul asked. </p><p>“You don’t?” Jungeun was already reaching for the one in her hand. </p><p>She held it out of reach. “I do!” </p><p>She eyed her for a long moment, before pulling her hand back. “Good, because you only get one third if you really like them.”</p><p>“It can’t be deserved?” Jinsoul asked. “For all my hard work?”</p><p>“Then I’d have to give Haseul some too,” Jungeun shook her head, “but I’m leaving that for Seul’s birthday.” </p><p>Jungeun belonged to the surprisingly sizeable group of immortals who celebrated birthdays. She’d tried to bring it up with Jinsoul, who usually said no to any sort of celebration. </p><p>Yerim enjoyed it, still young enough, as well as enthusiastic enough, to have not gotten completely fed up of them. </p><p>The one strange thing, but also not that surprising, was that when Jungeun's birthday came, the most there was were several bottles of wine, but that was it. </p><p>“She’ll be happy with that.” Jinsoul ate the rest of hers.</p><p>There was a surprisingly light conversation then, one including Jungeun describing several birthdays, even the last one Chaewon had celebrated. She’d insisted on her two hundredth being the best ever and had had it in the mountains, inviting just about anyone to make sure it was filled with music and other drinks. </p><p>“She begged me to give her fireworks too,” Jungeun said, a broad smile on her face. “So I made one with all the colours I could think off, even a few shapes that they had to guess.” She chuckled. “Couldn’t guess it because I’m not an artist, but it was hilarious seeing Sooyoung insist that the wolf I made was actually a chicken.”</p><p>“Chickens have two feet.”</p><p>Jungeun nodded. “Drawing’s a talent I don’t have.” </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “It can’t have been that bad.” A part of her couldn’t really see Jungeun being bad at something. </p><p>And then Jungeun lifted her hands, her eyes suddenly glowing like a fire, but not as vivid.</p><p>The sky was suddenly filled with light as deep blue flames expanded across it. They came together then, almost looping like ribbons with each other, before they made a figure. </p><p>A figure where she had no idea what it was. She could make out a leg and what looked like a crooked arm, or was it two? </p><p>Then a dot of the eye and a squiggle below it. </p><p>Laughter bubbled out of her mouth before she could stop it. She laughed into the silent space around them. </p><p>Jungeun joined her, but pushed her at the same time, steadying her, before she could slip off and into the sea. “It’s terrible, I know.”</p><p>“And that’s supposed to be a wolf?” Jinsoul got out, still giggling. </p><p>“This time a chicken.” </p><p>Jinsoul stared at her. “Really?”</p><p>She laughed again. “No, I actually tried to make it a wolf. I thought it’d be better this time, but I was wrong.” Then she narrowed her eyes. “Unless you’re just a really strict judge.” </p><p>Jinsoul lifted her hands in surrender. “I just think you should leave drawing to others. Like Heejin.” Somehow, that girl was able to make things just short of art with moonlight. She didn’t do it much, but Jinsoul had seen a few of the sculptures she’d worked on when she was bored. </p><p>“Gladly,” Jungeun said. Her smile was a bit less, but still just as warm. </p><p>They sat in silence after that, but it was comfortable again. </p><p>Jungeun broke the silence again. “Thank you for this.” </p><p>Jinsoul looked over. “The boat was Yerim, Hyunjin, and Hyejoo."</p><p>“I didn't mean that.” Jungeun moved closer, shifting to face her. She didn’t seem to mind how close she was to tipping overboard. “For coming to get me after, for,” she faltered, before a new sort of certainty came over her expression. “For not leav—for not leaving after you’d seen what I did.” </p><p>Jinsoul started to shake her head. “You—”</p><p>She lifted a hand. “Don’t start excusing what happened. Please.” Her eyes were still bright, but a familiar guilt was there. “Don't say I was only getting my revenge, that I was lost in my grief. Not like the others did.” She lowered her head. “I just lost control. I wanted them dead and I wanted them to feel as much pain as I could give them before they did.” </p><p>Again it was quiet. Jinsoul could feel how Jungeun wanted to say more. She waited, even if the words threatened to spew from her own mouth. They’d probably make things worse. </p><p>“I can’t change how people view any of it,” Jungeun said. Her eyes were dim. “Just like how they can’t change how I do.” She looked to the ocean once, before turning back to Jinsoul. “But I keep asking myself if people can only look at me, because they excuse what I’ve done.” A pause. “Is that what you have to do?” Her expression cracked then, giving way to doubt. “Do you have to think up reasons for why I’ve done what I have to," the words were shaky, "to even look me in the eye?” </p><p>Jinsoul’s eyes were burning again. She forced herself not to look away. “No,” she said. “What I’ve learned about you didn’t change what you did before. What I saw in the forest, or when I saw your nightmares, didn’t change it either.” She let her fingers curl around the wood beneath them. “I just started to understand it. There’s a difference.” </p><p>“Is there?” she asked. “Because I’ve had friends tell me they understood, but the next time I came back from a task or some glorified massacre, they told me the same thing after they’d celebrated my triumph.” Her voice shook at the last word. Disgust had filled her eyes. </p><p>“I’ll never know what that feels like,” Jinsoul said. “I don't think I'll ever be able to understand it and I don’t ever want to.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t flinch. That gave Jinsoul the push to continue. </p><p>“But I know it hurts you. I know you’ll keep doing it and there’s a part of me that’ll never understand why you do, but I can’t change that.” She grit her teeth. </p><p>If she'd told Jungeun what she’d wanted at first, maybe she’d just think those were more excuses when they weren’t. Maybe Jungeun thought every reason someone saw behind her actions was some sort of excuse.</p><p>"And I don’t know how to say any of this to you properly,” Jinsoul admitted. “If I think about the people in the past that you’ve killed, I’ll still wish they were alive. If I think about the stories your people tell, they’ll always feel wrong to applaud, because I can’t respect those things.” </p><p>Jungeun didn’t say anything. Her eyes weren’t teary anymore either. She almost looked calm. </p><p>“But I can still respect you,” Jinsoul said. “Because I know who you are, what else you can do—what scares you, what you love.” She reached for one of Jungeun’s hands. </p><p>She didn’t pull away this time. </p><p>“I don’t know if those are supposed to be contradictions, because they don’t feel like that. Not anymore." Jinsoul took the time to gather her words. “But it’s not because I’m ignoring something and it's not because I’m excusing what you’ve done either.” </p><p>There was a weight tugging at her throat. It felt like there was something else she should say, but she didn’t know what it was. </p><p>Jinsoul kept silent then. The weight sank into her chest, settling in there.</p><p>“How?” Jungeun asked. </p><p>“How?” Jinsoul repeated. </p><p>“How’re there no excuses?” Her eyes were glassy now. “Why don’t you hate me? I’m everything you should hate.” </p><p>“You’re not,” Jinsoul pulled her off the side of the ship and stood, “there’s so much more about you that I could never hate.” She took Jungeun’s other hand. “I just needed to see those things and I do now.” </p><p>Jungeun looked away then. Jinsoul felt the tears come then. She saw them drip onto the deck. </p><p>She pulled her closer then, lifting one hand to her cheek. She tilted her head up, before kissing her forehead. </p><p>“You’re like the ocean to me,” Jinsoul whispered against her skin, before pulling away. </p><p>Jungeun stilled. Her heart had already been pounding, but Jinsoul could almost hear it more clearly now. </p><p>“There’s parts of you that are dangerous, could scare some, but there’s so much beauty as well.” Again, she waited until she found the right words. “It took some time for me to trust you, but I did. Not because I ignored what was below the surface, but because I learned more about you.” </p><p>Jungeun eyes lifted to hers. Tears swam in them, but Jinsoul didn’t take them away. She just brushed a thumb over her cheek. </p><p>“I’m not excusing anything,” Jinsoul said. “I don’t have to and I don’t want to either.” </p><p>She didn’t say anything. Her eyes were still on Jinsoul’s and she knew she was trying to see if she was lying or not. She didn’t believe what she’d said, but Jinsoul had the sneaking suspicion that she didn’t believe anyone when they said something like that. Even then, it stung that Jungeun doubted her. </p><p>Jungeun let out a long breath. Some of the tension seemed to fall away with it. </p><p>Jinsoul pulled her into her arms. Jungeun leaned into her almost immediately, her arms coming around her waist. Her head rested on her shoulder. </p><p>“Do you mean that?” Jungeun asked quietly. </p><p>“I do.” </p><p>Jungeun’s grip on her tightened ever so slightly. Jinsoul felt a pang in her chest then, as if something had cracked. She ignored it. </p><p>Jinsoul knew there was nothing else she’d say now. There wasn’t really anything she could say without it being something Jungeun probably wouldn’t want to hear. </p><p>Nothing else broke the silence then. They just stood there, gently swayed by the waves pushing the ship along. Jungeun was warm, warmer than she had been in the ocean and in the weeks before. Even through the smell of the sea, she still smelled of a warm fire and smoke. It was nothing like the forest, even if that memory still clung to Jungeun. It still flickered across Jinsoul’s eyes too, but it wasn’t her memory. </p><p>Slowly, Jinsoul felt how Jungeun began to lean away. She let go. </p><p>Jungeun’s eyes were a bit brighter than before, but nothing like they’d been when they’d been in the ocean. </p><p>And then she smiled. It was only small, but it warmed Jinsoul’s heart to see. </p><p>“I don’t think I can tell you how much that means to me.”</p><p>Oddly enough, Jinsoul could see it. </p><p>“But thank you.” </p><p>They were still standing there. Neither of them really moved away. She was tired, but not enough to want to sleep. She didn’t want the day to end. Jinsoul wondered if they were thinking the same thing. </p><p><em>If I’m asleep, I miss that feeling</em>. </p><p>Jinsoul let herself admit it then. “I don’t want to say goodnight.” She glanced at the horizon. The deep inky blue was slowly starting to pale. “Or good morning.” </p><p>“Me neither.” Jungeun was still smiling. Properly, even if it wasn’t as bright as before. “Whoever falls asleep first gets thrown in the water?” </p><p>“I’d say they have to steer the ship when they wake up.” </p><p>Jungeun gave her a look. “Not sure if that’s fair.”</p><p>“Neither is jumping in the water.” Jinsoul winked. “One of us can handle those currents.”</p><p>She shrugged. “You can laugh, but next time we’re going to the desert again.” </p><p>Next time. </p><p>Jinsoul had to smile. </p><p>They walked to the bow of the ship. Jungeun sat down on the deck this time, stretching her legs out in front of her. Jinsoul sat next to her. They sat a lot closer than normal, their shoulders already touching. </p><p>The stars were still spread out above them. The concentrated river of them stretched over them, going from one side of the world to the next. </p><p>“Being on this ship, it almost feels like I’m floating,” Jungeun said, voice hushed again. “Well, we’re technically floating, but still.”</p><p>Jinsoul hummed in response. She wouldn’t ask what she meant. Jungeun would say it. </p><p>“I used to look at the night sky, wondering if I could fall into it.” She spoke slowly. All that joined her voice were the sounds of small waves breaking against the hull of the ship. “I always felt so small.” It didn’t sound like she’d hated it. </p><p>“My favourite part is that,” Jinsoul pointed at the collection of stars arcing over them, “I always thought it was a river. I thought one day I’d be able to pull it closer to us.”</p><p>“The mortals gave it different names,” Jungeun said. “Some said it was heaven’s river, others named it after important people in their histories, or stories.” A pause. “I think some tied it to a gray goose.”</p><p>She looked at her. “A goose?” </p><p>“They made stories about it too,” she shrugged, “but something I keep hearing about is that it was either Winter’s Way, or the Milky Way.” </p><p>Jinsoul wrinkled her nose. “It doesn’t look like milk.”</p><p>The corner of her lip tugged up. “I don’t think they actually meant milk, but the name’s starting to stick.” </p><p>“It’s a terrible name.” </p><p>“Then you should’ve been born a few more hundred years ago,” Jungeun said lightly. “Maybe you could’ve changed it.” </p><p>“I’ll live with it,” Jinsoul replied. “Just as long as no one starts to put that name into our languages.”</p><p>“Do you have name for it?” </p><p>“Not really.” She looked up at it again. “It’s a river of stars to me, even if there isn’t any water up there.” </p><p>“We always said they were the moon’s tears,” Jungeun said. “It’s a story my mother told me when I was little.” There wasn’t a falter in her expression, but her voice grew softer. “The moon’s the reason for the light in all of our eyes. When we die, our souls go somewhere else.” Her eyes were looking somewhere far into the distance. "But that light will either go to the moon, or her tears."</p><p>Jinsoul knew where Jungeun's mind was now. She forced her own tears back. </p><p>“But the story for the tears is that the Astra are the children of the moon,” Jungeun explained. “We thought that the moon wept whenever there was an Astran born, but some believe they’re tears of pride as she watches how they save spirits from the darkness, others say they’re ones of loss.” </p><p>“And what do you think?” </p><p>“Both.” Jungeun leaned forward, staring up at the sky. “She misses them, but knows they could do the best on Earth instead of farther away. Up there.” She took a deep breath. It trembled at the end. Then she leaned back again, resting her head on the wood. </p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t sure if she was supposed to reach for her hand. She ended up doing it. </p><p>Jungeun squeezed her hand in response, but didn’t say anything. </p><p>Neither did Jinsoul. She just settled on lightly resting her head on Jungeun’s shoulder. </p><p>As the sun rose, Jinsoul was the first to get tired. Jungeun’s steady breath and the slow brushes of the sea lulled her into a doze. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t move from her spot. She only shifted, lightly adjusting her shoulder into something that became even more comfortable. Her side also lost some of its heat as the sun started to shine. </p><p>“Want to go under the deck?”</p><p>“Probably, but I don’t want to move," Jinsoul murmured. "And it's below decks.”</p><p>Then there was a slow glow behind her eyes. </p><p>Jinsoul opened them just to see how Jungeun started making a canopy of moonlight, looping a part of it from the figurehead and another to the nearest mast. It was bright, but it blocked out the sun.</p><p>“That works too.” Jinsoul tucked herself a bit more into Jungeun’s side. “You’re not too cold?” </p><p>“I took the heat from my skin,” Jungeun said. “But I still have the rest.” </p><p>“I didn’t know you could do that,” she muttered, already starting to drift off. </p><p>A small chuckle. “Sleep well, Jinsoul.” </p><p>Hearing her name sent a small flicker of something through her chest. She was too tired to place it. </p><p>“Wake me in the afternoon,” Jinsoul whispered. “I want to see the sunset with you.” </p><p>There was a long pause. Jinsoul thought she’d be asleep before Jungeun replied. </p><p>“I will.” </p><p>Then she fell asleep. </p><p>______</p><p>It’d been a few days since they’d come back from the sea. The two of them were coming back from a patrol. Jinsoul couldn’t help but feel sad that it’d become something rare. She hoped that would change. </p><p>“Do you think Yerim’s settling in?” Jungeun asked. She didn’t look so distant anymore. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. “If you’ve got Hyunjin <em>and</em> Hyejoo on your side, things probably won’t get boring.” </p><p>She smiled ever so slightly. Jinsoul was relieved to see it. “It’s got the added bonus that you get Chaewon with her. Heejin too, sometimes.” </p><p>A bit of lightness finally settled over the silence. </p><p>“And how do you feel,” Jungeun looked over at her, “about being here. The Astra?” </p><p>Jinsoul nearly asked why she wanted to know that. She held the question back. “I still mean what I said before. I’m happy here.” </p><p>“You said you would be happy here, not that you were.” The smile grew. “But now you are?” </p><p><em>Not right now,</em> she nearly said. Except Jungeun looked hopeful. Jinsoul just nodded. </p><p>“Good.” Jungeun looked away. </p><p>They walked for a bit longer. Jinsoul knew Jungeun was going to say something else. She was struggling with how to say it. </p><p>And then she did. “I’ll be going away again,” Jungeun said. “For longer this time.” The distant tint to her eyes was back. </p><p>Her heart sank. “When?”</p><p>“Tomorrow.” </p><p>“Oh.” Jinsoul was scrambling for the right reaction. She couldn't show that she didn't want her to go. </p><p>“It could wait,” Jungeun was looking at her hands, “I don’t have to go.”</p><p>“You do,” Jinsoul said. </p><p>She looked up, confused. The grief was showing through again. </p><p>“I didn’t know why you weren’t going sooner,” she continued. “But it was because of Yerim, wasn’t it?” </p><p>“Both of you,” Jungeun replied. </p><p>It was her turn to be confused. </p><p>“There’s three of us now,” she said, looking at the ground now. “We’re a team, aren’t we?” She chuckled. </p><p>“Did you want to make sure we got along?” Jinsoul asked. She could hardly imagine <em>not</em> getting along with Yerim. </p><p>“I wanted to make sure we worked together right,” Jungeun replied. “I mean, it’s not like—I didn’t—“ She broke off with a frown.</p><p>“If you’re trying to say it wasn’t your place,” Jinsoul lightly elbowed her, “it was definitely your place to do that.” For someone who’d been alone for most patrols, someone who took most other jobs alone, Jungeun had a good sense for making sure people knew what to do. She did it without being too obvious about it.it usually worked. </p><p>She just shrugged. “And now we’re a good team,” she said. “Yerim’s finding her place here and you’re,” she paused, meeting her eyes, “happy here.” Her gaze softened. </p><p>Jinsoul nodded. She’d expected her to go away, but she’d be lying if she hadn’t hoped Jungeun would stay. Jinsoul didn’t say that. Jungeun needed to be alone to grieve. She’d been here long enough, waiting only for when Yerim had finally started finding her place. </p><p>“I’m not really sure if it’ll help.” Jungeun had summoned a flame, but it was far away from her skin. “I’ll be have to go back for a bit. She,” a sharp breath, “she was the one who got the contracts. Not sure how they’ll have managed that. And I have to see how he's doing." More guilt appeared then. </p><p>Jinsoul stayed quiet.</p><p>“Then I’ll be,” she looked at her again, a little bit of hesitance coming back, “in the mountains again. A hike’s always helped. I’ll go to the Warsa who’re nearby too.” </p><p>“To stay, or help?” Jinsoul asked.</p><p>The hesitance in her eyes grew. Jinsoul didn’t know why it was there. “Stay,” she said. “That’s why it’ll be longer.” She looked away. </p><p>“And after that?” </p><p>Confusion shot across her features then. “You’re not—“ She closed her mouth. “Right.” </p><p>“I’m not?”</p><p>“It’s just,” Jungeun shook her head, “I thought you were going to try and convince me not to go.” She looked relieved. </p><p>Jinsoul frowned. “You’ve done it before.” And Jungeun had liked to be there. She’d been away from her life before. Was she going now to get away from her life now? Or to find something else to do for a while? </p><p>She just nodded, eyes flickering between Jinsoul’s. Like on the ship, she was trying to see if Jinsoul meant what she was saying. She hadn’t done that before. Then she smiled. “I’m surprised you remember.” </p><p>“It hasn’t been that long.” Jinsoul tried her best to hold her gaze.  She’d seen that look on the ship, but a part of it felt new. Relatively new at least. </p><p>_____</p><p>Yerim looked as if she was torn between tears and complete confusion. </p><p>“How long?” </p><p>“I’m not sure,” Jungeun replied. “But it’ll be a few years.” </p><p>Her face fell and Jungeun’s heart sank. </p><p>“I don’t have to go yet,” she said. “And I could visit.” She tried for a smile. “If you wanted me to.” </p><p>“But you don’t,” Yerim said. “Right?” </p><p>Jungeun couldn’t help but be surprised at the question. She wanted to tell her that this wasn’t because she didn’t want to see her. She wanted to properly explain why she wanted to go. </p><p>Then Yerim just nodded. “Go for as long as you need then.” She hugged her. “Write to us?” </p><p>“Write?” Jungeun repeated. </p><p>She looked up at her, a shaky smile on her face. Then her one of her hands lifted from Jungeun’s waist. There was a fluttering sound then as something flew over to them. Several things.</p><p>“Paper,” Yerim said. “Enchanted to survive fires to be sent over here. Courtesy of Yeri. Did you know her name’s actually Yerim too?” </p><p>Jungeun almost laughed. “Why does she give another then?”</p><p>She shrugged. “Apparently the tracker spells are so sensitive that they don’t end up tracking her.” </p><p>“I should remove a letter from my name then, or mix it,” Jungeun chuckled, “how would Eunjung work?” </p><p>Yerim lifted a brow. “You never did that before and you won’t be doing it now.”</p><p>“True.” Jungeun smiled. It hadn’t taken long for Yerim to figure out some of those things. Either it’d been the others who’d told her, she’d figured it out, or both. </p><p>She pressed the papers into her hands. “But I mean it. Write to us.” </p><p>“I’ll try,” Jungeun said. “But I don’t write well.” </p><p>“Then this’s practice.”</p><p>“For what?” Jungeun frowned. “Books are a thing of fairies and mortals.”</p><p>Yerim just smiled. “I’ll be comparing your first letter to the one you write before you come back.” Then she patted her arm. “I’m not expecting something every month or week, just when you want to tell us about something or if you miss us.” </p><p>“I’d write more often than a week if we went with the second option.” </p><p>She hugged her again. “I’ll write you too. I’ll see if I can get Jinsoul to do it too.”</p><p>Jungeun shook her head. “She doesn’t have to write to me. You’ll be doing it for both of you, just like I’ll be writing to you two.” She almost felt nervous at the thought of penning a letter. She’d done that less than five times in her entire life. </p><p>“We’ll see,” Yerim said, a glint in her eyes. Then her expression turned serious. “I’ll miss you.” </p><p>“I’ll miss you too.” Jungeun squeezed her hand. <em>I’ll come back</em>. She almost said it, but she couldn’t. “I’ll write,” she said. “Promise.” </p><p>Yerim’s eyes lit up and Jungeun felt a large weight lift from her shoulders seeing it. This was a promise she could make. She’d keep it too. </p><p>______</p><p>Jinsoul struggled to keep her expression in a smile. Jungeun needed this.</p><p>“You need a kit,” Jinsoul said. “I wrote down instructions for applying elixirs and ointments, but also just the ingredients and how to make it, unless you end up buying it from someone else.” </p><p>Jungeun accepted the bag. “And you stuffed it full of that too?” </p><p>She nodded. “It’ll last some time. Until you have to refill it.” She almost hoped Jungeun would come back to visit for that. She knew she wouldn’t. </p><p>“Thank you, Jinsoul.” Jungeun gave her a light smile. </p><p>She could still feel that ache. It was a lot stronger now. </p><p>Then she went to her bag and carefully attached it to the side. </p><p>Jinsoul stood there as Jungeun looked at the weapons, while she put the clothes into her bag. There was a sword, an axe, and the knives. She hadn’t attached them yet. </p><p>“Taking care of spirits is usually how I start,” Jungeun said. “I have to go find the people who need it.” </p><p>“With a bag like that?” She forced herself to move a little more. </p><p>“The debt is smaller if they keep it safe for me,” Jungeun replied. Now she started to attach the knives to her ankles, fixing the leather bindings to it. It went slower than it should have. Her hand still hadn’t recovered fully. She'd let Jinsoul start to heal it properly, but now she was going. What if someone used that weakness against her.</p><p>Jinsoul was beside her now.</p><p>She caught her eye then. “Are you alright?” </p><p>Jinsoul hadn’t been able to hide it. She nodded instead of replying. </p><p>Jungeun lifted a brow and turned to face her. Her voice softened with her next words. “I don’t have to go.” </p><p>She shook her head. She said what she had before. “You do."</p><p>Jungeun’s gaze faltered before returning to meet hers. There was something else in her eyes. “I think I’ve got everything now.” </p><p><em>I’m leaving now, </em>that meant. </p><p>She nodded again. It was all she could do. The rest of what she wanted to say was stuck in her throat. </p><p>“Jinsoul,” she started. There was a tremor to her voice. “I’m,” she broke off. “I don’t know how to say this.” A pause. “Properly.” She reached out a hand, stopping just short of Jinsoul’s. There was even more hesitance there. </p><p>Jinsoul took her good hand. It still wasn’t warm like it used to be. </p><p>“I don’t think I would’ve—could have stayed here as long as I did without you.” Jungeun swallowed once. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to thank you for that.”</p><p>“You don’t have to.” </p><p>“I do,” Jungeun said. “You didn’t have to help me, but that you did.” She let out a short breath. “That means,” a shaky chuckle, “I don’t really know what that means.” </p><p>She wanted to say more. Jinsoul could see that. She waited, even though she didn’t know what it would be. Just standing there, holding on to Jungeun, waiting for her next words, and then the moment she’d leave was difficult. </p><p>“I also don’t know how to actually thank you for that,” Jungeun went on. “But leaving doesn’t feel like a good way to start that.” A small frown appeared. </p><p>The words sounded wrong to her. </p><p>“There isn’t a debt to repay,” Jinsoul said. “So don’t start thinking like that with me.” </p><p>The frown deepened.</p><p>“Why doesn’t Yeri owe you for helping her then?” She wanted to ask her about what Jungeun had done for her, because the fire elf was just as likely to deny any mention of a ‘debt’ as Jinsoul was now. </p><p>Jungeun’s brow furrowed. “Because what I did wasn’t something to repay.”</p><p>“So,” Jinsoul lifted her other hand to her arm, squeezing it, “you don’t owe me anything.” </p><p>The frown was still there, but Jungeun didn’t say anything else. </p><p>She realised it then. Jungeun would be leaving soon. Too soon. </p><p>Jinsoul looked at her then. Properly. Her hair was gathered up in a knot on the top of her head. Her brow was less furrowed now, but Jinsoul could still see the faint outlines of where it remained. There were deeper circles around her eyes too. Her eyes themselves were a deep red, more like rubies than a blazing fire this time. They’d grown colder, but were still warm now. </p><p>Her thoughts faded immediately when a hand cupped her face.</p><p>Jinsoul recognised the soft glow in her eyes. It rooted her to the spot. </p><p>“Maybe I don’t owe you anything,” Jungeun said. “But I’ll be grateful for all of it my entire life.” Then she gently tilted Jinsoul’s head forward. “Thank you.” Lips pressed to her forehead. They were warm. </p><p>Jinsoul closed her eyes. The scent of fire surrounded her. She didn’t want to miss it. </p><p>Then she pulled away. Her hand fell away as well. When Jinsoul opened her eyes, there was a glow still in Jungeun’s. </p><p>Jungeun didn’t smile, but it was almost there. Then she turned around to slip the sword into its sheath and the axe into her belt. </p><p>She gnawed on the inside of her cheek. Jungeun would be gone for years. She needed the time and they were immortal. Whether it would be five or ten shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. </p><p>And then she felt how tears started to form in Jungeun’s eyes. She felt how they were pushed down. </p><p>She watched as Jungeun turned back to her. She almost reached out for her. She wanted her to stay. She wanted to go with her. Jinsoul pushed the rest of her thoughts out of her mind. </p><p>“Be careful,” Jinsoul said instead. <em>Come back safely</em> was what she wanted to say. There were several reasons why she couldn’t. </p><p>“I will.” The edges of her lips pulled up once, before falling again. “Good—see you.” </p><p>“See you,” Jinsoul echoed. Her eyes burned. There was more she wanted to say, but she didn’t know what that would be. </p><p>And then she was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't really know what to say after this chapter. It's a hard one to 'recap' I feel, especially because it was several scenes woven together. The passage of time is a bit odd, but more because these scenes are different types (and stages) of reactions to what happened. Living with grief, but also being around others who are grieving doesn't quite have a set path we're supposed to follow. Trauma of any kind is similar, in that there's so many ways we can (and can't) live with it.</p><p>Jungeun is a difficult character to pin down for me in descriptions or explanations, but she's one I can write relatively easily. When I read your takes on her, or Jinsoul, it's so often the things I've thought of or felt while writing, but I've never really thought it through properly. The same goes for Jinsoul's character, because even if I relate to her less, I've spent a lot of time in her head, both this version and the future one. </p><p>This was a long chapter, but I hope those many words were worth going through those scenes. I tried to get in a balance again, because not every day of Jungeun's going to be painful and Jinsoul isn't the only one who's close to her. Also, if you have not listened to Wendy's Like Water, it's an absolutely beautiful song. The lyrics are also incredibly touching and when I read them, it made me think of this story (I'll put my favourite part below). Someone actually pointed it out to me that the lyrics fit this version of Lipsoul and they were so right. I'm also really glad that the lyrics don't really talk about healing, because Jinsoul isn't exactly the reason why Jungeun heals, but I'll be getting to that in future chapters. </p><p>I'm not sure when the next update for this will come, so we'll see. Do let me know your thoughts!</p><p>Hope you're all healthy and safe. See you next chapter.<br/>______</p><p>"My love is like water<br/>Filling your sore spots<br/>It covers the deep wounds<br/>And embraces you tightly<br/>It makes you rise again"</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>New accounts for both these things, so that's where I am apart from ao3. </p><p>@hblake44<br/>https://curiouscat.me/hblake44</p></blockquote></div></div>
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